If you have never experienced the hostility of your colleagues, consider yourself lucky. But what to do if hostility is not only obvious, but has also turned into deliberate psychological bullying? Since this phenomenon is quite common, there was even a wording for it: mobbing (from the English mob - crowd). This is a form of psychological pressure and violence in the form of bullying an employee in a team, the goal of which is to achieve his dismissal.
How does this manifest itself?
- Reluctance to communicate. Colleagues openly ignore you or communicate only on certain topics that are beneficial to them.
- Derogatory attitude. Colleagues talk to you condescendingly, devalue any of your statements and proposals, and can humiliate you in the presence of a large number of people.
- Ignoring your professional requests. Your bosses (or colleagues) do not accept your work-related wishes and requests.
- Presenting you in an unfavorable light to your superiors. And at every opportunity. Focusing on mistakes, delays, etc.
Under what conditions can such a situation flourish?
- High staff turnover.
- Low level of professionalism of the manager.
- Lack of motivation system.
- Promotion depends more on a good relationship with your boss than on professional skills.
- There are no clear boundaries of employee responsibilities.
- The company is a family business.
- The team is divided into several camps, and you are immediately offered to be friends against someone.
- There is a preconceived idea that you are not suitable for this team, but someone else (and quite specific) would be suitable.
How serious is this?
Very seriously. Especially if the reason is not in you: your professional incompetence or unpleasant personal qualities, but in the fact that you obviously do not belong in this team. And those who hired you do not attach any importance to the fact that the conditions described above have developed in the team.
According to psychologists, people who put pressure on others are not confident that they can establish themselves at work only through professionalism. Thus, they insure the stability of their position in additional ways, namely by “knocking out” the competitor from the fight. The form of bullying can be either hidden (gossip and intrigue) or overt (creating an unbearable environment), but its essence is deliberate psychological pressure in order to get rid of an unwanted person. If bullying is organized against you, any of your actions, words and deeds will obviously cause a negative reaction, and all your attempts to prove your professional and social worth are doomed to failure.
What does this mean?
If you are subjected to psychological bullying from colleagues, then it is obvious that you are in a situation of long-term psychological . These are the problems that will likely arise if you passively endure and do not change anything in this situation.
Health problems
There is a clear connection between the negative emotions we experience and our body's response to them. Many health problems are rooted in the experienced humiliation, insults and worries about this. These include:
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Problems with the cardiovascular system
- Blood pressure problems, cerebrovascular accidents
- Problems with sexual desire
- Neurological problems
- Exacerbation of chronic diseases
- Problems with vitality, up to clinical depression.
This is not a complete list, psychosomatic disorders are always individual, and a weakened nervous system certainly makes itself felt through the “weak points” of your body. This relationship is easy to feel if you listen to his alarm signals.
Mental problems
Being in a hostile environment day after day, you cannot even count on simple human attention. It is not surprising that over time, faith in your own strengths may weaken, you will begin to withdraw into yourself, experiencing a feeling of helplessness and loneliness. Obviously, the psyche is the first to suffer from aggression, but the thing is that natural reactions, being suppressed or blocked at the right moment, lead to problems on the emotional level that a person is not immediately aware of. Among them:
- to a critical level.
- Emotional dullness, that is, weakening of emotional activity and reactivity, reluctance to experience emotions, enter into emotional contact with people, apathy.
- Emotional disability, that is, the inability to create and maintain close relationships, inappropriate behavior in which apathy alternates with outbursts of anger, hysteria, phobias, etc.
Problems with personal actualization
Any behavior that is aimed at causing us to feel resentment, anxiety, anger, suffering, etc. is manipulative. It does not always represent pure evil for us. If you know how to resist this behavior, then you develop fighting qualities in yourself. However, all the insults, humiliations and emotional wounds that are inflicted on us, obviously or subtly, strike the main goal: our self-esteem. And this feeling has enormous significance, even if life forces you to constantly “throw it away” and not think about it. So think about these possible consequences:
Fear. If you have been accustomed to being afraid since childhood, you can carry this flaw throughout your life. Usually, for bullying in a team, from childhood they choose the weak, the one who cannot stand up for himself. “Victim mentality” is a serious violation, but it benefits too many in this cruel world. It may be that you have a strong character, but circumstances were not in your favor, and you became a victim in someone else's game. In this case, other fears begin to dominate you: fear of being left without a job, not being able to prove your professional worth, etc. These fears, of course, are understandable, but they suppress the best in you, make you forget about self-respect and make you your own enemy.
Unconscious copying. It can be common for a person to behave in the same way as they behaved with him, and “turn on” this behavior not when required, but arbitrarily. For example, when a person is yelled at, after some time he will definitely yell at another. He was treated without respect, ignored - and he will copy this behavior towards another. They distanced themselves from him, did not support him at the right moment - and he, too, will show indifference to someone. A vicious chain reaction ensues. Such behavior will never become constructive and will always create problems because it is inherently vicious.
Feeling of self-worth. When a person does not feel smart enough, capable, skillful, impeccable, in a word - “good”, then he has three options. First: realize that there will be people who will love him just like that, and continue to develop calmly. It would seem that this is the most successful option, but due to the total lack of love, many can only dream about it. Second: withdraw into yourself, left alone with your problems, complexes, feelings of insecurity and loneliness. This process will further alienate him from those around him, and its consequences are unpredictable. Third: try to overcome your inferiority complex according to the principle: “they knock out a wedge with a wedge.” In this case, a person needs confirmation of his own importance in something else, and if there are also problems with this, then self-affirmation at the expense of others. There are plenty of examples of this, they are extremely diverse.
Read about how to resist psychological pressure.
Mobbing is collective psychological terror, bullying against one of the employees by his colleagues, subordinates or superiors, carried out with the aim of forcing him/her to leave his/her place of work. The means to achieve the goal are the spread of rumors, intimidation, social isolation and especially humiliation.
People who become victims of mobbing often change jobs: either they leave after a probationary period, or after a few months or a year.
The consequences of the resulting psychological stress can be serious. Low self-esteem is the smallest problem on the list of sufferings. People can experience bullying so strongly that they have a heart attack or commit suicide. Such cases are known.
It is not without reason that some European countries, for example, Germany, France, and Sweden, have adopted laws on moral harassment in the workplace, protecting victims of mobbing. Here, mobbing is stipulated in employment contracts, and if it actually took place, the employer pays the victim financial compensation. In Russia you have to fend for yourself.
Every team always develops some unspoken rules and traditions. You should respect them, even if you don't like them. Disregard for the opinion of the majority will certainly affect the attitude towards you. Observe who communicates how, who goes to lunch with whom, who is asked for advice, what they do when they are late for work, is it customary to stay late in the office, make personal phone calls, etc. d. All this will help you quickly become part of the new team.
Be formally polite to everyone, especially if you are new. Communicate with the team as smoothly and formally as possible. Do not try to impose your emotional disposition, get involved in internal squabbles, or attract unnecessary attention with extravagant behavior, etc. Avoid situations that may give rise to gossip. Remember, today’s sympathetic and friendly colleague may well turn out to be an envious enemy tomorrow.
The generator of ideas is always a specific person. Usually this is an informal leader surrounded by a retinue. Sometimes the problem can be resolved by talking with the mastermind of the boycott. After all, often the perpetrators of mobbing do not even realize the real reason for their persecution of one person. There is no need to be too frank in a conversation. A conversation can show the pursuer your sore spots, which can later be used for attacks.
A request for help with work can pull the rug out from under the mobber’s feet. Usually “executioners” like to “condescend” to the victim. Seeing your interest in your professional qualities, the tormentor, having satisfied his ambitions, will change his anger to mercy.
There were many cases when, after such a frank conversation, former enemies became close associates.
If you encounter mobbing, wait and remain calm. If it is difficult for mobbers to get a reaction from you, then they will not be interested in “harassing” you. The main thing is not to be afraid of anyone. If you break into screams and scandals, this will only please your tormentors. There is no need to give them a holiday. Otherwise, they will provoke you again and again.
Don't put on yourself the labels that are put on you. Don’t think that you are left completely alone and everyone has turned away from you. You still have old friends, colleagues from other departments, family. Remember what successes you have achieved in life.
Seeing how one of the team members suffers from mobbing, do not stand by indifferently. Tomorrow the problem may affect you too. Never support employees if it is clear that one of them wants to denigrate one of their colleagues. It is advisable to have your own opinion about each of your colleagues and defend it. Try to identify other employees who, like you, have a negative attitude towards mobbing. Try to create your own group. Think about how to unite your colleagues in the fight against the instigator of bullying. A friendly team has every chance to win
If you hate me at work
What to do if suddenly everyone at work begins to hate you.
There is no place for collectivists on the African savannah. It is more convenient to act on the principle of “every man for himself”: there is less responsibility. And if they eat it, no one will regret it. Therefore, zoologists were very surprised when they encountered the phenomenon of mobbing: an attack by a group of animals on a lonely fellow. Psychologists were even more amazed when they learned that mobbing is also present in human society. Moreover, according to statistics, it occurs in every fifth team. Our task is to warn you and arm you with the latest methods of combating this phenomenon.
This works with varying degrees of success, but the real surprise comes when even the most positive qualities and actions, instead of admiration, cause irritation and even hatred. It is quite possible that these are the first signs of mobing, or simply bullying. Its goal is to survive a person from the team, completely erasing him from the staffing table and the list of employees.
To get on the list of enemies, you don’t have to spill carrot juice on a co-worker or trip him in the hallway. He will do everything necessary for you himself. He will look at your payroll to compare your salary with his, or he will hear you flirting with the secretary to whom he wanted to propose marriage. You can cross someone else's path by simply getting a position that one of the old-timers of the company has been counting on for a long time.
There is only one result: the offended person begins to hatch insidious plans for revenge. If he enjoys formal or informal authority in the team, the rest of his colleagues quickly unite around him, and revenge becomes everyone’s business.
The imagination of Mobers is limited by the degree of their intellectual development. And, of course, official position.
It is not recommended to hire the general director of the company as the main spiteful critic: the persecution will be ridiculously short. The most common mobbing weapon is as banal as it is effective. This is gossip that is carefully cultivated and spread through curious ears. It is enough to appear in the office with circles under your eyes, and a rumor will immediately spread among your colleagues that you have been drinking for the fifth day, mixing single malt whiskey with Zhiguli beer.
If you drive up to the office in a new car, you will immediately be labeled as a bribe-taker and destined for a dizzying criminal career. Another option for mobbing is petty sabotage. It can be obvious - bent paper clips in a table, sharp buttons on a chair, or a virus launched into your computer. Hidden sabotage is the most dangerous. This is when you think that your instructions are being followed, but instead of results you get round eyes and complaints of multiple sclerosis and early Alzheimer's.
The mobsters will do everything to pin this miscalculation on you and report it to management. Even if you manage to prove your innocence, the residue will remain.
All these efforts will lead to the fact that any of your actions will be assessed negatively. Didn't stay after work? Does not care about the interests of the company. Remained? Can't cope with work during regular hours. In general, your every breath will be accompanied by criticism and minor quibbles, which will only grow over time. If you are mobbed, you will quickly find yourself in social isolation. Psychologists note that in such situations a person quickly loses his bearings and becomes increasingly helpless and insecure. Chronic stress and accompanying symptoms are formed - headache, insomnia, circulatory disorders, etc. At work, everything falls out of hand, any enthusiasm completely disappears.
As a result, it is easier to change jobs than to continue working in such conditions.
To clearly understand what you have to fight with, imagine that you are walking near a group of Spartak fans. At the same time, you are dressed in a red and blue color scheme. For the purity of the experiment, you can mentally shout: “CSKA is the champion.” You need to decide whether to run away or fight very quickly; fortunately, you only need to evaluate two things. First, your strengths: are you ready to fight alone against the team? Secondly, how much do you love and value your football team (or workplace): is it worth starting a war over?
If the answer to at least one of these questions is negative, the best option is to write a letter of resignation. It is unlikely that anyone will blame you for cowardice or lack of will for refusing to fight an aggressive crowd for an empty idea. If you are determined to fight, take our advice into account.
If, with a sufficient level of anger, you complain about a bad memory, start writing down all the insults inflicted on you. Keep a diary for this purpose. So write: “Today at 11:24 Ivanov insidiously stepped on my foot, after which he laughed in my face. Bastard." German psychologists advise doing this.
Recorded attacks will help assess the strength of the opponents, understand who exactly belongs to them, what the role of each person involved is, and whether the attack can be called well-planned and systematic. In addition, having before your eyes the actual scheme of military operations, you will be able to develop a set of response measures.
Almost certainly the initiative comes (or originally came) from one person. Perhaps, even without analyzing your records, you will be able to identify him - most likely, this is the one with whom you have an unresolved conflict. Now is the time to try to establish contact with the ringleader and eliminate the quarrel. Perhaps a confidential or, conversely, tough conversation will help out. If the instigator is a truly authoritative person, the mobbing should come to naught.
In ancient Roman stadiums, even after the most boring fights, there were citizens who raised their thumbs up out of a desire to save the lives of careless gladiators. Among your attacking colleagues, there will probably also be those who deep down sympathize with you and remain silent during the discussion of your new polka dot tie. By getting close to them, you will practically introduce a saboteur behind enemy lines. From now on, when talking about your odious person, sometimes approving voices will be heard.
It is likely that you are not the only one who is being mobbed in your friendly team. If one of your colleagues is also constantly forced to endure attacks and provocations from colleagues, you and he will probably have a couple of common topics of conversation. It is unlikely that you will be able to form an invincible alliance, but at least you will have a psychological outlet that will help you cope with other problems faster.
Even if the office has turned into a psychological battlefield for you, this does not mean that you need to forget about work. Your opponents are just waiting for you, carried away by the confrontation with them, to begin to ignore your immediate responsibilities. Believe me, run to your boss shouting: “Ivanov again failed to supply pumps to the regions!” - will be the greatest joy for them. It is clearly in your best interest to avoid this. Having started a war with colleagues who dislike you, work as if your life directly depends on it. By the way, in some sense this is true.
Any competent manager understands that mobbing in his team is harmful to business. Naturally, he will try to prevent it. Therefore, after a particularly insidious provocation, do not hesitate to draw the boss’s attention to it. Most likely, he will intervene (unless, of course, he is the main mobster, although in this case you are already looking for a new job). And in general, since they are trying in every possible way to denigrate you in front of your superiors, at the first opportunity, demonstrate your whiteness and fluffiness. But it is better to avoid retaliatory attacks towards colleagues - even in war, not all means are good.
Having achieved a more or less high position, you actually exclude yourself from the number of potential targets of mobing. However, looking down on the mouse fuss of your subordinates is the worst thing a boss can do. Mobing is detrimental to the team as a whole. Talking about work in conditions when most of the employees are busy spreading rumors and weaving intrigues is simply pointless. Therefore, to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of mobing in the team entrusted to you, take into account the following.
If you can somehow influence the selection of personnel, introduce a strict taboo on hiring relatives and old friends of your employees. The presence of clans naturally leads to the emergence among them of a sense of their own elitism and impunity. Practice shows that it is among such harmonious “infighters” that Mober initiatives most often arise. True, the situation can be exactly the opposite: a hired relative will fill a vacancy that one of the “veterans” has long dreamed of. He will lead the team in an attack on the newcomer.
We do not urge you to build a society of general prosperity in a single team. Just try to provide your subordinates with more or less equal working conditions and pay. For example, do not allow employees to receive new office chairs with a back massager and a built-in coffee maker one by one: “upgrade” all workstations at the same time. Make it as difficult as possible for employees to learn about payroll numbers. Finally, avoid having favorites, especially female ones, or at least keep your favorites secret.
If some information about the affairs of the company is not intended for a limited circle of users, for example, top management, it should be truly publicly available. Various kinds of meetings, planning meetings and meetings help make them so. All this makes it possible to keep hundreds of mines up to date with the main information flows. As a result, there is no select caste in the team that learns important information before others. And he strives to abuse this in every possible way.
If you fall into one of these categories, the likelihood of being mobbed increases dramatically.
Serfdom was abolished in our country more than 150 years ago, but it is still customary to repurchase especially valuable souls. Such an employee in a new place receives privileges in at least three parameters: salary, attention from superiors and hostility from colleagues.
If you did not serve in the army and avoided hazing, at your first job you will probably have to taste all its delights with interest. This, of course, is not exactly mobing, but it may also make you think about quitting.
There will always be individuals who, without a twinge of conscience, will show aggression and obvious antipathy towards you. Mostly, ill-wishers and envious people surround you in the workplace, because there everyone is fighting for a place in the sun and for the favor of their superiors. However, open confrontation is less dangerous and fraught with consequences than a hidden threat. Surely you, too, may have colleagues who despise you, but remain with a diplomatic expression on their faces.
Why do you need to hide hatred?
Hiding true feelings in the workplace helps workers in behind-the-scenes intrigue. In a large group, people will never openly show hostility towards someone. They are simply afraid of getting into trouble or jeopardizing their own career. However, on the sly, such people have a way of bringing a lot of trouble to the object of their hostility. They love to commit mean things while maintaining an untarnished reputation, manipulate other people and talk behind your back. 
“Aware means armed”
If you don't want to become part of a corporate intrigue, you should know some signs that a person has hidden hatred towards you. Advice from psychologists: even if you identify an ill-wisher, remain loyal to him. Don't avoid this person and remember the presumption of innocence. If you are sure that there are no envious people in the office, try to be sensitive to the needs of all your colleagues, be optimistic, welcoming and friendly.
Reliable strong connections with colleagues will be useful in the future. And healthy and strong relationships in the workplace and a relaxed, friendly atmosphere help all team members to be more effective and productive. 
Healthy relationships in a team versus behind-the-scenes games
Business speaker Michael Kerr says this: When all colleagues treat each other equally, everything becomes much easier. Each member of the team feels that there is a shoulder nearby that, if anything happens, they can lean on. In any case, in a team with healthy relationships, it is easier to ask for favors from colleagues or receive favors. Moreover, people themselves will offer you a helping hand. We have now described the ideal model of relationships in a team. What to do if your workplace is far from ideal, or you suspect something is wrong? Here are 19 clear signs that your coworker secretly hates you. 
1. Your intuition says it.
Perhaps it's just an obsession. However, most often our intuition does not let us down. If you think that someone dislikes you, it may well be true. In any case, a person may treat you completely differently from how he treats other members of the team. And it gives you a lot to think about.
2. He doesn't smile in your presence.
Now we are not talking about a bad day or a sudden change in mood. If your colleague systematically or consciously does not smile in your presence, then something is going wrong. 
3. He can't maintain eye contact with you.
Psychologists say: it is difficult to look someone in the eyes if you do not have warm feelings for the person or, at least, respect. Have you noticed that one of your colleagues avoids eye contact with you during a conversation? They are simply afraid to show hostility towards you in their gaze. Such people take the path of least resistance: they turn away or avoid you. 
4. Your colleague is avoiding you.
Sometimes strange situations happen. You enter the elevator and notice a co-worker walking behind you. You wait for him, but he prefers to go up the stairs. He's avoiding you.
5. He spreads rumors
This unprofessional behavior is unfortunately not uncommon in the workplace. A person only likes to spread rumors about people he really doesn't like. 
6. He doesn't notice your presence.
When you come to the office, this person will never say “Good morning” to you. He will not even stoop to routine, meaningless phrases. This ignoring may also be evidence of his dislike.
7. The person answers questions too dryly
Of course, he will not be able to ignore your questions. Corporate ethics does not allow this. Ask such a person “How are you doing,” and in response you will hear a short “Fine.” If you receive business correspondence from such a person, be sure that it does not begin with a greeting. 
8. He sends nonverbal negative signals.
When such a person sees you, he may involuntarily look away or grimace and roll his eyes. He is constantly closed to you: his arms are intertwined and his legs are crossed. Also, your colleague may deliberately not take his eyes off the monitor the moment you enter the office. 
9. He never invites you to social events.
You will never expect such a person to invite you to a business lunch or corporate meeting.
10. A colleague has a habit of communicating via email.
Even if you are in the same room, it will be an unaffordable luxury for him to approach you with a request. He will simply send you an email. Have you noticed a shift in communication towards the digital format? This is a sure sign. 
11. He constantly disagrees with you
All your ideas are perceived with hostility. Very often such a person may not allow you to finish your sentences. He interrupts you and has his own point of view on everything. Even if he understands that you have come up with a great idea, he will never deviate from his principles. His hatred is too strong. 
12. This person is not interested in your personal life.
Your colleague can chat casually during a break with other colleagues about his personal life, family and children. Only in conversations with you he never brings up these topics. He simply doesn't care about your personal life.
13. You are not one for casual conversation and jokes.
This person can spend hours amusing other colleagues with casual jokes and anecdotes. Only friendly laughter is always heard behind your back. You are not one of the elite. He just doesn't feel comfortable around you. 
14. He steals your ideas
Seeing you as a competitor, such a person will try to draw attention to himself. Therefore, at every opportunity, he will use your ideas and pass them off as his own.
15. He takes on unauthorized power.
Such an employee may give himself powers that do not exist. For some reason he decided that he could give you orders. 
16. He creates factions
You may feel like you're in one of the Mean Girls scenes. You will never be part of one of the office groups.
17. You can't trust him
You share information with your colleagues for review, but this person can always use the information received against you. 
18. His favorite method of interaction is defensiveness
You feel that a deep wall of mistrust is growing between you and this person. Or your colleague is doing nothing but building defensive redoubts around himself. No less than he prepared for the Cold War.
19. Your job is not a priority for him.
Another big sign that eloquently indicates that your colleague does not like you. Your worries and problems will never be at the top of his list of priorities. He will never treat your work with the same level of urgency as other colleagues do.
Are you surrounded by negative colleagues? Do not despair! To survive in such a group, you don’t have to be like them. You can gain a lot of career benefits from communicating with them, so don’t rush to look for a better company.
Dive into the swamp
It is unlikely that there will be a person who has never in his life encountered colleagues who are simply killing time, serving their working hours, without forgetting to receive their salary. They tend to be dissatisfied with their job and the company, but they continue to hold on to their job. Among them there are often those who like to complain, intrigue and “have fun”. They also do not like newcomers, seeing them as a threat to their well-established life.
Why management tolerates them is a separate question. But if you happen to find yourself in such a team, you will have to try hard not to sink to their level.
Everything is for the good
If, having understood the situation, for some reason you cannot immediately change your job, do not become discouraged, you do not plan to vegetate here until retirement. Remember why you chose this particular company or department. Maybe you need specific skills or experience in a specific market? So focus on this. Imagine that you have to run a long distance all alone. To overcome irritation, fatigue and doubt, you need to keep your end goal in mind and not let your colleagues lead you astray.
Besides, what doesn’t kill, hardens. Yes, the atmosphere of such groups is destructive for all living things, but on the other hand, the situation provides an opportunity to hone skills that are very useful for life and a future career: composure, the ability to manage stress while maintaining optimism, self-discipline and the ability to follow one’s own development strategy. Most likely, on your career path you will more than once have to deal with various kinds of schemers, liars or bullies. So now is the time to prepare - this will help you avoid annoying mistakes in the future when the stakes are higher.
Understand but not accept
Show sympathy, but don't get carried away. It is quite possible that these people, too, were once full of enthusiasm, and now, for some reason, they are just passively waiting for their life, arranged according to the principle “it will do,” to change for the better on its own. Chances are, by talking, you will understand why this happened, and this will help you avoid their fate.
Be vigilant and watch what you say and do. Try to establish contact and learn more about the lives of colleagues outside of work, trying to find common ground. But! Tell as little as possible about yourself - everything said can be used in the future. Try not to criticize anyone - in such teams they love and know how to notice other people’s mistakes, and if they try to drag you into such a discussion, try to feign indifference, change the topic or avoid the conversation.
And in general, ask yourself: “How much can these people harm my career?”, “Do I need them to do my job?” Maybe the best way is to show restraint and ignore their escapades, treating them like spoiled children. True, this does not always work. Bullers, for example, only respect strength. If you decide to go on the offensive, sort out your relationship with each of the offenders personally. Give examples of behavior that you consider unacceptable and express a desire to build relationships in a different way. It is likely that this “unfortunate” incident will be brought to the attention of other team members or management. But is it really that bad?
On the contrary
No matter how your relationship with colleagues develops, think first of all about your work and career. Use your knowledge and aspirations to differentiate yourself from the ballast. Raise the bar. Use any way to show initiative, be it a meeting or training. By the way, such activity can invigorate the team, and the need to compete can awaken long-dormant instincts.
Of course, maintaining optimism without the support of others is not easy. In this case, one cannot count on leadership - such a situation would hardly have developed without his blessing. Try to create it yourself
Life talked to Moscow employees who had been bullied by colleagues, and then, with the help of a psychologist, tried to figure out why this happens in the adult world.
The Invisible Chief
I faced psychological pressure when I started a new job as a deputy director. For reasons unknown to me, my immediate boss disliked me. Instead of helping me gain authority or simply not getting in the way, she began to turn the team against me. She shouted at me, including obscenely, in the presence of colleagues. And it is natural that I was soon faced with the reluctance of the team to communicate with me, gossip and gossip behind my back. Things got to the point where my subordinates refused to carry out my orders, ignored them or delayed deadlines. Subordination was broken. On my shift, bypassing me, the employee turned to the director to receive orders or clarify work issues, which I found out about much later, as a result of which I could not competently control the work. Also, at the request of my boss, in her absence, my subordinates reported to her about my actions, distorting the picture: for example, saying that I was chatting on the phone about non-work issues, while I was calling with suppliers. It turned out to be a vicious circle: the director turned the employees against me, the employees fueled her hostility towards me,” Marina complains. - The atmosphere at work was extremely tense and oppressive. I felt under close attention and at the same time “invisible” to the team. My attempts to influence the situation, to find a common language with my boss and colleagues were unsuccessful, and I had to write a letter of resignation.
"How dare you get pregnant"
I held a leadership position in the city perinatal center. When my boss found out that I was going to go on maternity leave, he started screaming like he had been bitten: “K How dare you get pregnant?! Who should I replace you with?!" By the way, it was not easy for me to get pregnant, and it would seem that the head of the perinatal center should understand such things, but that was not the case,” the doctor recalls. - For some time he calmed down, as I began to work without vacation or sick leave (although there were indications for health reasons). Then, with good wishes, he saw me off on maternity leave, having secured my promise that when I placed the child in kindergarten, I would immediately return to work. When it was time to leave maternity leave, I learned that I had been moved to another office - a closet under the stairs, in which medical waste had previously been stored. After some time, I got a conversation with my boss on this topic, who stated that he would not change anything, and I got this office as punishment for allegedly going on maternity leave with no plans to return. But then it got worse: p After this conversation, the computer was removed from my closet. And what shocked me most of all was that, as I learned, the employees, under pain of losing their bonus, were forbidden to even greet me, let alone talk to me. At least one colleague was actually deprived of a bonus for this. All these circumstances forced me to go on maternity leave again. I don't think I can go back to this job.
How to protect yourself from a pest colleague?
Professional psychologist and career consultant Veronica Turkina told what actions should be taken by those who are faced with bullying.
To work effectively, it is not at all necessary to have friendly relations with colleagues or your boss, but it is important to have a safe relationship, the specialist says. And security is formed by the rules of interaction. The best way out of a conflict or bullying situation may be the formation of such rules.
Determine your participation in the conflict
At first glance, it may seem that in a conflict there is an aggressor (or aggressors) and a victim. However, this is usually not entirely true. There are two sides to the conflict, and both are to some extent the aggressor. To end bullying, it is first important to understand what is my own fault, how I reject my colleagues, what my hidden aggression is expressed in and how I show it. Perhaps it manifests itself implicitly, but it is definitely there.
Make the conflict open
Hidden conflicts can mature and continue for a very long time, leading to devastating consequences for the participants. An open conflict cannot, by its nature, be protracted. If possible, try to identify one or more people who are the source of aggression against you. Try to talk with this person, find out what complaints he has against you. If the leader of the conflict group could not be identified or is unavailable to you for some reason, start with the one who is easiest for you to contact. Such a conversation might start like this: “It’s important for me to discuss our interactions,” “I’m worried that personal relationships may affect work,” “We’re working on a project together, and it’s important to me that we can find ways to interact despite our differences.” . Rely on what you obviously have in common, since you work in the same team. If the other party pretends that nothing is happening, provide the facts that cause your concern. An open conversation is the best way to stop behind-the-scenes games. And even if you don’t find a common language and don’t come out of such a conversation as friends, in any case, it will be difficult for you to cause harm on the sly.
Bring the problem to a formal level
When the problem is voiced, the parties to the conflict are announced, then even if we are talking about a boss and a subordinate, there is always the opportunity to turn to a third party and invite them to participate in resolving the conflict. This could be a senior manager or an employee from the HR department called upon to mediate conflicts. Don't be afraid to seem like a complainer or a sneak. Unconstructive relationships in a team undoubtedly have a negative impact on work results, lead to a decrease in motivation and interfere with the implementation of work procedures. Therefore, a boss at any level is very interested in ensuring that conflicts are brought to the surface and resolved.
