Consultation on the topic: Parenting styles in the family. Abstract family education styles.

Hello again! Based on the results of the voting, I chose the topic for writing the next article - "The influence of style family education on the child’s personality!

Enjoy reading and benefit your life!

In fact, I myself was wondering what style we are raising our son in. And do we even have any family parenting style? And what characteristics of our family parenting style?

It turns out we have a style.

Let's figure it out together.

There are several different classifications family styles education. And everyone family education style its characteristics.

The model of American psychologist Diana Baumrind is considered basic.

It is simple and understandable.

The author took two criteria as a basis.

1. Level of emotional acceptance of the child by parents
2. Level of parental control

And thanks to the combinations of these criteria, four styles of family education were identified.

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING STYLE

The name speaks for itself. Parents in the family occupy leading positions, being the authority for the child. This style is characterized by warm emotional acceptance of the child and high level control from adults.

Using authoritative family parenting style, parents recognize the child as an autonomous person, use a democratic style of communication and are ready for changes in the system of requirements as the child’s competence increases.

In such a family, there is practically no physical punishment or verbal aggression; parents try to use logic in communicating with children and strive to come to an agreement. They respect themselves and their children. Parents have good life experience and are responsible for their children.

Which influence renders authoritative family parenting style on the child's personality?

Like family parenting style forms in the child high self-esteem, self-acceptance, will and self-control, helps social adaptation in society, instilling a readiness to comply social rules and standards.

Good family parenting style, it is very close to me, but, like in any barrel of honey, a sleeping bee can get caught and sting your tongue...

This one has family education style one drawback. More precisely, a risk zone. Parents, themselves being highly developed people, form high expectations from their children, which can cause neuroticism in them. Moreover, boys get more than girls. The requirements for them are higher. But if you know about this, and most importantly, be able to relax in time and admit that in addition to victories, there are also defeats, and, most importantly, help the child to calmly deal with such situations, then the child will grow up in such a family self-confident, independent and a worthy successor to his parents .

AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING STYLE

Characteristic this one family education style like this.

Still the same high level of control, but against the background of a cold emotional attitude to the child.

With this attitude, the child’s communication with his parents is based on the “boss-subordinate” principle. Command-directive manner.

The system of requirements is rigid, rigid and does not change as the child grows and matures.

“I said so, it means so.” This is what an authoritarian parent's argument looks like.

Usually children are punished, thereby suppressing their will and any desire to be independent. They create inertia and dependence.

So what? influence renders this family parenting style on the personality of a growing child?

Such dictatorship often leads to increased aggression in older age. Children are socially maladaptive, lethargic and driven. Often in their families, if, of course, they are able to create one, they repeat their parents and themselves take the place of a dictator.

But, despite all the shortcomings, this family education style, there are also positive features in it.

Moreover, here I will step back from the theoretical side and share my thoughts and practice of our relationship with my son.

Deniska is 2 years 3 months old, I wrote about his “2-year crisis” and my confusion about how to behave in the article “”.

So, despite my reasonableness, desire to find a logical argument and approach to the child, there are times when I have to put my palm to my butt. And in a commanding and directive voice that does not require any objections, say “this is how it’s customary for us - if you please, carry it out.” And without objection.

Still for the youngest childhood Probably, from 1.5 to 4 years (these frames are very approximate and vary for each child), elements of an authoritarian style are necessary. At least to ensure the safety of the child.

A clear system of prohibitions. Socket, hot kettle, stove... Not allowed, period.

And, despite complete freedom and their own experience, children do not learn to take responsibility, set and achieve goals. After all, parents themselves do not take responsibility for their children and do not teach them this.

In general, in common parlance, liberal family parenting style one might call it “benevolent sloppiness.”

INDIFFERENT PARENTING STYLE

And the most unfavorable from the point of view of the formation of the child’s psyche and personality development is indifferent family parenting style.

Here to the negatives characteristics previous family education style there is also a lack of warmth towards the child.

The child is treated with disdain, ignoring his emotional needs.

These are cases, most likely, of an accidental or unwanted appearance of a child in a family. Well, since you were born, live, but don’t interfere.

In such families, insecure, anxious, fearful or, on the contrary, very aggressive children grow up.

There is a high probability of various kinds of addictions and antisocial behavior.

Formally, there are parents, but the parental functions are protection, support, acceptance and creating a safe and gentle entry into life for the child. adult life, in such a family are not fulfilled.

A child grows on his own from an early age. Thrown into the seething stream of life. He will swim, he will swim, he will drown, well, that means he is not a swimmer.

Another important thing is whether both parents agree on the choice family education style child.

It happens that a mother adheres to a liberal family education style, and dad is authoritarian. And then it turns out to be a game of good-bad cop.

What is possible with mom, is not possible with dad.

On the one hand, the child learns flexibility in interacting with adults, but on the other, this can lead to discord and conflict in the family.

No less bad is the inconsistency in family education style.

Today liberal parents good mood, and tomorrow - dictators because of problems at work.

I wrote in more detail about the rules of interaction and their importance for the harmonious functioning of the family in the article “”.

For older children family parenting style plays a lesser role than for children, etc.

There is no magic pill or recipe for all occasions, this model family parenting styles It only highlights the main generalized features and gives direction for reflection and awareness.

The more flexible the parents are, the more ready to grow and develop with the child, listen to his needs and change relationships if they become outdated and lose relevance, the more enjoyable and effective this relationship will be. family parenting style.

You and I are creators! So let's create and be proud of our creations!

Good luck to you and me on this path of trial, error and achievement!

And finally, I’ll give you a mini-test for self-checking. What is yours family parenting style?

In the modern practice of family education, three styles (types) of relationships are quite clearly distinguished: authoritarian, democratic and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.

The authoritarian style of parents in relations with children is characterized by severity, exactingness, and categoricalness. Threats, prodding, coercion are the main means of this style. In children it causes a feeling of fear and insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself externally in rudeness, deceit, and hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.

In the authoritarian type of parent-child relationship, A. S. Makarenko identified two varieties, which he called “the authority of suppression” and “the authority of distance and swagger.” He considered the authority of suppression to be the most terrible and savage type of authority. Cruelty and terror are the main features of this attitude of parents (usually fathers) towards children. Always keeping children in fear is the main principle of despotic relationships. This inevitably leads to raising children who are weak-willed, cowardly, lazy, downtrodden, “slush,” embittered, vindictive and, often, selfish.

The authority of distance and arrogance is manifested in the fact that parents, either “for educational purposes” or due to current circumstances, try to be away from their children - “so that they can amuse themselves.” Contacts with children of such parents are extremely rare; they entrusted their upbringing to their grandparents. Parents do not want to lose their prestige in the eyes of their children, but they get the opposite: the child’s alienation begins, and with it comes disobedience and difficulty in educating.

The liberal style presupposes forgiveness and tolerance in relations with children. The source is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined and irresponsible. A. S. Makarenko calls the permissive type of relationship “the authority of love.” Its essence lies in indulging the child, in the pursuit of child affection by showing excessive affection and permissiveness. In their desire to win a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, calculating person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of relating to children. A. S. Makarenko called teachers who show such forgiveness towards a child “pedagogical beasts” who carry out the most stupid, most immoral type of relationship.

The democratic style is characterized by flexibility. Parents, motivating their actions and demands, listen to the opinions of their children, respect their position, and develop independent judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better and grow up to be reasonably obedient, proactive, and developed sense self-esteem. They see in parents an example of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they themselves are.

1. Methods of raising children in the family

The ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out do not differ from common methods education, but have their own specifics:

The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and tailored to the individual.

The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding of the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.

Therefore, family education methods bear a vivid imprint of the personality of their parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods. For example, some parents’ persuasion is a gentle suggestion, while others have a threat or a scream. When a family's relationship with children is close, warm, and friendly, the main method is encouragement. In cold, alienated relationships, severity and punishment naturally prevail. The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to instill obedience - therefore the methods are aimed at ensuring that the child flawlessly fulfills the demands of adults; others consider it more important to teach independent thinking and initiative and usually find appropriate methods for this.

All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice), personal example, encouragement (praise, gifts, interesting prospects for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used.

There are various means of solving educational problems in the family. Among them are the word, folklore, parental authority, work, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, spiritual and family climate, press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys. , demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc.

The choice and application of parenting methods is based on a number of general conditions:

Parents' knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what relationships they have with classmates and teachers, with adults and with younger people, what they value most in people, etc. Seemingly simple information, but 41% of parents do not know what books their children read, 48% - what films they watch, 67% - what music they like; More than half of parents cannot say anything about their children's hobbies. Only 10% of students answered that their families know where they go, who they meet, and who their friends are. According to sociological research (1997), 86% of young offenders behind bars responded that their parents did not control their late returns home.

The personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of family relationships, and the desire to educate by personal example also affect the choice of methods. This group of parents usually chooses visual methods and uses teaching relatively more often.

If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail. Intensive communication during joint work, watching TV, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, and this helps parents understand them better. No joint activities- there is no reason or opportunity for communication.

The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education. It has long been noted that in families of educated people, children are always better brought up. Consequently, learning pedagogy, mastering the secrets of educational influence is not a luxury at all, but a practical necessity. “The pedagogical knowledge of parents is especially important during the period when the father and mother are the only educators of their child... From the ages of two to six years, the mental development and spiritual life of children depends decisively on... the elementary pedagogical culture of the mother and father, which is expressed in a wise understanding of the most complex mental movements of a developing person,” wrote V. A. Sukhomlinsky.

2. Styles and types of family education.

Each family objectively develops a certain, not always conscious, system of education. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, and methods of education, and taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family and 4 types corresponding to them can be distinguished family relations, which are the prerequisite and result of their occurrence: dictatorship, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic suppression by parents of initiative and self-esteem in children. Of course, parents can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, along with it there is a breakdown of many personality qualities: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and one’s capabilities, all this is a guarantee of unsuccessful personality formation.

Family care is a system of relationships in which parents, through their work, ensure that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for the reality beyond the threshold of their home. Such excessive care for a child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, is called overprotection. It leads to passivity, lack of independence, and difficulties in communication. There is also the opposite concept - hypoprotection, which implies a combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a complete lack of control. Children can do whatever they want. As a result, as they grow up, they become selfish, cynical people who are unable to respect anyone, do not deserve respect themselves, but at the same time still demand fulfillment of all their whims.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference.” It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in a family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family where the leading type of relationship is cooperation gains special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

There are 3 styles of family education - authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

In an authoritarian style, the desire of the parent is the law for the child. Such parents suppress their children. They demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider it necessary to explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all areas of the child’s life, and they do not always do it correctly. Children in such families usually withdraw and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children growing up in such a family adapt to the style of family relationships and become unsure of themselves and less independent.

A democratic style of family relationships is the most optimal for education. Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child’s behavior. They themselves provide him with the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without infringing on rights, they simultaneously require the fulfillment of duties; they respect his opinion and consult with him. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable care usually does not irritate children too much and they often listen to explanations of why one thing should not be done and another should be done. The formation of personality under such circumstances occurs without special experiences and conflicts.

With a permissive style, parents pay almost no attention to their children, do not limit them in anything, do not prohibit anything. Children from such families often fall under bad influence while growing up and in the future can raise a hand against their parents; they have almost no values.

3. Raising children in families of different structures.

Features of raising an only child in a family

There are two most common points of view on this matter. First: only child turns out to be more emotionally stable than other children, because he does not know the worries associated with rivalry between brothers. Second: an only child has to overcome more difficulties than usual in order to acquire mental balance, because he lacks a brother or sister (2, p. 86). No matter what psychologists say, the life of one - the only child in a family often develops in such a way that confirms precisely this second point of view. Difficulties, however, are not absolutely inevitable, and yet they occur so often that it would be foolish not to notice them.

Undoubtedly, parents with an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. They care too much about him just because he is their only one, when in fact he is just the first. Few are able to calmly and competently treat their firstborn the way we later treat subsequent children. main reason here is inexperience. There are, however, other reasons, which are not so easy to detect. Leaving aside some physical limitations, some parents are frightened by the responsibility that having children imposes on them, others are afraid that the birth of a second child will affect their financial situation, others, although they will never admit it, simply do not like children, and they are quite One son or one daughter is enough.

Some obstacles to the mental development of children have a very specific name - greenhouse conditions, when the child is groomed, cuddled, pampered, caressed - in a word, carried in their arms. Because of such excessive attention mental development it inevitably slows down. As a result of the excessive indulgence with which we surround him, he is sure to encounter very serious difficulties and disappointments when he finds himself outside home circle, since he will also expect attention from other people, which he is used to in his parents’ house. For the same reason, he will begin to take himself too seriously. Precisely because his own horizons are too small, many little things will seem too big and significant to him. As a result, interacting with people will be much more difficult for him than for other children. He will begin to withdraw from contacts and seclude himself. He has never had to share parental love with his brothers or sisters, not to mention games, his own room and clothes, and he has difficulty finding mutual language with other children and their place in the children's community.

How to prevent all this? With the help of a second child - many will say. And this is true, but if some special problems can be solved in this way, then where is the confidence that as soon as we give birth to another child, we will immediately achieve complete adaptation of the first. In any case, you need to do your best to overcome the desire to raise a child in greenhouse conditions. It can be argued that raising an only son or only daughter is much more difficult than raising several children. Even if the family is experiencing some financial difficulties, it cannot be limited to one child. The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The concerns of the father and mother, focused on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is endured very hard by such a family, and the fear of such misfortune always faces the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, an only child gets used to his exclusive position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they raise an egoist.

For mental development, every child requires mental space in which he could move freely. He needs internal and external freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child cannot do without a dirty face, torn pants and fights.

An only child is often denied such space. Consciously or not, the role of a model child is imposed on him. He must say hello especially politely, read poetry especially expressively, he must be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. Ambitious plans are being made for him for the future. Each manifestation of life is carefully observed, with hidden concern. Lack of good advice the child does not experience it throughout childhood. Such an attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating, scattered child.

But this may not be the case, since there are fundamental rules in behavior with only children. They can all be formulated in one sentence, which should become a law for every family with one child: just no exclusivity!

Specifics of education in a large family

The educational potential of a large family has its positive and negative characteristics, and the process of socialization of children has its own difficulties and problems.

On the one hand, here, as a rule, reasonable needs and the ability to take into account the needs of others are cultivated; none of the children have a privileged position, which means there is no basis for the formation of selfishness and asocial traits; more opportunities for communication, caring for younger ones, learning moral and social norms and hostel rules; such moral qualities, such as sensitivity, humanity, responsibility, respect for people, as well as qualities of social order - the ability to communicate, adapt, tolerance. Children from such families turn out to be more prepared for married life; they can more easily overcome role conflicts associated with the inflated demands of one spouse on the other and low demands on themselves.

However, the process of education in a large family is no less complex and contradictory. Firstly, in such families, adults quite often lose their sense of justice in relation to children and show unequal affection and attention to them. An offended child always acutely senses a lack of warmth and attention to him, reacting to this in his own way: in some cases, with accompanying psychological state for him there is anxiety, a feeling of inferiority and self-doubt, in others - increased aggressiveness, inadequate reaction to life situations. Older children in a large family are characterized by categorical judgments and a desire for leadership and guidance even in cases where there is no reason for this. All this naturally complicates the process of socialization of children. Secondly, in large families, the physical and mental stress on parents, especially the mother, increases sharply. She has less free time and opportunities to develop children and communicate with them, to show attention to their interests. Unfortunately, children from large families more often take socially dangerous paths of behavior, almost 3.5 times more often than children from other types of families.

A family with many children has fewer opportunities to meet the needs and interests of a child, who is already given significantly less time than in a family with one child, which, naturally, cannot but affect his development. In this context, the level of material security of a large family is very significant. Monitoring the socio-economic potential of families has shown that the majority of large families live below the poverty threshold.

Raising a child in a single-parent family

The child always suffers deeply if the family hearth collapses. Family separation or divorce, even when everything happens in highest degree politely and courteously, invariably causes mental breakdown and strong feelings in children. Of course, it is possible to help a child cope with growing difficulties in a separated family, but this will require a lot of effort from the parent with whom the child will remain. If family separation occurs when the child is between 3 and 12 years of age, the consequences are felt especially acutely.

The separation of a family or the divorce of spouses is often preceded by many months of disagreements and family quarrels, which are difficult to hide from the child and which greatly worry him. Moreover, his parents, busy with their quarrels, also treat him poorly, even if they are full of good intentions to protect him from solving their own problems.

The child feels the absence of his father, even if he does not openly express his feelings. In addition, he perceives his father's departure as a rejection of him. A child may retain these feelings for many years.

Very often, after family separation or divorce, the mother is forced to take a well-paid job and, as a result, may devote less time to the child than before. Therefore, he feels rejected by his mother.

What can be done to help a child in a broken home? Explain to him what happened, and do it simply, without blaming anyone. To say that this happens to many people and therefore let it be better as it is. The child can be protected from unnecessary worries when the separation of the family is as final for him as for the parents. Father's visits, especially if they become less and less frequent over time, each time again and again cause the baby to feel that he has been rejected. The younger the child is at the time of family separation or divorce, the easier it is for the father to part with him. The child certainly needs to be prepared for his father’s departure. Help your child grow up and become independent so that he does not become overly and unhealthy dependent on you. One of the most common mistakes is the mother's overprotection of her son.

It would seem that the mother does everything with the best intentions: she wants to give her son more attention, surround him with more care, wants to feed him better food, dress him better, etc. But by making these efforts, often heroic, sacrificing herself, her interests, desires, health, the mother literally emasculates everything masculine in the boy’s character, making him lethargic, lacking initiative, and incapable of decisive masculine actions.

If parents do not live together, if they are separated, then it has a very painful effect on the upbringing of the child. Children often become the subject of contention between parents who openly hate each other and do not hide this from their children.

It is necessary to recommend to those parents who, for some reason, leave each other, that in their quarrel, in their disagreement, they think more about the children. Any disagreements can be resolved more delicately. You can hide from your children both your dislike and your hatred for ex-spouse. It is, of course, difficult for a husband who has left his family to somehow continue raising children. And if he can no longer have a beneficial influence on his old family, then it’s better to try so that she completely forgets him, it will be more honest. Although, of course, he must continue to bear his material obligations towards the abandoned children.

The question of family structure is a very important issue, and it must be approached quite consciously.

If parents truly love their children and want to raise them as best as possible, they will try not to lead their mutual disagreements to a break and thereby not put their children in the most difficult situation.

Chapter No. 2 Factors influencing the formation of a child’s personality.

1.Family as a factor in personality formation.

Among various social factors influencing the development of personality, one of the most important is the family. Traditionally, the family is the main institution of education. What a person acquires in the family, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of family is due to the fact that a person lives in it for a significant part of his life. The foundations of personality are laid in the family.

In the process of close relationships with mother, father, brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers and other relatives, a personality structure begins to form in the child from the first days of life.

In the family, the personality of not only the child, but also his parents is formed. Raising children enriches the personality of an adult and enhances his social experience. Most often this happens unconsciously among parents, but in Lately Young parents began to meet, consciously raising themselves as well. Unfortunately, this position of parents has not become popular, despite the fact that it deserves the closest attention.

In the life of every person, parents play a large and responsible role. They give the child new patterns of behavior, with their help he learns the world, he imitates them in all his actions. This tendency is increasingly strengthened by the child’s positive emotional connections with his parents and his desire to be like his mother and father. When parents realize this pattern and understand that the formation of the child’s personality largely depends on them, then they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior as a whole contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values ​​that they want to convey to him. This process of education can be considered quite conscious, because constant control over one’s behavior, attitude towards other people, attention to the organization family life allows children to be raised in the most favorable conditions conducive to their comprehensive and harmonious development.

The family influences the personality of adults not only in connection with raising children. Relationships between representatives play a large role in the family. different generations, as well as within the same generation (spouses, brothers, sisters, grandparents). The family is like a small one social group influences its members. At the same time, each of them influences the life of the family with his personal qualities and behavior. Individual members of this small group can contribute to the formation of the spiritual values ​​of its members and influence the goals and life attitudes of the entire family.

All stages of development require a person to adapt to new social conditions, helping the individual to enrich himself with new experiences and become socially more mature. Many stages of family development can be anticipated and even prepared for. However, in life there are situations that cannot be predicted, because... arise instantly, as if spontaneously, for example, a serious illness of one of the family members, the birth of a sick child, death loved one, troubles at work, etc. Such phenomena also require adaptation from family members, because they have to find new methods of relationship. Overcoming a crisis situation most often strengthens the unity of people. However, it happens that such a situation becomes a turning point in the life of a family, leads to its disintegration, and disorganizes its life. (1, p. 31)

Family is of great importance for personal development. Children who are deprived of the opportunity to directly and constantly participate in the life of a small group consisting of relatives and people close to them lose a lot. This is especially noticeable among young children living outside the family - in orphanages and other institutions of this type. The personality development of these children often proceeds in a different way than that of children raised in a family. Mental and social development These children are sometimes delayed, and their emotions are inhibited. The same can happen to an adult, because... The lack of constant personal contacts is the essence of loneliness, becomes the source of many negative phenomena and causes serious personality disorders.

It is known that the presence of other people influences the behavior of many people. Many individuals behave differently in the presence of other people than when they are alone. Moreover, if a person feels benevolent, good relations those present, then he most often has a certain incentive to take such actions that will cause the approval of the people around him and help him appear in the best light. If a person feels an unfriendly attitude, then he develops resistance, which manifests itself in the most different ways. Fine well-mannered person overcomes this protest with conscious effort.

In a small group where friendly relationships reign, the team has a very strong influence on the individual. This is especially evident in the formation of spiritual values, norms and patterns of behavior, and the style of relationships between people. Due to its characteristics, the family is like small group creates for its members such conditions for emotional needs that, by helping a person feel that he belongs to society, increase his sense of security and peace, and evoke a desire to provide help and support to other people.

The family has its own structure, determined by the social roles of its members: husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter, sister and brother, grandfather and grandmother. Interpersonal relationships in the family are formed on the basis of these roles. The degree of a person’s participation in family life can be very diverse, and depending on this, the family can have more or less influence on the person.

The family plays a colossal role in the life and activities of society. The functions of the family can be considered both from the perspective of realizing the goals of society, and from the perspective of fulfilling one’s responsibilities towards society. The family as a microstructure satisfies important social needs and performs important social functions.

Due to its reproductive function, the family is a source of continuation human life. This is the social group that initially shapes a person’s personality. The family contributes to increasing the creative and productive forces of society. The family introduces its new members into society, passing on to them language, morals and customs, basic patterns of behavior that are mandatory in a given society, introduces a person into the world of spiritual values ​​of society, and controls the behavior of its members. Social features families manifest themselves not only in relation to children, but also in relation to spouses, because Married life is a process that plays big role in the life of society. One of the most important functions family - creating conditions for the development of the personality of all its members. The family satisfies various human needs. In marriage, husband and wife find the happiness of intimate communication. The birth of children brings joy not only from the knowledge of the continuation of one’s family, but also makes it possible to look into the future with more confidence. In a family, people take care of each other. The family also satisfies a variety of human needs. In a person’s married life, the feeling of love and mutual understanding, recognition, respect, and a sense of security are most clearly manifested. However, meeting one's needs is associated with fulfilling certain family functions.

Unfortunately, families do not always fulfill their functions. In such cases, the problem of the asocial role of the family arises. Families who are unable to provide security for their members do not fulfill their functions, the necessary conditions everyday life and mutual assistance if some values ​​are incorrectly presented in the family. In addition, when a family raises emotionally immature people with a weakened sense of danger, with human qualities that are far from social norms, it harms its people.

When considering the role of the family in the life of every person, it is also necessary to note its psychological function, because It is in the family that all those personality qualities that are valuable to society are formed. (6, p. 133)

Every person throughout his life, as a rule, is a member of two families: the parental family from which he comes, and the family that he creates himself. Life in the parents' family lasts until approximately adolescence. During the period of maturity, a person gradually gains independence. The further one goes, the more life, professional and social experience a person accumulates, and the family begins to play an increasingly important role for him.

Very good for family development important stage is the entry of a man and a woman into a marital union. The birth of the first child opens the parental stage, and after the children gain independence, we can talk about the phase of secondary married life. Different periods in a family's life correspond to different periods of time and different needs. Determining the duration of individual periods of a family’s life is difficult due to the different timing of marriage of partners. In this regard, it can be very difficult to link family development with periods of personality development, but coordination of the seed and life cycles is necessary.

From point of view social psychology matrimony is a special group consisting of two persons of the opposite sex. These are two personalities, two individuals who have decided to spend their future lives together. Spouses mutually satisfy emotional, social, and intimate needs, help each other in realizing personal goals, together strive to improve the material conditions of their lives, and jointly create the economic base of the family. The foundations of the family are formed social positions spouses in relation to each other. The leading role in the family usually belongs to the spouse who has greater influence and is able to make decisions when problems arise in the process. life together. Usually this is a man, but these days there is both a shift in the leadership of the family towards a woman and equality between spouses. It goes without saying that when determining family positions, cultural traditions, as well as the personal traits of each spouse. The formation of the structure, and, consequently, the distribution of roles in the family is seriously influenced by changes occurring in the social microstructure. The distribution of responsibilities in the family is associated with the roles that the husband and wife take on.

After creating a family, the process of mutual adaptation to each other begins. And here great importance is the ability of people to make compromises, show tolerance and restrain themselves in conflict situations. Difficulties that arise in family life very often become the cause of a marriage crisis, and in some cases the help of a psychologist is desirable, but in most cases young people cope on their own. (8, p. 70)

The birth of a child is a significant event in the life of spouses, indicating the entry of the family into a new period of development. This is another test for the spouses. They begin to fulfill new social roles - mother and father; entering a new social role is always difficult and requires preparation. In this case, such preparation is pregnancy. Future parents gradually prepare in thoughts and imagination for the change that is about to happen in their lives; at the same time they prepare their surroundings. They have to seriously change their established lives. During pregnancy, spouses begin to form attitudes towards the future child. Factors that matter here include whether the child is desirable or undesirable, as well as the desire of one of the parents to have a child of a certain gender. All this can later affect education.

Parents' roles are comprehensive and multifaceted. Parents are responsible for their child's choices life position. The birth of a child and the need to provide him with conditions for development entail a certain reorganization of home life. But in addition to caring for children, the roles of parents also extend to the formation of the child’s personality, the world of his thoughts, feelings, aspirations, and the education of his own “I”. The harmonious development of a child’s personality is associated not only with the presence and active activity of each parent in the family, but also with the consistency of their educational actions. Disagreements in educational methods and interpersonal relationships of parents do not allow the child to understand and comprehend what is good and what is bad. In addition, when the agreement between the parents is violated, when the people closest to the child, the people who are his support, are in a quarrel, and besides, he hears that this is happening for reasons concerning him, then he cannot feel confident and safe . And hence children’s anxiety, fears and even neurotic symptoms. Relationships between family members are very important for a child. And it is especially important for him to understand how adults treat him. (17, p. 351)

The nature of the emotional relationship of parents to the child can be called the parental position. This is one of the most important factors shaping a child’s personality. There are several variations of this factor, from dominance to complete indifference. Both the constant imposition of contacts and their complete absence are harmful to the child. It is very important to establish contact with the child so that later we can talk about giving on the part of the child. First of all, you need to approach the child without exaggerated concentration of attention, but also without excessive emotional distance, i.e. What is needed is free contact, not tense or too weak and random. It's about about such an approach, which can be characterized as balanced, free, aimed at the mind and heart of the child, focused on his actual needs. This should be an approach based on a certain independence, moderately categorical and persistent, which is support and authority for the child, and not an imperious, commanding order or a compliant, passive request. Violations of contact with the child manifest themselves in several characteristic forms, for example, excessive aggressiveness or the desire to correct the child’s behavior. (5, p. 56)

From a very early age, the correct process of child development is carried out primarily thanks to the care of parents. Small child learns from his parents to think, speak, understand and control his reactions. Thanks to personal models, such as his parents, he learns how to relate to other family members, relatives, acquaintances: who to love, who to avoid, who to more or less reckon with, who to express his sympathy or antipathy to, when to restrain his reactions. The family prepares the child for the future independent life in society, conveys spiritual values ​​to it, moral standards, patterns of behavior, traditions, culture of their society. Guiding, coordinated educational methods of parents teach the child to be relaxed, at the same time he learns to manage his actions and actions in accordance with moral standards. The child develops a world of values. In this multilateral development, parents, by their behavior and by example provide great help to the child. However, some parents can complicate, inhibit, even disrupt the behavior of their children, contributing to the manifestation of pathological personality traits in them.

A child raised in a family where his parents are personal models receives preparation for subsequent social roles: woman or man, wife or husband, mother or father. In addition, social pressure is quite strong. Children are typically praised for gender-appropriate behavior and reprimanded for gender-appropriate behavior. opposite sex. Proper sex education for a child and the formation of a sense of belonging to one’s own gender constitute one of the foundations further development their personalities.

As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of a person as an individual can be accelerated and made more successful than using punishments and prohibitions. If the need for punishment nevertheless arises, then in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments, if possible, should follow directly after the deserving offense. Punishment is more effective if the offense for which the child is punished is clearly explained to him. Something very severe can make a child afraid or angry. Any physical impact forms in the child the belief that he, too, can act by force when something does not suit him.

A child’s behavior largely depends on his upbringing in the family. Preschoolers, for example, often see themselves through the eyes of adults. Thus, a positive or negative attitude towards him from adults forms his self-esteem. Children who have low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in families where parents often scold the child or set excessive goals for him. In addition, a child who sees that parents do not get along often blames himself for this, and as a result, self-esteem is again low. Such a child feels that he does not correspond to the wishes of his parents. There is another extreme - inflated self-esteem. This usually happens in families where the child is rewarded for small things, and the punishment system is very lenient.

It goes without saying that children with inadequate self-esteem subsequently create problems for themselves and their loved ones. Therefore, from the very beginning, parents should try to form adequate self-esteem in their child. What is needed here is a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise in front of the child are excluded, gifts for actions are rarely given, and extremely harsh punishments are not used.

In addition to self-esteem, parents also set the child’s level of aspirations - what he aspires to in his activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success, and in case of failure they can suffer severe mental trauma. Children with low aspirations and low self-esteem do not aspire to much, either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, quickly come to terms with failures, but at the same time they often achieve a lot. (19, p. 79)

Lecture No. 15

Family psychology

Family. Types of families.

Types and styles of family education.

The role of the family in the education and development of personality.

1. Family. Types of families

We find the first requirements for a person’s personality and his behavior, as a result of family upbringing, already in the biblical commandments: do not steal, be respectful to your elders.

Family - a special intimate group, social association, community, whose members are connected by marriage or kinship ties, a community of everyday life, which carries out the reproduction of the population and the continuity of family generations, the socialization of children and support for the existence of family members who bear mutual moral responsibility.

The basis of family education was the authority of the parents, their deeds and actions, family traditions. It is parents - the first educators - who have the strongest influence on children.

Depending on the number of children, families are:

Large families,

Small children,

Single children,

Childless.

By composition:

Same generation (spouses),

Two-generation (parents + children),

Intergenerational (parents + children + parents' parents).

Lately, single-parent families have become quite common.

It is noted that the family circumstances in which children grew up leave an imprint on their entire life and even predetermine their fate.

The success of education largely depends on the unity and consistency of the educational influence of the family and educational institutions.

An effective stimulating factor in the development of students is the creation of a working atmosphere in the whole world. Children should make whatever contribution they can to creating the well-being of the family.

Parents must take into account the age and individual characteristics of their children and treat them (despite their age) with respect.

Forming proper relationships between children, children and adults is an important task for parents.

2.Types and styles of family education

How many families there are, so many characteristics of upbringing, and yet it is possible to identify typical models of relationships between adults and children in families. The analysis is based on the modification of relationships as one of the fundamental characteristics of interpersonal relationships. Relationships are defined by the degree of tension and the consequences of negative influences on the upbringing of children.

Families that respect children. Children in such families are loved. Parents know what they are interested in and what worries them. They respect their opinions and experiences and try to help tactfully. Develop children's interests. These are the most favorable for raising a family. The children there grow up happy, proactive, independent, and friendly. Parents and children experience a strong need for mutual communication. Their relationships are characterized by the general moral atmosphere of the family - decency, frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships.

Responsive families. Relations between adults and children are normal, but there is a certain distance that parents and children try not to violate. Children know their place in the family and obey their parents. Parents themselves decide what their children need. Children grow up obedient, polite, friendly, but lack initiative. They often do not have their own opinions and are dependent on others. Parents delve into the concerns and interests of their children, and children share their problems with them. Outwardly, the relationship is prosperous, but some deep, intimate connections may be disrupted.

Material-oriented families. The main attention is paid to material well-being. Children in such families are taught from an early age to look at life pragmatically, to see their own benefit in everything. They are forced to study well, but for the sole purpose of entering a university. The spiritual world of parents and children is impoverished. Children's interests are not taken into account; only “profitable” initiative is encouraged. Children grow up early, although this cannot be called socialization in the full sense of the word. Relationships with parents that lack a spiritual foundation can develop unpredictably. Parents try to understand the interests and concerns of their children. Children understand this. But most often they don’t accept it. The point is that the high thoughts of parents in this case are often dashed by the low pedagogical culture of implementation. Dreaming and hoping to warn children from dangers, make them happy, and ensure their future, parents actually doom their pets to undue restrictions and even suffering.

Hostile families. Children in such families feel bad: disrespect for them, mistrust, surveillance, corporal punishment. Children grow up secretive, unfriendly, have a bad attitude towards their parents, do not get along with each other and with their peers, do not like school, and may leave the family. The mechanism of relations here is like this. The behavior and life aspirations of children cause conflicts in the family, and at the same time, the parents are right (most likely right). This kind of situation is usually associated with the age characteristics of children, when they cannot yet appreciate the experience of their parents and their efforts for the benefit of the family. Parents' justifiable grief is caused by their children's one-sided hobbies to the detriment of their studies, basic activities, and in some cases, immoral acts.

It is important that parents in such situations strive to understand the motives of their children’s behavior and show sufficient respect for their reasons and arguments. After all, children, although they are wrong, are sincerely convinced that they are the ones who are right, that their parents do not want or are not able to understand them. Even though parents are right, it is useful for them to know that there are psychological barriers to communication: insufficient knowledge of each other by those communicating, unacceptable communication skills, mutual perception, differences in characters, opposing desires, negative emotions.

Antisocial families. These are more likely not families, but temporary shelters for children who were not expected here, are not loved, and are not accepted. Parents, as a rule, lead an immoral lifestyle: they conflict, threaten each other and their children, drink, steal, and fight. The influence of such families is extremely negative, in 30% of cases it leads to antisocial behavior. Children from such families are usually taken into state custody.

In modern practice of family education, there are quite clearly three styles (types) of relationships: authoritarian, democratic and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.

Authoritarian style Parents' relationships with children are characterized by severity, exactingness, and categoricalness.

Threats, prodding, coercion are the main means of the authoritarian style. In children it causes a feeling of fear and insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself externally in rudeness, deceit, and hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.

Liberal style presupposes forgiveness and tolerance in relations with children.

The source of the liberal style is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined and irresponsible. Permissive type of attitude A.S. Makarenko calls it “the authority of love.” Its essence lies in indulging the child, in the pursuit of child affection by showing excessive affection and permissiveness. In their desire to win a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, calculating person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of relating to children.

Democratic style characterized by flexibility.

Parents, with a democratic style of communication, motivate their actions and demands, listen to the opinions of their children, respect their position, and develop independent judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better and grow up to be reasonably obedient, proactive, and with a developed sense of self-esteem. They see in parents an example of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they themselves are.

The content of upbringing in the family is determined by the general goal of a democratic society. The family is obliged to form a physically and mentally healthy, moral, and intellectually developed personality, ready for the upcoming work, social and family life. The components of the content of family education are famous destinations– physical, moral, intellectual, aesthetic, labor education. They are complemented by patriotic, economic, environmental, political, and sexual education of the younger generations.

Physical education children and youth come to the fore today. No one doubts anymore that the priority of health cannot be replaced by any other. Physical education in the family is based on healthy way life and includes the correct organization of the daily routine, playing sports, hardening the body, etc.

Intellectual education presupposes the interested participation of parents in enriching children with knowledge, creating the need for their acquisition and constant updating. The development of cognitive interests, abilities, inclinations and inclinations is placed at the center of parental care.

Moral education in the family is the core of the relationships that shape personality. Here, the education of enduring moral values ​​- love and respect, kindness and decency, honesty, justice, conscience, dignity, duty - comes to the fore. Other moral qualities are also formed in the family: reasonable needs, discipline, responsibility, independence, frugality.

Aesthetic education in the family is designed to develop the talents and gifts of children, or at least give them an idea of ​​the beauty in the life around them. This is especially important now, when previous aesthetic guidelines are being questioned, many false values ​​have appeared, confusing both children and parents, destroying them inner world, the harmony inherent in nature.

The labor education of children in the family lays the foundation for their future righteous life. A person who is not accustomed to work has only one path - the search for an “easy” life. It usually ends badly. If parents want to see their child on this path, they can afford the luxury of removing themselves from labor education.

For parents, family education is the process of consciously shaping the physical and spiritual qualities of their children. Every father and every mother should understand well what they want to raise in their child. This determines the conscious nature of family education and the requirement for a reasonable, balanced approach to solving educational problems.

4. The role of the family in the education and development of personality

The ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out do not differ from general methods of education, but have their own specifics:

The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and adapted to the individual;

The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding of the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.

Therefore, family education methods bear a vivid imprint of the personality of their parents and are inseparable from them. There are so many varieties of methods for as many parents as there are. For example, some parents’ persuasion is a gentle suggestion, while others have a threat or a scream. When a family's relationship with children is close, warm, and friendly, the main method is encouragement. In cold, alienated relationships, severity and punishment naturally prevail. The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to instill obedience - therefore the methods are aimed at ensuring that the child flawlessly fulfills the demands of adults; others consider it more important to teach independent thinking and initiative and usually find appropriate methods for this.

All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice), personal example, encouragement (praise, gifts, interesting prospects for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used.

There are various means of solving educational problems in the family. Among them are the word, folklore, parental authority, work, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, the spiritual and moral climate of the family, the press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys, demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc.

The choice and application of parenting methods is based on a number of general conditions:

Parents’ knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what relationships they have with classmates and teachers, with adults and with younger people, what they value most in people, etc. .d.

The personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of family relationships, and the desire to educate by personal example also affect the choice of methods. This group of parents usually chooses visual methods and uses teaching relatively more often.

If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail.

Intensive communication during joint work, watching TV, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, and this helps parents understand them better. No joint activities - no reason or opportunity for communication

CONTENT
Introduction 3

1 Family is a special social group and cultural community,

sphere of personality self-actualization 5

2 History of family education styles according to time 7

3 Styles of modern family education:

authoritarian, liberal, democratic 9

4 Types of relationships between adults and children in families 12

5 Classifications unfavorable for the child

family parenting styles 14

Conclusion 17

INTRODUCTION
The importance of raising children in a family is of great importance. Interpersonal relationships in the family and their influence on the formation of the personality and behavior of children are as follows: a very important factor in the emotional balance and mental health of a child is the stability of the family environment.
The “quality” of the family, its educational ability, is of great importance. A family that is unable to educate leads to serious disruptions in the process of socialization of the child.
If children have a poor relationship with one or both parents, if children feel that they are considered worthless, or do not feel parental support, they may become involved in criminal activity; will turn against other children; peers will describe them as aggressive; will behave aggressively towards their parents.
Provocative social behavior of a teenager, violating the norms and rules of behavior accepted among adults, unpleasant behavioral symptoms are most often a psychological consequence or reflection of a general teenage crisis and, as a rule, disappear on their own when the teenager becomes an adult and his consciousness changes.
The aspect of family relationships that is of greatest interest to psychologists and educators is the nature of family leadership, that is, the actions of parents aimed at “guiding children on the right path” or changing their behavior. Some parents rarely intervene: when raising, they deliberately adhere to a policy of non-interference - they allow the child to behave as he wants or simply do not pay attention to him, not noticing whether his behavior is acceptable or unacceptable. Other parents intervene frequently, either by rewarding (for behavior consistent with social norms) or punishing (for unacceptable aggressive behavior). Sometimes parents unintentionally reward aggressive behavior or punish socially accepted behavior. Whether intentional or unintentional, reinforcement significantly predicts the development of aggressive behavior.
Research on the relationship between family leadership practices and aggressive behavior in children has focused on the nature and severity of punishments, as well as parental control of children's behavior.
In general, it has been found that harsh punishment is associated with relatively high levels of aggression in children, and insufficient supervision and supervision of children correlates with high levels of antisociality, often accompanied by aggressive behavior.
Every child has the right to be loved, but he may be denied this right if the parents do not have the ability to first teach the child to be moderately compliant and non-aggressive.
Therefore, every parent needs to learn how to be a teacher, learn to manage relationships with children.
Purpose of the work: to study the styles of family education, and to identify how the positions of parents influence the formation of the child’s personality.

1 FAMILY - A SPECIAL SOCIAL GROUP AND CULTURAL COMMUNITY, THE SPHERE OF SELF-ACTUALIZATION OF THE PERSONALITY

2 HISTORY OF FAMILY PARENTING STYLES IN ACCORDANCE WITH TIMES

3 STYLES OF MODERN FAMILY EDUCATION: AUTHORITARIAN, LIBERAL, DEMOCRATIC

Table 1- Comparative characteristics parenting styles

4 TYPES OF RELATIONS BETWEEN ADULTS AND CHILDREN IN FAMILIES

How many families, so many characteristics of upbringing. But, despite all their diversity, it is possible to identify typical models of relationships between adults and children in families.
1) Families that respect children. Children in such families are loved. Parents know what they are interested in, what worries them, they respect their opinions and experiences, and try to help tactfully. These are the most favorable for raising a family. Children grow up happy, proactive, independent, and friendly. Parents and children experience a strong need for mutual communication. Relationships are characterized by the general moral atmosphere of the family: decency, frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships;
2) Responsive families. Relations between adults and children are normal, but there is a certain distance that neither parents nor children try not to violate. Children know their place in the family and obey their parents. They grow up obedient, polite, friendly, but lack initiative, often do not have their own opinions, and are dependent on others. Parents delve into the concerns of their children, and children share their problems with them. Outwardly, the relationship is prosperous, but some deep, intimate connections may be disrupted. A “crack” is emerging in the emotional ties between children and parents. Sometimes parents do not keep up with the dynamism of their children’s development. And the children have already grown up and already have their own opinions. In such cases, parental responsiveness should be increased;
3) Material-oriented families. The main attention in the family is paid to material well-being. From an early age, children are taught to look at life pragmatically, to see their own benefit in everything. They are forced to study well for the sole purpose of entering a university. The spiritual world of parents and children is impoverished. Children's interests are not taken into account; only “profitable” initiative is encouraged. Children grow up early, but this cannot be called socialization in the full sense of the word. Parents try to delve into the interests and concerns of their children, the children understand this, but do not accept it, since the high thoughts of the parents are broken by the low pedagogical culture of implementation. Wanting to warn children from dangers and ensure their future, parents doom their children to hardship and suffering;
4) Hostile families. Children are shown disrespect, mistrust, surveillance, and corporal punishment. They grow up secretive, unfriendly, have a bad attitude towards their parents, do not get along with their peers, do not like school, and may leave the family. The behavior and life aspirations of children cause conflicts in the family, and the parents are most likely right. This kind of situation is associated with the age characteristics of children, when they cannot appreciate the experience of their parents and their efforts for the benefit of the family. Children develop hobbies that are harmful to their studies, in some cases involving immoral acts. In such situations, it is important that parents strive to understand the motives of their children’s behavior and show respect for their arguments. After all, children are convinced that they are right, but their parents do not want and cannot understand them. Even though they are right, it is important for parents to know that there are psychological barriers to communication: insufficient knowledge of each other, differences in characters, negative emotions;
5) Antisocial families. These are, rather, not families, but temporary shelters for children who were not expected here, are not loved, and are not accepted. Parents lead an immoral lifestyle: they drink, steal, fight, threaten each other and their children. Parents take a conflicting position, not wanting to suppress their shortcomings. This manifests itself in nervousness, hot temper, and intolerance to different opinions. Acute conflicts arise due to the emotional deafness of parents. Misunderstanding and rejection by adults of children's experiences leads to mutual alienation. The influence of such families is extremely negative. Children from such families are usually taken into state custody.

5 CLASSIFICATIONS OF FAMILY PARENTING STYLES UNFAVORABLE FOR A CHILD

Another negative example is the common desire among many parents to preserve in their child and adolescent at an older age the behavior patterns they like from previous stages of development, for example, less activity, obedience.
Let's consider the classification of G.P. Bochkareva.
She highlights:
1) A family with an unfavorable emotional atmosphere, where parents are not only indifferent, but also rude and disrespectful towards their children;
2) A family in which there is no emotional contact between its members, there is indifference to the needs of the child despite the external well-being of the relationship. In such cases, the child strives to find emotionally significant relationships outside the family;
3) A family with an unhealthy moral atmosphere. There, the child is instilled with socially undesirable needs and interests, he is drawn into an immoral lifestyle;
This classification is based on the content of the child’s experiences.
Vilen Isaakovich Garbuzov, Alexander Ivanovich Zakharov and Dmitry Nikolaevich Isaev believe that the decisive factor that forms the personality traits that predispose to the occurrence of deviations in the behavior of children and adolescents is improper family upbringing. They identify three types of miseducation:
1) Rejecting (non-acceptance). Its essence lies either in excessive demands, strict regulation and control, or in lack of control and connivance;
2) Hyper-socializing. It arises due to parents’ alarming suspicion regarding the health of the child and other family members, the child’s social status among peers, and especially his academic success. It also manifests itself in excessive concern for the future of the child and his family;
3) Egocentric. It is observed in families with a low level of responsibility, when the idea of ​​“I am big” is imposed on the child as a self-sufficient value for others.
But a specific style of family education in a particular family does not exist in its pure form. Most often there are families with a mixed style of family education.

CONCLUSION

World practice psychological assistance shows children and their parents that even very difficult parenting problems are completely solvable if it is possible to restore a favorable communication style in the family. The main features of this style are determined by the basic principles of humanistic psychology.
The style of parental relationship is involuntarily imprinted in the child’s psyche. This happens very early, even in preschool age, usually unconsciously. The parenting style, as shown by the results of our research, is influenced by personal qualities parents.
Having become an adult, a person reproduces the parenting style as natural. Thus, from generation to generation there is a social inheritance of the style of communication and education. From this it follows that parents need to not only be enlightened, but also taught how to properly communicate with children, correcting the personal qualities of parents, which relate mainly to the sphere of “I”.
It is the creation of an environment of emotional comfort and mental well-being in the family, the accumulation of parental knowledge about psychological characteristics of this age, about the forms and methods of child upbringing contribute to a significant improvement in parent-child relationships and a decrease in the level of children's anxiety.

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