Scenario for the holiday “Farewell Elementary School”
Developed by primary school teacher: Antipina O.V.
Target : Instilling in students a sense of respect for teachers and parents, developing the concept of completing an important stage in their school life, developing the desire to study successfully in secondary education.
The cheerful march “Over the seas, over the waves” sounds, to which the team, together with the captain-teacher, marches to the classroom.
Captain:
- One, two, one, two, stop! One, two, go left!
The team stops and turns to face the audience (parents).
Captain:
- Navigator, report!
Navigator:
- Comrade Captain,(Acting teacher), no incidents were found in the crew of the 4th class ship entrusted to me. A 4th class ship confidently rides the waves of knowledge and is not afraid of such storms as presentations, essays, tests and even open lessons.
Captain:
- At ease!
The stars shine in the dark sky,
The waves splash in the blue sea,
Four years ago
They brought the guys to me.
The students disperse, leaving two boys and two girls, holding dolls, cars and a sandbox in their hands.
1 girl:
— I took the doll to school,
Otherwise, I wouldn't have gone,
But my mother persuaded us
And I forgot the doll at home.
1 boy:
- I put it in my briefcase,
Four jeeps and a gazelle,
Enough for all my lessons
Play under the desk in silence.
2 girl:
- And I, with my beloved soft Teddy Bear,
He is almost for me, brother,
He didn’t offend me,
He hit the boys on the heads.
2 boy:
- And I, in the sandbox with a bucket,
I went secretly to the school yard,
I picked up sand with a shovel,
And he carried it properly to class.
All childrenstand together and say:
“That’s how we started our hike,”
On the waves of science and knowledge!
Captain:
- This is how we stayed on the waves,
We are on open sails,
They didn’t sink to the bottom at all,
Although, they often floundered.
It happened that they swam with the answer,
A little bit, they were undereducated somewhere,
But that’s what’s good about science,
That there is no place for laziness or boredom in them.
And the order was given to the ship,
Go to the open ocean.
Navigator:
- Everyone has become a little more mature,
Well, here we have a farewell ball.
Boys and girls dancing a waltz
Leading. -Today we are all a little worried: for four years you have been climbing the most difficult steps of the ladder of knowledge, step by step.
Leading. You have studied almost 2500 lessons together since then. Dozens of rules have been learned, hundreds of problems and thousands of examples have been solved, many scientific facts have stuck in your heads, and some still don’t fit there.
Leading. Schoolchildren spent 1,836 hours at their desks, and this does not count the time spent on homework. 1920 notebooks filled with writing, but not every one of them was shown to parents.
Presenter 1. In the category “Student of the Year” they are awarded for excellent academic achievements and for an active life position (Alexandra Sizykh)
Our Alexandra loves to sing, dance,
Various books to read, interesting sites to visit
We wish you to study only with “5”
and further develop your talents at school.
There are elements of acrobatics
Sometimes even in mathematics.
And those to whom it is subject,
Those Pythagoras - that's clear!
In nomination"Young Pythagoras" are awarded(Evstafiev Alexander, Shlyakhov Eduard)
Performs Ivakina Irina’s song “My Teacher”
1 Student: Here we became students
And made friends.
We've grown up a little here
We became a little smarter.
2 Student: We studied in elementary school,
But years have passed:
We grew up and said goodbye
It's time for us!
Host: And how many talents we have, even now we can film the TV magazine “Yeralash”!
1st scene.
1st student: Did you hear? The teacher put an ink in the magazine. To the main page! I saw it myself.
2nd student: If only for my unit!
3rd student: If only I could get a bad grade!
4th student: Oh! Just not for my C!
2nd scene.
Teacher: Do you chat in class?
Student: No.
Teacher: Are you cheating?
Student: What are you talking about!
Teacher: Are you fighting?
Student: Never!
Teacher: Do you have any shortcomings?
Student: I lie a lot.
Teacher 1. Every person has a home, not just a home with a roof over his head, but a place where he is loved and expected, understood and accepted for who he is, where it is warm and cozy.
Teacher 2. On September 1, four years ago, 26 boys and girls took their first step into the land of knowledge. Four years ago we began to create our own home there, in which we all felt good together. It is made of building material with special properties: kindness, wisdom, //friendship, love, //interest, humor, //mutual assistance, hobbies. (During the words of Teacher 2, music or a song sounds. “Childhood, childhood...” Children (8 people) bring “bricks” onto the stage - boxes with the inscriptions “kindness”, “friendship”, “humor”, “mutual help” , “love”, “wisdom”, “hobbies”, “interest”, building a house
See and understand
And be able to depict everything,
Portray perfectly.
Who has the power to do this?
In nomination"Motley palette" are awarded(Neputaeva Valentina, Vorontsova Ella, Sergeeva Diana, Zabelin Egor)
To whom it is given to be different from others,
To be charming, flexible, artistic?
In nomination"Miss Artistry" are awardedIvakina Irina, Lopaticheva Sonya
A scene from a lesson. - Children, you have come to school. Here you need to sit quietly, and if you want to ask something, you need to raise your hand.
(Vovochka extends her hand.) - Do you want to ask something, Vovochka? -No, I'm just checking how the system works.
Scene. “Small meeting” - Dad, I must inform you that tomorrow there will be a small parent-teacher meeting at school for students, parents and teachers. - What does “small” mean? - It’s just you, me and Olga Vladimirovna.
Presenter 1. To the director - a word of congratulations
Performs Alexander Sizykh’s song “Little Country”
Presenter: In the “Golden Pen” nomination (Polina Bogdanova, Kristina Zubova) are awarded
We wish the girls true friends,
Lots of health and sunny days,
Success in your studies and only good things.
May your life be full of joy!
Who became our star in sports?
Everyone knows, friends, don’t argue!
Presenter: In the “Sports Star” nomination, awards are given to (Nastya Korikova, Anastasia Karavaeva, Alena Smolina, Daniil Snegirev, Alexander Kuznetsov)
Constantly searching, on the move.
Don't catch him in one position.
Presenter: In the category “Perpetual motion machine ” awarded to Perfilyev Stepan, Serebrennikov Maxim, Viziryakin Daniil.
"At the lessons of natural history" Characters: teacher and students of the class
Teacher: Who can name five wild animals? Student Petrov holds out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov. Student Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three tiger cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Student Kosichkina: These are the kind of forests in which... it’s good to doze off.
Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Student Petukhov: “Frog Traveler”
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Disciple Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it depends entirely on the cat.
Presenter: All the years and days, our parents studied with us from lesson to lesson.
teacher: They, like you, and maybe more worried than you, experienced failures, rejoiced at your victories... and today at the holiday we say a huge thank you to all of them!
1st student:
Join us in 5th grade
Our mothers, our fathers are moving on.
Everything they taught us
They pass better than us.
3rd student:
Mothers, dear, kind mothers,
We want to say thank you.
For your care, for the fact that you, mothers,
Everyone is ready to forgive and understand.
5th student:
Daddies, our beloved ones,
Grandmothers, mothers, relatives,
We wish you all kinds of blessings.
Live long just like this
Without knowing quarrels, disagreements, troubles,
Many years of love and happiness.
7th student:
We thank all parents
For their worries and concerns.
In our hearts we adore you
And we say thank you.
Scene “Homework”
Pavlik. What a damn task! I fought and fought - failure! There were already circles in my eyes. Sit down, dad, help!
Dad Keep your head up, son! You're not alone with dad (sits down for homework)
Pavlik. We were told to underline parts of speech in the exercise. Do me a favor, mom - pay more attention!
Mom Underline parts of speech? We'll figure it out somehow. (sits down to study)
Pavlik. And for you, grandma, some paints. Here, grandma, don’t sleep. Draw a picture for a fairy tale: A cat walks along a chain.
Granny. No, she’s old, the eye is not the same (Pavlik is crying) Okay, okay, there will be a cat. (sits down to do his homework) Pavlik I’ll go out for a minute. Where is my jacket?
Leading. In the morning Pavlik walked cheerfully with a blue bag on his back. But it was not fun from school. He returned home.
Mom What did you bring? Pavlik. See for yourself. Dad. No, report first! Pavlik. Dad is five, mom is four, and you, grandma, are two.
Moms and dads, turning to you, we want to say thank you, we have upset you so many times, but you have always forgiven us. For the gray hair, sorry for everything. (Everyone:) We love you very, very much!
The floor is given to dear parents.
A group of guys “Teacher” perform a song
Neither a lesson nor a change changes a gentleman!
Presenter: In the nomination"A real gentleman" are awardedLesnikov Nikita, Arbarinin Igor, Krasovsky Daniil
Leading: Are you guys wondering what the future holds for you?
2030... Spring is coming...
We will read your names in the newspapers.
Styopa and Yegor became famous scientists.
Daniil and Stas served and are already generals.
Ella, Ira and Lena in Paris at a dance competition
They amazed all the foreigners with their grace.
Edik became the owner of the car park,
But with gasoline, as before, parking!
And Anton, of course, is a zealous computer scientist,
He created new cool programs.
Our Sasha has become an expensive lawyer,
He is abroad now with his brother.
Igor and Max plunged into science,
We jointly discovered the theory of sound,
Still working - the theory of light
And they became laureates for it!
Just think, our Nastya
The one who was smarter than everyone and more beautiful,
Lives and works here next door,
She is the chief doctor of the children's clinic!
Christina and Polya are going on tour with us,
Only the first roles are played.
Well, and our Valentine
Shows his paintings around the world.
Nikita, so quiet and gloomy,
Now a member of the State Duma.
Egor is a star in the chess world.
And there are only sixty-four cells.
Diana, Lisa, Sonya - just great!
They walk on our catwalk!
Everyone loves animals
But Alenka is ours, she dotes on them,
“The best veterinarian” - the article reports.
Alexandra is the director of this school,
She already heads teachers' councils.
Many years will pass... And spring will come...
We will read your names in the newspaper.
Host: To be honest. For 4 years we had everything: quarrels, and even fights.
Scene “Quarrel”
Two boys are "fighting".
Teacher (separates the children):
Who offended whom first?
Boys: - He me!
No he me!
Teacher: - Who hit whom first?
Boys: - He me!
No he me!
Teacher: - You used to be such friends!
Boys: - I was friends!
And I was friends!
Teacher: - Why didn’t you share?
Boys: - I forgot!
And I forgot!
Leading: Honest, responsive - everywhere,
Sensitive to other people's misfortune.
In nomination"Miss and Mister Class Conscience" awarded (Anton Murashev, Elena Safronova)
Performs the song “Childhood” Evstafiev Alexander
ATTENTION! The most solemn moment is coming. Now you must take the “Fifth Grader Oath.” “Entering the ranks of high school students, in the face of my comrades, in the face of martyred parents, in the face of working teachers, I solemnly swear: (They answer only “I swear”) 1. Stand at the board like the best goalkeeper, not to let anyone pass by question, even the most difficult and tricky one. - I swear 2. Not to bring teachers to a boiling point - 100 degrees C. - I swear 3. To be fast and impetuous, but not to exceed a speed of 60 km/h when moving along school corridors. -I swear 4. It is not the sinews that are being pulled out of teachers, it is not the sweat that is being squeezed out, but solid and accurate knowledge and skills. -I swear 5. Swim only “good” and “excellent” in the sea of knowledge, diving to the very depths. -I swear 6. To be worthy of my teachers. -I swear by the Leaders. And now you can say the cherished phrase EVERYONE: HURRAY! WE are fifth graders!!!
TOThe parents give the oath. Ready?
PARENTS (together):
Will we always help children with their studies? - Yes!
So that the school is proud of the children. - Yes!
We are not afraid of leapfrog tasks. - Yes!
Formulas to remember are nonsense for us. - Yes!
We swear to never hit children. - Yes!
Just scold a little sometimes. - Yes!
Let us be calm, like water in a river. - Yes!
We will be wise, like a star in the sky. - Yes!
We will get up in the cold in the morning. - Yes!
To be on time both here and there. - Yes!
When it's time to finish studying,
Let's take a walk with the children then! - Yes! Yes! Yes!
Host: Sometimes even a strong polymath
He doesn’t know where or what he will win.
Of course, to be the first in something,
You need to love the business.
In nomination"Miss and Mister Mystery"
Rybak Stanislav and Lapyrenok Elizaveta are awarded
There is a school-teremok, a teremok.
He is neither low, nor high, nor tall.
Who lives in the little house?
Does anyone live in a 2-story building?
Olga Vladimirovna lives there
She teaches 4th grade.
Makes you remember the rules
Nadezhda Nikolaevna lives there
Leads all children into the world of art.
Drawings teaches you to draw
And get A's for them.
Rada Borisovna lives there
He sings with us to the backing tracks of the song
He sings so well that he touches your heart.
Diana Vladimirovna lives there
He teaches us physical education
Makes you jump and jump
Gain strength and health.
Marina Evgenievna lives there
English language teaching
This is what a tower
Although not low and not high at all
But good people live there
The kids run to them with joy.
To everyone who taught us good,
Who raised us, fed us,
And to those who simply loved us,
We are speaking "THANK YOU
!
Student: Let the golden autumn pass,
The snowstorm will stop raging.
And the sun, laughing and sparkling,
He will look into the primary classes.
Here they rushed to new knowledge
The first teacher and I are together,
We grew up, we were surprised, we became friends
And they sang their favorite songs.
Student: Our class is mischievous and cheerful.
Tests, lessons, tasks...
Today is elementary school
He wishes us good luck in life!
The doors will open and again
You will meet your first-graders.
We know, elementary school, -
You will remain in our hearts!
We all sing “Don’t Twist the Motley Globe”
Have you noticed that many family quarrels proceed as if according to a script? We conflict for different reasons, but the underlying reason remains the same. What hidden forces drag us into recurring conflicts and how can we put this broken record on hold?
Alpina Publisher published a book by psychologist and negotiator Daniel Shapiro, “On Emotions: How to Resolve the Most Painful Conflicts in the Family and at Work,” in which this topic is developed in detail. "Matrons" publishes an excerpt from the book. In the comedy “Modern Times,” Charlie Chaplin, barely moving his legs from fatigue, returns home to his crumbling shack, and on the threshold, a wooden beam falls with all its might on his head. The same scene is repeated every day: Chaplin shuffles inside, closes the door - and receives a blow to the head. One fine day the hero goes inside, but the beam remains in place. Confused, he looks up, then opens the door again and slams it forcefully. The beam collapses on his head. Here Now
Chaplin's example demonstrates one of the most powerful forces that draws us into conflict: repetition compulsion. Under its pressure, we are forced to reproduce the same behavior again and again, as if according to a pattern. The subject of the dispute may change - today you do not agree with how your husband or wife manages the family budget, and tomorrow you begin to sort things out over household responsibilities. But the underlying reason for the confrontation always remains the same - and infuriates.
Perhaps the most unpleasant thing is that the force that pushes the repetition compulsion also pushes us to unconsciously recreate situation which leads to renewed conflict. Driven by an overwhelming desire to relive the pain of the past, we begin to harm ourselves and achieve great success in this, convincing ourselves, just like Chaplin, that we need the beam to hit us on the head once again.
But where does the tendency to behave this way come from? And an even more important question: how to change it?
Anatomy of repetition compulsion
I define repetition compulsion as dysfunctional a pattern of behavior that is forced to repeat itself and again. This is a more complex type of habit. The latter arises when a stimulus produces the desired reaction (for example, you want coffee - you automatically go into a cafe and order a cup of coffee; the stimulus produces the desired reaction - and before you can blink your eye, you can no longer imagine life without strong espresso). Repetition compulsion penetrates deeper into the psyche, forcing you to do things again and again that you really don’t want to do. We unwittingly become our own enemies, unconsciously living out a very long-standing scenario of behavior - in full confidence that it is the result of current circumstances.
To free yourself from repetition compulsion, it is important to first understand why it distorts our perceptions during conflict.
Firstly, there is deep mental trauma. When our identity is brutally violated, whether through direct aggression, mistreatment, or a tragic life change, the incident leaves an unhealed wound in the soul.
Take the case of my friend Jen. When she was seven years old, her father left home and never returned. His departure deeply wounded the girl, and the scars did not heal for a long time. Every time, playing on the street with friends, she constantly looked into the distance, hoping that her father would appear around the corner. He never showed up.
Secondly, painful emotions are expelled into the unconscious. You lock away emotional experiences in a prison on the outskirts of your mind, hoping to never have to deal with them again.
When I met Jen, she was 30 years old, but her father's passing was still the most painful event in her life. However, she never felt the desire to undergo psychotherapy and rarely discussed her childhood with friends, preferring to keep the sadness, shame and rage in the prison of the unconscious and pretend that they did not exist.
Third, you are eagerly looking for any excuse to recreate the emotional trauma.
Although Jen suppressed her emotions, they refused to sit quietly in the depths of her psyche. They banged on the walls, hit the ceiling and screamed non-stop. Every time she found herself in a conflict situation that even remotely resembled her father's departure, Jen automatically turned to the only experience of the past she knew. Despite clear evidence to the contrary, she told herself that her husband would eventually leave her, her boss would fire her, and her best friend would abandon their friendship. Time after time, Jen took the position of the abandoned victim. Painful childhood memories kept popping up in my memory, and even an argument unrelated to them developed according to a scenario that was painfully familiar.
Fourth, you instinctively try to alleviate mental anguish. The most effective way to cope with unpleasant emotions is to extract them from the unconscious and honestly, step by step, work through them. But we are afraid to look our pain in the eyes.
Repetition compulsion offers a workaround - it is an attempt to cope with emotions without facing them head on. However, this method is ineffective, since obsessive repetition fetters freedom of action. On the one hand, this behavioral scenario encourages, without thinking, to throw out painful emotions, reliving the situation that originally hurt - in the hope that this time we will be able to “fix” old trauma.
Every time Jen's husband went on business trips, she felt endlessly lonely and, when he returned, she looked for a reason to quarrel with unusual fury, in the secret hope that this time she could emerge victorious. But, of course, the more Jen screamed, the more her husband moved away from her, that is, she herself over and over again provoked his departure, which she feared so much.
On the other hand, with repetition compulsion, we do our best to avoid situations in which repressed emotions can break free.
For example, Jen was vigilant about not being abandoned. Having convinced herself that such a danger was real, she took preemptive measures, moving away before the other party distanced itself from her. The result of such a hasty withdrawal was predictable: her friends felt rejected and left her. In other words, Jen was again reproducing the familiar withdrawal scenario that she had initially tried to take control of.
Although repetition compulsion is very nerve-wracking (you know you're hurting yourself but you can't stop), in some ways the behavior disorder has a good purpose and is essential to the healing process. In this way consciousness asks: “ Do I really want to relive old pain?" Ultimately, it is this question that gives strength to put an end to compulsive repetition.
Obstacles on the path to freedom
With obsessive repetition, a substitution of emotions occurs - instead of reacting to the situation here and now, we turn to a long-standing conflict and feel what we experienced then, in full confidence that the current disagreements are dictated only by current circumstances. The ability to distinguish the past from the present disappears - the “system of feelings” malfunctions, making it impossible to adequately respond to the surrounding reality. We are convinced that our feelings are caused by the current moment, while in fact we are reliving the past.
In response to a threat to identity, anxiety arises - and this is where repetition compulsion comes into play. Its purpose is to reduce tension. It is as if an invisible puppeteer is controlling our emotions while we helplessly watch what is happening. Feelings are perceived as an objective reality beyond our control; they attract us to themselves, like a “fatal flame.”
This is exactly what happened to Jen and Mark. Several times they made an attempt to talk about their problems, listen to each other and discuss options for breaking the impasse, rather than giving in to the usual hostility. But even when it was possible to resolve a dispute amicably, everyone, by their own admission, was drawn to the usual path and a nagging feeling of dissatisfaction remained in their souls, as if they had not completed some task. Obsessive repetition called them back into the vicious circle of well-known words and actions.
How to break free
A quarrel usually breaks out when we feel that we are being treated without due respect (making us experience helplessness, fear of rejection or loss) or, say, a blow to our pride. These emotions are deeply personal and go beyond the current conflict. This is why, regardless of the issues at hand, be it border issues or the budgeting process, one look from above can provoke a strong reaction.
To discover the underlying emotional reason why we conflict, you need to pay attention to the signs of inappropriate behavior that you constantly reproduce in conflict (excessive anger, fear, avoidance) and try to figure out its hidden reasons.
This could be due to fear:
- to be abandoned;
- feel unimportant, worthless;
- feel alienated;
- being in a position where you are looked down upon;
- become dependent;
- lose one's will;
- feel a blow to male pride;
- to be rejected;
- feel empty, worthless;
- to be in subjection;
- get involved in trouble;
- to be used;
- feel helpless;
- become weak;
- feel inadequate;
- feel useless.
Having determined exactly what problem makes you vulnerable and pushes you to attack and defend yourself, try to “take out of the game” extraneous feelings - those generated by the emotional wounds of the past. Imagine that your dispute is a football match and only two teams are allowed on the field: yours and your opponent. If “players from the past” appear - you feel rejected, abandoned, inferior, send them back to the spectators’ bench. They are excluded from today's confrontation. They have the right to observe the game, but not to participate in it.
Jen admitted that she gave in to her fear of abandonment every time Mark went on a business trip and vowed to take better control of herself. Now, as Mark returned home from his trip, both knew they had to work hard to avoid the cycle of contention. Jen subjugated her emotions, separating the pain of the past (her father's departure) from the feeling of complete loneliness during her husband's business trips. Instead of making a scandal, now she said to herself like this: “Mark’s business trips feed our family., she said to herself. - My father leaving is a completely different matter.". Time, patience, and persistent self-improvement helped Jen eliminate the compulsive repetition.
Heal your emotional wounds
Jen found an effective way to cope with the wound of the past: she realized her fear of abandonment and ignored it in arguments with Mark - this is how she managed to escape from the captivity of the compulsion to repeat. But the wound still ached, since Jen still carried a strong feeling of resentment against her father in her soul. To overcome the pain and fully regain control over her feelings, she needed to work through her emotional trauma.
This process requires unyielding will and courage. It can be done with the support of a close friend, a therapist, or even through creative therapy (through journaling, drawing, or playing a musical instrument). If you feel ready to dive into your pain to free yourself from it, here are some tips to get you started.
Step 1: Identify a deeply personal reason that systematically provokes strong emotions, such as fear of rejection, abandonment, or feelings of inferiority.
Step 2: Determine the source of the problem.
When might you have developed a painful reaction to rejection or fear of being subjugated? Start with childhood memories. When did you first start feeling this way? Of course, our vulnerability is not always associated with the early years of life. If you have had to endure the betrayal of your husband or wife, it is not easy to trust someone again.
Step 3: Explore the painful feelings associated with the trauma.
Jen was most tormented by the fear of being abandoned. In conversations with a trusted friend, she began the painful process of opening up the wound in an attempt to understand and accept her feelings. She was afraid to enter this emotional space, so she gave herself permission to go in and out as she pleased. Then she was left alone with her fear of abandonment, listed the main emotions associated with it, and tried to write down the message that each brought to her. She dealt with rage, self-doubt and fear of intimacy, and at the end she was faced with a question full of shame: “Am I worth love?” She kept all these difficult feelings inside her for more than two decades, but now the time has come to shed the emotional burden.
Step 4: Let go of the pain.
This requires willpower and conscious effort. Once you “hear” the pain, you are ready to let it go: it said what it had to say.
Jen realized that she could choose whether to continue to carry the weight of fear of abandonment on her shoulders, and she decided to let it go. The process cost her painful experiences, but brought purification.
Step 5: Turn your wound into a source of strength..
The scars caused by her father's care will remain with Jen forever, despite the fact that she has freed herself from the pain of childhood memories. But she refused to consider herself a victim of the past and rethought her childhood experiences, vowing to always remain a beacon of love for her own family and friends and never abandon a friend or relative in trouble.
Reading time: 3 minutes, 20 seconds
From the article you will learn: five main reasons why husband and wife quarrel; six scenarios of constructive quarrel.
You know, there are those fairy tales with a happy ending, where “they lived happily ever after and died on the same day.” But how exactly they lived, each little girl figures out for herself, and takes as a basis the model of behavior that exists between her parents.
Naturally, all families are different, somewhere there is peace and quiet, love and harmony for years, and somewhere there are quarrels and scandals, where everyone defends their point of view. I asked myself the question of why husband and wife quarrel and what it gives them about 10 years ago. I collected information from acquaintances, friends and colleagues, as well as from professional practice and personal life. As a result, I identified a number of reasons.
Why do husband and wife quarrel?
Reason one: the desire to convey your point of view
Okay, I agree. In family relationships, husband and wife have the same right to their point of view, and when one of them does not listen, does not engage in dialogue, or shows a lack of interest, the other explodes.
Quarrels in the family are an inevitable thing, and in a family with a small child, the causes of quarrels are at every turn. At least that’s what it seems to the tired mother and father, who has not yet gotten used to his new role. To prevent family quarrels from negatively affecting a child’s development, let’s learn how to quarrel correctly.
Quarrel with my husband, story one
We see a young couple cozying up on the living room sofa with their newborn baby. The TV is on, the remote control is in the hands of the husband.
His wife gently says to him, “Honey, could you stop changing channels?” He asks, "Why? I just want to see what's on. Maybe there's a good movie somewhere."
She replies, still softly: "But, honey, this is too exciting for the baby. Let's stick to some gear, shall we?" - “But I don’t like any of them. I want to look for more.” - “Is this so important?” Then she can’t stand it: “That’s it, let’s leave this.” There is tension in the air. Let's see what happens next.
Him: Okay. That's it, okay.
She: You say “okay” in a tone that sounds like you want to say “shut up.”
Him: I didn't say shut up. You're just too nervous.
She: I'm not nervous. I just know that tone of yours. You yell at me as if I am one of your subordinates. I don't like it when people talk to me like that.
Him: I don’t like being nagged either. Leave me alone.
She: Fuck you! If I didn’t nag you, you wouldn’t take my opinion into account at all!
Him: Stop yelling! He also talks about nerves! Can't control yourself?
She: I can’t - with such a cretin like you!
The child begins to fuss.
Him: Look what you've done.
She: You always start. I sit quietly and you explode.
Him: No, you're like a viper. One wrong move and that's it, you bite.
She: How can I not bite someone who is trying to crush me?
The child wrinkles his face, tenses and with a loud cry reports the pain that has gripped him.
How to stop arguing in front of children
Such clashes are not uncommon when you are exhausted and depressed. They start out of nowhere. And they harm everyone, especially when children witness their parents’ quarrels. They watch you, absorbing everything like a sponge.
It is very important that children do not witness our clashes. Children are deeply hurt by parental quarrels that occur before their eyes, especially strong quarrels. Therefore, we propose the following solution.
Install time allotted for discussing problems. Outside of this time, complex issues should not be discussed. It's better to talk about them in private. Some of the couples agree to discuss their complaints and serious topics once a week, at special meetings. Moreover, it is better if each of you comes to such a meeting with one complaint, and not with a whole list.
Don't discuss problems over food. Quarrels over food lead to indigestion and can subsequently cause eating disorders in children.
Small disagreements can be discussed in front of children when they are at least four years old. But even in this case, they should see that you have overcome these differences. Between the ages of four and eight, they love it when we hug or kiss after making up. The rest of the skirmish endings do not leave such a strong impression on them.
You can also say a few words to explain what just happened. For example: “Bobby, tell me what happened now? We were angry with each other, but then we decided to discuss it. I listened to my mother, she listened to me. Therefore, we were able to understand each other. The problem is resolved, we made peace again.”
If you failed to restrain yourself and a major quarrel occurred in front of the child, more effort will be required. The child should be picked up and calmed down. If possible, it is better to keep it between each other - but only if peace has already been established between you. If the tension persists, then it is better to keep the child on the side, at some distance from the second partner.
As children get older, other problems arise. They have fear that their parents are going to divorce. You need to tell them that this is not the case (unless, of course, you actually plan - but that is a separate topic).
The second fear is related to the fact that they - the reason for your quarrel. Young children believe that they are the center of the universe. They think that everything that happens around them must be somehow connected with them. Therefore, you need to tell them that your quarrel has nothing to do with them and that you love them. Explain that all parents argue from time to time because they have different points of view on different things, and that this is normal. And assure them that you will resolve the differences and apologize for upsetting them. Then hug and do everything so that the next conversation does not take place in their presence.
How to argue correctly: story two
The birth of a child does not create new reasons for quarrels. In fact, most of the reasons for mating remain the same - both at twenty and at eighty. But like many, this husband and wife are concerned with how they fight, not why.
This is familiar to most of us. The reason for the quarrel is displaced by our indignation at the attitude towards us. We blame each other for always stirring up conflicts, for tormenting each other with attacks. We complain that we are no longer noticed, that we are suppressed or not considered at all. In other words, we argue about how to dance, and not about what music to choose.
Is it possible to argue differently - based on form and not content? In our study of married couples, we observed a more acceptable development of events. Master couples also quarrel, and for the same reasons, but somehow differently. Softer, more fun and kinder. Even when heated with anger, they choose words that do not so much hurt as help to assert their rights.
Let's imagine what the previous couple's conversation might have looked like if they had been better at resolving conflict.
Her: Honey, could you stop changing channels? This is starting to make my head spin.
Him: Come on, my love... You know that I love to click the remote control. And there are only 128 channels left to check.
She: Okay. I guess I'll go wash the kitchen floor then.
Him: Trying to trap me in a good old fashioned guilt trap, huh?
She: It doesn't work.
Him: Do you really hate it when I change channels?
She: True. My head is already spinning. And this flickering is too exciting. And finally, it's bad for my eyes.
He: Didn't know that. Okay, what if we focus on football?
She: Darling!
Him: Just thought it was worth a try. OK. So what do you want to watch?
Her: How about a channel with old movies? I like melodramas.
Him: Eww.
She: Okay, okay. What then?
Him: I know. That movie with Clint Eastwood on 44.
She: For your sake - anything.
This dialogue contains almost no sharp edges. They complain, but this time without mutual reproaches, criticism and insults. No one takes a defensive position, no one strikes. Everything goes easier and simpler. It's all about their softness and willingness to hear each other, their willingness to dance their tango beautifully.
Do you think this is impossible? How possible! We reviewed the recordings of the conversations of such pair-masters, analyzed what they did - second by second - and the secret of their dance was gradually revealed. They all took the same steps. Even if someone was very angry and made a mistake, he quickly corrected the situation and the dance continued.
