Women who are afraid of loneliness have always lived and will live on earth. They often marry people who are completely unsuitable for them and live, enduring humiliation and betrayal, only because they are afraid of being alone.
They come up with various epithets: "burden of loneliness", "captivity of loneliness", but married life can turn out to be an even heavier burden and a terrible captivity. And loneliness has many advantages, which I want to tell readers about today from the pages of the Korolevnam.ru magazine.
Family life is not a panacea?
Family life always begins with a happy smile, bright prospects, and plans for the future. And divorce is always difficult, no matter what caused it.
My heart breaks from the realization that for so many years I believed someone who cannot be trusted, that I opened my soul to someone who did not need it, and how can I trust anyone at all now.
Perhaps it is precisely because of these borderline states and there was a stereotype that loneliness is bad and scary.
You shouldn’t give in to emotions, emotions will pass, but loneliness will remain, and if you learn to see its advantages, it can become a friend.
Pros and cons of loneliness
I have been living alone for six years now. For a long time It took me to understand that alcoholism is not so much a disease as a way of life that does not suit me at all. And then I left my husband and filed for divorce.
Loneliness is a plus
At first, I just slept, no one came home in the middle of the night, didn’t stomp, didn’t turn on the lights in all the rooms, didn’t sort things out.
That's how I found out about The first advantage of loneliness is the ability to sleep when you want and as much as you want.
When I got up to the stove, I wanted to sing: I didn’t have to rack my brains about what to cook so that my husband and I would like it at the same time.
He hated beets, pasta, beef and sausages, and it was not always possible to cook separate dishes.
Now I can calmly stew a whole pan of beets and not think about cooking for a couple of days.
In shops or on a walk in park flirted with strangers, and no one made scenes of jealousy and hours of interrogation.
A little about the cons
Of course, a single woman, especially if she is still raising children, has a difficult responsibility. financial support for your family. And in a hectic time of reforms and crises, this may seem like a big minus of loneliness.
But there’s nothing to worry about here either, and a minus can easily be turned into a plus. There are a lot of open vacancies and it’s not difficult to find a job you like. Nowadays, many organizations provide training to employees when hiring. So even if you don’t really know how to do anything, you have a great chance to learn something new.
Mastering a new type of activity will give impetus to personal development. And if you like the work, professionalism and an increase in salary will come, and with them confidence in yourself and your abilities.
When you are sitting at work, and in your thoughts: “What to cook for dinner, and the laundry is up to the ceiling, and the tomatoes are ripe - the tomato needs to be boiled, but today he will come sober or drunk, and what if he brings more guests,”- where can we think about personal growth? I would have enough strength to have dinner and walk to bed.
In addition to material security, also as a minus of a woman’s loneliness is lack of sex.
Who actually said that you can’t have sex alone? It is not at all necessary to live together in order to sometimes give each other joy. Moreover, our men are sure that we want to get married (that’s right, they’ve been listening for so many years that there aren’t enough of them), and when you say that you live well alone, a spark of genuine interest lights up in their eyes.
Time passes, and they understand that this woman will not tolerate their whims just for the sake of having pants nearby, which means that this woman can and should be respected.
Let's sum it up
So, what advantages have we found in being a woman alone:
Firstly , the opportunity to go to bed when you want, and not when your husband has watched “Universal Soldier” for the 100th time.
Secondly , the opportunity to cook only your favorite dishes or not to cook at all, but to eat semi-finished products (not all women have a love of cooking).
Fourth , the opportunity to flirt and have affairs.
Fifthly , washing fewer items, which saves both time and money. It just seems that the cost per wash is small (water, powder, electricity). What if there are 5-6 of these washes per month? What if it's 15?
At sixth , the ability to choose a field of activity without regard to someone else’s opinion. Parents, even if they don’t understand, will still support, and children will be pleased to see a calm and confident mother. Moreover, they will project her condition onto themselves, which will have a good effect on their personal growth.
Seventh , you can stay late at work without fear of jealousy. You can stay with a friend. Yes, you don’t have to come to spend the night at all! (In the latter case, be sure to warn the children or send them to a friend or grandmother for the night.)
Eighth , you can get completely drunk (drunk, drunk, whatever you like), and no one will blame you. Of course, you shouldn’t drink too much, but it won’t hurt to relax from time to time. Children, when they see a drunk mother, are at first puzzled, and then have fun remembering for a long time.
Since the overall volume of household chores is decreasing, you can create a schedule for yourself and manage everything.
Well, for example, like this: Monday - cleaning, Tuesday - cooking, Wednesday - washing, Thursday - twisting cans, and so on in any order and sequence. On a weekend, you can lie on the couch with a book from morning to evening or go somewhere with your children.
All of these factors together bring calm, and calm is an indispensable condition for a healthy psyche.
I'm not saying that everyone married women I urgently need to get a divorce and live alone. If you have a good caring husband, if mutual respect and understanding are firmly strengthened in your family, if you “look together in the same direction,” I can only wish for long years your marriage.
I just want to encourage those women who have not yet met their man or have met the wrong one.
Don’t despair, don’t consider the years you have lived in vain. Better use them to grow and develop your personality, become self-sufficient, love and respect yourself.
Only the unknown is scary, and now you know everything about loneliness and its advantages!
5 (100%) 1 vote
They say that being a lonely person is very scary. They say that people are ready to endure any humiliation, just not to be left alone. And loneliness in this case does not mean a desert island, but only a temporary, or even not so much, absence of a couple.
For some reason loneliness is very scary. Nevertheless, here too many are trying to find a glass half full. One of the main advantages of loneliness is often called the opportunity to improve oneself, study, take care of oneself and prepare for something big and bright that awaits you ahead. But preparing for something big and bright is, of course, the wrong path, because it prevents you from fully living today. In fact, everything is much simpler.
Advantages of living alone:
1. You are absolutely free
Relationships still imply a certain lack of freedom. You have to adapt, look for a compromise and go to other people’s family holidays.
2. No one will cheat on you
3. You are free from jealousy
And from both sides at once: neither you nor you.
We recommend reading 
4. No one will crumble cookies into your bed.
5. You don't have to be afraid of abandonment.
Yes, yes, not being alone often does not eliminate fears, but only adds to them.
6. You don't have to spend money on gifts.
Imagine the approximate amount you managed to save, starting from the New Year and ending on February 23 or March 8. Money doesn’t buy happiness, of course, but they also don’t lie on the road, since that’s the case.
7. Don’t call anyone from the store with the question “what should I buy?”
8. No one will criticize you
No one will tell you that it’s time to lose a couple of kilograms, change your hairstyle, or finally learn how to park properly.
9. You can sleep spread out across the entire width of the bed and not argue about who is against the wall.
10. You don't have to worry about anyone.
Missed calls, phone switched off at three in the morning, calling friends in the morning? No, we haven't heard.
11. No one will deceive you
12. You are not in danger of becoming paranoid with a twitching eye, quietly checking your email and mobile phone his partner, secretly visiting the pages social networks his work colleagues and flinch from every SMS message coming to his phone.
13. You can plan your life based solely on your own interests.
14. You don't have to take care of anyone
In theory, of course, we are all equally grown-up and independent people, but in reality we always have to clean up after someone and cook for someone.
15. You don't need to consult anyone when making big decisions.
16. No one will ruin your mood
to his bad mood, For example.
17. No one will occupy the bathroom in the morning.
18. You don’t need to justify or report to anyone.
Return home late, leave a party early, turn off the phone... Wherever I want, I fly there.
19. You can lie around with a book instead of cooking soup.
20. You are free for new relationships
Yes exactly! You can meet whoever you want and flirt with whoever you want.
21. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations.
Try to look better than you really are, think about not wrinkling your forehead and try to suck in your stomach all the time.
22. No one will hurt you
23. You are not financially dependent on anyone.
Well, yes, you can get used to living with a more than well-earning partner, counting on his help, and then be left broke.
24. The TV remote control is always in your hands
25. No one will wake you up late at night
Forgetting your keys, returning from a party, or simply falling out of bed.
26. You are spared the hassle of queuing for your own toilet.
27. You can eat a diet of one leaf of cabbage and a sprig of parsley, and no one will eat ham and cheese pies under your nose.
28. You learn to rely only on yourself.
There is a safety net in the form of partner support today, but not tomorrow.
29. No one will come to you very tipsy and will not break a plate from your favorite set.
And no one will hit, by the way, either.
30. No one will hint that “he is not a match for you”
Well, or vice versa.
31. There will always be order in your home (or chaos - if you prefer)
You don’t need to walk around your apartment looking for lost socks, close uncapped bottles and tubes, and pick up cups thrown on the sofa armrests. Or vice versa - no one will force you to do it.
32. You don't need to hypnotize your phone while waiting for a call.
33. No one will leave you. With things and forever.
In the company of friends or acquaintances, a lonely person is constantly trying to find a soul mate. It so happens that people consider loneliness to be something negative, and the majority are completely afraid of being left without a partner for a long time. But loneliness, oddly enough, also brings many positive aspects. What exactly are the advantages of loneliness, let's look at it right now.
Time for yourself, loved one
Perhaps the main one positive side loneliness - you will always have time for yourself. After all, relationships are also a kind of work that requires a waste of time and effort. And some are so passionate about their partner that they lose their own personality in him. Think about what YOU want, not what is expected of you. Loneliness will force you to turn to your goals, develop and find.
A breath of freedom
You can enjoy your independence and do whatever your heart desires without encountering restrictions. Often relationships deteriorate due to close contact over a long period of time and strict control over every step. After all, no matter how much a person is in love or attached, there is the concept of “personal space”, and no couple is able to withstand 24/7 together. It is worth reconsidering your views on the essence of the relationship if the reason for the breakup was precisely the lack of freedom. As you can see, the advantages of loneliness lie in the very essence of being alone with yourself.
Give up close relationships and be only alone with yourself... Let's figure out what is bad and good for a person to be alone?
Man, as we know, is not only a biological, but also a social creature. And therefore, each of us, it seems, is simply obliged to make friends, a soul mate, a family. But not everyone succeeds in this, and some voluntarily give up this in favor of loneliness, living life only with themselves. Some people think this is abnormal and unacceptable. Some people see in loneliness a certain romantic flair, and someone, on the contrary, is afraid of loneliness, tries to avoid it and fights with any accessible ways, while feeling sorry for those who are doomed to a lonely life. So what is loneliness, is it good or bad?
If we go back several thousand years, the answer is clearly negative: loneliness is bad. Thus, a person doomed to loneliness was at the same time doomed to starvation. Feed yourself and survive without the support of other people it was extremely difficult and almost impossible, because food was obtained by a whole group of people, and they also defended themselves from the dangers that awaited them together. However, despite the fact that modern man is not in such danger, unlike his ancestors, and those times are long gone, some still believe that loneliness is abnormal and wrong, and to some extent suspicious , and outside of society a person is unable to survive. But is this really so?
From dangers, which loneliness carries within itself for modern man, we can perhaps name the possible appearance and development of depression, insomnia, alcohol and drug abuse. But this only applies to, so to speak, forced social isolation. What if loneliness is conscious choice? Indeed, in the 21st century there are much more careerists who refuse to build a family in favor of their favorite job than there were before, even compared to the last century. And many sociological studies show that a large number of adults who do not have a family or significant other are satisfied with their situation. In their opinion, being single is precisely what gives them self confidence, makes it possible to be easy-going, not to depend on anyone or anything, and, in the end, this is a sea of opportunities for climbing career ladder. A professional success For many people in the 21st century, building relationships with other people is much more important.
However, one way or another, a feeling of loneliness sooner or later “rolls over” any person, and this is normal. Who among us has not felt sad in the evening, considering ourselves abandoned, sitting waiting for news from friends or family? It is also normal that a person can feel absolutely comfortable in his loneliness. But a completely different problem is loneliness caused by social isolation, when a person wants and seeks communication, but does not receive it. He wants and seeks love, but does not find it. It is this loneliness that leads to the above-mentioned dangers and harmful addictions.
However, the reasons for this social isolation often it may not be the people around us and their attitude towards us, but ourselves. The radical way to solve such a problem, if the problem really is in the society around us, is, of course, to completely change our social circle. If you were not accepted in one group, you will definitely be accepted in another. But if it doesn’t work out again, then it’s worth thinking about what we’re doing wrong?
Perhaps you need to learn to compromise, become more friendly, socially active, and then everything will work out. After all, today loneliness to some extent can be called a wake-up call. After all, just as, for example, pain in the body makes us understand that something in the body has gone wrong, and tells us about the need to solve the problem, loneliness makes it clear to a person that in his psychological system, the system of social connections has failed.
But loneliness is not only an alarm bell and a problem. Often, although we ourselves do not know it, this is a whole sea of opportunities for ourselves.
Living at a frantic pace, plunging headlong into the daily bustle, modern man simply has no time for himself. And this is where loneliness, be it a conscious choice or that same alarm bell mentioned above, gives a person the opportunity to be alone with himself, to understand and rethink something, to get to know himself and his own better. inner world . After all, we often perceive ourselves only through the prism of our relationships with other people, in some ways adapting to them, revealing ourselves to ourselves only through relationships with others. Therefore, loneliness is a good reason and a good time to study ourselves. This is what is called reflection. This is a great time for introspection. However, note, introspection, not soul-searching! Thus, we can say that it contributes to the development of a mature personality.
In addition to the above, this a great opportunity not only rethink something, but also finally spend time on yourself. Fulfill your forgotten desires and dreams, achieve old goals and set new ones. Remember that the most dear person to you is yourself, which means you can finally devote your free time to yourself and do something you’ve long dreamed of. Travel, take walks, work more, learn new languages - there are a lot of options, and the choice is only yours.
Thus, we can say that loneliness, like everything else in this world, is useful in certain quantities for every person. And everyone creates their own comfort. Some people are comfortable spending time at noisy parties surrounded by a whole crowd of friends, while others need just one close person nearby, but for some this person is himself. And there is nothing abnormal in this, because it is only his choice.
People are divided into two categories: some are looking for how to overcome loneliness, others are looking for how to enjoy it. However, the fear of being alone is one of the main fears of the fair half of humanity, and therefore finding a positive in this problem is the lot of the wise...
SOCIETY CONDENSES - THIS IS A MINUS
Society most often demands: be like everyone else, and a single woman is perceived, so to speak, less valuable when there is no partner nearby. Look: if a man is single, this is an asset to him, because he is a potential groom. If a woman is lonely, those around her feel sorry for her, sympathize with her, and try to introduce her to someone. For example, a married lady with three children and a drunkard husband calls her lonely friend, while her friend is taking a bath with a strawberry mask on her face. “Lyusenka,” says the married woman, “when I think that you’re there alone, my heart bleeds!” This cute anecdote is not so far from life.
The unfulfilled personal life of daughters is a headache for mothers. And they openly make fun of the “old maid”, calling her a “blue stocking” or a “little one” behind her back. The townsfolk whisper: “Nobody takes it” or seal it an offensive word"abandoned". Married friends often try to avoid single people as possible homewreckers. They also irritate their ringed friends, they say, we spend all day running around the house, torn between our husbands and children, putting up with hated mothers-in-law, but this one can do nothing, live for herself...
LESS RESPONSIBILITY AND OBLIGATIONS IS A PLUS
Yes, indeed, a single woman has more opportunities to pay attention to herself. There is an opportunity to cook less often, clean her house without fanaticism, in a word, relax. You can do those things that irritated your partner so much, for example, walk around the house in a robe, hang clothes on chairs, dye your hair the color that not your husband likes, but she likes. You don’t have to save on cosmetics and perfume, because she manages the budget herself and doesn’t have to account for the money spent. He no longer bothers: “Why do you need another dress? I already like you!” No one makes comments, does not sneer at her plump figure, does not laugh at her hobbies. And the bad habits of your ex (husband, partner, lover) do not irritate you, because no one comes home angry and irritated, does not throw dirty socks around, does not snore...
SELF-ESTEEM IS LOWERED - THIS IS A MINUS
The fear of being alone is so strong in women that it can completely distort real picture peace. Many are ashamed of their loneliness; this pushes them into loveless marriages, sometimes into unequal relationships. During a divorce, their offended pride does not allow them to look at those around them soberly, without emotion, and to understand that there are no hopeless situations, but only critical ones, from which there is always a way out. Unfortunately, for many, an inferiority complex blooms like a bright bouquet, and self-esteem plummets. Having once experienced pain and disappointment, a woman, instead of enduring the test with dignity, falls into a generalization and perceives all men as enemies, feeling sorry for herself. The eternal external blaming syndrome prevents her from critically assessing her behavior, because both partners are always to blame for the breakdown of a relationship. Many are also lonely because their demands are absolutely unreasonably high - one is waiting for a prince on a white horse, the other for an oligarch... It’s called “Cinderella Syndrome”. You can go to the other extreme: changing men like gloves in order to prove to yourself your importance, attractiveness, and necessity. How can one not remember that a self-sufficient, self-confident woman will never try to please her; she is liked anyway. Often women loudly declare their independence from men, fall into false feminism, and cry into their pillows at night, “embracing the emptiness.”
THE ABILITY TO PERCEIVE LONELINESS AS A GIFT IS A PLUS
According to Bernard Shaw, being able to endure and enjoy solitude is a great gift. Connoisseur female soul Honore de Balzac said that “loneliness is a wonderful thing, but you need someone to tell you that solitude is a wonderful thing.” Alas, none of us is immune from losses, but the ability to find positivity in them helps us survive temporary suffering. It's something like lifebuoy in the ocean of life. A woman who, for one reason or another, is left alone, figuratively speaking, is like a fallow field. For some time nothing will grow there. You need to take a break from the affair (or marriage), take stock, understand your mistakes and mistakes. Move away from the grievances and hardships of a failed personal life or try, no matter how hard it may be, to come to terms with the death of your spouse. It would be nice to become a kind of philosopher, when you turn your own pain into wisdom. They say overcoming difficulties is one of the pleasures of life. It would be good to follow this postulate, and not indulge in universal sadness, as if the whole world had insulted you...
IT HAS A NEGATIVE AFFECT ON HEALTH - THIS IS A MINUS
You need to be able to distinguish between the concepts of “being lonely” and the feeling of inner loneliness. As they say, the worst loneliness is loneliness together, the presence of a person nearby who does not understand you. However, various kinds of diseases can occur in both cases, because prolonged experiences and dissatisfaction with oneself weaken the immune system. Hence the weakness and chronic fatigue, and insomnia, as well as inflammation, arthritis, etc. By the way, loneliness is not the same as a love of solitude, in which a person is much more comfortable than with someone. According to the doctor philosophical sciences, psychoanalyst, writer Nazip Khamitov, communication is an inhalation, and solitude is an exhalation. The personality must breathe...
SINGLE WOMEN LOOK BETTER THAN MARRIED WOMEN - THIS IS A PLUS
“You look good,” says one friend to another, “rested or divorced?” Indeed, a free woman gets better sleep, spends less time at the kitchen martin, spends more time in nature, and all this has a beneficial effect on her appearance. If the stress associated with loneliness contributes to the release of adrenaline and renewal, then nothing threatens your health. The belief that the situation will change for the better and that the marriage resource has not yet been exhausted gives a woman strength and the ability to withstand troubles. Many people start doing fitness, dancing, going to the pool, and communicating more with friends. Often, during periods of forced pause, hitherto unknown talents are revealed, paintings are created, books are written. Sublimation is a great thing - this is how nature protects the beautiful half of humanity. When a woman regains self-confidence and loves herself, those around her will feel it, so that in the near future she may have a meeting with her beloved.
Well, if loneliness cannot be avoided, maybe it’s worth making friends with it and temporarily settling into a new situation?
