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Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky
MYSTERY-BUFF
A HEROIC, EPIC AND SATIRIC PICTURE OF OUR ERA
Second option
“Mystery-bouffe” is the road. Road of revolution. No one can predict with accuracy what other mountains we will have to blow up as we walk this road. Today the word “Lloyd George” pierces the ear, and tomorrow the English themselves will forget his name. Today the will of millions is striving for the commune, and in fifty years, perhaps, the air dreadnoughts of the commune will rush to attack distant planets.
Therefore, leaving the road (form), I again changed parts of the landscape (content).
In the future, everyone who plays, stages, reads, prints “Mystery-Buffe”, change the content - make its content modern, today, momentary.
VALID:
1. Seven pairs of pure: 1) Abyssinian Negus, 2) Indian Raja, 3) Turkish Pasha, 4) Russian speculator, 5) Chinese, 6) Well-fed Persian, 7) Clemenceau, 8) German, 9) Pop, 10) Australian , 11) Wife of an Australian, 12) Lloyd George, 13) American and 14) Diplomat.
2. Seven pairs of unclean ones: 1) Red Army soldier, 2) Lamplighter, 3) Driver, 4) Miner, 5) Carpenter, 6) Farmhand, 7) Servant, 8) Blacksmith 9) Baker, 10) Laundress, 11) Seamstress, 12 ) Machinist, 13) Eskimo fisherman and 14) Eskimo hunter.
3. Compromiser.
4. Intelligentsia.
5. Lady with cardboard boxes.
6. Devils: 1) Beelzebub, 2) Chief Devil, 3) Messenger, 4) 2nd Messenger, 5) Guard, 6) 20 pure ones with horns and tails.
7. Saints: 1) Methuselah, 2) Jean Jacques Rousseau, 3) Leo Tolstoy, 4) Gabriel, 5) Angel, 6) 2nd angel and 7) angels.
8. Hosts.
9. Operating Promised Land: 1) Hammer, 2) Sickle, 3) Machines, 4) Trains, 5) Cars, 6) Plane, 7) Pliers, 8) Needle, 9) Saw, 10) Bread, 11) Salt, 12) Sugar, 13) Matter, 14) Boot, 15) Board with lever.
10. Man of the future.
LOCATIONS
1. The whole universe. 2. Ark. 3. Hell. 4. Paradise. 5. Land of Wrecks. 6. Promised Land.
PROLOGUE
Unclean
After a minute
we will show you...
Mystery-buff.
I must say two words:
This
the thing is new.
To jump over your head,
I need someone to help.
Before a new play
a prologue is needed.
Firstly,
Why
Is the whole theater destroyed?
Well-meaning people
This will be very infuriating.
Why do you go to performances?
In order to get pleasure -
is not it?
Isn't it a great pleasure to watch?
if the pleasure is only on stage;
scene -
only one third.
Means,
in an interesting performance
if you build everything up,
then your pleasure will triple,
and if
the performance is uninteresting,
it's not worth watching
and one third.
For other theaters
it doesn't matter to present:
for them
scene -
keyhole.
Please sit still,
straight or oblique
and see a piece of someone else's life.
You look and see -
lounging on the sofa
Aunt Mani
yes Uncle Vanya.
And we are not interested
neither uncle nor aunt, -
You will find aunts and uncles at home.
We will also show real life,
but she
The theater has transformed it into an extraordinary spectacle.
The essence of the first action is this:
the ground is leaking.
Then - stomping.
Everyone is running from the revolutionary flood.
Seven pairs of unclean ones
and seven pure pairs,
that is
fourteen poor proletarians
and fourteen bourgeois bars,
and between them,
with a pair of tear-stained cheeks -
Menshevich.
The pole is overwhelmed.
The last refuge is collapsing.
And everyone starts building
not even an ark
and the ark.
In the second act
The public travels in the ark:
here you have autocracy
and a democratic republic,
and finally
overboard,
under the Menshevik howl,
the clean ones were thrown upside down.
The third act shows
that the workers
there is nothing to be afraid of,
even devils in the middle of hell.
In the fourth -
laugh harder! -
paradise appears.
In the fifth act there is devastation,
opening his immense mouth,
crushes and eats.
Even though we worked on a hungry belly,
but by us
Devastation was defeated.
In the sixth act -
commune, -
the whole hall,
sing at the top of your lungs!
Look with all your eyes!
All is ready?
And hell?
And heaven?
From behind the stage.
Ready!
Let's!
ACT ONE
At the glow of the northern lights, the globe rests with its pole on the ice of the floor. The ropes of latitudes and longitudes intersect in ladders all over the ball. Between two walruses propping up the world, an Eskimo hunter, with his finger in the ground, yells to another, stretched out in front of him by the fire.
Hunter
Hey!
Hey!
Fisherman
Loudmouth.
There is no other matter -
poke the ground with your finger.
Hunter
Fisherman
Where is the hole?
Hunter
Fisherman
What's flowing?
Hunter
Fisherman (jumping up, running up and looking under the pinching finger)
Oooh!
The work of unclean hands.
Crap!
I'll go warn the polar
circle.
Running. A German, wrung out his sleeves, rushes at him from behind the slope of the world. He looks for a button for a second and, not finding it, grabs the wool of his fur coat.
German
Ger Eskimo!
Ger Eskimo!
It's terribly rushed!
A couple of minutes...
Fisherman
German
So - today I’m sitting in my restaurant
on Friedrichstrasse.
Sun through the window
it beckons.
Day,
like a bourgeois before the revolution, it’s clear.
The audience is sitting
and quietly scheidemanit.
Having eaten the soup,
I look at the bottled Eiffels.
Think:
What kind of beef should I take?
And should I start making beef?
I'm watching -
and lunch stuck in my throat:
something is wrong with the Alley of Victories.
Stone Hohenzollerns,
standing between the daisies,
suddenly they flew upside down.
Hum.
I run to the roof.
Fighting around the tavern frame,
waterless surf,
no fuss,
ran
the neighborhoods were overwhelmed.
Berlin is a troubled sea of delirium,
invisible waves bass notes.
And for,
and above,
and under,
and before -
dreadnought houses!
And before I could spread my thoughts,
Is it from Foch, or from...
Fisherman
German
I'm all
soaked to the bone.
I'm watching -
everything is dry
but it pours, and pours, and pours.
And suddenly,
ruins of Pompeii more pompous, picture
opened up -
with roots
Berlin was torn out
and drowned in the abyss,
at the world in a molten furnace.
I woke up on the ridge of flowing villages.
I collected all my yacht club experience, -
and so
in front of you,
dearest,
All,
what is left now of Europe.
Fisherman
B-b-a little...
German
It will calm down, of course...
a day or two.
Fisherman
Yes, speak without these European jokes!
What do you want? There's no time for you here.
German (showing horizontally)
Allow me to visit your dear
seals.
The fisherman annoyedly waves his hand at the fire, goes in the other direction - to warn the circle - and stumbles upon the wet Australians running out from behind another slope.
Fisherman (retreating in surprise)
Weren’t there even more disgusting faces?!
Australian man with his wife. (together)
We are Australians.
Australian.
I'm Australian.
We had everything.
Something like this:
platypus, palm tree, porcupine, cactus!..
Australian (crying in a rush of feeling)
And now
we're gone
everything is lost:
and cacti,
and platypuses,
and palm trees -
everything drowned...
everything is at the bottom...
Fisherman (pointing at the reclining German)
Here, go to them.
And then they are alone.
Getting ready to go again, the Eskimo stopped, listening to two voices from two sides of the globe.
Cauldron, ooh!
Second
Cylinder, ooh!
First
It's getting stronger!
Stay north latitude!
Second
It's raging!
Grab the southern longitude!
An Englishman and a Frenchman are sliding down the ropes of latitude and longitude from the globe. Everyone hoists the national flag.
Englishman
The banner has been hoisted.
I am the owner full of snow.
Frenchman
Englishman (laying out some goods)
No - mine
I'm already trading.
Frenchman (starting to get angry)
No - mine
and you look for another one.
Englishman (enraged)
Ah well!
May you die!
Frenchman (enraged)
Ah well!
I'll put a bump on your nose!
Englishman (climbs with fists on the Frenchman)
England, hip-hip!
Frenchman (climbs with fists on the Englishman)
Viv la France!
Australian (rushes to separate)
Well, people!
Not the people, but pure rabble:
there are no more empires,
no imperials
and they are still punching each other in the face.
Fisherman
Eh, you
imperialists!
German
Come on, right!
Fisherman
What a crowd!
Our merchant falls directly on the head of the Eskimo, who is about to leave again.
Merchant
Honorables,
this mess!
Yes, I'm Asia?
“Destroy Asia” is a decree from the heavens.
Yes, I’ve never been Asian!
(Having calmed down a little.)
Yesterday in Tula
I sit quietly in a chair.
How the doors will burst!
Well, I think -
from Cheka!
I have, you understand,
My cheek turned pale.
But
God is most merciful in the world:
It turns out that it’s not Cheka – the wind.
It dripped a little
then it went
further more,
more - higher,
poured into the streets
the roofs blew...
All
Quiet!
Quiet!
Frenchman
Do you hear?
Do you hear the stomping?
Many approaching voices.
Flood! flood! flood! about the flood! flood!
Englishman (horrified)
Oh my God!
Misfortune - like from a drainpipe,
and then there’s this eastern question.
Ahead is the Negus, behind him is the Chinese, Persian, Turk, Raja, priest, compromiser. The procession is closed by all seven pairs of unclean ones pouring in from all sides.
Negus
At least a little blacker than snow, sir,
but nonetheless
I am an Abyssinian Negus.
My respects.
I have now left my Africa.
The Nile, the river boa constrictor, wriggled in it.
How the Nile became enraged, squeezing the kingdom into a river,
and my Africa was drowned in it.
Although there is no name,
but nonetheless…
Fisherman (annoyingly)
…but nonetheless
my respects.
We heard, we heard!
Negus
Please don't forget -
Negus is talking to you,
and the negus wants to eat.
What is this?
Must be a tasty dog?
Fisherman
Negus mistakenly tries to sit on Lloyd George, who looks like two peas in a pod.
Fisherman
Go sit down and don’t dirty anyone.
Englishman (scared)
Fisherman (addressing others)
What do you want?
Chinese
Nothing!
Nothing!
Drown my China!
Persian
Persia,
my Persia has sunk!
Rajah
Even India
Celestial India, and that!
Pasha
And only one memory remains from Turkey!
A lady breaks through from the crowd of clean ones with an endless amount of cardboard boxes.
Lady
Be careful!
Don't tear it!
The silk is thin!
(To the fisherman.)
Man,
Help me put up the cardboards.
She's so sweet!
How spicy!..
Fisherman
Idle parasite!
Frenchman
What kind of nation will you be?
Lady
My nation is the most diverse.
At first she was Russian -
Russia has become narrow to me.
These Bolsheviks are such a horror!
I am an elegant woman
with a subtle soul -
I took it and became an Estonian.
The Bolsheviks began to press on the outskirts -
I became a citizen of Ukraine.
We took Kharkov ten times -
I settled in some republic in Odessa.
Odessa was taken, Wrangel in Crimea -
I took it and obeyed him.
They drove the whites across the sea and across the field -
I'm already Turkish
I'm walking around Constantinople.
The Bolsheviks began to come closer -
and I’m already a Parisian.
I'm walking in Paris.
I've changed forty nations, I confess, I -
Now I have the Kamchatka nation.
What a lousy summer at the poles:
You can't show a single toilet!
Fisherman (shouts at clean people)
Quiet!
Quiet!
What is this hum?
Compromiser (hysterically separates from the crowd)
Listen! -
I can't!
Listen!
What is it?
There is no dry place in the world!
Listen!
Leave me alone!
Let me go home
to the office!
Listen!
I can't!
I thought there would be a flood according to Kautsky.
And the wolves are full,
and the sheep are safe.
And now -
people kill each other.
Lovely red ones!
Dear white ones!
Listen, I can't!
Frenchman
Don't rub your eyes...
don't bite your lips...
(Those approaching the fire unclean, arrogantly.)
Which nations are you?!
Unclean (together)
To chase everything around the world
Our wandering people are used to it.
We are not nations,
our work is our homeland.
Frenchman
Blacksmith (the Frenchman, patting him on his hefty belly)
The sound of the flood is probably in your ears?
Laundress (to him, mockingly and shrilly)
Would you lie down and sleep on the bed now?
I wish I could let you into the trenches and the mines!
Red Army soldier (menacingly)
I would go into the trenches -
It's wet in the trenches.
Seeing a brewing “conflict” between the pure and the unclean, a compromiser rushes to separate them.
Compromiser
Darlings! Well, don't! Don't start swearing!
Stop looking sideways at each other.
Stretch out your hands
hug each other
Gentlemen, comrades,
I have to agree.
Frenchman (viciously)
Fisherman (viciously. Both the fisherman and the Frenchman crutch the neck of the compromiser)
Oh, you compromiser!
Oh, you compromiser!
Compromiser (running away, beaten, whining)
Here you go,
again…
I'm good to him
and he…
It's always like this:
you call me to agree,
and they will hit you on both sides.
The unclean pass by, separating the disgustingly huddled crowd of the clean, and sit down by the fire. A crowd of pure ones closes in a circle behind them.
Pasha (climbs out into the middle)
Believers!
We need to discuss what happened.
Let's delve into the essence of the phenomenon.
Merchant
It's simple -
doomsday
And in my opinion - a flood.
Frenchman
And it’s not a flood at all,
otherwise
it was raining.
Rajah
Yes,
there was no rain.
Diplomat
So this idea is also wild...
Pasha
But anyway -
What happened, true believers?
Let's, true believers, look at the root.
Merchant
The people, in my opinion, have become rebellious.
German
I think it's war, I.
Intelligentsia
No,
In my opinion, the reason is different.
In my opinion, metaphysical...
Merchant (dissatisfied)
War is metaphysical!
We started with Adam!
Take turns!
Take turns!
Don't cause sodomy.
Pasha
Let's talk gradually.
Your word, student!
(Justifies himself in front of the crowd.)
And he even has foam on his lips.
Intellectual
At first
everything was simple:
day gave way to night,
but only
The dawn has become too angry!
After -
laws,
concepts,
faith,
granite heaps of capitals
and the sun itself, a motionless redhead, -
everything seemed to become a little fluid,
creeping a little,
a little liquefied.
Then how it will spill!
The streets are pouring
the melted house falls on the house.
The whole world,
melted in the blast furnaces of revolutions,
pours like a continuous waterfall.
Chinese voice
Gentlemen! Attention!
It's drizzling here!
Australian's wife
Nice drizzle!
I was as exhausted as pigs.
Persian
Maybe the end of the world is near
and we
We rally, yell and laugh.
Diplomat (presses towards the pole)
Merchant (pressing the knee of the one squeezing the hole with the patience of an Eskimo typical of this people)
Hey, you!
Off to the walruses!
The Eskimo hunter flies away, and a stream flows from the open hole into those present. The pure ones fanned out, screaming inarticulately.
A minute later everyone rushes towards the stream.
Score!
Shut up!
Clamp!
They have flown away. Only the Australian remained near the globe with his finger in the hole. In the general commotion, the priest perched himself on a couple of logs.
Brothers!
We are losing the last inch!
The last inch is flooded with water!
Who is this?
Who is this wardrobe with a beard?
This is for forty nights and forty days!
Merchant
Right!
The Lord advised him wisely.
Intelligentsia
There was a similar precedent in history -
remember the famous adventure of Noevo.
Merchant (settling in place of the priest)
Get to the point!
Merchant
Let's build a smokehouse, brothers.
Australian's wife
Right! The ark!
Intelligentsia
Here's the hunt!
We'll build a steamboat.
Rajah
Two ships!
Merchant
Right!
I will invest all the capital!
They were saved, but we are smarter than them, in no way.
General hum
Long live,
long live technology!
Merchant
Raise your hands -
who agrees.
General hum
And no hands are needed
visible behind the eyes.
Both the clean and the unclean raise their hands.
Frenchman (taking the place of the merchant, he angrily examines the blacksmith who raised his hand)
Are you going there too?
And don’t worry!
Gentlemen,
let's not take the unclean ones!
They will know how to scold us!
Do you know how to saw and plan?
Frenchman (drooping)
I changed my mind.
Let's take the unclean ones.
Merchant
We will only select non-drinkers and broad-shouldered ones.
German (stepping into the Frenchman's place)
Shhh, gentlemen,
maybe you won't have to put up with it yet
unclean.
Fortunately,
we don't know what's happening to a fifth of the world.
You're making noise and didn't even bother to find out
Are there any Americans among us?
Merchant (joyfully)
What a head!
Not a person, but a German chancellor!
Joy cuts through the cry of the Australian woman.
What is this?
An American on a motorcycle rushes straight from the hall towards those watching intently.
American
(Hands out paper.)
Here
from drowned America
for two hundred billion checks.
Silent despondency. And suddenly the cry of an Australian holding water.
Australian
Why are you staring? He'll stare!
By God, I'll take it out!
Fingers are numb.
The clean ones began to fuss, rubbing against the unclean ones.
Frenchman (blacksmith)
Well, comrades,
let's build it, huh?
Kind blacksmith
What do I need,
for me at least...
(Waves his hand to the unclean.)
Let's go, comrades!
Go, go, go.
The unclean ones rise. Saws. Planers. Hammers.
Compromiser
Hurry up, comrades,
hurry up, dears!..
Get to work!
Axes and saws in your hands!
Intellectual (moves aside)
Work -
I won’t even think about it.
I'll sit here
and I'll do some sabotage.
(Yells at workers.)
Turn around quickly!
Ruby, don't miss!
A carpenter
Why are you sitting with your hands folded?
Intellectual
I am special, I am irreplaceable...
ACT TWO
Ark deck. In all directions there is a panorama of lands collapsing into waves. A ladder-mast tangled with ropes rests against the low clouds. To the side is the wheelhouse and the entrance to the hold. The clean and the unclean lined up along the nearby side.
Farmhand
Nah!
I wouldn't want to go overboard today.
Seamstress
Look there:
not a wave, but a fence!
Merchant
I shouldn't have confused this with you.
It's always like this
no point.
Sailors too!
Found a sea wolf.
Lamplighter
Look, I brought it up!
It hums and groans.
Seamstress
What a fence!
Covered with a wall!
Frenchman
Yes, sir.
Very stupid, sir!
I tell you with regret and pain, sir.
We would sit.
The earth is still standing.
No matter what it is, it is still a pole.
Farmhand
That the wolves are yours
they caress in waves.
Both Eskimos, the driver and the Australians at once.
Look,
What is this?
What about Alaska?
Negus
Well, she darted!
Like a stone with a sling.
German
Eskimo
Fisherman
No!
All
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
Frenchman (burst into tears, overwhelmed by memories)
My God!..
My God!..
It happened
the whole family
let's gather at the tea table -
buns,
caviar...
Baker (measuring the tip of the nail)
Wonderful, by God!
Well, it's not a pity
not so much.
Shoemaker
I've got some vodka.
Do you have a glass?
Servant
Miner
Guys,
let's go to the hold!
Eskimo hunter
How's the walrus?
Aren't you very lean?
Servant
Nothing is fried,
nicely fried.
Clean ones. The unclean descend into the hold, singing along.
What do we have to lose? Should we be afraid of the flood?
The legs got tired - they stomped around the world!
Oh, and relaxation on ships.
Eh!
It’s not a sin to eat a walrus and sip some vodka...
Eh, no sin!
The pure ones surrounded the whimpering Frenchman.
Persian
It's a shame, really!
Stop yelling!
Merchant
We'll get by somehow
Let's crawl to Ararat.
Negus
You'll die of hunger while the mountain is still there.
American
Lots of money
and without food you can barely breathe.
I give half a million for a pound of bread
Nikolaevka
and two pounds of diamonds.
Merchant
Speculated.
I was in Cheka three times.
What the hell do I need this money for now?!
Chinese
Spit and rub.
Pasha
What diamonds!
Now, if a person has liver stones,
now and then you feel more secure -
as if the belly was full.
Australian
No grub
one trough.
Compromiser
And here Sukharevka is also closed.
Merchant (to the butt)
Nothing, humble monk,
Now there is a Smolensky market on every square.
Lady
And butter, and milk, and cream on the market, -
substitute an empty pocket instead of a lid.
Merchant
You're the one who's going to get enough without milk, you fool,
and the worker has a bonus,
the worker has a nature -
will receive
and exchange.
Lady
And I will exchange hats for eggs.
Intellectual
Exchange your last hat
and then sit
suck your paw.
Pop (listening to the noise in the hold)
Intellectual
What do they care?
They caught fish and ate them.
Let's take a net or a spear and let's catch it too.
German
Os-t-r-o-g-u?
How to handle it?
I only know how to pick at a person with a sword.
Merchant
I cast my net
I thought I’d take out a fish,
tired,
and nothing -
one grass.
Pasha (contritely)
How far have you grown:
the first guild - and eat algae.
Lloyd George (to Clemenceau)
Eureka!
Let's stop quarreling.
What kind of quarrel can there be with an Englishman?
French?
The main thing is that I have a belly, you have a belly.
Compromiser
And I have... a belly.
Clemenceau
How sad it is:
with such a wonderful gentleman -
I didn't even get into trouble with him a little.
Lloyd George
Now we have no time for fights:
You and I have a common enemy.
This is what I want to tell you...
He takes Clemenceau by the arm and leads him away. After whispering, they return.
Clemenceau
We are all so pure.
Should we shed sweat at work?
Let's force the unclean ones to attack us
worked.
Intellectual
I would force them!
Where should I go?
stunted!
And any of them is oblique in the shoulders.
Lloyd George
God forbid we fight!
Don't fight
and while they're devouring the menu,
while they are sitting,
drink and shout,
let's take it and give them a pig...
Clemenceau
Let's choose a king for them!
Compromiser
Why a king?
Better than a policeman.
Clemenceau
And then that the king will issue a manifesto -
All the food, they say, must be given to me.
The king eats
and we eat -
his loyal subjects.
All
Great!
Pasha
German (joyfully)
I told you -
Bismaroch's head!
Australians
Let's choose quickly!
But who?
Who?
Englishman and Frenchman
Right!
The reins are in his hands.
Merchant
What reins?
German
Well, what's their name...
the reins of power, or something...
Why are you quibbling?
There is only one meaning.
(Negusu.)
Climb up, sir!
Real, real!
Lady
Oh!
I will be a lady of the court!
Lloyd George
Hurry, hurry
write the manifesto:
by God's grace...
Pasha and the Australian
And here we are,
so that they don't have time to get out.
Pasha and others are writing a manifesto. A German and a diplomat unwind a rope before exiting the hold. The unclean ones stagger out. When the latter crawled onto the deck, the diplomat and the German switch places - and the unclean ones are entangled.
German (shoemaker)
Hey,
You!
Take the oath!
Shoemaker (poor understanding of events)
Can I lie down instead?
Diplomat
I'll lie down for you -
You won’t get up for a hundred years!
Mister Lieutenant,
point your gun!
Frenchman
Yeah!
Sobered up!
It's easier this way.
Some are unclean (sad)
Gotcha, brothers!
like chickens in cabbage soup.
Australian
Hats off!
Who has a hat there?
Chinese and Raja (pushing the priest standing under the wheelhouse headed by the negus)
Read it,
read, they stand there not breathing for now.
Pop (on paper)
By God's grace
We,
king of fried chickens
and the Grand Duke on the same eggs,
without ripping off seven skins from anyone, -
we tear off six, the seventh is left, -
We declare to our loyal subjects:
drag everything -
fish, crackers, guinea pigs
and what other edible things can be found.
Governing Senate
won't slow down
sort through the piles of goodness,
take it away and treat us.
An improvised senate of pasha and rajah.
We obey, Your Majesty!
Pasha (disposes of)
(To the Australian.)
You - to the cabins!
(Australian.)
You are in the storerooms!
(General.)
So that the unclean does not eat anything expensive.
(To the merchant, reeling off the baker for him.)
You and him go down into the hold.
I'll go through everything with the Raja on deck.
Drag it here
and come back again.
The joyful hum of the pure.
Let's pile up a whole mountain of edibles!
Pop (rubbing my hands)
And then we will brotherly share the spoils
according to Christian custom.
Escorted by the clean, the unclean descend into the hold. A minute later they return and dump all kinds of food in front of the negus.
Merchant (joyfully)
Everything was searched
there is nothing more exactly.
What a product!
Admiration!
One word -
normalized
Well, guys, sharpen your teeth!
American
What about the unclean?
German
We need to lock them downstairs.
Well, okay,
Your Majesty, wait.
One minute!
They drive the unclean into the hold, and while they are busy with them, the negus eats everything brought. The clean ones return.
Mayakovsky Vladimir
Mystery Buff
Vladimir Mayakovsky
"Mystery Buff"
MYSTERY-BUFF
Heroic, epic and satirical
image of our era
SECOND V A R I A N T
"Mystery-bouffe" is the road. Road of revolution. No one can predict with accuracy what other mountains we will have to blow up as we walk this road. Today the word “Lloyd George” pierces the ear, and tomorrow the English themselves will forget his name. Today the will of millions is rushing towards the commune, and in fifty years, perhaps, the attack will be further
On which planets will the air dreadnoughts of the commune rush. Therefore, leaving the road (shape), I again changed parts of the landscape
new, today, momentary.
D E Y S T V U Y T:
1. S e m p a r ch i s t s: 1) Negus Abyssinian, 2) Raja
Indian, 3) Turkish Pasha, 4) Russian speculator, 5)
Chinese, 6) Well-fed Persian, 7) Clemenceau, 8) German, 9) Pop,
10) Australian, 11) Australian's wife, 12) Lloyd George,
13) American and 14) Diplomat. 2. Seven couples: 1) Red Army soldier, 2) Lantern
box, 3) Driver, 4) Miner, 5) Carpenter, 6) Peon, 7) Servant,
8) Blacksmith, 9) Baker, 10) Laundress, 11) Seamstress, 12) Machinist,
13) Eskimo fisherman and 14) Eskimo hunter. 3. Concordant. 4. I ntelligence. 5. L a m a s c a t o n k a m i. 6. Traits: 1) Beelzebub, 2) Chief Devil, 3) Westman, 4) 2nd
messenger, 5) guard, 6) 20 clean ones with horns and tails. 7. Saints: 1) Methuselah, 2) Jean-Jacques Rousseau, 3) Leo Tolstoy,
4) Gabriel, 5) Angel, 6) 2nd angel and 7) angels. 8. S a v a o f. 9. VALID LAND PROMISED:
1) Hammer, 2) Sickle, 3) Cars, 4) Trains, 5) Cars, 6)
Planer 7) Pliers, 8) Needle, 9) Saw, 10) Bread, 11) Salt, 12)
Sugar, 13) Matter, 14) Boot, 15) Board with lever. 10. H u m o f the future.
M E S T A D E Y S T V I Y
1. The whole universe. 2. Ark. 3. Hell. 4. Paradise. 5. Land of Wrecks.
6. Promised Land.
Wrong
In a minute we will show you... Mystery-bouffe. I must say two words: this is a new thing. To jump over your head, you need someone to help. A prologue is needed before a new play. Firstly, why was the entire theater destroyed? Well-meaning people will be very outraged by this. Why do you go to performances? In order to have fun, right? Is it a great pleasure to watch if the pleasure is only on stage? the stage is only one third. This means that in an interesting performance, if you build everything up, then your pleasure will triple, and if the performance is uninteresting, then you shouldn’t watch even one third. For other theaters, presenting is not important: for them the stage is the keyhole. Sit quietly, straight or at an angle, and watch a piece of someone else’s life. You look and see Aunt Manya and Uncle Vanya lying on the sofa. But we are not interested in either uncles or aunts; you will find aunts and uncles at home. We will also show real life, but it has been transformed into an extraordinary spectacle by the theater. The essence of the first action is this: the earth is leaking. Then - stomping. Everyone is running from the revolutionary flood. Seven pairs of unclean and seven clean pairs, that is, fourteen poor proletarians and fourteen bourgeois-bar, and between them, with a pair of tear-stained cheeks, Mensheviks. The pole is overwhelmed. The last refuge is collapsing. And everyone begins to build not even an ark, but a reliquary. In the second act, the audience travels in the ark: here you have autocracy, and a democratic republic, and finally overboard, amid the Menshevik howl, the pure ones were thrown upside down. In the third act it is shown that the workers do not need to be afraid of anything, not even the devils in the middle of hell. In the fourth, laugh harder! paradise appears. In the fifth act, devastation, with its immense mouth open, crushes and devours. Although we worked on a hungry belly, we defeated devastation. In the sixth act, the commune, the whole hall, sing at the top of your lungs! Look with all your eyes!
All is ready? And hell? And heaven?
From behind the stage.
Ready! Let's!
ACT ONE
At the glow of the northern lights, the globe rests with its pole on the ice of the floor. The ropes of latitudes and longitudes intersect in ladders all over the ball. Between two walruses propping up the world, e s k them o s-o h o t n i k, with his finger buried in the ground, yells to the other
god, stretched out in front of him by the fire.
About the hunter
Loudmouth. There is no other way to poke your finger at the ground.
About the hunter
Where is the hole?
About the hunter
What's flowing?
About the hunter
Fisherman (jumping up, running up and looking under
pinching finger)
Oooh! The work of unclean hands. Crap! I'll go warn the Arctic Circle.
Running. A German, wrung out his sleeves, rushes at him from behind the slope of the world. He looks for a button for a second and, not finding it,
grabs the wool of the fur coat.
Ger Eskimo! Ger Eskimo! It's terribly rushed! A couple of minutes...
So, today I’m sitting in my restaurant on Friedrichstrasse. The sun beckons through the window. The day, like the bourgeoisie before the revolution, is clear. The audience sits and quietly chants. Having eaten the soup, I look at the bottled Eiffels. I think: what kind of beef should I take on? And should I start making beef? I looked and had lunch stuck in my throat: something was wrong with the Alley of Victories. The stone Hohenzollerns, standing between the daisies, suddenly flew upside down. Hum. I run to the roof. Winding around the skeleton of the tavern, the waterless surf, rushing against the bustle, overwhelmed the neighborhoods. Berlin - a restless sea of delirium, invisible waves of bass notes. And behind, and above, and under, and in front of the houses, dreadnoughts! And before I could even think about whether it was from Foch or...
I was completely sweaty. I look at everything dry, but it pours, and pours, and pours. And suddenly, the collapse of Pompeii was more pompous, the picture was torn open by the roots. Berlin was torn out and drowned in the abyss, from the world in a molten furnace. I woke up on the crest of flowing villages. I have collected all my yacht club experience, and here in front of you, my dear, is all that is now left of Europe.
B-b-a little...
It will calm down, of course... In about two days.
Yes, speak without these European jokes! What do you want? There's no time for you here.
German (showing horizontally)
Allow me to come near your dear seals.
The fisherman annoyedly waves his hand at the fire, goes in the other direction to warn the Circle - and stumbles upon those running out from behind the other
of the wet slope of Australia.
Fisherman (retreating in surprise)
Weren’t there even more disgusting faces?!
AUSTRALIAN WOMEN (together)
We are Australians.
A u s t r a l i e c
I'm Australian. We had everything. Something like: platypus, palm tree, porcupine, cactus...
A wstraliyka (crying with a surge of feeling)
And now we are gone, everything is gone: the cacti, the platypuses, the palm trees, everything has sunk... everything is at the bottom...
Rybak (pointing to the reclining German)
Here, go to them. And then they are alone.
Getting ready to go again, the Eskimo stopped, listening to
First voice
Cauldron, ooh!
Second
Cylinder, ooh!
First
It's getting stronger! Stay north latitude!
Second
It's raging! Grab the southern longitude!
Along the ropes of latitudes and longitudes, English and French people roll down from the globe. Everyone hoists the national flag.
A n g l i c h a n i n
The banner has been hoisted. I am the owner full of snow.
F r a n c u s
No, sorry! I installed it earlier. This is my colony.
A n g l i c h a n i n (laying out some goods)
No - mine, I'm already trading.
FRENCH (beginning to get angry)
No - mine, and you look for another one.
A n g l i c h a n i n
(furious)
Ah, yes! May you die!
F r a n c u s
(furious)
Ah well! I'll put a bump on your nose!
A n g l i c h a n i n (climbs his fists at the Frenchman)
England, hip-hip!
FRENCH (climbs the Englishman with his fists)
Vive la France!*
A u s t r a l i e c
(rushes to separate)
Well, people! Not the people, but a pure rabble: there are no longer empires, no imperials, and they are still beating each other in the face.
Eh, you imperialists!
Come on, right!
What a crowd!
Right on the head of the Eskimo who was about to go again
Our kupchina is overthrown.
Venerables, this is a disgrace! Yes, I'm Asia? “Destroy Asia” is a decree from the heavens. Yes, I’ve never been Asian! (Having calmed down a little.) Yesterday in Tula I was sitting calmly in a chair. How the doors will burst! Well, I think from Cheka! As you can imagine, my cheek turned pale. But God is very merciful in the world: it turns out that it is not Cheka who is the wind. It dripped a little, then it went further, more, more, higher, poured into the streets, tore off roofs...
Quiet! Quiet!
F r a n c u s
Do you hear? Do you hear the stomping?
Flood! flood! flood! about the flood! flood!
A n g l i c h a n i n
Oh my God! Misfortune is like something out of a drainpipe, and then there’s this eastern question.
A heroic, epic and satirical depiction of our era
VALID:
1. Seven pairs of pure
Abyssinian Negus, Indian Raja, Turkish Pasha, Russian merchant, Chinese, plump Persian, fat Frenchman, Australian with his wife, priest, German officer, Italian officer, American, student.
2. Seven pairs of unclean ones
Chimney sweep, lamplighter, driver, seamstress, miner, carpenter, farmhand, servant, shoemaker, blacksmith, baker, laundress and Eskimos: fisherman and hunter.
3. The lady is hysterical.
4. Devils. Beelzebub Headquarters
and two messengers.
5. Saints. Zlatoust
Leo Tolstoy, Methuselah
Jean Jacques Rousseau and others
6. Things. Machine, bread, salt, saw, needle, hammer, book, etc.
7. The person is simple.
LOCATIONS
I. The whole universe.
II. The ark.
III. 1st scene: Hell.
2nd picture: Paradise.
3rd scene: The Promised Land.
Seven unclean couples
It was the earth that cried out for us with the voice of a cannon roar.
It was us who swollen the fields and watered them with blood.
We stand
torn from the earth's womb
caesarean section of the war.
We praise
uprisings,
riots,
revolution day -
you,
coming, brain skulls!
Our second birthday is
the world has matured.
Happens -
there will be a steamer in the distance,
will puff up
and will go along the mirror of the waters,
and for a long time you breathe smoky legends, -
This is how life has eluded us until today.
The Gospel was written to us,
Koran,
"Paradise Lost and Returned"
and further,
and further -
many many books.
Each one promises joy beyond the grave, is smart and cunning.
Here,
on earth we want
no higher to live
and not lower
all these trees, houses, roads, horses and grass.
We are tired of heavenly sweets -
let me eat some rye bread!
We're tired of paper passions -
let me live with a living wife!
There,
in theater wardrobes
the sparkles of opera etoils
Yes, the Mephistophelian cloak -
everything that is there!
The old tailor did not try for our waists.
Well,
clumsy let it be
clothes -
yes ours.
We have a place!
Today
above the dust of theaters
our motto will light up:
"All over again!"
Stop and marvel!
A curtain!
They disperse. They tear apart the curtain, painted with relics of the old theater.
Act one
At the glow of the northern lights, the globe rests with its pole on the ice of the floor. The ropes of latitudes and longitudes intersect in ladders all over the ball. Between two walruses propping up the world, an Eskimo hunter, with his finger buried in the ground, yells to another, stretched out in front of him by the fire.
Eskimo hunter
Hey!
Hey!
Loudmouth.
There is no other matter -
poke the ground with your finger.
Where is the hole?
What's flowing?
(jumping up, running up and looking under the pinching finger)
Oooh!
The work of unclean hands.
Crap!
I'll go warn the Arctic Circle.
Running. A Frenchman, wrung out his sleeves, rushes at him from behind the slope of the world. He looks for a button for a second and, not finding it, grabs the wool of his fur coat.
First appearance
Monsieur Eskimo!
Monsieur Eskimo!
It's terribly rushed!
A couple of minutes...
So here it is:
Today
at home in Paris
I'm sitting here
ev fillet,
I don’t remember if I ate something else,
and I see -
something is wrong with the big guy Eiffel.
I think - not Boches
Suddenly there's a rumble.
I run to the roof.
Winding around the house frame,
waterless surf
no fuss intermittently
ran
the neighborhoods were overwhelmed.
Paris is a troubled sea of delirium.
Invisible waves bass notes.
And for,
and above,
and under,
and before
dreadnought houses.
And before I could spread my thoughts,
whether from the Germans, or from...
I'm all
soaked to the bone.
I'm watching -
everything is dry
but it pours, and pours, and pours.
And suddenly,
the collapse of Pompeii is more pompous, the picture opens up -
with roots
Paris was torn out
and drowned in the abyss
at the world in a molten furnace.
I woke up on the ridge of flowing villages,
I collected all my yacht club experience, -
and so
in front of you,
dearest,
All,
what is left now of Europe.
B-a little.
It will calm down, of course...
about two days!
Yes, speak without these European jokes!
What do you want? There's no time for you here.
(showing horizontally)
Allow me... near your dear seals!
The fisherman annoyedly waves his hand at the fire, goes in the other direction - to warn the circle - and stumbles upon the wet Australians running out from behind another slope.
Second phenomenon
(stepping back in surprise)
Weren’t there even more disgusting faces?!
Australian man with his wife
We are Australians.
Australian
I'm Australian.
We had everything.
Something like this:
platypus, palm tree, porcupine, cactus...
Australian
(crying, in a rush of feeling)
And everything drowned...
Everything is at the bottom...
(pointing to the reclining Frenchman)
Here, go to them!
And then they are alone.
The Eskimo, who was about to go again, stopped, listening to two voices from two sides of the globe.
It's getting stronger!
Stay north latitude!
It's raging!
Grab the southern longitude!
The third phenomenon
German and Italian officers roll down from the globe along the ropes of latitudes and longitudes and rush towards each other in a friendly manner. Both together.
Give me a shake!
Having recognized the enemies, they withdraw their outstretched hands and, snatching sabers as they go, rush.
Italian
If I only knew!
Damn Swabian
Damn Italian!
If I knew, I would!..
Italian
Eviva Italy!
Goh Fatherland!
The Frenchman throws himself between the clinging men, the Australian embraces the Italian, the Australian - the German.
Come on!
Drown!
There are no fatherlands.
(putting in sabers)
Well,
no, that's not necessary.
(shaking head)
Here's the gang!
Our merchant falls directly on the head of the Eskimo, who is about to leave again.
The fourth phenomenon
Honorables,
this mess!
Yes, I'm Asia?
“Destroy Asia” is a decree from the heavens.
But I’ve never been Asian!
(Having calmed down a little.)
At first it dripped,
then it went.
Further more,
more - higher,
poured into the streets
the roofs blew...
Quiet!
Quiet!
Do you hear?
Do you hear the stomping?
Flood! flood! flood! about the flood! flood!
Fifth appearance
Ahead is a Negus, followed by a Chinese, a Persian, a Turk, a Raja, a priest, a student, and a hysterical lady. The procession is closed by all seven pairs of unclean ones pouring in from all sides.
At least a little blacker than snow, sir,
but nonetheless
I am an Abyssinian Negus.
My regards!
I have now left my Africa.
The Nile, the river boa constrictor, wriggled in it.
How the Nile became enraged, squeezing the kingdom into a river,
and my Africa was drowned in it.
Although there is no estate,
but nonetheless…
(annoyed)
…but nonetheless
my regards.
We heard! We heard!
Please don't forget!
The Negus is speaking to you,
and the negus wants to eat.
What is this?
Must be a tasty dog?
I'll give you - doggy!
This is a walrus, not a dog.
Go sit down and don’t dirty anyone.
(Addressing the others.)
What do you want?
Nothing!
Nothing!
Drown my China.
Persia,
my Persia has gone to the bottom.
Even India
Celestial India, and that...
And only one memory remains from Turkey!
Quiet!
Quiet!
What is this noise!
Lady hysterical
(wringing hands, separates from the crowd)
Listen,
I can't!
I can’t live among animal snouts!
Let me go
to love,
to the game.
Who are these railings?
These shadows of the railings
standing on the banks of bloody rivers?
Listen,
I can't!
I’ve even forgotten how to love.
Let go!
No need!
I'm passing by!
I want children,
I want husbands
I can’t live unloved.
Listen, I can't!
(calming)
Don't rub your eyes...
don't bite your lips...
(Advancing towards the fire unclean, arrogantly.)
Which nations are you?
Unclean
To chase everything around the world
Our wandering people are used to it.
We are not nations.
Our work is our homeland.
These are the proletarians!
Proletarians...
Proletarians...
(to the Frenchman, patting him on his sizable belly)
The sound of the flood is probably in your ears?
(to him, mockingly and shrilly)
Would you lie down and sleep on the bed now?
I wish I could let you into the trenches and the mines!
Passing miner
(smugly)
Yes -
we are nothing -
We've seen some wet ones.
The unclean pass by, separating the disgustingly huddled crowd of the clean, and sit down by the fire. A crowd of pure ones closes in a circle behind them. Pasha climbs out into the middle.
Believers!
We need to discuss what happened?
Let's delve into the essence of the phenomenon.
It's simple -
doomsday
And in my opinion - a flood.
And it’s not a flood at all,
otherwise
it was raining.
Yes,
there was no rain.
Italian
So this idea is also wild...
But anyway -
What happened, true believers?
Let's, true believers, look at the root.
The people, in my opinion, have become rebellious.
I think it's war, I.
No!
In my opinion, the reason is different.
In my opinion, metaphysical...
(dissatisfied)
War is metaphysical!
We started with Adam.
Take turns!
Take turns!
Don't create sodomy!
Shh!
Let's talk gradually.
Your word, student.
(Justifies himself in front of the crowd.)
And he even has foam on his lips.
At first
everything was simple:
day gave way to night,
but only
The dawn became too angry.
After -
laws,
concepts,
faith,
granite heaps of capitals
and the sun itself, a motionless redhead -
everything seemed to become a little fluid,
creeping a little,
a little liquefied.
Then how it will spill!
The streets are pouring
the melted house falls on the house.
The whole world,
melted in the blast furnaces of revolutions,
flows like a continuous waterfall...
Gentlemen, attention!
It's drizzling here.
Australian's wife
Nice drizzle!
I was as exhausted as pigs.
Maybe the end of the world is near
and we
We rally, yell and laugh.
Italian
(presses towards the pole)
Get here!
Closer!
It won't bury here.
(pressing the knee of the one squeezing the hole with the patience of an Eskimo typical of this people)
Hey, you!
Off to the walruses!
The Eskimo hunter flies away, and a stream flows from the open hole into those present. The pure ones fanned out, screaming inarticulately.
E-and-and-and-and!
Ooooh!
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
A minute later everyone rushes towards the stream.
Score!
Shut up!
Clamp!
They have flown away. Only the Australian remained near the globe with his finger in the hole. In the general commotion, the priest perched himself on a couple of logs.
Brothers!
We are losing the last inch.
The last inch is filled with water.
Who is this?
Who is this wardrobe with a beard?
This is for forty nights and forty days...
Right!
The Lord advised him wisely!
There was a similar precedent in history.
Remember the famous adventure of Noevo.
(putting himself in place of the priest)
Nonsense -
and history, and precedent, and more...
Get to the point!
Let's build a smokehouse, brothers!
Australian's wife
Right! The ark!
Here's the hunt!
Let's build a steamboat!
Two ships.
Right!
I will invest all the capital!
They were saved, but we are smarter than them, in no way.
General hum
Long live,
long live technology!
Raise your hands -
who agrees.
General hum
And no hands needed.
You can see it behind your eyes.
Both the clean and the unclean raise their hands.
(who took the place of the merchant, angrily examines the blacksmith who raised his hand)
Are you going there too?
And don’t worry!
Gentlemen,
let's not take the unclean ones!
They will know how to scold us.
Do you know how to saw and plan?
(dropping)
I changed my mind.
Let's take the unclean ones.
We will only select non-drinkers and broad-shouldered ones.
(climbing into the Frenchman's place)
Shh! Gentlemen,
Maybe we won’t have to put up with the unclean yet.
Fortunately,
we don't know what's happening to a fifth of the world.
You're making noise and didn't even bother to find out
Are there any Americans among us?
(joyfully)
What a head!
Not a person, but a German chancellor
Joy cuts through the cry of the Australian woman.
An American rushes straight from the hall to those watching intently.
American
Dear sirs,
where is the ark being built here?
Here
(holds out paper)
from drowned America
for two hundred billion checks.
Silent despondency. And suddenly the cry of an Australian holding water.
Australian
Why are you staring? He'll stare!
By God, I'll take it out!
Fingers are numb...
The clean ones began to fuss. They ingratiatingly rub against the unclean.
(to the blacksmith)
Well, comrades,
let's build
A?
Kind blacksmith
What about me!
For me at least...
(Waves his hand to the unclean.)
Let's go, comrades!
Let's go, let's go!
The unclean ones rise. Saws, planes, hammers.
Act two
Ark deck. In all directions there is a panorama of lands collapsing into waves. A mast tangled with ropes of ladders rests against the low clouds. To the side is the wheelhouse and the entrance to the hold. The clean and the unclean lined up along the nearby side.
Nah!
I wouldn't want to go overboard today.
Look there:
not a wave, but a fence!
I shouldn't have confused this with you.
It's always like this
no point.
Sailors too!
Found a sea wolf.
Lamplighter
Look, I brought it up!
It hums and groans.
What a fence!
Covered with a wall.
Yes, sir.
Very stupid, sir!
I tell you with regret and pain, sir.
We would sit.
The earth is still standing.
No matter what it is, it is still a pole.
That the wolves are yours
they caress in waves.
Both Eskimos, the driver and the Australians - at once.
Look,
What is this?
What about Alaska?
Well, she darted!
Like a stone with a sling.
Whoa!
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
(burst into tears, overwhelmed by memories)
My God!..
My God!..
It happened
the whole family
let's gather at the tea table -
buns,
caviar.
Baker
(measuring the tip of the nail)
Wonderful, by God!
Well, it's not a pity
not so much.
Shoemaker
I've got some vodka.
Do you have a glass?
There will be.
Guys,
let's go to the hold!
How's the walrus?
Aren't you very lean?
Nothing is fried,
nicely fried.
Clean ones. The unclean descend into the hold, singing along.
What do we have to lose? Should we be afraid of the flood?
The legs got tired - they stomped around the world.
Oh, and relaxation on ships!
Eh!
It’s not a sin to eat a walrus and drink some vodka.
Eh, no sin!
The pure ones surrounded the whimpering Frenchman.
It's a shame, really!
Stop yelling!
We'll get by somehow
let's crawl to Ararat
You'll die of hunger while the mountain is still there.
(Listens to the noise in the hold.)
Look, they're laughing!
Why don't they!
They caught fish and ate them.
Let's take a net or a spear and let's catch it too.
O-s-t-r-o-g-u?
How to handle it?
I only know how to pick at a person with a sword.
I cast my net
I thought I’d take out a fish,
tired,
and nothing -
one grass.
(confused)
How far have you grown:
first guild
And they eat algae.
Italian
(raises finger meaningfully)
Listen!
Why are we doing this then?
Why did it bother us so much?
We now have a common enemy.
(Points to the hold. He takes his arm and moves it away, speaking as he goes.)
This is what I have to do with you...
After whispering, they return.
(speaking)
Gentlemen!
We are all so pure.
Should we shed sweat at work?
Let's force the unclean ones to work for us.
I would force them!
Where should I go?
stunted!
And any of them is oblique in the shoulders.
Italian
God forbid we fight!
Don't fight
and while they're devouring the menu,
while they are sitting,
drink and shout,
let's take it and give them a pig...
Let's choose a king for them!
(surprised)
Why a king?
And then that the king will issue a manifesto -
All the food, they say, must be given to me.
The king eats
and we eat -
his loyal subjects.
(joyfully)
I told you -
Bismaroch's head!
Australians
Let's choose quickly!
But who?
Who?
Italian and French
Right!
The reins are in his hands.
What reins?
Well, what's their name...
The reins of power, or something...
Why are you quibbling?
There is only one meaning.
Climb up, sir.
(To the Frenchman, the Pasha and the student.)
You write a manifesto:
by God's grace...
and here we are,
so that they don’t have time to get out.
Pasha and others are writing a manifesto. A German and an Italian are unwinding a rope before exiting the hold. The unclean ones stagger out. When the last one crawled onto the deck, the Italian and the German changed places - and the unclean ones were entangled.
First appearance
(to the shoemaker)
Hey,
You!
Take the oath!
Shoemaker
(poor understanding of events)
Can I lie down instead?
Italian
I'll lie down for you -
You won’t get up for a hundred years!
Mister Lieutenant,
point your gun!
Yeah!
Sobered up!
It's easier this way.
Some are unclean
(sad)
Gotcha, brothers.
Like chickens with cabbage soup.
Australian
Hats off!
Who has a hat there?
Chinese and Raja
(they push the priest standing under the wheelhouse headed by the negus)
Read it,
read, they stand there not breathing for now!
(on paper)
By God's grace
We,
king of fried chickens
and the Grand Duke on the same eggs,
without ripping off seven skins from anyone, -
we tear off six, the seventh is left, -
We declare to our loyal subjects:
drag everything -
fish, bread, vegetables, pork
and what other edible things can be found.
Governing Senate
won't slow down
sort through the piles of goodness,
take it away and treat us.
An improvised senate of pasha and rajah.
We obey, Your Majesty!
(instructs) (to the Australian.)
You - to the cabins!
(To the Australian.)
You are in the storerooms!
So that the unclean does not eat anything expensive.
(To the merchant, unwinding the baker for him.)
You and him go down into the hold.
I'll go through everything with the Raja on deck.
Bring it here and come back again.
The joyful hum of the pure
Let's pile up a whole mountain of edibles!
(rubbing hands)
And then we will brotherly share the spoils
according to Christian custom.
Second phenomenon
Escorted by officers, the unclean ones dejectedly descend into the hold, followed by the clean ones, except for the Senate, who is ransacking the deck. The Australian is the first to return. There is a walrus on a huge platter. Places it in front of the negus and back into the hold.
The third phenomenon
Chinese man with Australian woman
(escorting the baker)
This one hits his forehead like a cake.
The fourth phenomenon
(with carpenter)
He has herring.
Half eaten.
Fifth appearance
(with driver)
This one is caught in possession of sausage.
Appearance Six
(with seamstress and laundress)
Sugar.
Almost took it out of their mouth.
Appearances seventh, eighth and ninth
The Frenchman returns, like everyone else. The Persian busily brings the bottle - and back. The Senate brought a bunch of bagels and ducked into the hold. For a minute there is only one Negus on stage, intently devouring what was brought. Then, tired, the clean ones climb out and, having blocked the hatch, head to the throne, showing off.
I found roast beef -
and a whole piece!
Interesting to know
what does it taste like?
Australian
The walrus got caught -
blush, juicy.
Are you hungry?
They climb up to the negus. There is an empty dish in front of the negus. In one menacing voice.
What's here?
Mamaev's army was walking?!
(in a frenzy)
Alone, after all,
one -
and to eat so much!
I would take it and smack it in the well-fed face.
Be silent!
I am God's anointed.
Anointed One!
Anointed One!
I wish I could lie down like we do...
Italian
On empty stomach.
Ugh!
This was not the day I was thinking about.
Let's lie down.
The morning is wiser than the evening.
Laying down. Night. The moon passes quickly across the sky. The moon is bowing. Dawn. In the blue morning the figure of an Italian rises, on the other side a German rises.
Italian
Are you sleeping now?
The German shakes his head negatively.
Italian
Did you wake up to this crowd?
You'll fall asleep here!
There's such a conversation in my stomach.
Well, talk, talk some more!
(interfering)
I keep dreaming about cutlets.
What else could you dream about!
Damn you! It's so shiny.
Australian
Cold.
And the night is wet.
(after a short pause)
Gentlemen,
you know what?..
I feel like I'm becoming a democrat.
Here's the news!
I have always loved people without memory.
And who suggested that His Majesty follow at his feet?
Italian
Throw your poison arrows.
Autocracy as a form of government
definitely outdated.
It becomes obsolete if not a drop of dew gets into your mouth.
Seriously! Seriously!
A revolution is brewing.
Enough strife
Let's put an end to the fighting!
Hooray!
Hurray for the Constituent Assembly!
(The hatch falls off.)
Hooray! Hooray!
(Each other.)
Play up!
Click!
The tenth phenomenon
The awakened unclean ones climb out of the hatch.
Shoemaker
What is this? Did you get too drunk?
Citizens, please come to the rally!
(To the baker.)
Citizen, are you for a republic?
Unclean
Rally? Republic? Which one?
Stop!
Now the intelligentsia will explain.
(To the student.)
Hey, you intelligentsia!
The “intelligentsia” and the Frenchman get into the wheelhouse.
I declare the meeting open.
(To the student.)
Your word.
Citizens!
This queen has an impossible mouth!
Right!
That's right, citizen speaker!
The damned one will devour everything as it is!
Right!
And no one will ever crawl to Ararat.
Right!
Right!
Enough!
Break the rusty chains!
General hum
Down with,
Down with autocracy!
Drank some blood
spoiled the people...
Alon Zanfan
With their joint efforts they rock the negus and throw him overboard. Then the clean take the hands of the unclean and disperse, singing.
Italian
(to the miner)
Comrades!
You won't even believe it.
I'm so incredibly happy:
There are no longer these age-old barriers.
(to the blacksmith)
Congratulations!
Centuries-old foundations have collapsed.
(vague)
The rest will work out
the rest is empty.
Now we are for you, you are for us.
(pleased)
So-so! Lead by the nose.
(on the wheelhouse)
Well, citizens, that's enough,
We walked to our heart's content.
Let's organize democratic government.
Citizens,
so that all this happens soon and quickly,
here we are, - God rest the soul of the Negus, - we are thirteen
we will be ministers and assistant ministers,
and you are citizens of a democratic republic, -
you will catch walruses, sew boots, bake bagels.
No objections?
Are the arguments accepted?
OK!
It would be close to the water!
Long live! Long live the democratic republic!
And now I
(unclean)
I suggest you work.
And we are for feathers.
Work,
bring it here
and we will divide it all equally, -
the last shirt will be torn in half.
Apparitions eleventh and twelfth
The clean ones set up a table, sit down with papers, and when the unclean ones bring food, they write it down in the inbox and eat it with appetite when they leave. The baker, who came for the second time, tries to look under the papers.
Why are you staring?
Get away from the paperwork!
This, brother, is not a matter of your mind.
Appearance thirteen
Blacksmith and fisherman
Let's share what we promised.
(indignantly)
Brothers!
It’s still too early for us to talk about food.
(taking them away from the table)
A shark was caught there.
Take a closer look at the shark -
does not lay eggs, is not adapted to milk.
(threatening)
It doesn’t matter whether you are Raja or Pasha,
as the Turks say:
“Hey, Pasha, don’t be naughty!”
Appearance fourteen
He leaves and a minute later returns along with other unclean people; come to the table.
Learn!
No matter how much you milk the sharks -
not be from shark milk.
Shoemaker
(to the writer)
Time to have lunch!
Finish it quickly!
Italian
Note,
how beautiful it is:
waves and seagull.
Let's talk better about cabbage soup and tea.
Get to the point!
Get to the point!
We have no time for seagulls.
They push and overturn the table. Empty plates crash onto the deck.
Seamstress and laundress
(sad)
The ministerial council lapped everything up.
(jumping onto an overturned chair)
Comrades!
It's a knife in the back!
Comrades!
What is this?
Previously, they ate one mouthful, but now they devour one mouthful?
The Republic turned out to be the same king, but only the hundredth.
(picking teeth)
Why are you fuming?
We promised and we divide equally:
one - a donut, the other - a donut hole.
This is a democratic republic.
Somebody needs some seeds - not everyone needs a watermelon.
Unclean
We will show you the class struggle!
Stop, citizens!
Our policy...
Unclean
Well,
Set fire at all four ends!
Let's show them what politics is like!
Hold on
smells like burning.
Let's set fire to the revolution,
what's your Bulgaria.
They arm themselves with weapons folded clean during lunch and drive the clean ones to the stern. The heels of the clean ones being thrown off flash. Only the merchant hid in a coal bin.
Madam hysterical
(all the time getting underfoot, wringing her hands)
And again and again the roof is destroyed,
and again and again confusion and noise...
Enough!
Enough!
Don't shed blood!
Listen, I can't!
Damn you!
I'm drooling!
The revolution is not a cadet for you, madam.
(Politely takes it. The lady grabs her hand.)
Look, you wicked one!
Throw her, guys, into the hatch hole!
Chimney sweep
Tama wouldn’t suffocate -
still a lady.
Why mumble?
If they return, they will crucify us on the cross.
Unclean
Right!
Right!
Either we - or them!
Comrades!
Use your boots to throw away the whoopers.
Hey people, why aren't you rejoicing?
Rejoice!
Baker
Rejoice!
Is there a lot of bread stored?
Rejoice! When thoughts are only about bread.
Lamplighter
Rejoice! If there are only abysses everywhere.
Chimney sweep
Rejoice! When there is not a crumb left in the stern.
Several at once.
“Rejoice” you shout!
You feed us.
We're hungry.
We are tired.
You won’t walk even a hundred steps.
Are you hungry? Tired?
Does steel ever get tired?
We are not steel.
So we will be steel.
Don't stop halfway.
Eaten in the drowned,
you can't take it back.
Now there is only one thing left to argue about,
so that the power does not dry up until the place of Araratov.
Let the storms hit us
let the heat fry
let hunger -
let's look into his eyes,
We'll just eat sea foam.
But we are the masters here!
Right!
Let's go toughen ourselves up!
The same night descends. The blacksmith blows up the forge. The moon is running fast.
Go now!
There was no more work to be done.
There has never been a need for more repairs.
Place your own breasts on anvils.
Hey! Who's to start?
I need new horseshoes.
Correct your hand - it's not very knotty.
I need something like this on my chest.
Lamplighter
Fake your legs, otherwise they’ll be cotton wool.
They come up one after another, the blacksmith is working. Steel and straightened ones come from the forge and are seated on the deck. Morning. Cold and hungry.
Without food is like a car without firewood.
Even I pass, I’m so healthy.
Muscle after muscle weakens from hunger.
(listening)
Listen,
What is this?
Can you hear the music?
They sit away from her and look scared. Some back into the hold. But the voice of the carpenter is no more reasonable.
The Antichrist gave us a speech
about Ararat and paradise.
(Jumps up in fear, finger overboard.)
Who's there
walks on the waves
plays his own dice?
Chimney sweep
Come on!
The sea is bare.
And who should appear?
Shoemaker
There he is!
It's coming!
This is hunger
He's coming to break his fast with us!
Well, go!
There are no people here who would fall.
Comrades, the enemy is on board!
Alive!
Everyone on deck!
Hunger
he goes to board himself.
Appearance fifteen
They run out, staggering, armed with anything. It's dawn. Pause.
Well, go!
Nobody...
And so
Let us again look at the barren bosom of waters.
So you pray for shade in the ovens of the desert,
dying -
you see that the desert is freezing.
Mirage!
(comes into terrible excitement, adjusts his glasses, looks closely at the blacksmith)
There it is
in the West -
won't you notice the dots?
What to watch?
It’s like putting glasses on your tail or grinding them in a mortar.
(runs back, fumbles, climbs onto the yardarm with a pipe - and a minute later his voice bursts with joy)
Ararat! Ararat! Ararat!
From all over.
Oh, how glad I am!
Oh, how glad I am!
They snatch the driver's pipe. Huddled together.
Where is he? Where?
Yes, it seems
to the right of...
What is this?
It rose.
Straightened up.
It's coming.
That is, how is it going?
Ararat is a mountain and cannot be walked.
Rub your eyes.
Three myself.
Look!
Yes, it's coming.
Some kind of person.
Yes, man.
Old man with a staff.
Young without a staff.
Ek,
walks on water and on dry land!
Bells, ring!
Cue the ringing!
Quit your job!
Stop the factories!
It is he!
He walked, cutting through the waters of Gennesaret!
God has apples
oranges,
cherries,
springs can fall seven times a day,
and the Almighty only turned his back to us,
now he is caught in a trap by Christ.
Don't need it!
We won't let the rogue in!
Hungry mouths are not for prayers.
Don `t move!
Otherwise your hand will rise.
Hey,
who are you?
Appearance sixteen
The most ordinary person enters the frozen deck.
Who am I?
I am a lumberjack
deep forest
thoughts,
scribes entwined with vines,
human souls a skilled locksmith,
stonecutter of cobblestone hearts.
I don't drown in water
I don't burn in fire -
rebellion eternal spirit unyielding.
Into your muscles
I
dress yourself
came.
Prepare the column bodies.
Collect workbenches, machines and forges.
I will climb onto the machines and the forges.
They knock down the pile.
This rate
The world has the last one in the game.
Listen!
New Sermon on the Mount
They haven’t yet killed themselves with thunder,
the mountains of storms have not yet died down.
Oh, woe to those who clung to them - the weaklings! -
earthly arks into floating junk!
Are you waiting for Ararat?
There are no Araratov.
None.
Dreamed about it in a dream.
And if
the mountain does not come to Mohammed
then to hell with her!
I’m not yelling at you about the paradise of Christ.
where fasting people lick tea without sugar.
I'm screaming about real earthly heavens.
Judge for yourself: is Christ’s heaven,
Is it a hungry sky for the evangelists?
In my paradise the halls are full of furniture,
electrical services the peace is fashionable.
There sweet labor does not calluse your hands,
work blooms like a rose in the palm of your hand.
There the sun plays such tricks,
that every step in the color world drowns.
Here the gardener's experience pores for centuries -
glass flooring, manure mound,
and I have
on dill roots
Pineapples grew six times a year b.
We'll all go!
What do we have to lose!
But will they let our sinful army in?
My paradise for everyone
except the poor in spirit,
from great fasts swollen like the moon.
It's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle,
What does such an elephant have to do with me?
To me -
who quietly stabbed the knife
and went away from the enemy’s body singing!
Go, unforgiving!
You are the first to enter
to my kingdom of heaven.
Go, you scattered adulterer with all sorts of loves,
who has a demon running through his veins of rebellion, -
to you, tireless in your love
my kingdom is heavenly.
Go, everyone who is not a pack mule.
Anyone who is unbearable and cramped,
know:
to him -
my kingdom is heavenly.
Doesn't this one laugh at the beggars?
Where are they?
What pages are you teasing?
The road is long.
We need to get through the clouds.
We will defeat each cloud one by one!
What if hell piles up behind hell?
Let's go there too!
Let's not move backwards.
Lead us!
Where is she?
Where?
Stop staring at the prophets,
blow up everything that has been and is being revered.
And she, the promised one, will be at hand -
right here!
End.
The word is yours. I'm not m.
Disappears. There is confusion on deck.
Shoemaker
I think he's in me.
I think he wanted me too...
Some
Who is he?
Who is this deranged spirit?
Who is he -
no name?
Who is he -
without a middle name?
Why him?
What prophecies did you cast?
There is a deadly bath all around the flood.
Let it go!
The promised one will be found!
The gaping mouth is ominous.
(Hand on the yardarm.)
There is only one road - forward through the clouds!
They rush to the mast. In chorus.
Through the sky - forward!
They climb up, and already on the yards a battle song unfolds.
We ourselves are now a thunderous sermon.
Let's try our strength in battle!
Let's go
Let's go try the last one!
Shoemaker
There, all the winners can rest after the battle.
Even if your feet are tired, let’s kick them into the sky!
Let's put it on!
Let's shoot bloody ones into the sky!
The firmament is wide open
heaven beyond the fence!
Along the sun ladders,
down the rainbow stairs!
Along the sunny gangway,
swing of rainbows!
Enough prophets!
We are all Nazarenes!
Slide onto the masts
grab the yards!
To the masts!
To the masts!
For the yards!
For the yards!
Appearance seventeenth
“For the yards!” - freezes in the clouds. When the last one disappears, a merchant climbs out of the coal box, looking around, lifts his head, shakes his head at the mast and, laughing, speaks.
You have to be an ass!
(He gestures around the ark.)
Good for four hundred thousand
minimum.
Even if it's scrapped.
But the merchant’s joy is short-lived - the raised head pulled, the merchant tumbled overboard.
Act three
Scene one
Hell. Smoky yellow clouds are stretched into three tiers. On the upper tier there is the inscription: “Purgatory”, on the middle one: “Hell”, on the lower one, two devils are sitting with their legs dangling.
Two words about food:
It’s hard for us in hell without priests,
and from Russia, as if it were a sin, they are driving people away with food.
(peering down)
What's that looming there?
Why a mast? What mast?
Some kind of steamboat.
Yes, a ship!
The cabin lights are on.
Life is inexpensive!
Look, bodies are climbing through the clouds,
They themselves climb the devil's horns.
The old man is ours
will be extremely happy.
(Snarks at the first one.)
Shut up, damn you
It’s impossible without a rumble!
Run, alert headquarters
Beelzebub.
First appearance
The first one runs. Beelzebub appears above the middle tier. Palm to forehead. Devils rise above the tier.
Beelzebub
(convinced, he yells)
Hey you,
damn!
Drag the cauldron!
Yes, more firewood -
drier,
thicker!
Hide behind the clouds, tough battalion!
So that none of those get out of the way!
The second and third phenomenon
The devils are hiding. From below comes: “To the masts, to the masts! For the yards, for the yards! A crowd of unclean people rushes in, and immediately the devils come out with pitchforks at the ready.
Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
(pointing to the extreme ones, to the seamstress with a laugh)
How do you like these three?
Look, they're trying! They are digging the earth.
The hubbub began to get boring. The unclean ones tsked. Sssssss The confused devils fell silent.
Unclean
(hesitantly)
(to purgatory)
Comrades!
Do not stop!
Straight there!
Beelzebub
Yes Yes!
Damn it, go ahead!
Don't let me into purgatory!
Listen -
what kind of style is this?
Give it up!
Beelzebub
(offended)
That is, how to quit?!
Yes so.
Ashamed!
Still an old devil
at the very grey.
By God, we found something to frighten!
At the factory
iron smelting
haven't been, huh?
Beelzebub
I was not at your smelter.
That's it!
Otherwise I would fade
fur.
You live here
dandy,
so smooth and hard.
Beelzebub
Good smooth
good hard!
Enough talking! Welcome to the fires!
Baker
Sharp!
I found something to scare!
Funny, by God!
Yes we have
In St. Petersburg
you would still be paid
for such a bunt,
Cold.
And you have grace.
Complete nude
Beelzebub
Enough jokes!
Tremble for souls!
We'll suffocate you all with sulfur right now!
(angry)
They brag too!
What do you have? -
Smells slightly of sulfur.
Here they let in asphyxiating gas -
the whole steppe turns gray from the greatcoats,
the division falls to the ground at once.
Beelzebub
Be afraid, I tell you, of red-hot braziers!
You will be on pitchforks,
the hour is uneven.
(losing his temper)
Why are you boasting about some kind of pitchfork!
Your stupid hell is like honey to us.
It happened
in attack
three quarters will break out
in one breath with machine-gun fire.
The devils hung their ears.
Beelzebub
(trying to maintain discipline)
What are you worth?
They opened their mouths!
Maybe he's lying about it all!
I'm lying?!
Sit here
cave cave!
Damn it!
Listen!
I'll tell you...
...about our earthly horror.
What is your Beelzebub!
We have a spider like this
thousands of pincers
squeezed the whole earth into a bloodless bunch,
the rail was pinched by cobwebs.
Even though you don’t have righteous people or children,
the hand, I suppose, does not rise to torment, -
and we have them too!
No, devils,
you have it better here.
Like some uncultured Turk,
Impale a sinner with all your might,
and we have cars,
and we have a culture...
(from a crowd of devils)
Are you eating humans?
Tasteless raw materials!
I brought you together before it was too late.
We distill it into chocolate.
(from a crowd of devils)
But?
Seriously?
And blacks were seen with tanned leather, -
for bindings so that he can go?
A nail in the ear?
Please, why?
Do you want pig hair under your nails?
If you looked at a soldier in a trench:
compare if with him -
your martyr is a snob...
Enough!
The fur stands on end!
Enough! enough!
Such a chill!
Do you think it's scary?
The fires were lit,
hung up the cans.
What the hell are you?
Yes, you are puppies!
Belts you in the factories
did you stretch your joints?
Beelzebub
(embarrassed)
Here you go!
To a foreign monastery with its own charter,
What,
Do you only gape at timid mouths?
Well, by God, are you bothering me?
Damn, like devils!
Beelzebub goes to the farmhand to hush up the conversation.
Beelzebub
I would invite you to eat bread and salt
to visit
what a treat now -
skin and bones.
Do you know what people are like now?
Once you fry it, you won’t notice it on the dish.
These bagworms are not in the robe.
You understand - there is a food crisis.
They brought in a worker the other day
from cesspools,
If you don’t believe it, there’s nothing to regale you with.
(disgustingly)
Go to hell!
(To the workers who have been waiting impatiently for a long time.)
Let's go, comrades!
The unclean ones have moved; the latter was clung to by a younger devil.
Bon Voyage!
Arrange yourself in a new way,
without unnecessary holiness,
and what kind of trinity is there, for example?
And we will come to you when everything is settled.
You're sitting here
without eating
five days,
and the devils
it is known
damn appetite.
The unclean ones moved upward. Broken, clouds fall. Dark. From the darkness and debris of the empty stage, the following picture emerges, but for now the song of the unclean thunders through hell.
Break through the doors of hell with your bodies!
Purgatory to pieces!
Forward!
Don't be timid!
Purgatory to pieces!
So!
Don't be timid!
Forward!
Let's wean the body from rest!
Tiers higher!
Walk on the clouds!
Walk through the tiers!
Higher!
Over the clouds!
End of the first picture
Scene two
Paradise. Cloud on cloud. Beleso. In the very middle, decorously seated in the clouds, are the inhabitants of paradise. Methuselah speaks.
Methuselah
Holiness!
Go to the brightest power to recover,
clean up your days.
Verb Gabriel -
is coming
more than a dozen righteous people.
Holiness!
Welcome them into your midst.
Like mice, hunger plays with them,
hell is shitting on them,
but they wander...
(gradually)
It’s immediately obvious that they are worthy people.
Let's accept.
We will definitely accept it.
Methuselah
We need to set the table
go out together.
We need to arrange a most solemn meeting.
You are the oldest here and be the master of ceremonies.
Methuselah
Yes, I can’t...
OK OK!
Methuselah
(bows, goes to dispose of the table. Lines up the saints)
Here is Chrysostom.
Prepare a welcome toast:
- We, they say, welcome everyone, and so does Christ...
You know, the books are in your hands.
Here Tolstoy is, -
you look good, decorative,
stood and stood still.
Here - Jean Jacques.
So unfold your enfilade,
I'll go look at the table.
Are you milking the clouds, my son?
Methuselah
If you need it, it's on the table.
Slice even
one cloud,
each with a slice.
For the Holy Fathers, the main thing is not food,
and the soul-saving speeches that flow at the table.
Well,
not visible yet?
Some edge of the cloud is blowing suspiciously.
They're coming! They're coming! They're coming! They're coming!
Is it really them?
To heaven, it's like the chimney sweeps are dirty.
Let's wash it.
Hmmm, it turns out that saints are different.
First appearance
It's coming from below
Yell your guns!
Fire your guns!
We are our own Christ and savior!
We ourselves are Christ!
We are the savior ourselves!
The unclean ones tumble in, breaking through the cloud of the floor.
Wow, and bearded ones!
About three hundred pieces!
Methuselah
Please, please -
quiet haven!
They let the people go crazy!
Fight, fight!
Welcome!
Methuselah
Come on, Chrysostom, start making some toast!
Unclean
What kind of toast!
We are tired,
like dogs, hungry!
Methuselah
Patience, brothers!
Now,
Now let's feed you enough.
Methuselah leads the unclean to a place where there is cloud milk and cloud bread on the cloud table.
I was being walked around.
Could I have some kind of chair?
Methuselah
No with,
not in heaven.
The miracle worker would be pitied -
over there is stooped.
Do not swear.
The main thing is reinforcement of forces.
They pounce on the ladles and edges, at first they are surprised, then, indignant, they throw away the props.
Methuselah
Taste it, taste it!
Isn’t there something more significant?
Methuselah
Shouldn't we bathe disembodied creatures in wine?
Unclean
We are waiting for you, damned ones,
we die humbly.
If only people knew what was ahead!
At our place
such paradises
at least a dime a dozen.
Methuselah
(pointing to the saint to whom the blacksmith was shouting)
Don't yell, it's inconvenient.
Angelic rank.
It would be better to talk to the rank:
Won't your rank cook cabbage soup for us?
This is not how we imagined it.
Nora!
A real hole!
And it doesn't look like heaven.
Shoemaker
Yes, my dears,
made it to heaven!
Well, I'll tell you, the hole, I am!
So, are you sitting here like this?
One of the angels
For what?
Happens on the ground too
go to a righteous brother or sister,
and we return, pouring out our oil there.
So, feathers in the clouds and flutter?!
Weirdos!
We should get an elevator.
Second angel
And we embroider marks on the clouds, -
Christ's initials.
You could also gnaw on sunflowers.
Provincials!
If only they could visit me on earth,
I would wean lazy people away from laziness!
They sing here:
"Away with the tyrants, away with the fetters."
And they will get to you
don't look how high you are.
Just like in St. Petersburg:
the population is crowded,
the food is eaten.
Unclean
You're bored.
Oh, and boring!
Methuselah
What can you do, that’s the way our system is.
It is, of course,
a lot of things are not landscaped, sir.
How to get out of here?
Methuselah
Ask Gabriel.
Which Gabriel?
All as one!
Methuselah
(proudly stroking his beard)
Well don't tell me
there is also a difference -
Here, for example, the length of a beard is s.
Unclean
Why talk?
Destroy!
This institution is not for us.
To the promised one!
Look beyond paradise.
Walk!
Let's build up paradise step by step.
Let's find it!
At least let's look at the whole universe!
They break paradise, soaring high.
But when they reached the top through the rubble of paradise, the seamstress interrupts the blacksmith:
Why feed the hungry dawn!
We break, we break and we break
clouds.
Isn't time running out for them?
Will it be soon, will it be soon?
Shall we wash our tired body?
Where?
Will we find ourselves in a new hell?
They fooled us!
We've been duped!
What next?
The further it goes, the creepier it gets.
(Thinking.)
Go chimney sweep! Go, spy!
From the darkness of the ruins of paradise, a new and final picture emerges.
End of the second picture
Scene three
The Promised Country. Huge gates that span the entire stage. The gates are painted in some corners, from which the streets and squares of earthly areas are faintly outlined. And above, above the fence, planted flowers sway and a rainbow shines through in seven colors. There is a spy at the gate, excitedly calling out to the climbers.
Chimney sweep
Here, comrades!
Here!
Land your troops!
First appearance
The unclean ones rise and look at the gates with terrible surprise.
Chimney sweep
Miracles!!
But this is Ivanovo-Voznesensk!
Good miracles.
How can you trust crooks, I ask you!
Yes, this is not Voznesensk,
believe honor.
This is Marseille.
Shoemaker
And in my opinion, Shuya.
Not Shuya at all.
This is Manchester.
Manchester, Shuya -
not in this case:
The main thing -
found ourselves on the ground again,
again at the same corner.
The damned earth is round,
oh, and it’s round!
Earth, but not the same!
In my opinion,
Doesn't the earth smell a little like slop?
What's in the air -
Is some kind of sweetness brittled?
Shoemaker
Apricots!
In Shuya?
And it’s almost like it’s time for autumn.
They raise their heads. The rainbow hits your eyes.
Come on, lamplighter,
you with the ladder, -
get up and take a look.
Lamplighter
(climbs and stops, frozen. He just mumbles)
We are fools!
Well, fools!
Unclean
Yes, tell me!
Looks like the goose is catching lightning!
Tell us! Owl!
Lamplighter
I can not…
T-a-k-a-ya
k-o-s-n-o-i-z-y-ch-y...
Give me, give me a hundred-verst pagan,
so that the sun's rays are brighter and cleaner,
so as not to hang like a rag,
to be trumpeted by the lyre,
so that this tongue will be rocked by jewelers,
so that the words
nightingales carried from their mouths...
What!
And then you won’t tell a damn thing!
Burning bottles move around, gurgling...
Lamplighter
Yes, gurgling!
The tree is blooming
not a flower, but a bun.
Lamplighter
Yes, with a bun!
And the hostess is overdressed
and the owner is pug-shaped
walk around the city, damaging the sidewalks?
Lamplighter
No,
You can't see anyone from here.
I didn't notice anything of this kind.
Sugar woman...
Two more!
Yes, speak at least a little more in detail!
Lamplighter
Yes, all sorts of people walk around
dishes,
things.
Each one has a pen
each has a leg.
Factories in flags
a mile away.
Wherever the gaze of the hundred feet wanders -
in flowers
are without work
Workbench,
machine.
Unclean
(restless)
Are they worth it?
Out of employment?
And here we are skillful in verbal sports.
Maybe it will rain
will ruin the cars.
Break in!
Shout!
Hey!
Who is here?
Lamplighter
(rolling down)
Lamplighter
Things are coming!
Second phenomenon
The gates swing open and the city reveals itself. But what a city! The open colossuses of transparent factories and apartments are piled into the sky. Entwined with rainbows, there are trains, trams and cars, and in the middle is a garden of stars and moons, crowned with a shining crown of the sun. The best things come out of the windows and, led by bread and salt, go to the gate.
Along the numb rows of huddled unclean ones.
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Revived farmhand
Who you are?
Whose are you?
What's your owner's name?
No owners!
We are no one's.
And for whom is the bread?
Salt?
Sugarloaf?
Who are you meeting?
You!
All to you!
Us?
Us?
We must be sleeping.
Dream fiction.
Once
like this
sat in the gallery.
There's a ball on stage.
Traviata
Dinner.
Came out -
and it seemed so bitter
life:
dirt,
puddles.
This won't get you anywhere now -
this is the earth.
It will fool you!
What a land this is!
The earth is dirt
earth - nights.
If you work hard on the ground, you will open your mouth,
and the fat one will come and take it away.
Calling
And you,
I suppose
will bite.
Five hundred rubles, which must be five hundred teeth
on every pood.
Same!..
Fits!..
Mouse gait.
Little has been done to us by the machine!
You just have to grow teeth on the workers!
Sorry, worker!
Worker, sorry!
Ruble slaves,
slave owner's slaves
were.
Forced them to be chained!
Took care of the counters, a hundred rubles and evil,
a glow bared its teeth through the windows.
Merchants' tentacles climbed out of the shops.
The heart of the bazaars beat with anger!
Revolution,
holy washerwoman,
with soap
all the dirt on the face of the earth was washed away.
For you,
while we wandered in the heights,
washed world
bloomed and dried up!
Take yours!
Take it!
Go!
Worker, go!
Go, winner!
The leg is not a razor
maybe we won't step.
Come on, brothers,
let's try, let's go!
The unclean ones step.
(touches the ground)
Zemlitsa!
She!
Dear earthling!
I wish I could sing now!
Scream!
Pray!
Baker
(carpenter)
Sugar -
I licked it.
Baker
Sweet, just sweet.
Now there will be no sweetness with fun!
Comrades things,
you know what?
Enough of torturing fate.
Come on, we will make you,
and you feed us.
If the owner imposes himself, we won’t let him out alive!
Shall we live?
Let's live!
Let's live!
The unclean look at things greedily.
I'd take a saw. Stagnant. Young.
And I am an igloo b.
The hand is impatient - give us the hammer!
Take it! Pigeon!
Unclean things and machines surround the sunny garden in a ring.
(offended)
Go!
Izhitsa has been slipping away quite a bit!
Stand up, little book!
The book becomes a respectfully open circle.
Why were the oxen mooing under the jugular?
We waited
were waiting
waited for years
and never noticed
Such grace is at hand.
Why do people go into museums?
Living treasure on treasure all around.
What is this - heaven or a piece of paper?
If it's our doing,
what kind of door
won't it open before us?
We are the architects of the lands,
planet decorators,
we are miracle workers.
Let's tie the rays with bunches of brooms,
so that the clouds of heaven can be swept away with electricity.
We will spill the rivers of the worlds in honey,
We will pave the earthly streets with stars.
Dig!
Dolby!
Drank!
Storm!
All cheers!
Hurray for everyone!
Sun worshipers at the world in the temple,
Let's show how we can sing.
Become choirs -
Psalms to the sun!
(solemnly)
The age-old dream is blown away -
a whole sea of mornings
Farm of peace, bloom!
You are ours!
And above us is the sun, sun and sun.
Rejoice, all who are strong,
workshop of the creators of the world, workers.
A barrel of wine is drunker
life.
Grey! Play! Burn!
The sun is our sun!
Enough!
The world has been traveled.
The chain of iron was replaced by a chain of loving hands.
Play a new game!
Circle!
Play with the sun. Roll the sun. Play in the sun!
A pause, and after it -
Let's go!
We go through towns and villages,
We'll hang our souls with flags.
Climb out of the mud
everyone to whom
Tired of sleeping bunk beds.
Granite cities,
green villages -
our everything.
The world is a communard.
Labor of love
let's touch the ground
All,
dear to whom she is.
Grab your fill, fields!
Smoke up, factories!
Hail!
Shine on
our solar
Commune!
Mayakovsky Vladimir
Mystery Buff
Vladimir Mayakovsky
"Mystery Buff"
MYSTERY-BUFF
Heroic, epic and satirical
image of our era
SECOND V A R I A N T
"Mystery-bouffe" is the road. Road of revolution. No one can predict with accuracy what other mountains we will have to blow up as we walk this road. Today the word “Lloyd George” pierces the ear, and tomorrow the English themselves will forget his name. Today the will of millions is rushing towards the commune, and in fifty years, perhaps, the attack will be further
On which planets will the air dreadnoughts of the commune rush. Therefore, leaving the road (shape), I again changed parts of the landscape
new, today, momentary.
D E Y S T V U Y T:
1. S e m p a r ch i s t s: 1) Negus Abyssinian, 2) Raja
Indian, 3) Turkish Pasha, 4) Russian speculator, 5)
Chinese, 6) Well-fed Persian, 7) Clemenceau, 8) German, 9) Pop,
10) Australian, 11) Australian's wife, 12) Lloyd George,
13) American and 14) Diplomat. 2. Seven couples: 1) Red Army soldier, 2) Lantern
box, 3) Driver, 4) Miner, 5) Carpenter, 6) Peon, 7) Servant,
8) Blacksmith, 9) Baker, 10) Laundress, 11) Seamstress, 12) Machinist,
13) Eskimo fisherman and 14) Eskimo hunter. 3. Concordant. 4. I ntelligence. 5. L a m a s c a t o n k a m i. 6. Traits: 1) Beelzebub, 2) Chief Devil, 3) Westman, 4) 2nd
messenger, 5) guard, 6) 20 clean ones with horns and tails. 7. Saints: 1) Methuselah, 2) Jean-Jacques Rousseau, 3) Leo Tolstoy,
4) Gabriel, 5) Angel, 6) 2nd angel and 7) angels. 8. S a v a o f. 9. VALID LAND PROMISED:
1) Hammer, 2) Sickle, 3) Cars, 4) Trains, 5) Cars, 6)
Planer 7) Pliers, 8) Needle, 9) Saw, 10) Bread, 11) Salt, 12)
Sugar, 13) Matter, 14) Boot, 15) Board with lever. 10. H u m o f the future.
M E S T A D E Y S T V I Y
1. The whole universe. 2. Ark. 3. Hell. 4. Paradise. 5. Land of Wrecks.
6. Promised Land.
Wrong
In a minute we will show you... Mystery-bouffe. I must say two words: this is a new thing. To jump over your head, you need someone to help. A prologue is needed before a new play. Firstly, why was the entire theater destroyed? Well-meaning people will be very outraged by this. Why do you go to performances? In order to have fun, right? Is it a great pleasure to watch if the pleasure is only on stage? the stage is only one third. This means that in an interesting performance, if you build everything up, then your pleasure will triple, and if the performance is uninteresting, then you shouldn’t watch even one third. For other theaters, presenting is not important: for them the stage is the keyhole. Sit quietly, straight or at an angle, and watch a piece of someone else’s life. You look and see Aunt Manya and Uncle Vanya lying on the sofa. But we are not interested in either uncles or aunts; you will find aunts and uncles at home. We will also show real life, but it has been transformed into an extraordinary spectacle by the theater. The essence of the first action is this: the earth is leaking. Then - stomping. Everyone is running from the revolutionary flood. Seven pairs of unclean and seven clean pairs, that is, fourteen poor proletarians and fourteen bourgeois-bar, and between them, with a pair of tear-stained cheeks, Mensheviks. The pole is overwhelmed. The last refuge is collapsing. And everyone begins to build not even an ark, but a reliquary. In the second act, the audience travels in the ark: here you have autocracy, and a democratic republic, and finally overboard, amid the Menshevik howl, the pure ones were thrown upside down. In the third act it is shown that the workers do not need to be afraid of anything, not even the devils in the middle of hell. In the fourth, laugh harder! paradise appears. In the fifth act, devastation, with its immense mouth open, crushes and devours. Although we worked on a hungry belly, we defeated devastation. In the sixth act, the commune, the whole hall, sing at the top of your lungs! Look with all your eyes!
All is ready? And hell? And heaven?
From behind the stage.
Ready! Let's!
ACT ONE
At the glow of the northern lights, the globe rests with its pole on the ice of the floor. The ropes of latitudes and longitudes intersect in ladders all over the ball. Between two walruses propping up the world, e s k them o s-o h o t n i k, with his finger buried in the ground, yells to the other
god, stretched out in front of him by the fire.
About the hunter
Loudmouth. There is no other way to poke your finger at the ground.
About the hunter
Where is the hole?
About the hunter
What's flowing?
About the hunter
Fisherman (jumping up, running up and looking under
pinching finger)
Oooh! The work of unclean hands. Crap! I'll go warn the Arctic Circle.
Running. A German, wrung out his sleeves, rushes at him from behind the slope of the world. He looks for a button for a second and, not finding it,
grabs the wool of the fur coat.
Ger Eskimo! Ger Eskimo! It's terribly rushed! A couple of minutes...
So, today I’m sitting in my restaurant on Friedrichstrasse. The sun beckons through the window. The day, like the bourgeoisie before the revolution, is clear. The audience sits and quietly chants. Having eaten the soup, I look at the bottled Eiffels. I think: what kind of beef should I take on? And should I start making beef? I looked and had lunch stuck in my throat: something was wrong with the Alley of Victories. The stone Hohenzollerns, standing between the daisies, suddenly flew upside down. Hum. I run to the roof. Winding around the skeleton of the tavern, the waterless surf, rushing against the bustle, overwhelmed the neighborhoods. Berlin - a restless sea of delirium, invisible waves of bass notes. And behind, and above, and under, and in front of the houses, dreadnoughts! And before I could even think about whether it was from Foch or...
I was completely sweaty. I look at everything dry, but it pours, and pours, and pours. And suddenly, the collapse of Pompeii was more pompous, the picture was torn open by the roots. Berlin was torn out and drowned in the abyss, from the world in a molten furnace. I woke up on the crest of flowing villages. I have collected all my yacht club experience, and here in front of you, my dear, is all that is now left of Europe.
B-b-a little...
It will calm down, of course... In about two days.
Yes, speak without these European jokes! What do you want? There's no time for you here.
German (showing horizontally)
Allow me to come near your dear seals.
The fisherman annoyedly waves his hand at the fire, goes in the other direction to warn the Circle - and stumbles upon those running out from behind the other
of the wet slope of Australia.
Fisherman (retreating in surprise)
Weren’t there even more disgusting faces?!
AUSTRALIAN WOMEN (together)
We are Australians.
A u s t r a l i e c
I'm Australian. We had everything. Something like: platypus, palm tree, porcupine, cactus...
A wstraliyka (crying with a surge of feeling)
