QUESTION FOR PSYCHOLOGISTS
Asked by: Ivan (2016-08-29 21:03:23)
Hello, I understand that I want to change my gender from male to female. I’ve had this desire since I was probably 14, now I’m 21 and I still really regret that I was born a boy. I am sure that if I were a girl, everything would have turned out completely differently for me and I would have lived for my own pleasure (as most girls do now). I can't take advantage of all the benefits of being a woman because I don't have a vagina, but I do have a stupid penis.
I'll explain in more detail:
1) I don’t want to be the initiator of relationships, I want people to get to know me first and take the initiative (that is, I want to take the role of a girl when meeting me)
2) I don’t want to pay for anyone in cafes and other places, on the contrary, I want them to pay for me in these places and at entertainment (exactly the same as they pay for girls)
3) I want, just like girls, to get sex anywhere and anytime for free (that is, any girl can wear a miniskirt and go to a club for sex and get it for free, but I can’t do that)
4) I want to be given expensive gifts such as an iPhone, etc. just for sex or a blowjob (girls give it all, but not me)
5) I would gladly be a stupid stupid girl and not study at a university, because I would find a husband who would support my family and me (since I am the owner of a penis, I cannot expect that they will support me)
6) I wouldn’t be drafted into the army and during the war I wouldn’t have to die under bullets
7) you could have relationships with several men at once and receive various gifts and other services from each of them completely free of charge
Based on the above, only the patient will not agree with the points that I described. I'm tired of being obligated to everyone and everything, I want to finally live for my own pleasure, as women (girls) do nowadays. In the current situation in Russia, being a woman is many times easier and simpler, I want to follow the simple path and not suffer.
Can you deny that it is much easier to be a woman?
And how to make an appointment with the gender reassignment commission and get permission from it?
ANSWERS FROM PSYCHOLOGISTS
Dear Ivan!
Here you have found a bunch of “convincing” reasons to prove that you are right that want to change gender. You described here mainly material and selfish desires receiving rather than giving in relationships. Your psychodefense led them to justify your unwillingness to be a man.
You are most likely an unwanted child by gender. They are the ones who most often refuse to accept their gender, finding a variety of reasons. You can read about it here:
For those moments that violate gender role identity and self-acceptance, look here:
I have given you links on topics that are closely related to you. And since I often do problem of accepting your gender and your biological sexuality, you can seek psychological help yu to me.
Accepting your biological gender through psychotherapy It will cost you a thousand times less than sex reassignment surgery. In addition, you will not take hormones for life and shorten your life. And also to curse the difficult burden of women, who are not always provided for as rosyly as you describe by men.
Sign up for psychotherapy via Skype by phone if you find it necessary.
All the best!
Rimma Dyusmetova, member of the European Association of Psychotherapists Chelyabinsk
I hope that everyone who reads the title of the article will decide for themselves whether to go under the “cut” or not. Personally, I absolutely do not recommend it. But if you went there, please do not curse me - you have been fairly warned: the text under the “cut” contains obscene thoughts. By the way, you can stop reading at any time if you feel unwell. Keep your heart drops ready.
If you are for some reason unhappy with the current state of affairs, i.e. with what nature has given you, do not despair - there is always a way out of any situation, as the film magazine “I Want to Know Everything” teaches us. All you need is desire and patience, the rest you will find in this guide to gender reassignment, compiled by me in my spare time.
ATTENTION! Do not start implementing your plan immediately after reading only the first paragraph - perhaps by the end of reading you will change your mind. Changing your gender at home is a rather risky undertaking, so go to the notary the day before and treat your friends to beer.
Obviously, the method of gender reassignment for men and women will be fundamentally different, so this guide contains two full chapters.
Chapter 1. Boys
So, we need: sharp knife(you can use a scalpel), sterile cotton wool, a glass of alcohol, saline solution, brilliant green.
Preparation. The penis must be in a deflated state before surgery, otherwise you will lose a lot of blood. Therefore, calm him down as best you can, and do not watch porn films before the procedure. Just before the start of the operation, drink a little alcohol - 100 grams. Wash it down with water, but do not have a snack.
Removing unnecessary. Grasp the penis and scrotum with your left hand, pull them away from the body as far as possible (Fig. 1). Carefully, so as not to splash the walls, but at the same time, with a sharp movement, strike the knife along the trunk, trying to get as close to the root as possible. Cauterize the cut area with cotton wool previously soaked in alcohol or brilliant green. Place the remaining flesh in a saline solution in case you later want to change your gender back.
Cosmetic actions. Now that the protruding parts of the body have been removed, you can begin to form the vagina. The complexity of this procedure depends on what you are going to do with this organ in the future. If, for example, you only have intercourse with men, then a small indentation in the perineum will be enough, which will not be difficult for you to make using a drill and a drill with a diameter of 20 mm. Some, however, prefer to create a vaginal simulator using the posterior meatus for this purpose. If you are going to also receive pleasure from acts of intimacy, then you simply need to build a clitoris. You can easily find a schematic diagram in the Radio magazine, and in radio equipment stores you can find all the necessary spare parts: a capacitor, a coil of wires, a sensor, etc. The resulting “pleasure center” works as follows: friction generates static electricity, it accumulates in a capacitor, and when its amount reaches a predetermined level, orgasm occurs, i.e. discharge electric current passes through your body and you start screaming. Things are much more complicated if, with the help of the purchased vagina, you want to perform some other functions of the female body, such as pregnancy and childbirth. You will have to free up part of the abdominal cavity for the uterus and ovaries. It is best to do this at the expense of the stomach, since removing even one meter of intestines threatens you with unpredictable consequences, and the stomach, even reduced by a third, continues to cope with its duties perfectly. Ask the ulcers - they won’t let me lie. Since gastric removal surgery is quite complicated, seek the help of a professional surgeon. When the place is ready, take a plastic bag with a capacity of 10 to 20 liters (Fig. 2). New trash bags are ideal. Never take used bags or T-shirt bags that are given away free in supermarkets. This is not the case when you need to save money - health is more expensive. Place the bag next to the stomach and lightly inflate it with a pump. Now the ovaries. Remember, it is in them that the new life when sperm penetrates female body. So they must be real. The use of previously removed male eggs for these purposes is not recommended.
Chapter 2. Girls
Oddly enough, this operation is much easier than the previous one. We will need: epoxy glue, needle and thread.
Preparation. Wash yourself thoroughly. Not because it has any bearing on the success of the business, but because you are committing this procedure last time in life (Fig. 3). Dilute the glue in a separate container: mix the resin and hardener. In order to save glue, you can add filler from sawdust or wood shavings to the resulting mass.
Formation of the base. Take a construction syringe and use it to pump glue into the vagina. Purse your lips tightly and sew them shut with thick thread using a blanket stitch. Allow 24 hours for the glue to harden and reach its maximum strength.
Making a phallus. If you are performing a sex change operation at the same time as a representative of the other half of humanity, there will be no problems - take his organ and sew it to the most convenient place for you (Fig. 4). Otherwise, you will have to look for artificial material. And then you need to decide which type of phallus suits you most: always tense or always relaxed. The first type is made of reinforced rubber, polyurethane or hard wood (oak, beech, etc.). The second type is most often made from genuine leather (usually pork). Less often, for purely financial reasons, they resort to the help of leatherette substitutes. Unfortunately, modern science has not yet created anything like a real organ that can take various shapes at the behest of the brain alone. There are, of course, prototypes that produce erections due to the pressure of liquid flowing through a special pipeline. But, firstly, all this is just a pathetic parody of a real instrument, and, secondly, numerous hoses get in the way and get tangled “under your feet,” so to speak. In addition, during intercourse you must be connected to a water supply with a pressure of at least two atmospheres, almost like a washing machine. IN Lately A compromise solution appeared on the market: “replaceable” phalluses. As you might guess, the kit includes two pieces: erect and not. Using special latches, they can be easily removed and attached to the body. However, I cannot help but notice that this product is new and not sufficiently tested.
Conclusion
In the first days after surgery, try to avoid casual sex, eat less fatty and sweet foods. Eliminate alcohol and drugs from your daily diet. Well, contact us with your questions and wishes. Wish you luck!
The material is intended for persons over 18 years of age
He is 25 years old, he has never been a woman and has always tried to prove it formally. Some people are accustomed to gender stereotypes, others are in favor of erasing boundaries, and still others have to fight their exclusivity and strive for an unattainable norm. It is difficult to fit into society, but it is possible, despite the lack of a legislative procedure. The Internet gives the false impression that transgender people are perverts, porn actors, posers and generally indulge in a lot, but this is not always the case: we simply don’t see those who are integrated.
Russian legislation says practically nothing about changing gender, but suggests doing it this way: first do the operation, then change the documents. On the one hand, this is true: first the real state of affairs changes, then the formal one. To avoid scammers who change their minds about going to the surgeon with a new passport, people need to be required to change their gender surgically if they are so sure of their desire. On the other hand, changing a passport only after surgery forces a person to go under the knife and operate on fragile organs. It is not the change of documents that follows the change of gender, but the change of gender is forced to obey the need for a change of documents. The person looks like a man and is a man, but has a woman's passport. To resolve the contradiction, it is not enough for him to simply change the document - he must cut out his genitals.
Nikita, like many other transgender people, does not want to have lower surgery. He did not find such legislative practice in Russia and created his own precedent.
The Village spoke with him about what defines a man as a man.
About self-awareness
Since childhood, I have been irritated by being addressed in the feminine gender. All philology infuriated me: verbs, pronouns, possessives, adjectives. Even at an unconscious age, I flatly refused to wear dresses. It probably looked normal: there are girls who love pants and cars, then they grow into women who prefer sports rather than beauty salons. I was interested in boys and I wanted to be equal to them. That is, I was an equal: we jumped around the garages, I was even the leader in our games. But from the very beginning something was wrong: I did not perceive myself as a girl.
Everyone wanted to see me in a skirt, and I tried to live up to that. I started wearing dresses to my classmates to make my classmates happy, they kept saying that it suited me. One day I had a serious experience of self-acceptance. I had almost no women's clothing, more and more shirts and pants. I took something from my mother, dressed like a woman and went for a walk. It’s summer, I’m wearing a top with a vulgar neckline and a frivolous skirt, a severe sore throat has not yet passed and I have no voice. I’m walking along the Moskovsky railway station, and I’m met by a homeless-looking man. And in his eyes you can clearly see: “I want!” I am away from him - he is towards me, I take a step to the side - he is there too. And then I tell him in my hoarse voice: “Man, fuck off.” It was funny to me that I had a feminine appearance, and at that moment I felt everything: this is not me.
I wasn’t satisfied with skirts for long and went back to my grinders and jeans.
A dramatic thing happened to me in high school, love triangle. Two friends fell in love with me, and I fell in love with one of them. It was so hard because I couldn’t confess to her. Now I can speak openly, but then, of course not. Long before hormone therapy, I only had guesses about myself. One day we had a funny conversation with that friend who was in love with me: they say, somewhere in distant Thailand they are doing operations, you can become a man, and we will be happy together. Yes, this is great, of course, but they make monsters out of people. I thought for a long time with horror about such operations; I did not see good examples.
This is Nikita
One day I tried on what it was like to be a man. A friend invited her to go on a trip with her to a nature reserve, where a group of people study animals, count tracks in the snow and keep records of the population. We talked before, arrived, and she introduced me: “This is Nikita.” I thought: “Okay, let it be Nikita.” Then there was no turning back, but only in one company. When your name is called differently, it’s like going through the looking glass, and I wanted to go back there. They called me that because that's how it should be. The new name first appeared in December, then in January I was introduced to Nikita in yet another company. I thought hard and already in March I decided to undergo hormone therapy.
About hormones
The Internet told me everything: how such people live in America, how they get out of this situation. I can’t imagine how people used to come to such decisions on their own when there was no information - no way, probably. I looked at the forums, asked people what and where they buy, they told me about pharmacies in Moscow. I needed omnadren. I marked several points on the map, literally at the first one, somewhere near the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I bought five packs - a supply for a year. I didn’t wait for medical confirmation that I was transgender; I started injecting hormones illegally. I was 20 years old.
Hormone therapy begins to work from the second day. First, the sensitivity of the genital organs changes. The ovaries stop working, the breasts become deflated, and the clitoris enlarges. The first three months are wildly painful because the change occurs very unevenly. I don’t know how to describe it biologically - as if the foreskin grows later than the clitoris grows. My mother breeds Maine Coons, and it’s the same with them: the kittens grow up first hind legs, and the front ones remain small, and in childhood they look like rabbits. It’s a strange comparison of genitals with kittens, of course, but biology in general is a tricky thing.
While you inject hormones, the female body does not work, if you stop - will return to its place.
The male reproductive system is “disposable”: Irreversible castration occurs after hormone therapy
Changing your voice takes about six months. Fat is gradually redistributed - it leaves the hips and chest. Instead of a woman's belly, a man's belly may grow, but there will never be cellulite. The shape of the face changes, hair begins to grow. While you inject hormones, the female body does not work; if you stop, it will return to its place. The male reproductive system is “disposable”: after hormone therapy, irreversible castration occurs. The testicles have shrunk, and goodbye. This seems to confirm that men are for evolution, and women are for stability, and will adapt to any changes. Unlike the fragile male reproductive system, the female one is very mobile. For me this is lifelong therapy.
Now I'm in recovery, I don't inject hormones and I'm not in in better shape. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think: “You’ve gone crazy, bad.” I couldn’t afford to buy the drug - I was dumped at work, and prices also skyrocketed because of the dollar. Previously, five ampoules cost 500 rubles and, they say, the state bought 80% of their cost. Now one ampoule costs 800 rubles. To function normally, I need at least two a month. The body requires high doses, it processes testosterone quickly, and levels can drop. Yes, I had no money at all because of the setup with work at a construction site, even for two ampoules a month. The contractor took payment from the customer and did not pass it on to us. I was left without a salary and let my team down and didn’t pay the guys. Completely rock bottom, after that I sat for a month and looked at the ceiling, ashamed and bad. Self-esteem dropped below zero. Now I started working, today I took the first injection, everything will soon return to normal.
It’s interesting that before the rollback I thought that PMS was a woman’s whim. I didn’t have this, but now I suddenly started feeling it every month. For exactly a week it seems to me that everything is bad, people are terrible, life is at zero. I look at myself from the outside and think: hey, guy, isn't that day just approaching? Well, yes, I tell myself, life is shit, you are depressed, but it’s just because of hormones. How do women even tolerate this?
About the commission
Some people get the certificate quickly, within six months. I, being a good person, chose the long way and did everything according to the rules. We don't have rules though. Laws do not prohibit gender reassignment or describe how to do it legally. We find ourselves outside the law. There are many sources of information, but they are unreliable. Before the age of 21, it seems that you cannot get a certificate stating that you are transgender. I was 19, and I decided to register in advance - I needed to be observed by a psychiatrist for two years. I went to St. Petersburg for a commission, for some reason I decided that it was better there. It was possible to do this in Nizhny Novgorod Lyakhovo, but I didn’t know that then.
When I arrived at the commission, I already looked like a man. I was the only one - people of indeterminate gender were sitting around. I have a negative attitude towards such undercooked creatures; they confuse me. A glamorous guy was sitting next to me, throwing such hot glances at me - he was curious why I looked so good here.
Before the commission there was a test with funny questions - draw a non-existent animal, choose a color. You pass it, then six months later you are invited to a commission. If you don't have schizophrenia, then this is a quick procedure. A couple of days later they gave me a certificate. They confirmed that I was transgender, and from that moment on I could legally buy hormones, have surgery and change documents.
About changing documents
I look like a man, my name is Nikita, but there is another person in my passport. When I presented it, they said to me: “Are you kidding me, or what?” I had to show a mole on my neck and tell him that this also happens. I tried not to use my passport. This is a big hemorrhoid: not going by train, not getting a job. I only traveled by bus between cities. Some places require at least a photocopy of your passport. My girlfriend is good at photoshopping and we made a fake copy. She took a photo of me as if I were 14 years old and wrote that I was Nikita. And it worked. Generally speaking, I could do everything using my passport; it depended only on my desire to explain the situation.
First you cut your body, then you receive documents about it. I was forced to go under the knife
Changing documents looks like this: you come to the registry office, talk about the need for a gender change, present a certificate from a doctor. They either say “okay” or “go to court.” Documents are changed based on a court decision. I can’t say that we have a terrible government and bureaucracy, if you want, you can do it all quickly. The only problem is that at the registry office you need to present a certificate of the operation performed. First you cut your body, then you receive documents about it. In America it’s the other way around: first the passport, then the operation. I was forced to go under the knife.
I thought about surgery. I didn’t want to cut myself in Russia for little money, but I wasn’t ready for big and high-quality money in another country. I thought and thought and decided: why not become a rebel? Yes, we refuse to change your passport without surgery. But if suddenly you cannot withstand anesthesia or there are some contraindications, the path to normal life? Forcing people to undergo surgery is a violation of human rights. I searched and found the TransPravo organization.
We did not know about cases of gender reassignment in Russia without surgery, but such examples were found in the UK and elsewhere. I wanted to change gender only on the basis of hormone therapy. For a long time it was not possible to find a hormone specialist who would understand not only the thyroid gland and have necessary knowledge about transgenderism. I found a competent trans-friendly woman in Moscow, I had to go to her several times for one piece of paper. He explained this: I’m already a man and I’m not going anywhere, help me confirm this so as not to create problems for me or the state. She was understanding and issued a certificate with the following content:
“Patient so-and-so has a diagnosis of F64, is on hormonal therapy, as a result of which a hormonal sex change occurred. These changes are irreversible on their own; it is recommended to change the passport gender from female to male. The recommendation is based on the Order of the Ministry of Health No. 311, according to which “the generally accepted radical measure for transsexualism is the psychosocial adaptation of the patient to his conscious gender.” Such adaptation involves a change in hormonal and PASSPORT gender.”
So I highlighted it in capitals: “passport.”
The registry office did not approve the form, we rewrote it twice, then I successfully filed a claim. I was advised to write in the application that the lack of an approved form is not a basis for refusal, that there were precedents for changing documents without surgery in other countries, that I now live as if with a fake passport, and that being forced to undergo surgery is a violation of human rights. I was lucky, the judge was adequate and promised not to ruin my life. If in another city someone wants to change documents without surgery, now they can use my precedent. With the court's decision, I, satisfied, went to the registry office. At the registry office they first gave me a birth certificate, I changed my name and took maiden name mother. Then he changed his name in his passport to a man’s, and then changed it again and changed his patronymic. I don't know mine biological father from the age of three and indicated the name of the person who raised me - the love of my mother’s life. I think that's fair. Then I had to change all the other documents - SNILS, INN, there were no problems with this, people with stacks of papers don’t care. It is more difficult to change the certificate - firstly, you need to wait until July for the general enrollment, and secondly, you need to explain to the school director, they say, remember such a girl - there was no such girl.
I felt like a revolutionary: the first person in Russia to change gender without surgery. The other day it turned out that it was not the first, not everything was so bad, there were still precedents. But those people attracted lawyers and had a long trial. Everything went smoothly for me.
About the military ID
When I changed my passport, I needed a military ID. Unpleasant story. I went to the military registration and enlistment office, the doctor looked at me through his glasses and said: “Well, you probably should make yourself an artificial scrotum...” I wanted to answer him that the scrotum does not define me as a person, but it seemed like he would have sent me to hell for this. I am unfit for service due to my vision, but my category should be determined by the psychological “disease” F64. I wouldn’t want a trace of this to remain in my documents; I don’t want to shake a piece of paper every time that I changed my biological sex. I want to finish this story and forget about everything. Now I'm figuring out what can be done. They say that being transgender is next year may be removed from the list of psychological diseases. I wouldn't want to be labeled as a psycho.
About the absence of a miracle
Many people think that there is one magical moment when you change gender. But this is not the same as dyeing your hair blue. Firstly, you cannot become a man: I have always been a man, and I needed correction of my biological sex. Moreover, the correction is not in the full sense, without an artificial scrotum. Secondly, it turned out that this is a longer process of adaptation of oneself and society in relation to oneself. At first you obsess over your body, then you think that you drank a magic potion and everything will be fine, but this does not happen.
You can't become a man instantly. When you have tried and they begin to regard you as a man, other problems appear: you yourself cease to perceive yourself as a man. It turns out that you don't have a lot of things that the average guy has. I need a normal job. I know what it’s like to earn 70–80 thousand a month or 300 rubles a day, and now I want to earn good money. It’s sad that no matter how much I want, they won’t take me into the army. If I could rewind everything and be born normal, I might go to Navy. I want to function in society as a man - to assert myself. This is not about conforming to stereotypes; the stereotypes of a rude, brutal and redneck man are not for me. This complex issue, which means masculinity. It is not only external, but also social.
About other people's perception
There are three groups of people: adequate, compassionate and inadequate. This is normal human perception: when they show you on TV strange people, you think - they’re crazy, they’re hurting themselves in vain. I really think there should be fewer people like me. You can’t call it wrong, it just exists, like children with cerebral palsy - and I want there to be fewer of them and us. Transgender people are sometimes killed, there is even a day of remembrance. They often face cruelty, even physical violence. Although I have not met anyone who is completely inadequate, more compassionate. They once wrote an article about me, it turned out mediocre, but with great sympathy. I realized that ordinary people they cannot cover this topic. For everyone it seems that this is a choice: I wanted it and changed it. But this is not a choice, it was so right away. I didn't change gender, I've always been a man. You can’t say “when he was a woman,” such people were never women. My mother was impressed by one film after which she accepted me. This is probably the only time when everything was shown beautifully and truthfully in a movie. Of course, we couldn’t do without tear squeezers. Standard plot: an Islamic girl is not understood by her family, it’s hard for her, she suffers and doesn’t understand herself, there is conservatism all around. Mom was imbued with it, called me in tears and said: “Please forgive me, I finally realized your problems.”
I often see m2f, that is, women from male body. They are often exaggeratedly feminine. Society seems to have exaggerated ideas about female sexuality. Maybe I'm just judging by what I saw on YouTube. Some want to live on display, while others, on the contrary, want to hide.
Now I have a problem communicating with men. I really don't like it when men behave unmanly. For example, I had a colleague who was a typical closet from the area. We took care of animals - a low-stress job that didn't require too much paperwork. At the end of the day you need to take out a bucket of dirty water. When I arrived for my shift, the bucket remained in place: my colleague did nothing. Perhaps I have a warped view of a man, but I think he should have been responsible. I do not slander anyone and do not shift my responsibilities. This person is perceived as a man based on external signs - I am outraged by such a discrepancy.
Hemingway has a novel in which the main character's penis is shot off. At first he worries about this, and then he realizes that masculinity lies elsewhere. So I am: I was born with this problem, I brought myself into line with my gender, I create for myself ideas about what is masculine, and I strive for it.
About activism
I am comfortable in my gender, I don’t want to blur the boundaries. Post-gender theory is relevant now - I do not share it. In my opinion, it is stupid to deny that there are women and men. Perhaps I look like a gay man - but so what, at a construction site I carry sacks in an unpretentious manner, spit and throw shit at lazy people. I'm heterosexual, but I can't organize a parade of heterosexuals. I don't want to stand out. I'm not an activist, I don't see any motivation for this. I don't understand who needs this. It seems like I want to, but it’s unclear why. Let activists do what they like, they will help someone. In general, I am one of those people who ran around with spray cans and stencils during the Bolotnaya era and wrote: “Putin is a thief.” Yes, I could have been sued long ago: illegal trafficking of anabolic steroids, forgery of documents, extremism. I called people to a rally, it was important to me. I didn’t participate this year, though.
I don't want to stand out.
I'm not an activist, I don't see any motivation for this
There's this guy at my work whose badge says "Maria." In my opinion, he is in a tight spot, and he is uncomfortable when his colleagues address him by female name. I always want to go up to him and say: “Guy, I have the same problem, maybe I can help you?” This has nothing to do with parades and the fight for your rights. I have knowledge and can give advice. If someone finds himself outside the law and outside traditions, we need to help him integrate. This is what I'm doing.
Photos: Cover, 1 – Ilya Bolshakov, 2 - personal archive hero
