How to get comfortable in a new school.

How to join the team when changing schools, classes, upon returning from vacation? How to help a child if there are conflicts with classmates?

We asked three expert psychologists of our site to comment on the problems of schoolchildren's adaptation in the team.

Irina Yuryevna Taranova, child psychologist at the Child Development Center:

The beginning of a new school year is always stressful for a child: autumn, a change in the daily routine, daily mental stress, an increase in the responsibility placed on the child ... It is especially difficult for those who find themselves in a new team. How successfully and easily the child will be able to adapt in a new team largely depends on his future social life, his ability to build relationships. If a child has such problems as shyness, self-doubt, difficulties in establishing contact with peers, then it is necessary to start working on them as early as possible, even before the child has to enter a new team. With such problems, a child psychologist will help to cope.

Finding out that your child is experiencing stress is not difficult: the child develops sleep disturbances, loses appetite, the child is very reluctant to sit down for homework, stops talking about school, problems begin to arise with behavior at school. In this case, the child needs additional help and support, and if you feel that it will not be so easy to cope with the problem, do not hesitate to seek help from a school or child psychologist.

How to help your child cope with the difficulties of adaptation?

Firstly, it is necessary to understand what exactly the child experiences difficulties: difficulties in establishing contact with strangers, fear of being rejected in a team, fear of new teachers, inability to imagine oneself in a team, etc. The easiest way to understand this is to talk to the child, demonstrating your desire and willingness to help him. Share your experience with your child. Surely you yourself have encountered the same problem when moving to a new school, when entering a university or other educational institution, when applying for a job. Tell your child about your experiences and fears that you experienced when you found yourself in a new team, and about how you coped with this situation.

Second, try organizing an informal activity outside of school with your child's classmates. It can be an autumn holiday, a trip to the park with your parents, a picnic in nature, a tea party at your place. In such conditions, it is easier for a child to start communicating with peers, make friends, feel more confident in a team.

Recently, groups for the development of communication skills for children have been gaining more and more popularity, the purpose of which is to teach the child to interact with others, help the child gain self-confidence, overcome social fears, fears of communication.

Remember that in adapting a child to new conditions, a new team, new requirements that are presented from outside, the most important thing is parental love and support. It is thanks to parental support and acceptance that the child’s self-confidence increases, and it is easier for him to cope with all the “surprises” that adult life presents. After all, right now the child, as an object of social interaction, realizes for the first time that life in society is built according to certain laws, someone wants to be friends with him, and someone does not, there are leaders in any team, and someone is on the bottom step. hierarchy, you must fight for success and your “place in the sun”. Most often, this discovery turns out to be unexpected and difficult for the student, since parents, as a rule, do not prepare for this.

Anna Besinger, Montessori teacher, psychologist:

1. Child changed school/class.
To begin with, it is important to carefully collect the child for school so that there are no awkward situations due to forgotten things or something like that, because in order to start communicating with new people, you need to feel quite comfortable. You can talk to the teacher in advance and ask him to introduce the child to the class, or, conversely, not to do this if you know that this will only be extra stress for your child. It is also important to talk with the child, set him up, which, perhaps, from the first day it will not be so easy to make friends with someone, and try to discuss how the child can make an acquaintance, what to say and how to react.

2. The child returns to a class where the relationship was not going well.
It is important to set the child up that a lot could change over the summer, the guys grew up, new interests appeared, and this year the relationship may turn out differently. Remember that a lot depends on the mood: if the child is afraid and closes from communication, then there is almost no chance, but if he is positive, then a lot can turn out much easier. In this case, you can also talk to the teacher and ask him to help your child build relationships with the guys.
It may be worth contacting a psychologist to understand why a difficult relationship has arisen, and to help the child build them in the future the way he would like.

Tatyana Markova, child and family psychologist, specialist in the field of family life arrangement:

1. The child changes class or school.
Changing places of study is a stressful situation for most children. When a junior student comes to an established team, he has to solve a number of problems.

First, adapt to the new teacher. For children of primary school age, the teacher is an undoubted authority. With his direct participation, a new position is formed in the child - the position of a schoolchild, which is associated with an increase in arbitrariness in behavior, the assumption of new responsibilities, the redistribution of time during the day, etc. The child is guided by the teacher's assessment of both himself and his activities. And since each teacher has his own tactics, when changing the place of study, the child has to adapt to the new rules, and this is not easy.

Secondly, there is an adaptation of the child to the peer group. In primary school, children continue to play activities, due to which it is easier for them to establish contact with each other. Younger schoolchildren are more direct in this respect than, say, younger teenagers. Therefore, if the teacher broadcasts the position of accepting a newcomer, then the team will accept him quite painlessly. If your child has a natural shyness and is difficult to communicate even when accepted by other children, you can organize something like a holiday dedicated to his arrival in a new class or school. This will be a good opportunity to bring children together, get to know their parents and create a favorable space for communication and joint activities of children. This is also some marker for determining a new stage in a child's life.

For a younger student, learning activity becomes the leading one, therefore, his status as a student and everything connected with it is important for him. Therefore, the interest of parents in the school affairs of the child is not only important for him, but necessary. Only at first glance, the questions “What did you do in class today?”, “What grades did you get today?” seem simple and banal, repeating itself from day to day. For a child, school activity is a lens through which his self-image is refracted: through success at school, his self-esteem and self-attitude are formed.

2. The child returns to the class where he had problems with classmates last year.
Consider the situation when a child returns after a long period of time (for example, holidays) to a team where he is not accepted for one reason or another. The very first reaction that a child is likely to demonstrate is a reluctance to go to school, that is, avoidance of an unpleasant situation. This is the easiest way to get out of stress, and not only children, but also adults use it. Imagine if at the same time you will forcibly return the child to this situation. At a minimum, he will experience severe discomfort and will become worse at studying. And it’s not at all good if, against this background, he develops psychosomatic symptoms.

To prevent this, it is important first of all to find out the essence of the conflict in the child himself and in the teacher. The teacher, as we remember, is the main figure in the team of younger students, so here he needs to show pedagogical wisdom and help the children understand the situation constructively. If the teacher manages to reformulate the situation, for example, in the context of help (compare: “Guys, Vanya fights/steals, and fighting/stealing is not good. He does bad things!” and “Guys, Vanya fights/steals because he does not always manage to cope with the fact that he finds anger / wants to take something from another. Let's help him with this! ”, Then the conflict will be easier to resolve.

Parents in this situation are required to maintain a balance between expectation and involvement in the solution of the issue. You should not take on too much, actively resolving the situation with the involvement of parents, various services, the director and calling the children to face-to-face confrontation (we are not talking now about a situation where, for example, there is a real threat to the child's health). But you should not devalue the feelings of the child and forcibly “push” him to school (“Think up”, “Pay no attention”, “Be smarter than them, keep silent”). So you risk discouraging to study for all the remaining years. Healthy participation in solving the problem in cooperation with the teacher (and, if possible, with the school psychologist) will be much more effective.

The school is the base of the child. It is in school that children learn how to succeed. Adapting to a new school can be very stressful and scary for a child. When he goes to a new school, he worries about many things: that he doesn’t know anyone at all, or that he won’t be able to join the team. He worries that he might just get lost, or that the teachers will be too hard on him. However, as soon as the student joins the educational process, new friends immediately appear, and life is getting better. In order to make the process of getting used to it easier, you need to learn as much as possible about the school and thoroughly prepare for the first day in a new educational institution. In addition, it is very important to learn how to make friends with classmates.

Steps

Introduction to the new school

Arrange an introductory tour of the new school. Before you move to a new school, go there with your parents. Find out where the classroom where you will study is located, the dining room, the assembly hall, the gym and other important places (including the toilet!)

Meet your teachers. Meeting new teachers will allow you to more smoothly adapt to the new school. Introduce yourself and smile. Being friendly to teachers will help you transition to a new school. Find out key points about them: their names, what subject they teach, and where they teach it.

Read the house rules. If you know all the features of the school policy in advance, it will be easier for you to adjust to the new school culture. The school charter can be obtained from the school itself or downloaded from the school website. Read information about school rules with your parents. If something is not clear to you, parents will be able to explain certain points to you. If the new school does not have a charter, read the rulebook.

• The school charter may contain interesting facts about the school itself, which will help you get to know the school, its history, students and teachers better.

1. Check out the academic calendar year. It will be useful to know exactly what dates are scheduled for holidays, short school days or special days when, for example, sports competitions take place. Mark these days on your calendar. So you will look forward to a short day of school or a day off.

   Prepare school supplies. Get a list of required items at the school or on the school website, try to buy everything you need before you go to school.

   Get a good night's sleep. Your first day of school should be well-sleep. A good rest will help get rid of possible nervousness. Try to get at least 8-9 hours of sleep if you are over 12. If you are 7 to 11 years old, get 10-11 hours of sleep.

   Have a hearty breakfast. Do not worry about the amount of food, before lunch you will need additional energy. Eat protein-rich foods for breakfast, such as a peanut butter sandwich or eggs.

   Get your school clothes ready. Before the first day of school, prepare the necessary clothes in advance in the evening. Then in the morning you will not have to rush to look for clean trousers or a second shoe. Preliminary preparation will help to start the day calmly. You will have enough time to introduce yourself in a special school uniform.

   • If you wear a school uniform, buy it ahead of time and make sure it fits you well. Well-fitting clothes will help you feel more confident when you start a new school.

2. Go to your new school early. Make sure you leave enough time to get to school. You probably don't want to run into class after the bell rings. Plus, if you get to school early, you'll have a chance to socialize with other students and, if you're lucky, make some new friends.

   Talk to your parents about what is bothering you. Surely, your parents have the experience of moving from one school to another. Ask them about how they felt when they made new friends.

Make an effort

Learn the school rules. Each school has its own set of rules to help students stay safe and learn well. This school may need to get the teacher's permission to go to the bathroom during class. Learning school rules will help you settle in faster and avoid trouble.

Do what the teachers say. When you transfer to a new school, you should be very careful about the instructions of the teachers. You don't have to be a sycophant, but you should try to make a good impression on your teachers. This will be of great importance during the development in the new school.

Do your homework and try to do well in school. If you do your homework regularly and put in enough effort, the adaptation process will go much faster. The process of mastering a new school environment is already not easy, so you are unlikely to want to experience even more stress due to poor grades.

Make sure you get promoted to the right class. When you transfer to a new school, you will have certain grades in school subjects and you will be sent to a certain class. In most cases, this means that you will be sent to the class that you should. For example, if you graduated from the fourth grade at your old school, and apply for a new school in the summer, you will move to the fifth grade.

• For high school, meet with the Principal to make sure you have completed all of the subjects required for admission to exams and graduation.

1. Tell your parents about the good things you had at school. When you get used to a new school, sometimes you feel insecure and alone. But every day there are good things that are worth paying attention to. These things may seem insignificant, but they really aren't. Telling your parents about these things will help you realize that you are getting used to school.

   • Here are a few examples: you got a good grade in a particular subject, you said hello to someone you didn't know before, you scored a goal in PE class, and so on.

making friends

1. Learn to introduce yourself. You may be afraid to introduce yourself to someone or start a conversation, especially if you are shy. However, once you overcome your fears, you won't even notice when you're among friends. Choose someone to introduce yourself to. Smile and say hello. Talk about something related to school, for example, start the conversation by asking what class is next on the schedule or how you liked (or did not like) the English lesson, etc.

   • Practice this conversation with one of your parents, a sibling, or even a pet.
   • You can also think of other ways to start a conversation, such as complimenting someone on their clothes or a cool laptop.

2. Get to know other students before class starts. Making friends before school starts will make it easier for you to get through your first day of school. Visit a park near the school or join the school camp. That way you'll already have acquaintances before school starts.

Even an adult can be afraid to come to an unfamiliar team, especially a child. Uncertainty always causes anxiety, a kid or teenager will have to get acquainted with new people, the atmosphere, the rules of communication. It is good if relations with teachers and classmates develop successfully. And if not? It is very important to discuss with the child all possible options for the development of the situation, however, the emphasis should be placed only on positive aspects, a positive attitude solves a lot. Surely in the former school there were unloved teachers, cocky classmates and conflict situations. Moving to a new class is a great chance to start over with a clean slate.

“Whoever controls the situation controls the world,” said Rothschild, and he was right. It is necessary to learn as much as possible about the new place of study: about the color of the uniform, traditions, how holidays are celebrated, what the school leadership considers a priority in education and upbringing. Now each educational institution has its own website or even a page on social networks. This gives a chance to virtually get acquainted with the teaching staff, and maybe start a correspondence with the students. Virtual dating is easier for many people to start.

Olga Nikolaeva

Child psychologist

“The change of school or class should take place in September. This is the time when all children have to get used to the school rhythm. It will be easier for a beginner to join the educational process.”

A few weeks before classes, you can go with your child to a new school, find out the location of classes, a canteen, a toilet, and get to know the teachers. In this case, the adaptation of the child in the new class will be easier. Be sure to discuss at home with the children the topic of transition to a new class, this is not an ordinary, everyday event, but a global change in a child's life. It is better to find as many pluses as possible of the transition to a new class, to interest, to see the prospects. It is very important to listen to the baby or teenager, to know his fears and experiences. You should teach the child to be himself, and ignore stupid jokes. Feeling the confidence and positive attitude of the parents, the child will easily cope with the circumstances.

First impression

The first weeks in a new team are the most difficult, children with already established relationships in the class, as a rule, are hostile to the newcomer. Therefore, the support of parents for a child in the first days in a new class is necessary, like air.

Natalia Komarova

School psychologist

“How easily a child will join a new team depends on his character. Some children easily make contact, the process of acquaintance arouses their interest. In this case, problems with communication in the classroom rarely occur. Shy, timid or anxious children will take a long time to adjust to a new school.”

In this case, it would be useful to talk confidentially with teachers or with the class teacher, talk about the difficulties that the child may have, about his character traits.

In the very first days, the child will have to learn and understand the traditions of the new class, its hierarchy and find their place. This is a very difficult task, the child must understand that he will have to take the first steps in getting to know himself. The main thing is to start a dialogue: you can ask how to get to the dining room, or find out where the history room is located. In no case should you walk around with a frowning, wary face, because friendship begins with a smile. It is very important to leave a good impression about yourself in the first days of study, because everyone likes sociable people with a sense of humor. However, making fun of teachers or classmates is a big mistake; a calm, friendly person who is interested in communication in most cases causes only positive emotions.

Problems and ways to solve them

Problems in the new class still arise. The first thing a child may encounter is the desire of an already established team to give a beginner a low status, while it is important for a child to remain the same person that he used to be in his previous class. The best way to gain the trust of others is to show a good attitude towards them, but you should not force your friendship on anyone.

If the child is in elementary school, you can advise him to make friends with a partymate or find a kindred spirit: communication of interests often turns into friendship for many years. Parents should definitely attend the first school meeting and meet several mothers. Positive communication between adults will help the child to better adapt to a new place. Boys need to understand that fists are not the solution. Relationships are best built on respect, not fear. Of course, if we are not talking about self-defense. Unfortunately, it also happens that the child begins to “spread rot”. Of course, this is the problem of the teacher, he must unite the children and teach them to play with each other. However, parents have to solve this problem.

Anna Khnykina

Family psychologist

“You can go to all the teachers, get to know each other, explain the situation: you didn’t complain, you didn’t come to control, but to cooperate. Ask to observe the situation at recess. And come back in a week. It can work against bullying to organize class events in your area - at home or in a cafe, it doesn't matter. To do this, you need to call all the parents, kindly explain the situation and ask for support.

In the life of many families, situations often occur when they have to change their place of residence. People can move within a city or country, as well as go abroad for permanent residence. Moving is always stressful for both adults and children, and the latter are more susceptible to it. If the family has a child of school age, with the move he will need to change the place of education. Parents should know how to protect their child from the emotional stress associated with moving to another school.

Life from scratch

A stereotype has developed in society, according to which children, due to their age, easily adapt to changes in life. This opinion is erroneous, because in this case it all depends on the nature of the child and the level of his socialization. Moving to another school is, first of all, meeting a lot of new people: students and teachers. The child will have to join the team, which has long been formed and which has its own rules, rules and leaders. A new student always becomes the object of everyone's attention and not every child will be able to comfortably survive such a moment. There is no need to demand self-confidence and lack of fear of strangers from the child, because many adults also feel awkward and constrained before the upcoming acquaintance with new colleagues and superiors.

Child psychologists can give parents of children some tips to help them easily adapt to a new school. If possible, it is better to transfer the change of school or class to the very beginning of the school year. The first of September always means changes in school life for both the long-established team and the new student. In addition, the arrival of a “newcomer” to the school team at the beginning of the school year is a common phenomenon.

Advice

On the eve of the final transition to school, the student, together with his parents, should visit the new educational institution in order to feel the atmosphere and get to know the teachers.

The topic of changing school should be discussed in the family. If the child has questions and doubts, they must be discussed. Moving to a new school does not mean ending friendships with classmates from the previous school. If the child wants to keep in touch with friends, this should be encouraged. But if the school was changed because of the child's strained relationship with classmates, the transition to a new school should be perceived as a unique chance to make new friends.

If the child had problems with some disciplines, parents should warn the teachers who will teach them at the new school about this. This will save the child from a situation where the teacher, as a test of knowledge, will give him a very difficult task, which he will definitely not be able to cope with. If a child has to demonstrate his weaknesses on the very first day at a new school, this will definitely not add confidence and determination to him.

Parent support

Parents themselves must demonstrate confidence that the child will be fine in the new school. If they show fear and doubt, their mood will be transmitted to the child.
It often happens that after many years of study, high school students are forced, for one reason or another, to move to another educational institution. Teenagers are more difficult to endure adaptation, and a long-established team is usually reluctant to accept the “newcomer”. However, if a new student behaves naturally, and does not go out of his way to please his classmates, he is guaranteed to receive a friendly attitude from new buddies. In addition, the transition to a new school will be an example for a high school student of the situation that he will face when entering a college or university.

The child needs to be explained that in the new team you need to behave modestly and not try to immediately get the status of the smartest student in the class. Usually this behavior is exhibited by children who are used to being leaders in the previous class or favorites of all teachers. The child must understand that in the new team it is necessary to re-evaluate himself, and this must be done gradually so as not to be considered a bore and an upstart. If the child is really talented, it will show itself.

Problems with the team

It often happens that a new student for no apparent reason was negatively perceived in the new team. However, this does not mean that the school needs to be changed again, otherwise the child will always solve his problems in society through denial and flight. If your child is having difficulty communicating with new friends, you need to discuss this topic with him and show your support. It is necessary to abandon the idea of ​​​​a visit to the classroom in order to organize a showdown. This approach to solving the problem will lead to an escalation of tension.

The task of parents is to find out the cause of the conflict and, together with the child, develop ways to eliminate it. Often the child himself is the culprit of the conflict, and if this happened, you need to delicately tell the child what is wrong with him. You may have to enlist the support of the class teacher in building relationships between the new student and classmates.

Conclusion:

If a child experiences psychological discomfort due to negative relationships in a new team, you should try to switch his attention to other aspects: study, classes in circles, communication with out-of-school friends. Often, over time, many conflicts in the classroom are resolved over time on their own, and in these cases it all depends on the behavior of the child and his attitude to the situation.

The child goes to a new class and he needs help to orient himself. The phrase "Third" G "on the corridor to the left" will not be enough here. At a crucial moment for the family, try to isolate from the family a cousin from a distant suburb, who all the time tells how he beat beginners and excellent students as a child, and stop humming the song: “Who is new? Take away the finished one! Inna Pribora and psychologist Inna Belyaeva share more valuable tips below.

For those who are preparing for the main school exam

Why does the child need help?

Being in an unfamiliar team and working in it is a strong stress for any person, especially a small one. The main reasons for concern are how you will be accepted, how they will evaluate you and what they will think about a briefcase with a portrait of a plush Minister of Education sewn on. The main parental role now is to support the student, and not buzz about the soiled shirt collar. The support of the teacher can be indispensable, especially if he feels sympathy for the child and for you, but this is not always to be counted on.

To fit into any team, you need to take a close look at it and evaluate how these guys live here in T-shirts "Serving Satan"

Find out what norms, rules, values ​​are here. Whether it is necessary to squat and bow to the headman, throw a wet sponge or shake your head to the beat of the biologist's recitative. Think about the dangers that a child may face in this company and work out a way to integrate.

Your child's skills, strengths and your support should help in integrating. The task of the parent is precisely to help the child to understand the new environment and develop an appropriate strategy in conversations about children, about class routine, about relationships in the classroom. At the same time, conversations about classroom routine should not be devoted to lessons and grades (“How? Of course, these exciting issues can also be discussed, but going about assessments will not contribute to adaptation.

What to do?

1. It must be remembered that the relationship with the child for teachers begins with the relationship "teacher - parent."

According to authoritative psychologist Gordon Neufeld, this is called “attachment transfer.” The essence of the reception is that the parent should go and make friends with the teacher. Probably, you shouldn’t show up with a case of beer at Elena Albertovna’s house, but you can always come to school, tell that you are very interested in the problems of the school, Elena Albertovna and all the children of the world, that you are writing a scientific monograph, an article about responsible teachers , study the wintering conditions of head teachers, draw portraits of women with glasses, or even want to offer your help, mostly moral. But you can also move this aquarium.

2. The second point, according to the apt expression of the same Neufeld, is called "matchmaking."

The process is two-way: you marry the child to the teacher, and the child, only later, at home, the teacher. It would be useful for the teacher to find out how your student is worried, asking questions about the teacher, waiting for the solemn day, choosing daisies. Tell her that you are a sensitive mother, and your child is a vulnerable person, and will not tolerate the usual tradition for their school of rolling newcomers in a basin down the stairs. Reassure the child too: “I told Elena Albertovna about your interest in newts and frogs. She is anxiously waiting for you and even prepared the best seat in the back rows.”

3. Try to negotiate with the teacher so that she gives you the opportunity to introduce the child to the class.

Sometimes teachers themselves ask to tell a new one about themselves or try to tell the class something else about a person besides the surname and initials. But you will definitely do better. During the matchmaking, say that you yourself are just a wonderful professional, an honorary advertiser, and if you manage to sell electric cotton swabs to simpletons, then you will be able to present the child in the most favorable light.

It will be easy for parents of an extrovert warehouse to speak to the class about the family, common interests and hobbies of the child.

Introverts and those who are still afraid to answer at the blackboard can collect a few items that will tell about the child (a tennis ball, a magnet with the Serpukhov coat of arms and a piece of buffalo skin), or make a presentation at Power Point.

4. The newcomer went to study. Spend time together discussing school life.

Do not arrange an interrogation, but sincerely be interested in all the important little things: what did you eat? did you laugh at school? over what? was there something upsetting? There is such a game: take a list of classmates and go through the last names with the child: what do you think, which one is who? Who is an excellent student? Who is the bully? Who is the joke? Who is friends with whom? Guess who you'll befriend? Do not forget, of course, to report that this is the first impression, and everything will change later. It will be interesting to see how the situation actually develops.

Do not forget to really look later and pay attention to the fact that a boy with the surname Shkuroderov will turn out to be a shy violinist and your daughter's best friend

If you have photos of classmates (on the net, for example), try to combine names with photos together. This will help your child remember other children better, give him the feeling that they are familiar, and also make him pay attention to classmates, notice character traits, think, what are they like? In general, it will distract from painful reflections “is it visible from the outside that one of my ears is protruding”.

While you chat about school every day, tell your stories, or remember the plots of books and movies. Pay attention to the heroes relevant to the child.

5. Create an atmosphere of total acceptance at home during school adaptation..

Cancel pressure, strict moralizing conversations and a critical approach to the order in the children's room. Let only love and admiration for the child reign in all the rooms of the apartment.

Show more participation in the child, conduct activities to relieve stress

Go on long family walks, ride merry-go-rounds, hug Pokémon, slowly read aloud with the whole family wrapped in a blanket, and somehow hold a cup of fragrant tea, eat ice cream, buried in a pile of yellow leaves. In general, it makes sense to act as stupid as the smiling people from the motivators in the Facebook feed. Praise the child, give him positive feedback, even when ice cream has fallen into tea, and tea into a blanket, you only smile, not yell.

6. When your child goes to school, do not forget to give him some kind of artifact that gives strength.

A small souvenir that reminds you of you, of a family trip, of something important for a child. Put in his backpack a note with encouraging words, a music box, a statuette of a double-headed eagle, a sticker "thank you to grandfather for the victory", a dried head of a snake. In addition to the strategy of behavior, a person must have a resource that can be relied upon. Home, family, culture, books read, favorite stories, poems and songs - this is a good support that a child carries with him in any incomprehensible situation.