Have you ever eaten a dish that you forgot to add spices to? After trying it, you probably thought: “That’s not it... there’s clearly something missing here.” Just as cumin adds a unique, piquant taste to Uzbek pilaf, falling in love adds the necessary “spice” to a person’s calmly, measuredly flowing life.
For the first time, “butterflies in the stomach” begin to flutter in adolescence, and it is absolutely impossible to hide it from others, even if you try very hard.
Signs of his falling in love
Increased interest in one's appearance. The guy begins to look in the mirror more often, and in the morning he tries to smooth out his unruly curls with water or gel borrowed from his sister. Now he knows exactly where his hair comb is because he uses it several times a day! There is an urgent need to update your wardrobe or purchase a fashionable men's perfume. A young man in love always takes care of himself, striving to be a model of neatness and style.
Shyness. In HER presence, the guy experiences joyful excitement and awkwardness. He is afraid to say something out of place and become a laughing stock in the eyes of his Juliet, which is why his vocabulary is sometimes unexpectedly reduced to just interjections and short phrases. Young Romeo tries to hide his embarrassment by assuming indifference and equanimity. But the sparkle in the eyes, the uncontrollable blissful smile, the passionate desire to please easily reveal an ardent heart in love.
This is something new! The guy begins to do things that were unusual for him before: chatting on the phone for hours (of course, with HER, and even during the broadcast football match!), listen to romantic ballads, go to the gym regularly, read psychology books on interpersonal relationships, etc.
Signs of her falling in love
Experiments with appearance. A girl in love strives to change something about herself: haircut, hairstyle, hair color, makeup, clothing style, weight...
Coquetry. This quality is inherent in nature itself and begins to actively manifest itself during the period of falling in love. A shy smile, a flirtatious look from under half-lowered eyelashes, a languid voice, a request for help - everything is so sweet and relaxed that HIS heart simply melts from it.
New interests. Just yesterday, football seemed like a completely meaningless game to her, but today she is trying to figure out how a free kick differs from a free kick, and who became the best player in the national championship last season. A girl in love can quickly learn how to embroider or prepare a “Countess” cake in order to surprise HIM with an original gift on February 14th.
Such a sweet feeling!
Of course, there are a lot of signs of falling in love: absent-mindedness, insomnia, jealousy, and the desire to talk only about him (her). The state of falling in love is like a fabulous flight, when the heart skips a beat with happiness, and everyday problems and worries fade into the background. It’s not for nothing that people say: “It’s like you’re in the clouds.” In this state, guys tend to do crazy things, for example: climbing onto the balcony of their beloved early in the morning to leave a bouquet of bluebells there, which in the language of flowers means: “I’m thinking about you.”
There are many beautiful definitions for the word “falling in love”, except for one – eternal. Alas, this feeling is fleeting! According to research by psychologists, on average, falling in love lasts about 2 years, after which euphoria and romantic fervor fade away, and the relationship either moves to a qualitatively different level or ends. From the world of illusions, a person returns to the real world, where the former lightness and carelessness are no longer there, and the shortcomings of a loved one become more clear every day. Only love can cover them.
How is falling in love different from love?
Falling in love is a feeling that can flare up like straw and go out just as quickly. flares up slowly, but its flame cannot be extinguished by any life difficulties. To love means to be able to sacrifice one’s own interests for the good and happiness of another, without demanding anything in return. Falling in love concentrates a person on himself: “He/she will make me happy.” A person in love sometimes resembles a slightly crazy person; the state of euphoria makes it difficult to concentrate on study and work. And love gives peace, confidence, the desire to develop creatively and personally.
Love is a sign of a mature personality, ready to take responsibility for another person. And falling in love is just a hobby, which over time can develop into love, becoming a solid foundation for a strong relationship, or move into the “Memories” section.
The state of falling in love remains a mystery to people trying to understand its essence. And although scientists already know a lot of facts and have made enough discoveries, when they try to completely decompose love into its components, something invisible, but important, disappears in it.
Many scientists have studied falling in love, and psychologists have also made a great contribution to understanding its nature. But neither psychologists nor other specialists have a single view on this state that excites the mind and heart.
What is love? There are many definitions of falling in love, and they all reflect the biological, instinctive, uncontrollable nature of its essence, which, however, inspires and develops moral qualities personality.
Love- this is an acute and strong emotional experience in which passion predominates, caused physiologically by sexual attraction to the object of desire.
Love– a feeling uncontrolled by the will and an altered state of consciousness, stimulating people to creativity (creating works of art, inventing unique technical models, making discoveries) and improving their own personality.
Love– this is the stage of the relationship between a man and a woman, which is popularly called the candy-bouquet period. As a stage in a relationship, falling in love arises soon after or immediately during the meeting of people and certainly ends after some time.
Another interesting definition, revealing the essence of love: love is a psycho-emotional state similar to stress in extreme situation, and its symptoms resemble a mild mental disorder!
The main question that concerns both scientists and all lovers is how long does falling in love last?
The phrase “Love lasts three years” became popular several years ago, since the first studies aimed at studying the chemical reactions in the body of a person in love suggested that it was after three years the increased production of hormones that physiologically cause falling in love begins to gradually decrease. In other words, when does it end? chemical reaction love, love goes away.
In fact, it is not love that is temporary, but falling in love! After all, it’s she, not love, reinforced:
- firstly, a burning sexual desire that causes passion between a man and a woman;
- secondly, by the body’s production of a whole cocktail of:
- sex hormones (estrogen in women, testosterone in men),
- neurotransmitters responsible for the feeling of happiness, delight, euphoria (dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline),
- endorphins (chemical compounds with morphine-like effects, physiological opiates),
- pheromones (volatile signal molecules, translated from ancient Greek as “carrying excitement”).
Today, a lot of other experiments have already been carried out and new, but also different data have been obtained, according to which falling in love lasts from six months to four years.
Falling in love really can't last forever, sooner or later it ends. Why? Simply because a person cannot remain in an “abnormal” state for too long, the instinct of self-preservation is triggered, and at the sight of a loved one, the heart no longer beats so much, the voice does not tremble, the palms do not sweat, the pupils do not dilate so that the iris is not visible, and so on. .
The processes of excitation that predominate in the brain and body sooner or later come into balance with the processes of inhibition, a person stops being pleasantly nervous in the presence of a loved one, relaxes, calms down and gets used to it.
The severity and novelty of emotions are replaced by regularity and stability. The delight of first dates and passionate meetings is replaced by analysis and assessment of the partner as an individual, as a person capable of being a life partner. This is how love goes away, but not love!
What feeling will replace falling in love no longer depends on hormones and instincts, but on the desire of the couple to maintain the relationship. Will love develop into great love or the relationship will fizzle out depends on the two lovers.
If falling in love develops into love, it has every chance of becoming eternal and lasting as long as the man and woman wish!
It is impossible to keep falling in love, since it is impossible, through an effort of will, to continue the increased production of hormones and turn on sexual arousal day and night at will.
And how is love moral and ethical, which means that a feeling that is conditioned socially, and not just biologically, can be preserved, although this will require a lot of effort.
In love, not only passion matters, but also reason and will, as well as moral qualities partners (conscience, honor, loyalty, integrity, ability to empathize, and so on).
Falling in love, figuratively speaking, is a bright flash of fire, it will light up and go out, and love is an evenly burning hearth that will burn as long as firewood is thrown into it.
Falling in love is sudden and strong. No one is immune from it. Just as suddenly as it begins, it can end. But a short time of falling in love is usually enough for a couple to get to know each other and conceive a child. That's exactly what it is target love - continuation of the human race.
The state of falling in love drowns out the voice of reason, brings the partner’s advantages to the forefront, and carefully hides the shortcomings, making sexual attraction uncontrollable and constant. The lover does not want to do anything, eat, drink, sleep, rest, work - nothing works out, thoughts and feelings are only about the object of desire. Until the goal is achieved, that is, until the adored person begins to belong to the lover in soul and body, love does not subside.
In love there is a lot of natural, instinctive, unconscious. This attraction of passion combined with the need to be close to the person you adore. Even the most intelligent and reserved subject, succumbing to passion, can forget about everything.
Despite the fact that in our time it is not difficult to regulate the process of childbirth (the choice of contraceptive methods is quite wide and they are accessible), it is during the period of falling in love that couples who are not even married often have children.
This fact confirms the strength and power of love. Although not every early pregnancy happens by chance, the fact that falling in love “turns off” the mind is undoubtedly.
But there is still a relationship between IQ and readiness to have a child. People more intellectual have smaller More and more people decide to have them, because they always think about the importance and possibility of providing them with everything they need in the future.
If love is unhappy
If falling in love does not develop into love, it becomes unhappy, forbidden, unrequited, tragic.
If all people knew and understood the nature of love Perhaps there would be fewer people unhappy in love?
Perhaps today there would not be such a terrifying number of divorces and children growing up without a father? After all, the main cause of divorce is adultery. A person fell in love and “disappeared,” and when he came to his senses (in other words, when the love, as one would expect, passed), it was too late to correct anything.
You can fall in love again and more than once with a permanent partner, but also, while loving him, you can fall in love with another person. The difference is that in the first case you will have to try, but in the second you won’t have to do anything.
It is difficult, but still possible, to stop, pull yourself together, think about the consequences, hear the voice of conscience: “The new love will pass, but it will no longer be possible to regain the trust of a permanent partner and his love.”
Of course, many wives and husbands forgive infidelity and do not divorce, but their family life it is no longer cloudless.
Sometimes people, suffering from an unfortunate passion, greatly harm their health and psyche. If a person is in love manic, it is very difficult for him to believe and assume that falling in love will pass. But it always passes and is replaced by a new, happy one!
Losing your head from passion, it can be difficult to remember about self-love, but it just needs to be done! You need to save yourself for new, true love!
Falling in love is strong, but a person differs from an animal in that he must be able to restrain his impulses, manage his feelings and redirect them in a different direction.
Best defense mechanism psyche, designated and called sublimation by S. Freud - the rescue from any unsolicited love, passion, forbidden, as well as from unrequited love.
Sublimation is a mental defense mechanism that involves relieving internal tension by redirecting sexual energy to achieve socially and morally acceptable goals. Feelings are mainly sublimated in the process creative work.
That's why so many poets, musicians and artists were inspired by falling in love, even if it was unhappy. That's why people who are more developed 
Personally, intellectually, better educated and creative, it is easier to manage even such a strong emotion as passion.
Falling in love is a sudden, powerful, uncontrollable and involuntary feeling of sympathy for a certain person, limited in duration. In contrast to the more constant and stable feeling of love, falling in love tends to rapidly become saturated and fade away.
Biochemical processes when falling in love are not subject to control. Lovers produce an abundance of dopamine, which causes euphoria, bursts of energy, inspiration and the desire to do stupid things. Excess adrenaline and norepinephrine cause insomnia, increased energy, excitement, anxiety, palpitations and trembling limbs. An increase in the amount of serotonin causes excessive sociability, talkativeness, “love of the whole world,” which suddenly transforms and fills bright colors. High level endorphins and endosipins (biological analogues of tranquilizers) cause, when falling in love, a feeling of calm and security near the object of passion. These biochemical changes usually disappear within 2-6 months.
Falling in love is a vital, vital reaction of a person, which plays an important role in his self-discovery and in finding another - a loved one.
Falling in love - individual characteristics of a person depends on the characteristics of his perception of his partner in intimate communication. At the same time, predominantly external, superficial features and qualities are highlighted in the object of love. Falling in love can turn into a stable feeling of love. At the same time, sometimes the sharpness and novelty of the experience is lost. A loved one is perceived not exclusively and not so much as a sexual partner, but as a nice, reliable friend, in whose personality qualities of mind, moral traits, ability to cooperate and empathy are valued. Long-term intimate relationships based on moral, psychological and psychophysiological compatibility and joint care of children can be combined with falling in love, ardor of feelings and freshness of attraction (they were in love with each other until old age). In some cases, falling in love, the ability to a short time being infatuated with someone can manifest itself against the background of a deep, stable relationship with one’s husband or wife, which temporarily ceases to be recognized (lost one’s head). This can lead to adultery, give rise to jealousy and lead to family breakdown. With sufficient self-discipline and self-control, on the one hand, and patience and tact, on the other, long-term, stable relationship are preserved (love has withstood a serious test). Falling in love can also be seen as a kind of age feature, associated with the dynamics of emotional and sexual development of the individual. At the beginning of puberty, adolescents develop their own imaginative selective attractions to persons of the same and opposite sex, which can be defined as platonic love, colored by a romantic sublime feeling associated with the idealization of the object of love. The first youthful feeling needs a careful, tactful attitude on the part of teachers, parents and other adults. Ridicule, the desire to humiliate the object of love in the eyes of a boy or girl, or the hasty destruction of romantic dreams are unacceptable here. It should be borne in mind that only subsequently, with the completion of the process of puberty, specific sexual emotions awaken, sexual activity manifests itself, and a mature sexual desire is formed, against the background of which genuine love appears.
Falling in love, like a hurricane, bursts into our lives through tightly closed windows, leaving no chance for the former calm and measured existence.
Situations are different, for some, falling in love is like a breath of fresh sea air, Lifebuoy on the endless waters of boredom, dullness and hopelessness. But for some, falling in love becomes a real nightmare, destroying life, previous beliefs and moral principles.
Do you feel like you have completely lost sleep, lost your appetite and can’t do your usual activities normally? All your joys lie only in “his” eyes, a smile or a fleeting phrase? Are you ready to give everything for a few minutes of “his” attention? Even if you are married or in a committed relationship.
Even if he is twice your age or, on the contrary, fit to be a son. The feeling of falling in love in such situations does not lead to anything good, and, often, threatens unpleasant consequences: family destruction, sagging work, deteriorating health, loss of mental balance, and so on. If you feel that something similar happened to you, then it would be useful to find out how you can get rid of strong feeling falling in love.
Infatuation and love. What is the difference?
To begin with, you should understand that falling in love and the feeling of love are two concepts that, although they have similar features, are still fundamentally different from each other. Every person who experiences an all-consuming feeling of falling in love always has the same question in their head: “What if it’s her?”, “If this is true love?”
It is always scary to miss something especially important and valuable in your life; such questions greatly torment those who are already married and find themselves at a crossroads of two roads, not knowing which one is right.
On the one hand - a strong and familiar marriage, family and even, perhaps, children, and on the other - feelings, bright emotions, which were so lacking before and without which life takes on completely gray colors.
No one world scientist never managed to give precise definition these two feelings, but still there is a number general criteria, which allow us to distinguish between infatuation and love. Falling in love is a rich, bright and exciting feeling, which, alas and ah, has a short lifespan and ends as suddenly as it begins.
Love is what often comes after falling in love, but not always, a stronger and more fundamental feeling, less intense and intoxicating, however, providing a solid basis for long-term joint and happy life. The fundamental difference between a person in love and a lover lies in his consciousness: the latter knows and accepts the shortcomings of his half, while a lover does not see the shortcomings at all.
When falling in love is an unnecessary obstacle
Oddly enough, but all those wonderful feelings and the impulses that are attributed to falling in love are not always its faithful companions. During this period of life, all emotions become sharper, and sometimes so much so that they are reflected in all areas of life: a person’s behavior changes, his mental condition and sometimes even health.
Unfortunately, the feeling of inspiring happiness is not always the main companion of falling in love; it is often accompanied by suffering, progressive jealousy, a constant feeling of longing for the object of desire, and in the case of unrequited feelings, a feeling of one’s own inferiority.
At this stage, it is very important to stop, think about whether the fleeting smile of “this or that one” is worth your health and peace of mind, if not, then move on and look for solutions to the current situation.
According to experts, falling in love is a kind of disease, but the causative agent is not a virus, but fleeting impressions of something seen or heard. It can arise from a smile, a single action or look, and it becomes unimportant to the person what the object of desire actually is.
At this moment, the human body produces a certain hormone that participates in the biochemistry of our brain and provokes all those strange sensations. Everyone, without exception, is susceptible to this inexplicable feeling: girls and boys, men and women, regardless of age, status and race, but not everyone knows how to cope with it, which sometimes turns into a real disaster.
How to get rid of being in love?
There may be many reasons why you decided to get rid of an unnecessary feeling, perhaps it is irreciprocity or unequal relationships, yes, whatever, the main thing is to clearly understand how much you need it.
There are also many methods that explain what to do in such situations, but almost all of them are based on the radical eradication of everything connected with the object of desire. This includes deleting shared photographs, correspondence, letters, perhaps gifts and meaningful souvenirs - nothing should remind you of a difficult feeling.
Try not to overlap; if you are employees of the same office, you may have to say goodbye to your job or transfer to another group. It’s curious, but often all attempts to get rid of love end there: the person simply does not find how to fill the void created after diligent getting rid of it, and returns to square one.
In this case, the support of family and loved ones becomes important, as well as a change in your social circle - try to find yourself in a place where you have never looked before. It’s important to fill all that time that you’re used to sighing for your “love” with something new and exciting: let it be sports, yoga or couple dancing, who knows, maybe this is your calling.
A good option is to go on a long trip, if possible, stay in the place where you liked best, make it a point to learn something new every day.
So, you yourself will not notice how your life will be filled with new colors, and the place of old love will be filled with love for the world around you, new hobbies and, perhaps, real and strong feelings, which, this time, will already be appropriate. Open up new horizons!
Depending on the depth of the experience and the degree of vulnerability of the individual, a visit to to a good psychologist. If you don’t find one, then be sure to share your experiences with someone close to you, let it be the one you trust most. Sometimes speaking out and hearing a fresh perspective from the outside is much more effective than throwing away photos or gifts.
Among all the misconceptions regarding love, the most common idea is that love - it is too Love or at least one of its manifestations. The illusion is created because feeling falling in love, as bright as the feeling love. When a person is in love, his feeling is expressed by the words “I love her (him).” But immediately, two problems arise.
Firstly, love –this is specific, sexually oriented, erotic experience. We don't fall in love with our children, although we can love them very much. We don't fall in love with friends of the same sex unless we are homosexually oriented. We only fall in love when sexually motivated, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s realized or not.
Secondly, feeling of falling in love very short term. No matter who we fall in love with, sooner or later this condition goes away if the relationship continues. I don’t want to say that we definitely stop loving the person we fell in love with. But the ecstatic, stormy feeling, actually love, always passes. Honeymoon always ends quickly. In order to understand the nature of the phenomenon falling in love and its inevitable end, it is necessary to understand the nature of what psychologists call ego boundaries.
Where does it all begin?
In the first months of life, a newborn does not distinguish between himself and the rest of the world. When he moves his arms and legs, the whole world moves. When he is hungry, the whole world is hungry. When he sees his mother moving, he perceives it as his own movement. When the mother sings, the child does not know that it is not she who sings. It does not distinguish itself from the crib, room, parents. Animate and inanimate objects are all the same. There is no difference between "I" and "you". There is no difference between me and the world. There are no borders, no partitions. No personality.
But after a short time, the child begins to feel like a certain entity, separate from the rest of the world. When he's hungry, mom doesn't always show up to feed him. When he wants to play, the mother does not necessarily want the same. The child begins to understand that his desires do not control his mother. He becomes convinced that his will and his mother’s behavior are separate. The sense of “self” begins to develop. The interaction between the child and the mother is the soil from which the sense of self as an individual grows. If the relationship between the child and the mother is greatly distorted, for example, when there is no mother or no one to replace her, or when, due to her own mental deviation from the norm, she does not care or is interested in him at all, then this child grows up with a deeply distorted sense of personality. Personality I left and forgot to come back.
When a child learns that his will is his own and not the will of the entire universe, he begins to notice other differences between himself and outside world. When he wants to move, his arms and legs move, but not the crib and the ceiling. It is in this way, during the first year of life, that we learn the most important thing: who we are and who we are not. And, by the end of this first year, we already know: it is my hand, my leg, my head, my tongue, my eyes and even my point of view, my voice, my thoughts, my tummy pain and my feelings. We already know our size and physical boundaries. These boundaries are the boundaries of our ego.
The development of ego boundaries occurs throughout childhood, adolescence and even into adulthood, although the later the boundaries are established, the more mental (rather than physical) they are in nature. For example, between the ages of two and three, a child usually discovers the limits of his power. Although by this time he has already realized that his desire does not necessarily control his mother, he still feels that he can control her and feels that he can subordinate her to his desires. Because of this feeling, a two-year-old child often behaves like a domestic tyrant, trying to boss around parents, siblings, and even pets. And, God forbid, if you do not obey his dictates, anger will fall on the heads of all household members. This age of a child is simply terrible for all parents.
By the age of three, a child usually becomes kinder and it is easier to come to an agreement with him. This happens because the child begins to perceive the reality that he is helpless. That he is not so omnipotent. But still, the possibility of omnipotence remains his sweet dream, and he has no strength to completely abandon it, even after several years of painful experience of his own powerlessness. And, although, by the age of three, the child has already accepted the reality of the limits of his power, for several more years he will escape into the world of fantasy, into the world of supermen, where omnipotence (especially his personal) still exists. But, gradually, towards adolescence, a young man (girl) realizes that he (she) is an individual with his own body and very limited power, a relatively powerless organism that exists only thanks to the cooperation of a group of similar individuals - society. There are no particular differences between individuals, but they are still different from each other due to personal characteristics and boundaries.
Dubbing in adulthood.
Beyond these borders it is lonely and sad. Some people, who are called schizoid in psychiatry, as a result of traumatic childhood experiences, perceive the world around them as hopelessly dangerous, hostile, and deceptive. Such people feel their boundaries as protection and comfort, they feel safe in their own solitude, own world. But most of us perceive loneliness painfully and strive to go beyond the walls of our lives. personalities, are looking for ways and conditions where and how it will be easier to unite with the outside world.
Feeling in love , allows us to do this - temporarily. Essence the phenomenon of falling in love is that at some point, the boundaries of the ego collapse, and we can merge our personality with the personality of another person. A sudden release of oneself from oneself, an explosion, a union with a loving being, and an end to loneliness. Most people experience all this as ecstasy. Me and my beloved (beloved) are one! No more loneliness!
Sometimes, fall in love– this is a step back, regression. The feeling of unity with a loved one is a memory, early childhood, when, still in infancy, we were one with our mother. In the process of merging, we again experience the feeling of omnipotence that we had to give up during the period of parting with childhood. Everything seems possible! By uniting with our beloved, we feel capable of overcoming any obstacles, moving any mountains. All problems will be solved, or rather, for some reason they do not exist at all. The future looks extremely bright. The unreality of these feelings when we are in love is of exactly the same nature as the unreality of the feelings of a two-year-old domestic tyrant, with unlimited power over the family and the whole world.
They have seen the light, so they say.
And then reality hits. A little earlier or a little later, under the pressure of daily problems personality reminds me of myself. He wants sex, she doesn't. She wants to go to the cinema he is with friends fishing, which means he doesn’t like it. He wants a car, she wants a fur coat, and he wants to go to the sea. She wants to talk about her work, he wants to talk about his. She doesn't like his friends, he can't stand her girlfriends. And each of them, in the depths of their souls, begins to painfully understand that he is not the only one who belongs to his beloved being, that this being has and will have its own desires, tastes, prejudices and habits. Gradually or quickly, the boundaries of the ego are restored, gradually or quickly, these two realize that they have fallen out of love with each other. And, again, they turn out to be two separate individuals. And then either the destruction of all connecting threads begins, or the long labor of true love.
Topic "true love" , needs to be discussed separately, deeply and comprehensively. There is a possibility that after the crash falling in love may begin real love , but it must be emphasized that the roots true love - unable falling in love . Vice versa, real love , often arises precisely under such circumstances when falling in love no, when we act as a loving being despite the fact that we do not experience feelings of love.
Love is not the result of conscious choice. She may pass by, or she may appear at a moment when she was not looked for, was not expected, when she was unwanted and inappropriate. Falling in love with a person with whom we clearly have little in common is just as likely as falling in love with a person who is closer and matches our character. We may not be high opinion about the object of our passion, but it happens that we cannot fall in love with a person who we deeply respect and who, according to society, suits us in all respects. This does not mean that we cannot exercise self-discipline when in love. We can choose how to react to the state of falling in love, but we are not given the choice of this state itself.
Love- this is not an expansion of our borders and limits, it is only a partial and temporary destruction of them. Expanding the limits of personality is impossible without effort - love requires no effort. After the moment has passed falling in love, and boundaries personalities will recover, this personality, perhaps, will get rid of illusions, but no expansion of boundaries will occur. If the borders expand, then, as a rule, forever. Real love is an experience of continuous self-expansion. Falling in love does not have this property.
Able falling in love, the person does not develop and does not set any goals. The only goals during this period are the desire to end your loneliness and consolidate this victory with marriage. Of course, we have no spiritual development in our thoughts. And in fact, after we have fallen in love, and have not yet fallen out of love, we feel that we have reached the top, and there is neither the opportunity nor the need to move higher. We do not feel any need for development; we are quite satisfied with what we have. We do not see any desire to spiritual development and from the side of our beloved (beloved). On the contrary, we perceive him (her) as a perfect being, and if we notice individual shortcomings, we regard them as small quirks and cute pranks, as some additional charm, seasoning for relationships.
Today it is already known for sure that love - Not Love, but what exactly it is, no one knows until the end, except for a temporary, partial destruction of the boundaries of the ego. However, the sexual specificity of this phenomenon suggests that this is a genetically determined instinctive component of mating behavior for the continuation of the human race. To put it more bluntly, falling in love is a deception, a trick that genes play on our minds to fool us and lure us into the trap of marriage. Often the trick does not work - when sexual urges and stimuli are homosexual, or when external and internal factors: parental control, one's own beliefs, mature self-discipline interfere and interfere with this connection.
But, on the other hand, without this deception, without this illusory and inevitably temporary (if it were not temporary, it would lose its meaning) regression to infantile omnipotence and merging with a beloved being, many of us, being today in a legitimate state - happy or unhappy - marriage, would retreat in pure horror before the reality of marital responsibility.
It's not over yet.
Sincerely, Tatyana Mamai
