Anya fell head over heels in love with the man of her dreams. Handsome, gallant and very independent. “You’ll be behind him like behind a stone wall,” her friends told her. Kirill was older than her, he looked after her beautifully: he showered her with flowers, took her to restaurants, entertained her and anticipated her slightest desires. However, of all her desires, she soon had only one left: never to part with him. And therefore, when he proposed to her and they got married, Anya was happy and filled with gratitude. For his sake, she rushed from work (to meet him, to feed him), for his sake, she turned the house into a cozy nest (he needs to relax, rest), for his sake, she gave up all business trips and corporate parties (how can he be left alone, without her care!) .
The result was not long in coming. True, he was not quite what Anya expected.
At first, Kirill was amazed and thanked her profusely: “You are the first woman in my life who cares about me so much.” Then I got used to it. Then he began to be surprised if she forgot to give him a clean shirt or make his favorite pie. Then he began to get irritated and one day said, fixing his eyes on another detective story: “You crushed me with your concern.” Anya just sat down... She didn’t sleep all night, remembering the beginning and continuation of their relationship and came to a disappointing conclusion: the more she looked after Kirill, the more distant he became. She recalled his excuses, which she had not previously attached importance to: “Honey, you can do this better...”, “I can’t waste time on this, organize it yourself...”. And then she summed it up sadly: “I spoiled him myself, I need to take urgent action.”
THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR
However, not only Anya, many of us, remembering the wonderful beginning of our love years later, shrug our shoulders in bewilderment: “Where did that caring person, ready to rush into fire and water, go? How could he turn into a lazy creature lying in front of the TV?” Although outside of home, in the world of his work, he is the same: active, collected and even proactive. And one day the burden lying only on women’s shoulders becomes too heavy.
Now the woman is not silent, she begins to protest, to explain to her native man that it is impossible to continue living like this. She conflicts, convinces him, but he DOES NOT UNDERSTAND! Or DOESN'T he want to understand? And then some of the women give up and continue to silently carry the burden of worries for their “big boy”, while others break up with such amorphous men in order to find others, affectionate and caring...
They find it... and, alas, history repeats itself. And we, the beautiful half of the human race, have no idea that we ourselves make our man this way. We indulge his natural laziness, allow him not to help and not to participate, to lose and forget, to quarrel and sulk, and shout and whine. And we get the FRUITS OF OUR LABOR - a kind of “big son” who diligently tires out his loving “mommy”. After all, we ourselves often quite consciously behave towards men like mothers when we want to earn their love.
UNIVERSAL METHOD
Inside every man, no matter how old he is, there lives a baby who has been accustomed to female attention and care since childhood. His mother took care of him, teachers and educators took care of him... And now, when he, already an adult, is being nurtured by a woman, he emotionally seems to be returning to his carefree childhood. Damn good feeling! Therefore, he allows his wife to play the role of mother in his life. The man bites like a fish on a decoy. It turns out that a “motherly” attitude is a way to get the right man for yourself. And then instinct screams: “Take care of the one you love!”
The man quickly gets used to the sweet life. It may even seem to him that without “mommy” he will completely disappear. This is how a woman binds her beloved man to her. Getting used to receiving more than giving, the man gradually abdicates responsibility and the woman has to spin more and more on her own. And keep an eye on your beloved. What if he forgets everything, confuses everything, or dies of hunger? A man loses initiative and gives the reins of power to a woman. (Moreover, it’s easier for him to live in the role of a “son.”) So a woman, having entered the role of “mommy,” inevitably begins to control her beloved man.
WHAT WAITS FOR “MOMMY”?
The roles of “mother” and “son” may, at first, look very attractive for both lovers. But gradually this “role-playing game” begins to destroy the relationship “beloved man - beloved woman.” Why?
FIRST, you will get tired of being a workhorse (or abandoned, which is not sweeter). You will begin to grumble, nag, and suffer.
SECONDLY, any man feels like an accomplished person if he has asserted himself. He wants to demonstrate to the world (and especially to the woman he loves) how talented, smart, businesslike he is, and capable of taking responsibility for himself and his loved ones. And you treat him like a mother. His self-esteem is damaged. Sooner or later, a man will get tired of feeling like an inferior teenager and he will rebel. For some it will look like withdrawal (you live nearby, but they are strangers), for others it will be expressed in irritation and rudeness, for others it will calm down, for others they will run to a young woman (it is more difficult for her to control and care for him).
THIRD, it kills sexual relationships, because sex at the “mommy” - “son” level (and you subconsciously perceive each other this way) looks vulgar: “I’m a hungry boy, feed me.”
SYMBOL OF HAPPINESS
In order not to turn into a mommy for your own husband, remember the 7 main “don’ts” that will certainly help you. After all, every woman knows what to do for her loved one. So why not remember what you should NOT do? To remember, write the number “7” and hang it in a visible place. And to my husband’s question: “What is this?” - answer simply: “This is a symbol of our happiness.” Let this be your secret. It will only make you more attractive.
1 Do not rush to help at his first call. Wait, maybe you're only hearing an echo of his old childhood habit of "Mommy, save me." He himself will find a can of coffee or his briefcase with documents.
2 Don’t solve his problems and don’t do for him what he can handle himself. (If you have learned how to hammer nails, believe me, he can learn how to sew on buttons.) Assign responsibilities (or decide which ones you assign to him) and do not interfere - let him do it.
3 Don’t sweat the small stuff. If it’s unbearable, limit yourself to advice and let him decide for himself whether to use it or not.
4 Resist the temptation to intervene and help when you think he is doing something wrong. And if you start helping, don’t take the initiative.
5 Don't indulge his weaknesses. Let him be responsible for his own misdeeds. “Did you forget to buy groceries, honey? Don’t worry, today there will be porridge for dinner... without butter.”
6 Don't buy into flattery and pity.
7 Don't grumble or nag. Show that you believe in his strength, that you have no doubt: he can do anything. Thank him for the slightest manifestation of initiative and admire his care for you. Always express sincere faith in his powers.
CHANGES ARE INEVITABLE
What happens if you stop babysitting your big boy? At first he will be amazed and confused. Or he will start making a scandal, try to manipulate you: show maximum attention in order to demonstrate complete alienation the next day, fall into depression, rebel, appeal to your pity (I’ve lost my appetite, I’m sick), etc. Whatever form this manifests itself in, most likely, he will protest. It is likely that you will quickly get tired and want to give up.
Hold on! Habit is second nature.
And the longer you have been in the role of “mom,” the more difficult it is for your “son” to understand that changes are not a temporary whim, they are inevitable. Psychologists say that it takes about 6 weeks to develop and consolidate a new type of behavior. This is the minimum period that a person needs to adapt to changed conditions. Be patient and implement the new policy consistently and purposefully. Learn to ask affectionately and persistently, joyfully receive and trust a strong male shoulder.
But keep in mind that among men there are incorrigible specimens. Those who realize themselves at the expense of others, who are not capable of anything else. You can either run away from such a man, or consciously and for life take on the role of a “good mommy.” But in any case, it is better to make a conscious choice than to suffer all your life. If you still do not dare to even start, you will lose a lot of time and energy thinking. And you will never know what would have happened if...
“How is this possible? I did everything for him! Who was he when we met? Yes, he couldn’t really put two words together, I even helped him finish college, and how many times have I corrected his mistakes in life, how many times have I helped him find a way out of conflicts at work, with relatives, and acquaintances! And he..." A woman sitting in front of me is certainly smart, beautiful, well-groomed, with good taste. And with very angry and offended eyes.
There are thousands of such stories. Women are confident that they did the best for their husbands: they shared their experiences, helped them grow up, supported them in difficulties, instilled taste, opened the doors to the world of more subtle feelings - the list can be continued as long as you like. And he, for example, lost interest in her over time. He took a mistress. He went to someone else - and there may be a list of variations. The point is that he did not appreciate everything that she gave him, did not repay with devotion and fidelity, did not even thank her in words. A sad ending, but absolutely logical. Let's find out why.
Science is trying to instill in us the idea, supported by research and statistics, that girls mature earlier, this is biologically determined, and that is why in marriages where there is no significant age difference, the woman is by definition “older”, more mature, more ready for life and etc. Perhaps in some cases this is true. Or perhaps it’s just a matter of a parental stereotype: if in a girl’s family the mother was a mother to everyone, both to the children and to her own husband, then the girl just internalizes this stereotype. And it doesn’t matter how mature she really is mentally or physically. It is important that she sees only this stereotype of behavior - “a wife is like a mother.” Perhaps she strives to grow up more quickly only because she has an unconscious conviction: only she alone will be able to do something in the family in the future, a man is unlikely to help her seriously, he cannot be relied on. And consciously, she, like everyone else, will be “smart, kind and able to do everything,” but in her subconscious there is still the idea that she will have to “babysit” a man.
The bearer of such a program can be not only the girl’s mother - grandmother, aunt, but also the following plot: the girl’s mother, who finds it difficult to bear the burden of the family alone, from childhood shifts the care of her father or brothers to her growing daughter.
And not just ordinary everyday care for each other, which should be in every family - the mother conveys to her daughter confidence in total male helplessness and stupidity. “Cook daddy’s food, he can’t even fry eggs himself!” “Make sure your brother changes his shirt, otherwise he’ll wear it all out if you don’t remind him!” etc. A growing girl may not participate in this domestic service, but she can see the mother’s attitude towards her sons and husband. And this course of action becomes the only organic one. Mothers who consider their sons helpless, in need of constant “supervision,” “correction,” and domestic services, hand them over to their wives, who take up this baton of motherhood in relation to their husband.
And then everything is really logical: when over time the husband begins to pick up more and more maternal notes in his wife’s tone and actions, he loses sexual interest in her. After all, you can’t sleep with your mother - this is written in the deepest layers of the subconscious. So y. It happens that the human factor is the first to work. A man gets tired of feeling “unfinished” in the eyes of his wife, and seeks real respect and attention from others, this can be at work, among friends, or again the notorious mistress.
Ilona, 38 years old, came against the backdrop of a long marriage, the marriage has been on the verge of divorce for two years, her husband has a mistress. When we began to analyze her case, exactly the following anamnesis emerged: Ilona always considered her dad to be in need of care, less adaptable than her mother, who constantly saw his “mistakes” and tried to guide her father. He disappeared at work for weeks, often remained silent at home, and hid in his office. It happened that he would lash out at his mother, shouting that she had tortured him with her teachings, that he wanted to decide for himself what and how to do, and would do without her comments. His mother persistently proved to him why and why he was wrong. And sometimes she was silent, but her silence was very contemptuous...
This is the second significant moment in the formation of the “wife as mother” scenario: superiority.
A woman always knows better, she considers herself smarter, more fit or educated - each layer of society has its own list of values - the main thing is that a woman demonstrates to a man, albeit unconsciously: she is superior to him, she knows what is best.
When you talk to such women, it turns out that they often do not understand what this is fraught with: after all, for them, behind this constant pointing out the shortcomings and mistakes of their husband, there is a sincere desire to protect him from actions that could jeopardize his reputation or the financial affairs of the family, a desire help him do “what is best,” which, according to women, stems from love for her husband. But men perceive it differently.
When Ilona’s husband came for a consultation, I heard exactly what I expected: he loved her when they got married, and could not imagine such a development of events - a mistress, an impending divorce. But over time, he began to understand that in the eyes of his wife he still remained a boy who needed to be constantly raised and looked after, and he wanted to be respected and accepted for who he is, even if he makes mistakes. Ilona objected: what could she have done if initially he was less mature, and if she had not stopped him then... When I later asked her in a personal conversation if she was ready to forgive her husband and start all over again, she did not hesitate said yes. And we began to develop a different strategy of behavior.
Cheating is a very difficult lesson, and it is better to learn to change yourself in other, less painful situations. Yes, many women can say that the man was initially “to blame” because he was initially less prepared for family life, less mature, less intelligent, etc. Ilona and I discussed those mistakes of her husband that could lead, as it seemed to her, to fatal consequences. We simulated each situation and tried to imagine what would happen if Ilona abandoned her educational tactics. And it turned out that those very early mistakes were unlikely to lead to such serious consequences as she had imagined. As a result, Ilona herself came to the conclusion that if she had let go of control and stopped putting pressure on her with her recommendations, then her husband would have quickly learned to decide a lot of things and do the right thing himself, that he would have stood stronger on his feet, and most importantly, would have caused Elon has much more respect in the end. And it probably wouldn’t have come to that. And now, alas, on such difficult life material, she is trying to do exactly this - to give him the right to decide without judging him, to allow him to make a mistake and correct his mistake himself.
But there was something else. The feeling of superiority had its roots in the woman herself.
In her parental family, she did not have the right to vote, did not receive enough respect, her opinion was not really taken into account, constantly criticizing everything - from her actions to her appearance and manner of dressing. And from this she took away a huge feeling of self-doubt - both as a person and as a woman.
And as a result, her own family, her husband, became a field for revenge for her: she tried her best to prove her importance, forced her to take her opinion into account, actually forcing her family to live in accordance only with her plans and guidelines. Interestingly, this did not solve the problem; Ilona admitted that she still felt insecure, and while “correcting” and “educating” her husband, she did not respect and value herself more.
The strategy of behaving “like a mother” arises not only from an internalized stereotype, but also from a woman’s own insecurity.
And this is a serious reason to think about whether your superiority over an “immature” man is justified? After all, if just such a man came into your life - even if in fact an infantile man - then how mature are you? Are you not also behaving like a teenager, trying to defend your rights and, by humiliating others, to assert yourself at their expense? After all, a truly mature woman or girl has enough self-confidence to attract an equally confident and mature man into her life.
Our partner is always given to us to learn some life lessons, and therefore always reflects our own shortcomings in one way or another. And if you fall in love with a man who is “immature” in your opinion, then, instead of putting pressure on him with superiority, try to realize in what ways you yourself have not yet matured? And try to grow up together. It's never too late, even at the age our heroes are. Now they are trying to walk this path together, and I hope that they will succeed.
Everyone is familiar with the expression that everyday life destroys even the most romantic relationships. And so it is. But only partly. It is not everyday life that destroys relationships, but the transformation of a woman into a mother for her. Many women, remembering the wonderful beginning of their relationship, cannot understand where it all went. Where did the loving and caring man go and how did that sloth who is now lying on the sofa in front of the TV end up in his place?
Moreover, this sloth outside the home can be absolutely active and proactive. But in the family he goes with the flow and does not want to take responsibility. The burden lying on women's shoulders becomes more and more heavy and, ultimately, the woman can no longer remain silent and begins to explain to her man that she cannot continue to live like this, that she is tired and wants to see a knight next to her, a real man, and not little helpless boy. She wants to shift the responsibility for the family from her fragile female shoulders to his strong male ones, but the man does not want to take this responsibility. The woman convinces, conflicts, but he doesn’t understand her at all! Or maybe he just doesn’t WANT to understand?
As a result, some women give up and continue to be responsible for themselves and for “that guy.” There are also those who are with a “big boy” in order to find a “grown man”, reliable and caring. But in the next relationship the situation repeats itself. And all because there is no understanding that women themselves make men like this. Not all of them, of course, are isolated examples, eternal teenage boys (sometimes very difficult ;)) who will never grow up. But there are also completely normal men whom women turn into a kind of “big son”, indulging his natural laziness, allowing him not to participate and not help in anything, allowing him to shout, whine, pout, forget and lose. For him, they turn into a kind of loving mother, whom the overgrown child diligently wears out.
How not to become a mother for your husband
Unfortunately, women often behave this way quite deliberately when they want to earn money. Because this is a universal and working way to tie a man to you.
The fact is that in every man, no matter how independent and adult he is, there lives a little boy, accustomed from childhood to female care and attention. He was looked after by his mother and grandmothers, kindergarten teachers and school teachers. And when a woman begins to nurture him, already an adult, he emotionally returns to his carefree childhood. And this is a very pleasant feeling, you must agree! No worries, no worries, they love him unconditionally, take care of him and buy him toys. Therefore, he happily allows his wife to play the role of mother.
And it turns out that a “motherly” attitude towards a man is a way to get him and tie him to you. The instinct also turns on, saying that you need to take care of the one you love. A man quickly gets used to the sweet life and often it becomes simply difficult for him to cope without his mother. In this way, a woman binds a man to herself, giving him many times more than she receives from him.
Getting used to receiving more than giving, a man begins to take everything “for granted” and gradually abdicates responsibility. He ceases to be proactive and gives the reins of power to women’s hands, especially since it is more pleasant and easier for him to live in the role of a “son”. As a result, the woman has to take everything upon herself and spin more and more on her own. Moreover, keep a watchful eye on the child, so that he doesn’t forget, confuse, or die of hunger. She begins to control her man and “watch” his every move.
It seems that the man has been received and tamed, but there is no female happiness! And these “sons” periodically run “to the side” in order to at least somewhere feel like a man. And he is not drawn to the marital bed, since “mother” is in no way suitable for the role of a seductress and enchantress. He loses all “male” interest in her and simply fulfills his marital duty from time to time, often caring little about the woman’s emotional (and physical) pleasure.
How can a husband be a wife and not a mother?
In order not to become a mother for your husband, you need to remember not only what you need to do for your man, but also what you need NOT to do. I bring to your attention seven rules that are best memorized. And in order not to forget them, just write the number seven and hang it in a visible place (or, for example, buy a refrigerator magnet). If your husband starts to wonder what “this” means, there is no need to go into details and tell him everything. Just say that this is a symbol of your family happiness, and let him figure out the rest. After all, women have the right to their personal secrets and some mystery).
How not to become a mother for your husband: 7 rules
1. There is no need to rush to help at his first call, abandoning all your affairs. This call is probably just an echo of his childhood habit of “Mom, save me, help me.” Believe me, he can find his own socks, pour himself tea or heat food in the microwave.
2. Don't take it upon yourself to solve his problems and never do for him what he can handle himself. It is likely that your family’s traditions include that you set the table and feed your husband, but let it be limited to that. Believe me, if you have learned how to hammer nails, then he is quite capable of learning how to iron shirts and sew buttons. Distribute household responsibilities (or decide which ones you assign to him) and let him do them (without your intervention or control!).
3. Don’t take care of him over trifles, don’t baby him, don’t try to endlessly cheer him up and “play nice with him.” If you are completely unbearable, then limit yourself to advice, but do not do everything for him.
4. When it seems to you that he is doing something wrong, then resist the temptation to intervene and help (and sometimes do everything yourself). And even if you start helping him, don’t pull the blanket over yourself and don’t take any initiative.
5. Don't pander to his weaknesses and don't "feed him carrots" when he behaves irresponsibly. Forgot to buy groceries? "OK, darling. Today we will have tea and bread for dinner.”
6. Do not fall for flattery, as it is a means of manipulation and an attempt to “bribe” you. And even more so, don’t buy into pity, since you don’t need to feel sorry for a real grown man (it would be better if he takes pity on you), you just need to respect him. And when you regret, there is no way to respect.
7. Don't turn into a "saw" or a grumpy old lady. Always show him that you respect him, believe in his strength and have no doubt that he will succeed. Sincere faith in a man works wonders, he grows wings and wants to do more and more. Yes, and never forget to thank him for any initiative and be touched and admired by his care for you.
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At first, when you stop coddling your man, he may be surprised and confused. He may even begin to make trouble, and in the most extreme cases, even manipulate: today he will be very attentive and caring, and tomorrow he will be demonstratively cold and distant. He can rebel, feel sorry for himself (I’m sick, I suffer) and become depressed. In a word, he will express protest in one form or another. And you might even get tired of it and want to give up. But try to hold out! After all, habit is second nature, and the longer you were in the role of mom, the more difficult and difficult it will be for your “son” to understand that these changes are inevitable, and they are not your temporary whim.
If we take psychology, the minimum period of adaptation and development of a new type of behavior is 6 weeks. Therefore, be patient and carry out “educational work” without deviating a single step from the program. Work on yourself first. Learn to ask a man affectionately but persistently. Learn to trust a man and joyfully receive his help and care. Stop doing everything yourself and putting on your shoulders what you need and what you don’t need. Realize that your man has grown up a long time ago and, as an adult, he is fully capable of taking care of himself (and you, by the way, too!) on his own.
But keep in mind that there are also incorrigible instances. These are egoists who realize themselves at the expense of others and are incapable of anything else. You just need to leave such a man or accept the role of a “kind, caring mother” forever. It’s up to you to decide; it’s important to make this choice consciously.
If you choose such a role, then you definitely need to know what awaits you in this role of “mom to your husband.”
At first, the role of “mom” and “son” looks very attractive. But over time, this “role-playing game” begins to destroy the feelings and relationships “beloved man - beloved woman.”
2. Any man wants to demonstrate to everyone around him (and especially to his beloved woman) how businesslike, talented and smart he is. And how he is able to bear responsibility for himself and for his family. In a word, he wants to assert himself in order to feel like an accomplished person. And when a woman treats him as small (and sometimes as underdeveloped), his self-esteem is infringed.
At first, he may not even realize it and he will be pleased to spend his life in a “carefree childhood.” But, in the end, he will simply get tired of feeling like a little boy or an inferior teenager and he will rebel. For some, this will be expressed in rudeness, for others, they will simply withdraw into themselves and only the shadow of a man will be present in the family, and not he himself, it seems like the man exists, but at the same time, it’s as if he doesn’t exist. And it seems like people live nearby, but they are complete strangers to each other. Others have mistresses (read) and try to “rehabilitate” on the side. And some go into the virtual world of computer games or begin to “look into the bottle.”
3. Well, the worst thing about this whole situation is that intimate relationships are gradually fading away. Because lovemaking at the “mother” - “son” level (and subconsciously this is how people perceive each other) looks vulgar (like, for example, “Mommy, your boy is hungry, feed me”), and sometimes even causes rejection and disgust .
Do you still want to play the role of mom for your man? This is your choice. But then you will not be able to become a desired and beloved woman who you want to take care of. Which you want to please, conquer, and, most importantly, protect! Additionally, I advise you to read the articles
Hello, dear ladies! Quite often I encounter the problem of female self-identification in relationships. Girls take on the role of mother and rush around with a man like a child. There is nothing useful or right about this for a strong and healthy family. That's why today I would like to talk about how to stop being a mommy in a relationship.
A woman should be a woman
In the article "" I looked at various models of behavior of husband and wife in relationships. And the whole point is that no matter what kind of connection you have, partner, friendship or parental, the young lady must remain a woman. Weak, in need of protection and affection, feminine, sweet and gentle.
I will give you an example so that you understand me better. One of my clients is the director of a fairly large company. At work, she is an iron lady, a boss, she speaks sharply and clearly, does not muffle or coo with her subordinates. But as soon as she crosses the threshold of the house, she becomes tender and affectionate, a weak girl who needs male attention. She never allows herself to raise her voice at her husband or command him something in an orderly tone. She tries to be his wife, not his boss.
It is very important to be able to remove yourself from the social role that you perform at work, with your parents, with your children, with your friends. For your husband, you should always be a gentle and fragile creature that requires careful care. This doesn't mean you have to act up like a little princess. You should not assume that everything should be the way you want it. No. We'll talk about this a little later.
By the word woman I mean tenderness, attention to your partner, trepidation in relationships, easy pliability, wisdom and patience, affectionate appeal to your beloved and other feminine tricks.
Is it possible to change a man
A man cannot be changed. And it's not that they are anything special. You cannot change a single person on the planet. Even you cannot be changed. The whole point is that a person does not change under force, he changes of his own free will. If you learn this once and for all, then it will be much easier for you to relate to people. This is the first point.
The second point is that you yourself have the power to change the situation. Only you can change your attitude towards people, towards things, towards what is happening. If you don’t like the role of mommy in marriage, then you just need to not do for him those things that a husband should do himself. Stop patronizing your beloved at every step. He is, after all, a grown man. Until you change your attitude towards your spouse, until you change yourself and your behavior, nothing will happen. You will continue to bear the role of a mother.
The main thing is to have respect for each other. I developed this topic in the article “”. When you treat your partner with respect, you cannot have the desire to become a mommy for him. Because you understand him and your area of responsibility perfectly. Define your personal space. You give each other everything you need for happiness in your family life.
Remember that changes in your beloved husband begin when his wife changes. If you start working on yourself, pay more attention to your problems and your reactions, start with yourself, then you will see how much easier communication with others will become.
How to achieve harmony in the family
In healthy and harmonious families, partners should be equal. This means that a wife should not raise her husband, because she is not his mother. A man should not keep his beloved locked up, she is not a slave.
When a wife plays mother with her husband for a long time, he gradually gets used to it, learns to shift everything to her, understands that he doesn’t need to do anything, because the wife does everything herself. In such cases, I am very surprised by the young ladies’ reactions: how can he do this, why doesn’t the husband do anything himself, is he really so dependent. Dear ladies, you first make your men like this, and then complain about it.
If you have already begun to notice the role of mommy in yourself, then quickly get rid of it. You can do it gradually, not all at once. You can do it sharply and radically. Whatever you prefer. The main thing is to become gentle and defenseless so that your loved one becomes a real man next to you.
In the article “”, I discussed what mistakes wives most often make, what they lack to build healthy and strong relationships, and what girls should definitely learn. I think this article will be extremely useful to you.
Share your experience. Maybe you have a “crazy mom” friend who is trying to raise each of her men? Or have you yourself once suffered from similar behavior tactics? How did you get rid of it? What helped you and what hindered you?
By telling your story, you can help many girls avoid making similar mistakes in relationships.
Best wishes to you!
Yesterday a friend came to visit. Over a cup of coffee we discussed everyday topics - work, social news and household matters. A friend pours out her soul, complaining about her husband. They say he behaves like a child, and she is forced to play the role of a caring mother. And she’s terribly tired of this, and she can’t leave him to the mercy of fate - the little man will disappear :)
And then her mobile phone rang. The same old “kid” called (by the way, the kid is almost 40). Listening to their dialogue, I could hardly contain my laughter. Now I’ll try to retell it to you :)
-Are you already getting ready for training?
- Got ready.
- Put on the blue sweater that I hung on the chair.
- I already put on brown.
- You'll freeze in brown.By the way, I made an appointment for you to see the dentist tomorrow.
- I told you that I’ll sign up myself!
- Yes, you can’t do anything without me! I always have to solve all your problems!
Who is guilty?
After these words, my friend hung up and burst into tears. To be honest, on the one hand I felt sorry for her and really wanted to help look at the root of the problem. Based on this conversation, it was clear that her husband had no say in the family at all. And any attempt he makes to make a decision is suppressed by her.
I couldn’t stay away, I expressed my point of view on this matter, but my friend remained unconvinced: if she doesn’t do everything for her husband, he will disappear. Because only she can make the right decisions. And period. Well, okay, it’s, as they say, the boss’s business :)
In my opinion, it’s not that difficult for a man to stop being a motherfucker. Anyway, my mom succeeded :) 
How to behave?
It is necessary to allow a man to make decisions on his own. Even if your intuition says that nothing good will come of it. Do not forget that your companion is an adult and has long since flown out of his mother’s nest. And if he needed a hen, he wouldn’t have married at all :)
Every person needs freedom, even if he has been ringed for a long time. Do not forbid a man to see friends without your presence. Even if these people are unpleasant to you, you should not put a man before the choice “either me or them.” He himself will figure out how to allocate his time.
Do not forget to consult with a man, especially in important matters. Sometimes we show excessive independence, and then we are indignant that a man has burdened us with all the responsibilities.
And finally, the most important thing. Admire your man! Let him feel his importance in your eyes. This will make your partner more confident, loving and affectionate.
Are there any women “mommies” in your circle? How are their relationships with their husbands?
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