The inability to make independent decisions, living with an eye on other people's opinions, self-doubt and eternal dissatisfaction with others are the main signs of infantilism. To a psychologically immature person, life seems like a big hostile country, but if you adhere to a systematic approach and follow the advice of psychologists, you can mature in mind and character. This requires work on yourself and can be hard work. But awareness of one's own psychological immaturity is the first step towards adulthood.
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- Indecisiveness. When faced with a problem or faced with a choice, a person is unable to make any decision due to fear of responsibility. This leads to the next point.
- Irresponsibility. Shifting decisions to others entails removing responsibility for the consequences of any significant actions. An attempt to withdraw from control of one's own destiny.
- Self-pity and blaming others for your troubles. When decisions are made for a person voluntarily or forced, he blames everyone except himself for his problems. The world seems hostile and unfair, and your own helplessness drains all your strength. Most often, adult children blame their parents.
- Categorical judgments and cruelty towards those who disagree. Dividing the world and events into black and white is typical for teenagers. Adults see nuances and react flexibly to them. The child has two positions: his and the wrong. And when any phenomenon is knocked out of a child’s picture of the world, a person tries with all his might to resist it.
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Signs of psychological immaturity
Experts identify a number of main signs by which a person-child can be identified:
Several basic elements of personal maturation
There is a list of tips that you can follow to bring your psychological and real age into balance.
It is important to understand the moment when psychological immaturity begins to interfere with life. If there is a need for a 30-year-old guy to grow up - this is an objective reality, then for a 21-year-old girl this may turn out to be simple nagging from older people around her.
Growing up is a complex stage in personal development and it is not without difficulties.
How to be interesting to a man - advice from a psychologist
Recognize that there is a problem
To mature psychologically, you need to realize the discrepancy between the age in your passport and your sense of self.
Overcoming the stage of denial will become more productive if you conduct a comprehensive analysis of your own personality. Psychologists advise taking a sheet of paper and dividing it into two columns. In the first, write down the adult traits of your personality, and in the right - signs of infantility. This visual method will allow you to see your own problems with your own eyes.
Take responsibility for your own life
The most important criterion for an adult man or woman is the ability to make independent and informed decisions throughout life. At the same time, decisions should not be made under the influence of emotions, stress or immediate desire.
To make decisions like an adult, it is important to weigh the pros and cons, and to give up the hope of a sudden resolution of the problem without internal efforts. The phenomenon of procrastination should be eliminated or minimized.
Procrastination is the psychological tendency to put off making important decisions until later.
Show flexibility in relationships
Adults differ from teenagers in their search for compromises. Only children have a maximalist outlook on life. A psychologically mature person realizes that he lives in a world populated by other adults with their own life experiences and views on life.
Finding solutions and building relationships so that they suit everyone is the main secret of mature relationships. This does not mean bending over and accepting other people's opinions in order to avoid conflicts. It is important to adamantly, but gently outline your position. In disputes, do not get personal and respect the opinion of your interlocutor.
Caring for the needs of others
The world of an immature personality is egocentric. The teenager strives to achieve all the benefits for himself. The problems and difficulties of those around him do not concern the infantile personality. Teenagers often mistake selfishness for self-love.
To grow internally, you should more often break away from caring about your own comfort and pay attention to the needs of loved ones. You should not throw yourself all at the altar of serving people. It is important to maintain a balance between caring for yourself and others.
“It’s time for you to grow up” - such a phrase, said to you by people close to you, begins to psychologically strain you. And it seems like you are no longer a teenager, but a girl of quite a respectable age, and the attitude of those around you, as if you were a naive fool, is not serious. Your ideas are ignored and sometimes even ridiculed, albeit kindly. They don’t need your advice because they think it’s ridiculous. Well, what’s wrong with you, and how can you prove to your social circle that you’re old enough, and not just according to your passport?
Change your image
The first impression of a person is always based on his appearance. The “bluestocking” girl is treated like a crammer, steeped in science and not seeing anything around her, and the “gray mouse” is not noticed at all. Therefore, every girl always wants to stand out and dress catchy. What do you look like if they only see you as a naive girl?
Little girl
Rhinestones, bows, frills, oversaturation of pink. This one is “Miss Pink Brains” or “Anime Girl”. The girl clearly doesn't want to grow up. At home she has a mountain of plush toys and Barbie dolls. Until now, such a girl keeps her diary in a notebook, describing her impressions manually. And she tries to fake a child’s voice.
Some actresses have a special role - “ingénue”. This is when adult aunts play little girls. Well, like in our old film “Cinderella”. At that time, by the way, the actress who played the main character was 37 years old. But this is a movie, and in life it often happens that girls, and even adult women, flirt, remaining for a long time in childhood.
Therefore, if you have the same childish image, change it immediately. You will see how the attitude of people around you will change when frilly dresses are replaced by chic evening dresses and business suits. At least outwardly you will win for now.
Freak fashion
If you haven't gotten a tattoo yet and haven't pumped up your sore lips, then you're in luck. Because this fashion, fortunately, is already passing. It seems that the image makers of the passing time simply mocked their clients. A girl who looks like an inflatable doll from a sex shop causes, if not laughter, then bewilderment - and how did she end up?
Today, such selfies of girls with monkey lips and empty eyes are an excellent reason to stretch the tongues of wits. And in general, today such an “inflatable doll” is a clear image of female stupidity. If the thought of doing something like this with your body still haunts you, then here’s what awaits you:
Getting a tattoo is painful. But it’s even more painful to bring her down, and the scars will remind you of themselves. What seems relevant to you now in a tattoo design or inscription may soon seem unnecessary. This is not a drawing with a marker, it just doesn’t work that way. And the years go by, and the old woman with a tattoo looks funny.
Pumped lips. These two dumplings look disgusting. Of course, you can “pump them out” back (and not all of them), and not all women manage to regain their former fresh appearance. Moreover, you will also have to wait six months for metamorphoses to occur in the opposite direction.
Contemporary questionable fashion + tattoos + monkey lips. Just imagine, soon, when this idiocy passes, you will erase your selfies in horror. You will 100% be embarrassed by such photographs, which means that you will have no memory of your youth at all. It's a shame, isn't it? Therefore, the advice is this: don’t run after crazy fashion, just dress and decorate yourself with taste.
School teaches literacy, universities give you a specialty, life experience gives you wisdom, but how smart others perceive you depends only on your self-education. Being considered a fool among friends, colleagues and classmates is not exactly a high honor. To put it mildly. Therefore, without reading morals, here are two articles that will help you:
- — here you can learn about proper communication with representatives of the stronger sex;
- - here are tips on how to erase the shell of an infantile fool that you may be mistaken for.
But pay special attention to this chapter. If you don’t have life experience at a young age, then you can make up for it in three stages. True, not yet fully, but they may be useful in the future.
Surprisingly, psychological maturation most often comes to those young people who had hard times in childhood. A difficult family, unsettled parents, an outcast in the class - life has taught such a person to be strong in spirit and survive in spite of fate. And the complete opposite is his peer, a major, who is not at all adapted to life, and he is unlikely to survive if he finds himself alone in a difficult situation.
If you grew up caressed and spoiled by parental attention from childhood, but want to grow up on your own, try going through three stages. Just try not to stop in the middle. This is not the circles of hell, but it will be difficult.
Stage one: "Robinson Crusoe"
Rocking chairs, gyms, fitness classes - this is of course good. To maintain a good figure and health. But this does not give rise to adulthood. Try joining a group that loves hiking. Just not the kind of tourism that is on the beach near the hotel, but real tourism - with tents and bonfires. And even better - where there is a share of extreme sports, for example, alloys.
What it will bring to you:
You will learn to live in society without the usual benefits. At first it will be difficult for you to sleep on hard ground in a sleeping bag, but this is a good test for you personally.
You will strengthen your character. There is no place for sissies on such trips - everyone has their own duties, which they must perform without whims.
You will learn to survive in difficult conditions. It is unknown what surprises fate may bring you, but the skill will already be there.
You will get rid of many phobias that you had before: spiders, depth of water, darkness - all this will seem like trifles in the future.
Supporting the entire group in difficult survival will teach you to value friendship and understand people - who is weak in spirit, and who, on the contrary, you can rely on in difficult times.
And most importantly, you will soon understand how romantic it is.
Stage two: “Volunteer”
Many people associate volunteering with something disgusting: what is it like changing old people’s diapers and scraping out feces in animal enclosures? No, this is voluntary and selfless help to those who are much worse off than you. There are other people to maintain their hygiene if you are so squeamish.
First of all, this is psychological help, this is exactly what the lesson of the school of survival is for yourself. If you ever spoon-feed a frail old man somewhere in a hospice, you will begin to understand what life is like inside out, which means you can become one step more mature.
Just no activists - no politics, no law and order on the streets, as young people now like to advertise on YouTube. Forget even about dog kennels for now. You need people. With real stories. In homes for the disabled and the elderly, on the streets, distributing food to the homeless, in orphanages. Be able to listen to them and understand their destiny.
What it will bring to you:
You will understand that not every homeless person is a person who has sunk to the bottom, that sometimes children can be stronger in spirit than an adult, that a disabled person tries not to differ from a healthy person, and that even an old person clutches at straws in order to live at least a little longer.
You will become more merciful and patient towards people. You will understand that your tiny problems are nothing compared to other people's. Your horizons will expand. And from now on, you will become disgusted with idle girlish gossip about nothing. Judging people without knowing about their problems will not be in your rules.
By encouraging such people and charging them with your optimism, you will give people at least a ray of hope. And this means that another step towards your growing up has already been laid - it was your kind word that became very significant for someone.
Stage three: “Independence”
Perhaps this stage will be the most difficult for you. You will have to make your own decisions for the whole month. Rent a place separate from your family. Not even an apartment, but some grandmother’s corner or a dorm room. The more difficult the conditions, the better.
Get a temporary job with daily pay. No, not prestigious, but simple. For example, a maid, a salesperson in a store or market. Exactly for the duration of independent living. And try to live on your income. But with one condition - during this time no one should help you even with a penny - neither parents, nor friends.
What will this give you:
You will learn to value every ruble you earn, especially if you had to live with your needs on porridge cooked in water.
Unlike Robinson Crusoe, you will live in society the same way, but without any support, which means you will strengthen your character even more.
You will learn what injustice is - when employers deceive you about money, when in a difficult situation your friends may turn away from you, and you will have to find a way out of the situation yourself, without relying on anyone.
You will begin to truly appreciate your loved ones, without arranging whims for them with the words “I want!” You will cope with your selfishness.
Return to normal life
If you go through all three stages, plus a change of image and self-education, then everyone will notice your metamorphoses in your usual environment. You managed to become a grown-up girl, even at your young age. You will be a cut above your friends, even if they themselves are older than you. And this means that you will forever erase the image of a naive fool from yourself.
Many modern people wonder whether they have reached psychological maturity.
How can you determine whether you are an adult or remain at the level of a teenager? After all, a lot depends on this and, first of all, it depends on how people around you evaluate you and your behavior, what growth prospects exist, etc.
We will try to give answers to these difficult questions.
What are the criteria for psychological maturity?
Let us first consider the criteria of psychological maturity presented in the works of leading Russian and Western psychologists. According to research by psychologists, these criteria are:
- Responsibility for what is happening, when a person does not shift the blame for his mistakes onto others.
- The ability to interact constructively with the outside world.
- The ability to understand people and love them.
- Ability to cope with psycho-emotional stress.
- Ability to make rational, informed decisions.
- The ability to realize oneself in the world of professional activity.
If a person meets all these criteria, then he is psychologically an adult, but if he shows infantility, then at heart he still remains a child. How to overcome this child in yourself and find a new adult? We offer some psychological tips to help answer this question.
1. Set big goals
One of the ways to mature psychologically is the need to set goals for an adult: to improve in the world of professional excellence, try to reach a higher level, start a family and make every effort to provide for it financially. But, and the most important thing is to understand that a person bears personal, independent responsibility for everything in his life. Accepting such responsibility is already half the success. An adult is always responsible for his actions. Only a child is afraid to take on this feeling.
2. Take care of your neighbors
Only a psychologically mature person can truly care about the people around him. Help juniors and seniors, take on responsibilities for which you will later have to answer. The feeling of caring is very close to the feeling of responsibility and the feeling of love. In harmony with each other, all this gives rise to a feeling of psychological maturity, allowing one to rise to a new stage of development.
3. Check in with your child in the shower and leave him alone.
According to the psychological theory of E. Berne, an adult, a child and a parent live in every person. Often people who suffered some kind of trauma in their childhood remain children at heart for a long time, unconsciously believing that it is easier for them to live this way. Gradually, the child’s mask simply merges with the image of the person himself. In this case, all the signs of infantilism are evident: the person is afraid to make independent decisions, is afraid of being treated harshly, cannot correctly evaluate his actions and avoids responsibility.
In this case, a person experiencing such problems should find harmony between all his “selves” and try to pay more attention to the adult living in his soul.
4. Analyze your family history
Often childishness and childish behavior is associated with a person's family history. Perhaps his parents were too authoritarian and did not allow him to make independent decisions. In this case, having already become an adult according to a passport, a person cannot truly become one. He lives cautiously and is always afraid of something. Having understood this, it is easier to gain a sense of self-confidence and mature psychologically.
5. Solve the problems life throws at you
Avoiding problems is a characteristic way of behavior of a child, solving problems is a way of behavior of an adult. Therefore, if you want to mature psychologically, you must learn to solve the life problems that you face in one way or another. Moreover, such decisions should not be childishly emotional, but thoughtful and rational in an adult way.
6. Make your own decisions
A sign of an adult is the ability to make independent decisions. Again, these decisions are made not under the pressure of emotions, but under the pressure of iron-clad arguments that are relevant to you. Psychologically, an adult does not blame others for his troubles, because he knows that everything he does is of his own free will.
7. Don’t show youthful maximalism, be flexible in making mutual decisions
Maximalism and stubbornness are precisely the traits of a child who does not yet understand that the world is diverse, therefore it is necessary to show tolerance and flexibility in behavior and in relationships with other people. Therefore, if you want to mature psychologically, be tolerant of others and look for not only their shortcomings, but learn to see their merits.
8. Study your motivation
As a rule, a sign of a psychologically mature person is strong motivation. The leading motives for the behavior of an adult mature personality are not avoiding punishment (like a child), but creating something new, striving for success, creating a family and providing for it, etc.
Therefore, carefully study the motives that drive you. If these motives are still childish, then you need to seriously reconsider them. Otherwise, you will not be able to mature psychologically.
As we see, in order to mature psychologically, a person must make every effort. But most importantly, he must turn from a child into an adult. After all, by preserving his infantility, nurturing it, he deprives himself of a new feeling - the feeling that the world is changing, and he is changing with him. Moreover, there is no need to kill the child within you. You can keep the feeling of childishness in your soul, but you must not allow it to dominate you.
psychology-s.ru
Infantilism in modern society is not a new phenomenon. You have probably noticed that more and more people behave like children: they shift the blame for their actions onto circumstances and other people, do not know how to stand up for themselves, constantly complain about fate, do not develop, and so on. If you are often told that you behave like a child, then you urgently need to rebuild yourself. This may take a hell of a lot of work, but it's worth it. After all, you acquire special energy and self-confidence, and most importantly, you will win people over. In this article we will look at the most effective ways to grow up.
Why do many adults remain children?
If an adult behaves childishly, it means that he simply does not want to grow up or does not know how to do it. In the first case, it is so convenient and easier for a person to live. After all, he doesn’t need to think about anything, other people decide for him: where to go to study, who to work for, how much to earn. And why take the blame for your own mistakes and mistakes? After all, chance, an employee, a close friend are to blame for everything. An infantile person does not dare to make decisions and tries in every possible way to escape responsibility.
There is a psychological theory by E. Berne, according to which a child, an adult and a parent live in each of us.
Unfortunately, such childishness will not lead to good. Sooner or later, life will give a kick and then the choice remains with the adult “children” - either continue to whine and complain about fate, or take life into your own hands and take the path of growing up.
The world of adults: what it really is
Adult life is not the same as adolescence and childhood. Everything is much more serious here. After all, all responsibility for you lies not on the shoulders of your parents, relatives or friends, but on your own. If you are wondering: “How to grow up?” First you need to find out what adult life is like, how a fully formed person behaves.
A serious individual is not one who smokes, drinks alcohol and is sexually active, but one who lives separately from his parents and does not depend on them financially, that is, a person who completely provides for himself and does everything himself.
An adult can be easily recognized by what and how he says, what actions and deeds he performs. In his life there is no frequent giggling, like a teenager, and in the conversation there is no gossip and empty meaningless topics. He values his time, speaks to the point, and jokes only when it is appropriate.
Domestic and Western psychologists have also defined some criteria for psychological maturity:
- responsibility for your actions and what is happening around you;
- understanding of people, love and respect for them;
- making rational, informed decisions;
- the ability to properly contact the outside world;
- ability to realize oneself in terms of profession;
- the ability to withstand stress and various difficulties encountered along the path of life.
In addition to this, adults have rich life experience; their world is not chaotic, but more structured. They know where to go, what to do, what goals to set.
Effective ways to grow up
Growing up is hard work. After all, here you need to completely transform your personality, lifestyle and relationships with the outside world. Having done this, you will not recognize yourself - instead of a child in front of the mirror, you will see an adult.
One of the quotes from the popular Indian mystic Osho says that by taking life into your own hands, a person will be filled with energy and feel unprecedented changes.
There are many ways to grow up. But we will look at the five most effective of them.
1. Train yourself to set serious goals
If you want to enter adulthood, you simply need to learn how to set goals for yourself. They must be big. This could be mastering a new profession, improving your skills and talents, creating a happy family, achieving material well-being, and so on.
2. Be responsible for yourself and your actions
Adult life is not about toys. No one here will solve your problems for you. Only a child can hide from them and do nothing. You must understand that you must be responsible for yourself, your actions and what happens to him. Only by becoming responsible can you live a happy and successful life.
3. Be independent
It is very important to be independent. A developed personality can always take care of himself and others. Therefore, starting from the age of 18, you need to rely only on yourself, and not on other people. It is important to ensure that you can support yourself and do everything yourself, from choosing a university to making plans for the future.
4. Study your “I”
In adulthood, it is extremely important to accept yourself as you are and look inside yourself in order to carefully study your “I”. After all, only a child does not accept himself and does not understand what he really is. Studying your personality is a sober look at yourself, where all your strengths and weaknesses are visible. Seeing his weaknesses, an adult must destroy them or turn them into advantages.
Expanding your horizons (travelling, finding a new favorite activity, visiting exhibitions and various events), communicating and meeting new people will also help you thoroughly explore yourself.
5. Act like an adult
And another way to grow up is to act like an adult. Like this? Firstly, you need to learn to control your desires and those that are considered childish should be curbed and directed towards more mature goals.
It is also very important to say “No”. For example, if you are invited to a noisy party, and you plan to complete an urgent project that evening, then choose the second option. After all, it is he who will lead you to success, and not partying until the morning. And adults also take care of their appearance. They eat only healthy food, play sports, keep their skin and hair clean, and wear neat, more restrained clothes to work. In addition, you must always be open and honest, and only then will the doors to a successful future open for you.
Growing up may not happen right away; everything will happen with experience. Therefore, be patient and after a while you will achieve what you want.
