Short skits on holiday March 8 holiday March 8 at school Skit on March 8"Boys"

On the stage

A disheveled, sleep-deprived and grimy guy in pajamas.

He goes to the chair and takes something wrinkled and dirty from it.

SERGEY. Ma-am! We should congratulate the girls today. Did you iron my shirt?

MOTHER. Good morning, son. I stroked it.

SERGEY. Hello! Which one?

MOTHER. White.

SERGEY. White?

MOTHER. White, white.

SERGEY. What do I have?

Was it white?

MOTHER. Of course she was. We bought it last year. Don't you remember?

SERGEY. I do not remember…

MOTHER. Are you still on her New Year dressed, remember?

SERGEY. For the New Year

I remember. And then

I do not remember. And... Is she white?

MOTHER. Of course, I washed it. It was lying under your bed

I had a hard time finding her! Have you brushed your teeth?

SERGEY. Ah, so that's where she was! It was Barsik who dragged her there! (Throws the dirty shirt under the bed and puts on a clean one.) Well, just wait, now you’ll get it from me! Barsik!

Barsik! Kitty Kitty Kitty! Come here!.. He’s eating something in the kitchen again.

Fat Barsik enters.

BARSIK. What?

SERGEY. Get out of here!!!

SERGEY. A pig, not a cat... Ma-am!

MOTHER. What, son? Have you brushed your teeth?

SERGEY. Yeah. And Barsik too.

MOTHER. Good girl! Did you wash your neck?

SERGEY. Now, I'll soap it up! (Takes a stick). Barsik!!! Come here!

Fat Barsik enters.

BARSIK. So what?

SERGEY. Cho-cho!.. No big deal!

BARSIK. Ah-ah-ah... I would have said that right away. (Leaves).

Boy takes off his trousers from a chair

Also dirty and full of holes.

SERGEY. Ma-am! Have you ironed your new trousers?

MOTHER. I stroked it. And a jacket.

SERGEY. What do I have?

Do you have a jacket?

MOTHER. Of course have.

The guy throws his trousers under the bed and grabs his jacket with the sleeve torn off.

SERGEY. Well, then it will be a vest. (Tears off the second sleeve).

MOTHER. What's cracking there?

SERGEY. This is me doing exercises, mom!

MOTHER. Ah, well done, well done!

SERGEY. Today is the eighth of March for girls ( March 8), I prepared poems for them, I’ll read them now, do you hear? (combs his hair).

MOTHER. I hear you! Nice poems!

SERGEY. What poems?

MOTHER. which you have prepared.

SERGEY. Ma, what are you doing there?

MOTHER. I'm making a pie, son. You won’t come to congratulate the girls empty-handed.

SERGEY. Why pie? I need flowers!

MOTHER. Flowers in the hallway. Money for lunch in the nightstand.

SERGEY. What about the briefcase?

MOTHER. Right there, nearby. They're calling, open the door!

SERGEY. These are probably the guys from the class...

Neat boys enter with flowers in their hands.

SERGEY. Oh! Who do you want?

ANDREY. We need Sergei from 9 - "A".

SERGEY. I'm listening to.

ALL. Seryoga! Are you?

SERGEY. Well yes, I am. What do you care?

DENIS. Don't you recognize it?

SERGEY. Wait a minute! I'll find out!!! It seems like we were on vacation with you in the summer... Exactly

In the camp!..

DENIS. What summer? We are your classmates. Andryukha, Denis and Ilya.

SERGEY. Very nice... oh, I mean... Guys, is it you? Well, you're dressed up! Did not recognize…

ILYA. Look at yourself!

Sergei rushes to the mirror and sees himself

He is combed and neatly dressed and faints.

MOTHER. And here comes the pie! Oh, Serezhenka, you are so smart

You won't be recognized! Did you forget the flowers?

ILYA. No, I haven't forgotten. Only I’m not Serezhenka, I’m Ilya. Serezhenka is lying there.

MOTHER. Serezhenka, I beg you, please don’t lie around in the hallway in clean clothes. Wait until school.

SERGEY. Mommy, I didn’t recognize myself! What will happen now?

MOTHER. Nothing, nothing, nothing... You'll get used to it!

The teacher enters the classroom and goes to her seat.

TEACHER. Hello!

ALL. Hello!!!

TEACHER. Sorry, what class is this?

ALL. 9 - “A”!!!

TEACHER. 9 - “Ah”? Aaaaand... What school?

ALL. Comprehensive school No. (such and such)!!!

TEACHER. Yeah, there it is! Ah... please tell me what this is

The same school located (at such and such an address)?

ALL. The same one!!!

TEACHER. Yeah... And what, in this building before... well, there: yesterday or the day before yesterday... there was no other school No. (such and such) by chance?

ALL. No!!!

TEACHER. Well, well, well, interesting. So what class is this?

ALL. 9 - “A”!!!

TEACHER. 9 - “A”... Neither “B” nor “C”, but simply

ALL. Just "A"!!!

TEACHER. But this cannot be!!!

ALL. Why?

TEACHER. Because it

A completely different class.

SVETOCHKINA. What are you, the same one!

TEACHER. But what about the same one if I don’t recognize anything?

SVETOCHKINA. What don't you find out?

TEACHER. I don't recognize anything!

ALL. Not true!

TEACHER. Oh, isn't that true? Well, then let's check it out! What did we cover in the last lesson? You!

PETRUSHKIN. In the last lesson, you explained to us the properties and characteristic features of matter. It was very interesting...

TEACHER. Yep, gotcha! I remember well: that time no one listened!

ALL. Not true!

Learned...

TEACHER. This can't be true! No one here ever taught homework!

PETRUSHKIN. And I learned it!

ALL. And I! And I!

TEACHER. I do not believe! And I won’t believe it for anything!

ALL. But why?

TEACHER. If only because I don’t know anyone here!

SVETOCHKINA. Don't you recognize me? I am an excellent student, I always sit on the first desk...

TEACHER. My God! Svetochkina, is that you? How did you get here?

SVETOCHKINA. I'm studying here.

TEACHER. Listen to me, Svetochkina: this is a very dangerous place.

Everyone here has been replaced!

SVETOCHKINA. Come on, everyone is the same here.

TEACHER. Do you doubt it? Or do you think that I have

Hallucinations? Then tell me the name of this student.

SVETOCHKINA. Petrushkin.

TEACHER. Yeah, that means it’s not me, it’s you who are mistaken! This student

Not Petrushkin. I know Petrushkin personally!

SVETOCHKINA. And who is this?

TEACHER. That's the thing, I don't know myself. But I see perfectly well: this is no Petrushkin!

SVETOCHKINA. Who?

TEACHER. This

Antipetrushkin!!! And you

Anti-Svetochkina!!! And all of you

Anti-children!!!

ALL. Why?

TEACHER. Because normal children are not like that!

ALL. Why?

TEACHER. They don’t happen at all! First of all: they never listen in class! Secondly: they never teach homework!

And thirdly: can normal children sit so calmly and look so neat? This

Anti-children! And this

ANTI-WORLD!!!

PETRUSHKIN. Let me explain everything now. Please tell me what day is it today?

TEACHER. If you think that I

That... then you are deeply mistaken. I remember everything perfectly. Please: today is the eighth of March, one thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight!

PETRUSHKIN. Does this mean anything to you?

TEACHER. What do you mean?.. Oh, yes, yes, it seems that I’m starting to understand something... It’s all about

In time!

SVETOCHKINA. Exactly!

TEACHER. That's what I knew!!! I arrived at a different time!!! It's very possible

To another planet! What a phenomenon!!! Tell me, what is the name of this planet? AND

What day and year is it now?

PETRUSHKIN. This planet is called: "Earth". And on this day every year on Earth it is customary to congratulate all women on the holiday March 8. You

Woman and we congratulate you! (Gives flowers).

TEACHER. This is some kind of joke... I don't understand...

PETRUSHKIN. And on my own behalf I would like to add that you

Our favorite teacher at school!!!

ALL. Yeees!!!

TEACHER. "Teacher"? Did you say "teacher"? Petrushkin, is that you?

PETRUSHKIN. Yes I.

TEACHER. God! Now I recognize you! Petrushkin! But you

My favorite student!!!

Presenter 1:
Where else if not behind the wheel does a woman feel like a goddess?

Presenter 2:
Passengers pray.

Presenter 1:
Pedestrians are crossing themselves!

Presenter 2:
They say that the only thing worse than a woman driving is a woman.

Presenter 1:
Who teaches her friend to drive a car.

Presenter 2:
Therefore, today we decided to try to involve supposedly great male specialists in this process.

Presenter 1:
As you know, it’s better to see once than to hear a million times, and therefore, girls, let’s watch and perhaps even learn.

Presenter 2:
Where do we start?

Presenter 1:
From the technical part.

Men are called up, each of them will play for himself.

Competition 1

A thread 1-1.5 meters long is tied to toy cars (to the bumper or any other part that the toy has). All cars are placed in one line at the start. The men also line up at the finish line. In their hands they have threads from their machines. The task is to pull the car by the thread at a signal, but to make the car roll. This is the first stage in which players pull the car in any way, the main thing is not to lift the vehicle off the floor. After which the cars are put back to the start. The second stage is to wind the thread, for example, on a spool or on a pencil. Again the cars return to the start. The players are blindfolded. An iron can is placed in front of them and, at a signal, they must find the can by touch and wind a thread around it, thus pulling the machine to the finish line. After each stage, a winner is determined and awarded a prize.

Competition 2

Using improvised means: skittles, cans, a track for cars is created (the cans are placed in a checkerboard pattern). Two machines are connected with each other by thread. The players’ task is to follow the “start” command to walk the path between the banks from start to finish. The winner is the one who goes faster and knocks over the fewest cans (pins). You can also do two stages - in the first one there is just a race, and in the second the players close their eyes.

Now big choice toy tracks, you can organize competitions with them, both players and spectators will surely enjoy it.

After the competition, it doesn’t hurt to relax, so it’s time for a toast.

Presenter 1:
If wishes cannot be fulfilled in full size, then let them be fulfilled at least partially!

Presenter 2:
Yes! By the way, they say that traffic police officers choose their profession, trying to partially fulfill their dream.

Presenter 1:
How is that?

Presenter 2:
And they dreamed of being conductors, but it didn’t work out in the musical field, so they went on the road to be in the spotlight and wave a baton.

Presenter 1:
Girls! For the fulfillment of our desires!

After alcoholic libations, one is drawn to the spectacle. It all depends on financial capabilities and creative potential the male part of the team. In any case, a dance is performed - either by invited professional male strippers or home-grown dancers (a performance on the theme of the traffic police with the famous striped batons).

Presenter 1:
Let's continue training.

Presenter 2:
Girls, pay attention! Your car is stopped by a traffic police inspector, what should you do?

Answers from the audience.

Presenter 1:
Get ready, a visual master class will now be held. Girls, we charm stick owners from the first minute.

Men are called. While they are being put in proper shape (they dress in miniskirts, have their breasts done, make-up), a competition is held with riddles on the topic of traffic (for example, I never sleep, I look at the road all the time, I indicate when to stand and when to move start - traffic light). After the converted Master Class masters return, training begins. First stage: The traffic police officer is charmed only with the help of his face. Players must, by winking, playing with their tongue and other parts of their face, charm the traffic police inspector, and you can even talk. Second stage: The traffic police officer is charmed only with the help of his chest and arms. The third stage is with the help of legs and arms. After which a vote is held for the most charming driver, who gets a super prize; the rest of the participants are also not ignored.

Presenter 1:
A traffic police inspector examines the trunk of a car he stopped and discovers a dozen huge knives. The driver, when asked why he needed so many bladed weapons, replied that he worked as a juggler in a circus. The traffic police officer naturally doubted and demanded to demonstrate his skills. A car drove by, the driver of which saw a man juggling knives under the inquisitive gaze of a traffic police officer and said to his companion: “It’s good that I stopped, look what tests they came up with!”

Presenter 2:
So let's raise our glasses to fair doping control on the roads, especially when it concerns the fair sex!

Doesn't interfere after raising glasses musical pause- either a joint dance of the audience, or a remake song for March 8, performed by the men of the group.

Presenter 1:
Repetition is the mother of learning.

Presenter 2:
Yes! Let's repeat the main signs.

Male experts are called in again.

For this competition, encrypted phrases are prepared - based on the sign-drawing, players must guess what the sign means. Presenters show signs first auditorium, and then to men. They tell their versions, whose version is the closest to the original or the most witty in the opinion of the audience, he gets a point. At the end of the game, points are tallied and the winner is awarded a prize. So, for example, in the picture the words “stunning, sweet, beautiful, sexy, etc.” are written at different angles. - the true meaning of the sign “to give your wife a compliment.” The words “bunny, cat, sunshine, fish” are the true meaning of the sign “ask to go fishing.” Drawings on the sign “sour expression on a man’s face” - the true meaning of the sign “meet your mother-in-law at the station”, drawing on the sign “ trash can" - take out the trash and the like.

Presenter 1:
In general, only men laugh at girls driving!

Presenter 2:
Traveling in a trolleybus!

Presenter 1:
And they are simply afraid of competition.

Presenter 2:
Because they know that a woman can handle everything better than them!

Presenter 1:
The only thing that comes out unmatched among men is congratulating us!

Presentation of gifts.

(The song “For our ladies” by Trofim plays)

We remember wonderful moments
What have you given us in life?
So without delay
Let's start the concert for our ladies!

We are grateful for the smiles
And for the heavenly features,
For the mistakes and mistakes
You forgive out of kindness.

For giving excitement,
That they rise again and again
And Divinity and inspiration,
And life, and tears, and love!

(The intro of the song "SONG OF THE MERRY OLD WOMEN».

New Russian grandmothers appear, sing a song)

SONG OF THE MERRY OLD WOMEN

Music Vladimir Shainsky Lyrics Mikhail Nozhkin

We are the people with our skills
Yes, he rewarded me with fun,
To lift your spirits
I have equipped you to help!

Chorus:
We're a year old - it doesn't matter!
If the soul is young!
It's not a problem for us!
If the soul is young!

Since childhood I have not been afraid of blood,
I will heal all of your wounds.
And if I laugh -
I'll want everyone around me to laugh.

Chorus.

I have a keen eye -
I will make out all your enemies.
Well, when I whistle at once,
I will put the army on the ground.

Chorus.

Can we fire the cannon?
Sew, wash, cook dinner!
Well, what kind of old ladies are we?
The three of us are 300 years old!

Chorus.

Matryona: Good evening, dear ladies and people. Check out how cool I am today..a..cool in general, I’m already enjoying myself! And this is my old friend?..

Flower: ... oh, Matryon, how hard it is to be a real woman these days...

Matryona: oh, Flower, don’t talk. And you look really cool today, that’s okay! (Flower howls) What is it?

Flower: I got up this morning, sat down in front of the mirror, laid out my makeup in front of me... and fell asleep...

Matryona ? No, I went to the beauty salon today. Look what I'm like today..!!

Flower: oh, wow...what a beautiful lipstick you have!

Matryona : the lipstick is super-resistant, once you apply it you can never wipe it off, even if you go to bed with it... by God...

Flower: oooh

Matryona : Fathers, and the shoes, and the shoes...what is a Flower?

Flower: this is Iconika!

Matryona: ahh.. that’s what..

Flower : shoes for the dead man! oh, for the fan! and look, I bought myself an anti-aging mask..ba..

Matryona : I immediately looked 40 years younger! No, you know, I struggle with wrinkles differently. right now..iron Rowenta, ironed it once and the wrinkles were gone!

Tsvetotsek : oh, you know, I already forgot about wrinkles.

Matryonaa: why is this??

Flower: sclerosis, the best medicine...hihihi....

Matryona : Flower, do you know why we even gathered??

Flower: nooo

Matryona: ahh..about our professional holiday!

Flower : janitor's day????

Matryona : Why is Janitor's Day...??! I'm talking about a women's holiday!

Flower :ahh...I remember, of course, I remember about the women's holiday! Now our men will congratulate us! What do I look like??

Matryona : Lord forbid...i.e. I want to say super-stupid! Well guys, we are listening to you!

(Men come out singing)
We must honestly tell you
We need girls more than life.
Well, who will tell us that spring is coming,
Well, who will deprive us of peace and sleep?

Who will awaken love in the soul,
Who will make you believe in your dream again,
Who will kiss us, at least sometimes?
Who will share life with us once and for all?

Chorus: (grandmothers sing)

How can you live without us?
Well, tell me, tell me.
Where would you be without us?
Yes, just nowhere.
No wonder all centuries
We are carried in their arms
And we are ready to lend our hands again.

(they bring chairs to the grandmothers, they sit down)

Man : Let me congratulate you on Women's Day, and wish you to always remain as young as you are today..

Flower: Are you kidding me or what? I don’t understand..

Man2 :It shouldn’t be like that! dear grandmothers!

Matryona: by the way girls!

Flower: ...and not that expensive...

Man" :okay, our dear girls, on this day we would like to wish you intelligence, a lot of beauty..and also..

Matryona : wait, wait... what are you trying to say, that we are two unfortunate, terrible fools or something...??!

Man3 : it has to be like this! Our dear ladies, we congratulate you on the holiday and wish you good health!

Matryona: now, that's better!(The men leave) ________________________________________________

Matryona: Flower, what I wanted to tell you...

Flower: FAQ?

Matryona : Do you know that Maria has a granddaughter?

Flower: What are you talking about?!

Matryona : Yesterday I was born, by God.

Flower: Bah!

Matryona : Such an ugly girl!

Flower : It's nothing! It's nothing! Ugly things, they get prettier later. And beauties, on the contrary, turn stupid.

Matryona: Or maybe you were a beauty when you were a child..

Flower: Again! Stop it Matryona, let’s announce the number: on stage ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(scenery: park, bench, Flower comes out, sits on the bench, later Matryona comes out)

Flower: Why did you come out with a guitar??

Matryona: Yes, I want to congratulate you personally..

Flower: personally...well, nice...will you be the only one to congratulate?

Matryona: no._______________________________________________________________

Flower :Okay, now, wait, I’ll take a pose..

Matryona: Fathers...you also have a congratulatory pose...

Flower : Well, what about... (hit parade)

L. Vaikule: Vernissage
Once in our village
I met you by chance
You drank kvass right at the kiosk.

I fell in love with you
For your ADIDAS suit
And there are 3 stripes on the emblem.

There is no end to the chance meeting
We hugged on the porch
Promising to love each other...

The yellow moon was shining
I realized that I was in love
I realized that I was in love

ETC.: May this March day
No one will be lonely
Let them give flowers to women,
And let the cats sing songs.

March 8th every year
I congratulate all the people
And this song is a joke to you
Performed for lovely ladies...

Boris Moiseev comes out
(behaves capriciously, mannered)

We are nobody to each other and that makes it easier
Doesn't hurt, doesn't pinch and doesn't drive you crazy
I came here to see you for a festive evening

To wish you all love and goodness.

I want you to be happy, alive,

If a bullet flies, it always passes by you,

And I want to tell you that you are all beautiful here,

But I’m in a hurry, I’m leaving now!

Ex: I won’t, I won’t eat your vinaigrette now,
And I will not and will not even eat your salad,
I'm passing through here, and I have a ticket in my hands,
I will soon leave for the city of Leningrad!

Alla Pugacheva
To the tune of the Song of a Real Colonel

Oh, what a capricious Boriska you are,
Get out of my sight quickly
You're acting just like a radish
What should I do, I’ll sing for two,

Etc.: Let the songs ring loudly
Today is our holiday!
Happy March 8th, girls
Come out, let's start dancing!

Flower: oh, Matryona, thank you very much... and this is not Boris’s son Maesya..?? (Matryona looks at the flower with amazing eyes)

Matryona: Flower, today is a holiday, but you need to write an explanation why you were late for class yesterday Chinese language??

Flower: damn it (in Chinese, shukai here)

Matryona: why...who should I pinch...??

Flower: nothing... it's in Chinese... damn it

Matryona: okay, write an explanation, and I’ll come back later

(the audience and Flower write a letter) Why am I late (explanatory)

Beginning of the form

End of form

Why am I late (explanatory)

Yesterday when I was walkingfor Chinese lessons, suddenly fell from a tree on me crazy policeman . I screamed like underground rhinoceros and lost consciousness. I woke up in Karaganda and said: Take mefor Chinese lessons, I really need. But for some reason they took me awayto the State Duma, and from there I walked until he gave me a lift jet jalopy . That's why I was late yesterday.

Matryona : Flower, how come you got into this... Oh, look, there’s some kind of gathering there, let’s go and have a look

(2 people in a bathrobe and start advertising the w-mobile)

HOST: Consider that best gift– this book is the lot of librarians. You and I know the correct answer. Fur coat? No, take it higher. Well? As dear Leonid Arkadyevich would say: aw-to-mo-bi-l!!! And so, now a new concept car will be presented to your attention... But I’m silent, I’m silent: word to the creators!

Two young men in white coats come out.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Dear friends! Actually, we planned the presentation at the Geneva Motor Show, but for the sake of the holiday (International Women's Day), we will tell you some insider information.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: And so, let Mikhail Prokhorov bite his elbows with his E-mobile, we present the first women's store J-MOBILE!

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Main characteristics. The J-MOBILE, like the hostess, refuels with one glass of gasoline.

CONSTRUCTION 2: Unlike a regular car, a section for lipstick appeared - where the cigarette lighter was. The cigarette lighter itself was removed to avoid an unpleasant burning sensation.

CONSTRUCTION 1: If desired, the J-MOBILE can be painted with henna or hydrogen peroxide, and the thresholds can also be increased.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Important point: the car is a chameleon. Automatically changes color to match your handbag and boots.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: F-MOBILE - it doesn’t skid on the road, it just wags its bumper.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The Z-MOBILE radio tape recorder fundamentally does not pick up chanson, and automatically replaces it with your favorite hits.

CONSTRUCTION 1: THE F-MOBILE has a disk with compliments. This was done on purpose to respond to the cry: “Where are you going, you fool?” - you heard: “Good girl, you’re doing everything right.”

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Every year the J-MOBILE needs not only pendant repairs, but also a new necklace and ring.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: The J-MOBILE has one drawback, it looks too good on traffic police photo radar images.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The J-MOBILE steering wheel is shaped like Brad Pitt’s torso, which makes you don’t want to let go of it.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The steering wheel automatically gives you a manicure, and the gas pedal gives you a pedicure and a light foot massage.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The machine senses where there is new collection or discounts and it slows down there itself.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Soft toy, a pink pillow and a velvet cloth are already included in the basic package.

CONSTRUCTION 2: There is a function to search for a lost earring in the salon.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The inspection coupon is at the same time a discount card and a subscription to the solarium.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The car is washed at least twice with shower gel with violet extract.

CONSTRUCTION 1: There is not only a rear view mirror, but also full height in the cabin.

CONSTRUCTION 2: To avoid creating a negative image of the owner, the car is equipped with an automatic parking function.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Well, that's probably all. Does anyone in the room have any questions?

PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE: You described everything so colorfully. Does your car have any disadvantages?

CONSTRUCTOR 2: In our opinion, there is only one: the trunk of the J-MOBILE is made according to the principle of a handbag.

PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE: That is?

CONSTRUCTOR 2: It has everything you need, you just won’t find what you need.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Thank you! Wait for sales! Coming soon to AVON and ORIFLAME catalogs!

Bow.

Matryona: Fathers, Flower, I also want a mobile phone like this...

Flower: hee..I’ve had J-lisaped for 15 years now...and I drive it fine...

Matryona : Well, let’s go, show me, and while ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ will perform on stage - (they leave)

Flower: Well, what do you like about my car? Is it a car?

Matryona : You know, flower: Not really. I have a Cossack, it’s enough for me. The engine doesn’t make any noise at all.

Flower: Why is it so quiet?

Matryona : Why, your ears are pinched between your knees!

Flower : Wow. On the stage_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Oh, Matryona, after all, we’re great for deciding to go on patrol with you at night! Defending your beloved village is a sacred cause, especially since today is such a holiday, you never know... you have to be on your guard (takes up a gun)!

Matryona: Don't talk, don't talk!

Flower: Oh, anyway, is it really so scary now to walk in the village in the evenings?

Matryona: Good, that's it! You are a maniac yourself, Flower!

Flower: No, I'm a killer of maniacs! MIG 76!

Matryona: I’m looking at you right now, after all, it’s true what they say is that the whole village is afraid of you, the whole village!

Flower: Is she afraid of someone?

Matryona: Why aren’t they afraid of you? Yesterday evening, what did she fire from a gun? You might say she was a hooligan? Did she shoot at the banks?

Flower: So the man was digging cabbage in the field!

Matryona: Bah!

Flower: Yes!

Matryona: oh, look at the young people coming... and how they coo... come on quickly... quickly into the bushes...

(skit)

a short and thin man named VASYOK comes onto the stage. He sits down on a chair. He is wearing a cap with a flower and a fashionable country jacket. In his teeth he has a stalk of grass, and in his hands small flower. The song begins to play: “Oh, you’re on the mountain there.”

AUTHOR: Paramount Ascension Pictures presents (pause) Feature Film: "He came again"
His beloved MARUSYA (it could be a man in women's clothing) comes out to see VASUK and sits down next to him.
VASYOK: Hello, Marusya!
MARUSYA: Hello, Vasek!
VASYOK (gives a flower): This is for you!
MARUSYA: Oh, thank you!
They both look up a little in awe. Vasek carefully places his hand on her shoulder. She winces.
VASYOK: Marusya... will you marry me?
MARUSYA: Oh, I don’t know. This is so unexpected! I need to think.
VASYOK: How long can you think? I proposed to you six years ago.
MARUSYA: Well, I don’t know. If you think it's time, then I agree.
The song is still going on. They sigh together with smiles on their faces.
MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya! Who do you want to get first: a cat or a dog?
VASYOK: Well, maybe we’ll have the first child after all?
MARUSYA: Vasya! (pause) Who do you want first: a girl or a girl?
Vasek slowly turned and looked at Marusya. Then he turned back just as slowly.
VASYOK: (thoughtfully) I don’t know. (pause) Probably a girl. And you?
MARUSYA: I don’t care. (pause) Vasya, will you always love me?
VASEK: I will love you to the end.
MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya, it’s already late. Take me home.
Our heroes are leaving. The music stops.

AUTHOR: Ten years have passed.
Vasya comes out and sits on a chair. Five seconds later, Marusya comes out with buckets. He puts them on the floor.
MARUSYA: Why are you sitting? Why are you sitting, I ask you? Have you cleaned the yard? Did you feed the chickens? I have to do everything myself.
VASYOK: Why are you screaming like that? I'll do everything now.
MARUSYA: I scream because even on the eighth of March, you do nothing for me. And you said that you will love me to the end.
VASYOK: So the end has already come.

END

Flower : oh, so much romance... that...

Matryona: and what are you doing with the bag...are you really going there...??!!hihi..

Flower : No...I’ll fly to Hawaii...

Matryona: what a Hawaii... it's a holiday... and especially you don't know what the weather is like there... ahh... what if it rains... snow

Flower : Matryon, what are you... it’s always warm there... and what’s the weather like for our holiday today....??

(weather forecast)

Matryona: Dear comrades, we are starting the weather forecast for tomorrow...

(The flower dances and hums the melody “Emmanuelle”)

So, tomorrow, according to the Hydrometeorological Center of Russia, it is expected...

Flower: Ah!

Matryona: What is this again?

Flower : Something hit me in the back.

Matryona: She jumped, the old nymphet...

Flower: No, when it hits my back, it means rain.

Matryona: Do you understand where it hurts?

Flower: Here, in the upper third...

Matryona: Tomorrow there will be rain in the east of the country...

Flower: Ah!

Matryona: What is this again?

Flower: Something snapped inside me.

Matryona : Thunderstorm possible.

Flower: No, look, it’s gone.

Matryona : There may not be a thunderstorm.

Flower: Do you hear, grandma, scratch your back, something is hurting.

Matryona : Tomorrow there may be a cyclone to the north, an anticyclone to the south, an assault front to the east, midnight in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky!

Flower : Hey, scratch it in the southwest. There's something aching there. It's probably a drop in pressure.

Matryona : Tomorrow in the black earth regions of the country the pressure will drop to 40 degrees inwards, to 40 milligrams... milliliters... oh well... millimeters of mercury.

Flower : For some reason my nose is itchy, probably because of the drinking.

Matryona: Highs in the 40s and lows are expected over the weekend. 9 in the morning there is complete fog, dry conditions and wind. All!

Flower : No, not all. Rain and snow, ice, wind gusts up to 15 m/s, visibility 20 meters are expected.

Matryona: Fathers, how did you know everything?

Flower : It was announced on the radio in the morning.

Flower: So now the 6th grade students will tell us everything.

6th grade skit

______________________________________________________________________________

Matryona : where is that one? Have you seen my jerboa with glasses?

(Flower appears)

Why are you always late?

Flower : faq, faq I was behind the scenes, watching.

Matryona: Who?

Flower : Like whom? Yes, their beauties. Just look at them......(ditties 5th grade

Matryona: What do you have again?

Flower : Yes, the crossword puzzle doesn’t work. Here are 2 words and it doesn’t work

Matryona: Let me help.

Flower : here 13 horizontally is a bad habit.

Matryona : Whose bad habit is it?

Is it my bad habit? (crying)

Flower: What do you have to do with it?

Matryona : I have a bad habit. I've been suffering for 5 years now.

Flower : What happened then?

Matryona : Yes, as soon as I wake up, I brush my teeth.

Flower: It's nothing. This is fine.

Matryona : Who is fine. And do you know. How many times do I wake up during the night? - normal.

Flower : Doesn't fit anyway.

Matryona : Look eighth vertically. Starts with the letter I...

Flower And this is a game. 5th grade on stage

Flower: I have happy news. I was chosen as the best fan of the year.

Matryona : Well, that’s right, now you’re sick, now with something else, now with this, now with a leaking roof.

Flower : You started teasing me again.

Matryona: Okay, we need to finish this matter, otherwise you will get sick again.

Meet

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower:
You don’t look well, Matryona.

Matryona:
Better look at yourself, old crow!

Flower:
You look pale, lethargic and boiled like pasta!
Well, get ready for work and defense.

Flower:. I have one recipe, we will teach men how to bake pies.

Matryona: Regular apple pie recipe
(especially for men who are preparing a surprise on March 8)

Flower: Take 10 eggs from the refrigerator, put the remaining seven on the table and wipe the floor, next time be extremely careful. Take a basin and break the eggs into its corner, pour their contents into the basin. Wipe the table from yolks, be careful. So, we have 5 yolks in the basin.

Matryona: Now take the mixer, insert the beaters and start beating the yolks. Try inserting the beaters again... now until you hear a click. Whisk.
Wash your face, neck, arms and back, pour the yolk out of your ears.
As a result, you have two beaten yolks left in the bowl, which is exactly what we need for the pie.

Flower: It's time to get the flour. Cover the kitchen walls and ceiling with newspaper and cover the furniture with some fabric. Pour 200 g of flour into a glass, then pour into a bowl with yolks; carefully collect the remaining 800 g back into the bag.
Matryona: After making sure that the ceiling and wallpaper are covered with newspaper, start whisking.

Flower: Take a shower. Take 4 big apples And sharp knife, first run to the pharmacy and buy iodine, a patch and a bandage. It's time to start peeling the apples.

Matryona: Process thumb iodine and bandage it. Cut the apples into cubes and remember, we will need 2 apples, so you can only eat half during the cooking process. Treat your index and middle fingers with iodine.
Flower: Throw the only remaining and already chopped apple into a basin, pick up the fallen pieces from the floor, and rinse them.

Matryona: Beat everything with a mixer. Wash the refrigerator, then it dries - you can’t wash it off.

Flower: Now pour the contents into the frying pan and place in the oven. Wait an hour and if you don’t see any noticeable changes, turn on the oven. When you wake up, don’t call “01”, just open the windows and oven.

Matryona: After everything you have experienced, with a sense of accomplishment, go to the store and buy a cake.

Flower: Come on, Matryona, we need to buy a cake, otherwise now the men will take everything apart, but in the meantime, meet

Diva Alla Pugacheva with the unfading hit “A Million Scarlet Roses”:

There lived a magician alone.

I bought a nice house.

Created a greenhouse -

I grew red roses.

To the glorious women's day

Raised a million

But not loving either one,

He used roses:

A million, a million, a million red roses

You are carrying, you are carrying, you are carrying to Privoz

Who is in love, who is in love, who is in love and seriously

I gave half a thousand for five scarlet roses!

The holiday was successful -

He sold a lot of flowers.

He shoveled money like a ladle,

I just didn't become any happier.

Let him ruin you

But you were happier:

You bought these roses

Gave it to your sweetheart!

Let someone grow a million scarlet roses,

Let him carry it, let him carry it, let him carry it to Privoz:

You're in love, you're in love, you're seriously in love

You will give, You will give everything for five red roses!!!

Flower: Matryon!

Matryona: Aw!

Flower : What do I want to ask?

Matryona : A-ha, ask, ask dear

Flower: Is this what you thought yesterday when we were offered to perform at this school?

Matryona : Hey, heh! My dear, I didn’t think anything. What can I think, they won’t pay us anything here anyway. So at least we will be a gift for the holiday that is dear to them!

Flower: Meet another gift. On the stage gr. "Factory"

to the tune “Fish” from the repertoire for performance by a ladies’ group.

1 TO.

When spring comes again,
The streams are ringing, the snowdrifts are melting!
Together with nature on earth
The weak floor also blossoms!

CHORUS:
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

2 K.
Well, why are we worse than these stars?
In your province, girls!
And we have our own producer!
They need to look for something like this!

Let tours not threaten us!
And show business has no chance for us!
But we know one thing for sure:
We are the best in this world!

CHORUS:
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

LOSS

3 K.
And on this March day
We sincerely congratulate you!
And reach any heights
We wish you well in all matters!

Let your eyes glow
Let your face shine with a smile!
And may fate give you
One day I'll meet a goldfish!

CHORUS:
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

4 K.
And we wish you more
Hear compliments more often
And may you always be
Much better than your competitors!

And we don't need anything
Just more moments like this!
And even though we are not in the Kremlin now,
But we really look forward to applause from you!

Here we shine like the sun!
Congratulations! Congratulations!
And we will shine for you today
We wish you brighter than any stars!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

Matryona: Flower, oh, what a song! I'm crazy!

Flower: And I was so turned on, so turned on! You know, I watched a movie yesterday, there were two such men! (at this time R.V. Delikanov and V.V. Pitreev come out) There they are, those from the TV!

couplets from the repertoire of Bandurin and Vashukov

We are funny grannies
We'll sing ditties for you.
Performed by grandmothers, get your hands ready.

1st:
When I was young I was
A very prominent girl...
2nd:
Something's looking at you
I can't believe this!

1st:
I used to perform in the choir,
I sang a song...
2nd:
We thought it was a dog
It's howling at the moon!(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I had 4 husbands with registration….
2nd:
And there were 4 more on privatization(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
On the path of pensioners
Grandfather was walking with gray hair...
2nd:
When he saw you,
He ran away like a young man!(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I'm going to a beauty contest
We made a sign...
2nd:
Explain to the people
Why are you a technician?(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I'm waiting for this spring day
Prince on a horse...
2nd:
I was daydreaming! For you
Grandfather will wear a vest!
Both:
We've come to the end of the ditty,
Clap your hands
In the meantime, let's go dance
With that good guy!
(bow)

Matryona: Oh, men, respect!
Flower: We are so excited in our souls that we are now going to sing for the men!
Matryona : Listen, do you like ditties?
Flower: I love it!
Matryona: Can you sing them?

Flower: And talk and sing!
One - and, two - and I got shortchanged -
Nowadays there are men.
I'll be like Bandurin.

Matryona: Well, I’m like Vashukov.
Flower: Please, people, pay attention to us!
Together: Let's sing from female face women's suffering!

Chorus : We are not too lazy to sing ditties,
Because it's Women's Day.
Guys, attention -
Women's suffering!

1. Every year on March 8
The husband carries a bouquet in his hand.
2. And where will you place it?
Are these ficus plants in a pot?

1. My husband will give gifts again today
Toilet water.
2. That’s why it doesn’t happen
No guests, no flies sometimes!

1. My baby is bald

Well, where should we put him?

2. When there is no mirror

You'll be looking at your bald head

1. They came to match me

On a gray mare

2. They took your chests,

And they forgot you

1. I am a foreigner
Found it through an ad.
2. You live abroad with him
In sunny Turkmenistan.

1. Darling is walking along the road,

Goes smiling

2. It turned out that he inserted teeth -

The mouth won't close!

1.My dear tractor driver
Well, I'm a milkmaid
2. He is in fuel oil, you are in manure,
You are a sweet couple.

1. I can Matryon you
Crush with morality.
2. Do you hear, don’t get angry,
Kettle with spiral.

1. Oh, you, fashion, fashion, fashion,

What have you brought to this point?

2. Even Grandma Lukerya

I went to church in shorts.

1. At school you have girls -
Smart girls, beauties!
2. And I know that for boys,
Love this!

1. We wish everyone good health,

We wish you happiness

2. Happy first spring holiday

Hearty congratulations

1. So that you know sorrows
Even a slight shadow of sadness,
2. So that your eyes always shine,
And not only on this day!

Together: We are not too lazy to sing ditties,
Because it's Women's Day.
We sang suffering
Thank you for your attention.

Dance Nachalka__________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Teacher, teacher.

Matryona: How often do you sing this?

Flower: I want a song for the teacher.

Matryona: Please, by pike command, According to Tsvetochkin’s desire Song “All Flowers”

Matryona: Listen to Tsvetik, that's what I'll say.

Flower : Tell me, tell me, honey.

Matryona: If deputies have a sad life, their salaries are high. But these teachers have a fun life, but the salary is small. Look how funny they are.

Matryona : So let's continue to have fun. Girls, come out and dance!

Dance

Matryona: We congratulate our dear women
After all, you are beautiful, like spring itself!
May fate protect you all from troubles,
And life will be beautiful and long!

Flower: Let there be everything in it - a sea of ​​smiles,
Love and happiness - a whole ocean!
Many amazing stories
And congratulations from distant countries!

Matryona: Ambassador from the island of Sicily. The head of the Sicilian mafia Antonio Zverino (Anatoly Zverev, for example) with an interpreter (translator).

Ambassador of Sicily: Drunk morning because of Stolini Gulini, Poganini, bikini!

Translator: Greetings to everyone sitting in this festive hall!

Ambassador: Drunk in the morning, brainy, sick, goner, hungry, smart, felicita!

Translator: I greet all my friends and colleagues present here!

Ambassador: Drunk in the morning striptease, cretino, bambino, gulako immoral.

Translator: And also those who couldn’t come today!

Ambassador: Mia problem, consensus and body to the hairdryer.

Translator: On this day we will not talk about political and everyday problems.

Ambassador: Mia Rozhe Interesto

Translator: I would like to ask.

Ambassador: Bellisimo belly humanoid?

Translator: Who gave the joy of this holiday?

Ambassador: Mafioso Terazini?

Translator: State Duma?

Ambassador: Papa Putino Cardinale?

Translator: Our president?

Ambassador: Know, know, know!

Translator: No, no, no!

Ambassador: Santa, Maria, Maradona, Felicita!

Translator: Friends, you gave yourself this wonderful holiday!

Ambassador: Mia presente Santa Maria..

Translator: I want to wish you...

Ambassador: Angino, griposo, gastrito, miacardo and radiculito

Translator: Good health!

Ambassador: Kolosale ponimanto respect!

Translator: Mutual understanding in the team and family.

Ambassador: Grandiose business!

Translator: Prosperity in life!

Ambassador: And drunk, drunk, drunk!

Translator: And always be happy!

He bows and leaves.

(Costume of the Ambassador of Sicily: a long dark cloak, buttoned tightly, on top of which is a long white thin scarf (muffler), a dark hat with a wide brim, a cigar, dark glasses.)

Grandmothers: We came to you for an hour to congratulate you on March 8th! We wish you much happiness, until we meet again! Happy holiday, dear teachers!

This script suitable for men, who wish to congratulate their female colleagues on March 8 beautifully and with humor. The holiday scenario is simple to implement, but requires a little preliminary preparation. Exciting competitions, creative ideas, funny jokes– all this is in the presented scenario.

Decoration: We decorate the room festively. Beautiful tablecloths, bouquets of fresh flowers on the tables, and posters on the walls with holiday greetings would be appropriate.

Holiday paraphernalia:

• Quiz chips(you can use any objects as chips: beautiful buttons, paper flowers, circles cut out of colored cardboard);
• Medals “The smartest of the smartest”, “The most intelligent”, “Woman of mystery”, “ Best Dancer", "Jack of all trades", "The most caring", "The most sensitive", " The best hostess»;
• Whatman paper, to which children's photographs of the participants are attached;
• White sheets of paper for making airplanes;
• Real or paper flowers for the “Star of the Dance Floor” competition;
• Large posters depicting various characters for the “Who Am I?” competition;
• 20 round caramels and 5 handkerchiefs or napkins for the Princess and the Pea competition.

Progress of the event

2 presenters (men) appear in the hall and tell the parable “God created woman.”

Presenter 1: Dear women, you are the best among us. And when you walk along the corridor (office), busy with everyday affairs, you just want to exclaim: “Oh, what a woman!”

Presenter 2: Today we have gathered in this hall to congratulate our lovely ladies on the amazing spring holiday, and to give a wonderful mood this evening.

Presenter 1: Every woman on March 8 wants something unusual, interesting, and we guarantee that everything will be exactly like that today, but first we suggest filling your glasses and drinking to our most charming and attractive colleagues, to our lovely ladies (you can make any toast in a poetic uniform dedicated to Women's Day)!

Presenter 2: And now the floor is given to a man who can do almost everything (the toast is given by the director, deputy department, enterprise).

Presenter 1: Dear women, now the most courteous man on our team, who can charm any woman with his smile, will congratulate you (in this style, all men of the team who want to congratulate their female colleagues on March 8 are given the floor).

Competition program

Quiz “Testing erudition”

The presenters conduct a quiz consisting of 8 questions. For a correct answer, participants receive 1 chip. The one who gets the most wins large quantity chips.

Quiz questions:

1. Name the films the name of which contains the word woman.
2. Sing a line from a song which mentions a woman's name.
3. List the wines named female names.
4. Name the plants which are reminiscent of women's names.
5. What is a girl's name? mentioned in nursery rhyme about the ball?
6. Name the films which have female names in their titles.
7. What grape varieties named after women?
8. What kind of chocolate named after a woman?
9. Name the only lady among the zodiac signs.

The hosts count the chips and determine the winner of the quiz. She is awarded the “Smartest of the Smartest” medal (if the team is large, then you can award medals for the first three places).

Musical surprise from men: male colleagues prepare a musical number based on their abilities - you can sing, dance, play the guitar).

“Send an Email” Contest

The presenters suggest finding out which of the participants can work with both their hands and their heads. At the presenter’s signal, you need to make an airplane (file) out of paper and send it along e-mail(throw into a box standing at a distance of 4 m from the participant. The winner is awarded the “Jack of All Trades” medal. In a large team, medals can be awarded to all participants who throw the airplane into the box.

Competition “Find out from the photo”

The competition includes children's photographs of the female half of the team. All participants of the holiday bring their children's photographs in advance and carefully attach them to a large Whatman paper. Men are invited to carefully look at the photographs and determine who is depicted in them. The winner is the participant who was most difficult to recognize in the photo. She is awarded the Woman of Mystery medal.

Competition "Star of the Dance Floor"

Women are invited to stand in a circle and show off their dancing skills. For this competition you need to make a selection in advance dance music different styles. Male colleagues act as the jury. They carefully watch the dancers and give a flower to the one who, in their opinion, dances the best (you can give both real flowers and flowers made of paper). The winner is the participant who collects the most flowers. She is awarded the “Best Dancer” medal.

Competition "Who am I?"

To hold the competition, large posters with some characters drawn on them are prepared in advance. These can be cartoon characters, fairy tales, famous actors, singers, animals. A circle is cut out in the middle of the sheet, large enough to fit the player’s face. You can use two men or wooden stands as poster holders. The participant is blindfolded, the poster is turned to the side with the pattern facing the audience, then the eyes are untied and the player is asked to insert his face into the cut hole.

Task for the player: Using clarifying questions, find out what is drawn on the poster. Viewers are only allowed to answer questions with “yes” or “no,” “you can say that.” To make the task simpler, you can immediately suggest which category the character you want to solve belongs to (for example, it is a bird, a pet, a plant).

Examples of wording questions:

• Am I a cartoon character?
• Am I he/she?
• I am fat?
• I'm tall?
• I am old?
• I'm small?
• I am a girl?
• Do I have a friend Mishka?
• Do I have a pink sundress?
• Am I Masha from the cartoon "Masha and the Bear?"

The one who completed the task best and fastest wins. The winner is awarded the “Most Smart” medal.

Competition "Princess and the Pea"

5 chairs are placed in the middle of the hall. Several round candies (from 1 to 5) are placed on each of them and covered with thin napkins or handkerchiefs. These manipulations must be done so that the guests of the event do not see how many candies are on each of the chairs.

5 women are invited to participate in the competition (it is advisable to take those who do not have medals). Assignment for participants: sit on a chair and use your soft spot to determine how many “peas” are hidden under the napkin. Those who complete the task receive “Most Sensitive” medals.

Competition "Caring Wife"

Men and women participate in the competition. They are distributed in pairs. A belt, tie, shirt, jacket, glass, and water bottle are laid out on a chair next to each man. Women's challenge – “get your husband ready for work”: put all the items on him, fill a glass with water, give the man a drink and kiss him on the cheek. Whoever completes the task faster will win. The winner is awarded the “Most Caring” medal.

Dance break.

Competition "Little Tricks"

All women present take part in the competition. They need to answer questions. For each correct answer, the presenters award 1 chip.

Questions:

1. What is the name of the magpie-crow's signature dish (porridge)?
2. What is one word for fruit kefir (yogurt)?
3. A dish that can be prepared using chicken and cow (omelet)?
4. A bird that ended up in soup for its thoughts (turkey)?
5. An apricot that has been on a dry diet (dried apricots) for a long time?
6. How to peel an onion without crying (hold the knife and onion in cold water)?
7. What needs to be done to make over-salted soup tasty (add peeled raw potatoes to it)?
8. What should be added to the water so that the egg does not burst during cooking (salt)?
9. How to quickly boil potatoes (after the water boils, add a piece of butter to the pan)?
10. What needs to be done to ensure that beets retain their color during cooking (add a little vinegar to the water in which they are cooked)?
11. What can I do to make egg whites whip faster (use chilled eggs with a pinch of salt)?
12. How do you know if the cake or pie you are baking is ready (pierce it with a wooden skewer or match: if the dough sticks, it means it’s not ready yet)?

The participant who receives the most chips is awarded the “Best Hostess” medal. It is also necessary to provide for the option when several participants scored the same number of points. In this case, you should have a few additional questions in stock to determine one winner, or to make several additional medals.