Once again I want to turn to our lovely ladies and discuss the issue of aggressive behavior of men. For what? On the one hand, things have already boiled over, and I have long wanted to speak on this topic. On the other hand, day after day I am convinced that girls do not understand one obvious truth, moreover, the truth on which their own happiness depends.
What do I mean by an aggressive man and by aggressive male behavior? In general, the same as many of my compatriots. In our Western world, imbued with tolerance and diplomacy, everything is considered aggression, from open physical conflict to... persistent defense of one’s own interests. And, naturally, all this is “bad”. We were taught from childhood that well-mannered boys are never rude to their elders, are not rude to teachers, do not offend girls, and do not fight with boys. As a last resort, they give back. Therefore, displaying aggression is considered bad manners. And that’s why we have more than one generation of weakened, infantile and irresponsible men. But that’s not what we’re talking about now... The point is that in certain situations boys should show aggression, but they are taught not to do this under any circumstances.
As a result, rare in our time, guys with a “little animal” who have retained the ability to be aggressive, Every now and then they hear perplexed exclamations from their women: “Sasha, why are you using force?” or “Seryozha, why are you angry with me and shouting when I...?” or “I’m already afraid of you! I have a feeling that you’re about to tear me to pieces…” - and that’s the right feeling:))) And, finally, an example of a phrase that floored me. She referred to the manifestation (quite fair) of a man’s aggression towards another man, which the girl witnessed. As a result, something like “I don’t like your aggression, I don’t want an aggressive man next to me” came out of the girl’s mouth.
Dear, sweet, beautiful, beautiful and inspiring women to our deeds and life in general! I love you very much, respect and admire your femininity... But! I am forced to admit that many of you tend to live by the principle “eat the fish and keep the sheep safe.” Of course, not only women live this way, and not all women do, and not always. But if you do not accept his aggression in a man, you are already trying to eat that same fish...
Enough preamble, let's get to the bottom of this. First, we will discuss the manifestation of aggression by a man in general, and then - towards a woman.
You feel protected next to a real man
Many women answer the question “who is for you? a real man“They answer: “the one with whom I feel protected.” Absolutely, fair. Here my male view completely coincides with the female one. It is clear that this is not the only thing that determines a man’s “realness,” but it is one of the main indicators.
Let’s discard religious “superstitions” and esoteric pseudoscience and turn to Darwinian evolutionists and ethologists. According to the concept of evolution, the way of life of the primitive human pack was forced to be like this: women and children were in a safe and “well-fed” place, and men “at the front” protected this place from enemies, predators, and also provided families with food and other necessary resources.
Hence the instinctive need for a man with whom “you feel protected and relaxed.”
The defender is dangerous and aggressive
So, the basic natural functionality of a man is to ensure the safety of a woman. This is why you feel protected next to a real man; a real man simply radiates it. Now let’s ask ourselves the following questions: who is capable of ensuring security? What qualities does a man need to have in order to provide her? It's probably already clear what I'm getting at.
Only a person who is capable of being DANGEROUS can ensure safety.
I hope this is obvious and won't go into detail here. Go ahead. The danger is created, firstly, by armament. This can be literal armament - the presence of a pistol, knife or other means of self-defense, or a person himself can be a weapon - possess hand-to-hand combat skills. Secondly, being armed, a person must be ready to use this weapon. In other words, a man must be mentally ready to show aggression, and for this he must initially be aggressive. I would like to emphasize that an aggressive man is not the one who constantly tears and rushes, but the one who sometimes, on the right occasion, can manifest it, “turn it on.” Let us remember the famous image of the king of beasts - the lion. There is no doubt that this animal is aggressive. But manifestations of aggression on his part can be seen quite rarely. Most of the time, the Leo is calm and displays aggression based on the principle of reasonable sufficiency.
A man’s ability to show aggression is akin to knowing a foreign language.. A Russian person lives among Russians, works in Russian company, communicates in Russian. But suddenly a foreigner approached him on the street with a request to show him the way to... And the Russian answers in English, since he taught it both at school and at the institute. The ability to speak English is one of the skills that is used for its intended purpose in a certain situation, and this does not mean at all that a person trains his “English” day and night. The manifestation of aggression is similar, only its manifestation is an innate ability, and foreign language- acquired. But the very fact of having the ability is important, because its absence makes a male defender defenseless in certain life situations.
So, girls, if a man is not able to show aggression, he will not be able to protect himself, nor you, nor your children, nor the Motherland.
Once on a forum on the Internet I saw such a laconic comment on this matter:
A man without aggression is a dead-end branch of evolution.
Well, I have nothing to add :))
Aggression has many manifestations, it can be controlled and uncontrollable, destructive and healthy, direct and indirect, internal and external, verbal and physical, etc. Psychologists note the duality of aggression: it is both a negative, destructive manifestation of a person, and a central function of the individual, aimed at adapting to living conditions.
I’m talking about the second option, I’ll repeat it in big bold letters:
AGGRESSION IS THE CENTRAL FUNCTION OF THE PERSONALITY, AIMED AT ADAPTING TO LIFE CONDITIONS.
I mean a controlled and dosed manifestation of aggression (initially, verbal and, in extreme cases, physical) in conflict situations, aimed at PROTECTING life, health, property or defending one’s rights, maintaining the independence and autonomy of one’s personality. If you are interested in this topic, if your educators have taught you since childhood that aggression is bad and shameful, I recommend reading a book that has two versions of the title: “Aggression” or “So-Called Evil,” by Konrad Lorenz.
People have poor control over negative emotions. Anger is looking for a way out. And he finds it. The person seems to have said a simple phrase in a calm tone, and you are angry. Sound familiar? This is your reaction to hidden aggression.
The essence of such behavior by the opponent is suppression. There is still irritation, but in a socially acceptable form. This is a conflict, albeit a hidden one. In this case, the interlocutor cannot give a substantive answer and feels stupid.
1. "I'm not angry"
Instead of being honest about their feelings and explaining them, the person will claim that they are not angry at all. Although everything is bubbling inside, and this will be expressed in attitude.
2. “As you say”
Sulking and avoiding the direct is a classic. The interlocutor does not explain what he does not like and does not give arguments. He withdraws and pretends to agree. Thus the door to dialogue is closed.
3. “Yes, I’m on my way!”
Try, for example, calling your child to clean the room, do homework, or wash the dishes. How many times will he need to be called? And in what tone will he say “I’m coming” for the tenth time? However, not only children, but also adults do this if they don’t feel like doing something.
4. "I didn't know"
This is a favorite phrase. If you ask him whether he completed the task, the excuse will be standard: “I didn’t know what was needed now.” It becomes clear: the person does not like the request. But he does not talk about it, but prefers to postpone it. And that definitely makes him angry.
5. “You want everything to be perfect.”
When constant procrastination no longer works, a person finds another option - to blame the one who gave the task. The student did not have time to do his homework - the teacher is to blame for asking too much. The employee has exceeded the project's funds limit - the employer is to blame, who demands great results for that kind of money.
6. “I thought you knew.”
With the help of this phrase, a person expresses hidden aggression, removing himself. Usually petty miscreants or schemers do this. Don't show the letter, don't talk about the call - everything from this series. A conflict occurred, but it turns out that you should have known about the annoying little thing that caused it. How did you not know? And I thought you knew...
7. “Of course, I would be happy to help, but”
Meet the motto of service personnel, telephone operators and civil servants. They can smile at you as much as they want. The more you insist on urgency, the further the solution to the issue will be pushed back. To the point that your papers may end up in trash can marked “Refuse”. Surely those people who have submitted documents for a visa or to the passport office at least once will understand what we are talking about.
8. “You did everything so well for a person of your level.”
Such phrases can be classified as dubious compliments. It’s like telling a plump lady something like: “Don’t worry, you’ll get married. Some men like them chubby.” Typically, such sayings relate to age, education and weight. They are said by those who want to offend or do not think about yours. And bribes from them are smooth, it’s actually a compliment!
9. “I was only joking”
Sarcasm is another way to covertly express your aggression. You can say something nasty, and then immediately backtrack: “Well, I was only joking!” Any harsh answer can easily be turned against again, saying that the interlocutor simply does not have a sense of humor. Don't you understand jokes?
10. “Why are you so upset?”
After a ridiculous joke, your opponent may ask with feigned bewilderment why you are so upset. Thus, he gets an implicit pleasure from throwing you off balance again.
If you feel that they are trying to anger you with such phrases, do not react to them, this is a provocation. There's no need to feed the trolls.
There is such knowledge that is vitally necessary. As long as a person does not have an idea of some phenomenon, as long as he lacks a conceptual apparatus, the phenomenon can happen to him, but there will be no understanding of what is happening. Knowledge about manipulation and passive aggression is vital necessary knowledge, which should be taught even to children. I highly recommend books: George Simon "Who's in Sheep's Clothing?" and Albert Bernstein's Emotional Vampires.
"Manipulators are the type of people who are willing to make any effort to achieve their goal, but do everything possible to hide their aggressive intentions.[...]
When emotional suffering causes victims of hidden aggression to seek help for the first time, they usually have little idea why they feel so bad: they simply feel confused, anxious or depressed. However, gradually they come to understand that the presence of a certain person in their life is driving them crazy. They don't trust this person, but they can't explain why. They are angry with him, but at the same time they themselves feel guilty. They try to conflict with him because of his behavior, but ultimately they themselves find themselves on the defensive. People feel depressed and desperate because they make concessions when they intended to insist, and they say “yes” when they want to say “no,” and all attempts to change the situation are in vain. Contact with such a person always leaves them with a feeling of confusion, a feeling that they have been used. [...]
Hidden and passive aggression
Passive aggression
, as the phrase itself implies, is aggression in inaction. Examples of passive aggression include various ways of taking emotional “revenge” on another person - refusing to cooperate with him, boycotting, showing resentment and dissatisfaction, complaining and whining, deliberately “forgetting” because you are angry or do not consider yourself obligated to cooperate, etc.
Hidden aggression, on the contrary, is very active, although it looks veiled. When someone acts covertly aggressive, they use calculated and cunning ways to get their way or get a desired reaction, but at the same time skillfully hide their intentions. [....]
It is extremely important to learn to see the inherent aggressiveness in manipulative behavior and to recognize the clever techniques with which manipulators direct their aggression in our direction. [...]
We are pre-programmed to believe that problem behavior It manifests itself only when a storm of emotions is raging inside a person or he is seriously alarmed by something. We were taught that people only act aggressively in response to some form of attack. Therefore, even when our instinct tells us that someone is attacking us for no good reason, simply trying to get the better of us, we are not ready to heed the warnings of our inner voice. As a rule, we are puzzled, trying to understand what has annoyed this person so much, forcing him to act so unbalanced. We immerse ourselves in analyzing the situation instead of simply responding to an attack. It almost never occurs to us that this may simply be a person’s desire to win what he needs, to insist on his own, or to become the master of the situation. And when we see him first and foremost as a victim, we get stuck trying to understand him instead of taking care of ourselves.[...]
How to recognize manipulation and control techniques *
Understatement.
This technique is a unique fusion of denial and rationalization. With its help, the aggressor tries to convince others that his behavior is not as harmful and irresponsible as someone might think. This is an attempt to make a molehill out of an elephant. Understatement clearly highlights the difference between a neurotic and a character disordered person. A neurotic often makes a mountain out of a molehill, that is, he “catastrophizes” what is happening. An individual with character disorders often seeks to present his wrongful actions as something insignificant. The purpose of this technique is to make the person who is trying to resist the manipulator consider his criticism too harsh and exaggerated, and his assessment of the situation as unfair. Minimizing is not so much a way of reassuring yourself about your own behavior as it is a way of manipulating your impression of that behavior. They don't want you to see them as outright scoundrels. It is important to remember that they themselves are quite happy with their aggressive behavior, so the main task here is to convince you that there is nothing reprehensible in their behavior.
Lie.
Manipulators and other individuals with character disorders have refined lies to the point of high art.. It is important to remember that individuals with character disorders often lie, sometimes simply out of sport, and do it willingly even when it would be entirely possible to get by with the truth. Lies by omission- a very elusive type of lie used by manipulators. The same can be said about lie by distortion. The manipulator withholds an important part of the truth or distorts some essential elements in order to leave you in the dark. One of the most subtle types of distortion is vagueness. This is a favorite tactic of manipulators. They carefully craft the story to make it seem like you have the information, but at the same time omit important details, which would allow you to restore the whole picture.
Negation.
Denial is the abuser's refusal to acknowledge harmful or hurtful actions that he has clearly committed. Thus, he lies (both to himself and to others) about his aggressive intentions. Reception "Who am I?!" makes the victim, who is trying to resist the aggressor, doubt the validity of his actions. In addition, the aggressor thereby gives himself permission to continue in the same spirit. The manipulative technique of denial is a maneuver through which the aggressor forces those around him to stop, retreat, and perhaps even blame himself for injustice.
Selective inattention.
The aggressor ignores warnings, requests, desires of others and, more broadly speaking, everything that can distract him from the implementation of his intentions. Using the “I don’t want to hear about it!” technique, the aggressor, as a rule, knows perfectly well what you need from him. With this technique, he actively resists attempts to attract his attention and force him to refrain from behavior that needs correction.
Rationalization.
Rationalization is the bully's attempt to justify behavior that he knows was inappropriate and harmful. This technique can be very effective, especially if the explanation or justification sounds meaningful enough for any decent person to believe it. Rationalization not only removes internal obstacles, muffling the remorse that the aggressor might have, but also allows him to avoid accusations from other people. If the aggressor manages to convince you that his actions are justified, this frees his hands and allows him to continue moving towards his goal without interference.
Evasion.
A moving target is more difficult to hit. When we try to push the manipulator to the wall, or keep the discussion on something that does not suit us, he brilliantly changes the subject, evades and fusses. Magicians have long known that if you distract the viewer's attention, you can completely unnoticed hide something in your pocket or remove it from there. Manipulators use distraction and evasion techniques to confuse us, preventing us from focusing on their behavior and calmly continuing with their hidden intentions. Sometimes this happens subtly. You can argue with a manipulator on a very important issue, and a minute later catch yourself inexplicably slipping into a discussion of a completely different topic.
Prevarication.
With the help of this technique, closely related to evasion, the manipulator tries not to allow himself to be driven into a corner by giving random answers to a direct question or otherwise obfuscating the topic. An implicit but effective option for prevarication is deliberate vagueness. Hidden-aggressive individuals masterfully give vague answers to simple, “head-on” questions. Here you need to keep your eyes open: sometimes the vagueness is not obvious, and you think that you have received the answer, although this is not the case.
Hidden threat.
Aggressors often threaten their victims to maintain a state of anxiety, intimidation, and compliance. They put forward counter-arguments with such force and passion that they force their opponents to go on the defensive. As for covertly aggressive individuals, they intimidate their victims mainly veiled threats. This allows you to force others to defend themselves without openly threatening or demonstrating obvious hostility. For covertly aggressive individuals, it is important to get their way while saving face.
Inducing feelings of guilt.
This is one of the two favorite techniques in the arsenal of hidden aggressive individuals (the second is an appeal to conscience). This is a special type of intimidation. Aggressive individuals know very well that other people (especially neurotics) are very different from them in the structure of their conscience. They also know that a full-fledged conscience is accompanied by a developed ability to experience shame and guilt. Manipulators masterfully use their knowledge to present themselves as more respectable than the victim and thereby drive him into a subordinate position, causing him to worry and doubt himself. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon.
Aggressive personalities of all stripes often and effectively use guilt pressure for manipulation, which serves as an excellent illustration of the fundamental differences in character between them and all other personality types (especially neurotics). The manipulator only needs to hint to a conscientious person that he is not caring enough, too selfish, etc., and the victim immediately begins to feel terrible. On the contrary, a conscientious person can try until he is blue in the face to make the manipulator (or an aggressive person, or a person with a character disorder) feel remorse, admit the wrongfulness of his actions, take responsibility - everything will be in vain.
Reproach, or appeal to conscience.
It is a way of reinforcing another person's self-doubt or fear through subtle sarcasm and derogatory criticism. Covert-aggressive individuals use this technique to make the enemy feel inferior, unworthy, and ultimately make concessions. This good way form a weak side an inescapable feeling of inferiority, which allows the aggressor to maintain a dominant position for as long as desired.
Hidden-aggressive individuals skillfully use appeals to conscience in its most subtle form. Sometimes this technique slips through only in a glance or intonation. Through rhetorical remarks, subtle sarcasm, and other methods, they can make you feel searing shame for even attempting to challenge them.
Playing the role of the victim.
The essence of this technique is to present yourself as a victim of circumstances or someone else's actions in order to evoke sympathy, arouse pity and thereby receive something from others. One of the principles that covertly aggressive individuals rely on is that less hostile and insensitive people usually cannot bear to watch someone suffer. So, this technique is very simple: convince your victim that you are suffering in one way or another, and he will try to alleviate your suffering. The ease with which one can play on the sympathy of conscientious, sensitive, caring people is their weakness.
Denigration of the victim.
This technique is often used in conjunction with playing the role of the victim. The aggressor uses it to pretend that he is only responding to aggression from the true victim - that is, defending himself. This helps the aggressor force the victim to defend himself. The technique of denigrating the victim is the most powerful tool for making someone unconsciously defensive and at the same time masking their own aggressive intentions and actions.
Disguise as service.
Covert-aggressive individuals use this technique to hide selfish plans under the guise of serving a noble goal. This is a common, but difficult to recognize tactic. Under the guise of hard work for the benefit of others, covertly aggressive individuals smuggle in their own ambition, lust for power and desire to occupy a dominant position.
Projecting guilt (blaming others).
Aggressive individuals are always looking for ways to shift responsibility for their aggressive behavior onto others. Covert-aggressive individuals are not only excellent at finding scapegoats, but they do it so subtly that it is difficult to catch them by the hand.
Ostentatious innocence.
The manipulator demonstrates ostentatious innocence when he tries to convince you that any damage he caused was accidental or that he did not do what he is accused of. This technique is designed to make you doubt your assessment of the situation and perhaps even your sanity. Sometimes this tactic is so subtle that it appears only as an expression of surprise or indignation on the manipulator's face at the moment when he confronts you. But even the facial expression is designed to make you wonder, in hindsight, whether you were right to point out this person's bad behavior.
Displayed ignorance or embarrassment.
This technique is closely related to ostentatious innocence and looks like this: the manipulator acts as if he is aware of what you are talking about, or is confused by what you are talking about. important issue, to which you are trying to attract his attention. Thus, the manipulator is “playing the fool”, trying to force you to doubt your sanity. All types of individuals with character disorders tend to resort to ostentatious ignorance or embarrassment. This is very effective way veil your malicious intent. Remember that all individuals with character disorders (and especially aggressive individuals) are very purposeful individuals who strive to achieve their intentions at all costs and use the described techniques consciously, prudently and intentionally. Although they will often claim that they “don’t know” what you mean when you make these claims, or “don’t understand at all” why they did something you found offensive, it’s important not to fall for this ploy of perceived ignorance.
Demonstrative anger.
According to conventional wisdom, anger is an involuntary emotional reaction that precedes aggression. But deliberate displays of anger can be a very effective and well-calculated tool of intimidation, coercion and ultimately manipulation.
Moreover, if we're talking about about the behavior of an aggressive person, it would be a mistake to assume that anger necessarily precedes aggression. Aggressive individuals use open expressions of anger to intimidate and manipulate others. Initially they have no anger. They just want what they want and get angry when they don't get it. In this case, they begin to use any techniques to remove the obstacle from the path. Sometimes the most effective technique is to demonstrate sufficient emotional intensity and fury to shock the other person into submission." (c)
From D. Simon's book "Who's in Sheep's Clothing?"
* given with my abbreviations.
I will add on my own behalf.
Reading Simon's book for the first time, I caught myself thinking, how can I understand who is the manipulator and who is the victim? I often come across such a phenomenon as “everyone has their own truth.”
Now I have the answer to this question. IN interpersonal relationships two people can be determined which social roles. For example, mother-daughter, husband-wife, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, friend-friend, boss-subordinates, grandmother-grandson, etc. Each role has an obvious set of functions unique to that role. One who does not perform functions according to his social role, he manipulates.
For example, a child has problems with school performance. The mother learns the homework, the grandmother helps with the homework (practically she does it herself) - in this case the child manipulates. Another thing is that in this story, for some reason, one of the members of the family system needs it. But more on that another time.
This in itself is unpleasant, not only for those around them who are suddenly plunged into negativity, but also for the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical scoundrels who derive pleasure from splashing out violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but they then experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men; the reasons may turn out to be so far-fetched and strange that the presence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.
Types and types of male aggression
It is worth immediately noting that negative emotions splashing out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors; they do not monitor their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but at the same time there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.
There are two main types of aggression that are easily defined even by non-specialists:
- verbal, when negativity is expressed in shouting or openly negative language;
- physical, when there are beatings, destruction, attempted murder.
With auto-aggression, negativity is directed at oneself and manifests itself in all sorts of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: “Let it be worse for me.”
Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degrees of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame to others.
Verbal aggression
The external manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. This can be a furious scream, curses and curses. They are often supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make offensive or threatening gestures, shake his fist, or swing his arms. In the animal world, males actively use this particular type of aggression: whoever growls loudest declares himself as the owner of the territory; outright fights come about much less often.
However, verbal aggression in men, the reasons for which can lie both in mental health and in social pressure, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to an abnormal pattern of communication and absorb the pattern of their father’s behavior as the norm.
Physical aggression
An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from shouting and threats to active physical actions. Now this is not just a threatening fist swing, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injuries even to those closest to him, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally just one blow, or a long-term nightmare, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons given are varied - from “she provoked me” to “I’m a man, you can’t make me angry.”
When wondering how permissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It is written there in black and white that infliction of bodily harm of varying degrees of severity, attempted murder and intentional damage to personal property are all crimes.
Features of unmotivated male aggression
We can conditionally divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. It is possible to understand and partially justify aggression shown in a state of passion. This is often called "righteous anger." If someone offends this man’s loved ones, encroaches on their life and health, then an aggressive response is at least understandable.
The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at first glance. What came over him? I was just a normal person, and suddenly they changed me! This is roughly what witnesses to sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond to. In fact, any action has a reason, explanation or motive, they just don’t always lie on the surface.
Reasons or excuses?
Where is the line between reasons and justifications? An example is the phenomenon of aggression between men and women. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify oneself, to shift the blame onto the victim: “Why did she stay late after work? She’s probably cheating, she needs to be shown a place!”, “I didn’t have time to serve dinner, I need to teach a lesson” or “Allows herself to show dissatisfaction, provokes aggression."
Behind such behavior there can be either personal hatred towards a particular person or banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women to be second-class citizens, then is it surprising that he receives malicious attacks against them?
However, outbursts of aggression may not occur because the man is simply an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also those based on serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.
Hormonal background
A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations are due to hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones; a deficiency or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, a pathological absence of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.
Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. Those who are especially harsh are often referred to as “testosterone males.” Chronic deficiency leads to increased dissatisfaction and makes a person predisposed to negative manifestations. Outbursts of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalance, must be treated. To do this, tests are taken to measure hormone levels, and the disease that led to the disorders is identified. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.
Middle age crisis
If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether everything is really decisions made were correct, was it not a mistake. Literally everything comes into question: is this the right family, is this the right woman, is this the right direction in one’s career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying someone else, or not marrying at all?
Doubts and hesitations acute sensation missed opportunities - it all shakes nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seems to have conspired and does not understand this emotional impulse. Well, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to ruin your life.
Retirement depression
Second round age crisis catches up with men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a significant part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of their life’s plot begin to feel unnecessary and abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with receiving a pension certificate.
Aggression in men over 50 years of age is closely related to attempts to shift responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors aggravate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.
Psychiatry or psychology?
Who should I go to for help - a psychologist or straight to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, fearing, not without reason, that they will do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly assess their actions and seek help from professionals. Who deals with such a phenomenon as aggression in men? The causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient does not have any problems. This is exactly what the correct approach to treatment with such a specialist consists of: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be labeled “crazy.” A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks whether the patient’s psyche is affected by some completely physical factors: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbances. The psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist, if the patient does not have problems that require drug treatment.
The first step to solving the problem
In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes the decision. Aggression in a man... What should a woman do who is next to him, lives in the same house with him, and is raising children together? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save the children.
The best first step for a man is to admit there is a problem. It’s worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that needs to be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.
Possible consequences of aggression and comprehensive work on oneself
We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons require elimination, but excuses have no force or weight. It is worth pulling yourself together, but not relying only on self-control. If outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a hormonal imbalance. This may be overwork, depressive symptoms, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is the right step to help you cope with destructive behavior. Separate reasons from excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.
