Basic rules of compliments in business communication using specific examples. Rules for giving compliments Your resilience and endurance always amaze me

By wagging its tail, the dog gets its food, but by barking, it only gets beaten.

Eastern wisdom

To succeed in business communication, you should remember that the more pleasant it is for people to communicate, the higher the chance of successfully solving a business problem or concluding a deal. Show your business partners that you are interested in them compliments , that is, pleasant words containing a slight exaggeration of a person’s positive qualities.

The ability to give a person the opportunity to realize their own importance helps to quickly get what they want. The ability to appreciate someone’s work, recognize its usefulness and irreplaceability, and say pleasant words to a person creates the conditions for effective interaction.

Why give compliments?

· a person received a compliment about a certain quality of his personality;

· thanks to the functioning of the attitude towards the desirability of this quality, it is accepted as reality at the subconscious level;

· there is a feeling of satisfaction;

· a feeling of satisfaction is always accompanied by the emergence of positive emotions (feeling pleasant);

· the positive emotions that arise are connected by the law of association with their source and transferred to the one who caused them;

· attraction to this person arises.

By praising business partners, we help them feel significant in the eyes of others and create a friendly atmosphere of business contact. By making our partner smile or pleasantly surprised with our words, we are distracted from our own problems and lift our mood. Finally, the more compliments we give to people, the more pleasant words come back to us.

How to give compliments correctly?

A.Yu.Panasyuk in the book “Management Communication. Practical advice" formulated rules that reveal the psychological mechanism of the influence of a compliment on a person.

· No ambiguity

A compliment should reflect exclusively the positive qualities of a person. Double meanings should be avoided in a compliment. But here the rule is clearly broken: “Listening to your conversations with people, I am each time surprised by your ability to evade the answer so subtly and wittily!”

· No hyperbole

The positive quality in a compliment should be only slightly exaggerated.

· Considering the high opinion

An important factor in the effectiveness of this technique is the person’s own opinion about the level of qualities reflected in the compliment. If the significance of a compliment is lower than the partner’s level of self-esteem, then for him such a compliment is trivial, and the consequences can be negative.

· Unpretentious

The partner may not strive to improve this quality. Moreover, he believes that it would be bad if this positive quality were expressed in him more strongly than it is, so a compliment addressed to a strongly manifested quality can cause him offense.

· Without didactics

This rule is that a compliment should only state the presence of this quality, and not contain recommendations or practical advice on how to improve it.

· No “seasonings”

For example, “Your hands are golden, but your tongue is your enemy” or “I am very impressed by your ability to win people over. Only if this ability were in the interests of the business.” Such “seasonings” are a “fly in the ointment” and reduce or even negate even the best compliment.

Rules:

· embed compliment words into a general phrase;

· do not pause;

· construct the phrase so that the compliment is followed by meaningful text; the longer the general phrase after the compliment words, the better;

· it is advisable to structure the statement so that part of the general phrase after the compliment words contains something that would capture the attention of the listener.

Every person strives to hear something specific about himself, because it is the specificity of a compliment that allows a person to feel its truthfulness and sincerity. In addition, most people think that a person who notices some nuances of our personality and notes them with a compliment is actually showing sincere interest in us.

When we constantly comment on very obvious positive qualities when giving compliments, it makes less of an impression than if we notice hidden traits. The more hidden “little things” our colleagues and business communication partners notice, the more sincere their words seem. Moreover, by giving such a sincere compliment, we not only help the person feel our respect, but we ourselves understand why we respect this person.

By the way, a compliment has a positive effect even when your partner treats you with hostility. As part of a business interaction, by making a compliment that is situationally appropriate and adequate to the expectations of a business partner, you can win him over and change a negative attitude.

If compliments are given to you

Every person should not only be able to give compliments, but also learn to accept them correctly. As the practice of business interaction shows, it can be very difficult for people to accept praise addressed to them. Most people automatically reject compliments, which should not be done under any circumstances. Firstly, you offend the one who said nice words to you, and secondly, you should be grateful to this person: you accept the positive assessment and begin to believe it.

Follow a simple rule: respond simply “Thank you.”

Examples of compliments for business interactions

The compliment also has cultural specificity. Thus, some compliments to women can make a very strange impression on speakers of a different culture. In India, for example, you can flatter a woman if you compare her to a cow and her gait to that of an elephant. A good compliment for a Japanese woman is a comparison with a snake, for a Tatar and Bashkir woman - with a leech, personifying the perfection of forms and movements. Addressing a woman “Goose!” in Russian culture it is an insult, and in Egypt it is an affectionate compliment.

Questions for self-control

1. What is a compliment?

2. Should you give compliments during business interactions?

3. Why do you need to give compliments?

4. Why do noticed “not too noticeable details” evoke more positive emotions?

5. How to personalize a compliment?

6. How should one behave in response to a compliment?

7. What is the role of a compliment in relieving emotional stress?

8. When is it appropriate to give compliments?

9. What are the advantages of a compliment given against the background of an anti-compliment?

10. List the positive feelings that a person experiences when listening to compliments addressed to him?

11. What is the essence of the “golden words” technique?

Exercise 1

All participants in the class sit in a large circle, everyone should look carefully at the partner sitting on the left and think about what character trait, what habit of this person he likes, and he wants to say about it, that is, give a compliment.

Any member of the group who is ready to say nice words to his partner sitting on the left starts. During the speech, all participants must listen carefully to the speaker. The participant to whom the compliment is made must, at a minimum, thank him, and then, having established contact with the partner sitting to his left, make his compliment; and so on in a circle until all participants exchange compliments.

Task 2

Divide into pairs and speak pleasant words to each other for one minute. Everyone chooses the compliment that he liked the most.

Task 3

An object is passed around in a random order. The participant transferring the item must name the quality that unites him with the person to whom he is transferring the item.

At the same time, he begins his sentence with the words: “ Name, I think you and I are united by..." and names this quality, for example: "You and I are equally sociable."

The one who receives the item responds: “I agree” if he agrees, or “I’ll think about it” if he does not agree. Even if you don't agree that you have this quality, what your partner communicates still carries some useful information about how we look to other people.

Task 4

Participants are asked to identify qualities in other people that inspire admiration, respect, or sympathy.

The task is completed in a circle or in writing. The partner in this task is the participant in the lesson with whom you are least familiar. Which makes the task more difficult. The first one to start says: “ Name. I like it about you...” The person, in turn, must name the feelings that arose in him in response to these words.

Since most participants, when reacting to words, most often say that they are pleased or unpleasant, it is necessary to complicate the task until they become aware of feelings, for example, when talking about positive emotional states, it is necessary to specify them: I am happy, I had pleasure, I experienced delight, I felt feeling happy, having hope and self-confidence. I was overcome with pride, I was triumphant, etc.

Assignments for independent work

1. Find similarities (commonalities) with a person you met just a few days or even hours ago. Try to find not one or even three, but, say, 20 qualities that you have in common with this person.

2. Find something in common with a person you really don't like. Try to find not one or even three, but, say, 20 qualities that you have in common with this person.

3. Try to emphasize at least 2-5 times during the day the importance of those people with whom you work and communicate - correctly assess the significance of their contribution to the common cause. Mark successful ideas, suggestions, express respect, sympathy, etc. Genuinely recognizing the strengths of another person will not only help relieve tension in the relationship, but will also develop the ability to unconditionally accept other people.

Rules for using compliments

1. ʼʼOne meaningʼʼ. A compliment should reflect only positive qualities. It should be avoided

duality, in which quality can be considered both positive and negative. For example: “Listening to your

conversations with people, every time I am amazed at your ability to subtly and wittily avoid answering!ʼʼOr:

ʼʼWhat is perhaps considered valor among officials and

bad politicians are unlikely to be the same among serious business people.

2. ʼʼNo hyperbolesʼʼ. A compliment should only be a slight exaggeration of a certain quality. If you tell your not-too-disciplined and absent-minded

partner that you are always amazed at his accuracy and punctuality, then this will most likely cause the opposite

reaction. It’s better to say: “Today you pleasantly surprised me with your punctuality and accuracy.”

3. ʼʼHigh opinionʼʼ. A compliment should not be lower

a person's opinion of himself is below the level of his self-esteem. If you admire the intelligence of your interlocutor, and he turns out to be a Nobel Prize laureate or a chess grandmaster; if you are amazed by the beauty of a woman and tell her about it, while she is the winner of one of the international beauty contests; if you are surprised at how easily your partner remembers a phone number or other numbers, although he knows that he has a phenomenal memory, it is not a compliment, but a banality. The consequences will most likely be negative, because at best, the interlocutor will shrug his shoulders, since he has long outgrown such “compliments,” and at worst, he will notice to himself that you are not overly resourceful or smart.

unpretentious. A compliment should not emphasize a quality that the partner does not strive for

improve or advertise. Compliments like

ʼʼHow noticeably you gained weight (lost weight) during your vacation!ʼʼor

ʼʼYou are brilliant at giving compliments!ʼʼ can cause a reaction opposite to the desired one. ʼʼNo didacticsʼʼ. A compliment should affirm this quality, and not contain recommendations for improving it. Expressions ʼʼYou should be more active!ʼʼ, ʼʼFirmness of conviction adorns a man! Know how to defend your positions!ʼʼ, etc. – not compliments, but pedagogical recommendations. Your partner may need them, but they shouldn't be taken as compliments.

4. ʼʼNo seasoningʼʼ. A compliment should not contain additives that actually neutralize it. It is unlikely that your partners will be inspired by such “compliments”: “Your head is bright and your hands are golden.” But your tongue is your enemy!ʼʼ

ʼʼYour strength is your ability to win people over. This ability would be in the interests of the business...ʼʼ

Such additives are a fly in the ointment, which

should be avoided.

5. ʼʼWithout ironyʼʼ. The best words are “smart”,

“businesslike”, “strong” - can be disavowed or even understood in exactly the opposite way if they are pronounced with

irony and sarcasm: “How “smart” you are! ʼʼOne

It’s a “pleasure” to communicate with such a “strong” partner. The consequences are negative, since people can forgive a lot, but not ridicule.

6. sincerity. This is a key point in the practice of using a compliment. Sincerity convinces better

everything. Artificiality, the pursuit of an obvious goal turn a compliment into banality, flattery or

primitive falsehood. Such things are recognized quite easily. So, in the phrase “How sweet and charming you are!” an astute person will hear flattery,

ᴛ.ᴇ. straightforward emphasizing of a person’s merits. In a statement like ʼʼIt’s clear why your husband always does this

hurries home!ʼʼcontains a hint of a woman’s virtues, and not only those related to appearance.

Flattery is always rude, straightforward, unambiguous, and designed for narrow-minded people. A compliment presupposes a more subtle thought, understatement, intuition, and indirectness.

Anyone who wants to give a compliment must be interested in other people, pay attention to their

strengths.

Business compliments

* You know, your energy just energizes others!

* I am amazed at your hard work!

* Watching you work is a pleasure!

* It’s true what they say, you have golden hands.

* Don't be modest, your abilities are known.

*You have an encyclopedic memory! Your erudition is simply amazing!

* How do you manage to win people over like that?

* I didn’t know that you understand people so subtly and well!

* Your smile is simply disarming!

* I would always have such a pleasant partner (interlocutor)!

*What a pleasure it is to talk to you!

* I can learn a lot by communicating with you.

*You have amazing powers of observation!

* I am always amazed by the breadth of your horizons!

* You have an amazing ability to see beauty where others do not notice anything!

* How were you able to cultivate such restraint in yourself?

* Your tenacity and endurance have always amazed me!

* Your will and concentration can be envied!

* It’s wonderful that you have such a persistent character!

* I am captivated by your kindness and responsiveness!

* How do you manage to maintain fashion and taste at the same time?

* Perhaps I would go with you on reconnaissance.

* No one can surpass you in organizing such work.

Anti-compliments

1. You make me feel so smart.

2. Looking at you, I would like to wish you health again.

3. You remind me of the ocean - you make me seasick.

4. You are a decent and modest person, but you don’t know how to show it.

5. Does your jacket have short sleeves, or have you grown that way?

6. When you appear, even the computers in the office break down.

7. You move so fast that all the flowers fall after you.

8. Did you do it just like that or out of stupidity?

9. You speak so loudly that the letters on my screen tremble.

10. Is your deodorant smell so strong to make it seem more important?

11. You come so close to me that your figure is

my vision is blurry... big looks better from a distance.

12. Don't stand so close, I stop seeing you

significance.

13. You change the atmosphere around me so much that I want to feel the gust of wind and the freshness of the rain.

14. Where are we from you - you have so many convolutions that they

They no longer fit in the head and take up space on the forehead.

15. Your perfume reminds me of the smell of fallen leaves.

16. Does the speed of your movements match the speed of your mind?

17. Do you have a new hairstyle or leftovers from yesterday?

18. Your politeness causes a feeling of uncertainty about the future.

19. Your compliments weigh heavily on mine.

20. You have a valuable point of view - I can’t afford it.

21. You don’t reach into your pocket for words - it’s clear that you keep them somewhere else.

22. It’s so good that you have such a simple vocabulary, I already

I learned everything the first time.

23. It’s nice that you live up to expectations with your predictability in clothing.

24. Sand pours out of some people, and change comes out of your pockets...

25. You always find a way to freshen up the impression with your traditional joke.

26. You are so thoughtful that you are asking the same question for the third time and do not have time to hear the answer.

28. You always give your word, but you don’t catch it.

29. With you, all people feel like creditors.

30. What do you think about, as always about the main thing?

The ability to calmly respond to anti-compliments and respond with politeness (ʼʼWe are still only on the way to the ideal...ʼʼ) testifies to fortitude, resistance to stress™ and good self-esteem. Anti-compliments are usually used by manipulators to exert psychological pressure on their opponent.

Rules for using compliments - concept and types. Classification and features of the category “Rules for using compliments” 2017, 2018.

A compliment is an emphasis on the merits that the interlocutor wants to see in himself. However, another term fits this definition - Flattery.

The main difference between a good compliment and flattery is the power of emphasizing the merits of the interlocutor. As a rule, when using flattery, the person’s merits are greatly exaggerated, which shows the insincerity of your words.

There is an opinion in society that women like compliments. In fact, everyone likes to receive good compliments. Men, unlike women, do not react to them as brightly, but in their hearts, they are just as pleased.

With a developed skill, it is possible with just one compliment. Therefore, the ability to give compliments is highly valued in business circles.

So, in order to give a good compliment you must adhere to the following rules:

1. Compliments for everyone

It should be noted that a compliment is not praise at all, but an emphasis on merit. Therefore, regardless of rank, compliments can be given to any person. Psychologically, when a person gives a compliment, he elevates you above himself.

2. A successful compliment is an admission of one’s own failure.

A compliment becomes truly effective when we acknowledge our own failure and at the same time highlight the other person's success.

“Yesterday I tried to meet a beautiful girl, spent 30 minutes on it, but never got her number, and you came up and immediately took the number, how do you do that?”

3. Compliments to the point

A compliment must reflect the real state of affairs, otherwise it will turn into a banal lie. If you are not sure that the person knows what you are talking about, it is better to remind him of this situation, and then give him a compliment.

4. A compliment should excite the imagination.

A well-chosen compliment should excite a person's imagination. That is, it is not easy to accept it as a fact, but to be able to speculate on it and draw certain conclusions.

“I heard that a car reflects a person’s character, you chose a great car!”

5. Keep the compliment simple.

The main part of the compliment should be simple and contain no more than two thoughts. Effectively constructed compliments are concise in their structure and literally in one sentence express all the feelings towards your interlocutor.

6. Use information about the interlocutor

For a compliment to have the greatest power, it must be unique and relate specifically to your interlocutor. Because the more unique it is, the more valuable it is.

7. Reflect your emotions correctly

When giving compliments, watch your emotions. A simple smile can be perceived in different ways. In one case as a benevolent sign, in another as a mockery.

8. Gender specificity of compliments

According to statistics, women receive compliments more often than men. Therefore, if you want to give a good compliment to a woman, practice on men.

9. The power of the audience

A compliment said in private is very pleasant. But it gains its real power when it is pronounced among familiar people.

As mentioned above, a compliment can be given to any person, regardless of whether you know him or not. Often, the main mistake people make when trying to impress another person is lack of practice. They believe that only those who need to be curried with deserve compliments. This is the wrong position, because compliments without practice are doomed to failure.

You need to practice everywhere and with everyone. If you do not know the person, then use “general” compliments that are pleasant to everyone. All people like to receive compliments regarding their appearance, talents, successes and skills.

Having masterfully mastered the art of giving compliments, you will bring a lot of positivity into your life, as you will see from your own experience that compliments can give you and your interlocutor a good mood.

People are sensitive to compliments, because when they listen to pleasant words addressed to them, they experience a special kind of pleasure and fulfill the need to receive positive emotions. The purpose of a compliment in business communication is to influence the partner’s emotions and feelings and ensure his commitment to further cooperation.

A compliment is significantly different from other ways to say pleasant words to your interlocutor - praise and flattery. Praise - this is a positive assessment of qualities expressed by a senior to a junior, a superior to a subordinate, i.e. leader to follower. Flattery represents a clear and purposeful exaggeration of the interlocutor's merits, it is ruder and has a greater chance of being rejected due to implausibility. Compliment- this is a slight exaggeration of dignity that was noticed by the communication partner. The following main differences between flattery and compliment can be identified (Table 5.4).

Table 5.4

Key differences between flattery and compliment

End of table. 5.4

In order for a compliment to have an effect, you must adhere to the basic rules.

• 1. The basis of a compliment should be only real positive characteristics of a person. Without a factual basis, a compliment is reduced to flattery.
• 2. Priority should be given to the personal qualities of the interlocutor, since a compliment on external merits looks more primitive. But that doesn't mean that you need to completely abandon compliments to a person’s external merits.

Example

“Igor Lvovich, you have a special gift for winning people over.”

“Anna Viktorovna, I am always amazed at your internal organization.” “Dmitry Alexandrovich, I think people appreciate your sincerity in communication.” “Olga Mikhailovna, your professionalism delights us all.”

3. You should focus on the hidden, rather than obvious, qualities of the interlocutor. The more hidden advantages of a partner can be emphasized, the more sincere the communication will be.

Example

“Igor Anatolyevich, you are not only a very pleasant person, but also an excellent family man.”

“Mikhail Valerievich, you are excellent at using knowledge from different areas of reality.”

• 4. The compliment must be genuine and truthful. Empathy plays a special role in the implementation of this rule. Only by showing empathy can you understand what your interlocutor will be pleased to hear.
• 5. The compliment should be specific and brief, i.e. simple but of design and contain no more than one or two thoughts. The maximum specificity of a compliment can be achieved using the words “because...” followed by a specific description of one’s observations. The more personalized a compliment is, the more valuable it is, since it more fully takes into account the specifics of a particular person.

Examples

Compliments, based on general merits and a specific assessment of a person’s worthy qualities

6. A compliment should not contain teachings or ambiguous phrases, otherwise it may evoke completely different feelings and associations than the author of the compliment expects.

Examples

Violations of the requirement of absence of ambiguity

“Vladimir Georgievich, you coped with your task brilliantly and at the same time shocked us all!”

“Your outfit is magnificent, Elena Pavlovna, but what might your colleagues think of you if you appear in it in the office?”

• 7. The compliment should take into account age characteristics. It is important for a child to have interesting books, toys, recognition of his academic success, etc. For teenagers, success in the desire to stand out, fashionable clothes, the opinion of peers, physical attractiveness, independence, the presence of gadgets, etc. are especially important. For a young man, sexual attractiveness, the prestige of the university where he studies, independence from his parents, and life experience are important. An adult will be sensitive to emphasizing his social status, professional success, and reputation. For older people, the success of their children, recognition of their life experience, etc. are especially significant.
• 8. It is important to consider gender differences. It is important for a woman to evaluate her appearance, femininity, education, career success, and personal charm. Men are sensitive to compliments regarding intelligence, social and economic status, dedication, and determination. Women are more demanding about the content of a compliment than men.

The compliment is especially successful against the backdrop of an anti-compliment to yourself.

“Sergey Yurievich, how did you manage to convince the head of the department? Yesterday I talked to him for an hour, and still without any result, and you resolved this issue in five minutes.”

An important factor in the effectiveness of a compliment is a person’s opinion about his own qualities and the level of reflection of these qualities in the compliment. For example, a person who has a phenomenal memory will not accept a compliment if it is noted that he remembered the phone number from the first utterance.

Knowledge of the psychological essence of a compliment will significantly increase the effectiveness of business contacts.

Psychology of relationships

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Every person loves to be complimented. A well-placed compliment can endear you to any person in one second, be it your good friend or just an acquaintance. And if we talk about compliments at work, then this can become one of the main reasons for your career growth. However, not everyone knows how to correctly praise another person. What are the ground rules for an appropriate tribute? This article will tell you about this.

Rule #1 – Give sincere compliments

Any compliment should be said with a sincere desire to praise the person. Don't think that people don't notice whether you're deceiving them or not. If not the first time, then by the second or fifth it will be clear whether you are truly praising the person or just being a sycophant.

Rule No. 2 – give original compliments

You should not say compliments that you read on the Internet or heard from your friends. Distinguish yourself with fresh ideas and an original mindset. For example, instead of saying, “You have beautiful eyes,” say, “Your eyes are like the color of the sea green, which attracts the attention of all men.” Again, don't use the above example, come up with something of your own.

Rule #3 – Personalize your compliments

Never tell your friends or colleagues that you like the clothes they are currently wearing. Instead, say that he or she looks great in these clothes. These are two different compliments, of which the second will sound much more attractive.

Rule No. 4 – make clear compliments

Don't use ambiguous phrases in your praise sentences. Give a direct compliment that the person will understand. Don't say, "I didn't even think you could wear a dress that size." A person may misunderstand the meaning of a compliment, even if you didn't mean anything bad. Such a phrase can only offend a person.

Rule #5 – Avoid comparisons

The right compliment consists of praise, but any comparisons must be avoided. You can say that your friend has a more stylish and fashionable ring than one of her friends. It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this. However, who knows what might end up? There are times when it was that friend who gave her this ring. The result may be an unpleasant embarrassment. Comparison is allowed only when you compare your interlocutor with yourself.

Rule No. 6 – prohibiting the word “Please” in response to “Thank you for the compliment”

Many people make this mistake when learning how to give compliments. Never say “Please” when you praised a person and he said “Thank you”. Such an answer on your part sounds as if you gave a compliment only because it was necessary to do so and it was your responsibility, and not a sincere desire.

All these rules must be followed in combination, and then you can become a real professional in the field of using the right compliments.