There is not a single person in the world who does not care about the opinions of others. No matter how much we convince ourselves that we don’t care, it is extremely difficult to avoid the influence of others.

And the greater the number of people around us, the more opinions, the more time and nerves we spend on them. Would you like to spit on all this, close your eyes and ears and get out of the terrible shackles of this addiction forever?

It's very easy to say "don't listen to them" or "don't look at them." To do this, of course, is much more difficult.

Limits of other people's assessments

It's very easy to say "don't listen to them" or "don't look at them." To do this, of course, is much more difficult. On the street, at work, in the subway, at home, we are surrounded by a huge number of people. Just imagine: you are walking down the street in a new dress, it is made especially for you, to order, and not a single person in the world will walk in the same one. However, there are those people from the crowd who give you an angry and contemptuous look. Various thoughts begin to fly through your head about this at breakneck speed: his gaze was a manifestation of envy or... What if this dress doesn’t suit me, what if I look too fat, what if it’s not carefully ironed? A confident girl will say: “Pure envy, I won’t even be nervous.” And the insecure one will worry, because she depends on other people’s opinions.

Here's another example from my personal life. A charming young man is courting you, he gives you beautiful bouquets and expensive chocolate, he wants to please your mother and does not forbid you from meeting your friends. Everything would be fine, but only your girlfriends, for example, “noticed” that your boyfriend was rude to women, they supposedly “saw how he acted badly” with such and such a lady. This information has been verified, because it was reported by some friend of a friend, Masha, who is unfamiliar to you, from the fifth entrance. She added that your gentleman is not so good-looking. And in your head there are thoughts again: “What if he really is a rude blockhead with an extraordinary appearance?” As you can see, someone else's assessment can concern our appearance, work, study, personal life - all areas in which we find ourselves. In addition to strangers to us, distant girlfriends and best friends, there are also close relatives, to whose opinions we also especially listen. After all, we live among these people, who often determine who we are and what we represent. That is why it is wrong to completely renounce and not be interested in other people’s views; you just need to adequately distinguish between simply public opinion and the terrible dependence on it.

6 answers to the question “What to do”

• 1 Realize the equality of people before each other

  The worst thing for people with a similar problem is the negative reaction of others, which can be expressed both in words and in assault. However, they are often much more afraid of words. Therefore, first you need to clearly decide for yourself that for every negative reaction there is a positive one. The opinion of one person is not more important or correct than yours, because all people, despite the fact that they are individual in their views, are equal in their rights.

• 2 Decide on your goals in life

  A person who does not know what he wants from life is constantly confused in a series of other people's opinions. He has not yet set his priorities, so the phrase spoken by a familiar person is perceived as a kind of call to action. If you are worried about a negative opinion about a potential groom, think about what you like about him and what you don’t, which character traits you can turn a blind eye to, and which ones are especially important. After you decide, think about the words of your interlocutor: is the information that he tells you so important?

• 3 Remember your victories

  Think about what things you have done and what you have achieved in this or that area on your own. We are sure that you have an excellent track record of victories that you have achieved thanks to your efforts and character traits.

• 4 Get into your soul

  This stage is one of the most difficult. Its main tasks are to mentally simulate situations that are unpleasant for you, to remember what has ever happened to you or could happen. Next, think about what mistakes you made that led you to rely on other people’s opinions. Take a closer look to see if there is any benefit for your interlocutor if you start thinking in the same direction. Answer the question for yourself, only honestly and frankly: why are you afraid to confront other people’s opinions? Learn to listen to yourself.

• 5 Overcome your fear
• 6 Communicate more

  Remember the phrase: “How many people, so many opinions”? To hear different points of view, communicate more, make new acquaintances, say goodbye to old ones, add new numbers to your phone book and be sure to call. Learn to speak and express your opinion.

The realization that you are no longer dependent on what another person says does not come immediately. Perhaps a month, or even a year, will pass before you catch yourself thinking that another person’s opinion is just his thought and point of view, which has a right to exist, you can listen to it, but it is not a guide to action.

A person cannot live separately from society. Public opinion is important for every individual; it influences the self-concept of an individual. But some people are so susceptible to the influence of others that they lose their own characteristics. Is someone else’s opinion as important as learning to live for yourself and not for others? Let's figure it out.

Dependence on other people's opinions makes a person not think about his own interests. A dependent person does not ask questions about what he is like, what he wants. He wants to know how he looks in the eyes of other people, how the world wants to see him, how others accept him.

The causes of social dependence lie in childhood:

1. The child probably had to beg for the love of his parents. If attention had to be earned, then it is not surprising that the attitude “this is how they love me, but this is not how they love me” carried over into adulthood.
2. The second prerequisite for such thinking is the suppression of the child’s independence. When a person does not have his own worldview or beliefs, he adapts to other people’s ideas.
3. Well, the third prerequisite is in conditions of suppression, criticism, insults. Constant reproaches from parents suppress the child’s initiative.
4. The busyness of parents and the desire to create an image of an ideal family, an exemplary child, that is, upbringing in conditions of increased moral responsibility and formalities also in the future causes dependence on the opinions of other people.

So, dependence on someone else’s opinion has the following prerequisites:

• the individual's lack of self-confidence;
• , lack of independence;
• fear of being abandoned, rejected;
• fear of loneliness;
• fear of error;
• unformed worldview;
• undeveloped, unbalanced self-concept;
• need for praise, approval, love;
• desire to leave a good impression.

Sometimes, in addiction, just one incident that turns out to be to blame. Moreover, the events did not necessarily develop in family conditions. Thus, a love note selected by the teacher and ridiculed in front of the whole class can provoke a child to withdraw into himself. All his life he will be afraid of confessing his feelings for fear of being ridiculed, misunderstood, rejected again.

Is other people's opinion important?

Other people's opinions should be listened to, taken into account, and sometimes guided by them. But, firstly, not on any other person’s opinion, but only on the opinion of close and significant people. Secondly, you need to understand the other person’s position, but not necessarily accept it. We must not forget about ourselves, we need to find a balance and...

Dependence creates internal tension, an inferiority complex, fears, and anxiety. A person is confident in his insignificance and worthlessness. Gradually, the condition worsens, with a feeling of powerlessness and general dissatisfaction with life.

How to get rid of and not depend on other people's opinions

To determine your dependence on other people’s opinions, think about how often the thought “what will people say or think?” comes to your mind. If you don’t even go shopping or go to a cafe without it, then you are a very dependent person. Although addiction is a bigger problem if, looking at others, you live in a hated city, go to a job you don’t like and married a “profitable match” rather than a loved one.

First of all, you need to understand why you follow the majority, even if it infringes on your rights and freedom. You are probably used to having decisions made for you, which means you need to gain control over your own life:

1. Read the biography of famous people, outstanding personalities, independent individuals. Even world-class stars have followers, imitators and haters. Everyone only likes a spineless person, one who is nothing, and therefore convenient for others. You can't please everyone and still be yourself.
2. Learn to focus on your experience and think forward. Why didn't other people support your desire to change jobs? They remembered their experience and relied on their knowledge. But they do not see and do not know what you have. Adequately evaluate yourself, follow your own line, then it is possible that later people will change their minds. Work on and correction will help with this.
3. Remember in detail the set of clothes of the saleswoman from the nearest store. Or the hairstyle of a fellow traveler on the bus. Don't remember? That's it: people are busy with their own worries, they have no time to consider other people. Of course, a bright hair color or an extravagant outfit will attract attention. But if we are talking about the average appearance and behavior, then no one will look at it.
4. Make your own choices every day. Start small: clothes, lunch, rest. Then you can re-paste the wallpaper or rearrange the room. Next, think about self-development, about how your current life matches your real needs and capabilities.
5. You don’t know yourself at all, so you need to try, experiment. Note what you like and what you don’t, what you want to do, what works. Record this in .
6. Learn to talk about your needs and desires. Stop guessing the wishes of others. Watch yourself, learn to understand your own.
7. Learn to enjoy it. In order not to look for approval and love in every passerby, you need to get it from yourself. Describe your positive qualities, remember situations in which you emerged victorious, and acquire a hobby.

Right now, take a piece of paper, a pen, and write down the last problem you relied on other people to solve. Fill in two columns: the arguments of others and your response theses. Do this exercise regularly. You must learn to defend and argue your position.

Practice defending your views through films. Look at some picture, form your own idea about it, determine what you agree with and what you don’t, what you liked, what seemed inappropriate. Discuss movies with friends. In such a situation there cannot be right and wrong people. Everyone expresses their own attitude, their own vision of the plot. Any opinion will be correct, but more importantly, it will be individual.

Afterword

A dependent person does not know himself. In this, adults but dependent people are similar to preschoolers. Those who have not yet developed self-esteem, they draw conclusions about themselves based on the assessments and judgments of others. So you still look at the words of others as your mirror reflection.

It's time to grow up. To do this, you need to do a lot of self-knowledge. Explore your abilities. Make it a rule to analyze whose judgments control you: personal or familiar people. Work on it.

To work through psychological trauma and eliminate it, I recommend contacting a psychotherapist.

Listening to the opinions of other people is a good habit that allows you not to be isolated in your own selfishness and often even become better. But sometimes this quality crosses some invisible line and becomes a painful and unpleasant phenomenon. Someone else's opinion can bring mental anguish, and some especially persistent individuals can even manage to dictate their will to us. There is nothing good in such a situation, and if you find yourself in it or are afraid of getting into it, then you need to strengthen your “protective barriers” and resist social and personal pressure.

Don't act on the contrary

If you want to stop depending on other people's opinions, then you can assume that the easiest way would be to ignore them. This is not a very good move, because ignoring other people’s opinions is the same mistake as completely depending on them. Try to filter every opinion that you think influences you.

First, think about what the person who is imposing this opinion on you is trying to do. Why does he do this? Does he really want to subjugate you to his will, does he always act this way because of his character - or did it just seem to you that this opinion is intrusive? In any case, be sure to reflect on what the person wanted to tell you and what can be learned from this message. If this is criticism, then there is probably a reasonable grain in it that you can usefully turn into the next step of self-development. If a person simply expressed himself emotionally in his heart, then perhaps he needs your support.

Flowing water style

If other people have a strong influence on you, then it is likely that you have a hard time saying no. This means you need to learn to say “No”. Easy to say, not easy to do! Try to be confident in yourself and don’t refuse right or left. At the same time, there is no need to soften the form of refusal itself. Act as the Japanese have done since ancient times: first, instead of “No,” say: “I’ll think about it.” And then be brave and refuse for real, preparing compelling arguments. If it is still difficult to do this face to face, then use an “electronic intermediary,” that is, formalize your refusal by email or message in instant messenger. At the same time, you will be able to clearly describe the reason for your refusal point by point, and not choose words, blushing painfully from awkwardness.

Study, study and study again!

To ensure that no one can influence your opinion, practice how to form it yourself. For example, write critiques and reviews of everything you see, hear and visit. Movies, books, plays - these are the obvious ones, but you can also write a review of a new employee, renovations in your best friend’s apartment, or even a “review” of your neighbor’s stupid dog. All this contributes to the formation of critical thinking and the emergence of self-confidence, because if you get used to looking for arguments for reviews and reviews, then you can easily find them in ordinary conversation. If you are easily convinced by other people's arguments in conversations, then express your opinion first, then no one will be able to change it. And you can always note the valuable finds of others while telling them.

Uniqueness of a snowflake

To express your opinion on a par with others, it is important to love yourself for who you are. Don't belittle your own personality, don't be shy and try to realize that everyone is different, so your opinion is just as valuable as the opinion of another person. Of course, there are times when another person's opinion will be more valuable than yours. For example, if you have been working in your position for only a couple of months, and a professional with ten years of experience who has eaten the dog in this specialty is talking to you about a professional topic. But in this situation you shouldn’t worry, because if this pro is really such a good specialist, then he will always be open to other people’s opinions and will not allow ridicule of other people’s mistakes. Don't be afraid to express your opinion if it contradicts the majority opinion. Remember about the uniqueness of each person and each opinion, then there will be no problems with this issue.

Look for the positive

The main enemy of a person who is weighed down by someone else’s opinion is not so much self-doubt as the tendency to overthink things. Many people exaggerate the significance of their mistakes and failures in the lives of others, they are afraid of seeming stupid or frivolous, although in fact almost everyone around them will forget about your worst failure in five minutes and are more fixated on themselves. If you really found yourself in a situation where your opinion was not just wrong, but even stupid, and you were given weighty arguments in favor of this, then do not despair and do not get lost. Laugh at yourself first, turn it all into a joke - and everyone will have the impression of you as an easy-going and pleasant person, and not as a

Much in our life depends on the people around us, their opinions, assessments, encouragement or blame. A person can move mountains if he is praised, or withdraw into himself when he hears negative feedback addressed to him. If a person whose opinion is important to us expresses dissatisfaction, then our sense of self can suddenly change to negative. The dress, which seemed chic, after my husband’s critical assessment, I want to immediately return it to the store. The long-awaited new car no longer seems like such a good purchase after criticism from a colleague. However, the point is not your inability to make good choices, but your dependence on someone else's assessment. Anyone has the right to express their opinion, but this does not mean that it objectively assesses your situation, and therefore you should learn to listen to it, but not depend on it. We offer you some practical tips on how to leave aside the opinions of others and not take them personally, so as not to spoil your life.

5 tips on how to stop depending on the opinions of other people

1. Don't get hung up on other people's thoughts and decisions

Anyone can express their negative or positive opinion, but no one is asking you to follow these thoughts or advice. Don't get caught up in the idea that others are right and you are wrong. The task is to be able to recognize the truth in the opinions of others and draw your own conclusions from this, applying them in practice in your life, in your worldview and thoughts. Why turn your world upside down if someone decides to criticize you?

Maybe it’s better to look for the reason for such criticism and analyze the actions of others.

You should listen to the opinions of the people around you only if you really need someone's advice. But even then, you need to remember that all people make mistakes.

1. Stop pleasing, let them please you!

To please your mother, father, sister, brother, loved one, beloved, son, daughter, girlfriend or boyfriend means unquestioningly doing what others want, leaving your own emotions and desires aside. Is it a luxury for you to do something for yourself? If you please everyone for a long time, then as a result you can lose faith in yourself, gradually turning your life into fulfilling the desires of others. Try to change your attitude towards the words of other people: their wishes are not a reason for you to rush to fulfill them. Turn back your life, let those around you try to do something for you. To do this, reconsider your circle of friends, maybe they are just taking advantage of you. Why then such friends?

Show others that your life and your own interests are a higher priority for you than others.

1. Don't assume that someone thinks a lot about you - this is a delusion

There is no point in constantly worrying about what others will say about your hairstyle, manicure, or makeup. Everyone thinks only about themselves, and if they see you with an unwashed hair without makeup, no one will even pay attention, and if they do, it will be literally for one moment, and they will immediately forget. This does not mean that those around you do not pay attention to each other at all, but this short-term attention of strangers is not worth the worries and efforts, the torment that sometimes you take into your head.

1. Be unique, inimitable and unconventional. Be yourself first

If you constantly try to be like another person, fulfill all his wishes, immediately change your opinion if someone from your environment does not like it, then you can lose your Individuality. And finding it again is not so easy. Always be yourself, express your own interesting thoughts, defend your opinion, prove that you are right.

1. Don't compare yourself to other people, everyone lives their own life

Dependence on the opinions of others can ruin your life even more if you compare yourself with other people. Who has a better car, more fashionable clothes, a cooler smartphone - everything is different for me. This leads to worries that the job is not so prestigious, the salary is not so high. With such thoughts, depression sets in more and more. Don't compare other people's capabilities and resources with yours. Each person has their own set of skills, abilities and capabilities. Find something in yourself that others don’t have and develop it. Grow confidence in yourself and your abilities.

“What will others think of me?!”, if this thought haunts every action? First, remember about yourself!

Everyone wants to be loved and is afraid of being rejected. This is fine. But sometimes others' opinions becomes so important that it crowds out one’s own desires. A person acts contrary to his interests, changes his decisions, if only those around him approve of his behavior. In this case, we are not talking about a natural need for love and recognition, but about real dependence.

And this is what happens if you put first

Someone's mind

When someone else's opinion comes to the fore and overshadows one’s own, feelings and emotions seem to be bound in chains. There is a fear of saying and doing something “wrong.” And without noticing it,person who depends on other people's opinions, transmits managing your life to other people.

This negatively affects many areas of life:

The desire for recognition and approval in itself is natural. But, turning into addiction, it makes a person unhappy. Every time he needs an increasing “dose” of approval. And as a result, the need will never be fully satisfied.

Dependence on other people's opinions

The desire for love and approval and the fear of rejection are normal until they becomedependence on other people's opinions. How to identify it and why is it harmful?

To get started, answer the following questions honestly:

• Do you change your behavior depending on the situation and environment?
• Do you find it difficult to make everyday decisions?
• Do you do things you don't like just so you don't "stand out"?
• Is it difficult for you to understand what you really want?
• Do you keep your opinions to yourself for fear of other people's judgment?
• Have you already thought abouthow to stop being afraid of other people's opinions?

If you answered yes to most questions, then you are dependent on the assessment of others. What does this mean?

1. Loss of control over self-esteem and confidence. You are only happy when others approve of your actions. But you can’t influence other people’s assessments. The boss had a fight with his wife in the morning, and then “flunked” your presentation without even really watching it. It's a relief for him, and your self-esteem instantly drops below the baseboard.
2. Regular violation of personal boundaries. Dependence on other people's opinionsaccompanied by an inability to say “no.” The thought constantly spins in my head: “If I refuse, then they won’t love me.” Therefore, you agree to additional work, comply with inconvenient requests and silently “swallow” grievances.
3. Constant dissatisfaction. By conforming to other people's interests, you feel unhappy, depressed, and without your own self. We are no longer talking about any happiness or a sense of freedom. In addition to yourself, you are dissatisfied with those around you. After all, they “don’t love” you, violate your boundaries, and your happiness depends on their assessment.

How not to depend on other people's opinions

To don't depend on other people's opinions, realize that you are not responsible for him. If others like your actions, great. And if not, then it's not your fault.

Dependence on other people's opinions

This realization does not come immediately. After all, you didn’t know for a long timehow not to react to other people's opinions.Allow yourself to move towards your goal gradually and praise each achievement. To get the process going, start with simple but effective steps:

1. Try something new. Most often, the fear of not receiving approval from others coexists with the fear of change. Buy yourself a new jacket that “your mom definitely wouldn’t like,” but suits you very well. Spend the weekend at home with a book instead of the usual trips to a cafe with friends, which you agree to for fear of offending them.
2. Start approving yourself. Write a list of qualities that you like about yourself. Look into it more often and show these qualities at every opportunity. Let them be the “vane” of your self-esteem, and not the opinions of other people.
3. Accept your fears. The fear of not liking someone is absolutely normal. What will actually happen if someone thinks badly of you? Nothing! The world will not end. Accept this and allow yourself to feel fear and anxiety. But at the same time, do what you want, and not what others will like.

By taking these steps, you will shift your focus to what you personally can control. Self-esteem and self-respect will be in your hands again!

Dependence on other people's opinions is one of the signs of an imbalance of energy inmedium energy centers.

A new transformational practical course will help you step-by-step balance the energies in all your energy centers, as well as learn to control and manage your energies. .

This is a complete, step-by-step and completely practical course on balancing and strengthening all energy centers. On the course you will learn:

• It’s easy to express your individuality and respect your own and others’ boundaries
• respect and accept yourself and others, feel confident, control your actions
• express your feelings and thoughts easily and clearly, listen and hear yourself and others
• free yourself from external energetic influences
• independently create a balance of your energy centers and fully manage your energies