Why do we think about the past? How to change your way of thinking

Stressful events of a negative nature become the point of mental return to the past.

Getting into such a circle, a person quickly finds himself in an emotional stupor, limiting even the possibility of receiving positive emotions. The personality acquires a psychological attitude towards constant failures, becomes passive, pushing away any changes in the current situation.

The reason for the desire to constantly relive the past is the loss of a relationship, a person, a favorite activity. There are 2 ways memory works when constantly replaying the past:

• reproduction of positive emotions and joyful memories, moments of greatest happiness;
• experiencing the most tragic and painful moments.

The first step in the fight to return to the present is to recognize the problem.

Something should appear in the present that holds attention and distracts the work of the brain.

Experienced events need to be viewed from a different angle, as if from the outside.

Problems of returning to normal life

When living in the past, a person falls into constant depression, which is why he loses the very desire to move on, living every day like the previous one.

Real action

You can do without the help of a psychologist by replacing it with communication with friends. It is important to choose someone who knows how to listen. During the story, a line of events unfolding over time is formed. This helps to understand the flow of events and leads to their completion. You should not drink large amounts of alcohol while talking. The slight relaxing effect of sedatives or 50 grams of wine are acceptable stimulants for an important conversation. Dousing the problem with alcohol will only aggravate the depressive state.

Changes in daily routine, place of residence, and type of occupation occupy the brain with new sensations, erasing the severity of the previous ones.

It is necessary to realize that causing constant suffering to yourself and others will not change what happened. One of the most important points in getting out of a situation is to fully accept what happened. A person stops recalling problematic situation with attempts to change it.

Everyone experiences losses in life, and they are difficult to accept. Many people can advise

How to let go of the past

• availability of support from a loved one;
• changing one’s own attitude towards the experienced event;
• maximum saturation of real time with interesting events;
• presence of responsibility;
• permanent employment.
• It is necessary to get rid of what brings the greatest pain: hide photos or remove memorable gifts. It wouldn't hurt to change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe, or expand your circle of acquaintances.

It is easier to make the transition to the present in leaps and bounds; this allows you to block traumatic memories in separate area cerebral cortex. It is important to understand your own insignificance in what happened. The unpleasant event that caused the stress disorder of consciousness must be separated from oneself. Events do not happen out of spite or to test someone’s strength; the passage of time does not stop even after the most horrifying events.

An important component for getting rid of the past is the awareness of one’s own relevance and irreplaceability. We need an object of care, a pet or a friend. It’s good to do charity work at such a moment - visiting orphanages, caring for the elderly, helping the lonely makes you believe in your own strength and forget about the past.

It is impossible to escape the past, but it is quite possible to move on. You will need desire, willpower, true friend, a fascinating hobby, the ability to look at oneself from the outside, a healthy dose of fatalism and a point of application of strength. All the components are available, you just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to correct what happened. Energy should be directed towards helping those who are even worse off. By helping others, a person himself does not notice how he ceases to need help.

Watching the same movie every day, always listening to the same song, reading only one book - do you often get stuck?

Women love to reflect. It’s very convenient to feel sorry for yourself when things aren’t going well with the present, and happiness just doesn’t fall from the sky. The question is not when it was better: before or now!

By endlessly nostalgic, you betray yourself and lose the opportunity to live on. And more often than not, all this nostalgia comes full circle, turning into an interesting game.

In your relationship with Artem, you miss Oleg, with Vadim you dream of Max, and with Oleg you thought how good it was with Misha.

Let me guess, it wasn’t possible to create full-fledged ones with any of them? Confess in the comments.

How to stop poking around in the past and start living? To begin with, it’s not easy to work hard, but you will be satisfied with the results. So, let's go and don't look back!

Mind games

Understand, memory is very selective and only your view of what happened or what seemed to you (in every sense of the word).

She distorts information if it is related to the wrong best experience and emotions. And it adds color if you were happy then, but not so much now.

The likelihood that the past will seem more beautiful than it actually was increases significantly.

And even if you really were happier than now, would you really agree to never have new bright moments again?

There is no Santa Claus!

Do you remember how in childhood any holiday became a fairy tale? Most likely, magic for you is your parents, grandparents, uncles or aunts.

As you grow older, this feeling becomes dull or disappears altogether.

Your adult brain already understands how much effort you need to put into this holiday and is trying to evaluate its feasibility.

There is no smell of magic anymore. Anxious waiting meets boring gatherings with the same conversations, people and gifts that you really never dreamed of.

Changing this is quite simple: you need to take responsibility for your life and organize a holiday yourself. In the life of a self-sufficient woman, wishes come true in the most suitable way for her. And they often participate in this

“I can’t forget” and “I want it back”

Remembering your ex in a new relationship is like standing at a green light when everyone is ready to move forward.

Of course, you can try if you are sure that you yourself have changed in better side and is ready to build something qualitatively new (and he is not against it at all).

This will work if you admit your mistakes and don't hold grudges against him. Otherwise, there is no need to raise walls from the ashes.

How to free yourself from obsessive thoughts about him?

1. Clean inside. Finally express everything that has accumulated. Write down your thoughts and emotions on paper and then burn them. Give yourself permission to be angry with him. If you want, break the dishes, throw away his gifts.

2. Clean outside. What else do you keep? Gigabytes joint photos, sleep in his T-shirt, stuffed bunny?

It's time to get rid of all the treasures! Yes, yes, and from the hare too!

Set the course

Uncertainty often causes more fear than real life moments. You seem to be marking time, afraid to take a step. Come on, decide where you're going.

At least write down long-term and short-term goals on a piece of paper, break them down into small steps and move towards them.

In fact, the past influences your life only to the extent that you allow it to.

Surely you have at least once heard the phrase “stop moping, better deal get busy." Of course, this is a proposal from the category of “advise your own advice to yourself,” but there is a rational grain in it.

Women tend to have their head in the clouds and become fixated. Therefore, it may be useful to ground yourself and keep yourself busy: new job, hobby, small women's business so that there is no time to think about stupid things.

To escape from the mental process, you need to switch to the physical. This will be the notorious “here and now”.

With faith in you
Yaroslav Samoilov.

Every day gives a person new sensations and memories. But it happens that the past holds tightly to those who are afraid to move forward and always look back. Time continues its course: the future becomes the present, and the present smoothly passes into the past. But what stops people living in the past from moving on?

Memories

There are things in everyone's life that they cannot forget. While some memories are easily forgotten, others remain in the memory for a long time, preventing a person from letting go of the past. Why? Everyone, without exception, remembers those events that are accompanied by strong emotions. They settle in the memory for a long time and pull down. But even the most negative emotions are eventually replaced by warm memories. In this case, the best medicine is time. You just need to wait a certain period of time until the unpleasant event begins to disappear from consciousness.

Fear of the present

It happens that a person does not want to change anything and continues to cling to the past. What is the reason? The past is familiar because it has already been experienced. Fear of the unknown pushes us to live every new day like yesterday. And then there is no present if a person continues to hold on to the past! Therefore, the past cannot be allowed to create the future. This is what will happen main goal present. You need to understand that a new day is beautiful because it is unique. Under no circumstances should you live it the same way. Changes are not so scary if you remember that they make life brighter, replenishing it with new warm memories. And they, in turn, help to let go of the past.

How to forget?

It is impossible to force the brain to forget certain incidents. Conscious attempts to get rid of intrusive memories lead to them becoming even more embedded in the memory. You can't run away from yourself. Experienced feelings prevent you from living and enjoying the present, and it is extremely difficult to suppress them. But we must remember that the past is an invaluable experience. It is given to learn from mistakes now and not repeat them in the future. If a person learns to use the experience gained wisely, he will be able to get rid of the shackles of the past and enjoy the fleeting nature of the present.

Absolutely everyone has memories associated with certain places or people. Walking past the park, memories arise in your head - sometimes not the most pleasant ones - and it’s difficult to let them go. As long as this place remains nearby, getting rid of them will be a serious problem. In this case, you need to avoid such places so as not to provoke a new influx of experienced emotions. And people associated with past events must be forgiven. No matter what they did, no matter how close they were, they must be forgiven. If you stop thinking about them, the emotional connection will weaken, and the person suffering from the consequences of the past will be able to forget them and move forward.

Let go

No matter how valuable the memories are, they must be let go. This is not easy and not everyone succeeds, because parting with the past is very bitter and difficult. The very first step is the most difficult, but this small step is the basis of victory. Victory over yourself and your fears. You can’t keep thoughts about your past forever. They will be layered and become an unbearable burden that will pull you down like an anchor. You need to let go of the past and accept the present as it is.

In conclusion, it must be said that a person who has managed to free himself from the tenacious embrace of the past is a strong and strong-willed person. Not everyone will be able to forget and part with their memories, much less let them go. But the one who was able to stop living in the past will begin to live with clean slate as a free person.

“He who controls the past controls the future,” says the famous dystopia. This is true not only of political regimes, but also of the destinies of individuals. The way you perceive your past affects the state of affairs in the present and, as a result, the choice of path you take. Often people cannot cope with sad thoughts about the humiliations and insults that they had to endure years ago. If they cannot control these involuntary thoughts, they will not be able to move forward. Here are some ways to gain control over your thoughts about past troubles.

Become fatalistic about the past

People who are fixated on past mistakes often blame themselves for not being insightful or strong enough to change jobs, move to another city, or leave a stale relationship, and as a result, they wasted years and missed out on the many opportunities that were offered to them. fate. You can get rid of such self-recrimination by changing your attitude towards your role in past failures. Understand that your behavior at one time or another was the result of a unique combination of circumstances, your beliefs about the world, and the character traits that distinguished you at that time.

It’s easier to think that you couldn’t change anything then, because now the past really cannot be corrected

You will see that you were not the master of the situation, but to some extent its hostage: everything happened as it should have happened. Start thinking about the past in exactly this way and sooner or later you will feel relief: it is easier to think that you could not change anything then, because now the past really cannot be corrected.

Understand: the past is the teacher

Any situation, no matter how badly it ends and no matter how harmful the consequences it has on your life, should be a lesson for you. Having parted with your loved one due to a bad decision, you have learned to appreciate those who are dear to you - and perhaps this is what will help you avoid making another mistake in the future. After spending several years indulging in your bad habits, you have established exactly what you need to get rid of in yourself.

Even if you lost a leg or an arm during an accident in which you got into because of your own stupidity, you gained some experience from this sad situation. And don’t rush to say that it is useless. Who knows, if not for this accident, perhaps your willingness to take risks could have cost you your life, not just your health. The past is given to teach us not to repeat past mistakes and not to make those that are truly fatal.

Fix what can be fixed

The past exists only in its consequences. If you manage to eliminate most of them, you will be able to forget that you once did many things that you had to regret. Have you lost several years of your life that could have been spent on professional growth? Achieve more in the years you have!

Most of the omissions made earlier can be compensated for by new achievements. If you see that, despite all the difficulties, you managed to climb out of the hole in which you found yourself, the burden of the past will no longer pull you back.

Learn to perceive your “past self” as a different person

None of us are angels or prophets. What would anyone else do in your place? For example, would most of your friends be able to cope with a problem that you once gave up on? Would they be able to escape the toxic relationship?

Even serious crimes have a statute of limitations - why don’t you want to recognize such a right?

Think of yourself as an outsider. In a sense, this is true: you, as you were ten years ago, are in many ways completely different from you current person. Look at the “past self” from the outside - did this person have a chance to avoid what he had to face? I think no.

By thinking of yourself as an outsider, you will sooner or later be able to translate painful thoughts about the past into the category of theoretical reflections about the possibilities of some abstract individual.

Forgive yourself and others

After all, what have you done to torment yourself every day for it? Have you destroyed unarmed citizens with phosphorus bombs? Caused the sinking of the Titanic? Compared to truly tragic events - disasters, epidemics - the consequences of your actions are truly insignificant. Is it worth torturing yourself for such minor sins?

Even serious crimes punishable by the Criminal Code have a statute of limitations - why don’t you want to recognize such a right? Important point: You must forgive not only yourself, but also others involved in your past. Sometimes we hate those who, it seems to us, have negatively influenced our destiny. Convince yourself that everyone will get what they deserve - if you were truly treated badly, the villain will sooner or later face just retribution - it will be too generous of you to devote so much thought and effort to him. Or maybe those whom you blame for the offense inflicted on you were also hostages of the situation and could not do otherwise.

If you stop thinking about those who once hurt you, the emotional connection with images of them will weaken, and this will allow you to forget about the traumatic circumstances of the past.

The older a person is, the less future he has left and the more often he plunges into memories. He gets the impression that it is too late to make plans, think about prospects, hope for something good. And the strength is no longer the same. The world narrows to the limits, and even that gradually becomes smaller and is soon limited to the sofa.

The future is scary - it sees only illnesses and senile infirmities, the present is incomprehensible and uninteresting, and the past is idealized, even if everything was not as prosperous there as it seems now. The food was tastier, the people were kinder, the women were more modest, and life was more fun.

Children don’t think about the past, because they have almost no past, but what lies ahead is whole life, filled with exciting events and discoveries! They live not for yesterday, but for tomorrow, they are focused on the future and think that they can handle everything. “When I grow up, I become a racer, a president, I fly into space,” “When I’m big and start earning a lot, I’ll buy you houses in different countries", they promise.

But not everyone has enough energy, strength and abilities. Expectations are not met, desires are replaced by disappointment and dissatisfaction with oneself and the world. And then the person plunges into the past, trying to understand where he made a mistake, what he did wrong. And it would be good if it were just an analysis of errors so as not to step on the same rake a second time. No, self-examination, regret and self-criticism begin, like: “I should have listened to myself, and not to my mother, Ira, Petya” or “Why did I marry Kolya, I should have listened to Yura.” These internal monologues, conversations with yourself are fruitless, they do not change anything. Instead of directing his energy to solving the problem, a person spends time chewing on the same thing.

Infantile people also live in the past. Once upon a time, parents made decisions for them, they also took responsibility, and they also determined life path. The firm parental hand that guided them through life is gone, and it is no longer clear what to do and where to go. It is better to immerse yourself in memories of your former carefree life than to take on today's worries and think about the future.

The past does not let go of those who feel guilty for a bad deed, committed voluntarily or unwittingly. Conscientious people with vulnerable psyches are especially worried about this. Mentally returning to the past, they replay the situation again and again, punish themselves, and ask for forgiveness. These trips to the past bring them painful pleasure and become necessary.

Even people who have experienced a breakup do not want to part with thoughts about the past. , my beloved abandoned me - my life is over, there is no future. A person remembers again and again how good they were together, mentally reliving old feelings for the hundredth time. As before, the hormone of happiness begins to be released into the blood, and memories become a drug, a kind of doping, without which life is a boring black and white movie.

Often we return to the past because of an unfinished action. “A smart thought comes later,” people say. “Why didn’t I say this, why didn’t I do that?” - we ask ourselves, subconsciously trying to influence the past and change it. We mentally replay a conversation or situation that has already taken place several times, editing our behavior and choosing more appropriate words.

Why don’t psychologists advise delving into the past? The answer is obvious: by living in the past, we rob ourselves of the present. When we go into memories, we do not notice what is happening around us, and we voluntarily give up the emotions that we could experience today.

“The past is gone, it no longer exists. He who lives in the past feeds on illusions,” they say. In the words of , “Looking back is only necessary to learn from past mistakes and benefit from dearly purchased experience.”

Life can be compared to a game of chess. What's the point of regretting moves already made and pieces that have played their role and dropped out of the game? Let us not forget that someday we will find ourselves in their place.

“Why live in the past when you have the present?” asks American writer Nicholas Sparks in the novel Message from a Bottle.

How to learn to live in the present moment

1. Looking for motivation

People living in the past lack the means to achieve them. Let's think about this: what else would we like to do in this life? Motivation must be very attractive, because most goals are not achieved precisely because of insufficient motivation. When we begin to take concrete steps towards an alluring goal, we simply will not have time for useless memories.

But first you need to understand that desire, dream and goal are... different concepts. Desires and dreams usually remain just desires and dreams, but the goal presupposes clearly defined actions on the way to it. For this purpose, a tree of goals is compiled.

But, of course, the driving force must be a strong motivation - so attractive that it distracts us from thoughts about the past.

2. We live here and now

We must make the phrase “Here and now!” the main principle of our life. Those who are especially forgetful can make themselves a poster and hang it in a visible place. As soon as thoughts begin to run into the past, we remind ourselves: “I want to be happy here and now!”

As he wrote, life will turn into a real holiday when there is nothing in it except the present.

3. We perform rituals that will help us say goodbye to the past.

For example:

1. We get rid of things that remind us of a person whom it is time to forget;
2. When uninvited memories come flooding back, we open the tap with water and imagine how they float away with it. We close the tap - we block the way to memories;
3. We describe our emotions associated with the past, which do not leave us and give us no peace, on paper, and then burn it, imagining how they all disappear with the smoke.

4. Ending the relationship

We tend to idealize the past. We remember old acquaintances, classmates, fellow students, and these memories are touching and sentimental. We mentally carry on conversations with them, as if they have not changed at all over the years, and wish for a meeting: we want to tell someone what we once kept silent about, to prove to someone that he has lost a lot by abandoning us, to whom - to show off how beautiful swan became a gray mouse. Our minds are filled with visions from the past.

We look for past acquaintances on social networks, arrange a meeting or a conversation on Skype - and now we see in front of us a complete stranger, very far from the image we have. The first joyful minutes give way to the understanding that, in general, neither we are interesting to him, nor he is to us.

“Don’t meet your first love, let it remain like this - acute happiness, or acute pain, or a song that fell silent across the river,” wrote the poetess Yulia Drunina. “...Don’t reach for the past, don’t - everything will seem different now...”

But this meeting was not useless. We completed unfinished relationships, got rid of illusions, breathed a sigh of relief, found inner peace and began to appreciate those who are now next to us more.

5. Let's talk it out

The past can be let go if you don't keep it to yourself. Let's talk about what torments and won't leave alone to a close friend or girlfriend. If there is no one nearby, we’ll just say the painful thing out loud, alone with ourselves - once, twice, three times. And by the fourth or fifth, we ourselves will no longer want to return to the past.

6. Visualize

Another way to complete an unfinished action is a situation that worries us again, only “with a happy ending.” Like in a movie, let’s rewind the imaginary film and play the situation in our favor: we’ll say what we didn’t say, and we’ll do what we didn’t do.

This method is suitable for people with a developed imagination, who can easily recall the desired picture in their memory, be imbued with past emotions and convince themselves of the “correct” option.

7. Start the day with gratitude

French realist writer Gustave Flaubert said that because of the past, which grabs hold of us and does not let go, the present slips away. Let's focus on the present, because otherwise life itself will elude us. Let's start the day not with memories, but with thoughts about what today will make us happy, about the people who love us and who need our love, and with the fact that we have them.