Funny horoscope 3.50 /5 (4 votes)
Aries is an emotional bastard.
If he is passionate about something, he does not bother to explain his actions to others, he simply acts as he sees fit. Pride does not allow asking for forgiveness. I am convinced that the truth is in him.
Excuses: “Something came up”, “Damn confused me” etc.
Taurus is a greedy bastard.
We are obsessed with the idea of purchasing. A purposeful avenger, he always calculates the trajectory of the strike to be sure.
Excuses: "You are worthy of such a fate".
Geminis are a careless bastard.
Loves games, jokes, fun companies. The eternal dichotomy of evil and good. For the sake of a joke, he devalues rules and traditions, depriving them of drama, sincerely not understanding what he is doing and quickly forgets about it.
Excuses: “Are you offended? WHY?"
Cancer is a miserable bastard.
Because of his vulnerability, vulnerability, receptivity, he is always an “angel-like creature” who innocently suffered, while his opponent is a monster in “devilish guise”, even if Cancer himself is a champion in nastiness and dirty tricks. He will also make sure that the whole world knows how unfairly you treated him.
Excuses: “It’s your fault that I’m like this!”
Leo is a pompous bastard.
Well, everything is clear here, the crown is pressing, the greatness of the world is being distorted. Everything is divided into “He” and “the rest.” He is great, the others are dust underfoot.
Excuses: “I wanted it that way.”
Virgo is a vindictive bastard.
In the eternal pursuit of perfection, impeccability and correctness, he paints his portrait of “God in the flesh on earth”, such a walking messiah, and don’t let you be careless to speak unsatisfactorily and unfavorably about her. He may wait long and hard for the right chance to remember.
Excuses: Triumphantly "Do you remember …"
Libra is a mercantile bastard.
Windy and changeable. Great virtuosos get out of sticky situations. A real politician, pursuing his own interests, will promise, lie, or slander if necessary.
Excuses: none. Nacoyotil and disappeared.
Scorpio is a first-class bastard.
Those who like to create a veil of mystery around themselves such that they themselves become entangled in it, plus an unquenchable thirst for the ideal clouds their mind, forcing them to position themselves as an instrument of justice and retribution. If, from their point of view, you have violated some rules, you must be punished.
Excuses: none.
Sagittarius is a cantankerous bastard.
A very complex creature, eager to prove himself in the field of social activity and, quite successfully, in this matter. Tram squabbles, market squabbles, all kinds of quarrels and conflicts in which you can relieve your soul - this is his element.
Excuses: raised tone, meaningless text, obscene language.
Capricorn is a clueless bastard.
Just as an ostrich hides its head in the sand, believing that there is no danger, so a capricorn, with its horns resting “in anywhere”, does not want to see, feel and make decisions. Moreover, he firmly believes that if he persists in this way, the problem will resolve itself, and even according to his scenario, and when he sees the ashes around him, he will be stupidly surprised: “How did this happen?”
Excuses: "It happened".
According to eastern horoscope, 2018 a year will pass under the aegis of yellow dog. A comic horoscope for 2018 will tell you what to expect different signs zodiac from animal.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Aries
It's time for all Aries to put work on the backburner and say to themselves: “Hello, rest!” These guys worked really hard in the Year of the Rooster, it’s time to take a break and devote themselves to other areas of activity. Get yourself in order, powder your nose, take your significant other on your arm - and go ahead and look for adventures. Fortunately, as the comic horoscope for 2018 predicts, the Yellow Dog is ready to forgive you everything.
Attention! Don’t forget about your loved ones, they also need your attention - you can’t spend all your time in a stuffy office and with boring colleagues.
Definitely, next year Aries is the center of the Universe, the world revolves around you. But be careful with fans: there is a risk that someone will want to steal your heart seriously and for a long time. Don’t try to dive headlong into feelings. A dog will not help a drowning person, so remain vigilant.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Taurus
Taurus, are you ready to lose your head? As the comic horoscope 2018 predicts according to the zodiac signs, the Year of the Dog is preparing something mind-blowing for you; quickly hide your horns, otherwise you may scare the animal. It's time to leave your slowness for later and get used to the frantic rhythm, so that you don't have to wait long for the desired results of your scams.
Millions of praise and flattering words will be addressed to the representatives of the sign, no criticism, only charm. What can we say about luck, it will be all next year hold Taurus by the arm and accompany you at all important events.
About eternal mutual love dreamed? And here! The dog has already managed to prepare for Taurus a meeting with their other half. Looking forward to the sweet taste of the future in 2018? It's about time!
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Gemini
The comic horoscope for 2018 according to the signs states that it is time to gather all the will and strength into a fist and start changing your life. Hey, Gemini, stop lying on the couch and waiting for something to change, get up quickly and get rid of all the unnecessary junk and bad thoughts. The dog has prepared a lot for the representatives of the sign good opportunities for self-realization. Stay positive, change is just around the corner.
If you think about something for a long time, you can end up in the soup, as happened in the story with the rooster. Don't waste time, more action - less talk. And the Dog, for good efforts, will help Gemini experience the taste of true bliss. And if love is long-term, no more five-minute crushes public transport, under the auspices of the Dog only in the registry office.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for suspicious Cancers
Cancers were too mysterious and depressive, and the Dog came to change everything. Successes and new opportunities will fall into your claws themselves; all you have to do is grab them tightly and not let go. After all, the Yellow Dog doesn’t give everything for nothing, so it’s time for representatives of the sign to break stereotypes and change life principles, after all, the 21st century is just around the corner.
According to the comic horoscope for 2018, the Dog has prepared a sweet surprise for persistent and obedient Cancers in relationships. Tired of loneliness? Be ready to meet that very person who will gracefully enter your life and share your interests. Don't claw, otherwise you'll scare everyone around you.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Leo
No matter what Leos do, things don’t work out? And all because, according to the comic horoscope, in 2018 you should put aside your excessive pride, and then the Yellow Dog will reward the representatives of the sign with worthy fruits. Popularity, excessive attention and many fans will fall on Leo’s shoulders like snow. However, this is not new for Leos, because they are used to basking in the rays of glory.
With their chic and lush mane, Lions will conquer more than one lonely heart; the prey itself will fall into the clutches of the king of beasts. You just need to reconsider your relationships with your loved ones; they are unlikely to like your wild ardor and pride, and the Yellow Dog also does not like selfish people.
Comic horoscope for Virgo
In 2018, the comic horoscope recommends that Virgos discard their mask of an unfortunate victim, otherwise the Dog may simply pass you by. From January itself, take matters into your own hands and begin to work fruitfully both on yourself and on your well-being, because this month will decide the outcome of the entire next year. The Dog will reward diligent Virgos with all the blessings and boundless happiness.
But in love it is worth observing complete peace: there will be no end to the fans, the main thing is to choose a worthy candidate for a future together.
Comic horoscope for Libra
In 2018, it’s time for representatives of the sign to forget about their own impulsiveness, but watch their speech. Inadvertently spoken words addressed to your superiors, work colleagues or loved ones may have a bad impact on your reputation, and the Dog will not be able to pull you out of the fog of reproaches.
The dog advises you to listen to what Libra is saying. Good words don’t always sound sincere, be careful. Communicate only with those who pull you forward, and not to the deep dark bottom. And stop weighing everything so carefully, otherwise you will be left with nothing, while your neighbor is already purchasing a new car.
Comic horoscope for Scorpios
The comic horoscope for 2018 for all signs promises Scorpios incredible wealth, love and good luck, if representatives of the sign stop stinging everyone. Energy will flow like a river, inspiring Scorpios to do new things and crazy things. These guys will get what they want career growth at any cost, even if you have to stick out your sting.
Carefully! Don't joke with Scorpios!
It’s time for representatives of the sign to melt their selfish hearts and show sensitivity, because without this the Dog will not be able to help preserve harmony in personal life. Forget about narcissism, otherwise the patroness of the year may accidentally forget about you.
Comic horoscope for Sagittarius
What reward can Sagittarius expect in 2018? Of course, “Adviser of the Year”, because the wisdom of these guys is simply off the charts. They are ready to help anyone, for this the Dog certainly will not remain indifferent to the representatives of the sign. However, while helping others, you should not forget about yourself. Other people's problems are someone else's, but it's time to worry about your own too.
Success in the financial sector is inevitable, you can safely change jobs and throw banknotes left and right - but be careful. Parties, unbridled fun and a lot of entertainment await Sagittarius, but don’t forget about sleep: with bags under your eyes, you may not notice the love of your life walking somewhere nearby.
Comic horoscope for Capricorns
In 2018, point your horns towards your goals: great success is close and any obstacles can be jumped over.
Forget about melancholy and boredom, the Dog has something to please the representatives of the sign - this is success both in finances and in personal life.
Cupid is already aiming straight at your heart and will shoot at it in 2018. Capricorns will drown in an ocean of love and attention, what else is needed for happiness? These guys know how to love and deserve love forever. Even if not, don’t be upset, any relationship is also an experience.
Comic horoscope for Aquarius
Who knows, these guys know how to spill water. And in 2018 they will be ready to pour out a stream of their endless ideas and creative impulses to the broad masses, and all thanks to the Dog with her inspiration for the representatives of the sign. It’s better to take action and direct a stream of water at the right direction, then the result will be appropriate.
The eastern patroness also prepares surprises for Aquarius in their personal lives. A waterfall of love and passion will completely cover the representatives of the water element, just don’t forget to breathe so as not to lose your mind. And stop being so jealous, it's time to learn to trust your soulmate.
Comic horoscope for Pisces
2018 is the most favorable year for Pisces, in order to finally leave their usual aquarium and move to other water spaces. After all, as long as you can sit in one place, swim around and around, boldly swim forward and swim faster to your goals, and the Yellow Dog only accompanies these actions.
All the sea treasures will be yours as soon as you decide to go out into the world and conquer others. But for single Pisces, the coming year 2018 is simply ideal for dizzying novels, perhaps long-term ones. Be prepared, Cupid won't miss.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for schoolchildren and children
The comic horoscope for children for 2018 has prepared something very special - homework, of course, not the same as school, but also important. All representatives of the children of the zodiac signs should be more active both in school life, and extracurricular. Then good grades will flow like a river, and there will be sweets not only on holidays.
Get creative and improve school processes by automatically distributing cheat sheets or new technique cheating is also suitable. But at the same time, study, study, study - and praise will fall on your young shoulders, and then, look, gold medals are close. Be careful, otherwise you will have to wash the floor and wipe the dust in the classroom all year.
Comic horoscope in verse for 2018
Let's start with Aries for a comic horoscope in verse for 2018
These guys don't care
When do Taurus people know how to relax?
And only the best is selected.
And with Gemini you will never get bored,
They are always the soul of the company.
Cancers will spend a year without adversity,
They will devote time to love.
And Leos with their beautiful words
Ready to conquer anyone.
Happiness will knock on the Virgos' house,
The dog will come rushing with good news.
Many wonderful hours await
In the year of the Dog of wise Libra.
It is better for Scorpios to hide their sting,
So as not to annoy Fortune.
And it’s time for Sagittarius to forget
About despondency and everyday life.
Note to Capricorns:
Don't swear incessantly.
Aquarius should act more boldly
Grab your lucky chance faster.
But Pisces will have to
Live a year without sorrows and grievances.
The ringleader and the provocateur. This is exactly the one scary man, who takes half the office to the bar on Fridays, and then the frightened wives and husbands of his colleagues catch the latter in parks, other people's apartments or the next bars. What about Aries? But nothing - his job was to start and quit, and if they got so wound up, that’s their problem)
“Where have you taken us, Hero Susanin? “Leave me alone guys, this is my first time here...” - a situation typical for Aries, especially during travel, vacations and vacations. Moreover, Aries often leaves it to others to get out of the situation, claiming to be sick/tired/suddenly dull, etc.
Aries, by the way, are one of those who consider the argument “I was drunk” to be quite weighty and understandable for the majority “ normal people”, and what’s interesting is that he is often excused for this, although then they think for a long time - what happened?
It's simple - childlike spontaneity. For this, you will forgive Aries everything - and the fact that he brought you to the wrong place or at the wrong time, disappeared, got drunk, brought you strangers or even forgot you at the station at the beginning of the journey)
But then, having extricated yourself from all these stories, you will remember the antics of Aries with pleasure, especially when twenty years have passed and you are sitting at warm stove in complete safety. After all, you will always have something to remember if you have ever vacationed in the company of an Aries. And it doesn’t matter whether he was there or not)
Taurus
Well, for starters, you can’t just rest. Before that, you must definitely work your ass off, present your labor achievements in a detailed form to yourself, colleagues, relatives, the Lord God and in general everyone who comes across), so that the whole world knows - Taurus has earned his rest and has the right to it!
But here the question of preparing for the holiday arises. And even if it’s just a day off, you need to think through the menu, select the appropriate music/cinema/book, finally change the curtains (and at the same time wash the windows, change the linens, wash everything), lift everyone’s spirits (yourself too), then... If you have time and energy left)
With his ceremony, Taurus can drive everyone who is ready to relax with him into a white heat. “It’s better not to put shoes there, there is a special spoon for this dish, be sure to pass the fruit dish to your neighbor, oh, you crumpled the tablecloth, I’ll fix it now,” etc. In general, if you live with a Taurus, sometimes it’s easier to lock yourself in the bathroom to relax. Then you can behave indecently for your own pleasure)
Taurus begins to plan vacations and celebrations in advance. After all, you need to take everything into account: think through the menu... (in general, you already understood, I think). But if it comes to vacation at all, then I assure you, it will be the best and highest quality vacation in the entire Zodiac! But sometimes it happens like in that joke about two Estonians: “It’s a good New Year holiday, right?” - “Yes, but sexual intercourse is better” - “Yes, but New Year is more often”)
Twins
In general, if you want to go or travel somewhere, then it is better not to enter into an argument with them, but to gently drag them by the hand in the direction you need. All the same, it will not be ideal, but Libra will not want to admit that their life is not ideal, and therefore they will try to pass off the real as ideal and honestly be happy about it)
Scorpion
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Horoscopes drawn up in a playful way will help diversify family holidays and corporate events. With this kind of entertainment you can give good mood to everyone present and make a “good forecast” for the coming year.
It so happened that modern man very superstitious. In pursuit of a good life, prosperity, respected position and family happiness, he often relies on the “will of the stars” and magic. And that's not bad at all!
By psychologically setting yourself up for good changes in, it is quite possible to achieve victories in Everyday life! The main thing is to believe and make efforts. A comic horoscope, unlike a regular one, is drawn up in a humorous form.
Such astrological forecast may be in prose or written in verse. Poems, by the way, are more easily and positively perceived by people at an event, at any feast and at any holiday.
Feature of the humorous - gently hint about the shortcomings of a certain zodiac sign and “generously predict” good changes in the coming or coming year. Such “instruction” will definitely make every guest present smile and leave him with pleasant memories.
IMPORTANT: A comic horoscope, as a rule, is compiled on the basis of a real one, created by astrologers. But, it is written in a more understandable language, in simple words and added with wishes.
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aries men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
As they say, Aries is “still a ram.” And there is a share in this undeniable truth! Next year, Aries will be faced with a number of unpredictable situations that could confuse the “curly” ones. Be careful, don’t lean your horns into difficulties and try to overcome them! Being too stubborn is unlikely to help you achieve your desired goals. In the year of the Rat, Aries should relax a little and let the situation go, as they say, “with the flow.” This will allow you not only to relax, but to organize any business in such a way that it ends to your benefit!
For women:
If the Aries man is a “ram”, then the woman is a “baroness”. And this is not just a play on words! In the new year 2020, sheep women will be especially attractive and irresistible. Many of them will gain " woman's happiness", thanks to the tenacity and fury with which they will strive to achieve what they want. In addition, if you are an Aries woman and have any acting skills, the horoscope wants you to pretend to be stupid from time to time for the same good purposes!
In verse:
Aries is a sign of “stubbornness” and arrogance,
Every little thing pisses them off!
To make life “sweet”
Drink without reserve on this holiday!
Aries need a lot of space
So that the house is not crowded,
On the robot, in the garage
And of course in the shower!
Aries celebrates the New Year
With an open soul:
Let the “barn” be full,
There are oats and grass in the bins!
Horoscope wishes for Aries
Be calmer and more gentle
So that the soul is calm,
Life would be more fun!
Happy New Year for Aries
He will definitely come to the house,
A new broom of bad weather
It will sweep it up and carry it away!
Comic New Year's horoscope 2020 for Aries women and men: poems Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Taurus men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Taurus, like stubborn Aries, should“relax and slow down” a little. It is excessive tension and the desire to help everyone, everywhere and always, that destroys restless “bulls” and “chicks”, preventing them from getting the desired maximum from life. In the year of the Rat, Taurus will be especially vulnerable to difficulties and problems arising both on the love and professional fronts. In order for any outcome of the case to be positive and kind, do not hesitate to ask for help from loved ones. At the moment when life “shows Taurus a red rag,” they should not accelerate and run to bright color, but close your eyes tightly and just let “things take their course.” And without you, Taurus, others will figure it out just fine!
For women:
Taurus women need to be in the new year be especially careful with words spoken and emotions expressed. The fact is that the year of the Rat will allow the ladies of this Zodiac to be, so to speak, excited and not very mentally balanced. To avoid problems in relationships and at work, you need to “keep in check” your attacks of jealousy, rage and the desire to help everyone!
In verse:
Calm and peace to Taurus
I wish you a good horoscope,
So that life is easy and beautiful,
The problems “didn’t lead to death.”
More Taurus this year
The horoscope wishes you well,
So that there is a Porsche under the window,
So that there is a lump of dough under the mattress!
To Taurus on this New Year
Love and inspiration will come,
Fate will bring good luck,
Calm, peace!
Taurus is strong and powerful,
And into the new year our horoscope
Wishes only a better life,
May you be incredibly lucky!
In the New Year's horoscope
And Taurus has a prediction:
Those who are single and free,
They will find recognition in love!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Gemini men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Gemini is a special sign. Gathered in this sign put together several best qualities human: curiosity, prudence, wisdom, thirst for knowledge and development. Along with this, in the new year 2020 they should protect themselves from talkativeness, boasting and boringness. The horoscope advises Gemini to read, write, think more, but not speak out loud, otherwise the sign risks losing a number of important people in life. If you can’t talk about a new event, talk to the mirror or write!
For women:
There will be no Gemini for women in 2020 some special emotional outbursts, changes and fateful events. The Year of the Rat promises to be “fun” and full of pleasant little things: a new fur coat, a ring, a meeting with an old friend, who has also gained a lot over the past few years. Just live, as they say, “for yourself” and please your loved ones. Avoid gossip, and “bite your tongue” yourself if you want to retell the news you heard!
In verse:
Gemini, you are nonsense,
Refrain from sin!
Be quieter and wiser
To make life kinder!
The horoscope wishes you
Good-natured Geminis,
Eat a lot, listen more,
Don't talk about trifles!
New Year for Gemini:
Dear ladies and men,
Promises to be good.
Clap your hands loudly!
So that there is a lot of happiness,
Gemini is dear in the year
This one will be without barriers,
No problems, adversities, losses!
May Gemini this year
Having fun and frolicking.
May fate bring them
Lots of joy and happiness!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Cancer men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
For Cancer men, the Year of the Rat promises small, but very pleasant changes in life. Firstly, this is wealth, it will “flow into your hands” slowly but very confidently. Secondly, you risk meeting “your soulmate” in this world, if you haven’t already. “Crawl out of your shell” more often, don’t be afraid to communicate with people, don’t close yourself off from your loved ones, and 2020 will be a very interesting year!
For women:
Cancer women will finally have a chance in 2020 feel needed, important, loved. The main thing is not to lose calm, self-confidence and harmony between soul and body. Speaking about the body, it is worth noting that in the year of the Rat, Cancers will experience incredible emotional uplift and any illness, as well as depression, will not “catch on” and ruin your mood.
In verse:
Cancers, you're in luck!
This year is a happy one for you!
The horoscope wishes you,
To be desired and beautiful!
In this year, Cancers need to know in general:
Wealth is not hidden in chests or money.
Wealth hides in the soul, in family, in friends,
They will help in right time and they won’t let you go to waste!
Cancers will have incredible luck in 2020!
They will find peace, wealth and love.
They will meet happiness along the way many times!
There will be plenty of joy, food and wine!
Cancers can have fun
Sing loudly, joke, dance.
Happiness rushes towards them in the New Year,
To hug everyone!
Happy holiday, Cancer!
The New Year promises you everything:
Lots of happiness and reasons to cry
Only from joy and trifles!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Leo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
Male lions inspire fear by their very appearance and respect for all other zodiac signs. They have the same attitude towards life: they let someone close, they “sharpen their claws” about others. The New Year 2020 for Leo will be very successful and lucky. The Year of the Rat will completely obey Leo and bring him many pleasant emotions!
For women:
Women-Lionesses, like men, will have luck in literally everything in 2020: they will rise “ career ladder", will meet worthy man, will gain health and be incredibly attractive. The Year of the Rat will bring “fatal pussies” a lot of profit, both in terms of “prey” and a new fur coat, boots, beads and earrings!
In verse:
2020 will be an easy year
It will be bright and happy!
He will bring health to the lions,
Inspiration and strength!
Leos will be pleasantly surprised
A successful year is coming for them!
In it they will “get drunk with happiness”
“Luck will come to their house.”
Fate promises all Leos and Lionesses
Good luck getting drunk this year
“Catch a star”, have luck,
And all victories without exception!
To lions, as rulers of the world,
The year wishes to be happy!
So that the house is full,
So that there is peace in your soul!
Horoscope wishes for Lionesses
To be real queens
And Leos have great wealth,
May life be simple and “smooth”!
Predictions for Leo Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Virgo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
As you know, Virgo men are real “narcissists”. That is why in 2020, the horoscope predicts many difficulties for them, primarily with the fact that they are not able to “understand and love their neighbor.” The Year of the Rat promises to be not easy, and in order to achieve the desired results, Virgo will have to, as they say, “press on the gas” and make every effort.
For women:
Virgo women will feel like real queens in 2020! Of course, all the grace will not just fall from the sky on them and in order to please yourself with excellent results in the professional or personal sphere, you will need hard work and faith in yourself. Virgos should also begin to limit themselves in everything in 2019-2020: candy, gentlemen, spoken words. This will help you gain respect and recognition from others.
In verse:
Horoscope wishes for Virgos
Big and small victories!
Enter the New Year with confidence,
He will protect you from harm!
Seductive virgin beauties
The New Year will bring only joy!
Let life be the way you like it,
It will turn into sweetness for you!
To the wise and beautiful Virgos
New Year wishes boldly
Be successful in everything
And there was no reason for the troubles!
Virgos - zodiac sign,
New Year wishes you happiness!
So that goodness surrounds,
So that love does not disappear!
Smile wider, Virgos,
You are the happiest in the world!
There is no more beautiful person in this world
And throughout our entire planet!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Libra men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year 2020, Gemini men should devote time not only for self-development, but also for your appearance. Therefore, do not hesitate to get a membership to the gym, spa area or sauna. Being beautiful is not a sin! In addition, try to always be closer to your family, do not hesitate to be boring and intrusive, just show your interest in what is happening.
For women:
In the year of the Rat, women of the Libra sign will “fly in the clouds.” That is why they will often not be on time always and everywhere. In order for your affairs to go well and end with the desired outcome, you should stock up on perseverance and constantly “slap yourself on the cheeks” in order to return to reality. In the New Year, be sure to devote a lot of time to your beauty and health, and take care of your loved ones.
In verse:
Smile, all men,
If there is a Libra nearby.
These women are beautiful
Dream come true!
New Year will give Libra
There are many reasons to be happy.
He will leave it under the Christmas tree
Gifts, kisses and hugs!
Huge adventures for Libra
Will add a new year to life,
So that there are no disappointments,
He will bring you good luck!
The stars have now decided:
In the new fabulous year
Libra will receive strength as a gift,
Warmth, love, family comfort!
Libra has big changes
The likelihood of them is so high
All the best will happen without a doubt
Life will be bright and easy!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Scorpio men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Scorpio men will have to really try keep your thoughts and emotions in harmony with your body. This “poisonous” zodiac sign will be especially vulnerable and excited in 2019-2020. That is why you should refrain from scandals, quarrels and divorces. On the other hand, the year is very successful for making money, and therefore it is best to direct your energy to improving your financial condition.
For women:
Like men, Scorpio women in 2019-2020 They will be real “hysterics”. Ladies should very skillfully hide their real emotions and feelings so as not to spoil their relationships with everyone around them. The year promises many romantic and love encounters, which in turn does not interfere with Scorpio’s existing marriage.
In verse:
Scorpios are good:
Lots of money and soul!
The horoscope tells the sign
Just cry with happiness!
In the year 2020 to all Scorpios,
A lot of changes are coming:
In work, relationships and at home.
Try to avoid problems!
Scorpios urgently need
Lots of exciting changes.
Horoscope wishes friendship
Solve your problems!
For life to be successful,
Scorpios, try your best.
Horoscope wishes: tenderly
Smile at problems!
2020 is knocking on your door,
His time has now come.
Now good things will happen
Happy New Year with Scorpio!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Sagittarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Sagittarius men “risk” being lucky in the new year and happy, they have every chance for this. The main thing is not to lose your luck on the way to happiness. In the professional and personal spheres, everything will be very smooth and quite “even” - without losses and disappointments. Smile more at the world around you and everything will be fine!
For women:
Sagittarius women should definitely“catch luck by the tail”, and then hide it in yourself and not let it go. If ladies make an effort in the year of the Rat, they will definitely gain recognition, find true love and climb the career ladder high, high.
In verse:
“Let Sagittarius live well” -
Astrological forecast advises.
Let them rest body and soul,
Let them not shed hot tears in vain!
Heaven wishes for a Sagittarius man
Be a true champion of the ladies.
Let life not hit you in the face with a glove,
Give way to dreams and deeds!
Let Sagittarius' dreams come true,
Let your wishes come true!
Astrologers wish Sagittarius beauty,
Good luck, joy, love charm!
Sagittarians are the favorites of luck,
Let it be this way and not otherwise!
And the New Year will give into winter
To them happiness and happy love!
The stars predicted joy
A gift for all Sagittarius.
Life will be like sweetness for them,
Every day is cheerful and bright!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Capricorn men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Capricorn men should finally understand what they want in their life: love, family or a big career leap. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to get everything at once, and therefore all your strength should be directed in only one direction. The year is good for searching for yourself, muse and space. However, if you fly too far, you risk losing touch with reality, that is, ruining your relationships with others.
For women:
Capricorn women will become real muses for their men, admirers and admirers. The year promises ladies to be filled with beauty, harmony and purity. Each representative of this zodiac sign “risks” falling in love completely by accident and very deeply. Financially, Capricorns will be very vulnerable and wasteful.
In verse:
In the year 2020 Capricorns
The stars wish to be themselves,
Along your life paths
Walk with a happy destiny!
Lucky all Capricorns
Good comes to their house
Happy New Year,
There will be no trouble!
Luck and prosperity is knocking,
To the homes of all Capricorns in the New Year.
Let a good fairy tale happen
Dreams will not be a sweet dream!
Astrologers wish you harmony,
Find strength and love within yourself.
The year for Capricorns promises to be calm,
And the feelings will excite the blood!
Capricorns are incredibly lucky
The year will be pleasant and happy.
Men's pockets will be full,
Well, the women will turn out to be beautiful!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aquarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
The New Year will be very calm for Aquarius men and measured. Practically, not a single event can disturb the peace of mind of men and prevent them from achieving their desired goals. In the personal life of Aquarius, there is an abundance of romantic meetings, tender feelings and only pleasant changes.
For women:
Women of this zodiac sign are quite frivolous., but at the same time romantic and dreamy. The Year of the Rat promises them abundance love adventures and only positive changes. But, at the same time, you should not “drown in the abyss of your dreams,” so as not to lose touch with reality.
In verse:
Aquarians will feel
Have fun, wait and believe,
What in their life is like in a fairy tale
Happiness will knock on the door!
For Aquarius, New Year is a favorite holiday,
He gives them the warmth of loved ones.
Astrologers promise you only joy,
Luck - it will just walk through your door!
Astrological predictions
They wish Aquarius to be wiser,
Make decisions with a smile in your heart,
May your dreams come true as soon as possible!
Horoscope wishes for Aquarius
A lot of bright, love joys,
So that the love in the soul does not fade away,
And my soul was as light as snow!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Pisces men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Pisces men will “swim calmly” all year round with the flow” and float past problems, failures and disappointments. This year, the strong half of humanity will definitely meet “their fish” and find family happiness. In the year of the Rat, don’t expect any strong “career ups”, but this is far from bad.
For women:
The main thing for Pisces women in the year of the Rat is not to look stupid and do not create too negative an impression of yourself. Be active and cheerful, laugh in the face of failures and problems. In your personal life, the year promises positive changes, for example, a new lover or a marriage proposal!
In verse:
Let Pisces sail to their luck
Happy new colorful year!
Let difficult problems be solved,
And life will not throw Pisces into the frying pan!
Pisces are very silent
Pisces love silence.
Wishes for the New Year to Pisces
Horoscope “to catch your dream”!
So that Pisces have fun and joy,
Astrologers foretell them:
Relax, eat sweets,
The stars foretell love for you!
Video: “Comic Horoscope for 2020 for friends”
There is no need to be modest today - Respond in the hall Aries.
Aries is an energetic sign. Always confident, Aries is capable of a lot. And if after a week-long party you decide to relax, and you are dragged into night club, Aries does it.
Well done and tomboys, Where they sit with us Taurus?
Taurus are constant and decisive. And if someone constantly and decisively asks you; “Do you respect me?”, then this is Taurus.
Where are the brave guys? Faster than everyone else Twins!
Gemini is an eternally youthful sign. They love jokes and fun, they love beauty in everything. They have a very good tongue, etc. if you're having fun, it means Gemini is nearby.
The zodiac has many signs, now I want to see Rakov!
Cancers are the most cautious sign; they are unlikely to take an adventure. Cancers are also the most loyal sign. Cancers are reliability itself.
You will respond in unison, Kings of Beasts, beauties Lions!
Leo is the most creative and generous sign. Is it true. Leos love to be bossy, so if there is a POWERFUL concern nearby, it’s a Leo.
Everyone look to the right, to the left, Where in our hall Virgo?
Virgo is the most meticulous and painstaking sign. She never makes hasty conclusions and would rather measure seven times and pour once. Virgo is practical.
Lift up your noses, show yourself to us, Scales?
Libras are calm and affectionate. And therefore they can easily borrow 1000 euros from you and kindly not return them.
Queue according to all laws Stand up and have a drink Scorpios!
Scorpios are a living intuition, they clearly know where, wherever, in order to... But, being very “alive” by nature, Scorpios can be excellent friends and life partners.
All the signs here are great, lucky everyone - Sagittarius.
Sagittarians are very fond of all kinds of challenges and adventures. Being optimists, they will always find adventures in their second 90s.
Don’t be strict with the presenter... respond, Capricorns!
Capricorns - since childhood, they are very fond of precision and clarity. They are tacticians and strategists, so if someone tactfully gets you drunk, then it is Capricorn.
Let them raise their glasses soon. Without hesitation, Aquarius!
Aquarians are a very friendly sign, but they prefer peace and solitude. Therefore, many Aquarians can calmly and privately indulge in their favorite activity.
And on our holiday let us smile. They give affectionate Fish!
Pisces are dreamers by nature. They sing songs or write poems. Pisces is creativity, and if someone next to you is creatively sleeping with their face in a salad, it could be Pisces.
2. Alcohol horoscope for guests
1. Aries it's high time
Have a glass of wine
You just need to drink wisely:
Not under the holiday table.
2. And to the stubborn Taurus
Getting drunk doesn't suit you
You better decide
Have fun without vodka
3. Twins, understand yourself
Don’t poison your soul with vodka,
Better drink milk
You will live to be a hundred years old!
4. Well, eh Cancer you can have a drink
But just a glass or two,
Just be very careful
Otherwise there is a scandal in the family
5.Lviv we want to warn you
That you shouldn't drink a lot,
Don’t let the temperature enter your body,
Pour some tea into a glass!
6. Virgos, don't drink too much,
Have pity on your stomach
He may not understand you
Do not take lard with vodka!
7. A Libra in harness together
Need to pour more fully
So don't be shy
And drink alcohol to the bottom
8. Scorpion still a child
He can't drink at all
If he drinks vodka,
Everything will be upside down for you!
9. A Sagittarius the advice is:
If you want to be healthy,
You better have a drink
Instead of vodka, lemonade!
10. Capricorns lucky
You can drink to spite everyone,
The evening will instantly last an hour,
All that's left is to have fun!
11. Aquarius good,
They drink vodka from the heart,
Don't give in to vodka
Better stay sober!
12. Pisces everyone needs
A glass full of wine,
Overturn, but not past,
Definitely to the bottom!
