Being the mistress of a married man is not an easy fate for any single woman. Because despite regular meetings and short-term bursts of happiness, loneliness does not go away. Over time, the realization comes that your loved one will never decide to break up with his wife and will not marry you. Months and years pass, but in reality, strong family With loving husband and a bunch of kids weren’t there and still aren’t. How to break up with married man and give yourself a chance to find a person who will make you happy?
7 reasons to break up with a married man
If you are reading this article, it means that the idea of freeing yourself from the shackles and breaking up with your married man has already matured in your head. And if, despite your intuition, which suggests that this relationship has no future, deep down in your soul you hope for the opposite, then we present to your attention as many as 7 completely rational reasons why it is better for you to leave.
- According to statistics, no more than 5% of married men divorce their wives and go to their mistresses. But, what’s worst, according to the same statistics, more than half of those who left through a short time returning to their old families. There their wives and beloved children are waiting for them, there is an established life and a woman who has long ago learned to tolerate his shortcomings and bad habits. Men don’t really like change, and they don’t really want to start building a relationship from scratch where they can just have a good time.
- Do you agree that your meetings are somewhat reminiscent of an endless candy-bouquet period (at least for him)? Dating with you is a kind of holiday, an opportunity to take a break from family problems and everyday life. You, in turn, all this time do not stop trying to win him, and for these purposes you create the most favorable atmosphere for your loved one - just so that he does not want to leave you. Now, imagine: you are husband and wife. Wouldn't it seem strange to him that, having assumed your legal rights, you, just like his ex-wife, you will begin to demand from him the performance of not very pleasant duties.
What to do: family life is not only a holiday, but also a series of daily worries and troubles. The period of romantic love with a mistress ends the moment she acquires the status of a legal wife. And your lover probably realizes that you will immediately turn from an annoying, understanding lover into a strict, demanding woman. What's the point in changing things for good?
- No matter how much you are passionate about each other, deep down you understand that your lover is deceiving both you and his family. Despite all the assurances eternal love, every evening he goes to his wife and children, where with honest eyes he lies something about work, about late meetings. His wife may guess about her husband’s infidelities and worry deeply about this, or she may not notice anything and indulge in the happy conviction that she has the strongest family in the world. Surely for yourself personally you would not want such “happiness” - to be deceived by your beloved husband.
Yes, and he, in fact, is deceiving you. Because it gives false hope for personal happiness, giving you, like handouts, time stolen from your lawful wife. From which, despite numerous promises, for some reason he is not going to leave.
- After rough sex with you, he goes home. And what do you think will be done there? Of course, he will go to bed with his lawful wife. And if you believe his words that he hasn’t slept with “that frigid fool” for a long time, that he loves only you and doesn’t want anyone else, then you’re just a naive child. Of course, he will convince you that sex with his wife is a thing of the past for him, that you, and only you, are his only sexual partner, but there will not be a penny of truth in these words. Moreover, any man likes the very idea that two women desire him at once, and that he can easily sleep with one or the other. The main thing is not to confuse names in bed, the rest is a matter of technique.
- Every normal man puts a lot of effort and effort into arranging his home and improving his everyday life. A few years after the wedding, he and his wife know each other like crazy. She learned long ago to tolerate his bad habits, knows what he likes for breakfast and what medicine to give him when he has a runny nose. Living with his wife, he slowly acquires property: an apartment, a car, a country house.
And even the soft downy slippers standing in his hallway are dear to him, as part of the home comfort that he himself had a hand in creating. And, believe me, not every man is able to give up all this and start building his life from scratch. Yes, he loves you, appreciates and adores you, but he will prefer to live where everything has already been arranged and adjusted many years ago.
- You will be surprised to learn that many men spend time with their mistresses simply because it helps them maintain their own marriage. Coming home after meeting you, he is especially affectionate with his wife; the feeling of guilt does not allow him to once again make a scandal or reproach his wife for minor shortcomings. As a result, the wife blossoms and showers him with love and gratitude for his tenderness and understanding, and the marriage grows stronger day by day.
But in this situation everyone has forgotten about you and your feelings: what it’s like to be a free psychoanalyst and a miracle remedy for strengthening other people’s family relations? Especially if you love this man and want the opposite: for him to leave his wife and stay with you forever?
- Perhaps, main reason The reason why it is worth breaking up with a married man is the impossibility of meeting a normal guy to create a real family. As long as your heart is busy, you are missing out on a lot of opportunities to meet the one and only one who will not leave you every evening for another woman. In the meantime, you meekly yield your lover to your rightful “rival” - his wife.
Strictly make sure that your loved one does not have your hair or the smell of perfume left on you, you feel sad alone all the holidays and run to the store to buy gifts for his children - after all, you never got your own. If you don’t want to remain lonely for the rest of your life, then stop being a convenient toy for your lover - take life into your own hands and start looking for a worthy partner!
And if, after all these reasons, thoughts like “It’s better than being left without a man”, “I’m with him only for sex, it’s necessary for my health” come into your desperate head, then immediately throw them away. You deserve much more than a temporary home for a not-so-decent man.
How to break up with a married man
What could be simpler? She waved her hand, said “adju” and that’s it! This is entirely possible if you have only been dating a married man for a couple of weeks. But if your relationship lasts so long that he is firmly entrenched in your heart and you cannot imagine existing without him, then saying “goodbye”, oh, how difficult it is! You are frightened by the very thought that you won’t have to wait for his calls, that he won’t come to you after work and you will remain in all alone. However, having realized that you feel bad without him, but also have a hard time with him, since you are constantly overwhelmed by thoughts about his wife, children, and the impossibility of a future together, you should pull yourself together and put an end to the relationship. And we will tell you how to break up with a married man and not break your heart.
Basically, you have only two ways to say goodbye to your lover. One of them is quick, but quite painful for both of you. The second is slow, but can alleviate your suffering. Let's talk about both.
Method one. Fast
Most quick way breaking up with a married man means directly stating your intentions. When people are in euphoria of love, most often the voices of their minds are silent, they are absorbed only in emotions and passion. And in this case, a woman dating a married man is also consumed by the suffering of understanding that she will never be with her loved one. And if you're finally tired of being content with a supporting role, then it's time to end your relationship. Although, to be honest, your statement of separation will only become initial stage rupture.
Do not cry or complain when saying goodbye to your lover, otherwise you will fall for the bait that hundreds and thousands of women have already taken before you. Having heard your complaints and claims, the man will immediately begin to swear to you that he will improve, that everything will change for the better and that everything will be fine with you. And our loving female hearts cannot always cope with emotions, because we so want to believe and prolong our relationship with dear person! Only it’s not the relationship that will last, but the agony, because sooner or later you’ll still have to break up.
It is very difficult to say the terrible word “we are breaking up” to the man you love, but, unfortunately, the hardest part is ahead. Even if he agrees with you and promises to leave you alone, it is possible that he will still look for a reason to meet with you. And if you continue to see each other, then the scenario of future events is very predictable: for some time you will try your best to pretend that everything is over between you, and then you will not be able to stand it and rush into each other’s arms. It’s romantic, of course, but your problem won’t go away: you’ll still be lonely and unhappy most of the time. Therefore, make every attempt to avoid meeting this person - at least until you are confident in your abilities. Block his number on your phone, go visit a friend, put him on "ignore" in all in social networks. Yes, it hurts, but there is no other way.
Give yourself time to cry, then remove from your home all objects that remind you of your ex-lover. Ruthlessly throw away or re-gift his gifts, throw his forgotten scarves, socks, and shaving accessories into the trash. Rearrange the house, replace the bed linen with new ones - in a word, try to get rid of any reminder of this person. Do you think this is cruel? What is much more inhumane is that by making you his mistress, this man deprived you of the chance for a normal life. family life. Which means get him out of your life and immediately!
Tell your loved ones that you were aware of your situation, that you broke up with a married man. Firstly, these people will definitely support you both morally and physically. It’s especially good to cry and listen to advice from a woman who has already gone through a similar experience - she will definitely raise your emotional level and help with practical advice. Secondly, by telling others about this breakup, you will burn bridges for yourself and resist the temptation to meet this person again. And the longer you don’t see him, the easier it will become for you.
It won't be long before your pain will subside. In order to speed up the “recovery” process, engage in vigorous activity: go to the cinema, visit, communicate with new people. Set yourself new goals - for example, learning to drive a car or creating your own website from scratch. Any actions that can distract your brain from thoughts about this man, and your soul from constant worries, will bring you not only relief, but also real benefits. Material, spiritual - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that your self-esteem will rise and the level of knowledge and skills in some new area will increase.
The only warning: do not rush into new ones love relationship, as if in a whirlpool with your head. In order to start building a new relationship, you will need time that you should devote only to yourself. You shouldn’t run away from one man to another, it’s better to pave the way to your own soul. Think, understand yourself and calm down. And as soon as you feel that nothing connects you anymore with ex-lover– feel free to go on a free voyage to find the man of your dreams!
Method two. Slow
Do you know how many people quit smoking? Someone simply throws away a pack of cigarettes, promising themselves to give up the bad habit once and for all. Some of them manage to keep their promise, although the process of withdrawal is quite difficult, while others after a couple of weeks cannot stand it and take up a cigarette again. And there is a category of people who quit smoking gradually, reducing the number of cigarettes day by day. Something similar can be offered to women who want to end a relationship with a married man as painlessly as possible for themselves. Are you afraid that you won't be able to break the connection instantly? Then break up with your lover gradually.
The parallel with smoking is not given by chance: both here and there, a person has a strong emotional and physical attachment that is difficult to break. Only, unlike smoking, a woman dating a married man also experiences a colossal heartache from which there is no escape. Therefore, if you are determined to break the vicious circle into which you have driven yourself, begin to slowly move away from the object of your passion.
Every time you meet your lover, ask yourself the question: “What am I getting from this relationship and why do I need all this?” We, women, are quite suggestible creatures, and if every time we meet you tell yourself about the meaninglessness of your relationship, notice the shortcomings and bad character traits of your loved one, then soon he will cease to be such. Remember the movie “Charming and Attractive”? There, the heroine convinced herself that she was the most beautiful and amazing woman, and this helped her believe in herself. You can quietly whisper something like “I don’t love Vasya, he’s a deceiver and deprives me of happiness.” You may laugh, but it really works. If you tell yourself this often enough, then each subsequent meeting with your lover will begin to bring less and less joy. This means that it will be much easier for you to leave him than at the beginning of the relationship.
Alternatively, you can encourage your lover to think about breaking up with you. Change your behavior, turning from a loving, agreeable woman into a kind of bitch. Demand from him expensive gifts, trips to restaurants, pester him with jealousy, screams and scandals. If you are from a “safe haven” where it is so pleasant to spend time free from family, turn into a source of constant nervous tension, then your passion will not be able to withstand too much communication with you and will begin to move away. And in this case, putting an end to your relationship will become even easier. Now it’s up to you to decide whether to let him leave you on his own, or leave him first. In both cases, the goal will be achieved.
The slow method is good not only because it causes much less pain than a quick and decisive break in the relationship. If you instill in yourself the idea that meeting a married man is a dead end, you will avoid similar problems in the future. This means that you will easily move from the category of “eternal mistresses” to the ranks of “legal wives.” But this is exactly what you dream about, right?
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Letters from afar
“I’m reading your blog and decided to write my story. Still, there’s nothing to do in the evenings, movies have been watched, books have been re-read, girlfriends are with their husbands, children and epidemics, my lover and his family have gone on vacation. Maybe my story will stop some of the girls from committing a rash act , although I understand that everyone fills their own bumps with their own rake. Or maybe I just want to speak out not to my friend’s eyes, but to the silent spaces of the Internet, when you read all this and think that this is not your life, but someone you don’t know. , a stranger who found himself in a similar situation and found a way out of this stupid vicious circle or idiotic love triangle, about which absolutely everything is known to everyone, but it is unclear what to do for each of those who find themselves in it.
I have been the mistress of a married man for 7 years. For 7 years I had no one else. For 7 years, deep in my soul, I hoped that someday he would divorce his wife and propose to me. For 7 years I have been living in some stupid dreams and illusions. I've been single for 7 years. And only recently I realized that it was time for us to leave.
Our relationship has dragged on, and this is a road to nowhere.
In general, a long-term relationship with a married man is almost always a road to nowhere. No matter what illusions we console ourselves with, for him the family is still more important than any mistress, and if he did not leave in the first year of the relationship, during the period of passion, he will never leave the family, and even if he leaves, which happens extremely rarely, it’s all the same will not stop communicating, and this means nerves, stress, tears.
The man whose mistress I have been for 7 years went on vacation with his family. Not with me, but with my wife and children. They are tired, I am not tired. Turkey and Crimea are enough for me. My wife feels bad in Turkey, and Crimea is dirty. The oceanic climate suits her, and if the Mediterranean Sea, then at least the Spanish coast.
Why did I decide to break up? By the way, I am not at all interested in how the man whose mistress I have been for 7 years will react to this.
What did I get during our relationship in material terms? Let me make a reservation: we do not live in Moscow or even in the Moscow region. So, one provincial town of regional significance. He bought me an apartment. Not big, but I bought it. I also bought furniture. Two rings and one fur coat, I also saw the sea twice a year for a week. All.
And I’ve worked all this out a long time ago. Yes, our relationship and the emotions that I gave him are work. I decided so, if you transfer it into payment for received material goods.
Time passes, but nothing changes in my life. Yes, it's my own fault.
It’s my fault that all holidays are complete loneliness, weekends are lonely. Meetings - when it is convenient for him. Having a child is impossible.
I am a supporting woman, a reserve airfield.
This won't happen anymore.
I have a great education, a great job, seniority and experience, savings, pride and self-esteem.
I decided to change my life overnight. I quit my job in a week, the application has already been signed. I rent an apartment, found tenants, changed the locks. I’m leaving for Moscow, there’s already a job there, and there’s also someone to live with for the first time.
How to break up with a married lover? Who knows! I think instantly! I think we should break up right away. Just close the door to the past. Lock it and throw the keys into the waterfall. To reliably and forever.
Only by thoroughly closing one door will life immediately or after a while open another.
Being the mistress of a married man is an unenviable fate for any self-respecting woman. But alas, at any time there are ladies who allow such situations into their lives. If you are in such a relationship, you should think about how to break up with a married man, because apart from problems and the feeling that you were used, this does not promise anything.
Despite periodic stormy meetings and short bursts of happiness, over time comes the understanding that, despite the presence of male biological function in your life, you are always alone.
In addition, you solve all your problems yourself, and celebrate holidays not with your married lover, but with your friends. Years, or even a lifetime, can pass this way. Life spent on satisfying other people's sexual needs. Besides, the “news” is that he will never leave his wife. And if he leaves and even marries a second time, then again it will not be to you. Why is that? Read on.
5 reasons why a man will never leave his wife for his mistress
Ways to break up with a married man
There are two surefire ways to help break up with a married man - fast and slow. The first is more effective, but not all mistresses can decide on it, the second leads to the fact that the man will leave on his own. Let's consider both methods.
Immediately and quickly
The surest and most beneficial way for self-esteem is to tell him directly that you have decided to end this relationship.
When speaking your farewell words, do not cry, do not confess your love, otherwise he will perceive this as another hysteria and an attempt to take him away from the family.
Be careful, because a dishonest lover will start beating his chest and assuring that he loves only you and will definitely get a divorce someday. Don't listen to his words, there is no truth in them. This is a truth that any psychoanalyst will confirm.
Be prepared for the fact that he will pursue you, literally not giving you passage. This is typical behavior for men after breaking up with their mistress. He just doesn’t want to let go of such a tasty morsel. He got used to his free portion of pleasure.
If you give in and trust him again, everything will return to normal. The ideal option is to leave for a while, to a place where he can’t reach you.
But if he took the breakup calmly, you shouldn’t call yourself either. Remember, no matter how strong your experience, it is still better than continuing such a relationship.
Slowly but surely
If you can’t cut it off once and for all, try to part ways gradually. Stop being that same woman as a holiday for him. Start being offended, talking about your problems, and not hiding your irritation and fatigue. Don't try to be nice. And the good news is, you don't have to laugh at his jokes anymore.
Demand gifts and trips to restaurants or any crowded places. Call him at inconvenient times. Copy the behavior of his wife or just typical mistakes all wives.
Be cold in bed, often refer to the fact that you don’t want to do this right now. Appear in front of him without makeup, with dirty hair and in old, washed clothes. underwear. First of all, he will begin to show dissatisfaction, and after a while, he will end this relationship. Because there will be no point in continuing them. And you say love.
Prohibited Method
There is one more the right way break up with a married lover - tell everything to his wife. And then just watch how your loved one turns from a cute bunny into a monster.
Attention, this is a forbidden method, it is impossible to guess how his wife will behave, what she might do in a fit of feelings, including you.
Recovery period
The relationship is broken, but now you feel very bad, here are some tips on how to cope with a breakup with a married man;
- Seek help from a specialist. If you find it difficult to cope on your own, advice from a psychologist and professional support will come in handy.
- Learn to love yourself. Deep and unconditional love to himself will not allow you to suffer and get involved in such romances.
- Take care of yourself. For your personal development, read books, go to theaters, museums, sign up for courses. Do everything that interests you, but has never gotten around to.
- Change your image. New hairstyle and shopping often work wonders.
- Play sports. Physical exercise will relieve most of the stress. In addition, they will improve your health and appearance.
- Spend more time with family and friends. Communication with loved ones is the best therapy.
And finally, the answer to the question asked at the beginning of the article. Even if he gets divorced, it is not a fact that he will marry you. Because men do not trust women who have been in the role of mistress. They seem to be reliable partners for starting a family.
Women who have an all-consuming and bright feeling for a man who has a family cannot be envied. If you initially knew that you were starting a relationship with married man, believe me, this does not do you any honor. Or did the truth reveal itself after a while? Did you find out that your lover has a family when you already realized that you couldn’t live without him? And now you don’t know how to break up with a married man? No, we will not talk about how such relationships usually end, we will not tell you that you acted rudely towards his family. Right now you should gather your thoughts and decide how to break up with a married man forever, so as not to succumb to feelings in the future, and not return to him every time. We will help you find within yourself the strength with which you can not only renounce sinful love, but also forget about what connected you with this person.
You must realize the main thing: a man is painful and painful. Do you want to live with these feelings all your life? Your first step towards healing should be to learn about your loved one's family. Believe me, when you learn about his wife and their relationship, you will probably be able to make sure that in reality everything is not as terrible for them as he portrayed in his sayings about his hysterical and cunning wife. Married men often tell their mistresses similar story about how long it has been since they slept in the same bed with their wives. If there are children in the family of the object you adore, this should serve as an additional reason for the breakup. 
How can he leave his children for the sake of feelings for a stranger? Understand that if a person has already managed to betray someone, then it costs him nothing to betray your love over time. Do you need such a ladies' man?
The one who has already encountered a man’s betrayal understands perfectly well what pain she causes to her lover’s wife. After all, she herself once experienced the same feelings as his wife, who probably understands that it’s not for nothing that her husband stays late in the evenings. If you are familiar with this feeling of deep resentment and pain, just remember what you once had to endure. Do you want to be heartless by making another person suffer because of a cheating spouse?
Do you want to know how to break up with a married man without a scandal? It's very simple: you yourself can force him to take this first step towards breaking your connection. With your behavior you can push him towards the only thing the right decision which concerns your relationship. If you were previously only gentle, understanding and loving with him, then you will transform into a soulless and narcissistic person who is only interested in restaurants and gifts. Throw him tantrums, tell him that he is in Lately looks bad and is dressed tastelessly, create awkward situations for him. After such behavior on your part, the chosen one will definitely return to his family. He will be glad and understand that his wife is not as bad as he thought before.
How to break up with a married man if you cannot portray a capricious person? There is only one piece of advice: don’t tear your heart out, don’t wait for random meetings with him. Try to avoid even telephone conversations with the object of adoration. They say that love needs food, and you must doom it to hunger. The man will understand that you are avoiding meetings and contacts with him, and he himself will make the correct conclusion that the relationship has come to an end. You should not worry about how to break up with a married person without offending him. Did he think about how not to offend his wife?
Over time, a woman who is in a relationship with a married man comes to the conclusion that they should separate, but how to do it correctly? First of all, you need to realize that only she can put an end to the relationship, and only her future happiness depends on her. But already with a free person.
Who needs such a relationship?
First of all, to the man himself. There are many reasons for this - from a banal increase in self-esteem to truly deep feelings. When the passion in a relationship is muted, a woman realizes that the injured party in the relationship with loving man she herself appears: and she has no rights to him, and everything that she has from him is just an illusion of full-fledged life together two people. It is then that the understanding comes that breaking up with a married man would be the best decision.
Why is it so difficult to break up with a married man?
Psychologists have a clear answer to this question - it’s all about mental dependence. The married man you love is a skilled manipulator who plays on the strings of a weak soul. It gives a woman love (it makes us fly on wings), sex (a woman has no other partner), and relieves loneliness (after all, it’s not so easy for everyone to find a man for marriage). It is quite natural that it is difficult for a woman to leave all this “wealth”, especially if the man himself does not want to part with it.
Learn to say “No!” weaknesses
The most important thing is to rid yourself of dependence on the man himself. Psychologists advise starting with the simplest: if any situations arise that a man was involved in solving, do not turn to him for help. Believe me, you will be surprised how simple everything turns out to be, and that a lover is not at all necessary for this.
Life should be in full swing
All the psychologist’s advice on how to break up with a married man boils down to the fact that a woman needs to fill her life interesting events, then the thoughts in your head will stop revolving only around the man. And the soul will open up to new acquaintances.
Look for flaws in him
Since it’s hard to part with the man you love, stop loving him. Look for shortcomings in him, cultivate a negative attitude towards them.
Rid yourself of contact with him
A man, especially a loving one, will let go just like that, they will try to return everything back, they will confess their love, swear by all the saints that “everything will be fine with us.” Rid yourself of such outpourings, otherwise, at an uneven hour, you will succumb to persuasion and thereby rob yourself of the opportunity to meet a new man. So change your phone number. Quit your job if you work together. If you decide to leave, don’t think about how to do it beautifully. Drop everything and run, run with all your might from him for your happiness!
