My husband doesn’t want me: what should I do? Why doesn't a husband want a wife? The main reasons and solution to the problem What to do if the husband does not want to.

Many may say that intimate relationships in a family are not the most important thing, but this is not entirely true. Yes, sex life is not dominant, but it is very important. It is the intimate component of a relationship that creates a special emotional connection between a man and a woman. Firstly, intimate relationships provide physical release, relieving sexual arousal and tension, and if this is not the case, then all sorts of problems arise. Secondly, intimate life has a positive effect on relationships, they become stronger, closer, etc.

You can talk a lot and analyze the meaning of sexual relations in married life, however, if the husband does not want a wife, then this problem must be solved and not left to chance. What should girls do if they don’t have sex with their husband? Let's analyze situations, problems and ways to solve them.

Analysis of the situation

For several weeks or even months, the spouses do not have sex because of the husband, and if at first this situation does not particularly bother the wife, then in the future this will become her main problem. - this is not just a release and quenching of physical attraction to a man, it is also a natural need of the body, not to mention the emotional side and the impact of this on relationships.

In this article we will not touch upon married couples of the older generation, where in most cases the reason for the lack of intimacy is health or age. Here we will talk about young couples, because the causes of problems in their sex life, or rather in its absence, can be completely different, from simple to very complex.

In each family, the lack of sex life develops differently. In most cases, this begins with the birth of a child, or in the last months. This can also happen after a certain period of married life, due to a number of other factors. Let's look at them.

Causes

The reasons why a husband does not want intimacy with his wife can be divided into several blocks, let's look at them.

Parental concerns

So, a young mother just after giving birth, the first months of the baby’s life squeeze all the strength out of the parents, both physical and moral, especially if there is no help from loved ones or it is insignificant. The main desire of parents is for the baby to be calm and fall asleep, so that the parents can get some sleep. And such moments happen very rarely. The situation becomes even more complicated when a child sleeps with his parents in the same room, and even more so if the apartment is one-room or a young family lives with the parents.

As a result, it turns out that a young father and mother are always tired, since the child requires constant attention, especially if he is constantly being held and restless. Mom is with the baby all day, from the very morning, while dad earns money. She devotes time to the child, calms him down, lulls him to sleep, feeds him, prepares dinner for her husband, cleans, washes, etc. It’s even hard to imagine, mommy is like a squeezed lemon, in the evening she just wants to get to bed, what kind of romance and intimacy can we talk about!? During this period, the young mother stops taking special care of her appearance and home appearance in particular.

Coming home from work, the husband also plunges into parental concerns. Considering also the fact that a child does not allow you to sleep at night, and in addition a tired wife, all this dulls the desire for physical attraction. The whole situation is complicated by the child sleeping next to him, because both parents want to relax, otherwise everything will be quickly and in some “corner”.

Quite often this problem can be solved, the main thing is the desire to do it. Sometimes men simply either ignore this problem or simply do not want to solve it and let their young wife understand what exactly caused the problems in their intimate life.

Fatigue, stress, problems

There are often cases when a husband does not want his wife due to constant fatigue, stress and problems of various kinds. In most cases, the source of this situation is work, when the husband is tired physically or mentally, a large number of tasks are entrusted to his shoulders, he is supervised by tough bosses, or he often faces stressful situations and problems that may arise not because of work, but for other reasons.

Of course, in this case, all thoughts will be about problems and worries, and about how to protect yourself from all this and calm down. Most often, a man withdraws into himself and tries to be alone with his thoughts, or finds joy in computer games, reading, etc.

In this state, he has no desire for intimacy, because he wants to do this out of attraction, and not for show, fulfilling marital duty, where this process is precisely a duty.

Fall out of love or no attraction

A much more complex problem is when the husband does not want his wife because he has lost attraction to her, or rather, she does not excite him or attract him as a woman. Here the roots of the problem can grow from completely different reasons.

We called this point “fallen out of love and there is no attraction,” although as life shows, the lack of love is a rather abstract reason for the lack of attraction and intimate life, but, nevertheless, sometimes its absence really has an impact.

Over the course of many years of family life together, people, of course, get used to each other, and sometimes, as they say, become boring, especially when it comes to intimate life. Over the course of several years together, the husband has studied and knows his wife inside and out; sexual life becomes very monotonous and boring, as a result of which he simply doesn’t want it all anymore, because it doesn’t bring the same passion, inner fire and pleasure as before. The exact same thing often happens to women.

The most common situation is when a husband does not want his wife because of her unsexy appearance or boring image: the same hairstyle (which turns into a ponytail at home), a striped dressing gown, terry socks, etc. After all, this is where it all begins. Especially when all this carries over to the weekend: women walk around too much at home, not bothering with their appearance, when from Sunday evening she begins to pay maximum attention to her appearance, for others, but not for him.

In the listed cases, intimate relationships can arise between spouses, but very, very rarely, solely as a means of satisfying a physical need.

Separately, it is worth highlighting such a reason as sexual apathy towards his wife. A man treats his other half very well, she is very dear and close to him - a dear person, maybe he even loves her, but he does not consider her as a sexual object. It’s not that she doesn’t excite him or is not sexy for him, but he’s simply not attracted to her. Sometimes the mere thought of this in a man causes some hostility.

Mistress

If a husband no longer wants to sleep with his wife in a figurative, and even in a literal sense, then it is possible that he does not need it, since he has something on the side. This is what girls think about first, but this reason is far from being in first place.

In this case, a man may lose attraction to his wife, because he is in love with someone else, it is more interesting to do this with her, or he is tired, since he satisfied all his needs with his mistress.

Looking for reasons for betrayal is the topic of a separate article; in particular, we have already talked about this in the article. There are two main reasons why men have mistresses: the so-called loneliness (when it is difficult for him to be with only one woman or his wife is no longer attracted to him) and problems in relationships (misunderstandings, quarrels, etc.).

Health problems

Well, another reason why a husband does not want a wife is health problems. This situation is extremely rare, but nevertheless it needs to be mentioned.

Diseases that affect male sexual function can be divided into two groups: general and special. Special diseases include diseases of the reproductive system that directly affect the sexual function of men. General diseases include all other diseases that, due to pain and discomfort, dull the desire for intimacy, or indirectly affect the reproductive system, which also leads to such reluctance.

Ways to solve the problem

As you can see, most of the reasons a man doesn't want sex with his wife have to do with himself. However, in some of them the fair half of humanity also appears. And if those problems where the cause lies largely in the wife are solvable, then where the problem lies in the man, they are very difficult to solve.

It is important to understand that for almost all reasons (except the last one), both are in principle to blame for bringing their intimate life to such an extent. Even where the wife is the reason for the lack of sex in a married couple, the husband is also to blame, just as vice versa.

Analyze everything

To understand why my husband doesn’t want me, you first need to analyze family life, the everyday atmosphere and other related factors. You also need to understand whether intimate relationships are needed when a woman wants her husband, tenderness, romance, so that it is something more than physiology, or whether physiology is needed exclusively to satisfy an ordinary physical need, and the husband is the one who should do this . Sometimes women themselves don’t want their husband, they just want physical release, so in such a situation you yourself must understand him.

Very often, girls say that my husband and I do not sleep together, on the same bed - this is where the spouses begin to grow apart, both morally and physiologically. A husband and wife must have a marital bed, and while they are married, they must sleep on it together. It should be as convenient and comfortable as possible. Even the blanket should be one for two.

In most cases, routine and monotony kill intimate life. This not only depends on everyday life, the wife’s homely appearance, but also on the sex itself, which should be interesting for both, and not follow the standard classical pattern. On many forums, men say that it is the routine of sex that kills his desire with his wife. For many girls, sometimes even changing positions is something unacceptable, not to mention various games. When, for example, the wife responds to her husband’s request for oral sex: okay, I’ll do it, since that’s what you want - what desire will the husband have after that!? Of course, when a woman has her own taboos and something is unpleasant for her, there is no need to force herself if she just can’t get the mood for it.

After analyzing all of the above, perhaps you will find the source of the problem and be able to solve it together with your husband. Below we will tell you what you need to do to try to bring sex back into your married life so that the husband and wife want each other.

Let's talk

We need to have a heart-to-heart talk. Very often, girls complain that they try in every possible way to discuss this topic and problem with their husband, but he avoids the conversation or resorts to various excuses. It’s even worse when the husband doesn’t see a problem at all in the lack of sexual relations with his wife.

It is extremely important to have a heart-to-heart talk so that the husband tells him what doesn’t suit him about his wife, in family and intimate life, the wife should also tell her husband about what she doesn’t like about all this. Listen to each other without interrupting, there is no need to be offended by some words, because you must find the causes of the problem. It is possible that you will need to reconsider your attitude towards certain issues or change something in yourself. But initiative and action must come from both spouses.

It’s very good in this conversation to not hesitate to tell each other about yours. Perhaps some of this will find the interest and support of another. However, if at first one of the spouses is struck by some of the desires of the other, then there will be nothing wrong with this, but he or she will, and it happens that, digesting this information, these ideas do not seem so scary and even on the contrary, they start to like you and get hooked on you.

Create the right conditions

An integral component of physical intimacy is the relationship between spouses. A husband and wife should be one, understand each other and be close. The wife, as the keeper of the home, must create conditions of comfort, and the husband must contribute to this. Reconsider your relationship, perhaps the atmosphere in your home is far from comfortable and romantic - this can be changed. Get closer to your husband, be together as often as possible, communicate, find common topics for conversation, etc.

It is necessary to try to restore order in the apartment, and, if possible, rearrange it so that the apartment is cozy. There is no need to constantly “nag” your husband, reproach him and educate him, or as they also say, “blow his brains out.”

If the causes of problems in intimate life are the husband’s fatigue, stress, etc., it is very important to help him solve them, and not interfere with his bed. It is important to become a support for him, to create an oasis at home among the desert of problems, and then it will be possible to solve an intimate problem.

When a child becomes the cause of this family problem, you just need to get through this period. However, you can find a couple of hours while the child is sleeping to relax and satisfy physical attraction. You can ask the parents to sit with the baby for a few hours, and rent a room or apartment yourself, and relax there and give yourself to each other.

Well, the last thing we want to mention in this block is the woman’s appearance. Surely the wife knows her husband’s taste preferences, what women are like and what he likes about them. Therefore, you can change something, especially if the image has not been refreshed for a long time: hairstyle, hair color,... It is important to pay attention to your figure; it may be worth sitting on. You definitely need to take care of yourself in general, and in particular at home, charming your husband. When there is a beauty in front of him with manicure, depilation, in a beautiful robe with a twist, it will not leave him indifferent.

Variety helps

Diversity will help solve the problem, and in everything. It is necessary to try to bring something new into everyday life: trips, hobbies, friends, etc. Thanks to this, a round of something new will give positive results. However, it is very important. You can introduce something new based on each other’s desires; here it is very important to relax and not be afraid.

If the problem lies in the fact that the husband is not attracted to the wife herself, then you can resort to petting; many couples note the positive results of this method in their intimate life. You can turn on relaxing music, videos of a certain genre, etc.

Difficult to resolve situations

When the reason for the lack of intimate life is the husband's illness, the wife needs to make every effort to help with treatment. There is simply no other solution to the problem in this case.

However, there are very difficult situations when nothing depends on the wife, the husband closes down and ignores everything. If all methods are in vain, there are three options left: find a lover, leave your husband, or reconcile. It is in such difficult situations that consulting a psychologist is very helpful.

We wish you success!

"He stopped loving me?!"

You feel completely wrong. But I read women’s forums and even calmed down a little, I was convinced that it was not only me who had such a problem. It turns out that a man who doesn't want sex is a fairly common occurrence. And, of course, many panicky guesses are immediately made about what the reason is. I decided to figure out who is to blame and what to do.

He has another

This version is usually the first one that comes to our mind. And it is precisely this that is persistently promoted by all kinds of “advisers”. Of course, this scenario cannot be completely ruled out. But I did not hesitate to ask secretly the men I knew who were, so to speak, uninterested. Everyone unanimously says that there are probably men who cannot sleep with two women at the same time, but there are very few of them. Most manage to combine perfectly.

Stress

Firstly, it causes physical fatigue, and a man simply does not have the strength to do “this”. Secondly, constant stress at work often “doesn’t let go” at home, preventing you from switching to other thoughts and enjoying simple joys, even with the woman you love. If your husband mutters something about the economic crisis even in his sleep at night, it’s not surprising that he has no time for sex. Therefore, it is worth trying to protect him from stress, at least at home. Yes, take and forgive once again the loose toothpaste, crumbs in the bed and scattered socks. A delicious dinner (especially, they say, walnuts, celery, seafood and ginger are good for this), kind words, a relaxing massage, erotic lingerie - all these simple feminine tricks still work.

Depression tormented me

It was called the disease of the twentieth century. The current one, the twenty-first, seems to inherit all the problems of the previous one.

Among the symptoms of depression, one of the first indicated is “decreased libido.” Simply put, depression is when you don’t want anything, not even sex.

I’ve heard the opinion that in addition to traditional “medicines” (trips abroad, picnics with friends, wasting money in restaurants), it helps to simply take a vacation, put aside all things and not try to have fun through force, but for a while really do nothing at all. This means that the most important thing, no matter how trivial it may sound, is to try to understand the man and be patient until this goes away for him. Don't pull, don't reproach. Well, if time passes, and the melancholy and apathy do not go away, but only intensify, I think it’s worth taking you to a psychologist. They don't bite. Only in our latitudes people are somehow not used to addressing them. But in vain. If you can’t cope on your own, it’s better to seek the help of a specialist.

Tired or fed up

Although we don’t want to come to terms with it, a man is psychologically designed in such a way that he gets a little tired of the same woman over time, even if he sincerely loves her. Monotony in bed, lovemaking on a schedule, in the same place, at the same time, reduce sexual desire. The negative effect increases if you do not want to experiment and do not listen to his desires and requests. But if you listen and please with all your might, it’s not a fact that this will save you from something.

I heard from several friends about a similar family crisis after the birth of a child. And it cannot be said about any of these girlfriends that after giving birth she gained weight or somehow became ugly. It turns out that the reason is not at all that the woman has become less attractive, but rather a change in status: from spouses, lovers, the couple is transformed into parents. For them, men, all these nuances of their status in the family and in society are terribly important.

The problem must be solved using the “do no harm” principle. Under no circumstances should you panic, make a scene or start scandals.

I have a hot temper, so I checked this more than once; after each of my explosions, sex completely disappeared from our lives for a long time. This is understandable; there are hardly any men who see a hysterical woman in their erotic dreams.

Every third person has prostatitis!

In fact, the most common reason. The incidence of prostatitis is known to increase with age. Statistics say that prostatitis is diagnosed in every third man over 35 years of age. However, according to doctors, in recent years this disease has become more and more “younger”. And today, cases of the disease in 30-year-olds are not uncommon. Moreover, 98% are hidden and sluggish forms. And this is exactly our case.

Causes of early prostatitis

Urologists include infections as provoking factors, as well as a sedentary lifestyle, irregular sex life, colds and all the same stress and depression that I have already mentioned. And most often all these factors influence simultaneously. The risk group includes not only truck drivers, but also programmers, managers and other office workers. Moreover, forced irregular urination is especially harmful, and this problem is familiar to workers in many professions. Prostatitis is also caused by sexually transmitted diseases. Doctors also warn that hypochondriasis contributes to the development of this insidious disease.

Various fears - including the fear of getting prostatitis - are a release of adrenaline, which causes vasoconstriction, and this in turn has a very negative effect on the functioning of the male genitourinary system.

So the husband’s nerves must be protected, and conversations about prostatitis should be conducted very carefully, avoiding empty horror stories, pushing the man to specific actions for prevention or treatment.

Symptoms: hidden and obvious

First of all, medical booklets tell us, prostatitis is indicated by impaired urination (often and in small portions) and pain (in the anus, perineum, testicles, lower abdomen, sacrum). But a man does not necessarily complain even to his own wife. In particular, it is unlikely that he will explain his reluctance to make love by pain “there”. He'll probably come up with some other reason. If your husband keeps waking up at night and running to the toilet, there will be no doubt about it. What if the situation is not so advanced? Other signs will most likely be noticeable to us: a decrease in this same sexual activity and constant irritability, anxiety, poor sleep.

Cure or prevent?

We all know how difficult it is to persuade a man to go to the doctor. But, believe me, it’s worth it - it’s better to convince him right now, without delay, than to share a bed with an impotent man in 5 years. Who, if not you, can find the arguments to which he will listen.

There is a whole group of remedies and methods of treatment: anti-inflammatory drugs, antibiotics, massage, physiotherapy and so-called prostate protectors - prostate protectors.

Today there are already new preparations based on the unique substance prostatilen discovered during laboratory studies. These funds can be used not only for treatment, but also for prevention. It was a discovery for me that new generation drugs, such as Lekhim Prostatilen, increase immunity, improve blood circulation in the vessels of the prostate gland, and they also normalize the quality of sperm, and most importantly, slow down the aging of the prostate.

The remaining rules of prevention can be described by a simple formula: sit less and be nervous, move more and enjoy life. And, of course, regular sex.

In a word, having studied this issue in detail, I realized that what our grandmothers say is true: “the main thing is health.” The secret of regular and vibrant sex lies in this little “zest” of my man - the prostate. And now I will not let the process take its course, the male power of my beloved is in my hands.

Photo in text: Image used under license from Shutterstock.com

According to the prevailing stereotype, a sexually and mentally healthy man is simply obliged to spend most of his time thinking about intimacy with the one he has chosen as his companion. Faced with the opposite situation, women, instead of understanding the true reasons for their spouse’s coldness, sharply fall into self-criticism or attack their loved one with reproaches. Both are unacceptable in a relationship and require mandatory permission. Why doesn’t my husband want sex, and how can I reawaken his interest?

Lack of desire in the nature of relationships

It is very difficult to assess the real sexual state of a man during a period when he is in love, and every touch of his chosen one causes him a storm of emotions. Euphoria, brightness and freshness of sensations last on average for young spouses from one to three years, after which there is a natural decline in sexual sensuality. By this, nature itself seems to indicate the need to rebuild the model of relations between spouses in favor of socialization and strengthening the unit of society, concentrating forces on raising offspring.

This difficult period of decreased sexual activity is marked by another characteristic moment - the awakening and activation of subconscious desires, which until now were hidden under the cover of constantly maintained excitement from the intimacy of a partner. If earlier some rough edges in relationships were smoothed out by the idealization of a loved one and the reluctance to spoil each other’s mood, now a person has a need to find out his meaning outside the family sphere, the priority of “peace for the sake of peace” at home recedes.

All these manifestations are absolutely normal, but a woman is prevented from looking at the situation with a “sober” look by resentment and a desire to feel in first place again. “Why doesn’t my husband want me?” - she asks, and beautiful lingerie, aphrodisiacs and other attempts to return “everything as it was” are used.

In part, these are the right decisions and a much better option to come to mutual understanding than scandals and showdowns. However, wise women will begin to look for the cause of the problem, why the husband does not want to sleep with her, beyond primitive sensuality - in the area of self-affirmation and external causes of the man’s changed state.

Cause: Pregnancy

A wife's pregnancy, even if it was desired, is a serious stress for a man. “Why doesn’t my husband want me during pregnancy?” - women ask, and the answer to this question can be one of the following options:

Fear of harming your loved one and baby through careless actions during sex.
Rejection of the wife's new appearance due to the deterioration of her appearance.
An attempt to avoid refusal if a woman has already repeatedly responded with irritation to a proposal for intimacy.

Most often, the reason why a husband does not want to make love to his pregnant wife is the first situation - fear of provoking premature birth or hurting her. Representatives of the fair sex with a low level of libido are often happy about this situation and even begin to artificially fuel a man’s anxieties, but such tactics then backfire on both spouses.

After some time, the husband ceases to perceive his partner as a woman, and in his understanding she becomes simply the mother of their common child. The wife’s restored health after childbirth does not change anything significant in this matter, since the very essence of intimacy - psychological closeness - has already disappeared from the relationship. It will be possible to return it only with the help of a family psychologist and only with the mutual desire of both partners.

A woman has the power to prevent the collapse of a marital union due to lack of intimacy, because there are enough safe ways to satisfy a partner’s sexual desire without risking pregnancy, for example, the use of oral caress or the “sideways” position.

Baby in the house

Why doesn't a husband want intimacy with his wife after childbirth? Despite the seeming absurdity of this statement, psychologically some men perceive the baby as a rival in the struggle for the attention of the woman they love. This happens when, before giving birth, the wife looked after her husband like a mother, looked after him like a child, and with the birth of the baby she transferred all her attention to him.

The usual concepts of a husband-owner collapse, burying sexual desires. He ceases to perceive the female body as something that entirely belongs to him, and may even begin to feel disgust for his wife. Especially if you often observe breastfeeding. The situation is aggravated by the fact that during the period of postpartum depression, a woman stops taking care of herself with the same care as before: she does not bother herself with cosmetic manipulations, tries to dress more simply and generally “domesticates”.

The presence of the husband at the birth deserves special attention. The currently fashionable trend is completely devoid of healthy psychological justification. Of course, in the presence of a loved one, a woman feels safer, but the risk of forever losing her sexual partner in the person of her husband should outweigh considerations of internal comfort for her.

Mistakes of young parents

“Why doesn’t my husband want me after giving birth?” - psychologists hear and see in front of them an exhausted woman with circles under her eyes and a casually dressed woman. “Would you like yourself?” - I want to ask in response, but in response I have to explain the common truths that a man with the birth of a baby is no easier than a woman, and he also needs the support of his other half. In addition, experiencing the same difficulties with decreased sleep time, the inability to eat peacefully, etc., a man is still forced to go to work and carry out labor activities at the same or even faster pace.

Ideally, a child should unite the spouses, make them even more dependent (in a positive sense) on each other and give the relationship a new flavor. Only with the appearance of the first-born can a love union be called full-fledged and fulfilled, but in reality this fact is more often considered as an obstacle to the manifestation of marital feelings.

Why doesn't a husband want a wife after giving birth? Because she herself, first of all, ceases to feel like a woman and goes all into motherhood. The husband is given the unenviable role of the eternal supplicant and observer, despite the fact that his physiological needs only increase after a long pause of abstinence (sometimes lasting up to 3 months).

So, the main reason why a husband does not want intimacy with his wife after the birth of a child is the wrong emphasis placed by both young parents to the detriment of sexual relationships. Mom strives to devote 24 hours a day to the baby, and dad has no choice but to come to terms with this and gradually reduce his position of importance in the family.

Psychologists say that problems of lack of time and attention may not arise at all if you follow simple recommendations:

The dad should have several responsibilities for caring for the baby, for which only he is responsible (buying diapers, changing a diaper before bed, warming up the “evening” bottle of food);
the mother needs to leave the baby with the father for at least 30-40 minutes a day, without interfering in the process of their communication with her comments or advice;
If young parents have close relatives who are ready to look after their baby, the spouses need to at least occasionally arrange romantic dates or simply relax together.

In the first time after the medical ban on sex is lifted, it is better for a woman to take the initiative in bed, since a man is subconsciously afraid of hurting his wife for a long time after giving birth. Occasionally, young mothers are even ready to make sacrifices, admitting their husband before the end of the one and a half month recovery period, but it is recommended to do this only if they are in good health and always with the use of lubricants.

Reason: husband's infidelity

“Why doesn’t my husband want me? Maybe he’s having an affair on the side?” Another situation: the husband comes home and not only does not try to pester his wife, but, on the contrary, avoids communicating with her in every possible way. Sometimes he even goes to bed in another room, eats alone, and tries to be less visible. Unfortunately, almost always the combination of these signs indicates that the man satisfies his sexual needs in the company of his mistress, and this relationship has gone so far that there is no longer any need to hide the obvious symptoms of betrayal.

Few wives are able to forgive adultery, but there can be no other successful solution to this problem. If a woman still loves her husband and is ready to wait until he “walks up”, then in 70% of cases, her wait is rewarded with the complete return of the cheater to the bosom of the family. But what you definitely shouldn’t do is try to “agree” with your opponent. Such steps towards the object of love are perceived by a man very aggressively, which greatly reduces the possibility of family reunification later.

Stress and routine

Perhaps the main reason why a husband does not want to have sex or has stopped being active in bed is the monotony of the spouses’ sex life. The phrase that “a man loves to win...” continues: “... and receive a reward for it,” so a woman should be careful about sometimes seizing the initiative and rewarding a tired man for his daily work exploits.

Fatigue can be of a different nature. Sometimes this is the result of strong moral pressure, financial failures or other problems that exhaust a man and take away all his strength. Often this is mixed with a feeling of guilt towards his wife for disappointed hopes, and a man depressed by all this actually loses the ability to relax.

Psychologists recommend that women, in any case - in the absence of sex or in its boring monotony - deviate from the usual patterns and learn to surprise their man. Surprise generates curiosity, intrigue excites, and if the spouse is also invited to take part in a performance for two, where he will be assigned the role of a passive participant, then he will receive great pleasure, even being very tired.

Wrong behavior of a woman

Another reason why a husband does not want his wife, according to psychologists, is hidden in the woman’s reluctance to have sexual relations. It seems to the wife that it is enough for her to look neat, keep herself and the house in order, in order to by default direct her husband’s sexual attention to her person, and when this does not happen, resentment and litigation follow. “I don’t feel the need for intimacy, but I’m afraid that the reason why my husband doesn’t want me is because he’s having an affair,” is what experts sometimes hear.

But men are like children. If they feel that their sexual desires are accepted without reciprocation or, conversely, that their capabilities lag behind the level of demand, they will prefer to hide and pretend that none of this concerns them. In other words, they get so used to the fact that no matter how hard they try, things won’t work out as they should, that it’s easier for them to give up sex altogether than to always act as an excuser.

Approximately the same picture emerges when a wife openly manipulates bed life, “rewarding” her husband with sex only when he “deserves it.” For a man, such “sexual accounting” is a serious blow to his pride, which he may not tolerate. Refusal of intimacy in this case is the mildest version of male protest. In a huge number of cases, the husband simply finds a more accommodating girlfriend or finds solace in alcohol.

The reason is an age-related decrease in sexual activity

There may be so many reasons why a husband does not want intimacy that it is unlikely that it will be possible to resolve all doubts without a delicate conversation. However, it is not a fact that a man honestly admits what really worries him, and a woman is better off relying on her inner insight and observation.

Age is one of the criteria that should be relied upon when drawing primary conclusions. After 35 years, a man experiences less need for the frequency of sexual contacts, but he can do it better, paying much more attention to satisfying his beloved.

Starting from this period, a man may experience phenomena of anorgasmia, to which representatives of the stronger sex react very painfully. If a partner has become less likely to initiate intimate meetings after several cases of lack of ejaculation, then the question of why the husband does not want intimacy can be considered idle - he is simply afraid of another failure.

The responsibilities of a loving wife include mitigating the level of anxiety of a loved one and psychological support in the form of downplaying the problem and exaggerating the importance of other merits. It would be a good idea to more often compliment your husband’s appearance, his masculinity, and sexuality.

Since by the age of 40 a man’s whole life is being restructured in a qualitative way, a good wife (even if she is much younger) will have to accept new conditions and be free from frequent demands for sex. A good solution for this period will be the revival of romantic relationships between partners: dates, pleasant trips, trips to the theater.

Conclusion

To stop asking the question over and over again: “Why doesn’t my husband want me?”, it is enough, according to experts, to look at yourself from the outside once. Is a woman who requires increased attention from her husband to her person always well-groomed, smells pleasant, and is in high spirits? Or is the spouse obliged to be in eternal combat readiness, regardless of the quality of the spectacle presented to him?

If you notice that your sex life has become insipid or in general reminds you of itself less and less, do not ask about the reason why your husband does not want love pleasures, but take care of yourself, sexologists say. A man will definitely notice the result, no matter how advanced the intra-family problem may be, but there is no need to demand this attention or, much less, list out loud all the points of the efforts being made. By the way, it is the efforts in this matter that are most important; behind them, the woman does not have enough time for soul-searching and depression, and by default she becomes attractive to her partner.

To regain sexual attractiveness as if inadvertently, not for the sake of a man (in any case, he should think so), but for her own sake, means to capture his attention. This is an axiom. And if the family did not reach a break in relations, and the whole problem was sexual cooling on the part of the partner, your own reboot will almost certainly revive the psychological closeness between the spouses and give the relationship a second chance.

Wanting to get married as soon as possible, many girls can’t even imagine how you can feel unattractive and lonely while living next to your husband. The husband’s refusal to have sexual relations is the most common problem of modern spouses, which shows that the wife is not sexually attractive to her husband and means absolutely nothing to him as a woman. For any woman, there is nothing worse than living together with a man who ignores her in bed.

Often women Those who ask the question: “Why doesn’t my husband want me?” are inventing problems for themselves. You don’t need to rely on the fact that at the beginning of your married life you and your husband had sexual intercourse every day or even several times a day. Gradually, their frequency decreases and the couple enters the so-called UFR (conditioned physiological reflex), according to which 2-3 sexual contacts per week are considered the norm.

Usually like this rhythm of sexual life established after 2 years of marriage. The UFR zone for all couples cannot be the same, based on the individual characteristics of the spouses, sex between them may be more often or less often than this norm. You only need to worry about the fact that your husband has cooled off towards you only when you have been recently married and have not had sexual contact with your husband for a week.

Sexy attractiveness A woman’s beauty does not depend only on external beauty, it is closely related to her spiritual qualities. There are many tips from psychologists for eliminating the causes of solving sexual problems, one of the most popular among which is to change your appearance, buy fishnet underwear, do sexy makeup, take a bath in aromatic oils and arrange a sex shop for your husband. But this whole outfit will have no effect on a man who is tired of living together with a capricious wife and is only thinking about how to earn a lot of money in order to appease his wife’s insatiable appetite.

man A person who comes tired from work and wants to quickly eat and relax can only be frightened by latex clothing. Imagine, he walks in the door hungry and tired, and then instead of a delicious dinner, his wife comes out of the bedroom in stockings. Such events should be arranged only after a romantic dinner, or after discussing it with your husband beforehand, otherwise all efforts may be in vain. If a wife constantly nags her husband and cannot discuss a single problem with him calmly, then sex between them would be “sadomasochism.”

In a healthy man there will never be an attraction to a woman who just recently humiliated him with the words: “You are a weakling!”, “You are a bastard!”, “You are a stingy one!” and so on. Even if the offended husband has a desire, it is quickly extinguished at the sight of his formidable wife. There is no need to constantly pester a man, demanding to fulfill his marital duty; sexual desire does not arise from kicks. All problems that arise in the family should be discussed in a calm atmosphere at the negotiating table.

Men- people are unpredictable, so if it seems to you that your husband does not want you, then you should not blame only yourself for everything and not pay attention to his behavior. Possible reasons for coldness in men may be the following:

1. He has health problems. Men only feel comfortable with a woman who gives him the opportunity to control the situation and feel like the head of the family. That is why any violations in physical intimacy with his wife greatly hurt him, especially if his own body betrays him. Imagine a situation: a husband wants to demonstrate his masculine qualities in front of his beloved and desired wife, but at the most crucial moment the body capitulates.

For a self-respecting man, there is no greater tragedy than impotence at a young age. Usually, at such moments, men try to drown out feelings of shame with various excuses: tired, drank a lot, worried, and so on. If this happens again and again, then this is a reason to consult a doctor.

2. He has a mistress. When a husband doesn't want his wife, the first thing that comes to mind is cheating. Getting a woman into bed is a victory for a man. The longer a man achieves this, the stronger his desire to possess a woman. But as soon as he satisfies his passion, his body demands new victories.

Wanting to feel the joy of these victories, husbands cheat on their wives. To avoid this, try to constantly change. Take care of your appearance, join the gym, get a new hairstyle and update your wardrobe. Diversify sex, and to do this, try new positions and places for making love.

But the problem is availability mistresses for a husband, it can only be invented by the wife herself, whose self-esteem has decreased due to her husband’s coldness. Do not try to immediately accuse your husband of cheating, first try to find out from him the reasons for the decrease in sexual interest in you by talking about it in private.

3. He's tired. If your husband works a lot, then he doesn’t want sex because he gets very tired at work. In this case, sexual attraction to his wife will return as soon as the man is fully rested.

It is important for a woman to be loved and desired. Therefore, cooling of passion on the part of a man is perceived as a disaster. “Why doesn’t my husband want me? What can be done?" — these questions haunt me. The wife becomes offended, withdraws and the relationship between the spouses becomes tense. To prevent things from turning into a desire for divorce, you need to take active steps. First of all, understand the possible reasons.

Why a husband doesn't want a wife: main reasons

There is no single algorithm by which it would be realistic to calculate the cause in each specific case - people differ in susceptibility, habits, character, hormonal levels and other factors. Therefore, we must take into account that the reasons given below may not apply to all husbands. Most often, the cooling of sexual fervor is caused by:

Fatigue. This includes physical fatigue, when a man is able to think of bed only as a place of rest, and emotional fatigue, when he is overcome by restless thoughts.

Health problems. If lethargy does not go away for weeks, sleep has become restless and problems with appetite appear, then there is probably a malfunction in the body. Even if it’s problems with the joints or stomach, everything can cause apathy. It’s enough to remember yourself - do you really want to make love when something hurts? In addition, there may well be problems with men’s health itself.

Problems in relationships. Representatives of the stronger sex also have feelings and emotions. Not all women take this into account. Harsh words, grievances, accumulated unresolved conflicts alienate people from each other in every sense. Firstly, the spouse himself will not be sure that sex is appropriate in this situation. Secondly, it may be difficult for him to forgive something and move past it for the sake of love.

The appearance of your beloved. “Appearance is not the main thing”, “he loves me for my soul” - these opinions also have a right to life. But men love with their eyes, so to evoke desire you need to get rid of the stretched robe and at least be neat. And even better - take care of beautiful underwear and figure.

Unhealthy attitude towards sex in the family. “I tell you - you tell me” is a common formula for relationships in some families. And fundamentally wrong. Some ladies take advantage of the physical needs of guys, extorting certain things or behavior from them. “If you don’t buy it, I won’t give it,” “I won’t give it until you do as I want” - because of such blackmail, men begin to perceive sex as something inevitably associated with trouble. And there is absolutely no desire to have trouble.

Hobbies. It may seem strange to some, but among the stronger sex there are people for whom hobbies can even replace sex. Usually this is something that evokes strong emotions: a parachute or bungee jump, cycling down a mountain, or even a heated battle in a computer game. A surge of adrenaline causes the appearance of endorphins - pleasure hormones.

Addiction to pornography. Porn materials filled the Internet. Many do not see anything bad in it and in vain. Scientists from the National Family Research Organization have concluded that pornography causes cravings for perversion and can deprive a person of the ability to enjoy normal intimate relationships in the family. Experts in the field of behavioral sciences share the same opinion.

Treason. The first reason that comes to women's minds. And she also cannot be written off: when a man cheats or is simply in love with another, his life partner does not evoke strong emotions in him. But in this case, in addition to decreased sexual activity, there are other “signs”: secrets, delays at work and on business, sometimes the phone is turned off, and so on.

Pregnancy and childbirth. This situation is worth discussing separately. Sometimes husbands refuse to have intimacy with their pregnant wife for fear of harming her or the child. Moreover, these fears often do not go away with the birth of a child. On forums for pregnant women and young mothers you can often find questions like: “My husband doesn’t want to sleep with me, the baby is already six months old.” This is because the baby’s father perceives his beloved no longer as a wife, but as, first of all, a mother. Sometimes women themselves move away from their life partners, spending absolutely all their time with the child: the spouses eat at different times, the mother goes to bed with the child early in the evening, and the young father remains bored.

What to do first

Don’t panic and don’t get hysterical, don’t say that he’s all lying about being tired. To find out why my husband doesn’t want me, I will need calm and patience. There is no need to start with scandals and accusations - this will only worsen the situation. Instead of categorical accusations, it is better to use speech patterns that speak about experiences: “it seems to me...”, “I feel as if...” And end the thought with the question: “What do you think about this?”

When it comes to fatigue, the recipe is simple - give the person a rest or wait until a busy week has passed. If fatigue does not go away, then suggest taking vitamins or going to the doctor.

You will probably need to reconsider your behavior in the family. Often people allow themselves to talk to family members less respectfully than to strangers, arguing that they “should understand.” No. Our loved ones deserve politeness and the kindest words. And if wrong behavior was committed, it is worth apologizing - love is more valuable than hurt pride.

You will need to step over laziness, fatigue and conceit and still take care of yourself: your figure, skin, hair and clothes. What can we talk about desire if a woman smells unpleasant, and she is dressed in a greasy robe - it’s not easy to even hug her.

Hobbies are a big part of a man's life. The ideal option is to share his joys with your husband and be there at this moment - so that euphoria is associated not only with some business, but also with your wife. It wouldn’t hurt to try to diversify your sex life - not only at home, on the couch, in a familiar position, but also outdoors in a tent or somewhere else.

Overcoming an addiction to pornography is usually much more difficult. He may need the help of a psychologist who will explain how harmful this habit is and help him overcome it. Psychological help may also be needed to get rid of the fear of your pregnant wife.

In the case of betrayal, you need to try to find out what is really happening. Some will decide to fight for their family, others will decide to get a divorce. But it is unlikely that you will be able to force a desire to outdo your rival.

If you focus on the thoughts “my husband doesn’t want me anymore,” then it’s easy to get bogged down in resentment and move away even more. There are several general concepts that will help improve the intimate side of life:

It is important to remember that thoughts should be focused on what can be done if my husband doesn’t want me, and not on his shortcomings.

The psychology of men is different from that of women, so it is not easy to understand, let alone somehow influence it. Therefore, the help of a specialist will be very useful. Doctors often recommend focusing on the fact that first of all we need to love each other and show love by listening carefully, not rushing to be offended and discussing disagreements.

Keeping this in mind, you can bring back the joy and pleasure of love into your family life.

Alla, Moscow