Crisis in men basic html page. Age crises of men

If the crisis of female identity is more related to appearance, then for men, suffering revolves around potency and intimate achievements. Moreover, a man experiences both excess and lack of sexuality equally acutely. Let's consider the problem in detail.

Testosterone is an aggressive hormone. When a man experiences stress, the male hormone splashes into the blood in such quantities that all loved ones look for a fifth corner in the house. Every member of the household will get it. And the wife, and the mother-in-law, and the children, and the budgie.

1. “Youth-hormonal.” 13 – 22 years

SYMPTOMS:

“I want” I know what, but there is no way to satisfy the desire. The hormone is boiling in the blood, and girls expect romance, walks under the moon, and even then not from all the guys. In the class, one or two handsome guys are successful, the girls look at the rest of the guys as if they were nothing. An “empty place” has to try very hard to be noticed. It is in their youth that men experience the most painful love bumps. (Actually, there was a temptation to edit this phrase. Somehow it’s a little un-Russian - “to fill a love bump.” But they still decided to leave it as it is - it sounds too figurative. Look, with our light hand the innovation will take root. “ How are you? - Yes, normal. But yesterday I got myself such a love bump! Show - Ed.) There are several scenarios here: the girl could have been rude, or demanded a long courtship, or simply refused, or left after a short romance. In any case, from the crucible of youthful passions, the outcast will long endure a hostile attitude towards girls: “They are all fools.” But this first discovery is, let’s say, false. The second one is more useful for life: “Sex is responsibility.” Someone slept with a girl and forgot, and someone slept with him and received a bag of “gifts”. Either they are trying to get married or admit paternity altogether.

PROBLEM:

The first and most the main problem- resentment and guilt. The young man could have been rejected only once, but he would carry this trauma throughout his life. The girl was alone, but now he doesn’t trust all the women in the world. And after the pregnancy story, she may begin to avoid intimate relationships altogether.

The second is the feeling of being unable to come to an agreement with oneself and understand one’s own desires. It is all the more difficult to guess what another person, in this case a girl, feels. The feeling of psychological powerlessness leads to irritability and aggression.

During this period, guys are very eager to do something extraordinary in order to prove to themselves and the girls around them how cool they are. Some people begin to be passionate about their appearance, while others throw themselves headlong into extreme sports. And this is all good. But the main thing is that the teenager does not simply start running away from his thoughts into drugs and alcoholism. Not everyone can withstand the feeling of responsibility, which is especially strong during this period. It turns out that it is a heavy burden to be a man.

Don't be skeptical. There are a lot of girls, and among them there are a lot of good ones. Time works on a man's side. It is enriched by experience. Psychologists say: if you are rejected a hundred times, you will definitely be lucky on the hundred and first! And every year you will be more and more lucky. Closer to 25 you will have a colossal choice. The main thing is not to isolate yourself and communicate. And don't forget about contraception!

An important point: if you have any psychological difficulties, grievances or questions to which you do not find an answer, solve all this now, at this age. A couple of visits to a psychologist and everything will fall into place. Otherwise, a small unresolved issue in your youth may escalate in the future and develop into a real problem that you will solve throughout your life.

2. "Middle-aged." 35 - 43 years

SYMPTOMS:

After 35, sexual activity decreases slightly. Previously, erotica was the main part of a relationship, now something else is needed... If a person by this age has experienced a painful divorce or breakup, he may stop looking for serious romances altogether. It is during these years that people begin to get involved in various spiritual practices, and their philosophical interest in life intensifies. This is the period of the first summing up. In the love sphere, a lot is also changing. Women's bodies are basically all the same. For a 35-year-old man, this is obvious. The question that comes to the fore is: “What am I worth socially?” A man seeks answers to this question from women. Now the main thing is not their quantity, but the quality of the attitude towards him - towards his powerful ego.

PROBLEM:

Married men at this age don't just have affairs - they fall in love. And they often leave the family in search of understanding, which is no longer there with their wife. He needs a soulmate, a muse, and not just an attractive woman. Everyone chooses a different muse for themselves, usually in contrast to their wife. They run from a stern and intractable wife to an accommodating one who listens and assents. From an emotional, unrestrained wife to a balanced, serious and authoritative one.
And if a man created new family during this period, he soon begins to try to new wife sculpt the old one.

If this crisis has overtaken you, especially if your family is falling apart at the seams, do not shift responsibility for what happens to you to your wife and children. Don't take your dissatisfaction out on them. These are the people you will feel very guilty about when the storm passes. And you'll have to live with this feeling long years. It is not recommended to create a new family during this period. Among marriages entered into immediately after divorce, only 5% survive. The family is new, but the psychological problems are old. It will not be possible to run away from the crisis to a new wife. A woman can increase her sexual and intellectual self-esteem, but not her salary, her position, or the prestige of her profession.

3. “Grey hair in the beard, demon in the rib.” About 55 years old

SYMPTOMS:

Life has finally returned to a calm rut. Children, grandchildren, dacha. Sexual performance is noticeably reduced, and boredom sets in.

A man needs youthful peach cheeks and a round butt, which both raise self-esteem and return him to the days of teenage hypersexuality. With a young girlfriend, a man feels young again, full of life and sex. He wants to get a boost of youth for future use. Wants to increase the baggage of sexual stories. And he throws himself into all sorts of troubles, chasing after 20-year-old girls. Maybe not always leading to sex... The main thing is to convince the wife that there was no sex.

PROBLEM:

In this crisis, a man rarely leaves his wife. He understands that the young couple is essentially not suitable for him. All day long being close to the young nymph is beyond my strength, and there is nothing to talk about. It’s more interesting with someone the same age. General biography, Friends. This is also explained by the fact that in our rapidly changing world, the cultural continuity of generations is broken. Modern 20-year-olds find it difficult to answer the question of who Brodsky is, and older people have no idea what “Prodigy” means. The worst thing in this situation is that the wife does not kick out her “late Romeo”, but simply removes him from family affairs. In Russia, the life of a traditional family is built around the grandmother. Who sits with the grandchildren? Who will support a young family with advice, participation and home-canned food? The grandmother is now an authority and a formidable social force, and the walking grandfather will be condemned and boycotted by all his relatives. Moreover, the divorce most likely will not be filed. Therefore, the fact is not reflected in the statistics.

Your wife, believe me, is worried too. She has the “closed door” crisis described in the last issue. Plus grandchildren, a dacha, etc. And here you are still jumping on the “chicks”. Here you need to step on the throat of your belated marriage song. Or carry out your sexual raids unnoticed by your other half. And sing praises to your wife and convince her of your fidelity, even if she sensed something. This is a white lie.

The crisis will pass, but the celebration of life will continue, and it would be nice not to be an outcast at it.

Tatiana OGNEVA, Daria ZAVGORODNAYA

NOTES OF THE VICTIM

No guys, it's not like that...

A rather serious crisis occurred to me yesterday after I read material about men’s crises. As they say, “despair took possession of me.” Why? Yes, because my life, it turns out, has not been a success at all. Judge for yourself.

How beautifully the period from 13 to 22 years is described! I just want to exclaim: people live! And I... I didn’t withdraw into myself, I didn’t give up on women, I didn’t knock anyone up. Why, he didn’t even fill himself with love bumps. It's a shame, right?

Go ahead. In the period from 35 to 43 years old, everything also went awry for me. I didn’t go through a divorce, I didn’t get carried away with spiritual practices, and my philosophical interest in life didn’t sharpen. The thought that " women's bodies... all the same”, did not become obvious to me (there are still some differences). Is there something wrong with me again? On the other hand, you can find consolation in the fact that if I didn’t have a midlife crisis, then maybe I myself average age hasn't arrived yet? So, we’ll live a while longer!

The alarming thing is that for some reason the third crisis (“gray hair in my beard”) came to me much earlier than the required 55 years. There is a beard, and gray hair too. Children, dacha - everything is in place. Need for "peach cheeks and round butts"? Otherwise! But why should I consider all this a crisis? I don't know, I like it.

And yet, instead of criticizing the theory of three male critical periods (on the sole grounds that my personal experience does not confirm it), I want to say that I consider the material of D. Zavgorodnya and T. Ognevaya to be highest degree timely and certainly useful. By reading it, men will be able to find justification for many of their actions, for which they would previously have been ashamed (“sorry, honey: the crisis has worsened, if it were wrong”). Women will become more tolerant of the light pranks of their lovers. And complaints about your husband returning home late or traces of lipstick on the collar of his shirt will sound more gentle.
Moreover, women themselves, as follows from our publication on November 10, have 4 crises in their lives, and men only have 3. So, excuse me, girls, you also owe us.

Have you noticed how a man you know, a fully accomplished person as a person, as a professional in his field and as a wonderful family man, suddenly becomes not himself, as if he had been replaced? A man leaves his beloved wife, abandons his own children, is constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, withdraws into himself, changes his profession, or plans to cross the ocean at the age of 40 on a rowing boat, all alone except for his dog, and does other unforeseen actions. In general, the man acts as if he is a completely different person, but not the guy you have known for 25 years, since school. It’s as if the person has been replaced!

Sometimes a man changes beyond recognition; not only acquaintances and friends, but even his closest people and family do not recognize him. In many such cases, even the men themselves cannot understand what is happening to them. Therefore, the task of loved ones and relatives is to help a man overcome the period of midlife crisis and support the man in his new life. life stage. After all, a midlife crisis in men is a stage during which males reconsider their attitude towards themselves, as well as their attitude towards to the outside world. There comes a period of re-evaluation of habitual views on life, a change in foundations and values.

A midlife crisis in men has its advantages, which help to realize the fact that life does not stand still, and even with age, something needs to be changed, you need to live in a new way and gratefully accept all the gifts of adulthood.

In many cases, symptoms of a midlife crisis include:

Depressive state, loss of meaning in life.
It may seem to a man that he made a mistake in choosing a profession, place of work, as well as in choosing a life partner.
Loss of significance of all material achievements, family happiness, complete disappointment in people.
The life we live seems unfair and boring.
Complete dissatisfaction with yourself.
The desire to turn your world upside down, to replace routine work with who knows what.
Family life, social circle and familiar people acquire a “taste” of monotony.
For outsiders, a man's midlife crisis causes misunderstanding and condemnation. In turn, the man believes that his surroundings (people) treat him with misunderstanding, refuse to support him, therefore he can have nothing in common with them and even have nothing to talk to them about.

In social circles, such a phenomenon as a midlife crisis is called the “rebellion of forty-year-olds,” but in fact, a crisis in men can occur at 30 and 50 years old. Everything happens very individually. As a rule, men begin to experience such a difficult period after thirty years. It would be correct to highlight the word “begin”, because this stage in life may not last a month or a year, but can be a whole decade long. The crisis stage is one of the most difficult and dramatic periods in a man’s life. In terms of the intensity of experiences and emotional instability, the midlife crisis can be compared to the teenage period in boys. It is worth adding that both periods, adolescence and midlife crisis, have many similar emotional experiences.

Causes of midlife crisis in men

Most often, during a midlife crisis, all previously hushed problems from the past, from adolescence. You could even say that a man is going through a second transitional period of growing up. If a man in the past, in adolescence, was unable to leave the zone of influence of his relatives (mom, dad) in time, then after 30-40 years the man begins to realize that until that moment he lived and thought not according to his own desires, but acted according to other people's "laws". And now he wants to create his own “laws” himself. From here comes a natural craving and desire to know yourself, to find your way. This stage in life is not just a crisis - it is a global and final restructuring of a man, his values, his views on the world, on people and on himself.

Not all men experience a crisis due to the fact that they are influenced by complexes from adolescence; more often there are other reasons for this:

Reason 1: success

Yes, it is the success of a man aged 30-50 that plays a huge role in his life. Around the age of 30-40, men achieve a certain professional growth and status in their careers. Here the man stops and asks himself questions: “Where to move next? How to live further? After all, the peak has already been reached, where should I go? How to stay on this peak and not fall? After all, young and carefree guys are pushing you from behind, on the way to the top. Should I change my profession? What if I don’t have enough strength? Maybe I'm too old for this? Will I have enough time to achieve a new goal? Will I have time to do everything? and other questions.

Reason 2: age-related changes

Biological time is running forward and physiological and age-related changes occur in the body of every man, the male body begins to age. A man experiences changes in his appearance, his sex drive becomes lower, his hormonal levels are unstable, and his strength goes away. Not all men can accept such very difficult psychological and physiological changes. Especially in a society where there is propaganda of youth, a beautiful pumped up body, ideal beauty, vigor of the body and strength of spirit.

Reason 3: social significance

As life progresses social role men change: from little boy he becomes an adult man, from a junior trainee he becomes the head of a department, from a freedom-loving guy he becomes a responsible family man who provides material and spiritual benefits for himself, his wife and children. Next, the man comes at a time when parents are aging, and some parents, unfortunately, die. Not all men are ready for such turns of events and such changes in life - a complete change of roles. After all, you have to take responsibility for many other people: a wife, elderly parents, teenage children with their own problems, etc. Therefore, in the end, a man begins to feel depressed, he understands that almost all of life has passed, he I achieved it, I did everything for myself and my family, so what will happen next? Old age? Without purpose and meaning?

Dangers of crisis

During a crisis, the most dangerous point of view is the depressive point of view: I can’t do anything, my life is lost, who needs me when I’m old, etc. Such self-pity needs to be nipped in the bud, because every age has its advantages. You need to look at the world from a positive point of view: everything will work out, I’m just starting to live, I accept the world as it is and let the world accept me as I am. Any praise, any kind word in relation to yourself and your age, social status can significantly lift your spirits and look at the world differently.

There is also danger in making lightning-fast decisions for men to change everything radically once and for all. For example, this could include the desire to leave your family, take an unreasonable risk, give up everything, sell your house, give money to the poor and go to live in Tibet as a wanderer, etc. All radical decisions may bring a change in life, but they are self-deception and will ultimately fill the soul only with sadness. After all, you cannot run away from yourself, the illusion is beautiful, but you need to change the world within yourself.

A crisis in men can be a wonderful rebirth, a new stage for takeoff and the start of new ideas, as well as achievements.

This does not mean that you need to radically change all your usual foundations and lifestyle; you can only continue to develop and boldly follow your own path. A man needs to evaluate the time he has lived, all important situations, accept all past experience, rethink your desires and expectations, accept yourself as new, thank yourself for what you have achieved and continue to achieve even more in the new period of life. After all, life is valued not by the years lived, but by how much joy and elation there was in it.

It is important to conduct an audit of one’s life path, to realize the fact that every person grows up and comes to an age where everything seems to have already been achieved and there is no goal. But a midlife crisis is not a death sentence, and therefore it should be treated like a game of chess, life makes a move and there is a way out to meet it. Therefore, you should think about all your actions, stay in high spirits and not forget that all problems can be solved, no matter how difficult they may seem.

Look at some grandfathers who, at 60, are as bright as guys at 20. They do what they love, sports, look for new goals and do not lose heart. While others are already burying themselves after 45 years, they say, their life is lost, there is no point and they don’t want to look for it. But there is a point! You need to accept your fate and your life path, accept yourself as you are now. Try to find like-minded people, change your psychological environment, find those goals that make you smile and that make you want to live.

It all depends on the man, on how much he wants and can accept his physiological and psychological changes, problems, and also a lot depends on the strength to look straight into the eyes of his new future.

How to help a man overcome a midlife crisis?

Be patient, support your man and do not react to his mood swings. Try to live through this period with understanding.
Be prepared for the fact that such a period can last a long time, in some cases it drags on for many years.
Don’t blame the man, it’s also hard for him now. Give the man time to realize his needs and decide on his desires.
Don't insist that a man go to the doctor. Don't give him advice and don't force him to follow it.
The wife and children should not overreact to changes in the father's condition. Give him the opportunity to be alone.
Do not create scandals or scenes of jealousy, do not reproach or blame the man for what happened.
Control yourself, even if the man behaves disgustingly. Give him time to come to his senses.
Show him that you love him no matter what and are always ready to give him a helping hand.
Do not threaten a man, do not manipulate children, housing, etc.
If a man begins to seek salvation in alcohol or smoking, try to talk to him gently.
Show him all your love and care.
If a man decides to leave the family, do not keep him, no matter how strange it may sound.
If a man decides to change his field of activity, support him, inspire life in him with your faith in him.

How to survive a midlife crisis in men

There are very rarely cases when a midlife crisis comes unnoticed and passes without much change. In any case, a midlife crisis brings some changes to a man’s life. Therefore, all disagreements and conflicts must be resolved immediately and at the first stage of their occurrence. You need to be able to find a compromise.

A man should be prepared for changes in psychological state, mood swings, and rash (spontaneous) actions. The main thing is to understand that this is only a period that must be passed through with dignity. This is kind of the second adolescence. But life goes on and there is a place in it for young people, adults and grandfathers. Try not to listen to others that 45 years is almost old. No, this is not old age, for a man 45-50 years old is a second youth, and there is no time for sadness, you need to have time to enjoy life.
IN family relationships, there will also be changes, do not expect that the relationship with your wife will remain the same as 5 years ago. It is inevitable that passion will dull, but there are many options to refresh the relationship and bring new fire into it. Buy a ticket and go on a trip with your wife, relax by the sea, go skiing, etc. This is why a crisis is needed to appreciate the past and make the future even more wonderful.
A man should play sports and keep his body in good shape. After all, everyone knows that psychological health and physiological health are interconnected. Therefore, moderate exercise and proper nutrition will help maintain overall health in order.
A man should find a hobby. It could be anything, even collecting radio-controlled toy cars, any activity that a man likes.
If a man cannot overcome this period on his own, he should consult a doctor. The doctor will help you get through a difficult period, tell you how to survive this stage in life. In especially severe cases, when men lose the meaning of life and become depressed, the doctor may prescribe special medications and a healthy diet for the man in order to more quickly and painlessly return to normal.

Those men who have survived everything turning points midlife crisis, they jokingly say about this time, “Grey hair in the head, devil in the rib.” But at the same time, they always emphasize that life after 40 years is only the very beginning of a fascinating journey called life. A midlife crisis in men is not a reason to be sad, because every new day can bring wonderful moments of joy and new meaning in life.

How is a midlife crisis expressed in men and ways that can help a man cope with depression during this period.

Have women ever experienced such situations when a once cheerful and cheerful loved one suddenly becomes gloomy and irritable? Do frequent depressions already seem normal to you? Congratulations, your chosen one smoothly transitioned into middle age and felt the crisis of this period. Let's figure out together what this time is and how to cope with it.

What is a midlife crisis in men?

Not all women realistically assess the situation in which a man finds himself during a midlife crisis. It seems to wives that all this is trifle and nonsense. But for a man this is deeply psychological stress.

After all, it is during this period that, in a man’s understanding, he ceases to be a reckless guy (even if he has been married for 10 years), but becomes a serious and responsible man. And if the wife does not support and reassure the man, then he can not only withdraw into himself, but even go on a long binge or find solace in another woman.

What is a midlife crisis? It's actually simple a certain milestone in which a man already has status, family and a certain circle of friends. But for a man, the crisis has its own specific nuances.

He suddenly realizes that half of his life is already behind him and takes a closer look at what he has. In addition, he looks very meticulously - the car could be better, the house bigger, the wife more beautiful. And here it is, depression has arrived.

By his personal standards, everything he achieved was very modest. Again, he remembers his mistakes that were made at the time, in his opinion, of his youth. And realizing that not all of them could be corrected, he becomes even more sad.

The next stage is a reassessment of values. Now what you wanted to achieve before doesn’t seem so desirable. And what is desired is very unrealistic. It becomes unclear to a man what he needs and how to get it.

In addition, the man believes that he is still great and should do everything better than the young guys at work, in the gym during training. And when for some reason this does not happen, a wave of negative emotions simply covers the man. And when he approaches the mirror and sees a couple of new wrinkles or gray hair along with an emerging fox, a man loses the remnants of optimism.

Signs and symptoms of midlife crisis in men at 30, 33, 35, 40, 45, 50, 52 years and after

So, let's look at what men look and feel during a midlife crisis. It is also important to consider that it does not last a week or a month, but can last for several years.

A man's behavior changes dramatically. That merry fellow is no longer there - a gloomy, depressed man has appeared. Guys who were previously calm become, on the contrary, the life of the party and may become excessively involved in alcohol.
The man now goes to work very reluctantly. After all, 20 years ago he dreamed that he would become the head of a holding company, but it turned out that now he is only a manager in a trading company. But he really understands that achieving something will be more difficult than at the age of 20. If you don’t support a man in time, you may end up getting fired from your job.
Accompanied by a deterioration in the psychological state, the man physical health deteriorates. After all, as has long been proven, all problems are caused by nerves. And worrying about any failures, a man faces deteriorating health.
A man becomes dissatisfied for any reason– your favorite borscht is now under-salted and sour, beautiful wife suddenly I got a belly and cellulite. And he himself turns into an old man. These thoughts simply weigh heavily on a man.

From 30 to 33 years old, a man has another crisis period when he gains complete independence and freedom. And it is very important not to let a man savor freedom, because if he is married, then this union will weigh on him. Free people, having gained freedom, will not want to burden themselves with family ties.

From time immemorial, a man was a breadwinner and a warrior. But over time, the biological clock, ticking, led the guy to irreversible aging processes. This is where the crisis arose, because realizing that youth is passing, the following also appear:

Prostration
Hormonal changes
Decreased libido and, as a consequence, potency
Weight gain

The midlife crisis in men can be compared to menopause in women. This can be associated with reduced levels of testosterone in the blood. But men absolutely do not want to lose their past successes, including sexually. Therefore, it is often after 35 years they have several more ladies of their hearts.

In this way, a man proves, first of all, to himself that he can still attract the attention of women. That is, it simply asserts itself.

And if before the age of 35 men are looking for themselves and achieving certain goals, then after 40 they already consider and evaluate everything that they have achieved. And according to psychologists, a man at 40-45 years old wants to see himself like this:

In career - a victorious warrior
In the family - the head and breadwinner
The steering wheel is only for a high-class car and a powerful yacht
In society - recognition and admiration

And if all this is achieved, then the man does not experience joy. Again, by the age of 50, you get more and more fears. What to do next? Buy another car or house, go to a resort. But all this somehow fails to evoke what many may find delightful.

And his wife, it seems to him, no longer admires his successes so much. And buying another fur coat is considered a given, without gratitude in the eyes.

In addition, from 40 to 55 years old, a man is terribly tormented by one thought - he may lose potency. And without this, as they think the mighty of the world That's it, they don't mean anything anymore. And then it begins, as in famous saying“gray hair in the beard, demon in the rib.”

Young lovers, according to older men, stimulate his libido and improve potency. But this is the mistake men make - they think that it is the deterioration of potency that has cooled their family life and support it with the help of young girls. But it is the presence of a mistress (rarely a woman does not know about her rival) that worsens her personal life.

After all, the woman also worries that she is no longer as fresh as before. And maybe the man has lost interest in her. That's how it works snowball out of misunderstanding, which can destroy the family.

It is important to be patient, because a man may have a crisis from 3 to 5 years. And often the outcome of this period depends on the wise behavior of relatives and wives. After all, the endurance of the wife and children will help the man return to his family and familiar circle. It is not the desire to understand the husband’s psychological disorders that leads to the breakdown of the family.

When does a midlife crisis in men begin and end, and how long does it last?

As we have already found out earlier, a midlife crisis is a very individual period that can begin both at 30 and 50 years old. It all depends on the man’s inner mood and his values – family, children, successful work.

The fewer values a man has, the earlier and longer the crisis period can last. Therefore, it is important to identify the cause in time and take comprehensive measures to eliminate the partner’s depression. The wife needs to have conversations with her husband, support him, and involve the children in spending time together.

It is important for a man to understand that he is not alone and everything is in his power. Only in this case will the midlife crisis pass for a man quickly and with the least emotional distress. If the wife and children cannot help the man on their own, then you may have to seek help from a psychologist.

Midlife crisis in men - depression: how to survive it, how to get out of it?

Depression during a midlife crisis is a phenomenon that will not surprise anyone. But it must be overcome. Let's figure out how to do this.

Let's look at everything step by step:

Problems at work– low salary, always dissatisfied management, envious colleagues.

In this case, you need to find out whether you need this type of activity. Maybe you should take a little vacation and look for yourself new job. Yes, it’s difficult and maybe even scary to start something over again. But is this worse than going to work like going to hard labor? Or maybe you can try working for yourself. You just need to decide on the field of activity and not give up.

Problems with my wife- misunderstandings, scandals.

The important thing here is not to be selfish. Reconsider your behavior, because it’s not only the woman who is wrong in everything. Think about how best to smooth out this or that situation. Take one step forward and get two steps in return.

But if a man cannot cope with depression on his own and the situation only gets worse, then you need to visit a specialist. An experienced psychologist will be able to help, find common ground and ways to solve the problem.

In addition, if the depression is deep, the psychotherapist may resort to drug treatment.

IMPORTANT: Drug treatment should only be carried out by a psychotherapist. There is no need to treat a man with medications that helped a relative or colleague. The choice of drug is selected individually, taking into account the degree of depression.

Drug treatment may consist of:

Antidepressants, of which there are a huge number. All of them contribute to the elimination anxiety state, depression. They also improve sleep and appetite.
tranquilizers, which are used at the beginning of short-term treatment. The effect of taking the drugs occurs after about 2 weeks.
Mood stabilizers. These drugs eliminate depressive disorder and stabilize mood. After taking it, the man will not experience mood swings in the depressive direction.
Vitamins– for normalization nervous system use vitamin B.

Midlife crisis in men - mistresses, leaving the family: what should a woman do?

Every woman has faced a man's midlife crisis. Very often a man finds a solution to the problem in a new hobby, a young girl who will lift his spirits and more.

The result of such spree is often divorce, and most often on the initiative of the wife. But in vain, because when going to the side, a man never at first thinks about leaving the family. A man after 35 in this case can look for new positive emotions and a sexual charge, nothing more. And no matter how the wives think about eternal love, but the man is fed up with family ties and is looking for fire on the side.

But many men at the age of 40 admit that their wife completely suits them as a companion, hostess and mother. And a girl on the side is just a temporary hobby. And while spending leisure time with his mistress, a man first of all thinks about maintaining a secret. After all, he is an excellent family man, a careerist and a caring father. And if this happens, then the combination of mistress + wife brings him a positive emotional surge.

But everything secret someday becomes clear and the time comes when the wife finds out about the betrayal from “well-wishers”. Moreover, very often the mistress herself informs about this, thinking that, in this way, she will get the man alone. Not every woman is ready to be in the background all her life.

And if the betrayal had not been exposed, then after a year or two the man was tired of his young passion, and he returned to the quiet family shore. But in life there are unpredictable and unexpected situations. What to do?

It is important for a woman to behave with restraint and correctly in this situation. And this means, so that your husband does not go away during a depression crisis to seek solace on the side, try to take care of yourself, be well-groomed and feminine. Support your man, listen to him and be a friend, partner and a great lover.

But don't turn self-care into fanaticism. Otherwise, a man will leave his eternally brilliant wife with long nails and false eyelashes to go where they will simply prepare him delicious borscht. Find a middle ground.

But imagine that you were informed about treason. What are your actions? Yes, first of all, I want to tear out all my mistress’s hair, slap my husband in the face and throw him out the door, expecting him to crawl on his knees every day begging for forgiveness.

But here it is important to understand the psychology of a forty-year-old man. At this age, they no longer want troubles, although many never want this. And especially if the other one accepts him with open arms, then it may turn out that by collecting his things, you will only make his life easier. He will calmly go into the warm arms of a satisfied passion.

But this course of events does not suit us. Therefore, you should remember these rules:

Keep your mouth shut. Yes, it’s difficult and you want to do something nasty to your mistress in front of everyone. But be wise, this will be credited to you later. And later, when everything ends well for you, you will pour your spouse on the first day. But now it is important not to disclose these personal nuances.
Find an ally. Believe it or not, your mother-in-law will help you with this. After all, she also worries about her beloved son. And if she finds out that he abandoned his children and his wife for the sake of a young, fidgety girl, she is unlikely to be happy. Maybe, for starters, she will show irony to her daughter-in-law that, they say, she apparently behaved badly with her son, since he went on a spree. But he will have a conversation with a man, rest assured.
Get information about your opponent. You won’t find out the truth from a man, besides, he will easily tell you that he had nothing to do with it, that she bewitched her, got her drunk, etc. But you need to find out everything about her as much as possible and understand what attracted your man to her.

Here the victory will be won by the one who is wiser and more self-possessed, cunning and calm. You just need to let your husband go, yes, yes, you heard right. Just tell your husband: “If she is more important to you, then you can be with her. But you should know that I cannot live without you, because I love and value you.”

Remember that the best remedy to keep a man - let him go. Under no circumstances should you kick your husband out. Even if it hurts a lot and you don’t have the strength to see him. Talk to your partner and let him talk.

It is also important to learn to forgive. Yes, it is difficult and painful, but all people make mistakes. And maybe right now your husband has realized how dear you and your family are to him.

The main thing to remember is that it is important to be attentive to each other. Don’t spend your leisure time with books and TV alone, but do everything together, find common interests, travel. And then the husband will be so passionate about his family and wife that, behind the joyful impressions, he will not allow the demon to penetrate his soul and body.

When is the most difficult age for men – the crisis years?

For men, a crisis period may occur more than once and different periods In life, a man faces situations that cause him to feel depressed. These periods can be divided into the following:

13-16 years old- at this age, a guy wants to seem very mature not only in the eyes of others, but also in his own. An important action at this moment is to demonstrate independence from parents. But the answer is often only conflicts and misunderstandings.
21-23 years old– during this period, studies have already been completed and you have to bear responsibility for your actions at work. It’s no longer possible to skip a couple or not do homework. Now you have to come to work early and possibly stay late. Gatherings with friends don't happen so often anymore. At first, all this may cause young man feeling of tossing, nervousness, fussiness.
30 years– this period for some is a harbinger of a crisis, and for some it already completely takes hold at this age. During this period, a man begins to realize what he has achieved in life and what niche he has occupied. There comes an understanding that some standards were set too high and therefore not achieved.

35 years– at this moment the man begins to look at his surroundings. And first of all, this concerns the wife and children. Now it seems to him that falling in love has already passed, and a routine and time have appeared that cannot be returned. Now the days fly by for him inexorably, adding new wrinkles to his face. Where would we be without depression? Quarrels, scandals, and sprees of a depressed man are often noted here. But, if the wife finds the strength to endure this period, then the man’s depression goes away over time and he begins to live more realistically, set achievable goals and successfully achieve them.
By the age of 40 the man develops a new degree of depression. And even if a person is quite successful, then the reason turns out to be new. Namely, illness. At this age, a man was most likely already in the hospital for one reason or another, monitoring the chronic diseases of friends with whom he could previously revel incessantly for several days in a row. And here very often thoughts about death arise. After all, age, in their opinion, already obliges us to think about it. Here it is important to convey to the man that you just need to monitor your own health and lead a healthy lifestyle.
50 years– now a man is increasingly becoming like a small child. In addition, the child is sickly, the man constantly begins to hurt something. But if the wife does not support the man at this most difficult moment for him, then it is possible that he will find a young girl who will care and naively look into the eyes of her beloved. This is where he will seek peace.

Try to help the man cope with emotional breakdowns. Understand that this may seem like a small thing to you, but for the stronger sex such failures become a problem and a very serious one. Take care of your loved ones!

Midlife crisis in men: what are the consequences?

No matter how long depression lasts, it cannot last forever. And therefore it is important to provide possible consequences of this period. They may be as follows:

Favorable. After much painful thought, the man decides that his wife is, after all, reliable support and support, the children love him, and his work brings him pleasure. Therefore, the man begins to set more realistic goals for himself and returns to a normal, cheerful life.

Unfavorable. In this case, a man who is not satisfied with anything in his life begins to change everything dramatically. This applies to everything: wife, work, environment. Very often, having failed to achieve success in his new life, a man knocks on the door of his abandoned wife. But this door is not always opened. Such events can drag a man into a new depression and leave him, as they say, broke.

Midlife crisis in men: how to overcome?

If you are looking for a solution to your man’s midlife crisis on the Internet, then you are both right and making a mistake. You are right because you need to read information and psychological advice from other people. This needs to be done in order to be prepared for the different course of a man’s depressive state. But the mistake may be that not all measures are applicable to your husband. All people are individual, and what helped one woman’s husband will not always help yours.

Having more or less figured out what needs to be done, it’s time to study the main mistakes. These are the actions that should not be performed:

Do not force yourself on a depressed man with advice. There is no need to use: “I believe”, “I am sure”, “I know what is best.” A man must understand that he himself is capable of making this or that decision.
Don't blame yourself for your husband's depression. Every man experiences this stage to one degree or another.
A man should not see your tears. In this situation, he will not feel sorry for you, but will only become even more angry.
Do not be offended if a man does not show signs of attention to you, he is now all about himself and his problems. But you, in turn, show tenderness and support your partner. This will give him confidence in his need.
Give the man freedom, let him think calmly. But make sure that he doesn’t like this freedom.
Never talk about divorce. In such a state, a man can easily agree to this, and then you will have to regret it.
No scenes of jealousy. This can lead either to a groundless scandal out of nowhere or the man leaving your life.
Don't stop looking after yourself. Play sports, visit beauty salons. Be in shape, but don't make a doll of yourself. Self-development of a partner will invigorate a man.

A man's midlife crisis is inevitable. But thanks to close people and a pleasant home atmosphere, it can be fleeting and easy.

Video: Midlife crisis in men

From time to time, all people experience not only depression, but also crises. The most severe and prolonged crisis in a man’s life is the so-called “midlife crisis,” which occurs in age period from 40-42 to 48-50 years. During these years, most men begin to feel a decline in vital energy(“I used to be able to stay up all night and do nothing, but now I don’t get two hours of sleep - I’m overwhelmed all day”) and sum up the first results of life (“What I managed to do, what I didn’t manage to do, and what I’ll never manage to do again”).

Doctor and psychotherapist D. Dobson calls four “enemies” in the life of a middle-aged man: his own body, work, family and Fate.

So, the first “enemy” is the aging body: “That guy, who just a few years ago was called Joe, is now starting to give in. His hair is falling out, despite feverish efforts to preserve and protect every remaining strand. “Am I going bald!?” he shudders. Then he notices that he no longer has the former stamina and reserve of vitality that he was once proud of. He begins to choke, climbing the stairs. The expression of confidence gradually disappears from his face, and he remains depressed in front of the mirror, amazed by all the discoveries. and Joe who can't believe his eyes."

The second “enemy” is work: “Dissatisfaction with one’s professional affairs reaches its maximum strength in men, usually in middle age. Awareness of the brevity of one’s existence makes a person think about how not to miss a single day of the remaining years of life. However, most men have there are few options for choice. The financial needs of the family require them to continue efforts in the previously chosen field, since the children must go to college, it is necessary to pay for the house, in general, to do everything so that the life to which the family is accustomed can continue. Sometimes it becomes more and more difficult for a man.”

The third "enemy" is the family: "The turbulent years of self-doubt and delving into one's problems can bring devastation to family life. Such a man can become embittered, depressed or aggressive. All of these manifestations can turn against those who are closest to him. He begins to resent the fact that his wife and children need him, no matter how hard he works, they demand. more money how he can earn money, and this makes him very irritated... And the man again begins to be overcome by the desire to get rid of everything.”

The fourth “enemy” is Fate: “With the help of rather strange logical manipulations, a man begins to blame Fate for all his misfortunes, getting into a pose of anger and rebellion.”

How Russian men are they coping with the crisis and what actions are they taking? The main “therapeutic” remedy needed by a man during this period is an emotional or physical shake-up, activation of vitality. There are different ways to achieve the inner uplift that energetically fueled a man during his youth, and everyone chooses their own path.

Both I and the reader know which paths our Russian men most often choose. Yes, it could be a series love affairs with young or very young women. It's no secret that new love and the new sensations and experiences associated with it have an exciting effect, increasing vitality and having a certain rejuvenating effect.

Quite often, unfortunately, alcohol is such a stimulant, which at first really brings relief from difficult experiences.

Many successful middle-aged men throw themselves into work, trying to climb the career “ladder” as high as possible and becoming truly workaholics.

There are also cases of unexpected “leaving” - transferring affairs to a trusted person and leaving the city (to a dacha, a country house, growing flowers, breeding domestic or exotic animals).

In all these cases, one can see a man’s desperate desire to “run away from himself,” to forget himself, to shield himself from problems of a physical, emotional and spiritual nature. In addition, during this period, a man brings harm to himself and others. Romances with young girls are the destruction of one’s own family, in which the wife, a middle-aged woman, and growing children. Alcohol initially brings relief, then addiction sets in and an even greater increase in depressive emotions occurs. In Rus', there is nothing worse than alcoholism: loss of work, family, devastation. But strange “departures” or “runs away” into forests and fields are also traumas, most often to loved ones.

But excuse me, why should a crisis be experienced as a destructive period in life? Why do you need to worsen your life and the lives of your loved ones during these years? Why do you need to count your years with fear, become depressed and suffer, making the people you care about suffer? After all, you can survive a crisis in a completely different way: calmly and constructively, improving your life and the lives of the people around you!

What should you do for this?

First and foremost: calmly and with dignity accept your age and the physical, emotional and spiritual changes associated with it. In fact, the middle of life can be the most flourishing, valuable and fruitful period in a person’s life: experience and knowledge have been accumulated, there is energy and activity. A man knows what he wants from life and understands his aspirations.

Decided and settled personal life, the children grew up and became stronger. IN Sundays A large family sits at the dinner table, the center of which is the spouses, and the man is the leading center.

Second: tune in to constructively living through your crisis period of life, without worsening or destroying your life, but, on the contrary, improving it and rising to a new, qualitatively higher level.

Third: rebuild your life and develop a “program for successfully surviving the crisis.” As we wrote above, a man needs a physical and emotional shake-up. This can be achieved in “civilized ways”: there are activities that are associated with powerful activation of energy. Thus, my observations show that renovating or exchanging an apartment, changing the decor in the house, building a new building has a huge therapeutic effect on an active man. country house, buying a car, etc. Various hobbies (collecting, doing something with your own hands, etc.) improve your internal state and bring positive emotions.

Fourth: a middle-aged man needs to take care of his physical condition. It has also been noticed that men who are overweight, loose, and have forgotten who they were when their body was obedient and their muscles were strong and elastic are experiencing the crisis most difficult. And this can be remembered: swimming pool, game sports, hunting and fishing, etc. Many men who return to sports are surprised to notice how quickly the body gains flexibility and mobility, and no trace remains of difficult experiences.

Fifth: you need to organize your life in such a way that there is a place for joy, some kind of pleasure, positive emotions. And make sure there is time for this. It’s great if there is a favorite job in which a person experiences highs of emotional states: creativity, resolving dead-end problems, finding original and fresh solutions.

Remember what brings you joy personally?

N.V. Samoukina
Excerpt from the book "Extreme Psychology", 2000.

Surely everyone has heard about the crisis of 40 years in men. Some consider this to be the invention of psychologists, but one cannot help but admit that the problem really exists. It is between the ages of 37 and 45 years, on average, that most sudden changes in a man’s behavior and depressive states occur in the stronger sex.

Causes of the crisis

Psychologists have known for a long time what happens to a man at the age of 40, and have analyzed the reasons.

By the age of forty, a man begins to take stock of his life. He understands: there is not much time left to realize dreams and plans. If he has a successful career and is surrounded by family, all this begins to seem unimportant, small compared to what he could accomplish. If your success is average or non-existent, the awareness of your “worthlessness” can lead to long-term depression, which is sometimes treated with alcohol.
Health begins to fail. Testosterone levels decrease, which affects potency. Obsessive thoughts of becoming unable to give a woman maximum pleasure depress a man the most. He is drawn to repeatedly test his male viability on the side.
Real financial or family problems may worsen against the backdrop of a crisis age.

Symptoms of the crisis

External signs of a midlife crisis are manifested in the following symptoms:

Irritability, frequent silence, rapid mood swings, constant complaints of fatigue.
Dissatisfaction with oneself appears in conversations. Lost interest in life.
Changed in the worst side attitude towards the spouse, nagging, reproaches, accusations, sometimes ending in assault.
The sudden interest in healthy image life, which is obsessive in nature. Sports activities, diets, etc. begin. Sometimes such manic addictions can rather cause harm.
Awakened interest in one's appearance, the desire to change clothes to youthful ones, to do a different hairstyle.
The emergence of fears about male incompetence, the desire to use means for potency, even if this is not necessary.

Symptoms can be noticed individually or in different combinations.

Depending on the social status a 40-year-old man whose psychology and motives for his behavior differ.

Married man

An exemplary family man, who looks happy in his marriage, after 40 years suddenly starts relationships outside the family, or even does not settle on one woman at all. Typical signs of a crisis.

The reasons for this behavior may be caused by getting used to your spouse over many years. family life. She lost her former attractiveness, and sex became boring, without emotions. Of course, the man is sure that the woman is to blame: she is holding back freedom, does not respond sensitively to issues that concern him, is bogged down in everyday worries, and cannot adequately evaluate her spouse.

An affair on the side fills a man with forgotten romantic emotions, and his former sensuality awakens. New woman can admire him, listen carefully, reassure him. If there are no strong feelings on the part of the unfaithful spouse, then soon the mistress gets bored, and the man consoles himself with the other.

Important! A wise and patient woman will find the strength to wait for the end of her husband’s tossing - it is possible to save the marriage. But this does not always happen. Divorce often occurs.

Divorced man

The divorced spouse, contrary to expectations, does not find peace. A young lover rarely stays with a man. And he soon realizes that he made a mistake.

In loneliness, the understanding comes that freedom from previous family ties does not bring the joy that a man expected. Some continue to search for their ideal, others find a sexual partner, but rarely decide to remarry. Previous experience is also alarming.

Family situations are different, sometimes divorce is good for both. But more often, a divorced man experiences psychological discomfort, even depression.

Bachelor

A man accustomed to loneliness is also susceptible to an age crisis. It is almost impossible for him to overcome the psychological barrier to start a family. A bachelor lives in his own established environment with developed habits; it is difficult for him to imagine his “soul mate” next to him.

The age of 40 is the time when unpleasant thoughts appear about one’s uselessness, a life lived aimlessly without heirs. Bachelors are susceptible to the onset of crisis somewhat later than married men. But overcoming it is much more difficult.

A man with a narcissist complex

There is a phenomenon characterized as “narcissism”. A “narcissistic” man is in love with himself, tends to inflate his self-esteem, cannot tolerate any criticism, is focused on his own personality and is deaf to the problems of other people - a typical egocentric. It is difficult for such a person to build relationships, and often the “narcissist” remains lonely in adulthood.

The 40-year-old crisis can have a beneficial effect on this category of people. The “narcissist” begins to think about his place in life, which forces him to rethink the scale of values. From the height of his years, many things are seen differently; for the first time, the “narcissist” blames himself for life’s failures, although previously self-criticism was not his trait.

Important! A man experiences severe psycho-emotional stress, after which he significantly changes his behavior and is able to change his destiny. Thus, the “narcissist” uses the crisis for self-renewal.

Help in overcoming the crisis

No medications to help resolve psychological problems, does not exist. Not everyone turns to psychologists, although their help can be effective. Many people don’t even recognize behavioral changes as a crisis. But loved ones, to one degree or another, suffer and can help survive negative moments by showing understanding.

If a man notices mental discomfort, the following tips will be useful to him:

A change of scenery has a good effect. You can go on a trip - new experiences will distract you from worries and return joy to life.
Play your favorite sport, but without obsession. Sports activities support health and improve mood.
If a person has long dreamed of some kind of hobby, but too much busyness and routine interfered with him, the moment has come to fulfill his desires. And there simply won’t be time for depressive thoughts.
Finally quit smoking. Sometimes giving up old habits can increase depression - it is necessary to combine it with activities that cause a surge of positive energy (sports, hobbies).
You need to learn to understand that you will truly appreciate your existing family when you lose it. Building a marital relationship with a new partner is always more difficult than solving emerging problems with your spouse. In other words, it’s worth looking at your achievements in family life from a different perspective.
Diversify your diet, eat more vegetables and fruits, and to maintain libido high level pamper yourself with aphrodisiac foods - chocolate, dates, seafood, nuts.
It is also recommended to try something new in sex with your partner, it always brings you closer and gives new breath to the relationship.

Important! If a man is married, the crisis must be overcome together with his wife, relying on her support.

How to behave as a woman

The wife's help does not consist of, like an attending physician, monitoring her husband's condition and showering him with recommendations. This is a choice of a model of behavior that is unobtrusive and calm, but at the same time such that the man feels his wife’s concern.

We need to prepare for the fact that the crisis may last a long time, sometimes years. Therefore, patience is very important.

You cannot force your husband to go to a psychologist, give unsolicited advice, or reproach himself for the situation that has arisen.
Excessive control, monitoring calls, SMS will only increase irritation.
You need to sincerely praise your husband for real achievements, but not flatter.
You should never allow him to feel the superiority of his wife, much less talk about it openly. Do not let friends and relatives speak condescendingly towards your husband if he is nearby.
It is important to take care of your appearance, to always be well-groomed and cheerful.
Many men have an increased craving for alcoholic beverages. No need to keep him company. It is better to try to stop dangerous hobbies. If necessary, undergo treatment with a narcologist.
If you suspect a secret intimate life The husband should not immediately sort things out. You need to continue to behave as if nothing is happening. This is the only way to save the marriage.
Scandals, reproaches - the most shortcut to divorce. It’s probably difficult to restrain yourself, but you need to understand that the man’s state is vulnerable, he won’t accept criticism, but will only get angry. Driven to despair, he may simply leave.
A woman must maintain restraint, not try to pity her husband with tears, and not threaten with any serious consequences.

Important! We must remember that a successful marriage is, first of all, patience and the ability to survive crises.

Finally

Every man experiences the 40-year-old crisis differently. Some people hardly notice it, others go through trials, and it helps “narcissists” change for the better.

Men who are aware of family support find it easier to overcome difficult situations and learn to understand that at any age, life has its advantages, and the simplest values are eternal.