Sister-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship between them. Relationship between daughter-in-law and sister-in-law

A Russian person has a lot of relatives. And each relative has a strange name that requires decoding.

“Father-in-law” is the husband’s father to his daughter-in-law (derived from “mother-in-law”).

“Mother-in-law” used to sound like “the blood of all”, “bring the blood”, the head of the clan, which unites all blood relatives. Another version is “one’s own shelter” (previously in Rus', the bride was brought to her husband’s house, so the in-laws’ house became home).

“Dever” comes from the word “to trust.”

Who else but this man could the young wife entrust with what she considered the most intimate. According to another theory, a relative was called a brother-in-law not because he was trusted, but because, unlike others, he was often shown the door (you are not needed here with your advice, don’t act smart). As an option, the brother-in-law was shown the door after being entrusted with too much.

“Sister-in-law” comes from the word “evil”, so in some regions of Russia it was pronounced as “zlovka”.

This term may be associated with an ancient ritual when ashes were sprinkled on the bride’s head after the wedding (the husband’s sister also participated in this ritual). This word is found in literary works written before the 18th century. The sister was always jealous of her brother’s young wife, and believed that she was doing everything wrong, unscrupulous, so basically the term has a negative meaning.

“Daughter-in-law” means “who knows who.”

This meaning is due to the fact that when taking a girl from someone else’s family or other lands as a wife, the husband’s relatives did not know anything about her (her customs, character, skills), which means they take someone unknown into the house. The etymology of the word is associated with the patroness of the hearth - Vesta, who lived in Ancient Rome.

“Daughter-in-law” is a daughter-in-law, wife of a son, brother-in-law, or an experienced wife who already has children (“to be pregnant”, “to bear”).

The concept of “daughter-in-law” is not just a designation of kinship, but also a certain status. Another option - “daughter-in-law” comes from the word “son” - a son’s wife. But where did the “ha” particle come from? The groom's parents considered their daughters-in-law to be incompetent, so they could either laugh at them or criticize (teach) them. Therefore, the word “daughter-in-law” has a mocking character.

“Father-in-law” comes from the words: “dad”, “father”, “amuse”, “honor”, parent of the wife.

A person who must monitor compliance with all traditions and laws of honor in the family.

“Mother-in-law” has Slavic roots and comes from the words “to console”, “to console”. After the wedding, the mother rarely sees her daughter, so she is amused when she comes. Another option is for the mother-in-law to console small children (grandchildren).

"Brother-in-law" is the wife's brother.

One of the points of view for denoting the word “brother-in-law” is to scold (it turns out he was scolded all the time). Another version is that the word comes from “SHCHUR”. In ancient times, people squinted to protect themselves from the evil eye. The brother-in-law is a friend of the young man who knows a lot, so he squints slyly. The verb “to rustle” was used when knitting brooms, weaving hedges and other products from branches. Therefore, the word “brother-in-law” means connected by family ties (we have brought you into our fold, so we are related).

As soon as society acquired the institution of marriage, a person received a special kind of relationship - non-blood. How to call new relatives - in-laws?

In English, the issue is resolved simply: the formula N-in-law, where N is who this person is related to, husband or wife: mother-in-law (literally “mother in law”) - mother-in-law or mother-in-law, son-in-law - son-in-law... We have a special designation for each in-law. Understanding all this, and even more so remembering, is not easy... but you need to know! And not just to name it correctly new relatives, but also to better understand literary classics - for example, F. Dostoevsky: “Fedora says that Aksinya, her sister-in-law, who comes to us, knows the laundress Nastasya”... what kind of relationship were Aksinya with Fedora?

It's very simple: Fedora was married to Aksinya's brother. And to the question “who is a sister-in-law” the answer is very simple: a sister-in-law is her husband’s sister. And you are your sister-in-law's daughter-in-law.

In ancient times, this word sounded slightly different - “zolva”, only later the suffix -k- “stuck” to it, indicating either neglect or a negative attitude... if this form became commonly used, does it mean that such feelings were constantly expressed?

If we turn to folklore, we will see an unattractive image of a sister-in-law. “It’s better to have four brothers-in-law than one sister-in-law!” - sung in a wedding song. Proverbs with sayings do not lag behind: “Sister-in-law is a beating head, beat the head”, “Sister-in-law’s speeches stand in raptures”, “Sister-in-law is a viper’s head”, “Sister-in-law is cunning in tricks”, and even - “Sister-in-law is worse than mother-in-law” (the murderousness of such a characteristic is understandable any married lady!).

However, the “opposite side” is no better. In the Russian folk song “The Baby Was Coming,” a girl asks her brother to let her spend the night, and my brother would be glad to let her in, but -

The daughter-in-law came out, the villainess came out:

“So that this guest does not come to us often,

I didn’t go often, I didn’t stay for long!”

And the Serbian ballad tells a generally chilling soul story:

Not two oak trees grew side by side,

Two brothers lived together:

One is Pavel, and the other is Radula.

And between them is their sister Elitsa.

The brothers loved their sister with all their hearts,

They showed her every kindness…

Radula's wife is not worried about this state of affairs - she also had loving brothers - but Pavel's wife is haunted by the fact that her husband loves his sister. To quarrel between relatives, she stops at nothing: she kills a horse, blaming it on her sister-in-law, then falcon- and finally kills his own child(!). This time the husband believed his wife and subjected his sister to a terrible execution: she tied her to four horses - and they tore the unfortunate woman apart...

Where does such hatred between sister-in-law and daughter-in-law come from?

To understand this, we will have to travel back to time immemorial, when there was no custom of exogamy - a ban on marriage with a member of one’s own clan, when the clan was still a “thing in itself”, perceiving all strangers as enemies (and not even fully human). How long ago was this? In any case, in the era when Russian epics were taking shape, such a custom (endogamy) was still remembered - even though it already caused disgust:

I will raise a son, I will give my daughter for him;

I’ll raise my daughter and give him away for my son,

So that the Soloveykin family is not transferred, -

The Nightingale the Robber declares to Ilya Muromets.

To give a daughter for a son is, of course, an exaggeration: the ancient family united not only the closest relatives, but also such a “seventh water on jelly” that today even aristocrats do not know such a relationship (so this did not lead to degeneration) - but it was also originally called a brother not only “the son of my parents,” but also any “person of the same kind and generation as me.” In this sense, the most natural - and for the time being the only possible - groom for the girl was her brother.

But now the usual way of life begins to change: instead of marrying sisters - as has been the case for centuries - guys bring girls “from outside” into the family... It’s not hard to imagine what indignation this caused among the “sisters” - “our guys got to other girls!” - and how uncomfortable the young wife felt next to such rivals... So the hatred of the “villainous daughter-in-law,” as well as the machinations of the “beating sister-in-law,” turn out to be the most ordinary female jealousy, which can really become a terrible force...

But that was a long time ago! And perhaps the vicious tradition should be left in the past. Let’s remember Katerina from A. Ostrovsky’s drama “The Thunderstorm”: it turned out to be easier for her to find a common language with her sister-in-law Varvara than with her husband! Of course, you shouldn’t make your sister-in-law an accomplice in adultery, but you can definitely make friends with her. In the end, a woman will always understand a woman! And if you become friends with her, you will learn a lot of interesting things about your spouse - she has known him since childhood, and - unlike her mother-in-law - does not compete with you for his Love.

Mom will always come first in a husband’s heart, and only then his wife. And the strength of the marriage often depends on how the relationship between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law develops. There are often cases when disagreements between women are the cause of family breakdown. In this article we will tell you why mothers-in-law do not like daughters-in-law. We will also look at possible ways to solve the problem. In addition, the article will present advice from psychologists and astrologers.

Money

Why don't mothers-in-law like their daughters-in-law? After such a long-awaited event as marriage, a woman finds not only a husband. Not the last place in a newly formed family should be given to the mother-in-law. And it’s good if mutual understanding and friendship immediately arises between the ladies. But what about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, if a good relationship does not work out? Let's look at common causes of strife.

Money has always occupied an important place in the life of every person. And therefore, if a girl is lower in status than her husband, then we can expect dissatisfaction from her mother-in-law. For example, that a girl married not for love, but for money, an apartment or registration (if the girl is from a small village and the groom is from a large city). And perhaps her husband’s mother is not so sorry for the money as she is worried about how her friends will look at such a union.

If such a situation arises, then you just need to ignore the mother-in-law’s attacks, and for this you will have to stock up on considerable patience. It is best to start building your career yourself, without the help of your husband.

Some people advise giving birth to a child in order to switch the mother-in-law’s attention to him. But this is not always the way out. If a mother has a strong influence on her husband and never accepts her daughter-in-law, then in the future you can lose not only your husband, but also your child.

Or she may begin to take out her negativity on the baby. In this case, the question will sound different: “Why don’t mother-in-law like their daughter-in-law and grandchildren?” It is better not to rush to have children until an approach to your spouse’s mother is found.

Other nationality

The reason for the mother-in-law's hostility may be that the daughter-in-law is of a different nationality. Often women are ready to adamantly honor family traditions and go to any lengths to create a rift between the young couple. And even more so, they will try to do everything so that there is no mixing of blood and no child is born.

Then what to do if the mother-in-law does not like her daughter-in-law because of her nationality? Here you can fight back only through joint efforts with your husband. If possible, it is better to go to another city, since mutual love is unlikely to arise. But such a mother-in-law will be able to spoil a girl’s nerves.

Jealousy

Of course, the most obvious reason why mothers-in-law do not like their daughters-in-law is jealousy. It is especially pronounced if the son is the only child in the family. And even more so if the mother-in-law is left without a husband. The mother does not want to share her son's love with anyone else. She is afraid of losing his attention and wants to remain in first place for him. This may manifest itself in the fact that the mother-in-law will call her son to her with or without reason (she is sick, she needs to move a closet, or she is simply really bored).

In this case, it is better for the daughter-in-law not to try to take the mother’s place in the heart of her husband. Do not interfere with the mother-in-law’s communication with her son, and sometimes it is even better to let them see each other alone. Join their family gradually. It’s great if the firstborn is a boy. Then the mother-in-law will switch her love and attention to her grandson. Don’t forget to spend all the big holidays with her. Asking your mother-in-law for advice about your husband (for example, what to buy him for his birthday, how to cook his favorite dish), doing things together and doing things together will help you get closer.

Mother took the position of head

When living together, disagreements may arise due to the fact that the husband's mother will occupy the position of head and will not allow the daughter-in-law to make independent decisions in household matters. There are even a number of quotes about a mother-in-law who does not love her daughter-in-law.

There should not be two mistresses in a house.

Love for your husband's mother must be measured in kilometers.

An annoying mother-in-law and half the city will not be an obstacle.

Usually the way out of the situation is simple - you need to move away from your mother-in-law. If it is not possible to buy an apartment, then you can rent it. If you stay at a distance from each other and do not encroach on the territory of your husband’s mother, she may calm down and even perhaps try to establish normal family relationships. It often happens that the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law got along well with each other, but as soon as they moved in together, scandals began.

Fight for love

A mother-in-law's dislike may arise as a result of a struggle over who loves the man more. She can pamper him with his favorite pastries, buy him his favorite perfume. She will try by hook or by crook to prove that she is better than her daughter-in-law.

In this case, you need to always be one step ahead of your mother-in-law. Anticipate her actions, but you need to act correctly. You shouldn’t beat her to it with a better gift or a delicious cooked dish. On the contrary, you need to show interest in where she bought it, how it is prepared, maybe she needs help, or together prepare a surprise for her husband.

Different views on raising children

Quarrels can also arise due to different views on raising children. The grandmother can either pamper the baby or be too strict with him. Raise him according to the same principles that he raised his son.

In order for the mother-in-law to love her daughter-in-law like a daughter, she must be allowed to take part in raising the children. There is no need to make scandals that children are completely different now and her methods are outdated. On the contrary, ask her for advice or gently make it clear what she is doing wrong. For example, a grandmother wraps her baby up tightly for a walk in warm autumn weather. There is no need to remove everything unnecessary with shouts. It is better, when going outside, to persuade her to dress as warmly as she wrapped the child. Having already felt on the street that she was hot, and therefore the child, she would agree that her daughter-in-law was right.

The harmful nature of the mother-in-law

The cause of disagreements is often simply the bad and harmful character of the mother-in-law. If she didn’t like her daughter-in-law and followed the principle (she wants to survive the girl from the family), then she will try to achieve her goal by any means.

Here again there will be only one way out - to go as far as possible from such a mother-in-law and see her on holidays, and then only if she does not try to spoil them. Since it is almost impossible to change an adult.

Mother-in-law considers her husband a child

Mothers-in-law often treat their sons like little children; in their eyes, they will never grow up. Therefore, the daughter-in-law is often seen by the mother as an obstacle. She is afraid that the girl might offend her child and hurt him. Poorly fed or not treated during illness.

You can find and even make friends with such a mother-in-law. Since one man is dear to both women, although they love him with different loves. When her son is sick, she needs to ask her for advice, ask her to help look after him. Or when her son is very tired at work, ask for help organizing a quiet rest in nature.

Another daughter-in-law

The mother-in-law has already found a daughter-in-law for her son. And he doesn’t want to see another girl in her place. She can specifically point out her wife’s shortcomings in front of her son and say that the girl she introduced him to would not have allowed this. And do this on any appropriate occasion.

Here you can try to please your mother-in-law, trying to correct your shortcomings. But we must remember that the girl did not marry his mother. And maybe it was her shortcomings that attracted her husband (according to her mother-in-law), and having eradicated them, she might become uninteresting to him. The best way out is patience; you just need to ignore the comments. Over time, the mother-in-law will calm down and accept the girl. And grandchildren will only speed up the process of reconciliation.

Resentment towards your mother-in-law

The reason for the mother-in-law’s hostility towards her daughter-in-law may also be the fact that she herself was poorly received by her husband’s mother in her youth and was offended in every possible way. She may simply be throwing out all the resentment that has accumulated over the years. Or maybe she just decided to take over her daughter-in-law in the same way as her mother-in-law did.

Everything is simple here, you need to remind your mother-in-law of her youth. So that she can now take the place of her daughter-in-law. Perhaps she will then not make the mistakes that her husband’s mother made. Usually it is not difficult to find a common language with such women. And having remembered all the grievances over a cup of tea, she will not allow everything to happen again.

Age difference

It also happens that there is a big age difference between her son and her chosen one (in either direction). How to improve relations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in this case? If the daughter-in-law is younger, then she will most likely leave her son for a young man or cheat. If a girl is older than her son, then she is also not a match. This means that there will be no grandchildren, she will soon grow old, and her son will ruin his youth while caring for her.

You can still try to convince your mother-in-law of the sincerity of your feelings at first. Showing his love for her son and respect for her. But if this does not produce results, then there is no other choice but to move further from the mother-in-law.

Husband's complaints

It often happens that mothers-in-law who do not like their daughters-in-law have, one might say, earned their dislike because of their husband’s complaints. For example, the couple had a fight over a trifle (the woman was late at work, she was just in a bad mood), and the husband immediately ran to complain to his mother. Based on these complaints, the mother-in-law will build her opinion about her daughter-in-law.

The conclusion suggests itself. Of course, you can talk to your husband and make it clear that everything that happens in the family is only their problem and they need to solve it themselves. But if this does not produce results, then it is better to part with such a husband. Let him live with his ideal mother.

An immediately ideal relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is not so common. If there is no hostility, then initially there is ordinary neutrality. The mother-in-law's love still needs to be won. And if disagreements occur, then you need to use your feminine wisdom and cunning and win the favor of your mother-in-law.

The very first thing to consider when joining someone else's family: you cannot openly condemn your husband in the presence of his mother or her friends. It is better to solve all problems that arise in private without prying eyes.

Remember that a mother will always see a child in her son, even when he is well over 40. Do not relegate the mother to the background. After all, you can often judge a man only by assessing how he treats his mother. Then you can safely say whether he can offend a woman or whether behind his back you can feel like behind a stone wall.

You should definitely listen to your mother-in-law’s advice, even if they are not useful in life or you decide to do things your own way, you should at least listen. Women love to be listened to, and the husband's mother is no exception.

Don’t complain to your spouse about his mother; men don’t like this, and they can unconsciously convey their daughter-in-law’s dissatisfaction to the mother-in-law. This can cause discord in relationships between women.

Sometimes women quarrel because they have no children. If the mother-in-law does not love her daughter-in-law, then the girl, of course, consciously does not give birth to grandchildren or does not allow them to see their grandmother. This is a kind of protest and it is grandchildren who most often bring women together. Grandmothers sit with them when a woman needs to go away. And mothers-in-law simply love to pamper their children, especially since the blood of her beloved son flows in them, and therefore hers.

Rules for approaching

Important rules that will help you get closer to your mother-in-law:

show your husband’s mother that she is respected and her opinion is valued;
avoid quarrels with mother-in-law;
do not tell your husband what you don’t like about his mother, and do not describe what irritates you about her;
in the presence of your husband, ask his mother for advice, this will strengthen the love of the husband and his mother, here it is important not to go too far, make requests infrequently and to the point;
do not discuss your mother-in-law among people who can pass everything on to her or her son;
find a middle ground in communication: no longer a friend, but not yet a close relative;
live separately from mother-in-law.

So why don't mothers-in-law like their daughters-in-law? In reviews, people write that often these are two women with the same characters (both owners). Or the young girl simply does not yet know how to build the right relationship with her new relative. The above rules will help to avoid disagreements.

How can you understand that the mother-in-law does not love her daughter-in-law, even without even knowing her? In this case, a horoscope comes to the rescue. You should find out who your future relative is by zodiac sign. Date of birth can tell a lot about a person. And knowing the exemplary character of the second mother, you can be prepared for surprises in her behavior.

Aries. These are women with a difficult character. They are too emotional. And in a fit of anger they can say unnecessary things. They fight for the love of their child. And if she hears something bad about her son from the lips of her daughter-in-law, then war will be declared for life. Her weakness: women love sleep and peace.
Taurus. They can be called the ideal option for mother-in-law. They are quite patient and rarely show their feelings. And if the husband commits a crime, the mother-in-law will help correct the situation and save the family. It is easy to find an approach to it. Respect her, love her son and listen to advice.
Twins. This type of women can be called natural-born mothers-in-law. They love communication and work very much. Although they like to pretend to be serious women. By learning to listen to your mother-in-law and giving her the opportunity to cry into her vest, you can win her trust forever.
Cancers. These are owners and practical people. Daughters-in-law are rarely treated with hostility; they see them as free servants who will watch over her son. And besides, they give birth to grandchildren, whom they love to the point of oblivion. This is their weak point.
Lions. These are kind of queens. They love to be obeyed. If you show your mother-in-law your respect and have intimate conversations more often, then you can become good friends with her. And if she is also the first to know about the imminent appearance of a grandson or granddaughter, then her heart will be won. But this type of woman cannot tolerate criticism. Therefore, it is better not to make such mistakes.
Virgos. These are most often boring and touchy women, with their own quirks. But it’s easy to find a common language with them. You need to be patient so as not to pay attention to their antics. They love to be praised, but do not accept help. They love cleanliness in the house. So, to avoid conflicts, you need to keep your apartment in order.
Scales. They easily accept their daughters-in-law and can even adapt to their quirks. But this type of woman is insidious in that she takes all the dirt out of the hut. Therefore, you should not have too frank conversations with her.
Scorpios. The most dangerous type of mother-in-law. Can humiliate and offend in the presence of strangers and her husband. He won't let his son out from under his wing. It is better to avoid such mothers-in-law or live further away from them.
Sagittarius. Not a bad option for a mother-in-law. She is most often self-sufficient and loves work. He will accept his daughter-in-law if he sees her love for her son and the prosperity in the family. But she will not tolerate living together with her daughter-in-law.
Capricorns. They can help a young family on their own, but financial help cannot be expected from them. If necessary, he will always help with practical advice. You can trust her, the information received will not leave the walls of the house. If a quarrel arises, she will not be the first to reconcile. Usually he doesn’t interfere with his son’s family life, although he loves him very much.
Aquarius. In order to avoid quarrels with your mother-in-law, you need to have a lot of patience. Their opinions often change and they like to teach wisely. These are excellent grandmothers, and with the help of their grandchildren you can find an approach to them.
Fish. Why don't they like Pisces mother-in-laws? These ladies can sense people a mile away and are difficult to deceive. But if a woman likes a girl, then there will be an idyll in the family. She will not interfere in the family life of the young. And she will be the best grandmother, who will not spoil her grandchildren too much, but will give them the necessary and useful information in doses.

Conclusion

Sometimes it’s not difficult to understand that a mother-in-law doesn’t love her daughter-in-law. Although some zodiac signs may not show this in person. But they will not be able to hide their hostility. If a girl is well prepared for future family life, and she has studied the psychology of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, then, most likely, she will be able to find an approach even to the most “fierce” mother-in-law. The most important thing is to live separately, even an ideal relationship can collapse if the mother-in-law lives with a young couple together.

Husband (spouse)- a man in relation to the woman he is married to
Wife (spouse)- a woman in relation to the man she is married to. Married woman.
Father-in-law- wife's father
Mother-in-law- wife's mother
father-in-law- husband's father
Mother in law- husband's mother
brother-in-law- Brother husband
Brother-in-law- brother-in-law
Sister-in-law- husband's sister
Brother-in-law- sister-in-law's husband
sister-in-law- wife's sister
Son-in-law- daughter's husband, sister's husband, sister-in-law's husband
Daughter-in-law- a brother’s wife, a son’s wife for his mother, one brother’s wife in relation to another brother’s wife; also used instead of daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, sister-in-law
Daughter-in-law- son's wife in relation to father
Matchmaker- the father of one of the spouses in relation to the parents of the other
Matchmaking- the mother of one of the spouses in relation to the parents of the other
Grandfather (grandfather)- father of father or mother.
Grandmother (grandmother)- mother's or father's mother.
great uncle- father's or mother's uncle.
Great-aunt- father's or mother's aunt.
Grandson, granddaughter)- son (daughter) of a daughter or son in relation to a grandfather or grandmother. Accordingly, a cousin’s grandson (granddaughter) is the son (daughter) of a nephew or niece.
Great-nephew (niece)- grandson (granddaughter) of a brother or sister.
Uncle (uncle, uncle)- brother of father or mother, husband of aunt.
Auntie (auntie, auntie)- sister of father or mother in relation to nephews. An uncle's wife in relation to his nephews.
Nephew niece)- son (daughter) of a brother or sister (siblings, cousins, second cousins). Accordingly, the child of a cousin (sister) is a cousin nephew, and a child of a second cousin (sister) is a second cousin.
Fraternal (brother, sister)- having a common mother.
Half-blooded (brother, sister)- having a common father, but different mothers.
Stepbrothers (brother, sister)- being a brother (sister) by stepfather or stepmother.
Cousin- the son of his own uncle or aunt.
Cousin- daughter of a native uncle or native aunt.
Second cousin- son of a great uncle or great aunt.
Second cousin- daughter of a great uncle or great aunt.
Godfather, godfather- godfather and mother in relation to the godson's parents and to each other.
Stepfather- the mother’s husband in relation to her children from another marriage, stepfather.
Stepmother- the father’s wife in relation to his children from another marriage, step-mother.
Stepson- a step-son of one of the spouses who is related to the other spouse.
Stepdaughter- a stepdaughter of one of the spouses who becomes the natural daughter of the other spouse.
Adoptive father (mother)- adopted, adopted someone.
Adopted son (daughter)- adopted, adopted by someone.
Adoptive son-in-law (primak)- a son-in-law adopted into the wife's family, living in the wife's house.
Widower- a man whose wife died.
Widow- a woman whose husband died.
Twin Cities- brothers, mostly cousins, friends who happened to help each other out in difficult times.