This post is about harassment that prevents a girl from living and working. Therefore, we immediately dismiss those who voluntarily engage in office romances. It's not about them now.
In one form or another, almost every girl feels unwanted attention from influential colleagues or from her boss. Harassment is most easily prevented at an early stage. Usually the boss doesn’t immediately jump in with a hug or invite you to a cafe. He simply behaves more affectionately than usual, says compliments, and reduces the distance. He can raise your salary, promote you, turn a blind eye to your mistakes, and so on. The employee begins to feel a sense of gratitude and importance. And then he gets a hint that all this is not selfish. The boss makes you feel how good it is to be on a special, good relationship with him. And how bad it is to “disobey” him. If you understand what I'm talking about. And now, instead of intrusive harassment, you get nagging, accusations of official inconsistency, and administrative penalties for the slightest offense.
And a very important point: if you flirt with someone at work, it will be very difficult to explain to your boss that you don’t want to flirt with him. It's almost impossible. Therefore, it is important: do not engage in frivolous conversations with colleagues. If you easily support such a conversation, then your colleagues or boss may decide that you don’t mind moving from words to action.
Here are the following answers offered by ordinary people who find themselves in similar situations:
Slap your boss and quit.
If nothing can be fixed, then quietly and peacefully resign.
Call his wife. And here there are many options: from scandal and threats to establishing friendly ties with his wife. And if you become her best friend, then she will definitely fall behind.
Contact the workers' protection society. I wonder if anyone tried it?
Show that there is an influential or strong person who can intercede. Let him pick you up from work or come visit you at work.
Have a good talk with your boss: explain that there is no need to interfere with work and personal life.
Introduce the manager to a special female person who can interrupt his interest in you.
Don't be alone with your boss unless the job requires it. Make up an excuse to shorten the time you spend with him, invite a colleague with you, or ask him to call you from time to time. Take a voice recorder with you.
A few direct hints about expensive gifts and he will understand that it is cheaper to pay for the services of call girls than to save up for gifts for you.
If your goal is to get rid of personal offers, choose a certain style of behavior. Make every effort and stop your boss, even if he claims that he hugged you because fatherly (friendly) feelings awoke in him. Make it clear to your boss (and preferably in the presence of your colleagues) that sexual relations at work are unacceptable for you, and there are no options. There are times when you can't control your anger.
When the boss pesters, the woman experiences terrible awkwardness. You don’t want to offend him with a refusal, and you’re afraid, since refusal in itself provokes a conflict. She decides to turn everything into a joke and thus avoid a direct answer. This is the main and most common mistake: the boss thinks that the girl is flirting with him, and he redoubles his efforts. You need to say “no” in such a way that it cannot be mistaken for a flirtatious “yes.” This means that the answer should be polite, but stern and without smiling.
Irina Davydova
Reading time: 7 minutes
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Those days when women only stood at the stove, nursed children and greeted breadwinners from work are gone. Today, no one can be surprised by a female boss. Moreover, the effectiveness of management does not depend at all on gender, but on personal leadership qualities, education and experience. But, of course, there are peculiarities in the work of a female chef.
Woman boss - classification of psychological types
Leader - “Man in a Skirt”
Such a boss is stingy with emotions. What she lacks in emotionality she more than makes up for with her authoritarianism in communicating with subordinates and her harsh attitude towards people and affairs. Such a businesswoman will never forget her “tight-knuckles” at home, and there is no smell of democracy at work - exchange of opinions and free expression of one’s thoughts are excluded by default. As a rule, employees of a subtle mental organization flee from such a team. Therefore, open fawning, quarrelsomeness and poking reign in him.
What to remember?
- Learn to be silent and control yourself.
- Do not allow the conversation to move from dialogue to other planes.
- Use the gift of persuasion.
Boss - “Mommy”
The boss from this category is the complete opposite of the previous one. No action is complete without emotions. The main weapon is charm. The employees are almost her children, and friendship and only friendship should reign in the team. Read more. Kindness and emotionality do not contribute to order in the team - there is always chaos there due to the hyper-liberality of “mommy”.
What to remember?
- Please only contact your boss directly with your problems and suggestions (not your colleagues).
- Omit the technical details in your “presentation” - explain your ideas at the level of emotional painting. If the boss is inspired by your heartfelt speech, the technical details will be resolved by themselves.
- The reprimands of such a boss usually represent women's grievances that are understandable to everyone. And you should respond to them accordingly. That is, turning not to the mind, but to the feelings.
Boss – “Enthusiast”
This situational type of leader is a workaholic woman who lives for success and victory. She will always be the first to arrive and the last to leave. There is paper chaos on her desk. In her memory – often too. Due to the abundance of information, she often forgets - about the specific responsibilities of her subordinates, the deadlines for completing tasks, etc. Compared to previous options, this one is not so bad. In any case, the forgetfulness of your superiors sometimes provides you with an extra day off, and you won’t have any special problems at work.
You've finally gotten a promotion at work and the manager's chair awaits you. What's it like to be someone's boss for the first time? There is no doubt that you are an excellent specialist, otherwise you would hardly be hired for a leadership position. But instead of joy from the long-awaited promotion, panic overtakes you: can I cope? Where will I lead the team or department? Will they listen to my orders? A lot depends on you. Let's look at the typical mistakes of novice managers.
The youngest… A common situation in modern companies: a manager is younger than his subordinates. Young people can have an excellent understanding of modern production technologies, business methods or PR, and management faculties have appeared in universities that allow them to immediately train “managers.” But how will older subordinates perceive the young boss? This is a difficult situation. Perhaps one of the older employees was aiming for the manager’s chair “due to length of service” and is now extremely dissatisfied that it did not go to him. There is also a great risk that a young leader will be perceived as a “boy” or “girl” who decided to “play at being a boss.”
“I turned out to be much younger than my subordinates,” Irina complains. - From the very beginning they took me with hostility, although, despite my young age, I have a lot of work experience. There was just no experience working with older people. I tried different methods: I asked them for advice, begged, convinced... They agree, nod, but still do it their own way. They address me as “you” and often call me “Irochka”.
What to do in such a seemingly losing situation? In fact, the case is quite typical and not as difficult to solve as it might seem. First of all, a young leader needs to deal with his fears. At work, biological age is a more than relative concept. In the department that you were put in charge of, you are now the senior one. This does not happen at a family dinner or at a council of elders where you are a “green newbie.” You are not the granddaughter or daughter of these people, your relationship is professional, and you are the head of their activities. If you have been appointed to this position, it means you are worthy and have the necessary qualifications. Change your internal position and you will see that the external balance of power also begins to change.
It’s better to immediately correctly put in your place people who are trying to call you “Irochka” or “Svetochka”: “Sorry, but I’m Irina Nikolaevna (Svetlana Gennadievna).” The form of address largely models the attitude towards a person. Irochka may be a waitress or a favorite niece, but there are no Irochka bosses.
Be firm but humane. It is important not to go to the other extreme. A common mistake of ambitious but immature managers is to compensate for the lack of experience and authority with a deliberately harsh attitude towards subordinates, bordering on rudeness and disdain. By setting unrealistic demands and a lot of meaningless prohibitions on your team from the very beginning (“Smoking no more than once every two hours!”, “The illness of a child is not considered a valid reason for early care!”), you will only achieve that you will be branded a tyrant. Find the strengths of your subordinates and praise them. It is important to find the right intonation: praise should not sound as if you want to “suck up”, and in no case should it be flattery, but only sincere recognition of a person’s professional merits.
In a mature team, it is important not to break all established traditions and technologies at once. People get used to established routines, and too much innovation causes them stress. There is a feeling that the new leader is going to “destroy the old world to its foundations, and then...”. It is important that your subordinates understand: you are not going to break anything, and the reorganization should bring changes for the better - including making their work easier and more efficient.
Your own among your own? After promotion, you will have to head the same department in which you worked as an ordinary employee. And your former colleagues will become your subordinates. This reversal of roles confuses both the future boss and his potential subordinates. It seems that the relationship has already been established, but... They were built on a horizontal level, but now you will begin to manage the actions of these people.
“I worked in the HR department as an ordinary recruiter,” says Arina. “The manager valued me highly and after a year and a half offered me the chair of her deputy, who had gone on maternity leave. I had to supervise the work of the girls with whom we had recently been drinking coffee and chatting during breaks. So that they would not think that I was arrogant, I tried to communicate with them as before in a friendly manner, without being too strict. As a result, tardiness and absenteeism began, and the department's performance dropped. I was reprimanded, and my style of communication with female employees had to be urgently changed.”
Difficulties are almost guaranteed if, before your promotion, you communicated closely with colleagues and shared details of your private life - from going to bars to a difficult relationship with your mother... The basic rule of construction: work and personal life should, if possible, exist separately. You've probably noticed: the higher a person's position, the less employees know about him.
You need to be prepared for the fact that now the distance with your colleagues will increase. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately take an arrogant tone and pretend that your communication “as equals” never existed - this will only cause rejection. However, stories about fun parties or personal troubles will have to stop. Indulging your subordinates in everything - covering up lateness, giving time off on demand - is also not worth it. Subordinates will simply sit on the neck of a gentle leader, or take advantage of his weakness and “go around the corner” - and the boss’s chair will soon be occupied by someone who is not afraid to be strict.
Don't make a fuss! Many of us have in our heads the image of a business rocket man who does not eat, does not sleep and rushes at cosmic speed from one negotiation to another, throwing abrupt remarks to his subordinates along the way. For some reason, it seems to us that this is exactly what a real one should look like: almost like Superman. But this image, for all its attractiveness, is completely wrong. People who reach high positions usually behave quite respectably. You shouldn't give out useless tasks just to imitate busy activity. Throwing around instructions without delving into the details at all, because this is the work of “narrow specialists,” is also dangerous. The more often you show your incompetence, the sooner you will lose the respect of your employees.
Hyper-responsibility is a sign of a bad boss. Subordinates exist precisely to delegate tasks to them. It is likely that most of them are competent people who are good at their jobs. There is no need to control everything down to the smallest detail, meticulously delving into the process of everyone’s work. In this way, you will take on the work of the entire department, and take away the initiative from your subordinates. There is also a great risk that, under your vigilant control, they will soon lose their sense of responsibility for their area of work: why, if the boss double-checks everything and reports to senior management? Over time, you will learn their strengths, areas in which they may be better than you, and weaknesses - those that are worth monitoring.
The ability to admit one’s mistakes and see someone else’s point of view is also an indispensable skill of a good leader. Confidence is not the same as infallibility. All big bosses once sat in their chair for the first time at the big boss’s desk, and they hardly felt comfortable doing so. But they learned from their own mistakes and managed to develop their leadership skills. You can do it too.
And this statement cannot be called unreasoned: indeed, constant stay in one team, where there are no conditions for manifestations of jealousy, and there are a lot of reasons for its occurrence, is not easy for each of the participants. And yet, practice remains indifferent to the logic of convenience in relationships between a man and a woman: in almost every company there are several examples of love that has arisen between employees of the same department.
What difficulties might there be?
The main difficulty in such relationships is not to make a mistake in assessing the attention shown by one of the colleagues to the other. And if a woman in the office can still behave quite secretly, without in any way betraying her sympathy for the employee sitting next to her, then the actions of a lover in the office can be seen with the naked eye. What distinguishes such a man from other colleagues who simply sympathize with a charming employee?
First of all, it is easy to determine that a man is in love with his colleague if you pay attention to the amount of time he spends next to her. At official corporate events, he will certainly arrange himself either so that he can see the object of his affections, or directly next to her. At the same time, he will try in every possible way not to openly show his feelings: he is unlikely to invite her to dance, but, like a gentleman, he will certainly be the first to fill her glass. A colleague in love will most likely not volunteer to accompany his beloved to the house, but he will definitely make sure that she gets home without incident. If he becomes aware that the flighty conqueror of his heart is not heading home after the end of the next corporate party, then the next day he will show up at the office in the worst mood. Provided that he does not accidentally end up in the same nightclub as her, where he is already filled with the magic of a cheerful atmosphere, he will be able to demonstrate to his colleague how touching his attitude towards her is.
Further, even after several casual kisses or frank conversations, a man in love in the office will be afraid to publicly demonstrate his feelings at work. This masculine quality very often became the reason for delaying the start of very serious and long-term relationships. The problem is not that the man was just flirting with his colleague at the club at night. His experiences are much deeper: being constantly under the supervision of team members who are eager for intriguing events, he simply strives to maintain his personal space, which falling in love certainly makes especially vulnerable. Here everything depends on the woman herself: if she notices the attentive glances of her colleague, his constant attention to her affairs and the constant desire to be somewhere near her, then to develop the relationship she needs to do only one thing: talk to him, starting with own likes or dislikes towards him.
How else to distinguish such a man in the company from other colleagues?
It's simple: he is certainly interested in every little thing related to the life of the chosen one of his heart. The behavior of a man in love in the office is often dictated by factors that he himself is rarely aware of. Therefore, he is unlikely to be able to hide his emotions from public attention. One of the most striking signs of such a man’s love is interest: he will always ask that same colleague how her day was, or what’s going on with her next project. Moreover, being carried away, such a colleague will certainly be aware of all the work plans of the employee who charmed him and will try to protect her as much as possible from disappointments. She can safely turn to him not only for the necessary advice, but also for the most serious help. A man in love cannot imagine anything more exciting than working with her on a specific project. But here a danger awaits both: if something in the process of work does not go as the man expected, then the result may be unpredictable - from a complete loss of interest on his part, to the transformation of warm love into a burning, cold, prickly hatred.
A few typical actions.
The actions of a man in love in the office are permeated with attention not only to his beloved. In an effort to hide his feelings, which he considers unrequited by default, he will show a keen interest in the affairs of each of his colleagues. Just to equalize the degree of attention shown. Of course, he will not be able to completely achieve balance, but this will certainly confuse employees in terms of determining who their colleague is in love with. Although determining this is not as difficult as it seems: by looking. A man in love loves to look at the object of his desires. Especially when he believes that no one is watching him. Therefore, when choosing a new workplace, he will certainly prefer a table located behind his beloved’s place, and during a smoke break with friends, he will choose the point from which the place for smoking or drinking tea in the female part of the office is best visible.
The behavior of a man in love is necessarily entangled in fears, regardless of whether his beloved becomes a colleague or a stranger seen in the window of a passing bus. It is in the office that these fears will be most noticeable and dangerous for the admirer himself in terms of career prospects. And the point here is not so much the publicity of the development of the relationship or the threat of being exposed in the eyes of the beloved by one of his colleagues, and not personally. The problem is the constant raising of doubts. Seeing a desirable woman every day, knowing who likes her and who doesn’t, assessing her abilities and upbringing, and maintaining objectivity of views is not just difficult - almost impossible. And unlike a woman, a man understands this perfectly. That's why he's afraid. And a frightened lover very often behaves unpredictably. It is characterized by sharp outbursts of irritation. Or vice versa - a smile that never leaves the face, reminiscent of either a grin or childish joy from buying a new toy. But more often than not, a man in love in the office behaves with emphatic restraint, noticeably trying to keep his accumulated emotions under control.
Does your boss compliment you more often than usual? Perhaps he bombards you with messages on the weekends or laughs at every joke you make, even if it's not entirely successful. If you nodded after reading all the points above, your boss probably has a crush on you.
From the point of view of corporate ethics, this can be fraught. Ultimately, all this courting and flirting can have extremely negative consequences for your work. If you want to be informed before a bolt from the blue strikes, join us in reading our publication.
1. You feel it on an intuitive level.
Some inexplicable sixth sense tells you that the boss is interested in you not only as an employee. Psychologists say that your subconscious may not be deceiving after all. This feeling does not arise spontaneously; it consists of several factors, emotional or physical. If you experience discomfort and irritation, this may be a warning sign.
2. He flirts
In the case of flirting in the workplace, it is necessary to take into account the characteristics of each individual person. If your boss is used to flirting with every lady in the office and doesn’t even ignore the cleaning lady, this is not a reason to panic. But if he is not indifferent exclusively to your person, then you should think about it. Who is he, a ladies' man or a person who has certain designs on you? If you are inclined to the second option, try to track your own actions. Perhaps you have a habit of smiling often, or have you ever accidentally flirted cutely? What if a person took all this as a signal to action? 
3. He regularly invites you to private events.
Are your corporate meetings becoming more and more casual? This is another reason to think. Well, if private events have expanded in time frame and almost crawled past midnight, then this is a clear hint. Keep in mind that if you indulge his whims and attend all these events, you will only make the situation worse.
4. He calls or texts for no particular reason.
Most managers have busy schedules, so they have no time to be distracted by casual calls for no reason. If your boss does this, he's probably thinking a little more about you than he should. 
5. He sends nonverbal signals.
If you have suspicions, watch his body language or looks. Perhaps he is trying to establish prolonged eye contact, and this makes you nervous and irritated. This may flatter you, just think about the consequences.
6. Your boss gives you some favors.
Perhaps you are truly a golden employee, whom any boss will shower with bonuses and benefits. But if you really look at things and see that this time you didn’t deserve any concessions, then the matter is not pure. A boss in love tends to give his crush better projects, he may be a little more mentoring and supportive, and offer more flexible hours, benefits, and salary increases. He may even turn a blind eye to your mistakes and miscalculations. But according to experts, favoritism in the workplace only causes anger and envy among colleagues.
7. He trusts you
It’s strange if you are aware of your boss’s confidential affairs and even know where he plans to invest his finances. Does anyone else in the office know this? He trusts you because he wants to strengthen your relationship and take it to the next level. 
8. You get inflated promises from him.
A boss who has designs on you may act in his own selfish interests. At first he intrigues you, promises mountains of gold and quick advancement up the career ladder, and then he delays too long with what he promised. Take off your rose-colored glasses and look reality in the face.
9. He arranges a personal meeting with you.
A little earlier we talked about private events. The next step in rapprochement is an invitation to a personal meeting outside the office. Even ordinary coffee after work already leads to certain thoughts.
10. He suddenly changes his image
Previously, you thought that your boss was a terrible conservative who had a couple of classic suits and several ties in his wardrobe. But now you began to notice dramatic changes in his image. He recently visited a hairdresser and decided to get a fashionable haircut. He always smells of perfume, and his costumes now change every day. He clearly wants to please someone. 
11. He values your opinion more than anyone else's.
Here you also need to look at your level of qualifications. You are probably a valuable advisor, and it is impossible not to listen to you. But if your boss asked you for your opinion regarding his personal life, this could be a simple ploy in the hope of getting the necessary information out of you and testing the waters.
12. He compliments you on your appearance.
If your boss is an old-school person, he may not be aware of the new principles of corporate ethics. He will easily give you compliments, the lion's share of which will not concern your professional traits. But he will notice your irresistible appearance, sense of style and extraordinary inner qualities.
13. Your boss gives you gifts.
All employees in your company received a motivational mug for Valentine's Day that said, “We love our employees.” Well, you got a box of chocolates in the shape of a heart. 
14. He seeks physical contact
Your boss too often finds himself in your personal space and accidentally puts his arm around your waist during a conversation. Sitting next to you and convincing you of something, he may put his hand on your knee. This is too clear a hint.
15. He laughs easily and for a long time at your jokes.
Excessively effusive laughter is also a barometer of your boss's intentions.
16. He makes fun of you
Humor is necessary in the workplace; it allows you to build trusting relationships between employees and is a kind of release. However, there is a difference between subtle humor and grinning at you.
