A tragedy has happened in your family - a person has died. What to do?
Christianity really doesn’t like the word “death.” He exudes grave cold and hopelessness. We use other expressions, for example - dormition.
Dormition - sleep, falling asleep. The body has fallen asleep in the sleep of death, but the soul is alive, the soul is awake...
Or another word – repose. We pray for the newly deceased servant of God. He was with us - he was transferred to another world.
For Christians, death is only a transition to another level of existence, a departure to God. And a funeral for Christians is not a terrible farewell to a person who was and is now gone, but a farewell to another world for a loved one whose soul is immortal.
And we must escort a person beyond the boundaries of the earthly world with dignity. A fitting send-off is a church burial.
It is performed only on a baptized Orthodox person.
Come to any temple and ask the women selling candles or the priest. There they will tell you how to organize a funeral service and how to order a memorial. All this is a thoughtful and, so to speak, proven procedure, so that you will be treated with attention and delicacy and will not be tormented by bureaucratic nagging (as is often the case in government agencies).
We usually have a funeral service in the church on the day of the funeral. Then the deceased is taken to the cemetery, and his name remains written down in the church for church commemoration. They pray for him.
What types of prayers for the deceased are there?
A lot of them. For example, a memorial service is a small service during which we ask God to forgive the sins of the deceased and accept him into the Kingdom of Heaven. (It is memorial services that are served in cemeteries, when we invite the priest to visit the grave.)
The highest form of remembrance is during the Liturgy. Then the people commemorated become participants in Communion and unite with Christ. During any Liturgy, the living who are in the church (for example, you and I) receive communion, and all those for whom they pray, even if the person has died, receive communion in spirit.
In candle stalls where notes are accepted, they usually write: “For mass” or “For proskomedia.” This is precisely what remembrance during the Liturgy means.
What is magpie?
And this is the commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy, which will be performed for 40 days. (Let me clarify: many people think that the magpie commemoration is ordered only for the deceased. This is not so: on the magpie they also serve for health.)
In addition, you can order a memorial for six months, a year and even... eternal. Eternal remembrance is the remembrance of a person, which will be performed in this temple as long as the temple stands. (After the revolution, when churches and monasteries were closed and books were confiscated from them, memorial lists from pre-Mongol times were found.)
Excuse me, but what if the person was not baptized?..
We can only pray for an unbaptized person ourselves - at home or in church. In notes submitted for commemoration, we do not write the names of the unbaptized. This does not mean that such a person is cursed, as one sometimes hears from ignorant people. (I myself have unbaptized relatives, whom I remember with warmth and love.) It’s just that the Church prays during divine services only for its members, people who want to be Christians, or those for whom their parents made this decision (if the person was baptized in infancy) !
What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after death mean?
I won’t go into detail about this, but these are special days for the soul separated from the body. On these days, as well as on the anniversary of death (it’s like a new birthday, that is, birth on new life) you need to come to the temple and pray for the deceased.
How long to mourn?
A few days ago a woman came to my temple and asked for blessings to get married. At the same time, she added: “I am a widow.” I asked when she buried her husband. “It’s been almost six months now...”
This is the same example when we do something wrong... Up to a year we pray for the deceased as if he were newly deceased, during which time we can mourn. Although there are such losses that even after many years it is difficult to come to terms with the loss...
In conclusion, I would like to recall the words of St. Theophan the Recluse, our Russian ascetic of the 19th century. He once said: “Let’s cry for the deceased... But cry in a Christian way!” This means that our tears should not contain hopelessness and despair. This separation is not forever, but only for a while. In due time we will all meet beyond the threshold of this life.”
Moreover! The person who “left” us can participate in our lives, he hears our requests, he loves us. When we pray for the deceased, by doing so we establish a connection with him, as if we extend a hand of support to him.
And lastly: We will all stand before God. And we will give Him an answer in how we lived. Before it’s too late, while we can still fix something (when we die, nothing will be fixed), repent, change for the better, let’s take advantage of this opportunity.
The funeral ceremony takes place, the obligatory days of remembrance end, and those close to the deceased begin to ask questions:
- Mourning. How long does mourning for a deceased last?
- Is it appropriate to appear in light-colored clothing in public?
- Can I attend various events?
- How long does mourning last?
- After what time can a widow remarry or a widowed spouse remarry?
We live in a society and therefore external observance of traditions is very important. Below are different opinions on this matter. Which point of view to adhere to is up to you.
How long does mourning last?
IN different cultures a different time period is determined for expressing one’s grief. Also interesting are the instructions on how to wear mourning.
Ancient Greece
IN ancient Greece the widow was obliged to wear black clothes all her life. Only if she remarried could she change her attire to something else. The men wore black bands on their sleeves and did not shave for 40 days.
Ancient Rome
IN Ancient Rome mourning for children was established in accordance with the number of years they had lived. If the child was 7 years old at the time of death, then the parents mourned for 7 months. Maximum term was considered 10 months. After this, the widow could already get married, and close relatives took off their black clothes.
Medieval France
In Medieval France, the dowager queen was not supposed to leave the rooms where she heard the sad news for a year. Noble ladies were also required to remain in an empty marital bed for the first 6 weeks as a sign of expressing their sadness. If a sister was grieving for her brother, then she spent only the first 9 days in bed, and the rest of the time, up to 6 weeks, she just sat on a black cloth. Etiquette for men was not so strict. All they had to do was tie a black bandage on their arm and wear it for six months.
Ancient China and Korea
In China and Korea, the period of mourning for a loved one reached 3 years. During this time, it was possible to wear clothes made of unbleached canvas, and at breakfast an additional device was placed for the deceased.
Japan
In Japan, the first 49 days after death are considered the most important. Relatives earnestly pray that the soul of the deceased will find peace and be reborn in the Pure Land. Also in the Country Rising Sun It is customary to mourn the death of an emperor or members of his family. Nationwide mourning lasts for a year.
How much mourning is worn depending on religious affiliation
The most stringent is considered Jewish mourning. It is divided into 4 periods:
- Onen - from death to burial. The actions of relatives are aimed exclusively at organizing proper farewells to another world.
- Shiva - first week after death. A number of prohibitions are imposed on household members: cutting nails, leaving the house, studying Torah, working, washing, wearing clean clothes or leather shoes.
- Shloshim – from the 8th to the 30th day. It is already allowed to leave the house, apply makeup to women, and cut beards and mustaches for men.
- The fourth period It is customary to observe only for deceased parents. It lasts until the anniversary of death.
Buddhist traditions order to mourn for parents and close relatives for 100 days. If the relative is distant, they grieve for the deceased for 49 days. At this time they put on dresses gray various shades.
In Islamic countries The behavior of women in the first time after the death of a spouse is strictly regulated. They are not allowed to wear jewelry, do their hair, dye their hair, use scented care products, or sleep outside the home. Acceptable colors for clothing: white, purple, black and dark green. Mourning for a husband lasts 4 lunar months and 10 days. For other relatives - only 3 days. Men, as a sign of grief, do not remove their headdress during the burial ceremony.
Orthodox priests do not like the words “death”, “dead”. Most often in speech they replace them with “dormition”, “deceased”. The deceased until the 40th day is called “newly deceased.” During this period, those who have left the mortal earth appear before the Lord, and only the prayers of the living can tip the scales when choosing where to go: to Hell or to Paradise. Because in Christianity strict mourning lasts exactly 40 days. It is customary to express one’s sadness over a loss not through lamentation or crying, but through prayers, appeals to God, reflections on the frailty of existence and memories of the pious deeds of the one who has fallen into eternal sleep. After this time, it is allowed to remove the mourning bandage from the head. However, if you feel that grief is still crowded in your heart, then you can continue to wear a black scarf or headscarf until the end of the year. The widow decides for herself when to end her mourning - after 2 years or immediately after the funeral meal.
Mourning for the deceased in our time
In modern times, mourning is determined more by the religious beliefs and traditions of the region.
Observance of religious canons these days is not treated so reverently. If in rural areas If people still adhere to old principles, then city life imposes its own restrictions. For example, the dress code adopted in many offices does not require a black armband. This may turn off customers or potential clients.
If it is impossible to clearly mourn for a deceased relative, you can solve this problem in the following ways:
Refuse external paraphernalia . For the deceased, what is more important is not what others think of you, but what you really think about the person who has left you forever.
Wear a black headscarf or ribbon outside of work . Quite difficult, but possible for motivated people.
Replace color of sorrow . Along with black, white and red also symbolize sadness and grief from irreparable loss. The Karakalpak people wear blue clothes during mourning. A Muslim woman can wear a purple or dark green dress.
You might be interested:
From this article you will learn what mourning is, as well as how personal mourning differs from state mourning.
The meaning of mourning
In the generally accepted understanding, mourning involves wearing dark clothes and prohibiting entertainment for a certain period of time: from several months to a year - for the closest relatives. During this time, widowers, as a rule, do not remarry. However, what is the meaning of this prolonged external grief, and is it necessary to observe strict mourning?
"When the chapters European countries declare state mourning for the death of some prince of Bourbon or Savoy, how come they forget to declare mourning for violent death thousands and thousands of human beings, each of whom is a prince in the sight of God? If European peoples were truly enlightened, they would establish state and popular mourning for any war anywhere globe. In the name of compassion, restaurants, gambling houses and cinemas would be closed, all entertainment would be prohibited while brotherly blood was shed. How the heavens would rejoice if the Slavs were the first to establish such an order!”
Serbia declared three days of mourning in connection with the death of its Patriarch. After the death, mourning was not declared, although the whole country mourned, everyone who could came to say goodbye to the Patriarch. All entertainment television and radio programs look like terrible dissonance and a real insult not only to religious feelings, but also to the simplest human beings.
Is it possible to force someone to share grief by force, the reader will ask. Is it worth showing a person what he may not want to see, is it worth limiting his freedom given by God? Or maybe it’s the other way around, without replacing entertainment shows, are we depriving a person of freedom? After all, it seems that from the stories about the Serbian Patriarch Pavle one could make up a lot interesting programs, which would truly reveal a great man to the world. On the days of the funeral of Patriarch Alexy, the most high rating Among the non-entertainment programs was the broadcast of the funeral service of the Patriarch: the people themselves made their choice.
This is how Saint Nicholas of Serbia writes with sorrow about a feast amid suffering: “Is food and drink, fun and cinema, laughter and jokes pleasant to you, when you mentally reach the Manchu fields and see frozen, bloodied, hungry and brutal people, descendants of the same ancestor, from whom both your people and you and I originated? Every evening you listen to the radio and think that its chatter makes you smarter. The most important thing that radio could communicate in our days is the groans of thousands of wounded and dying, the sobs of mothers, widows and children of two great powers. They are all the same as you, people, living souls, thirsty for life and happiness. And the same sun shines above them as above you. And just like you, the tear-stained eye of God looks at them.”
Year? It's sliiiiiiiight. There are hardly any canonical prohibitions. Put it off for a month, or until Krasnaya Gorka - that works out to about 3.5 months of waiting.
- ^59hopscotch8
- January 12, 2010
- 15:24
complex issue...
- sudorific
- January 12, 2010
- 15:43
Who said that carnal kinship means little? No one has canceled the commandment to honor parents! Of course, for the sake of Christ we must be ready to leave those closest to us, but only for the sake of Christ, and not for ourselves.
The year is formalism, of course. But there are such concepts as parental blessing and obedience. You shouldn’t give them up when building a family. Try to persuade and explain.
- 8_7lowe
- January 12, 2010
- 16:00
Honor is not the same as love. Who should obey, Elena? :)))))) Tricky question...
Let me remind you - the 10 commandments, including parents, are the Old Testament. And the New One is Christ’s: A man’s enemies are his own.
Be healthy.
- sudorific
- January 12, 2010
- 16:49
Not equal. Obedience to parents.
The 10 Commandments is a (more recently) controversial issue. Christ came to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. The ritual decrees of the Old Testament are clearly abolished by the New Testament, but what about the Decalogue? Expanded rather than abolished. The Decalogue moves from stone tablets to tablets of hearts. Otherwise, the Beatitudes are impossible to fulfill (how?!). Christ himself spoke about respecting parents, look for it.
A man's enemies are his own household. I do not argue. But is it always? When they don't fulfill his whim? No way. A person's enemies are domestic when they come between him and God. Parents who give their children away to be tortured. And note that none of the martyrs cursed their tormenting parents; on the contrary, they prayed for them. You also need to love your enemies. This is the New Testament.
- revel
- January 12, 2010
- 16:55
We have no such instructions. Usually mourning lasts up to 40 days.
- 8_7lowe
- January 12, 2010
- 17:03
"Obedience to parents." CUT BY ADMIN
- sudorific
- January 12, 2010
- 17:18
"Ha..." What? Let's speak Russian.
Obedience to parents. More authorities, laws. Also to my spiritual father. More to God. It is not difficult to create your own will.
- 3pickaxe
- January 12, 2010
- 17:30
Thank you all very much for your response!))
Pavel Ivanov
“Let me remind you that the 10 commandments, including parents, are the Old Testament. And the New Testament is Christ’s: A man’s enemies are his own.” Honestly, this is the first time I've heard this. Tell me, where can I read this?
I really want to receive my parents’ blessing, but I still think it’s important. Although I feel it will be difficult to convince...
Particularly strong disagreements often arise with my mother. To the point that you even need to see each other less often during this period and considers planning joint trips somewhere for the weekend to be fornication... It’s hard to endure all this when you live with your parents - it seems that you need to respect and honor them, but when they constantly interfere and demand obedience - I break down. I would have left a long time ago, but my salary doesn’t allow me to rent a separate house yet, and I don’t want to live together either. I really want to start my own family as soon as possible, but at the same time I am afraid that if I fail to harmonize relations with my parents, then all the problems may carry over into my new life with my husband.
- embassy
- January 12, 2010
- 17:37
My friend, her fiancé’s father died, and they have already submitted an application and agreed on the wedding, but they are not postponing the wedding.
- warden46
- January 12, 2010
- 17:39
When my future husband's mother died, we postponed the wedding for a year.
- embassy
- January 12, 2010
- 17:40
No. 11, will you live with your mother?
Are you the only daughter in the family?
- embassy
- January 12, 2010
- 17:42
I read somewhere in some brochure that if a man dies, then mourning lasts 2 years, if a woman, then a year. But my friend Bogoslovsky has finished, and no matter, the wedding is not being postponed.
- 8_7lowe
- January 12, 2010
- 17:49
No. 10 in your post only 3 words are correct: obedience... also to God. They put God on last place... Eh, Christians... Isn’t it difficult to create your own will? :)))))))) Have you tried it? :))) Actually, it’s very, very difficult to do something against the will of demons. Spiritual thinking, sorry, is rather weak.
Gospel. Matthew 10:36
- 3pickaxe
- January 12, 2010
- 18:02
Pavel Ivanov
34 Do not think that I came to bring peace to earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, 35 for I came to divide a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a man’s enemies are his own household.
I still don’t fully understand... how it is that a person’s enemies are his family. This is possible if they are atheists, for example... apparently this must be understood somehow non-literally...
Yes, I'm the only daughter. But I will live in the same house with my husband’s family. (in the same house, but at the same time separately). With my parents this would have been impossible for many reasons.
- 8_7lowe
- January 12, 2010
- 18:09
Miss Smoky, I believe that part of the reason why life as a young family would be impossible with your parents could be generally called “a man’s enemies are his own household.”
Quotes on the topic: “There is no prophet in his own country”, “come out from the people and form your own individual”, “whoever does not deny (list of relatives) for My sake is unworthy of Me.”
In general, understand and remember: if there is no God between you and a person, then there is the devil. If for a moment God ceased to be among you, the devil came. There is no third option, no, and never will be. Remember...
And relatives, whom we are accustomed to trust, from whom we internally do not expect a threat, can be a very dangerous tool of the devil...
- 3pickaxe
- January 12, 2010
- 18:18
But how do you understand who stands between people - God or the devil?
How can relatives become an instrument of the devil if, for example, they are churchgoers? besides, normal parents wish only the best for their child. I would not want someday to become an obstacle to spiritual and personal development for my future children.
and in general, how to grasp this fine line between honoring your parents and at the same time following YOUR own path, and not the one that your relatives want to impose (often out of kindness and love)?..
- 8_7lowe
- January 12, 2010
- 18:26
1. “How do you understand who stands between people - God or the devil?” Not everything needs to be understood, especially in spiritual matters. Let's just say... keep this spiritual plan in mind, and you will see from your own experience what is how and why.
2. “churched people” and you read the psalms of the HOLY King David. That's courage - he openly talks about how bad he is. No joke, he hurt people very badly. By the way, the Pharisees were m... what is now called “churched.” People go to the chalice, but God does not give communion, so that’s churching for you.
3. “besides, normal parents wish only the best for their child.”
Naivety itself:))))))) Both commendable and scary... Parents are driven by the INSTINCT of the family, like animals caring for children. But people are subject to a wider range of phenomena, and if instinct is not covered God's love- it becomes covered with sinful components. Lust for power comes (yeah, you remembered it). And this is no longer love in the Christian understanding.
4. God reveals to whom He wants. Those who love Him.
- sudorific
- January 12, 2010
- 18:41
#16. I remember the quotes. The hierarchy from bottom to top is shown. God comes first, of course. I hoped you would understand.
About the demonic will. There is this joke. Passionate. The priest enters the seminarian’s cell. The one with the candle in the spoon is floating an egg. “Sorry, the devil got me wrong,” the student justifies himself. “No, I wouldn’t have thought of that,” answers a voice from the corner. According to the teachings of the holy fathers, all our desires and thoughts have three origins - from God, from ourselves and from demons. Although there is folk wisdom that where there is no God, there is a demon.
#19. By their fruits you will know them. Where there is division, anger, hatred, it is not God’s. Seek the will of God. Try to resolve everything peacefully. 25 is not the age when you need to “quickly”. Others even create families at 45 and even give birth to children. Only in marriage you need to live not for yourself, not for each other, but only for the sake of your husband and children. This is self-sacrifice. Obedience to your husband. Obedience to parents would be a good school. You could also ask the priest for advice.
- 8_7lowe
- January 12, 2010
- 18:45
Elena, I would believe your excuses, but again you are revealing yourself as an atheist. “Only in marriage you need to live not for yourself, not for each other, but only for the sake of your husband and children.” Why God? We have our own Gods - husbands and children... What kind of people....
- redpoll
- January 12, 2010
- 19:29
My great-grandmother died on the eve of my second cousin’s wedding. They didn't postpone it. They didn't wait 9 days. And on the second day after the wedding, the husband died in a car accident.
- sudorific
- January 12, 2010
- 20:04
No. Our God is ourselves, our own self. Living for the sake of your husband and children means serving God with them. Getting married, knowing that the husband will be against God, and raising children so that they stand on our path to God - we don’t even need to start. Of course, if you have to choose between your family and God... But if you want to live only for God, there is monasticism.
Interpretation of the bl. Theophylact:
“Do not think that I came to bring peace to the earth, I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, for I came to divide a man from his Father, and a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. And a man’s enemies are his own household.” Agreement is not always good: there are times when division is good. The sword means the word of faith, which cuts us off from the mood of our family and relatives if they interfere with us in the matter of piety. The Lord does not say here that we should move away or be separated from them without a special reason - we should move away only if they do not agree with us, but rather hinder us in faith.
“Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” You see that it is only necessary to hate parents and children if they want to be loved more than Christ. But what am I saying about the father and children? Hear more:
“And whoever does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.”
Who, says, will not refuse real life and will not give himself up to a shameful death (for this meant the cross among the ancients), he is not worthy of Me. But since many are crucified as robbers and thieves, he added: “and follows Me,” that is, lives in accordance with My laws!
- sudorific
- January 12, 2010
- 20:05
Modern interpretation (priest Anatoly Garmaev)
- “A man’s enemies are his household.” What do these words mean and how do they connect with the commandment of love for one's neighbor? Teach me how to combine it?
In what sense are domestic enemies to a believer? For example, we believed, almost joined the church, began to acquire the image and character of a church person... First of all, this is the assimilation of the rules of the Church, and therefore external piety, going to services, fasting, morning and evening prayers at home, Christian clothing... And suddenly it was revealed to us that our family was not like that at all, they had not changed at all. They, it turns out, captivate us very much with their former manners, character of life, words, beliefs, and their great sorrow for us. How many mothers today grieve over their churched adult children! Moreover, mothers sincerely grieve. It is simply impossible not to hear this maternal pain. If you are normal person, then you will hear this maternal pain. If you are a proud Christian, then what are your mother's tears to you...
On Wednesday, my mother quietly, carefully places a piece of meat on me, pounded into a bean-like state. And suddenly... I discover this... So much righteous anger, so much indignation:
How dare you, mother, do that?!! After all, today is a fast day!
This is an abnormal Christian... This is completely out of the ordinary outstanding man; he needs to be dipped into the pool three times for him to become normal.
But a normal feeling will hear the mother’s care in this. How can she, who has not yet believed, hear the meanings by which I now live? How much love, how much Christian humility one must have in oneself in order to understand that she lives by her own, albeit material, but maternal meanings, that she lives by the simplicity and unpretentiousness of her sincere, aching maternal heart, her care, she sincerely cares, she has cried so many tears because her child had not eaten meat or dairy for forty days. It is impossible not to hear this maternal participation. A true Christian, hearing this care for himself, will understand with his love and correctly respond to such maternal misunderstanding.
But there may be more difficult situation. Life becomes especially complicated when family suddenly categorically declare: “Here it is: either-or. Either the church - or us.” That’s when... “If it’s church, then get out of the house”... There are such cases. In this case, family members unwittingly, and perhaps even willingly, become enemies. And sometimes they become categorical enemies.
But, in spite of everything, you need to remember - if you are a Christian, you must treat them not according to their external behavior, but according to the commandment of God: “Honor your father, honor your parents.” And the second commandment: “Love your enemy.” So, have the sensitivity to understand their motives, their movements of the soul, figure it out, think: where, for what reason, is there such indignation, such opposition to your churching? Aren't you the reason for this? Maybe it's not your churchliness, but your character? Then find yourself, be filled with that wisdom of God, with which you could somehow pacify, calm and properly treat your family.
- relict6524
- January 12, 2010
- 20:20
By the way, there is mourning etiquette on the Internet... there, depending on the relative, specific dates for mourning are given. But at least six months that's for sure...
- relict6524
- January 12, 2010
- 20:22
"Mourning for father and mother lasts a year. For grandparents - six months; and for uncle and aunt - three months."
- embassy
- January 12, 2010
- 20:36
Pink Haze, will you have a separate kitchen or a shared one with your parents?
- relict6524
- January 12, 2010
- 20:39
"The period of mourning different nations different. They depend on the degree of closeness to the deceased. The deepest and longest mourning falls on the widow. It is customary that a widow mourns throughout the year, does not wear jewelry, and does not visit places of entertainment. A widow can get married no earlier than one year later. A widower mourns for half the year. After six months he can get married, and no one can judge him."
- revel
- January 12, 2010
- 20:53
Where does this information come from? Just don’t say it’s from the Internet.) Different nations have different etiquette!
- relict6524
- January 12, 2010
- 20:56
- canticle
- January 12, 2010
- 21:11
Sorry, in connection it is written separately. Fix please.
- gigging
- January 13, 2010
- 01:10
Pink Haze, I read your messages. Very a difficult situation. But perhaps (sorry if I'm wrong) your parents are against it in principle young man? It can not be so? I just can't understand why this is so artificial. Death is natural. Of course, this is very difficult, but if you, nevertheless, are not against the wedding, then why postpone? Honestly, I don’t think that your grandmother would be against your wedding (maybe it sounds strange). It seems to me that the death of one person should not mean the end of life for others. You continue to love your grandmother, your grandmother continues to love you, and, I am sure, wishes you happiness. It’s another matter if, after the death of your grandmother, you no longer wanted to get married, but then, I think, you would not have asked this question. For any girl, getting married is very important. And if, indeed, you are sure that the young man is worthwhile, and if he calls you to marry, I think you need to go out, because fate only gives you one chance. But just understand everything well. Because parents really always want the best for their children. And if they still don’t want a wedding, think carefully about why. Try to talk with them, find out their opinion about your fiance. I think everything will be resolved successfully! All the best to you! :))
- fiji
- January 13, 2010
- 02:37
I also think that a year is too long. All this time, is your mother suggesting that you live in fornication or abstain?
Is creating a new family a sin and disrespect for the deceased? No. It’s worth waiting a little, and besides, Lent is coming soon, and after it, get married and live a full family life.
But I would not connect and analyze the car accident in which my second cousin’s husband died and the death of my great-grandmother.
- 3pickaxe
- January 13, 2010
- 14:54
Sergey români Khromtsov-Lupan thanks for the info) I also just found this site)
Maria Radish Sidorova. the story is of course very creepy... there’s nothing to say
Alena Mereshko. Fortunately, the kitchen will be separate))
Irina Antonova thank you for your support! no, the desire, of course, has not disappeared, but I don’t really want to rejoice in the near future... Moreover, my mother is very worried and will probably not come to terms with the loss soon. We'll probably have to postpone it for six months for sure.
Olga<Новый 2010! Уряяяяя!>Yevtushenko. my mother is a believer and, of course, never supported anything related to fornication. Of course she is for abstinence, and I would like that too. But to be honest, the further you go, the more difficult it becomes.
- gigging
- January 13, 2010
- 17:58
Well, then put it off for six months, it’s not that long. There will be time to prepare well for the wedding :)
- fiji
- January 13, 2010
- 18:04
Pink Haze! If your mother insists on annual mourning, then it’s more likely that the point is not in observing mourning for the deceased, but in the fact that she is against your marriage with this person in principle. Maybe she doesn’t even realize it herself.
The person has gone to another world, but you are alive. And in general, the tradition of wearing mourning is a reflection of the inner needs of the soul. I think that now, when death is so close, it’s hard for you and your mother, and of course, it’s hard to imagine wedding festivities, it even seems blasphemous. But after some time, the pain will subside, you will come to terms with the departure of your loved one, you will get used to living WITHOUT your grandmother. And then it will be possible to create new family, in which a little baby will appear:), named after her great-grandmother! I think your grandmother would be happy to see you happy with your loved one. Don't put off your wedding for too long, be reasonable.
My husband, a priest, answered this way: “Definitely get married, if mom insists on mourning, then mourn for 40 days.”
I generally agree with the words of Theophan the Recluse:
he especially emphasized that external mourning is unnecessary, and the main thing for a deceased person is our prayer and alms for him:
“Should I cry or something? I think I should be happy for the deceased. Glory to Thee, Lord! He will no longer toil on this boring and miserable earth. Maybe you need to cry for yourself? It’s not worth it... How much is left here? A day or two, and we’ll go there ourselves. I have always had the idea that we should not wear mourning for the dead, but festive attire, and not sing mournful songs, but serve a grateful prayer service..."
- fiji
- January 13, 2010
- 18:07
Archbishop Vikenty of Yekaterinburg and Verkhoturye especially notes that in Russia the tradition of external mourning became especially stronger during the atheistic years, when the church’s attitude towards death was forgotten:
"Death for Orthodox Christian- this is a transition to another life, to eternal life - either to heaven or to hell. And, of course, people to some extent grieve that their loved one has passed away. We even know that Christ the Savior Himself, seeing the death of Lazarus, shed tears. It is our human nature to grieve. But, of course, we must grieve in moderation so as not to fall into despondency and despair: everything is lost, there is no person. It is worth constantly reminding ourselves in this hour of sorrow for us that the soul has left, but the body remains here temporarily, until the general resurrection. But the soul went to God, and if it spent its life in piety, then we should rejoice that it was freed from suffering and torment, the difficulties of this life. It often happens that before death a person suffers and gets sick quite a lot, and sometimes his strength runs out in enduring these illnesses. We rejoice that the Lord gave him the strength to carry the cross to the end, so that he could be worthy of a crown in the Kingdom of God. ... Unfortunately, it also happens differently: that he is not ready yet and we still need to pray for him; then we grieve that he left - we grieve that we still need to help him so that the Lord will forgive him his sins.
We must restrain ourselves so as not to fall into despondency and despair when we no longer know what to do and lose control of ourselves. There is sorrow - this is our nature; but you need to restrain it with the belief that there is eternity and your loved one has gone into eternity, you need to help him, you need to pray. And in prayer for the deceased we receive consolation in this sorrow. This is no longer mourning, but simply serious attitude to future eternity.
You can’t talk about mourning at all - we perform the funeral service for the deceased in white clothes, we put on white clothes to show that the person did not die, but left, and we need to pray for him. This departure is joyful and pleasant for him.
The son did just that. And after 40 days he went and was baptized...
Good afternoon, Maxim!
In the generally accepted understanding, mourning involves wearing dark clothes and prohibiting entertainment for a certain period of time: from several months to a year - for the closest relatives. During this time, widowers, as a rule, do not remarry.
The deepest mourning, which lasts one year, is observed by the widow. She wears mostly black clothes and does not wear any jewelry or jewelry. During this period, she does not visit places of entertainment and has no right to marry. Refusing outfits and marriage soon, the widow shows respect for the feelings of the parents and relatives of her late husband.
A widower mourns for six months. Children mourn for their deceased parents for a year, gradually moving from black clothes to clothes several shades lighter.
Mourning for a grandmother or grandfather is observed for six months, the same period of mourning is established for a deceased sister or brother, and for uncles and aunts - three months.
During mourning, you cannot express your boundless grief to others. The whole point of mourning lies not only in mourning clothes, but also in observing decent state of mind person. At this time, a person is in deep thought about himself, his loved ones and thinks about the meaning of life. Things that are prohibited in mourning include: clothing in bright colors, made of silk fabrics, and any jewelry, whether made of gold or silver. The use of perfume is prohibited.
formal clothing was dark, black or of blue color, in which shades of red were completely excluded. Most often not new. Currently, if there are no suitable clothes or headdress in the wardrobe, they buy a black dress (suit) and a headscarf. Previously, during mourning, they didn’t even try to take special care of their clothes, because, according to folk beliefs, careful care for her was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. During the period of mourning, women should cover their heads with a scarf.
There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to do elegant, voluminous hairstyles, and in some cases, even to braid girls’ hair. In general, in Rus', women, as a rule, had to observe external signs of mourning longer, and men could wear black, dark-colored clothes only on days of remembrance, which was not condemned in public consciousness even villagers.
Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases - up to 40 days, and also up to a year. Until the 40th day, the deceased is called newly deceased. Commemoration of the newly deceased in the first time after death is important and necessary, especially because it makes it easier for the soul of the deceased to make such a difficult transition from temporary to eternal life and helps to go through the so-called ordeals. Special days of commemoration of the newly deceased are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first). The soul that remains after the death of a living earthly organism consists of several parts, which according to modern classification are conventionally called the etheric, astral and mental bodies; these bodies disintegrate on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day.
According to folk tradition, up to 40 days the soul of the deceased is close to his family and home. These days, the closest relatives gather to remember the deceased with prayer over a joint meal.
If the deceased was baptized, you should order a sorokoust - commemoration at 40 liturgies, be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th days from the day of death and serve a memorial service, and pray daily for the repose of the soul.
In memory of the deceased, one should perform good deeds and give alms to everyone who asks. There is also a custom to remember the deceased on every death anniversary, birthday and Angel Day.
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