Evaluative conversations (interviews) with working employees are just beginning to become part of HR’s arsenal. In this regard, each company, through trial and error, is trying to develop its own unique approach to this new type of personnel assessment. Today, Ruslan MANSUROV, Candidate of Economic Sciences, Deputy General Director for Personnel Management of Nefis-Cosmetics OJSC (Kazan), shares practical experience in conducting assessment conversations.
The entire history of mankind is a history of conflicts. Some consider them to be a clearly negative phenomenon, while others consider them to be a completely natural and even somewhat positive factor that gives impetus to development. In any case, an HR specialist cannot afford to be a silent witness to the turmoil occurring in the organization. As a manager, he must be able to analyze and manage them and, of course, teach line managers to keep the situation under control.
HR Dictionary
Conflict(from lat. conflictus collision) - a contradiction that arises between people in the process of communication or teams in the process of their joint work activity due to misunderstanding or opposing interests, lack of agreement between two or more parties.
Organizational conflict- a conflict that arises within one organization.
What, what, what are these conflicts made of?
Conflicts have more destructive consequences for an organization than may seem at first glance. The opinion that participants in conflicts pay less attention to the quality of performance of their work responsibilities has long been known and confirmed by numerous psychological studies. And after a conflict, opponents often fail to get back into the same working rhythm and work with the same productivity.
There are many typologies of conflicts in organizations. The main ones are presented in the diagrams on pages 87-89. However, in any case, the immediate manager of the employees and HR plays an important role in resolving a controversial situation. But to understand the essence of organizational conflicts and, most importantly, to be able to resolve them constructively, you need to understand what the role of the leader in the conflict is. What role does he take on? Does he allow himself to be drawn into conflict or does he try to resolve the situation?
A lot has been written about the nature of conflicts in organizations. We will not now repeat what you have probably already read. Let's focus on techniques that can help us in diagnosing, preventing and resolving conflicts, namely the method of transactional analysis*.
Who are you?
We have already written about I-states**. Let us remember that the I-state is a behavioral stereotype. Let's look at everything I-states: “Parent”, “Child”, “Adult”. What do they mean?
"Parent"- this is a state in which the information we received in childhood from parents and other authority figures is reflected, these are instructions, teachings, rules of conduct, social norms, prohibitions. Everything that determines how one should and how one should not behave in a given situation. In the Parent state, we can exhibit critical or nurturing behavior. The “parent” in a critical state manifests itself as a set of established strict rules (usually prohibitive), which may or may not coincide with the rules that the given individual has established for himself. The critical “Parent” keeps within itself certain commandments, prohibitions, norms, traditions, and prejudices. In this state, a person teaches, guides, evaluates, prohibits, draws boundaries, understands everything, has no doubts, looks for the culprit, ironizes, is responsible for everything and demands for everything. He uses language such as “You must”, “This cannot be done”, “You must do this”, “Stop this immediately”, etc. A caring “Parent” is also expressed through the manifestation of such qualities as warmth, encouragement, willingness to help , sympathy: “Don’t be foolish”, “Good job”, “Don’t rack your brains”, “I can understand you”, etc.
"Child"- this is an impulsive, uncontrollable principle in a person. On the one hand, it is gullibility, tenderness, spontaneity, curiosity, creative passion, and ingenuity. On the other hand, reluctance to make decisions, immaturity and other qualities that are not very positive for an adult. I-state “Child” is precisely the voice of the child living in us. In this state, we act under the influence of feelings, habits and behavior patterns inherent in our childhood. Children are able to go beyond social conventions (unlike the “Parent” position) and do not like to waste time on comprehensive logical justifications (unlike the “Adult” position). In this state, reactions characteristic of childhood appear: people obey, feel guilty or helpless, withdraw into themselves, demand approval, take offense at someone, fear something, and place increased demands on themselves. The “child” uses expressions such as “I’ll try”, “Why always me?”, “I can’t do it”, “I’m afraid”, “I would like to”. In this state, a person tries to do what he thinks is expected of him. Or he goes into a rebellious state, protests against stronger and more authoritative people, is capricious, willful, rude, disobedient and aggressive: “I don’t want this,” “Leave me alone.”
"Adult"- a state in which a person is able to objectively assess reality in accordance with information obtained as a result of his own experience, and on the basis of this makes independent, situation-appropriate decisions. The “Adult” state is distinguished by behavior, feelings, and habits that are characteristic of an adult person and that best correspond to reality. In the “Adult” state, a person can adapt, be reasonable, build objective relationships with the outside world on the basis of independent real experience. In this state, a person thinks soberly, carefully weighs, logically analyzes all his own and other people’s actions, actions, events, is free from prejudice, does not give in to reasoning, openly asks questions, and can share responsibility between himself and others. His questions begin with the words “How?”, “What?”, “When?”, “Why?”, “Who?”, “Where?”. In utterances from this state, a person uses words such as “maybe,” “probably,” “comparatively,” “in my opinion,” “I think,” “believe,” “in my experience,” “I will,” and etc. He chooses the simplest and most convincing solutions and tries to avoid negligence and carelessness. The “Adult” knows how to be independent from the prejudices of the “Parent” and the primitive impulses of the “Child”.
Psychology to the rescue
So, we figured out the I-states. How can this help us learn to manage conflict? First, let’s determine from which state communication will occur most effectively. Of course, this is the “Adult” state. It will help us develop, accept any relationship, prevent or constructively resolve conflict.
Now we will try to learn to identify from the standpoint of what I-state communication occurs. For example, situation 1. The manager asks the subordinate: “Why didn’t you fulfill the plan again this month?” In this matter, the manager from the “Parent” state gives an assessment and expresses dissatisfaction with the subordinate. At the same time, he turns to the “Child” living in the subordinate (this communication is indicated in diagram 1 by a white vector). If the manager asks the subordinate: “What is the reason for the failure to fulfill the plan this month?”, then in this case he communicates based on the state of the “Adult” to the “Adult” of the subordinate (in diagram 1, the vector is indicated by a dotted line). If the phrase sounds: “Well, what am I going to tell the higher management now about the fact that you are not fulfilling the plan?”, then the manager from the position of the “Child” transmits information to the subordinate, referring to his Parental state (in diagram 1, orange vector) .
As soon as we learn to recognize from what state the interlocutor is addressing us, we will gain control over the situation, since we will be able not only to “read between the lines,” but also to control our reaction, and therefore influence what happens.
Transactions(units of communication) are of two types: simple(complementary and intersecting) and complex (hidden)(when a person in form refers to one state, but in essence to another). Let's take a closer look at the simple version of communication.
Main Feature additional transactions is that communication between people will proceed smoothly and indefinitely until they cross paths. This is possible if communication meets the expectations of both parties. At the same time, of course, they are influenced by the I-state in which communication occurs. For example, a manager turns to a subordinate: “Let’s constructively discuss the reasons for your failure to complete your assigned tasks in a timely manner” (“Adult” state). Reaction of the subordinate: “There are a number of objective reasons, and they are as follows...” (reaction from the “Adult” state). Such interaction is aimed at constructive discussion of the problem and does not develop into conflict (Diagram 2).
Intersecting transactions arise when a question from one side is followed by an unexpected reaction. This option is the basis of most conflicts. For example, a person speaks from the position of an “Adult” and expects the same response: “Have you seen where my report is?” If a person answers from the position of an “Adult”, then he can answer: “It is on my table.” However, the interlocutor may flare up: “I’m always to blame for everything!” (Children's version) or “Look for them where you put them!” (Parent version). After this, communication stops, and a positional struggle begins, which lasts until communication returns to a constructive direction. To restore contact, one interlocutor or both in a pair needs to change their I-state.
Technique "Dissonance"
So, let’s look at examples of how you can resolve a possible conflict using the “Dissonance” technique. It consists of two steps. Step 1 we turn from the position to which the interlocutor addresses the question to the position in which he is, and immediately step 2 from the position of the “Adult” we turn to the “Adult” state of the opponent.
Example
Manager: “Until when will the vacancy of chief accountant be open?” (referring to the “Child” state).
Recruiter: “You’re right, I should have closed it two weeks ago...” (step 1 expected reaction, that is, turning to the “Parent” state in response from the imaginary “Child” state) “...let’s analyze those together factors that interfere with filling a vacancy and what we can do in this situation to change it” (step 2, the recruiter moves from the “Child” state to the “Adult” state and turns to the “Adult” state of the manager (Diagram 3).
Example
First employee: “This job can be done in five minutes, maybe you’re not competent enough to do it?” (“Parent” refers to the colleague’s “Child” state).
Second employee: “Yes, the situation is unpleasant” (step 1 from the supposedly “Children’s” state there is a reaction to the “Parental” state of a colleague), “High-quality and professionally performed work requires a certain amount of time for the preparatory stage and its immediate implementation. Consequently, I am focused on high-quality task performance” (step 2, the second employee leaves the “Children’s” state to the “Adult” state and directs his reaction to the “Adult” state of the first employee).
The use of transactional analysis techniques allows you to reduce the number of conflict situations. An HR specialist, based on the situation, can address different states of the conflicting parties, while always having within himself the state of an “Adult”. It is also very important that similar work is carried out by department heads, since a personnel specialist cannot prevent and solve all problems that arise in the team. It is the immediate supervisor who must do this work.
So, we understand that conflict management is a conscious activity. The main thing is not to let the conflict take its course, but it is advisable to prevent it.
* For more information about transactional analysis, see No. 1, 2007.
** “Games HR Play,” No. 1, 2008.
A person’s biological age is not as important as his mental state. American psychologist E. Berne identified three I-states in which every person occurs from time to time: Parent, Child or Adult.
The twentieth century gave the world many outstanding people. One of them is the American psychologist and psychiatrist Eric Berne (1910-1970), the creator of transactional analysis. His theory has become a separate popular trend in psychology, incorporating the ideas of psychoanalysis, behaviorism, and cognitive psychology.
E. Berne presented the theory of transactional analysis in a language accessible to readers in several works. Many of them have been translated into Russian and have remained bestsellers for more than half a century. His most famous books are: “Games People Play”, “People Who Play Games”, “Beyond Games and Scripts”.
And in the book “Transactional analysis in psychotherapy. Systemic Individual and Social Psychiatry” contains the entire coherent theory of E. Bern, and not only its main blocks, developed in subsequent publications - analysis of games and scenarios - but also aspects that the author does not set out in his other books.
In a practical sense, transactional analysis is a system for correcting the behavior of individuals, couples and small groups. After familiarizing yourself with the works of E. Bern and adopting his concept, you can independently adjust your behavior so as to improve relationships with the people around you and yourself.
The central concept of the theory is transaction- the act of interaction between two individuals entering into communication, the basis of interpersonal relationships.
It is difficult to literally translate the word “transaction” from English, but in terms of its meaning it is most often interpreted as “interaction”, although transaction– this is not the entire interaction, but only its element, a unit of communication. Human interactions consist of many transactions.
A transaction includes a stimulus and a response. One person says something (stimulus), and the second person responds something (response).
A simple transaction example:
- Can I help you? (stimulus)
- No, thank you, I'll do it myself. (reaction)
If interaction were based only on the “stimulus-response” scheme, there would not be such a variety of human relationships. Why does a person behave differently with different people and reveal himself in a special way in his interactions?
The fact is that when communicating, one individual comes into contact with another person as a person with a person, or more precisely, some part of his personality with a part of the personality of another person.
Self-state theory
E. Berne defined the personality structure as a composition of its three components or parts - I-states(Ego states).
Parent
All the norms, rules, prohibitions, prejudices and morals that a person learned in childhood from parents and other significant adults add up to what is called the “inner voice” or “voice of conscience.” When conscience awakens, the inner Parent awakens.
Most people know what it means to be a parent, to care for, care for and raise a child. In the Parent ego state, a person strives to manage, control, lead. His position in communication is condescending or contemptuous, he is categorical, emotional, uses life experience and wisdom, loves to teach, instruct, and moralize.
E. Berne divided this Self-state into the Helping Parent, who mainly provides support and care, and the Critical Parent, who scolds and blames.
Child
Every person was a child and in adulthood sometimes happens to return to a childish style of behavior. The child behaves naturally, naively, spontaneously, he fools around, enjoys life, adapts and rebels. In the position of a Child, a person often thoughtlessly follows his own desires and needs.
In the relationship between Child and Parent, the Child depends on the Parent, obeys him, shows his weakness, lack of independence, shifts responsibility, is capricious, and so on.
A child “wakes up” in a mature person when he is creative, looks for creative ideas, spontaneously expresses emotions, plays and has fun. The Child's position is a source of spontaneity and sexuality.
The Child’s behavior, posture, facial expressions and gestures are not contrived, but lively and active; they express true feelings and experiences. The Man-Child will easily cry, laugh, lower his head if he feels guilty, pout his lips if he is offended, and so on. His speech is rich and expressive, filled with questions and exclamations.
Adult
The Adult I-state is called upon to regulate and adapt the impulses of the Child and Parent in order to maintain mental balance. This is a state of balance, calm, restraint. When solving a problem, an Adult will consider it from all sides, analyze it, draw conclusions, make a forecast, draw up an action plan and implement it. He communicates not from a position “above” as a Parent or “from below” as a Child, but on an equal basis, as a partner. An adult is confident in himself, speaks calmly, coldly and only to the point. He differs from the Parent in his dispassion, insensibility and emotionlessness.
Each of the three ego states can be defined as a strategy for influencing another person. The child manipulates, taking the position “I want!”, The parent – “I must!”, The adult – combining “I want” and “I must”.
For example, in a married couple where the husband occupies the position of Parent, the wife can consciously manipulate him by taking the position of Child. She knows that she only has to cry for her husband to do everything she wants.
If the I-states of two people complement each other, that is, the transactional stimulus entails an appropriate and natural reaction, communication will go smoothly and last a very long time. Otherwise, misunderstandings, misunderstandings, quarrels, conflicts and other communication problems arise.
For example, Adult-Adult or Parent-Child communication will go smoothly. If the first interlocutor addresses the second from the position of an Adult and expects that he is also an Adult, but receives a Child’s response, difficulties may arise.
For example:
- We're late, we need to hurry up. (Adult to Adult)
- This is all because you are disorganized! (Parent to Child)
There are much more complex and confusing transactions. For example, when communication occurs at the verbal level at the Adult-Adult level, and at the non-verbal level Adult-
Child. If the phrase “I don’t agree with you,” characteristic of an Adult, is pronounced with offense, this is the position of a Child.
Transactional analysis begins with the designation of the I-states of the participants in the interaction. This is necessary in order to determine the nature of relationships and the influence of people on each other.
Each self-state has both a positive and a negative aspect. It’s good when a person knows how to combine all these three positions: to be a cheerful Child, a caring Parent, and a reasonable Adult.
What self-state do you notice in yourself most often?
Often at trainings we ask participants the question: “What is the difference between an adult and a child?” As a rule, we come to the answer: responsibility.
Child's position
Indeed, the position of a child is the position of a person who is not fully responsible for his life.
When we say that the reason for our bad mood is
it's the weather
we are upset
the boss shouted
we feel guilty
Once again we were late due to traffic jams.
All these are examples of “childish” behavior characteristic of the Child’s position.
When something doesn’t work out for us, when we again put things off until better times, when we say “well, I don’t know...” or “I’ll try...” - all this comes from this role. And there is nothing wrong with it: we are all familiar with it.
It is important to simply not get carried away with this role. Because if we are constantly in this hypostasis, those around us have no choice but to take the position of a Parent in relation to us.
Who is a Parent?
First of all, it is a supervisory body involved in the education of a younger comrade. He always knows how to keep a child occupied, what instructions to give him, what to teach. And, importantly, he always has critical remarks ready.
Remember your childhood: most likely, your mom or dad (or even both) often gave you homework assignments, checked that you completed tasks correctly, checked whether your briefcase was packed, and so on.
Personally, in my childhood, the following items on the “parental menu” were always ready: was the floor washed, were the dishes clean. And what depressed me most was checking my violin homework.
My musical exercises were regulated by time, after which I had to play a “control time”. Sometimes there were several of these control times, because the test was not passed the first time.
What are the consequences of a child not completing a task or completing it poorly? As a rule - punishment, deprivation of something. TV (now a computer), festivities, some gifts, and so on.
What’s interesting is that as we grow up, we still end up in these two positions from time to time.
Wives control their husbands (what they ate, where the money is, why they didn’t come home on time from work) - and thereby become involved in the role of Parent. Husbands, making excuses, fall into the role of the Child. They make stashes and don’t tell the whole truth.
Consequences: the mother has one more child in her family. And if everyone is happy with this, then such a family has excellent chances for a long existence. Sometimes it happens the other way around: instead of husband and wife, “father” and “daughter” live under the same roof.
Adult Position
A fundamentally different position is the position of an Adult.
This is when we are on equal terms, this is when there is trust, this is when we are responsible for our lives and for our contribution to the relationship. In this role, we do not get involved in other people's problems and do not solve them instead of another (like a Parent). We don’t complain ourselves and don’t savor the details of someone else’s “unhappy life, because there are only idiots around” (like the Child).
Here we see reality as it is. And if we are not happy with something, we correct it. Only an Adult can be next to an Adult. This is possible only when the Child has become responsible and when the Parent has turned off total control.
Therefore, choose. Decide what role you want to play in your relationships with people close to you.
The first step is to identify an existing position. And if you are not satisfied with it, change it (this will be the second step). And remember: there is always a place for play in life! Don't always take things too seriously.
Adults can even play pranks!
Summary: Modern methods of raising and developing children. Eric Berne's transactional analysis and the art of developing communication with children. E. Bern's theory of ego states.
Parent, Adult, Child. And all this - I myself!
Let us introduce you, the reader, to the elements of transactional analysis, developed by the American psychotherapist Eric Berne. It is no coincidence that Berne's works are now receiving a lot of attention. Many provisions of modern child psychology in the field of raising children can be implemented based on Berne's ideas.
Let us consider these ideas as a tool for the development and practical implementation of “Psychology of Education”, the semantic center of which is not so much correction as personality development.
We chose transactional analysis (TA) for the following reasons:
1. This direction offers a coherent and easily digestible model of interpersonal interaction, based on a simple (but not simplified) model of personal structure.
2. TA implements the principle of dosed complexity: the model works even with the most basic acquaintance with the theory; The practical use of TA is accompanied by in-depth mastery of the theory, which opens up new possibilities for its application.
3. The features of TA are its broad scope and flexibility, the possibility of application to such various areas of work with people as pastoral work and management. Unlike many other theoretical models, TA allows any practitioner to develop an individual system suitable for the specific requirements of his field. Such an application to the field of preschool education is proposed.
4. Finally, it is important that the brilliant texts of E. Bern (as well as some of his followers) have already become widespread in our country, which facilitates the task of mastering this theory and introducing it into the practice of education.
As for socio-psychological training (SPT), its effectiveness in training teaching staff is generally recognized.
A brief overview of transactional analysis theory.
TA is rich in theoretical concepts developed within its framework. We consider the following to be the most important for the training of teachers: structural analysis (analysis of personality from the standpoint of three ego states), transactional analysis itself (analysis of interpersonal interaction), analysis of parental programming (instructions, directives and children's decisions) and the manifestation of early programming in human life ( life positions, racketeering, games).
Structural analysis.
E. Berne's theory of ego states is based on three elementary principles.
Every person was once a child.
- Each person had parents or rearing adults who replaced them.
- Every person with a healthy brain is able to adequately assess the surrounding reality.
From these provisions follows the idea of a person’s personality, which contains three components, three special functional structures - ego states: Child, Parent and Adult.
In TA, it is customary to denote ego states in capital letters, distinguishing them from real people: adults, parents and children.
Ego state Child- these are preserved (recorded) experiences of the past, mainly childhood (hence the name “Child”). The term “fixation” has a broader meaning in TA than in psychoanalysis: it is not only, or rather, not so much a defense mechanism, but a mechanism for capturing a person’s state associated with strong affective experiences, capturing a person’s state in a situation that is especially significant for him.
So, a Child is the feelings, behavior and thoughts of a person that he had before, in childhood. This ego state is characterized by intense emotions, both freely expressed and repressed, experienced internally. Therefore, we talk about two types of Child ego-state - the Natural, or Free, Child and the Adapted Child.
The Natural Child is a state of being spontaneous, creative, playful, independent and self-indulgent. It is characterized by a natural release of energy, natural self-expression, spontaneity of impulses, impulsiveness, the search for adventure, acute experiences, and risk. A special characteristic of this form of the Child is intuition and the art of manipulating other people. Sometimes this form of behavior is isolated into a special entity called the Little Professor.
The influence of parenting adults who limit the child’s self-expression and introduce the child’s behavior into the framework of social requirements shapes Adapted Child. This kind of adaptation can lead to the loss of the ability to have internally reliable feelings, manifestations of curiosity, the ability to experience and evoke love, to the replacement of a person’s own feelings and thoughts with the feelings and thoughts expected from him. This may be the complete acceptance of parental instructions and the implementation of prescribed behavior and prescribed feelings (Submissive, Yielding Child).
This form of behavior is associated with the desire to appease and please others and feelings of fear, guilt and shame. This can also be withdrawal into oneself, alienation (Evading, Alienated Child). This form of behavior is associated with a state of shyness - the desire to isolate oneself from other people, to put up a barrier or façade in front of others; This is a feeling of resentment and annoyance.
Finally, it may be rebellion, open opposition to parental orders (Rebellious Child). This form of behavior is expressed in negativism, rejection of any rules and norms, feelings of anger and indignation. In all its variations, the Adapted Child functions in response to the influence of the inner Parent. The framework introduced by the Parent is imposed, is not always rational and often interferes with normal functioning.
Ego state Parent- significant other people stored inside us, inside our psyche. Parents are the most significant for most people, hence the name of this ego state. Moreover, the Parent ego-state “contains” not just memories, images of significant others, these are, as it were, other people embedded in us with their own voice, appearance, behavior, characteristic gestures and words, as they were perceived then, in childhood.
To explain the mechanism of formation of this ego state, the psychoanalytic term “introjection” is used, again understanding it more broadly - not only as a protective inclusion of another in one’s personality structure, but also as a normal process of personality formation in interaction with significant others. The concept of personalization provides a more complete understanding of this process.
The Parent ego state is our beliefs, beliefs and prejudices, values and attitudes, many of which we perceive as our own, accepted by ourselves, when in fact they are “introduced” from the outside through the inclusion of people significant to us. Therefore, the Parent is our internal commentator, editor and evaluator.
In the same way that different states are recorded in the Child, people who are significant to us are “invested” in different states in the ego-state Parent. Parenting adults exhibit two main forms of behavior towards the child: strict instructions, prohibitions, etc.; manifestation of care, kindness, patronage, education according to the type of recommendations.
The first forms Controlling Parent, second - Caring Parent.
The Controlling Parent is characterized by low empathy, inability to sympathize, empathize with others, dogmatism, intolerance and criticism. A person exhibiting this form of behavior sees the cause of failures exclusively outside himself, shifts responsibility to others, but at the same time demands adherence to strict standards from himself (directs his own Adapted Child).
A Caring Parent protects, cares and worries about others, supports and reassures others ("Don't worry"), comforts and encourages them. But in both of these forms the Parent presupposes a position from above: both the Controlling and the Nurturing Parent require the other to be the Child.
Finally, the third ego state is Adult- is responsible for the rational perception of life, an objective assessment of reality, which characterizes an adult; hence the name of this ego state. An adult makes decisions based on mental activity and using past experience, based on the specific situation at the moment, “here” and “now”.
This ego state embodies objectivity, organization, bringing everything into a system, reliability, and reliance on facts. An adult acts like a computer, exploring and evaluating available probabilities and alternatives, and makes a conscious, rational decision that is appropriate at the time, in a given situation.
This is the difference between the Adult and the Parent and the Child, who are turned to the past, reproducing a situation that was experienced especially vividly (Child), or the figure of the nurturing adult (Parent).
Another function of the Adult ego state is checking what is inherent in the Parent and Child, comparing it with facts (reality check). Ego state The adult is called the manager of personality.
The functional structure of personality in TA is reflected in the diagram (Fig. 1).
Controlling Parent (CR)
Caring Parent (CP)
Adult (B)
Free (Natural) Child DM (ED)
Adapted Child (AD)
Fig.1. Functional personality diagram
To represent the functional structure of a personality, egograms are used, which reflect the development (“energy fullness”) of one or another form of ego-state. Let's give an example of an egogram (Fig. 2). To construct egograms, we use a questionnaire adapted and modified by D. Jongward.
Fig.2. An example of an egogram (CR - Controlling Parent; ZR - Caring Parent; B - Adult; ED - Natural Child; MP - Little Professor; AD - Adapted Child)
The next most important concepts of TA are the actualization of ego states and switching: at any given moment a person can be either a Parent, an Adult, or a Child. He has one or another state actualized, and he can switch, move from one ego state to another when the situation changes.
It should be noted that, although one or another specific ego state is usually actualized, different ego states most often take part simultaneously in the construction of human behavior. This is clearly demonstrated by the aphorism “If you can’t, but really want to, then a little is possible.” In the event of a conflict between the Parent (“You can’t”) and the Child (“I really want to”), the Adult finds a compromise (“A little bit is possible”).
The actualization of each ego state is accompanied by characteristic verbal and nonverbal manifestations, and from a very early age a person becomes familiar with the corresponding behavioral manifestations, so that mastering the theoretical model of TA structures and operationalizes the individual experience of the subject.
Transactional analysis (in the narrow sense).
In TA, the basis of any relationship between people is recognition, understood very broadly: from simple confirmation that the presence of another person is noticed, to manifestations of love. The term “stroking” is used to indicate recognition of another person.
In this term, E. Bern includes both physical touch and its symbolic analogue - greeting, showing attention to another, which forms the basis of interpersonal contact. The predominant form of contact in the interaction of a raising adult with a small child is physical touch, caress (one of the meanings of the word stroking is stroking).
As is known, the lack of such contact between a child and an adult causes irreversible degradation and death (the phenomenon of hospitalization). TA experts have coined this saying: “If a baby is not touched, its spinal cord shrivels.” Lesser degrees of touch deprivation in early childhood result in personality problems in the adult child.
Note that touch can have different signs - “stroking” and “kick”, but both mean recognition of the existence of another person and are less dangerous than ignoring. As the child grows, he learns to perceive symbolic forms of touch that signify his recognition. And in adults, such an exchange of touches is the basis of interpersonal interaction.
Considering the process of communication, TA identifies in it the elementary units of interpersonal interaction, called transactions (the term that gave its name to this area of psychology).
A transaction is understood as an exchange of touches between the ego states of communicating people - contact (contact) of their ego states. This is a mutual process (send - reaction), so in a certain sense it can be called a transaction.
In TA there are several criteria according to which types of transactions are distinguished. The first criterion is complementarity and crossness. An additional transaction is such an interaction when the touch of the first person entering into communication (the message) is followed by the corresponding reactions of the second person - the response comes from the same ego state in which the message was sent.
Examples (Fig. 3):
- Can you tell me what time it is?
- 12 hours 32 minutes.
Here (Fig. 3, a) the information request of the Adult ego-state is followed by the response of the Adult interlocutor. This is the contact of the Adult ego states.
Fig.3. Additional transactions
Another option for an additional transaction (Fig. 3.6):
Child: Nina Petrovna, can I take a pencil?
Educator: Take it, Mishenka.
This is a Child-Parent contact.
Reverse case (Fig. 3, c):
Educator: How dare you take this without asking?
Child: I won't do it anymore...
The last two examples differ from the first by one more criterion: same-level/equal-level. It is single-level transactions (i.e., interactions “Adult - Adult”, “Child - Child”, “Parent - Parent”) that can be called partnerships in the full sense of the word, when interacting people occupy psychologically equal positions in communication.
In the interaction between a parenting adult and a child, multi-level transactions naturally predominate, although single-level transactions are also possible: joint activity, co-creation, play, physical contact. It is unnecessary to prove the importance of single-level transactions for the development of a child’s personality: it is in such communication between a child and an adult that a sense of personal significance, responsibility, and independence is formed.
Another important transactional aspect of pedagogical communication is the need to limit the “Parent-Child” communication channel, replacing it with “Adult-Child”, in which the teacher focuses on the child’s personality. This position of the educator can be described by the rule of the three Ps: the parenting adult builds his communication with the child on the basis of understanding, acceptance and recognition.
Understanding means the ability to see the child “from the inside,” the ability to look at the world simultaneously from two points of view: one’s own and the child’s, “reading the child’s motives.” H. J. Jainott describes this situation of communication between a teacher and a child who has come to kindergarten for the first time. Seeing the children's drawings hanging on the wall, the boy said: “Ugh, what ugly pictures!” Instead of the reprimand expected in such a situation, the teacher said: “In our kindergarten you can draw such pictures.” Here we are faced with a kind of “unaddressed” message from the child, which can be directed to any of the three ego states. Often such unaddressed messages are a kind of probing of another person and are characteristic of the stage of establishing contact (Fig. 4).
Fig.4. Reaction to an unaddressed message (Child and Teacher)
The teacher realized that the child wanted to know whether they would scold him if he drew poorly (whether a Parental reaction would follow), and gave the answer “Adult - Child.” The child came to kindergarten with pleasure the next day: a favorable basis for contact had been created.
H. J. Jainott writes about the need for a special “code” of communication that allows us to understand the secret aspirations of children and focus on them in our judgments and assessments. TA gives the teacher the opportunity to master such a “code”.
Acceptance means an unconditional positive attitude towards the child, his individuality, regardless of whether he pleases adults at the moment or not - what in TA is called unconditional touch. This means: "I treat you well, regardless of whether you completed this task or not!" Adults often limit themselves to only conditional touches, building their relationship with the child according to the principle “if... then!..”
American psychologist H. J. Jainott notes the need to eliminate it from upbringing in relationships with children. The child should have a feeling that he is accepted and loved, regardless of whether he has achieved high or low levels. With this attitude, the adult recognizes and affirms the uniqueness of the child, sees and develops the personality in him: only by going “from the child” can one discern the development potential inherent in him, the originality and the dissimilarity that are inherent in a true personality, and not in a faceless individual programmed by his parents. before his birth and as a teacher - even before he crossed the threshold of kindergarten.
Recognition is, first of all, the child’s right to solve certain problems on the merits, this is the right to be an Adult. A child often cannot be guaranteed full equality of rights, for example, when it comes to his health, but the child must have an “advisory voice.” In addition, many everyday situations should allow the child to have a choice.
H. J. Jainott advises: instead of statements like “Here, take this...” or “Eat this...”, confront the child with an alternative: “Which thing should I give you - this or that?”, “What will you eat - an omelette or scrambled eggs?”, that is, to stimulate his Adult. The child should have a feeling of what exactly he is choosing. Thus, the inclusion of the “Adult - Child” channel in the system of interaction between a parenting adult and a child is a condition for the development of the Adult in the child.
The opposite of complementary transactions that maintain contact are cross-transactions. With this interaction, the send and reaction vectors are not parallel, but intersect. In most cases, such transactions lead to conflict and interruption of contact. Examples of cross transactions:
- What time is it now?
- Open your eyes - there's a watch!
Here, in response to the message “Adult - Adult,” a Parental reprimand follows (Fig. 5, a).
Fig.5. Cross transactions
An example of this kind of classic cross-transaction (Fig. 5, a) is the following situation: the teacher tells something to the children, and the child in response shares something that he heard before and that contradicts the words of the teacher. The teacher’s response: “How dare you object to me!”
This kind of cross-reactions of the parenting adult can slow down the development of the Adult in the child for a long time.
However, sometimes certain cross-reactions are justified and even the only possible ones. Imagine this situation. Tanya, a “not smooth” girl, behaves noisily and does nothing. An elderly, authoritarian teacher says to her: “When are you going to do something?” Tanya turns to her friend and says loudly so that the teacher can hear: “I’m so tired of this old witch!” The teacher’s reaction follows: “What about you, young one, I’m tired of you!” The teacher and the girl silently look at each other for two minutes, and then go about their business.
When Tanya’s parents come for her, she carefully says: “Goodbye?!” The teacher answers: “Goodbye, Tanechka.” Here the girl was faced with an unexpected Parental response, in which the teacher intuitively reproduced the mechanism for generating the impulse emanating from the Rebellious Child (Fig. 5, b): in essence, paradoxically, such a reaction is a recognition of the child’s personality, and this is a possible starting point to establish contact with the child.
Another example of this kind of cross-transaction: a teacher of an older group, who often lisps with children, turns to a developed girl brought up in a theatrical environment: “Come here, little one, I’ll dress you...” The dressed child goes to the door, turns and says : “Thank you with all my heart, I will never forget this in my life.”
The last criterion on the basis of which transactions are classified is the presence of a hidden (psychological) meaning. According to this criterion, simple and double (hidden) transactions are distinguished.
A hidden transaction has both an open level of interaction (social level) and a hidden level (psychological). A classic example of a hidden transaction: a husband writes “I love you” with his finger on a dusty table. The open level is an appeal from the husband’s Child to the wife’s Child, the hidden level is Parental reproach for disorder (Fig. 6).
Possible reactions of the wife: 1) “How nice of you” (additional reaction to the open level); 2) cleaning (additional reaction to the hidden level); 3) “You always reproach me” (cross-reaction to the hidden level); 4) remove everything, leaving a dusty spot on which to write: “And I love you” (additional reaction to both levels 1+2).
Fig.6. Hidden transaction
Hidden transactions form a type of interaction between people, called games in TA. (Here and below we put the term “game” in quotation marks, distinguishing it from play in its generally accepted meaning.)
Next we will look at it in more detail.
Parental programming.
The section of TA that analyzes parent programming in the classic Bern version is called scenario analysis. E. Bern and a number of his followers developed a rather complex and cumbersome system for analyzing life scenarios laid down in childhood, according to which a person builds his life and communication with the people around him.
Later, psychologist R. Goulding proposed a simpler and more constructive system for analyzing parental programming, which is now accepted by the majority of TA specialists. Fundamental to the concept of parental programming is the following: messages sent by parents and other nurturing adults ( parental instructions), can lead to dramatic changes in a child’s life and are often the cause of many life problems for a growing child.
There are two main types of parental instructions: prescriptions And directives.
Prescriptions are messages from the ego-state Child of the parents, reflecting certain problems of the parents: anxiety, anger, secret desires. In the eyes of a child, such messages look irrational, while parents, on the contrary, consider their behavior normal and rational. Ten basic instructions have been identified:
1. Not (general prohibition).
2. Don't exist.
3. Don't be intimate.
4. Don't be significant.
5. Don't be a child.
6. Don't grow up.
7. Don't be successful.
8. Don't be yourself.
9. Don't be healthy. Don't be sane.
10. Don't conform.
As an example, let's look at the general prohibition order - No. This kind of prescription is given by parents who are experiencing fear and constant anxiety for the child. His parents forbid him to do many normal things: “Don’t go near the stairs,” “Don’t touch these objects,” “Don’t climb trees,” etc.
Sometimes a parent whose child was unwanted becomes so overprotective. Realizing this, feeling guilty and frightened by his own thoughts, the parent begins to behave overly patronizing towards the child. Another possible reason for this is the death of the eldest child in the family. Another option when such an order is given is to model hyper-cautious behavior. This situation can occur in a family where the father is an alcoholic: the mother is afraid of any action, as this may cause an explosion on the part of the father, and passes this behavior on to the child.
As a result, the child is convinced that everything he does is wrong and dangerous; he doesn’t know what to do and is forced to look for someone to tell him. As an adult, such a person experiences problems making decisions.
The second type of parental guidance is directives. This is a message from the Parent ego state. Six main directives have been identified:
1. Be strong.
2. Be perfect.
3. Try hard.
4. Hurry up.
5. Please others.
6. Be alert.
Let's look at the directive “Be perfect” as an example. This directive is given in families where all mistakes are noticed. The child is required to be perfect in everything he undertakes. He simply has no right to make a mistake, therefore, growing up, the child cannot stand the feeling of defeat. It is difficult for such people to recognize their right to be a simple person. His parents are always right, they do not admit their mistakes - this is the type of constantly Controlling Parent, demanding perfection both from himself and from others (however, they often use rose-colored glasses to evaluate their actions, and black ones to evaluate the actions of others).
The peculiarity of directives is that it is impossible for them to assess whether you are fully satisfied, whether you are trying enough... These instructions are explicit, given verbally and not hidden. The giver of directives believes in their truth and defends his point of view. In contrast, prescriptions are usually not consciously understood; if a parent is told that he inspired his child not to exist, he will be indignant and will not believe it, saying that he did not even have this in his thoughts.
In addition to the six main directives listed, this type of message also includes religious, national And gender stereotypes.
In addition to the two main types of parental instructions - instructions and directives - there are also so-called mixed, or behavioral, instructions. These are messages concerning thoughts and feelings and can be given by the Parent or the Child of the parents. These messages are: don't think, don't think this (something specific), don't think what you think - think what I think (for example: "Don't contradict me"). By giving such instructions, parents put “family (parental) glasses” on their child.
The messages are similar for feelings: don't feel, don't feel this (specific feeling, emotion), don't feel what you feel - feel what I feel (for example: “I'm cold - put on a sweater”). Messages of this kind are given according to the principle of the projection mechanism - when one’s own feelings and thoughts are transferred to another (in this case, to a child). The result of such mixed instructions is the replacement of the child's thoughts and feelings with the thoughts and feelings expected of him, when adults are not aware of the feelings and needs of their child.
So, instructions and directives are given by parents. The child has the opportunity to both accept them and reject them. Moreover, there may be cases where orders are not given by real parents at all. The child fantasizes, invents, misinterprets, i.e. he gives himself instructions (from his ideal Parent).
For example, a child's brother dies, and the child may believe that he, through his jealousy and envy of his brother, magically caused his death. He (his Little Professor) finds “confirmation” in the world around him (it’s not for nothing that these adults talk about terrible pneumonia).
Then, feeling guilty, the child can give himself an order not to exist or another, milder order. Or, after the death of a beloved father, a child may instruct himself not to be close in an attempt to avoid experiencing pain: “I will never love again, and then I will never be hurt again.”
There are a limited number of possible prescriptions, but an infinite number of decisions that a child can make about them.
Firstly, the child may simply not believe them (“My mother is sick and doesn’t really mean what she says”).
Secondly, he can find someone who will refute the order and believe it ("My parents don't want me, but the teacher wants me").
Finally, he can make a decision based on parental orders.
Let's consider some possible solutions in response to the injunction Not: “I am not capable of making decisions”, “I need someone to decide for me”, “The world is terrible... I am forced to make mistakes”, “I am weaker than other people”, “From now on, I won’t try to make a decision on my own.” Here is an example of such a solution.
The school is selecting children to study in America; A ninth-grader boy definitely falls into the group based on his academic performance. Suddenly he declares to his mother: “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll do everything to fail.” And, to the surprise of everyone at school, that's exactly what happens. As a result of overprotection and control on the part of the mother in early childhood (however, continuing even now), the son made the decision: “I can’t do anything, I myself am not capable, let someone else take responsibility.”
It almost never happens that a parental instructional message immediately entails a child’s decision. Usually this requires that the same type of instructions be repeated several times. And at some point - exactly the moment - the child makes a decision.
For example, the father starts drinking and comes home angry and makes a scene. For some time, the little daughter continues to meet her father, hoping for the same affection. But after another disgusting scene with his mother, he decides: “Never again will I love men.” The client who described this case to E. Berne accurately indicated the date and hour when she made this decision, which she remained faithful to for 30 years.
As for directives, it would seem that they, as motivating instructions, should always have a beneficial effect and resist prescriptions. It seemed so to E. Berne, who called them counter-prescriptions. However, there are also “buts” here. We have already mentioned one aspect of them - the inability to assess the degree of adherence to them. Another aspect is their peremptory nature: they operate with absolute categories that do not recognize exceptions (always, everything). Psychoanalyst K. Horney called this the tyranny of the must: any, even the most positive, directives are traps, since the condition “always” is impossible to fulfill. And rigid adherence to directives is the path to neurosis.
Hence the conclusion follows: submission to any, even the most positive parental instructions cannot be considered justified. Ideally, the parenting adult should be able to monitor situations where the child may be programmed and correct them. To free adults from programming, M. and R. Goulding developed a special therapeutic system - “new solution therapy.”
Parent programming action.
Having made a decision, the child begins to organize his consciousness on its basis. At first, the root cause of the decision may be present:
I will never love men again, because my father never beats me;
I will never love women again, because my mother loves not me, but my little brother;
Never again will I try to love anyone because my mother showed me that I am unworthy of love.
But soon the reason disappears from consciousness, and it is far from easy for an adult to restore it. Decision-based positions are easier to recognize. Life position is, firstly, a “black and white” characteristic of the subject in respect of whom a decision has been made.
In the above examples it is:
all men are scoundrels;
no woman can be trusted;
It's impossible to love me.
This characteristic is tied to one of two poles: OK - not OK. (OK (okay) - well-being, order, etc.)
Secondly, the life position expresses the comparison between I and the other, that is, we have two more poles.
Thus, four life positions are possible:
1. I am OK - You are OK - a healthy position, a position of confidence.
2. I'm OK - You're not OK - a position of superiority, in extreme cases - a criminal and paranoid position.
3. I'm not OK - You're OK - position of anxiety, depressive position.
4. I'm not OK - You're not OK - a position of hopelessness, in extreme cases - a schizoid and suicidal position.
OK means something different to each person. It can be virtuous, educated, rich, religious and other countless options for “good”.
Not OK can mean: ignorant, careless, poor, blasphemous and other variants of “bad”.
It can be seen that the concepts “OK - not OK” are filled with meaning by nothing more than directives that carry, in particular, family and cultural stereotypes.
YOU usually applies to a very wide range of subjects: all men, women, all other people in general.
I sometimes expands to We, including members of one's family, group, party, race, country, etc.
Thus, the position performs the function of coordinating thoughts and feelings about oneself and about other people. Based on the position taken, a person builds his relationships with people. The position in life must be constantly confirmed. Its truth must be proven again and again, both to others and to oneself. Such proof in TA is called a racket of feelings.
Racket- these are stereotypical feelings used to confirm decisions made and positions taken. These feelings are used to change other people, if not in reality, then in their perception and imagination, and in no case allow their self to change. The Little Professor is engaged in racketeering, having learned from successful manipulations in childhood, as well as on the interpretation of reactions of parenting adults.
Adults say:
- you really angered me by slamming the door;
- you make me worry by not returning home on time;
- you made me so happy by going to the toilet.
Essentially, that's what they say. “You are responsible for my feelings,” and children come to the conclusion that they can make people feel - manage their feelings, and build their further behavior on this. This is the position of the Little Professor.
The simplest model explaining the racket of feelings was proposed by the expert on human nature S. Karpman, calling it Dramatic triangle. He identified three basic roles: Pursuer, Savior, Victim.
The Persecutor role is based on the position that others are inferior to me, they are not OK, which means they can be suppressed, belittled, exploited. This is the role of the Controlling Parent. The role of the Savior is also based on the fact that others are inferior to me, not OK, but unlike the Persecutor, the savior concludes that they need to be helped, cared for: “I must help others, since they are not good enough to help themselves." This is the role of the Nurturing Parent.
Rice. 7. Karpman's Drama Triangle
CR - Controlling Parent; ZR - Caring Parent; AD - Adapted Child
The victim sees himself as inferior, not OK. This role can take two forms:
a) search for the Persecutor to command and suppress;
b) looking for a Savior to take responsibility and confirm that I cannot handle this on my own.
The role of the Victim is the role of the Adapted Child.
So, we see that the Parent and Child are involved in the system and the Adult is completely excluded from it. The little Professor is in charge of everything, remaining in the background. All roles of the Drama Triangle involve depersonalization, an object relationship - ignoring the personality of others and one’s own personality: the right to health, well-being and even life is ignored (Persecutor); the right to think for oneself and act on one's own initiative (Savior) or self-neglect - the belief that one deserves to be rejected and belittled or needs help to act correctly (Victim).
When communicating, a person can play some role most of the time, but usually people build their communication by switching from one role to another, thereby manipulating other people and proving the “truth” of their position.
Such manipulations, as we have already said, E. Bern called games.
"A game" - a series of hidden transactions leading to a predictable outcome and switching of roles. At the open (social) level, the transactions that make up the “game” seem simple and specious, but at the hidden (psychological) level they are manipulations.
An example of a “game” is the classic “Yes, but...”. It is as follows: the player formulates a problem, his partners try to help him solve it, and the player refutes all the solutions proposed to him (usually this is done in the form of “yes, but...”). After all the offers have been exhausted, there is a pause, then the player sums up: “What a pity, but I was hoping that you would help me”). At the surface level, there is an interaction between Adult and Adult (information and analytical exchange), but at a hidden level, the Child and Parent communicate: a request is made to the Caring Parent (Fig. 8).
The player's goal is to prove the intractability of his problem and force the Parent to capitulate. After a pause, the player switches to the role of the Persecutor, and his Savior partners become Victims. Thus, the player “kills two birds with one stone”: he proves his disadvantage - no Parent can help me and the Parent’s incompetence.
Fig.8. Game "Yes, but..."
Analyzing the interaction of raising adults with a child, one can observe a whole range of “games”. “Games” such as “Gotcha, son of a bitch!” are played between teachers and children. (selfless search for someone to blame); “Argentina” (“I alone know what is most important in the country of Argentina, but you don’t!”); “Trial room” (the main thing is to prove your case at any cost); “I just wanted to help” (demonstration of one’s impeccability), etc. Children can organize their own “games” that they learned at home, or they can support the “games” of teachers, happily playing “Give me a kick”, “Yes , but..." "Shlemel" (the pleasure of being forgiven), etc. "Games" played in kindergarten have not yet been sufficiently studied, and this work seems relevant.
The goals of game analysis are to:
1) provide a person with the means of diagnosing “game” behavior and understanding the mechanism of “games”;
2) make it possible to control the “game,” i.e., use an antithesis that destroys manipulation (for example, in the case of “Yes, but...” ask the player what a possible solution to the problem is, in his opinion);
3) make it possible to understand the origins of “game” behavior: at a minimum, determine the position in life that the player proves; ideally, analyze the entire chain of programming in reverse order: “games” - position in life - decision - instructions and directives.
Understanding the origins of “game” behavior in parental programming creates real prerequisites for its correction.
Using the TA model in personality-oriented didactics.
The TA model allows us to reach specific behavioral criteria (principles) of a person-centered approach to education. The purely parental nature of the educational and disciplinary model of communication with children by raising adults is obvious. TA makes it possible to understand that Parent-Child interaction is far from the only acceptable forms of communication with children.
We can even transfer the Parent-Child interaction “to the background” (in TA terms: to the psychological level of communication), since when a preschooler communicates with a parenting adult, this channel is present a priori. Therefore, the task is not to exclude the Parent, but to turn him into an ally who allows and welcomes the actualization of the Adult and the Child in the educator.
The personality-oriented model of education is based on the predominance of the Adult and the Child in the teacher; the parent plays a supporting role, remaining in the background. It is this form of interaction with the child that is the condition for the development and functioning of self-valued forms of his activity, the development of his personality.
This approach requires a major reorientation of early childhood professionals to focus on the Parent Approach; The highest value for them is communication from the position of a Caring Parent (in real communication with children, for some reason this form is often transformed into a Controlling Parent).
Educators do not immediately see the limitations of the Parental approach, which does not provide for the possibility of transferring responsibility to the child, necessary for the formation of his Adult, to create the “Adult - Child” tandem and the conditions for the emergence and development of the child’s aspirations.
Only by switching from the Parent position to the Adult position is the teacher able to analyze the effects of pedagogical influence, which often boils down to “raising” an Adapted Child. Only from the position of an Adult is the educator able to grasp the consequences of his influence on the child - to analyze and adjust parental and pedagogical programming.
Techniques of pedagogical communication.
The indisputable advantage of TA schemes is the ability to characterize the various “instances” of the individuality of not only the child, but also the corresponding “instances” of the teacher’s individuality, which are the defining features of his moral influences, as if echoing in the child’s life. In addition, based on these schemes, it is possible to trace in more detail the existing lines of interaction between adults and children, as well as, if this turns out to be useful, to draw new lines of interaction between them.
A. Evaluation.
Among the inadequate ways of assessing children, there is a manner of assessing (both negatively and positively) the child’s personality as a whole, rather than his specific actions. Some researchers rightly emphasize the suggestive effect of such statements as “you’re stupid!”, “coward!”, “you’re an irresponsible person!”, “scoundrel,” etc.
The parental authority, let us recall once again, is a source of powerful suggestive influences. And the higher the authority, the more likely it is that in the future, when a growing person really needs to show ingenuity, courage, responsibility, high morality, a parental voice will “explode” in his head, not allowing him to do this, but, on the contrary, prescribing, for example, a manifestation of stupidity and mental weakness.
One cannot underestimate the fact that at a critical moment, stress can lead to age regression - to the awakening of infantile reactions, the path for which the Parent paves the way with his careless statements.
You should evaluate the child’s specific actions: “You’re distracted and not thinking right now!” (but not “stupid”), “You're afraid!” or even “You chickened out!” (but not “coward”), “This is immoral!” (instead of “You have no conscience!”). These assessments can sound very emotional, and not pronounced in a smooth, dispassionate voice (in which the child, of course, hears not an assessment, but a threat...). This avoids "programming".
In a similar way, psychologist Jainott suggests resolving the issue of positive evaluation. For example, the following communication model is proposed:
Mother: The garden was so dirty... I didn’t even think it was possible to clean everything in one day.
Son I did it!
Mother. What a job!
Son. Yes, it wasn't easy!
Mother. The garden is so beautiful now! It's nice to look at him.
Son: It's clean.
Mat: Thank you, son!
Son (smiling widely): You're welcome.
On the contrary, praise that evaluates the child himself, and not his actions, is harmful, the author believes. Among the adverse effects is the development of feelings of guilt and protest - “the bright sun blinds the eyes”; we would add - the possible formation of hysterical character traits in the child in the form of an excessive need for enthusiastic, admiring recognition of his personality. Therefore, among the harmful assessments the following are named:
You are a wonderful son!
You are a real mom's helper!
What would mom do without you?!
In the proposed model of communication, we are talking, as we see, about the garden, about difficulties, about cleanliness, about work, but not about the child’s personality. The assessment is made up, the scientist emphasizes, of two points: from what we tell children, and from what the child himself, based on our words, concludes about himself. Evaluating the recommendation - to praise the action and only the action - we would emphasize the need to take into account the age of the children.
Jainott is certainly right that the assessment consists of these two components. However, in order for a child to be able to independently evaluate himself based on an adult’s assessment, he must, at least once, experience a positive assessment of his personality (at least so that he has the opportunity to say to himself: “I’m great! "). Preschool childhood, in our opinion, is a time when positive assessments of the individual as a whole are pedagogically justified.
An interesting experience of such a positive assessment of personality in the context of the formation of children’s moral self-esteem is contained in the methodology proposed by the domestic psychologist V. G. Shchur (a series of studies conducted under the leadership of S. G. Yakobson). To children who were unfairly distributed toys and, under the “pressure of facts”, were forced to evaluate themselves negatively (“... like Karabas Bara-bass!”), the experimenter said: “And I know who you really are... YOU ARE PINOCOCACIO!”
This influence, as observations in different situations have shown, had great power of suggestion. At first, the experimenter had to remind from time to time, first with a word, then with a look: “Pinocchio!..” Then the need for a reminder disappeared by itself. The children changed literally before our eyes, in particular, conflict levels decreased. Analyzing this experience, we find ourselves on the border between ordinary and so-called anticipatory assessments.
B. Anticipatory assessment.
V. Sukhomlinsky called for starting any business with a feeling of success: it should not only appear at the end, but also be at the beginning of the action. Creating conditions that give children a feeling of joy in searching and overcoming is a special task for a professional teacher.
However, every teacher must independently solve the same problem every day and hour: what to praise the child for, what aspects of his behavior or, perhaps, what of the results of the child’s work (drawing, modeling, sung song, etc.) could give a reason for a positive assessment of the child’s personality.
“If you don’t know what to praise your child for, come up with it!” - psychiatrist and psychotherapist V. Levi reasonably advises in the book “Unconventional Child”. The main thing that should be conveyed to the child here is sincere faith in his capabilities. Something similar appears in “adult” social psychology under the name “advancement by trust,” which leads to a significant personal and professional development effect. The technique of “intensive psychotherapy” in working with adults is primarily based on faith in the possibilities of personal growth.
B. Prohibitions.
When adults want to stop certain actions of a child that seem unseemly or harmful to them, they resort to prohibitions. But it is common knowledge: “the forbidden fruit is sweet”; prohibitions can represent a call to action, which is confirmed in special studies. It turns out that it is not even necessary to have a “fruit”, i.e. an object that would be attractive initially, in itself, regardless of the introduction of the ban. It is enough to designate the border (“prohibitory line”).
Going beyond the line can be explained by the mechanism of self-imitation, the essence of which is to repeat one’s mental action in reality. When a person is prohibited from performing any action, he begins to think intensely about it, and his mental image appears. At the same time, it is impossible not to think about the prohibition, because before performing any action, you must first imagine it, that is, start thinking about it.
The presented action underlies the motor task, the formation of a specific motor act.
The action can be carried out immediately or after some time (it may not happen at all), depending on the degree of separation of thought and action.
The mental and effective plans for the child are still too united. Because of this, the child masters the prohibition by performing a prohibited action in reality. For example, when children are not told to go to the other half of the room, they have a mental image of a forbidden action, while the “cohesion” of mental and effective plans, characteristic of children of two or three years of age, contributes to the immediate embodiment of the mental act in an effective way. With age, with the development of self-awareness, the “distance” between thought and action increases: a person can imagine, but not carry out a forbidden movement.
How to be an adult, how to prevent the prohibition from turning into a “challenge”?
One way, in our opinion, is to introduce alternatives: in order not to think about the “yellow monkey,” think about the “red” or the “white elephant.” In other words, along with presenting a prohibition, it is necessary to indicate the need or possibility of implementing substitute actions alternative to the prohibited one (“This is what needs to be done”).
Towards the construction of a parent-adult communication style.
At the risk of being subjective, we believe that the ability to maintain communication with children according to the “Parent - Adult” type is one of the most difficult genres of pedagogical communication. At the same time, the pedagogical skill of the educator clearly stands out here. The main difficulty is, firstly, when influencing a child, not to put him in the position of Child, because we must talk about an appeal to the rational principle of the child (his Adult); and, secondly, so that the teacher himself maintains an “extension from above” when communicating, i.e., does not resort to the “Adult - Adult” position.
This can be formulated as follows: moral norms presented to children must be “transformed according to age (in the words of teacher R. S. Bure). Norms as knowledge are addressed to the child’s adult ego-state, and at the same time, this knowledge, being norm, is presented as if “from above”, from the ego-state Parent of the educator.
An example of such an impact is reminders such as warnings, advice ("what needs to be done to..."). This view represents a consistent development of A. S. Makarenko’s point of view on the organization of educational influences. It will be less helpful if you tell your child:
Here's a broom, sweep the room, do it this way or that way (Parent-Child style).
It is better if you entrust the maintenance of cleanliness in a certain room, and how he will do this, let him decide and be responsible for the decision himself. In the first case, you set the child only a muscular task, in the second case, an organizational task; the latter is much more complex and useful.
Towards the construction of a parent-parent communication style.
Unfortunately, communication of this kind is practically absent in the practice of education. Meanwhile, this style of communication can be very effective if the teacher chooses the right situation. For example, the teacher knows that Roma has scattered toys, and instead of scolding Roma as usual for such cases, he acts out noble indignation.
Calling Roma, the teacher indignantly says: “Look, what a disgrace! What have they done: everything was so clean and tidy. These toys are always making a mess, and we have to take the rap...” The teacher’s task in this case is to leave him alone with himself, to go around the question of Roma’s personal responsibility, direct the blow “by” and, thus, stage a dialogue between two Parents, creating a special atmosphere of confidential communication.
“You see, Roma, we’ll have to clean up together,” they say, we always get it.
Towards the construction of a communication style "Child - Parent".
Situations of this kind were created in the experiments of E.V. Subbotsky. He managed, by placing children in the position of “responsible”, “controller”, to fundamentally change the type of behavior of children: to overcome “global imitation”, “bias” of children’s judgments, guile, injustice, etc.
In the school practice of teachers Sh. A. Amonashvili, Dusovitsky and others, situations were deliberately created when the teacher “makes a mistake” and the children correct him, which has a significant impact on learning, develops a sense of self-confidence and criticality. Meanwhile, difficulties for children in the Parent ego-state and difficulties in children accepting this position have already been noted.
It seems possible and expedient to raise the question of overcoming these difficulties in practice. For example, a teacher asks the children to blindfold him so that, on their command, he performs tasks that he usually gives to the children himself. The task must be quite difficult and “blindly” unsolvable. Children must lead him. Such situations, we think, should contribute to the creation of conditions that are consistent with the establishment of a “Child-Parent” line of communication between the teacher and the child.
Towards the construction of a communication style "Child - Adult".
This style of communication seems to have no place in kindergarten. However, you can try to simulate a situation in which a child will become more competent than an adult. For example, children are playing, and an adult wants to be accepted into the game, for this he asks to be taught the rules.
It is important to imitate the difficulties of mastering the rules; An adult's mistakes should be of a non-game nature and should not cause children to laugh - it should be difficult for an adult. In contrast to the experimental situations of E.V. Subbotsky, this situation involves adults mastering the experience of children, games as a specific children's form of interaction (in the experiments of E.V. Subbotsky, children adapted their elders to “adult” activities, acting in the Parental role).
At the same time, children master the position of supporting others, based on personal experience. The child’s intellect turns out to be involved in prosocial (for the benefit of another) activity. Let us also note that at the same time, the child’s self-esteem as a subject of help should grow.
Towards the construction of a “Child-Child” communication style.
Similar situations are used in the practice of psychotherapy. For example, in order to free the child from fears that may manifest themselves in avoidance of contact with children or in impulsive “unmotivated” aggression, the teacher includes the child in a game in the style of a puppet show.
Behind the screen there is a teacher and one or more children. They manipulate the dolls so as not to be visible to child spectators. The teacher, acting, say, in the role of a fox, a monkey or a cat interacting with other “game” characters, imitates situations of the unexpected appearance of a threat, fear and protection, cunning and deceit, friendship and deception, etc.
During the game, conditions are created under which children overcome their own fears. Sometimes the game is structured in such a way that adults and children alternately take the position of a defending and attacking character. The emotion of fear is replaced by the emotion of victory.
Towards the construction of the “Adult - Parent” communication style.
Just like “Parent - Parent,” this style of communication is little represented in pedagogical theory and practice. Let us outline the contours of such communication: we turn the child not just into an assistant teacher (as was the case in the experiments of E.V. Subbotsky), but into a defender of the interests of the teacher.
For example, a child is entrusted with a watch and asked to ensure that the teacher does not miss the time for an important meeting with someone (for this, the teacher leaves the group on time) or the start time of classes, etc. In this case, the teacher refers to being too busy, which prevents him from keeping track of time. In this case, it is important to maintain a certain tone of communication with the child, in which there is concern and an emphasized interest in the help of this particular child: “I ask you because you will not forget.”
Towards the construction of the “Adult - Adult” communication style.
An important condition for communication in the “Adult - Adult” position is sincerity in perceiving the child as an adult - on an equal basis, the desire to act, recognize, and discover together with him. We emphasize that in terms of education, it is not the content of communication between the teacher and the child that is significant in itself, but the fact that this is serious communication, on equal terms. Here it is important to stay “on the wave” of “Adult - Adult”.
It is easy to imagine how approximately the same content could be expressed in the “above” position. For example: “I remind you once again: everything needs to be done on time. Just remember: when the phylocactus was not watered on time, it withered (index finger up). This is how animals will get sick (finger up again) if you don’t take care of them" (" Parent - Adult"), or: “Well, remember, which of you didn’t water the phylocactus because of whom the phyllocactus withered? It’s time to remember: if you don’t take care of the animals, they will get sick too, so...” ( "Parent - Child").
Towards the construction of the “Adult - Child” communication style.
We see the basis for building this style of communication in the developments of intensive psychotherapy by C. Rogers. The rule that the teacher should adhere to in this case can be formulated as understanding, acceptance and recognition, which we have already discussed above.
So, we looked at nine possible communication styles between the teacher and the child. At the same time, it was not by chance that we emphasized the approximate and unfinished nature of the developments presented here. The construction of each of the noted communication styles requires significant both experimental and practical tests of “strength” in the conditions of the real pedagogical process.
