Hello, Ekaterina!
You almost answered your question yourself... You don’t love your husband. And, it is clear that you are looking for love. You miss her.
And it is very good that you still have such a need - to love and be loved.
The word “need” goes very poorly with love. Here, “we must” supposedly love “ real person“, and now you fall in love with the actors, and this is somehow “wrong”. This is not the same logic... Love doesn't ask. Pulls, means pulls.
I would advise not to go to church to ask God, “so that God will bring our paths together...” This is not stupid. But God created man in his own image and likeness. This means you are a creator. Creator of your life. And you can make the steps yourself.
Besides, you have already taken a successful step. You attended the concert of Valery Meladze, and realized that the feeling very soon passed. Maybe this, of course, is because you saw “competition”, that you are not the only one, but there are many of them... But, it seems to me, there is another side here. You just saw this singer in reality. (Although at the concert, from auditorium, but still a living person). And something inside told you that this is simply not your person. In reality, you are not attracted to him. Otherwise, you would have taken some other steps... You would have gone, for example, to another concert, or bought flowers and given them as a gift. But you don’t feel like doing all this.
Try to take the same, similar steps towards other actors with whom you fall in love. Maybe you will understand that you don’t immediately want to take these steps... And that means you don’t need this person. And, perhaps, differently. Who knows? Actors are, in general, people just like everyone else.
Love is realized. And you can meet like-minded people. They may turn out to be celebrities. But anything can be realized when you ACT. Just sitting and looking at TV or the computer - nothing will ever come true.
If among the celebrities there really is a person who is yours, you will definitely find a way to him. And if not, then it means no. You won't even want to do anything seriously.
And one last thing. Ask yourself a question. Why do you live with an unloved man? You already understand that you don’t love your husband... But something is holding you back with him. Some reasons or circumstances, not love. Thus, you push love away from yourself (since you yourself agree to a life without love). Or perhaps love is not as important to you as you think? But it is important to answer these questions honestly. To understand.
Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Hello, Ekaterina! You almost answered your question yourself... You don’t love your husband. And, it’s clear that...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expertkatte - 01/27/2013 20:52
Hello, my problem is that I constantly fall in love with actors, and foreign ones at that. I’ve been married for 10 years, I’m 29, I have no children, because I don’t want and want to leave my husband, because when he’s drunk (albeit rarely) he does very bad things, I don’t love him for a long time, and he doesn’t love me loves me very much, I know for sure. I grew up without a father, but there was a grandfather in the family, and from my youth I was attracted to men much older than me. From the age of 13 I was in love with Valery Meladze, loved him right up to the age of 23, but after I attended his concert and realized that I was one of thousands of the same, the feeling quietly subsided. And then it began as an obsession, on this moment I've been in love with the actor for the 3rd time. I always fall in love with one, and every time it seems that it’s forever, at least I become really happy, experiencing these feelings, I study English, I write poetry, the world just becomes brighter. Why is this happening? After all, I'm 29 years old! I need love, right? And her in real life I don't, but why can't I fall in love with a real person? You will say that I fall in love with an image and so on, but I am always more interested in the person himself, I will not endlessly watch a film with his participation, I am much more interested in looking at his photos or video interviews from life, where he is more natural and not plays, I want to get to know him better, and I always fall in love seriously, I want not only sex with the one I’m in love with, but I also want children from him, I want to live happily ever after with him all my life... but one day everything goes away, disappears somewhere... and it becomes empty and bad. Now I am in love as I was probably in love only with Meladze... this is terribly stupid, but I was in church and asked God to bring our paths together... Tell me what to do? How to eradicate these crushes, leading to insomnia and tears, to pain and happiness at the same time, I’m confused, is it possible to behave so stupidly at my age? Maybe I have deviations? After all, I understand that this is a teenage fate, but it has remained with me. Explain, can such love be realized at all, or will disappointment inevitably follow when meeting and communicating? Although, of course, it depends on what kind of person he turns out to be, but still... I am really very ashamed of what is happening to me and that I am still forced to ask for advice, even if in absentia. Help me to understand. Thanks in advance.
Psychologist's answer
Hello Katte!
We often feel ashamed when we are very different from others in some way, when we are not what we think we should be. Many of us have something about ourselves that others and ourselves find strange. It seems to me that this is not the main thing. The most important thing is how your situation with falling in love with actors prevents you from being happier in your real life today. Or how it helps you to be happy in it.
Yes, it seems that you fall in love with men, building relationships with whom is obviously impossible. One might assume that you intuitively sensed the personality a certain person in the actor on the screen and realized that this person is close to you, if it were one such “strange” love. But you, as you write, fall in love with one after another.
Yes, you dream of being with your loved one, yes, you want to get to know him better. Yes, you are even taking steps towards this - studying English and being interested in the life of this person (however, I’m not sure that it is possible to glean adequate information about a person from mass media)... But all this allows you not to take serious steps to change your life today. You live with a person you don't love. You have already decided for yourself that you want to break up with him, but it seems that you are not trying to do this. Such a life allows you to do nothing and live in dreams that one day you will be happy in love. And even to be happy - to be in love in absentia - to dream about how your life might turn out if some miracle suddenly happens. From somewhere outside.
And this must be very difficult for your husband, who cannot help but feel your dislike, and who is unlikely not to be burdened by your spiritual detachment from him. I don’t doubt your words that he “does very bad things when drunk.” Just don’t forget that because of the accumulated resentment towards your dislike, he can continue to pour out his irritation and pain on you... And it’s hard to live in a marriage without recognition of your value by your loved one...
Perhaps you are afraid of a real love relationship with a real man. Sometimes we suffer from loneliness and at the same time we are afraid to become closer to people, that is, we are afraid to lose our loneliness, so that it does not hurt us even more... Why could this be? By various reasons. One of them is the fear of losing a loved one.
You undoubtedly had something in your life that makes you act the way you do, think and feel the way you think and feel. The only question is whether you can live life to the fullest at the same time, or most of your life passes in dreams...
Dreams greatly decorate our lives, it’s wonderful when it makes us become better, create, treat others warmer, but when they are not realized time after time, we seem to burn out...
And by dreaming, we can invest less in the relationships that we have in our lives, we can try to save ourselves from the pain that lives in us or that our today's life...But that doesn't solve the problem of loneliness, does it?
Why are you attracted to actors? Don't know. Maybe because these people on the screen live some kind of life, maybe because they were able to realize themselves in something, but you don’t really allow yourself to be realized?
Can such love be realized and will disappointment follow? Don't know. If you could check this, it would already be a step towards reality, it would be an experience that you could rely on one way or another. You gained very valuable experience in the situation with Valery Meladze. He made you change your allegiances. True, now you choose people with whom it is even less likely to gain communication experience...
Katte! I don’t think that you are abnormal (is this what you ask when you write about abnormalities?). But it seems to me that it would be better to figure out the reasons for your falling in love. You can, of course, continue to live with your dreams, but life is not endless! And someday you will most likely want children and intimacy with your loved one even more... Try to look for a psychologist whom you can trust and decide to work with him face-to-face. If you live in Moscow, come, I will be glad to work with you.
All the best to you! Sincerely, psychologist Marina Chernyshova
Almost no girl or mature woman has been able to avoid falling in love with someone famous person. I remember, starting from adolescence and school age, my girlfriends, and I myself, sometimes could not remain indifferent to this or that actor.
On the other hand, did we really evaluate his acting or the degree to which he got used to the role? – No, I usually liked the image that he created on the screen. And the image is generally a rather subjective concept, everyone sees something of their own in it and boldly attribute some other features (surely he possesses them, it cannot be otherwise!). For teenage girls, this is most likely a normal process, as it helps them understand what type of men they like, perhaps in the future it will even protect them from the “I want this, I don’t know what” situation.
This kind of falling in love takes a more serious turn when the girl turns into a girl and a woman. This is where problems begin in your personal life. Everyone turns out to be the wrong person and behaves the wrong way. Why is falling in love with an actor in mature life often comes out sideways? The question is more than serious. Unfortunately, I don’t know a single woman who considers herself mature, reasonable, educated, and at the same time is not able to establish personal life, referring to unrequited love and a heart occupied by the “celestial being”. Stupid? - No, rather sad. And when asked why this happens, after reading smart books and relying on your own experience, you can find several plausible explanations.
Firstly, having become seriously interested in an actor, a woman is captivated not by the real him, but by the image (no, not created by him on the screen) created by herself. This is something woven from fantasies, read from books and spied on by real men. Here it would be good to stop in time and realize that this is just collective image. He is beautiful in his collectivity, just as a real man is beautiful in his reality, his ability to hug, help, listen.
Each of us lives in our own own world, often this is a fictional world. Well, let. Just remember that in our world we ourselves are the creators and owners. I have always been amazed by one circumstance: why does a woman allow her fantasies to control her so much as to destroy her unrealistic life? I realized that such women are simply subconsciously afraid of real relationships or even actively do not want them. After all, this is work: trying to get to know a person, understand him, accept him with all his characteristics, be able to find compromises without losing himself and without infringing on his partner. Not everyone is ready for this. This is the second reason. This situation is typical for mature women who have entered into a similar role, only hiding behind it the inability to open up to life.
The situation is completely different with young girls who really want to meet their man. It’s great if such a girl has a created image of her “prince.” She is in a better position than those who simply do not know what or who they want. There is even a special technique for attracting a soul mate.
So, the first and main condition of this technique is a clear definition of the desired person, starting from external data (often the favorite actor is taken as a basis) and ending with the level of education, social status, interests, attitude towards the girl. The technique operates on a principle borrowed from P. Coelho: when you really want something, the whole Universe helps you with it!
Hello, I have a problem that I just can’t get rid of, although I would really like to. I fell in love with a singer, I don’t know what to do now. I recently experienced my first unrequited love, I suffered and suffered, and now I’m so in love that he the person for whom I had feelings has faded into the background, although I feel that I still like him... I absolutely can’t control myself and don’t understand what’s happening, I think about him constantly, and when the thoughts come to me that nothing will ever happen will happen, I give up and don’t want to do anything... He has a girlfriend, but I, even if it’s stupid, am waiting for them to break up. When I see them together, tears fall of their own accord... When I went to a concert and saw seeing him live, I caught myself thinking that it would be better not to see him, because this made it even harder. I didn’t communicate with him and I don’t know what kind of person he really is, I can’t look into his soul. But what is available to people , amazes me. He is ideal for me. I know that there are no ideal people, but he has those qualities that I have never seen in any guy, that I am looking for and that I need, in addition to his character, he is incredibly handsome, never I haven’t seen anyone more beautiful. He is talented, handsome and has a rich inner world... and this is just a devilish combination for me... This is what hooked me in him, and I don’t know how to get rid of it, this has never happened to me
Answers from psychologists
Hello Nastya! In the life of young girls - this often happens - we all fell in love with artists, singers, etc. This is a world of fantasy and imagination. Return to reality and consider the young people who are directly next to you and not an inaccessible fortress. Your singer has a girlfriend and most likely more than one, stars idolize themselves and they don’t even consider ordinary people to be people. Do you need to suffer? Of course not, so watch yours young man which you, as you say, still like. You don’t know this singer closely, how can you say about his qualities if you haven’t communicated with him. Return to real life and you will forget everything, and then you will laugh.
Good answer 8 Bad answer 2Hello, Nastya.
Falling in love with a singer is not a problem. This is part of our life. Many people go through this.
Experiencing unrequited love is also not a problem. This is part of our life. When we begin to realize, it happens in different ways. And we learn to cope with the fact that our love is not noticed and to simply rejoice in the fact that the opportunity has appeared in life - to love at least like this.
But when these “non-problems” begin to interfere with building relationships with others, feeling confident, enjoying life, developing - this is already a problem - when all this begins to slow down and gives rise to the idea that happiness will not shine for you.
“I haven’t talked to him and I don’t know what kind of person he really is, I can’t look into his soul. But what is available to people amazes me. He is ideal for me.” - these are your words. And I think one of the keys to the problem is in the first part.
You haven't communicated. This means that your entire impression is based only on the perception of the stage image and on the perception of how this person looks (behaves) next to someone.
It is clear that when crossing the threshold of an apartment, plunging into everyday life, each of us reveals a lot of everything that is not shown on stage. And every actor, singer, musician behaves differently in everyday life than on stage. And, although the main character traits remain, all this is perceived differently.
Nobody knows whether you will marry a musician or an economist or a representative of another profession. But it’s absolutely certain that you can fall in love with a person who really concentrates in himself those qualities that are very important to you. And the more important these qualities are to you, the more difficult your relationship will be - your dependence on this person-quality.
Or - from your self-esteem, which almost always falls next to such an ideal. Sometimes they fall in love precisely in order to feel their shortcomings and their weaknesses. But why? So what should I do?
I think the answer is obvious - the more confident, professional, and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to experience partings, meetings, and most importantly, the more likely you will be able to meet and love another confident, reliable, worthy kind person who can and will be your partner in family relationships.
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0TV is my enemy!
Because of him, I have loved one actor for more than ten years. I love him so much that I even chose a husband similar to him.
My husband knows that I have an actor and he is my favorite, but he thinks that I treat him like a crazy fan. Oh, if only it were so! But I love him! She named her son after him. Even the middle name, by coincidence, is the same for the actor and his son.
All films with his participation live on my laptop. Every day I watch at least some excerpt from the collection of these films. I try to do this when my husband doesn’t see. Provoking jealousy is the wrong task.
He also plays in the theater. I remember how I wanted to go to his performance. But I didn’t get there because he made a huge scandal. Not about my theater trip, but about the purchase. Yes, he has one thing that drives me crazy. If he doesn't like something I buy without him, he gets incredibly angry. And I continue to buy my favorite things, many of which I try to wear when he is on a business trip. I also wear them when I go to visit my girlfriends: I take them with me, change clothes there, and enjoy them. It seems like I’m a little ashamed in front of my friends, but they know what a complicated life I have.
All that's left is a ticket and dreams
The ticket is in your cosmetic bag, your dreams are in your thoughts. In the morning, while Zhenya was sleeping, I took the ticket in my hand and began to dream. I dream about the past... And the sound of this phrase is quite funny. But I’m also glad that the actor is an idol of the inner world.
The actor I love is not a gift
Newspapers and magazines write that he beat women, partyed heavily and drank. But I would give my whole life for at least a day spent with him as his lady of the heart. I even have dreams with his participation. I can say that I often live in these dreams.
My husband and I have not been getting along for a long time. His character is complex. No matter how much I tried to adapt to him, nothing worked. Still, he found something to present his claims to.
The films of my favorite actor heal and save me
It's good that I have them in large quantities. There are still six films missing, but these are little things to buy. I buy newspapers, CDs, articles, and photos. And everything is a secret from her husband. He has an inferiority complex. So he gets mad that I have some “predilections” of my own. Well, people can’t understand that I have nothing with the actor! I won’t arrange anything there, “knock out” anything. I just live because I love him. And, by the way, I don’t dare bother anyone with my love.
He is my dream, but he is a married man
And he has children. It's stupid to do anything against them. Would I spend one night with him if the opportunity arose? Yes! I tell it like it is. For the sake of this actor and love for him, I am ready to go “left”. Of course, I would confess everything to my husband. And I would be completely “parallel” to what he would say or think about me.
My Zhenya has a car just like his. I’ll get my license soon and will drive it when I’m in the “going away” mood. When Zhenya bought it, he consulted with me. I didn’t say whose favorite car it was, otherwise I definitely would never have bought it.
I switch channels: It’s him again!
And again - my heart flew away. I would like to love my husband as much as my Mr. Love. I don’t know, maybe everything would have worked out for me if he (dear hubby) stopped behaving like an owner or like a small child. I don’t like this in men!
Eloise is my friend. She personally knows my beloved. I've heard a lot about him. But I believed and believe exclusively in the good. And I find my explanation for everything bad.
I found the following excuse for the fact that he is a womanizer: Almost all handsome and attractive male people are womanizers.
The fact that he drinks often is the following: The life of a celebrity is not as simple as it might seem.
I recently started writing poems and dedicated them to him...
My husband found the poems and decided that I wrote them to him. How everything got better for us instantly! The first time - to perfection. “Weaving poetry” about love saved me. In general, everyone knows that feelings are written about most often. You open any book with poems - in almost all of them you can find the word “love”.
When everything started to get better with my husband, I thanked my own poems. I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened to me if it weren’t for them. And my husband is great: he managed to find what I tried so hard to hide. She hid it on purpose, but Zhenya didn’t realize that it was so. The “poetry” notebook lay neatly at the table, as if I had dropped it. Cool, she fell, like!
Zhenya loves to reread poetry. He says that I am a talent. Eh, if only he hadn’t touched this “talent” and terrorized him. Otherwise, when it starts to bother you, you don’t want to live. Yesterday I found many, many photographs of my beloved actor on the Internet. I downloaded and hid them in an “invisible” folder. I hope that Zhenechka won’t think of looking into it. And by the way, I have a “weapon”! On his laptop, by the way, there are a sea of gigabytes of various erotica. If it arises, I will remind you of his such a treasure. I really want to see what he has to say about this. Rather, it will simply remain silent. Making excuses is useless. If he says something rude, I can answer.
I keep thinking about my actor...
Such thoughts will probably never end. I want to meet him. At least from a distance. At least by accident. But it turns out - only virtually. We are in different worlds we live. And two worlds cannot be combined into one world. Nothing will calm me down. Only time. But how long must it take before I calm down? A year, two, three... They will seem like an eternity. A day is already a small eternity.
Loving an actor is hard
But hearts do not choose whom to love. I was not lucky. And, seriously, I’m not at all happy that I’m not only person, suffering from such “unlucky” love.
Everyone expresses their suffering in their own way. I express myself with daydreams and daydreams, some with suicidal thoughts. Well... I won’t go as far as committing suicide: it’s a sin.
I wish everyone who has walked in my shoes to be strong and prudent! Appreciate life, love it!
I fell in love with the Actor -
