Of course, the difficulties that a student has to overcome reach their apogee during this period. All this is reflected in sketches about students, funny to the point of sarcasm. After all, in order to survive in some situations, you need to approach many problems with humor.
Many funny scenes describe a resourceful studious whose imagination any science fiction writer would envy.
For example, he comes out to answer with a ticket in his hand. The professor wearily nods his head at him - they say, start. “Tent-poor and tent-tight tits,” says the student with his tongue hanging out. The professor’s eyes widen: “What??? Repeat, my friend, the question! What kind of titi are they???” The student says, sticking out his tongue, a clumsy phrase, which in translation will sound like this: “You see, professor, yesterday a dog bit my tongue!” - “This can’t be! How did this happen? “I was eating a sausage sandwich, and she ran past. She wanted to take my food away. Now I have a bitten tongue, and the dog has a bitten ear. And the question is: “Centrifugal and centripetal forces.” The professor nods his head, and the student, using facial expressions and gestures, tries to convey to him the answer to the question.
I’ll explain the structure of the world with my fingers
In general, the described episode can serve as a plot point for many interludes, starting wonderfully funny scenes. KVN about students will be inimitably decorated with a miniature in which the cunning pantomime talks not only about centrifugal and centripetal forces, but also retells the content of “Othello”, explains the structure of the atom, and gives an answer to the question “ Animal world Australia."
Alternatively, you can include a translator drawn from among the students who knows the subject well. An even cooler option would be when the pantomime of a young man who knows nothing is translated to the professor by the same idiot, but confident that he is right.
It’s impossible to imagine this - it had to happen sometime!
Funny skits about students are mainly born from real facts. These are so-called short jokes turned into miniatures. Many funny sketches about students are based on the lack of money of this social layer, but the resilient nature of young people, aimed not at the present, but at the future, helps them “not to worry” about this. For example, situations associated with the saying “an eternally hungry student” may well become the seeds from which scenes for the student’s day, funny and a little sad, grow.
In the student canteen, a guy buys two sausages to take away. The fat saleswoman sarcastically jokes: “Something new... You, Petrov, are not going out, are you having a holiday?” - “Yes, Taisiya, I’m celebrating my anniversary... Yes, 18 more forks, please!” Students looking in through the doors of the dining room, waiting for the hero of the day.
Initiation as a student
The funny skits that are always performed during this first student holiday exaggeratedly ridicule the life of frivolous young people. On the one hand, they don’t seem to care about grades, expulsion from educational institution And life difficulties with which fate confronts them. But on the other hand, now the student has other priorities, “saints” and “gods”. Therefore, funny skits about students at this event are to some extent based on young people’s fear of the dean’s office, strict teachers and exams.
Scene “The Cigarette Butt of Peace”
You can act out a humorous initiation into students, where the speech is given to the “elder”. The young guys sit in a circle, just like the Indians do. Instead of feathers, they have pens and pencils sticking out of their hair. They smoke a “peace stub” that goes around in a circle. For skits about students, funny and full of some sarcasm, to be successful, it is necessary to Special attention on the artists' outfit: the “wise elders” are dressed in tights with outstretched knees and torn T-shirts with funny inscriptions, and the “beginning young” - in suits with ties and white shirts.
Elder's speech to young students
"My friends! To you, who are embarking on the warpath with the omnipotent and cruel queen of science, the one who has already known the hardships of this battle turns his word. Remember the name of the great and omnipotent student god named Anunah!
But know that we have an equally powerful goddess - the patroness of students named Freebie, who also serves as the wife of Anunakh. To her, the kindest and most unpredictable, we turn our fervent prayers and tearful requests for help every night and every day.
Anunakh is helped by his assistant relatives, substitute gods: the brave and cheerful brother Nuifigto, the beautiful sisters Dapotom, Somehow and Not Now, the kindest brothers-in-law, who constantly harm Anunakh, Yasodral, Will take you, Spur will eat. In grief and misfortune, the student will always be consoled by Anunakh's sons-in-law, who are in friendship with him: Nunesdam, Peresdam and Akadem.
The equally omnipotent despot god Decanate is constantly at war with Anunakh. It is with his hard hand that the fates of many of our compatriots are being ruined! And it is he who is trying to overthrow Anunakh and convert the student fraternity to nerdism. But Anunakh and his retinue constantly defeat the machinations of the Deanery, and indifference, together with age-old carelessness, continue to rule the consciousness of the great and indestructible brotherhood!
It is worth remembering that the sinister Dean’s Office is helped by his minions, the demons Nauchruk, Kursovik, Nezachet and others. Among them, the evil despot Neud and his evil wife Onlydva stand out with particular cynicism and cruelty.
All dark forces They hold their Sabbath twice a year, when their power gains enormous power. These covens are called the terrible word Session. During the Sabbath, students are instructed to lead a righteous life, in which there is no place for sleep, festivities, where everyone observes a beer fast and abstains from climbing into the windows of the women's dormitory, and also pray intensely good gods: Anunahu, Freebie, Nuifigto, Shporaest and others.
This is the main thing, my children, that you must know and remember when entering this slippery path full of suffering and torment... Amen!
Quite a few words have been written on the topics “What is KVN” and “The role of KVN in the life of modern youth.” Even more words have been written about each game or festival KVN. KVN players love to write - this is one of their properties.
And we sometimes like to speculate on these topics, but we will do this in another place. And here we want to lay out what remains in the mind of an ordinary viewer after KVN. What ordinary office workers are looking for when a corporate KVN is planned in their office.
Yes, that's all of them: jokes, skits, miniatures, all kinds of remade songs and parodies. All this then turns into KVN competitions: business cards, music and homework.
Popular on the site
funny jokes, which once caused a tsunami of laughter and kilotons of laughing in KVN
They will help if you are preparing for KVN at school. Of course, you should write your own jokes, but if you're pressed for time...
You are unlikely to hear this news from the lips of Zhanna Agalakova, because they are not allowed to say such things.
funny jokes about game number one. Football players give us a reason - we joke.
Signs of a crisis. Very relevant jokes. Read and enjoy a little.
Scenes and miniatures of KVN
Scenes and miniatures are the same jokes, but you can’t just tell them in words. Well, without jokes - you already know - there is nowhere in KVN.
An excellent KVN number worth five points. Take it to your script.
Sketch texts, which are suitable for any KVN competition.
Cases at school, cases outside the school, cases involving schoolchildren and teachers
So that you can then say “You have viewed the thumbnail...”
Ready set material for a small business card. All that remains is to add KVN players there
Reworking songs for KVN
Remaking songs is a favorite pastime of KVN members. From small doodles to grandiose pretentious finales - they have been remade, are being remade, and will be remade in KVN.
Rework famous hit Gennady Asmolov. The song was played on the air of “Voting KiViN-2007”
A remade song by the group "Kino" - we really like it
Reworking the song of the group “Lube” - everyone sinned with remaking this song
A silly parody of the hit from the musical “Notre Dame de Paris”
KVN scenarios
The script in KVN is a soft concept. And not just because it exists on paper. Under the influence of editors, the script sometimes changes beyond recognition.
The text of the greeting from the KVN team “On your own wavelength” - I highly recommend it
A business card is a competition that happens in every KVN. Business card scripts are always needed!
Classic license plate homework with a conference in verse.
A large musical number about minibus taxis in Ryazan. I always came in with a bang.
Here at KVN.
Performance by the KVN student team.
The first one comes out and reads the letter.
1st. To the village for grandfather... My dear grandfather, Konstantin Makarych! Your grandson Vanka Zhukov is writing to you. I’ve been studying at the university for the second year, and for the second year I’ve been praying to you tearfully: take me away! Everything would be fine, no one bothers you, and they give you sleep, but one thing is bad: the session is already twice a year. And then, dear grandfather, just drop everything and run wherever your eyes look: either exams, or tests, or whatever they come up with. I can’t bear to endure all this, I want to come to you warm stove. And yesterday I was beaten: they told me to go to KVN to play, sing and dance! But I’m all like you, dear grandfather, no hearing, no voice, so I refused. And the guys got angry, threatened to beat me, but the rector stood up, looked at me carefully and said that I was very suitable for KVN - funny. That’s what I wrote on my student ID: “Passed.”
The melody of the song “Border” sounds. Behind the scenes there is a cry: “Get in line! March to the stage!” The band members come out onto the stage like a train: some with a guitar, some with an accordion, some with suitcases and bags.
All (singing to the tune of the song “Border”). They took me, guys, right without the military registration and enlistment office,
They took it to KVN and gave it to me as a joke!
I'm sorry, grandpa, but I won't come to you,
After all, I have to play just like everyone else!
There is no limit for you here,
We have a place to fight!
Let's play in KVN
We are not for medals!
We will not play in KVN for medals -
So that the audience in the hall does not get tired of clapping.
The girl will come and cry from laughter,
He will say: “Cool, honey!”
It’s good that KVN came to our city -
Instead of cigarettes and beer instead.
We will play, KVN will begin,
Sing and dance, light up the hall.
Just like everyone else, rock KVN.
Just like everyone else!
Let's play in KVN,
It will be more fun.
There are no limits for you here!
Here are the students' faces!
2nd. The KVN team welcomes you... (name of the institute).
1st. Guys, we are students! And KVN started just like the military! (Sings.) The locomotive will rush straight to the border!
3rd. You don’t understand anything, it’s just a greeting. We must tell the jury and the audience about ourselves, about our university.
1st. And what did we tell with this song?
2nd. Well, at least the fact that our university has a military department and upon graduation we become reserve officers.
3rd. By the way, guys, do you know that there is no club for cheerful and resourceful people in the army?
1st. Why?
4th. Because the cheerful ones sit on the lips, and the resourceful ones stay at home.
2nd. By the way, being resourceful is great. Resourcefulness is always needed, especially for us students.
Musical beat.
All (they sing to the tune of the song “It’s cool you got on TV”). In a provincial town
Once upon a time we lived with you.
We left to study
Leaving home.
In our beloved town
Suddenly they opened a branch.
"Super! - we said together. -
You got it, and I got it!”
Cool we got you
To this university
And I am proud of my university!
Make your choice, don’t be shy,
Be brave!
There is no more beautiful university, believe me!
1st. Now your years are growing,
Here you are at 17.
Where should you study then?
What to do?
2nd. I want to be an economist.
3rd. And I am a great programmer.
4th. My dream is to be an engineer.
1st. I am in charge of affairs.
Together. All these specialties
Available at our university.
2nd. To our city from distant countries
Everyone is in a hurry to visit us at the university!
Chukchi, Negro and New Russian come out.
Chukchi(sings to the tune of the song “I’ll take you to the tundra”). I rode on reindeer for a long time
And I came here.
I want to study at university
We will be one family.
So that there are fewer jokes
They wrote about me
I will learn all the sciences,
Even though I am a Chukchi, friends!
Chorus. We will pass, we will rush through the outskirts and the center,
And I, however, will live the student life.
I'll go to the disco, attend concerts,
I’ll take the young city woman to my place in the tundra!
Black person(sings to the tune of the song “Chocolate Bunny”). I was a chocolate hare
But I wanted to study
And from Africa to your city
I just took it and flew.
I told you: "Happy New Year!"
"Go to hell!" - I said.
Your director laughed
And he took me on as a student.
And now I'm at the institute -
That's how great I am!
I will study well
I am an example and a model.
Of course there will be lectures
Visit very strictly
And then at recess
I will sing and dance.
I'll be a student here
Cool intellectual
One hundred percent beautiful! Ooo!
Ah, dear Africa,
I miss you,
But I feel good here! Ooo!
New Russian (sings to the tune of the song “If I were a Sultan”). "If I were a Sultan" -
I once sang.
I became a new Russian -
Cooler than the Sultan!
I have a villa
I have two companies
But I decided it was time
Learn for me.
To your university specifically, keep in mind,
I will come to study various sciences.
1st. Students are different.
2nd. So now you can’t go anywhere without education! And not only young people understand this, but also our grandmothers.
New Russian grandmothers are coming out.
Flower (shouting). But who wants hot pies with apples and cabbage?
Matryona. Why, Flower, have you gone into trade or something?
Flower. Where to go? We bought a computer for our grandson - how much money it costs! I gave away all my savings. But now everything is there: a sprinter, a motor, that is, a monitor, and a mouse.
Matryona (jumps). How's the mouse? Oh, fathers, did you bring it with you?
Flower. White mouse from the computer, darkness! I have no time to talk to you, I have to feed my grandson. I ran away in the morning and didn’t have breakfast.
Matryona (sarcastically). So what does our two-meter baby eat? What's his menu for today?
Flower. Yes, as usual, nothing special. A saucepan of cabbage soup, about seven cutlets, a bowl of salad, pancakes, three liters of compote, twelve kilograms of watermelon.
Matryona. With such an appetite, you can only learn culinary skills and try everything cooked. Why did you choose this institute?
Flower. He chose his granddaughters himself, and how he chose is a separate story.
The 5th comes out and sings to the tune “How My Mother Wanted Me.”
5th. How my mother wanted me
To teach giving in vocational schools.
But I'm afraid, brothers,
Go to vocational school.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
How my mother wanted me
Send to the polytechnic,
So that later I like
I was at the machine plant.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
How my mother wanted me
Send it to medical school.
I'm still from school,
Oh, I'm afraid of injections.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
How my mother wanted me
Give it to an agricultural technical school,
So that I'm the first
A guy in the village.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
My mother was tormented with me,
We have lost peace.
Okay, there is a university!
I'll be a great engineer!
Oh, give me away mother!
3rd. And we continue our speech and now we’ll talk about what worries our youth.
4th. Like what? Our studies, profession, our future.
Verka Serduchka and Glucose appear on stage.
Serduchka (points finger towards student). And this is your choice, daughter? Nightmare! Oh, these modern youth, and especially your youth fashion!
(Sings to the tune of the song “I wanted a groom.”) I've told you this many times:
What do you wear to the disco?
It's just an attack!
Well, what kind of jeans, what kind of T-shirt,
What a stupid idea!
Nice guy from you
I swear he will run away!
He will run away, he will run away. You're just a fool!
Glucose. You are behind fashion, mom,
For almost a thousand years!
And I'm so stylish -
One for the entire faculty.
And I'm dressed very cool,
Don't talk nonsense!
And I’m a great guy,
Of course I will find it.
I'll find it - doo-doo, I already know it!
Together. I wanted a groom!
Glucose. So I got dressed up
La-la-la-la-la!
Together. I wanted a groom!
Serduchka. So I was stunned
La-la-la-la-la!
1st. Complete misunderstanding!
2nd. Eternal problem fathers and children!
3rd(corrects). Daughters and mothers!
4th. What's the difference! Parents just forget that they were children too. We ran through puddles, got bad marks, disappeared at dances and, of course, played...
All. In KVN!
5th. Come on, Aunt Vera!
Serduchka (sings to the tune of the song “Over the Four Seas”). I remember I played KVN!
And many years have passed since then.
Now play too, student!
I believe everything will be fine with us.
Two days until the scholarship - I'm hungry!
The day before the scholarship - I'm hungry!
Scholarship day - I don’t remember anything!
The day after the scholarship - I don’t remember anything!
Two days after the scholarship - I’m hungry...
Exam. A professor and an assistant are sitting in the classroom. A student enters.
“Pull,” says the professor, pointing to the tickets laid out on the table.
The student silently takes the ticket, reads to himself, puts the ticket back, takes
the next one, also silently reads it, puts it in place, takes the next one...
The professor and assistant look puzzled. Here the student takes the last one
The ticket, without saying a word, puts it back and leaves the audience.
- Deuce! - exclaims the professor.
“Wait, professor,” says the assistant, “he was looking for something.”
That means he knew something! Let's give him a C.
Bulletin board:
A family of five students will rent a room. Or a bed. Or a corner in a bed
“There’s a pair for each creature,” the teacher said as he graded them.
The first commandment of a student:
“During lectures in the classroom, do not forget to have a textbook in front of you at all times, so that the noise from hitting your forehead on the desk does not wake up your neighbor who is soundly sleeping next to you and does not attract the lecturer’s undue attention. This will allow the venerable professor to finish his brilliant monologue, and will also save you from the need to contact a facial surgeon or dentist.”
The inscription on the desk in the lecture hall:
"Time was brutally wasted here..."
Session. A joyful student runs out of the audience.
Crowd: - Passed?
Student: - Passed!
Next a tired teacher looks out and mutters under his breath:
Well, let’s say it wasn’t she who passed, but I gave up...
Students in the dormitory lie on their beds. One:
-I'm hungry... Let's get a pig! We'll have sausage, pork...
Second:
-No...There's too much dirt!
Third (looking around the mess in the room):
-Nothing! He'll get used to it!
Two students talking:
- If the dean does not take back his words, I will leave the institute.
- I wonder what he told you?
- He said: “Get out of the institute!”
Teacher to student:
- Were you in the army?
Student:
- No, what?
Teacher:
- Yes, so... I can arrange it.
The professor, tired of trying to get the student to get a C, says:
-Okay... Tell me, on what subject were the lectures given?
The student is silent.
-So... Tell me, at least, who gave the lectures?
The student is silent.
-Guiding question: you or me?
One guy tells a friend:
-Katka gave birth yesterday. The whole hostel came up with a name. Tomorrow we'll come up with a middle name.
On the exam.
Professor:
- You three, stop passing notes to each other!
Student:
- These are not notes, we are playing preference.
- Well, then excuse me!
A student takes an exam.
- You know?
- I know.
- What do you know?
- I know the subject.
- Which subject?
- Which I rent.
- Which one are you renting?
- Well, you're the one nitpicking!
A student comes to the doctor and complains.
- I haven’t gone to the toilet for four days, I’m probably constipated, help me, doctor.
The doctor examined him, took his wallet out of his pocket and, handing the money to the student, said:
- Go and eat.
A student takes a history exam. Well, of course he doesn’t know anything. Teacher:
- Well, at least tell us the beginning of the 2nd World War.
Enrollee:
- There is fire, smoke and TANKS, TANKS, TANKS all around!
A student walks through the dorm, feels and smells meat, enters the room and sees: two students are sitting and eating meat from a large cauldron, they invited him to join in order to keep up the conversation, he says:
- You know, I don’t like our dean!
- Well, if you don’t like it, don’t eat it!)))
