Work colleagues are pissing me off: what can be done? What to do if people irritate you How to deal with a nervous person

Look at this situation as a whole. Very often it turns out that little things that irritate you at the moment can be completely forgotten in a week or even an hour. If you feel the tension starting to build because someone is annoying you, laughing at you or teasing you, just think: “Will this matter after a while?”

Try to defuse the situation with humor. Humor and laughter are the best medicine, and this case is no exception. If you feel like you're about to explode, try to soften the situation somehow with a joke. Watch funny videos on YouTube, scroll through the news with funny pictures on social networks, or call a friend who can make you laugh. All this will improve your mood, and it will be easier to deal with the situation.

• The distancing method is very helpful when emotions begin to overflow. Just distract yourself, turn your attention to something else that you like, and after a while, when you have cooled down a little, you can return to the situation and deal with it.

If necessary, report this person's indecent behavior. For example, in the case when a person is deliberately trying to annoy you, as well as if his behavior borders on bullying. For example, if a co-worker pulls cruel pranks and jokes on you, and this distracts you from your work and generally disrupts your calm state, his behavior may be considered unacceptable. It is also not normal for a person to call you names or try to contact you outside of work for various reasons. Report inappropriate behavior to a higher authority (this could be your boss, teacher, etc.).

Irritation towards people and the origins of the resulting disharmony with oneself and the world around us. In the article, experienced specialists will recommend ways to resolve the problem in the most alternative way.

Causes of irritation towards people

• Rejection of other people. Misanthropes are people who literally hate all of humanity. They try to distance themselves even from their immediate environment, because it irritates them for any reason or without it.
• Personal animosity. Some individuals direct their negative energy exclusively towards a specific person. At the same time, they do not experience attacks of aggression towards other people, even if they are directly related to the stimulus object.
• Envy. An insurmountable obstacle on the path to a dream very often causes an outburst of irritation towards certain people. Some people will be infuriated by successful and rich people who do not have their own financial well-being, and some by happy family men when the envious person is unfulfilled in this area. A similar condition can occur even when a person is on a diet, and in front of his eyes people eagerly absorb high-calorie foods.
• Excessive requirements. Not each of us is able to soberly assess other people's capabilities against the background of our own imperfections. It is bias in this matter that can turn an adequate person into a person who is irritated by literally everyone around him.
• Personal problems. Betrayal or indifference of loved ones, troubles at work can cause a feeling of depression in the injured party. Contemplation of someone else's well-being makes such losers even more indignant.
• Psychological fatigue. People are constantly annoying if a person has been depressed for a long time. Emotional exhaustion is often accompanied by health problems, making the patient an irritable person.
• Hormonal fluctuations. Women during the so-called critical days and during menopause often lose control of their self-control. Even their husband and children are capable of throwing them out of balance with the most harmless act.
• Side effects of drugs. Some medications that are used for therapy in case of failure of the endocrine, cardiovascular system and during problems with the digestive tract can cause irritation in a person towards other people.
• Complex nature. Gloomy, unsociable and bilious individuals rarely have a positive attitude towards attempts to get closer to them. Hot-tempered and selfish individuals are also susceptible to bouts of discontent with any contact with society.
• Irritation towards outrageous personalities. People who like to shock society quite often cause irritation and censure from it. Outrage may arise due to the eccentric appearance of provocateurs or due to their unconventional behavior.
• Inability to maintain distance. This is especially noticeable when people are on public transport. Not everyone will like the fact that a complete stranger is clinging to him (even if for a forced reason).
• Alcohol abuse. Drunkards are rarely good-natured people who are pleasant to deal with. They will infuriate any adequate person, because he feels obvious negativity towards himself.

Note! When thinking about why people are annoying, you should look for the reasons first of all in yourself. External factors extremely rarely influence the appearance and course of a voiced emotional state, which can result in pathology.

How does a person who is annoyed by people behave?

1. Changing speech volume. If another person is annoying, then when talking to him the intonation changes dramatically. The conversation begins to be conducted in a raised tone and even with the use of unacceptable statements and expressions.
2. Sudden movements. A friendly pat on the shoulder or a handshake is pleasant only to someone who is likable or does not evoke negative emotions. Otherwise, hostility will be expressed in nervous gestures and demonstrative poses of a person who is irritated by the need to contact a person she dislikes.
3. Acceleration of eyeball movement. If doctors have not established anatomical disorders of this kind, then such a reaction to an irritating object is a signal of a person’s reluctance to communicate with other people in case of any encroachment on his territory.
4. Rapid breathing. A vocal reaction to society and all its components is often a sign that an individual prefers privacy from society. Famous hermits reacted in this way on a physiological level to someone’s desire to make contact with them.
5. Sweaty palms. A similar unpleasant phenomenon occurs in most cases with strong excitement, which does not always have a positive nature of formation.
6. Aggressive behavior. If the contactee, despite the obvious reluctance to communicate with him, continues to insist on a conversation, then all this can end in a quarrel and even a fight.

Attention! Frequent emotional breakdowns ultimately lead to a disease such as neurosis. It can be almost impossible to get rid of it on your own, so psychologists do not recommend allowing a situation of internal discomfort to develop to such an extent.

Types of irritation towards people

• Irritation - fear. Any individual tries to isolate himself as much as possible from what scares him. If someone from the environment or the entire population of the planet as a whole causes horror in a person, then this factor will irritate him and push him to become a hermit.
• Rejection - resentment. Sometimes not only with an action or a careless word, but also with a sidelong glance, you can painfully wound the soul of an impressionable person. After the incident, she will begin to get nervous in the presence of the offender, trying in the future to avoid contact with him and witnesses to the unpleasant situation.
• Irritation - guilt. In some cases, people begin to feel uncomfortable around the person who has been hurt. Few people like to remember their unworthy act at every meeting with the offended party.
• Irritation - anger. Resentment towards another person can sometimes reach such proportions that it turns into real hatred. Meetings with the betrayed party evoke such negative emotions that it is better to avoid them completely.

How to get rid of irritation towards people

Ways to combat the factor that prevents you from fully existing in society depend on who exactly causes such a reaction. Since there are many reasons for a negative reaction, the solution to the problem is selected individually in each specific case.

How to deal with irritation towards all people

1. Controlling your own behavior. To do this, you first need to understand the origins of your true feelings. The human psyche is designed in such a way that adjustments can be made to its functioning. When irritation begins against any person, you should take a deep breath into your lungs and mentally count to ten.
2. Refusal of illusions. No one is obliged to live up to the expectations of strangers. As life practice shows, ideal people do not exist. You should accept this fact and not impose your principles and views on life on anyone. With this approach, everything will be perceived much simpler and many far-fetched problems will be resolved.
3. Getting rid of the dynamic stereotype. Do not light the fuse to avoid causing a powerful explosion. Some people automatically beat themselves up when they find themselves in the same situation. It is necessary to abstract yourself from it in order to avoid another emotional breakdown.
4. Positive Thinking Method. In this case, you can even mentally make for yourself the hackneyed expression that all people are brothers and sisters to each other. But, as they say, you don’t choose your relatives.
5. Elimination of diseases. Irritability towards people, as already mentioned, can be the cause of the occurrence and treatment of certain pathologies. When the source of mental discomfort is eliminated or drugs that provoke aggressive behavior are eliminated, communication with society will cease to be a significant problem.
6. Healthy lifestyle. People who eat poorly, have bad habits and don't get enough sleep often turn into quite aggressive individuals. When the voiced problem is normalized, the desire to enter into conflict with someone may completely disappear.
7. Refusal of envy. Each of us has our own personal qualities that need to be improved. Feeding black anger towards more successful people is a waste of time, which could be used for yourself in order to avoid irritability at the sight of someone else's well-being.
8. Loyal attitude towards non-standard persons. The planet's population cannot be similar to each other, because in this case humanity will turn into a gray mass. It should be remembered that the same tattooed biker or gay person often turns out to be a wonderful person compared to some exemplary members of society.

How to eliminate irritation towards a specific person

• Straight Talk. It can sometimes be extremely difficult to find a common language with an outsider, and with the immediate environment, simply in most cases no attempts were made to resolve the conflict. The expression that everything will resolve itself is definitely not suitable for a situation where children, parents or friends are annoying.
• Introspection. It is necessary to understand for yourself clear answers to the questions “Why should I take out internal problems on my loved ones?”, “Is it necessary to risk my career if I clearly dislike a colleague or boss?” or “Is it worth ruining your own and others’ health because of irritation towards your loved ones?”
• Refusal of attempts at re-education. If the matter does not concern moralizing in relation to the younger generation of the family, then psychologists recommend stopping raising adults. In difficult situations for your loved ones, you can give them practical advice, but under no circumstances should you criticize or draw hasty conclusions. Otherwise, they will rebel, and communication with them will irritate both parties.
• Slow time method. At the first symptoms of an attack of aggression towards loved ones or colleagues, you need to turn your perception of reality into slow-motion footage. It is recommended to concentrate on all the little things in order to channel the focus of your irritation into a different direction.
• Projecting the situation into the future. In this case, a very illustrative example will be Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol,” where the greedy and unprincipled Scrooge was able to see his past, present and future. The ending of his life shocked the miser so much that he radically changed his behavior. A person who is irritated by some people should think about the possibility of losing contact with them forever.
• Looking at yourself from the outside. Before taking out your negativity on a loved one or just an acquaintance, experts recommend watching some movies. In this case, such masterpieces as “Kramer vs. Kramer”, “The Rose War” and “In Bed with the Enemy” are perfect.
• Taking out irritation on inanimate objects. Some people wonder what to do if someone they care about irritates them. If emotions run so high that blood rushes to your head, then you urgently need to stabilize your emotional state. This recommendation especially applies to choleric people, who can take out their negativity on a punching bag or pillow.
• Stopping communication with the irritant. If an acquaintance begins to evoke extremely negative emotions and at the same time does not want to behave differently, then you should get rid of such contact once and for all. A decent person is always aware of his mistakes, but an outright scoundrel will gladly continue to insult his victim.

In everyday life and, most importantly, at work, you constantly have to deal with people who are anxious, twitchy, nervous, unrestrained, ready to attack you almost with their fists if they think that they have been offended or insulted, although you never thought of anything like that.

One way or another, you have to deal and communicate with such people, whether you want it or not. As psychologists advise, the main thing in such communication is to get the response from the interlocutor that you would like to receive. To do this, you need to carefully monitor the body language and body movements of your “opponent.” The better you can master this, the more expert you will become in such matters, advises psychiatrist Mark Goulston, author of books on psychiatry and psychology. It is very important, the doctor notes, that when people show anxiety and concern, their brains literally jam due to the inability of the middle, emotional part of the brain to interact with the upper, rational part, writes hrliga.com. A person of great labor who finds himself in such a situation should restrain himself and not follow the primitive animal instinct according to the principle of “fight or flight.” However, he is still capable of doing something impulsively, and this will only make things worse for everyone. The fact is that a “jammed brain” cannot listen to instructions, much less carry them out. Thus, the more you talk to a nervous person, the more pressure you put on the middle part of his brain, which is why, ultimately, his brain will slam shut even faster, like the valves of a clam, and will not listen to your words. However, there are ways to communicate softly and trustingly , which could relieve tension and facilitate the performance of your interlocutor’s brain. It is very important to understand that the perception of your speaking style is not necessarily what you think it is. So, how can you most effectively meet the challenges of dialogue with nervous people?

1. Do not allow a manner of conversation in which your interlocutor will feel that you are talking to him as if he is an “empty place” - this will offend him, and his first desire will be to “run away” and end the conversation at the first opportunity.
2. You should not resort to the manner of instructions, as if you are pointing your finger in the face of the interlocutor. Your listeners will either take a submissive pose with their chin lowered to their neck, indicating with all their appearance: “Please don’t be angry with me,” or they, on the contrary, will lift their chin and narrow their eyes, as if making it clear: “Don’t you dare talk to me in that tone! »
3. On the contrary, adopt a soft manner of speaking. Then your nervous interlocutors will begin to shake their heads in agreement, as if declaring: “yes, that makes sense.” This is the most common way to talk. Let it be constantly in your arsenal.
4. There is another method of intimate conversation, as if the neurasthenic saw in front of him a loving parent or grandparents. Then the interlocutor, to whom you seemed to say the words: “everything will be fine, we can work everything out,” will relax from neck to shoulders. This is an example of "intimate conversation". Use it when the situation dictates.

• They easily intervene in conversations and interrupt interlocutors.
• They don't wait in line.
• They are ready to take advantage of the troubles of others.
• They revel in victory or success.
• But they are depressed and gloomy when they fail.
• They have no sense of justice.
• They cannot be classified as integral human characters.
• They long for you to never be loved.
• They would not want your sister (brother or child) to arrange their own personal family happiness.

Today I will tell you how to tolerate people you hate, who annoy you. We are often surrounded by people who we cannot avoid. Then we have to put up with their qualities that irritate us. It happens that friends, wives or husbands, the people closest to us, have shortcomings that are difficult to tolerate.

On the one hand, we love these people and we desire their company, but, on the other hand, they often behave in ways that we do not like. How to cope with your irritation about other people's behavior, other people's shortcomings? This will be discussed in this article.

When should we not tolerate?

I’ll say right away that I’m not going to help you become opportunists who will tolerate any circumstances and any people without trying to change anything. Still, in some situations it is necessary to solve the problem, and not look for ways to kill the bitterness and irritation associated with people’s behavior.

If the situation can be corrected, then it needs to be corrected. If a colleague is constantly rude to you, it is better to talk to him about this, instead of silently enduring it. If your husband offends you, then you need to try to influence him, change his behavior, or, as a last resort, by delivering your ultimatum. After all, you have been living with this person for many years; will you not tolerate something that is difficult to tolerate?

But, unfortunately, we cannot influence everything, and we have to endure some things. For example, these are some of the shortcomings of our friends, the presence of which does not create a big problem, but sometimes annoys us. This is boorish, unfriendly behavior of strangers on the street. These are the annoying habits of your work colleagues, the kind of habits that they are not going to get rid of.

But it also happens that the problem is not only in other people, but also in you. For example, your colleague annoys only you and no one else, simply because you yourself dislike him or are jealous of him, or are too irritable, or do not see anything in him except his shortcomings, or you are simply always in a bad mood.

It happens that it is better to solve a problem than to endure it. But, sometimes, the right way out is to show tolerance towards people. In some cases, we have to change our attitude towards people in order to replace irritation and anger with tolerance and goodwill.

But, in any case, in situations where the problem cannot be solved, it is better to experience positive emotions, or at least not experience negative emotions, than to be angry and irritated. Negative emotions consume your moral strength, fetter and limit your mind.

And if you cannot change some people or avoid their company, then it is better to learn not to spoil your mood with their presence and behavior, learn to tolerate them. It is better to remain joyful and equanimous than to remain angry and irritated because of other people's problems.

See people as challenges

I will tell you about this method first, as it helps me a lot. When I feel irritated by someone's actions, I immediately begin to think of people as challenges, as opportunities to learn something, develop my abilities and get rid of shortcomings.

If you are about to meet someone who makes you angry, use this as an opportunity to learn to control your own anger. After all, you won’t be able to learn this when you don’t feel this anger!

Use communication with your friend, who earns much more than you and allows himself to spend things that you don’t even think about, as a way to cope with your envy.

If contacts with some people only make you want to clash with them in a heated argument, then try to extract from these meetings only the positive experience of self-control and tolerance towards other people's opinions.

Instead of getting carried away by your feelings of anger and irritation, try to analyze them, recognize them and prevent them. Let meetings with other people become a training for your capabilities!

Remember, often the source of your emotions is not other people, but yourself. Negative feelings arise in you not only because the other person is bad and behaves inappropriately, but also because you allow him to drive you crazy. It is not entirely correct to say that someone makes you angry with their actions. You yourself get angry in response to someone else's actions! Only you are responsible for your emotions. (But that doesn't mean you have to tolerate every person's actions. The problem isn't necessarily always yours, as I wrote above.)

And you can control these emotions.

Therefore, when you meet people towards whom you feel anger, envy, or resentment, you are actually facing your inner “demons.”

These “demons” cannot be defeated without facing them.

If you perceive unpleasant people as tests that life sends you, giving you a chance to become better, then it will be easier for you to be patient with such people. After all, you will see in such meetings not another reason for frustration, but a chance to work on yourself, correct your own shortcomings, a chance for yourself, and not for someone else!

And this will fill you with the will and motivation for tolerance.

Be sincere

Nothing exacerbates friction between people more than secrecy and closeness in conditions of mutual tension. Try, if possible, to bring up problems of misunderstanding between each other for joint discussion. Hints and sneaky actions will never achieve what you can achieve with a sincere and constructive conversation.

Of course, such a conversation is not always possible due to social restrictions. You won't be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with many people.

In your imagination, you can think all kinds of bad things about a person. But after talking with him, you will often find that his personality does not at all correspond to your ideas.

Open dialogue will help two people understand each other. Speaking of understanding...

Try to understand other people

If you try to understand the actions of other people, instead of immediately criticizing and condemning them, then you will find that a person’s actions are natural consequences of his thoughts, mental state and worldview.

This is a pretty obvious idea, but let's dwell on it. Anger and frustration are usually caused by an abyss of misunderstanding, namely the fact that you cannot put yourself in the other person’s shoes, so some of his actions seem inexplicable, mean and deserving of condemnation.

Imagine that some elderly woman was rude to you on the subway. I agree that it is very difficult to put yourself in her shoes unless you are a gruff older woman yourself. But you can at least guess a little about the state of such a person.

As people age, they develop health problems that have a negative impact on their emotional state. The woman who was rude to you spends her days in queues, where she communicates with people who are equally dissatisfied with their lives.

Most likely, there are still some problems in her life, like other people, but due to her age, it is harder for her to abstract from them. Her mind is no longer so aware of the difference between good and bad. She does not know how to recognize her emotions and transfers her irritation and dissatisfaction to other people. It seems to her that other people owe her boundless respect only because of her age.

If you try to understand another person even a little, you will realize two things.

First, his anger and malice are logical consequences of himself. This is not to say that they are strictly caused by your actions. Their source is the many internal characteristics of a given person. At the same time, this person himself considers his actions correct and fair! He does not see meanness and evil intent in them.

He does this not because he is somehow evil or mean, but for many, many reasons! Each person’s actions have their own internal reasons! And if these reasons are represented at least a little, we will experience less anger than if we perceive other people’s actions in isolation, in isolation from the reasons that determine them.

In such a context, this act will not be vile, but rather natural. And such actions are much easier to tolerate.

Secondly, it will be easier for you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and, thanks to this, show more understanding towards him. And if you begin to empathize with a person, feel him, understand that you yourself can experience the same thing that he experiences, then your anger and resentment will go away.

Yes, you are not an old woman, but have you never gotten angry for nothing? Haven't stress at work ever provoked you to take your anger out on others? Have you never been stubborn, not admitting your own guilt, which took place?

Perhaps in your case the irritation never reached such a limit (although who knows), but still, you probably experienced something similar. Therefore, you can understand it. Remembering that you yourself experienced such emotions, you realize that you are not ideal and the behavior that you condemn is also characteristic of you, although perhaps not in such an acute form.

Very often, people who criticize others for their shortcomings themselves have similar shortcomings.

Therefore, before you get annoyed by other people's actions, try to understand the person and put yourself in his place. Think about it, have you never behaved in a similar way yourself?

Speaking about the reasons that determine behavior, I was not trying to say that people are not to blame for anything, since their actions are always dictated by the state of their psyche. On the contrary, I take the position that a person himself is responsible for his actions. At this point, I spoke exclusively about understanding motives, about empathy, and not about removing responsibility from someone.

Approach people with a sense of humor

I have noticed how much my perception of the shortcomings of some people I have known for a long time has changed. If before they irritated me and even infuriated me, now I began to treat them kindly and with humor.

I was very pleased with this change in me, since I felt that thanks to this I did not fall into anger and maintained my good mood and goodwill. It's much better than being angry!

Therefore, now I try to treat other people's shortcomings with a kind laugh. When I talk about approaching people with humor, I mean kind, slightly condescending affection, and not contemptuous and arrogant ridicule.

I used to hate other people's boasting. I thought: “what does he think about himself, what does he allow himself?” And now the same people give me only positive emotions. I enjoy watching them, and I see their boastfulness as an amusing quality rather than an annoying flaw. And the feelings that arise in me are more reminiscent of affection for the child’s behavior than frustration.

Notice how funny and a little ridiculous people are in their weaknesses. Notice that you yourself can be funny and funny. Find reasons for humor, not for indignation.

Don't get hung up on criticism

I know from my own experience that you can get very carried away by criticizing other people. Our imperfect mind finds some secret pleasure in endlessly blaming other people and discussing their shortcomings. We tend to look for reasons to tell ourselves that others are somehow worse than us.

If you get carried away with criticizing others and their shortcomings, then people will turn into walking shortcomings for you. If you look at the bad sides of people for a long time, they will take on grandiose proportions for you, and you will not notice anything good behind them.

Stop criticizing, “washing bones”, gossiping behind your back and weaving intrigues. It won't make you happier!

Notice all the good things in people!

Being more calm, harmonious, joyful and, as a result, more tolerant of people will help you.

The famous commandment “love your neighbor” is a high spiritual guideline for me. And I want it to be the same for you, regardless of your religion. It's not easy to love people. Love for one's neighbor should be cultivated and developed within oneself for a long time. And the source of this love will not be other people, but you yourself. When you, these feelings will begin to be projected onto the entire outside world!

Conclusion

In conclusion, I would like to say once again that you do not need to endure any circumstances. If the situation cannot be tolerated, then try to solve it. Focus specifically on solving the problem, not on frustration or insults.

Try to change circumstances, first of all, and only then prove something to someone. If someone offends you at work, direct your efforts to ensure that this does not happen again, instead of taking revenge on the offender and aggravating the conflict.

Be calm, do not allow the anger of others to incite anger and other negative emotions in yourself. Don't let random people decide what your mood will be.

Look for effective ways to resolve conflicts. Problems with other people can either be solved by influencing other people, or ignored, or eliminated the problem from your life, or eliminate the problem in yourself.

There are several options other than “just endure.” Which one to choose, decide for yourself, based on your experience, reason and intuition. The main thing is less feelings. Be constructive, not emotional. And then your mind will tell you the right decision.