without fighting the system?

Practical situation .

Is the situation described below a conflict (justify your answer). If the situation is a conflict , describe its structure, dynamics, as well as possible reasons occurrence. Otherwise, answer the question: what needs to be done to prevent the brewing conflict?

Nastya, a student of grade 11-A, is competing for a gold medal. This medal is very important for a girl: a poor family does not have money for courses and tutors to prepare well for admission, and the medal provides very sensitive benefits when entering a university. During the algebra test, Nastya sat on the first desk in front of the teacher’s desk. When she was solving the last, most difficult problem on a draft, another candidate for the medal, Lisa, the daughter of one of the teachers, approached the teacher’s table. The teacher began dictating this task to her in a low voice. Nastya looked sideways at them and continued to decide, but then the teacher drew attention to her and, looking at the notes in the draft, said: “I don’t understand - did someone allow you to listen to us?” The teacher took Nastya’s draft and returned it at the next lesson with a grade of “2” for cheating. Nastya went to complain to the director, the teacher was “called in for a conversation,” but she said that Nastya was cheating while she was explaining an unclearly formulated assignment to Lisa. They also called Lisa to the director, who confirmed the teacher’s words.

My answer.

Olya definitely this situation is conflicting.

And now I will try to rotate it 360 degrees. I'll show you all the hidden nuances of this conflict. But, which significantly influence the outcome and the final result.

And so let's go!

If we start from the external side of what happened. Let's look at all the behavioral manifestations of people (Nastya, the teacher, Lisa and the director) involved in this process.

Then we can definitely say that the teacher is to blame. After all, it was she who was not afraid to cause “fire” on herself by giving the girl a bad mark, despite all her efforts. And at the same time, she also secured double support - from Lisa and the director.

I told my children (ages 30 and 25) and my 14-year-old grandson about this situation. I was curious about their vision. And most importantly, I wanted to hear their verdict on what happened.

As if by agreement, everyone answered in unison that it was her fault in this conflict - of course, a teacher. This is her “radish”! Because she did it wrong, giving a bad grade to a successful student.

Somewhere I even agreed with them. After all, in fact, at that moment, the teacher gave herself a bad mark. So, in this case, Nastya is a product exclusively of her activities. Especially at the stage of summing up the overall results. But this is only the outer side of our iceberg.

What is surprising is that approximately 90% of people living on earth assess conflict and conflict situations this way , in which they find themselves.

Those. they immediately look for (to put it roughly) their “goat.” Namely the person who is to blame for their unfortunate fate. Hence their troubles. Consequently, protracted conflicts , which, oddly enough, don’t go anywhere. They simply migrate with a person from era to era.

And for some reason people don’t have the time to look behind the curtain of such processes. Their stubborn reluctance to look at these actions from the other side. Approach resolution of your conflicts without blaming the outside party. After all, this is where it is located The key to quality conflict resolution of any complexity.

That’s why I want to take advantage of Olya’s request. It is in this conflict situation that I will reveal the essence of this approach. So that you can clearly see how any conflict can be resolved efficiently, without “bloodshed” or unnecessary loss of energy. At the same time, always getting the desired result is easy and joyful.

The most interesting thing is that to resolve any conflict There is no need to go to the barricades at all. There is no need to prove to anyone that you are not a “camel”.

It is enough just to turn your gaze into the depths of yourself, realize the essence of what happened and make a new choice.

It is now that I will demonstrate this option to you using Nastya’s example.

But first, a little test for you.

Example.

The girl is 5 years old and she was raped.

The problem asks – Who is to blame for this situation?

— The rapist, the mother who didn’t notice, or the girl herself?

As a rule, in my trainings people say that the rapist is to blame. Someone's mother is to blame. Because she was conniving about the freedom given to the girl.

But my answer lies on a different plane. Very often it shocks many people.

When I say that this situation was provoked by the girl herself.

That she was the one who unconsciously chose to be raped.

So now I have bad news for Nastya.

For conflict situation, in which she found herself, oddly enough, unconsciously provoked by her too.

Moreover, in this process, it twice contributed to both the birth and intensification of the conflict.

The first time, (of course, unconsciously). This happened at the moment when she glanced sideways at the teacher and Lisa.

Most likely, it was in this look that there was something that so strongly “excited” the EGO of the school clerk. I assume that this was some kind of assessment on Nastya’s side of the teacher’s behavior.

I admit that Nastya might not have noticed this or simply did not pay attention to the essence of her inner message.

But teachers, as a rule, are people with a heightened psyche and a powerful EGO.

Therefore, such nuances are caught on the fly.

So, that's not surprising!

Why did the teacher react so quickly to her gaze? And the given two is only a confirmation of what was said above.

The second time, Nastya further strengthened this conflict, when I went to the director and began to voice my truth.

And what lies behind this intention?!

Well, of course - the position of proving one’s rightness. Consisting of an unfair approach from a teacher to a student. Where is the teacher's power, as always, many times stronger than the most truthful truth (excuse me, butter) of the student.

Of course, in this situation, you can hit the “wall”. And reacting painfully to the collusion of the system (teacher, student, school teacher and director) to continue to fight further. For example, go to higher organizations (department of education).

It’s just important to always remember that fish rots from the head.

And that the proof strategy, most often, does not bring the desired result. Especially in the fight against systems. And if you look at our life, you will see confirmation of my words at every corner.

So, the position of evidence in any conflict is always flawed. And even more so, to fight the systems means dooming yourself to a long, painful process. And the most important thing is that it is not a fact that you will win it.

Now V this conflict situation, Nastina Pride and the teacher’s EGO essentially met. Pride is always touchy and, at the same time, picky and looks down on everything. But the Ego, with the powerful support of the human Mind, turns out to be many times stronger in this “duel”.

Moreover, people are “sharpened” on ideality (ideal student, ideal relationship, ideal behavior...), as a rule, most often turn out to be victims in this conflict or in other words, an ideal not ideal world.

Because it is precisely they who carry within themselves a powerful disagreement with what their eyes see.

And I think that our heroine is no exception to general rules, in this earthly game. That is why the teacher, endowed with power, used this tool so easily.

Hence the conclusion. The launched process in order to prove that one is right is nothing more than a fight against “windmills”.

It is better and more correct to sit on a “stump”, eat a “pie” and realize the essence of everything that happened.

For this purpose, I offer my helping questions:

— Why did I choose to be in this conflict?

— What is the essence of the hidden benefit from this conflict?

— What did this experience teach me?

— What lessons did I learn from this situation?

— What do I want to change in my life strategy in the future, when I achieve

desired result?

If Nastya does not lie to herself in her answers, then she will very quickly see the benefit hidden for herself (and there is definitely a benefit). And this will help her quickly correct this situation.

In this case, there is no need to deal with the offenders at all. Correcting the emotional reaction by relieving internal tension will allow you to look at this conflict more freely and from different angles. And this means which is the solution something non-trivial may come.

And if you fill yourself with a new desire, then you won’t need any special actions.

The Universe itself will do 80% of the necessary actions for a person. And the remaining 20% ​​spent on the implementation of your plans will bring easy and joyful results.

For dessert I want to make one more emphasis.

It is important to know and understand that the outside world is always our mirrors. They reflect the essence of our internal “puzzles”, conflicts. Which we carry in the depths of our consciousness. And, which are very strongly related to our past history. But due to various reasons We either don't realize it. Or we consciously don’t want to touch this unpleasant past of ours.

For example, how can a woman agree with a man yelling at her? Indeed, at such moments, she does not even admit the thought that in this “mirror” she sees exclusively her reflection. After all, it's hers internal discontent, something or someone reflected this man.

Just like Nastya now finds it difficult to agree with the deuce given. Her world of beliefs does not agree with the fact that the teacher’s “mirror” reflected her deep disagreement with the teacher’s behavior and the system as a whole.

This is why students consciously and unconsciously fight against this system. And above all, by my reluctance to learn.

Only perfectionism (excellent student syndrome) is also one of the varieties of this struggle and disagreement. Only in a more veiled form.

Therefore, as long as we are looking for those responsible for our troubles in outside world. We do not take responsibility for what happened. We always let's be victims in eternal struggle.

Well, as always, don’t believe me.

Just check it with your own experience.

And feel free to share your observations and results.

And now I say bye and see you again.

I was with you Penyaicheva Lyubov.

Find mutual language It’s not so easy with all your classmates at once. Due to different upbringing, character, and different outlooks on life, conflicts often occur among students.

IN primary school Conflicts between students are of a very harmless nature. A boy pulled a girl’s pigtail, someone shot a paper ball from a pen at his desk neighbor - such disagreements are instantly forgotten by children, and within a few minutes the warring parties can become true friends for each other.

As students grow up, their circle of interests expands; they begin to understand betrayal and friendship well, so they constantly evaluate each other’s spiritual qualities. Here the conflict can already gain serious momentum and even develop into a real brawl.

An example of a conflict situation between students can be clearly seen using the example of the famous feature film"Scarecrow." There main character becomes a real outcast of the class and is constantly subjected to severe persecution from his classmates. No matter what the girl does, the offensive nickname - scarecrow - is already firmly attached to her.

Unfortunately, similar situations occur quite often in real life. When one student becomes hated by the entire class, it becomes unbearable for him to continue to exist in such a group. The so-called outcasts prefer to change their place of study instead of trying to change anything about themselves.

The reason for hatred from classmates can be the child's denunciations to teachers. In almost every class there is a real sneak who, at the first opportunity, gladly pawns all his friends to the school authorities. The class must be a single team. What children value most in their friends is loyalty.

If one of the students is caught slandering, he is immediately added to the list of real traitors. Unfortunately, there are often cases when classmates use not only insults, but also fists against such informers. It seems necessary to the children to teach the sneak a lesson so that in future he will change his line of behavior. Teachers, of course, must suppress any assault in the classroom and beyond, because the school is directly responsible for the life and health of all students without exception.

Also, most children do not like arrogance. Often the top students in the class put themselves above their peers and, when the opportunity arises, try to show the rest of the kids in their place. Such arrogant behavior of a child can result in serious conflict, and the offender will certainly be punished. Moreover, there are always many more bad students than excellent students, and they are always very supportive of each other.

The eternal war between excellent students and poor students takes place in every class. Poor students, of course, feel envy of their more successful classmates. Conflict situation It is also fueled by teachers who publicly begin to praise some and shame others.

In addition, excellent students usually do not like to be cheated, and, therefore, are automatically recorded as personal enemies by poor students. Some guys even manage to set up excellent students. For example, you can quietly replace test arrogant people or publicly ridicule him right in the middle of the lesson.

Various taunts are also used - stick a piece of paper on your back with hurtful words, suddenly removing a chair right from under your enemy, placing a pie with jam on the seat - the list of various kinds of jokes is inexhaustible and depends only on the child’s wild imagination.

However, excellent students do not always become class outcasts. Some guys manage to study well and at the same time pay enough attention to their school friends. A poor student will always appreciate it if a classmate tries to help him pull up all the stops. Despite young age, students are already good at truly appreciating devotion and good attitude to yourself.

If a conflict occurs right during a lesson, the teacher will always intervene in the situation and calm down the raging classmates. But what if the fight happens outside of school? The student may be seriously injured, and there will be no one to separate the fighting students. Most often, during such clashes, there is a tendency for classmates to not interfere.

That is, students will stand and silently watch the picture of their peers fighting. It is almost impossible for parents to keep an eye on their child all the time, especially if the student is already in high school. That is why it is necessary with early childhood instill in your child the correct concepts about life, teach him how to be friends and find a common language with his peers.

Student-student conflicts at school occur over anything. Someone looked askance, a classmate took the girl away or did not allow her to cheat during a test - the reasons for disagreements between students can be the same as in adult life. At school, you can make enemies with some students, but you can also make friends for the rest of your life. The main thing is, no matter what, always remain human and try to help your classmates in difficult times.

Conflict between students - quite common occurrence. Parents must definitely teach their child how to get out of such situations with dignity, so as not to further aggravate the conflict.