MAOU secondary school No. 67

with in-depth study individual items

Ekaterinburg, Sverdlovsk region.

"Your Majesty, woman"

(teachers for teachers)

Prepared

Pashkova Elena Yurievna,

music teacher and MHC

Ekaterinburg, 2014

The event is prepared by teachers for teachers.

The peculiarity of the event is that the performers do not know who will sing which song, they rehearse separately from each other

We managed to overcome time All that remains is to conquer space. We have been blessed with consistency And in songs, and in friends forever.
What a miracle Man is. A person forever that I’m glad to see, And the barriers open up, And time slows down.
And young for a minute And we became stupid again. We were visited by "inspiration, And life, and tears, and love.”

A. Granov

A. Pakhmutova’s song “How Young We Were” is played (sung by an ensemble of school teachers).

We dedicate our meeting today to the most beautiful half of humanity, our lovely women.

There are moments when it doesn't bother you A thunderstorm fatal to our lives. Someone will put their hands on your shoulders, Someone will look clearly into your eyes...

And instantly everyday life will disappear,

Like falling into a dark abyss without a bottom... And slowly rises over the abyss Silence like a seven-colored arc...

And the tune is muffled and young

In the hidden silence it will touch Strings lulled to life A soul as tense as a harp.

A. Blok

The song by S. Nikitin “Outside the City” is played

We can talk endlessly about women: charming, attractive, curvy and thin, tall and petite, pretty and very pretty, loving and beloved... A woman always remains a woman. And she is not indifferent to the attention of others and how she looks.

Thank you for beeing. Because your voice is spring Comes like good news In moments of resentment and doubt. Thanks for your candid opinion: Whatever I ask you for - Your pains hurt inside me, Your strength is accumulating in me. Thank you for beeing. Through all distances and time frames Some hidden currents Suddenly they will remind you again - you are here. You are here on earth. And everywhere I hear your voice and laughter. I enter our friendship like a miracle, And I rejoice at the miracle in front of everyone. Andrey Dementyev
The song by Yu. Vizbor “My Darling” is played (performed by all teachers-words on the slide). Talk to me about trifles

Talk to me about eternity

Let him, like a child, in your arms

Flowers born in spring lie. You are so carefree and so sad. Like music, you can forgive everything. You are as carefree as spring And, like spring, you can’t help but be sad.

G. Ivanov

Every woman is beautiful in her own way. Beauty...What is it? Are there any classical canons of beauty? There are, but they are very variable. What was beautiful from the point of view of the Greeks did not at all attract the Hindus, and vice versa. IN Ancient India The greatest compliment for a woman was when she was told that she had hips like an elephant. Today, hardly anyone will like such a comparison. In Japan in In the 11th century, it was considered good manners among aristocratic women to paint their teeth black. African women used special tricks to stretch their necks. And the Indians of the Amazon basin pulled back their lower lip excessively.

Ideas about beauty in every historical era turn out to be different. Let's take for example the idea of female beauty. It would seem that it should always be the same, because everyone always liked beautiful women. But it turns out that they are beautiful in different time considered different women:

IN Ancient Greece For example, a woman who was involved in sports, trained, and harmoniously built was considered beautiful.

In the Middle Ages, a woman with a thin body, sunken cheeks from malnutrition, and an elongated oval face was considered beautiful.

Some more time will pass, and completely different women will begin to seem beautiful to people: full of health, happy with life, somewhat plump and very down to earth.

When we talk about beauty,

Then we immediately remember the rose. Roses Everywhere: Roses on Canvas And in ringing vases, Both in poetry and in prose. And there is also grass in the world, Which is modest and not colorful, Whose admiring words Unfortunately, we don't give often. There are women to match the grass: They do not shine with flashy beauty, But if not for eternal peace, Not their feat, The earth would be empty. Their children are known to the entire planet - Artists, thinkers, poets, And the names of unknown mothers Sometimes they are not sung by us.

F. Alieva

The song “Enchanted, Bewitched” sounds (performed with guitar).

Let's go back to history

Before me is a fragment of a letter from Alexandra Muravyova to her husband, the Decembrist Nikita Muravyov, who was in prison:

"My good friend, my angel! You are a criminal, you are guilty. You ask me for forgiveness. I have nothing to forgive you. For almost three years I didn’t live in this world - I was in heaven. Happiness cannot last forever. Don't give in to despair. Don't be afraid for me. I am the happiest of women."

The waltz of E. Doga from the film “My Affectionate and Gentle Beast” sounds

God created woman. This is how she was in the past. Now let's turn to our time. Apparently here the Creator, like a true artist, got carried away... He was carried away from the standard canons of “human realism”. So a woman can now be called a real avant-garde, having absorbed all the modern morals of society: artistry, efficiency, thriftiness, sociability, determination...

The song by A. Zoteev “Morning Women” is played (in the background of the song there is a display of photographs of teachers).

What does woman mean? Someone from smart people said: “A woman is the salt of the earth.” This is probably true. And it is no coincidence that they are dedicated to women best novels, paintings, sculptures. And take poetry! So much has been written about women! And how it is written! Remember Pushkin?

I remember wonderful moment, You appeared before me, Like a fleeting vision What a genius of pure beauty!

Or Lermontov has these lines:

And it slides and floats across the carpet Her captivating leg.

I kiss you, bowing your head low,

I am millions female hands loved ones...

Is this really what they write about men? Whatever you say, women play a huge role in our country. A woman dreams about the present, but has to hope for the future. A woman is always beautiful, you just need to see this beauty. A man kneels only in three cases:

To drink from the spring;

To pick flowers for your beloved;

To bow to my mother.

B. Okudzhava’s song “Not tramps, not drunkards” sounds (performed by an ensemble of teachers).

You sing a lullaby and again

You are beautiful, and again splitting the road,

The moonlight illuminated, in the midst of the peace of the night,

The cradle, and the child, and you.

You sing a lullaby clearly and loudly,

And I'm happy: I believe, I believe again,

That they will always lull a child to sleep with song,

The moonlight will shine forever.

Kaisyn Kuliev

The song by A. Morozov “Nosiki - snub noses” sounds (against the background of music - showing photographs of teachers’ children).

Against the background of music by A. Vivaldi the poem sounds:

Oh my shy hero

You cleverly avoided shame.

How long have I been playing the role?

Without leaning on your partner.

To your damned help

I never came running

Among the scenes, among the shadows

You escaped, invisible to the eye.

Our whole role is just my role,

I lost in it brutally.

All our pain is only my pain,

But how much pain, how much, how much...

Bella Akhmadulina

The song by S. Nikitin “To the Music of Vivaldi” is played (performed by an ensemble of teachers).

Any nonsense for your sake

Our ancestors did it easily,

Because of your beautiful eyes

Madness is not uncommon among us.

And I myself sometimes observed

What can happen because of you:

One decided to drown himself,

Another lost his mind.

The judge, no matter how important he is,

Listens to your order;

One hero is even French

I broke my duty because of you.

Ah, women, all our glory

She submits to you...

Oh delicious right

Captivate us and drive us crazy!

Denis Diderot

The song by S. Nikitin “Two Women” is played (performed by an ensemble of teachers).

If you meet a quiet woman,

As if walking in the rustles of sleep,

With a simple heart and a great soul,

Know that it is she!

If you meet a wonderful woman,

A woman who is sensitive, like a string,

Living my difficult life purely,

Know that it is she!

If you see under the note

A name more beautiful than life and spring,

Know that this woman is close to me,

Know that it is she!

Igor Severyanin

It sounds like “Song about good mood"(music by A. Lepin, lyrics by V. Korostylev from the film "Carnival Night").

I'm like a butterfly to the fire

I strived so irresistibly

In Love - magical land,

Where they will call me beloved.

Where any day is incomparable,

Where I would not be afraid of bad weather.

Beautiful country - Love,

After all, only in her can there be happiness.

Andrey Petrov

The text is read by role:

Connected in the ground, intertwined with branches, How painful, honey, how strange, Splitting under the saw. The wound on the heart will not heal, Will shed pure tears, The wound on the heart will not heal, It will spill out like fiery resin. As long as I'm alive, I'll be with you: Soul and blood are inseparable, As long as I'm alive, I'll be with you: Love and death are always together. You will carry with you, my love, You will carry it with you everywhere, You will carry it with you everywhere Native land, Sweet home.

But if I have nothing to hide with

From incurable pity, But if I have nothing to hide with From the cold and darkness. After parting there will be a meeting, Don't forget me, darling, After parting there will be a meeting. Let's both come back: you and me. But if I disappear into obscurity -

The short light of daylight,

But if I disappear into obscurity For the star belt, milky smoke, I will pray for you, Lest I forget earthly paths, I will pray for you, May you return unharmed. He became thoughtless and humble. Shaking in a smoky carriage,

He half cried, half slept,

Suddenly it bent into a terrible lurch. When the train is on a slippery slope The wheels were torn off the rails. Superhuman strength In one winepress, crippling everyone, Superhuman strength She threw earthly things off the ground. And didn't hook anyone The promised meeting in the distance, And didn't hook anyone A hand calling in the distance.

Don’t part with your loved ones – 3 times

With all your blood, grow into them.

And every time say goodbye forever - 3 times

When you leave for a moment.

Alexander Kochetkov

S. Aznavour's song “Eternal Love” is playing (performed by teachers in Russian).

Dear beautiful women! Smile more often, despite your boring life and thoughts about how to dress tastefully and always be attractive in the face of rising prices for goods. Be more cheerful! After all, there is only one life, and optimism is the best cure for all adversity.

There's a song playing R . Cocciante « Belle » (modified text).

Bibliography:

1.Art. Supplement to the newspaper First September No. 1, 11, 13, 17, 1998.

2. Art No. 3, 18, 24, 2002.

3.Poetry Silver Age about love.-M.: EKOMO, 2003.

4. On par with the century T.2. M.: Young Guard, 1969.

Scenario for the holiday “March 8” for children 5-7 years old: the stupid bear cub did not know what gift to give his mother on March 8. And his friends decide to help him with this and they all go together to find a gift for his mother.

Super Mom (competition program)

The “Super Mom” show program, held on the eve of the March 8th celebration, will raise festive mood and will bring pleasure to girls - students junior classes, and their mothers. Competitions help strengthen family friendships, develop creativity, ingenuity and resourcefulness.

Scenario for March 8 for adults “Oh, these women!”

Here he comes wonderful holiday March 8! And on this day we want to give our women a piece of joy and fun, where you can show everyone how smart and talented you are, and can cope with any task, no matter how difficult it may be.

Scenario March 8 “Beautiful Fashionistas”

Scenario for the holiday on March 8 for adults. This scenario can be used at a corporate party dedicated to International Women's Day.

Scenario “Spring, how great it is that you came!”

Scenario for the 8th of March holiday for children preschool age(4-6 years old). This scenario can be used at a matinee in kindergarten. It is necessary that children prepare cards and handmade crafts for their mothers in advance. In addition, it is necessary to learn poems and songs with the children in advance. Presenters should prepare costumes in advance.

Scenario for March 8 “Beloved Mothers and Grandmothers”

Scenario school event- festive competition and entertainment program “Beloved Mothers and Grandmothers”, designed for children 8-10 years old. During the festival, mothers and grandmothers will be able to see not only the talents and skills of their children, but also take part in various competitions.

Scenario “The Magic Flower, or how Vanya chose gifts for March 8th”

Boy Vanya doesn’t know what to give his mother on March 8th. The kind sorceress gives him a magic flower that will guide him through fairy tales, where Vanya will find the answer to his question.

Scenario “March 8 – we praise the ladies!”

The holiday of March 8 glorifies the beautiful half of the population - women, girls and girls. The most famous stars came to congratulate them on International Women's Day Russian stage! The scenario is designed to carry out festive event among the adult population - at a corporate party, a student party or among friends.

Scenario March 8 for adults “Secrets of female image”

Small scenario festive concert, dedicated to the celebration of International Women's Day in a team of friends or colleagues. The holiday will be successful if it is held in the assembly hall.

Scenario for March 8 in a rural settlement “Women are the flowers of our lives”

With the arrival of spring, not only nature blooms, but also female beauty. In addition, one of the most tender and sensitive holidays is coming - International Women's Day, which must be celebrated and celebrated with dignity. With this script you will be able to interesting event, give women positive emotions, a lot of joy and smiles.

Scenario for March 8 for women in the rural club “How Spring and Winter shared the throne”

This sketch will be a wonderful start to the festive concert prepared for March 8th. Funny, interesting story, will certainly give a sea of emotions to everyone who comes.

March 8th is the most romantic holiday. This spring day is always associated with love, warmth and tenderness. This perfect occasion demonstrate your sympathies to lovely ladies, express the most tender feelings to your mothers and grandmothers, congratulate your sister from the bottom of your heart. Sincere joy and a smile from them will not take long to arrive!

(Song plays For our ladies Trofim)

We remember wonderful moments

What have you given us in life?

So without delay

Let's start the concert for our ladies!

We are grateful for the smiles

And for the heavenly features,

For the mistakes and mistakes

You forgive out of kindness.

For giving excitement,

That they rise again and again

And Divinity and inspiration,

And life, and tears, and love!

(The intro of the song sounds SONG OF OLD WOMEN - MERRY WOMEN.

New Russian grandmothers appear, sing a song)

SONG OF OLD WOMEN - MERRY WOMEN

Music Vladimir Shainsky Lyrics Mikhail Nozhkin

We are the people with our skills

Yes, he rewarded me with fun,

To lift your spirits

I have equipped you to help!

Chorus:

We’re a year old – it doesn’t matter!

If the soul is young!

It's not a problem for us!

If the soul is young!

Since childhood I have not been afraid of blood,

I will heal all of your wounds.

And if I laugh -

I'll want everyone around me to laugh.

Chorus.

I have a keen eye -

I will make out all your enemies.

Well, when I whistle at once,

I will put the army on the ground.

Chorus.

Can we fire the cannon?

Sew, wash, cook dinner!

Well, what kind of old ladies are we?

The three of us are 300 years old!

Chorus.

Matryona:Good evening, dear ladies and people. Check out how cool I am today..a..cool in general, I’m already enjoying myself! And this is my old friend?..

Flower:... oh, Matryon, how hard it is to be a real woman these days...

Matryona: Oh, Flower, don't talk. And you look really cool today, that’s okay! (Flower howls) What is it?

Flower: This morning I got up, sat down in front of the mirror, laid out my cosmetics in front of me... and fell asleep...

Matryona? No, I went to the beauty salon today. Look what I'm like today..!!

Flower: Oh, wow...what a beautiful lipstick you have!

Matryona: the lipstick is super-resistant, once you apply it you can never wipe it off, even if you go to bed with it... by God...

Flower: ooooh

Matryona: Fathers, and the shoes, and the shoes...what is a Flower?

Flower: This is Iconika!

Matryona: ahh..that's what..

Flower: Shoes for the dead man! oh, for the fan! and look, I bought myself an anti-aging mask..ba..

Matryona: I immediately looked 40 years younger! No, you know, I struggle with wrinkles differently. right now..iron Rowenta, ironed it once and the wrinkles were gone!

Tsvetotsek: oh, you know, I already forgot about wrinkles.

Matryonaa: why??

Flower: Sclerosis, the best medicine...hihihi....

Matryona: Flower, do you know why we even gathered??

Flower: nooo

Matryona: Ahh...about our professional holiday!

Flower: janitor's day????

Matryona: Why is Janitor’s Day...??! I’m actually talking about a women’s holiday!

Flower:ahh...I remember, of course, I remember about the women's holiday! Now our men will congratulate us! what do I look like??

Matryona: Lord forbid...t. e. I want to say super-stupid! Well guys, we are listening to you!

(Men come out singing)

We must honestly tell you

We need girls more than life.

Well, who will tell us that spring is coming,

Well, who will deprive us of peace and sleep?

Who will awaken love in the soul,

Who will make you believe in your dream again,

Who will kiss us, at least sometimes?

Who will share life with us once and for all?

Chorus: (Grandmas sing)

How can you live without us?

Well, tell me, tell me.

Where would you be without us?

Yes, just nowhere.

No wonder all centuries

We are carried in their arms

And we are ready to lend our hands again.

(they bring chairs to the grandmothers, they sit down)

Man: let me congratulate you on Women's Day, and wish you to always remain as young as you are today..

Flower: Are you kidding me or what? I don’t understand..

Man2: It shouldn’t be like that! dear grandmothers!

Matryona: By the way girls!

Flower:...and not that expensive...

Man:okay, our dear girls, on this day we would like to wish you intelligence, a lot of beauty..and also..

Matryona: wait, wait... what are you trying to say, that we are two unfortunate, terrible fools or something...??!

Man3: it has to be like this! Our dear ladies, we congratulate you on the holiday and wish you good health!

Matryona: Now, that's better! (The men leave) ________________________________________________

Matryona: Flower, what I wanted to tell you...

Flower: FAQ?

Matryona: Do you know that Maria has a granddaughter?

Flower: What are you talking about?!

Matryona: Yesterday I was born, by God.

Flower: Bah!

Matryona: Such an ugly girl!

Flower: It's nothing! It's nothing! Ugly things, they get prettier later. And beauties, on the contrary, turn stupid.

Matryona: Or maybe you were a beauty when you were a child..

Flower: Again! Stop it Matryona, let’s announce the number: on stage _________________________________________________

(Scenery: park, bench, Flower comes out, sits on the bench, later Matryona comes out)

Flower: Why did you come out with a guitar??

Matryona: Yes, I want to congratulate you personally..

Flower: Personally...well, it’s nice...will you be the only one to congratulate?

Matryona: No._________________

Flower:Okay, now, wait, I’ll take a pose..

Matryona: Fathers...you also have a congratulatory pose...

Flower: Well, what about... (hit parade)

L. Vaikule: Vernissage

Once in our village

I met you by chance

You drank kvass right at the kiosk.

I fell in love with you

For your ADIDAS suit

And there are 3 stripes on the emblem.

There is no end to the chance meeting

We hugged on the porch

Promising to love each other...

The yellow moon was shining

I realized that I was in love

ETC.: May this March day

No one will be lonely

Let them give flowers to women,

And let the cats sing songs.

I congratulate all the people

And this song is a joke to you

Performed for lovely ladies...

Boris Moiseev comes out

(behaves capriciously, mannered)

We are nobody to each other and that makes it easier

Doesn't hurt, doesn't pinch and doesn't drive you crazy

I came here to see you for a festive evening

To wish you all love and goodness.

I want you to be happy, alive,

If a bullet flies, it always passes by you,

And I want to tell you that you are all beautiful here,

But I’m in a hurry, I’m leaving now!

Ex: I won’t, I won’t eat your vinaigrette now,

And I will not and will not even eat your salad,

I'm passing through here, and I have a ticket in my hands,

I will soon leave for the city of Leningrad!

Alla Pugacheva

To the tune of the Song about a Real Colonel

Oh, what a capricious Boriska you are,

Get out of my sight quickly

You're acting just like a radish

What should I do, I’ll sing for two,

Etc.: Let the songs ring loudly

Today is our holiday!

Happy March 8th, girls

Come out - let's start dancing!

Flower: Oh, Matryona, thank you very much... and this is not Boris’s son Maesya..?? (Matryona looks amazing eyes on a flower)

Matryona: Flower, today is a holiday, but you need to write an explanation why you were late for class yesterday Chinese language??

Flower: Damn it (in Chinese, shukai here)

Matryona: Why...who should I pike...??

Flower: Nothing... it's in Chinese... damn if it's wrong

Matryona: Okay, write an explanatory note, and I’ll come back later

(the audience and Flower write a letter)Why am I late (explanatory)

Beginning of the form

End of form

Why am I late (explanatory)

Yesterday when I was walking For Chinese lessons, suddenly fell from a tree on me Crazy Policeman . I screamed like Underground Rhinoceros and lost consciousness. I woke up In Karaganda and said: Take me For Chinese lessons , I really need. But for some reason they took me away To the State Duma , and from there I walked until he gave me a lift Reactive Jalopy . That's why I was late yesterday.

Matryona: Flower, how come you got into this... Oh, look, there’s some kind of gathering there, let’s go and have a look

(2 people in a bathrobe and start advertising the w-mobile)

HOST: Consider that best gift– this book is the lot of librarians. You and I know the correct answer. Fur coat? No, take it higher. Well? As dear Leonid Arkadyevich would say: aw-to-mo-bi-l!!! And so, now a new concept car will be presented to your attention... But I’m silent, I’m silent: word to the creators!

Two young men in white coats come out.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Dear friends! Actually, we planned the presentation at the Geneva Motor Show, but for the sake of the holiday (International Women's Day), we will tell you some insider information.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: And so, let Mikhail Prokhorov bite his elbows with his E-mobile, we present the first women's store J-MOBILE!

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Main characteristics. The J-MOBILE, like the hostess, refuels with one glass of gasoline.

CONSTRUCTION 2: Unlike a regular car, there was a section for lipstick - where the cigarette lighter was. The cigarette lighter itself was removed to avoid an unpleasant burning sensation.

CONSTRUCTION 1: If desired, the J-MOBILE can be painted with henna or hydrogen peroxide, and the thresholds can also be increased.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Important point: the car is a chameleon. Automatically matches your handbag and boots.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: F-MOBILE – it doesn’t skid on the road, it just wags its bumper.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The Z-MOBILE radio tape recorder fundamentally does not pick up chanson, and automatically replaces it with your favorite hits.

CONSTRUCTION 1: THE F-MOBILE has a disk with compliments. This was done on purpose to scream: Where are you going, fool?- you heard: Smart girl, you're doing everything right.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Every year the J-MOBILE needs not only pendant repairs, but also a new necklace and ring.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: The J-MOBILE has one drawback, it looks too good on traffic police photo radar images.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The J-MOBILE steering wheel is shaped like Brad Pitt’s torso, which makes you don’t want to let go of it.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The steering wheel automatically gives you a manicure, and the gas pedal automatically gives you a pedicure and a light foot massage.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The machine senses where there is new collection or discounts and it slows down there itself.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Soft toy, a pink pillow and a velvet cloth are already included in the basic package.

CONSTRUCTION 2: There is a function to search for a lost earring in the salon.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The inspection coupon is at the same time a discount card and a subscription to the solarium.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The car is washed at least twice with shower gel with violet extract.

CONSTRUCTION 1: There is not only a rear view mirror, but also full height in the cabin.

CONSTRUCTION 2: To avoid creating a negative image of the owner, the car is equipped with an automatic parking function.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Well, that's probably all. Does anyone in the room have any questions?

PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE: You described everything so colorfully. Does your car have any disadvantages?

CONSTRUCTOR 2: In our opinion, there is only one: the trunk of the J-MOBILE is made according to the principle of a handbag.

PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE: That is?

CONSTRUCTOR 2: It has everything you need, you just won’t find what you need.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Thank you! Wait for sales! Coming soon to AVON and ORIFLAME catalogs!

Bow.

Matryona: Fathers, Flower, I also want a mobile phone like this...

Flower: Hey..I’ve had the J-lisaped for 15 years now...and I drive it fine...

Matryona: Well, let’s go, show me, and while ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ will perform on stage - (they leave)

Flower: Well, what do you like about my car? Is it a car?

Matryona: You know, flower: Not really. I have a Cossack, that’s enough for me. The motor makes no noise at all.

Flower: Why is it so quiet?

Matryona: Why, your ears are pinched between your knees!

Flower: Wow. On the stage_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Oh, Matryona, after all, we’re great for deciding to go on patrol with you at night! Defending your beloved village is a sacred cause, especially since today is such a holiday, you never know... you have to be on your guard (takes a gun)!

Matryona: Don't talk, don't talk!

Flower: Oh, anyway, is it really so scary now to walk in the village in the evenings?

Matryona: Good, that's it! You are a maniac yourself, Flower!

Flower: No, I'm a killer of maniacs! MIG 76!

Matryona: I’m looking at you right now, after all, it’s true what they say is that the whole village is afraid of you, the whole village!

Flower: Is she afraid of someone?

Matryona: Why aren’t they afraid of you? Yesterday evening, what did she fire from a gun? You might say she was a hooligan? Did she shoot at the banks?

Flower: So the man was digging cabbage in the field!

Matryona: Bah!

Flower: Yes!

Matryona: oh, look at the young people coming... and how they coo... come on quickly... quickly into the bushes...

(skit)

A short and thin man named VASYOK comes onto the stage. He sits down on a chair. He is wearing a cap with a flower and a fashionable country jacket. In his teeth he has a stalk of grass, and in his hands small flower. The song starts playing: Oh, you're there on the mountain.

His beloved MARUSYA (it could be a man in women's clothing) comes out to see VASUK and sits down next to him.

VASYOK: Hello, Marusya!

MARUSYA: Hello, Vasek!

VASYOK (gives a flower): This is for you!

MARUSYA: Oh, thank you!

They both look up a little in awe. Vasek carefully places his hand on her shoulder. She winces.

VASYOK: Marusya... will you marry me?

MARUSYA: Oh, I don’t know. This is so unexpected! I need to think.

VASYOK: How long can you think? I proposed to you six years ago.

MARUSYA: Well, I don’t know. If you think it's time, then I agree.

The song is still going on. They sigh together with smiles on their faces.

MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya! Who do you want to get first: a cat or a dog?

VASYOK: Well, maybe we’ll have the first child after all?

MARUSYA: Vasya! (pause) Who do you want first: a girl or a girl?

Vasek slowly turned and looked at Marusya. Then he turned back just as slowly.

VASYOK: (thoughtfully) I don’t know. (pause) Probably a girl. And you?

MARUSYA: I don’t care. (pause) Vasya, will you always love me?

VASEK: I will love you to the end.

MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya, it’s already late. Take me home.

Our heroes are leaving. The music stops.

Vasya comes out and sits on a chair. Five seconds later, Marusya comes out with buckets. He puts them on the floor.

MARUSYA: Why are you sitting? Why are you sitting, I ask you? Have you cleaned the yard? Did you feed the chickens? I have to do everything myself.

VASYOK: Why are you screaming like that? I'll do everything now.

MARUSYA: I’m screaming because even on the eighth of March, you don’t do anything for me. And you said that you will love me to the end.

VASYOK: So the end has already come.

Flower: oh, so much romance... that...

Matryona: What are you doing with the bag...are you really going there...??!!hihi..

Flower: No...I’ll fly to Hawaii...

Matryona: What Hawaii... it's a holiday... and especially you don't know what the weather is like there... ahh... what if it rains... snow

Flower: Matryon, what are you... it’s always warm there... and what’s the weather like for our holiday today....??

(forecast weather)

Matryona: Dear comrades, we are starting the weather forecast for tomorrow...

(The flower dances and hums a melody Emmanuel)

So, tomorrow, according to the Hydrometeorological Center of Russia, it is expected...

Flower: A!

Matryona : What is it again?

Flower : Something hit me in the back.

Matryona: She jumped, the old nymphet...

Flower: No, when it hits my back, it means rain.

Matryona: Do you understand where it hurts?

Flower: Here, in the upper third...

Matryona: Tomorrow there will be rain in the east of the country...

Flower : A!

Matryona : What is it again?

Flower: Something snapped inside me.

Matryona : Thunderstorm possible.

Flower: No, look, it’s gone.

Matryona : There may not be a thunderstorm.

Flower: Do you hear, grandma, scratch your back, something is hurting.

Matryona : Tomorrow there may be a cyclone to the north, an anticyclone to the south, an assault front to the east, midnight in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky!

Flower : Hey, scratch it in the southwest. Something is bothering me there. probably the pressure is jumping

Matryona : Tomorrow in the black earth regions of the country the pressure will drop to 40 degrees inwards, to 40 milligrams... milliliters... oh well... millimeters of mercury.

Flower : For some reason my nose is itchy, probably because of the drinking.

Matryona: Highs in the 40s and lows are expected over the weekend. 9 in the morning there is complete fog, dry conditions and wind. All!

Flower : No, not all. Rain and snow, ice, wind gusts up to 15 m/s, visibility 20 meters are expected.

Matryona: Fathers, where did you find out everything?

Flower : It was announced on the radio in the morning.

Flower: So now the 6th grade students will tell us everything.

6th grade skit

______________________________________________________________________________

Matryona: where is that one? Have you seen my jerboa with glasses?

(Flower appears)

Why are you always late?

Flower: faq, faq I was behind the scenes, watching.

Matryona: Whom?

Flower: Like whom? Yes, their beauties. Just look at them......(ditties 5th grade

Matryona: What do you have again?

Flower: Yes, the crossword puzzle doesn’t work. Here are 2 words and it doesn’t work

Matryona: Let me help.

Flower: here 13 horizontally is a bad habit.

Matryona: Whose bad habit is it?

Is it my bad habit? (crying)

Flower: What do you have to do with it?

Matryona: I have a bad habit. I've been suffering for 5 years now.

Flower: What happened then?

Matryona: Yes, as soon as I wake up I brush my teeth.

Flower: It's nothing. This is fine.

Matryona: Who is fine. And do you know. How many times do I wake up? - normal.

Flower: Doesn't fit anyway.

Matryona: Look eighth vertically. Starts with the letter I...

Flower And this is a game. 5th grade on stage

Flower: I have happy news. I was chosen as the best fan of the year.

Matryona: Well, that’s right, now you’re sick, now with something else, now with this, now with a leaking roof.

Flower: You started teasing me again.

Matryona: Okay, we need to finish this matter, otherwise you will get sick again.

Meet

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower:

You don’t look well, Matryona.

Matryona:

Better look at yourself, old crow!

Flower:

You look pale, lethargic and boiled like pasta!

Well, get ready for work and defense.

Flower:. I have one recipe, we will teach men how to bake pies.

Matryona: Regular apple pie recipe

Flower: Take 10 eggs from the refrigerator, put the remaining seven on the table and wipe the floor, next time be extremely careful. Take a basin and break the eggs into its corner, pour their contents into the basin. Wipe the table from yolks, be careful. So, we have 5 yolks in the basin.

Matryona: Now take the mixer, insert the beaters and start beating the yolks. Try inserting the beaters again... until you hear a click. Whisk.

Wash your face, neck, arms and back, pour the yolk out of your ears.

As a result, you have two beaten yolks left in the bowl, which is exactly what we need for the pie.

Flower: It's time to get the flour. Cover the kitchen walls and ceiling with newspaper and cover the furniture with some fabric. Pour 200 g of flour into a glass, then pour into a bowl with yolks; carefully collect the remaining 800 g back into the bag.

Matryona: After making sure that the ceiling and wallpaper are covered with newspaper, start whisking.

Flower: Take a shower. Take 4 big apples And sharp knife, first run to the pharmacy and buy iodine, a patch and a bandage. It's time to start peeling the apples.

Matryona: Process thumb iodine and bandage it. Cut the apples into cubes and remember, we will need 2 apples, so you can only eat half during the cooking process. Treat your index and middle fingers with iodine.

Flower: Throw the only remaining and already chopped apple into a basin, pick up the fallen pieces from the floor, and rinse them.

Matryona: Beat everything with a mixer. Wash the refrigerator, then it dries - you can’t wash it off.

Flower: Now pour the contents into the frying pan and place in the oven. Wait an hour and if you don’t see any noticeable changes, turn on the oven. When you wake up, don’t call “01”, just open the windows and oven.

Matryona: After everything you have experienced, with a sense of accomplishment, go to the store and buy a cake.

Flower: Come on, Matryona, we need to buy a cake, otherwise now the men will take everything apart, but in the meantime, meet

Diva Alla Pugacheva with the unfading hit “A Million Scarlet Roses”:

There lived a magician alone.

I bought a nice house.

Created a greenhouse -

I grew red roses.

To the glorious women's day

Raised a million

But not loving either one,

He used roses:

A million, a million, a million red roses

You are carrying, you are carrying, you are carrying to Privoz

Who is in love, who is in love, who is in love and seriously

I gave half a thousand for five red roses!

The holiday was successful -

He sold a lot of flowers.

He shoveled money like a ladle,

I just didn't become any happier.

Let him ruin you

But you were happier:

You bought these roses

Gave it to your sweetheart!

Let someone grow a million scarlet roses,

Let him carry it, let him carry it, let him carry it to Privoz:

You're in love, you're in love, you're seriously in love

You will give, You will give everything for five red roses!!!

Flower: Matryon!

Matryona: Aw!

Flower: What do I want to ask?

Matryona: A-ha, ask, ask dear

Flower: Is this what you thought yesterday when we were offered to perform at this school?

Matryona: Hey, heh! My dear, I didn’t think anything. What can we think, they won’t pay us anything here anyway. So at least we will be a gift for the holiday that is dear to them!

Flower: Meet another gift. On the stage Gr. Factory

To the tune Fish from the repertoire for performance by a ladies' group.

When spring comes again,

The streams are ringing, the snowdrifts are melting!

Together with nature on earth

The weak floor also blossoms!

Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!

The spring winds have blown!

Well, why are we worse than these stars?

In your province, girls!

And we have our own producer!

They need to look for something like this!

Don't let tours threaten us!

And business is not going to happen to us!

But we know one thing for sure:

We are the best in this world!

Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!

The spring winds have blown!

LOSS

And on this March day

We sincerely congratulate you!

And reach any heights

We wish you well in all matters!

Let your eyes glow

Let your face shine with a smile!

And may fate give you

One day I'll meet a goldfish!

Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!

The spring winds have blown!

And we wish you more

Hear compliments more often

And may you always be

Much better than your competitors!

And we don't need anything

Just more moments like this!

And even though we are not in the Kremlin now,

But we really look forward to applause from you!

Here we shine like the sun!

Congratulations! Congratulations!

And we will shine for you today

We wish you brighter than any stars!

Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!

The spring winds have blown!

Matryona: Flower, oh, what a song! I'm crazy!

Flower: And I was so turned on, so turned on! You know, I watched a movie yesterday, there were two such men! (at this time R.V. Delikanov and V.V. Pitreev come out) There they are, those from the TV!

Couplets from the repertoire of Bandurin and Vashukov

We are funny grannies

We'll sing ditties for you.

Performed by grandmothers, get your hands ready.

1st:When I was young I was

A very prominent girl...

2nd:Something's looking at you

I can't believe this! (clap their hands in a place with the audience)

I used to perform in the choir,

I sang a song...

2nd:We thought it was a dog

It's howling at the moon! (clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:I had 4 husbands with registration….

2nd:And 4 more were on privatization (they clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:On the path of pensioners

Grandfather was walking with gray hair...

2nd:When he saw you,

He ran away like a young man! (clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:I'm going to a beauty contest

We made a sign...

2nd:Explain to the people

Why are you a technician? (clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:I'm waiting for this spring day

Prince on a horse...

2nd:I was daydreaming! For you

Grandfather will wear a vest!

We've come to the end of the ditty,

Clap your hands

In the meantime, let's go dance

With that good guy!

(bow)

Matryona: Oh, men, respect!

Flower: We are so excited in our souls that we are now going to sing for the men!

Matryona: Listen, do you like ditties?

Flower: Adore!

Matryona: Can you sing them?

Flower: And talk and sing!

One - and, two - and I got shortchanged -

Nowadays there are men.

I'll be like Bandurin.

Matryona: Well, I’m like Vashukov.

Flower: Please, people, pay attention to us!

Together: Let's sing from female face women's suffering!

Chorus: We are not too lazy to sing ditties,

Because it's Women's Day.

Guys, attention -

Women's suffering!

The husband carries a bouquet in his hand.

2. And where will you place it?

Are these ficus plants in a pot?

1. My husband will give gifts again today

Toilet water.

2. That’s why it doesn’t happen

No guests, no flies sometimes!

1. My baby is bald

Well, where should I put him?

2. When there is no mirror

You'll be looking at your bald head

1. They came to match me

On a gray mare

2. They took your chests,

And they forgot about you

1. I am a foreigner

Found it through an ad.

2. You live abroad with him

In sunny Turkmenistan.

1. Darling is walking along the road,

Goes smiling

2. It turned out that he inserted teeth -

The mouth won't close!

1.My dear tractor driver

Well, I'm a milkmaid,

2. He is in fuel oil, you are in manure,

You are a sweet couple.

1. I can Matryon you

Crush with morality.

2. Hey, don’t get angry,

Kettle with spiral.

1. Oh, you, fashion, fashion, fashion,

What have you brought to this point?

2. Even Grandma Lukerya

I went to church in shorts.

1. At school you have girls -

Smart girls, beauties!

2. And I know that for boys,

Love this!

1. We wish everyone good health,

We wish you happiness

2. Happy first spring holiday

Hearty congratulations

1. So that you know sorrows

Even a slight shadow of sadness,

2. So that your eyes always shine,

And not only on this day!

Together: We are not too lazy to sing ditties,

Because it's Women's Day.

We sang suffering

Thank you for your attention.

Dance Nachalka__________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Teacher, teacher.

Matryona: How often do you sing this?

Flower: I want a song for the teacher.

Matryona: Please, by pike command, According to Flower's desire Song All flowers

Matryona: Listen to Tsvetik, that's what I'll say.

Flower: Tell me, tell me, honey.

Matryona: If deputies have a sad life, their salaries are high. But these teachers have a fun life, but the salary is small. Look how funny they are.

Matryona: We congratulate our dear women

After all, you are beautiful, like spring itself!

May fate protect you all from troubles,

And life will be beautiful and long!

Flower: Let there be everything in it - a sea of smiles,

Love and happiness - a whole ocean!

Many amazing stories

And congratulations from distant countries!

Matryona: Ambassador from the island of Sicily. The head of the Sicilian mafia Antonio Zverino (Anatoly Zverev, for example) with an interpreter (translator).

Ambassador of Sicily: Drunk morning because of Stolini Gulini, Poganini, bikini!

Translator: Greetings to everyone sitting in this festive hall!

Ambassador: Drunk in the morning, brainy, sick, goner - hungry, smart, felicita!

Translator: I greet all my friends and colleagues present here!

Ambassador: Drunk in the morning striptease, cretino, bambino, gulako immoral.

Translator: And also those who couldn’t come today!

Ambassador: Mia problem, consensus and body to the hairdryer.

Translator: On this day we will not talk about political and everyday problems.

Ambassador: Mia Rozhe Interesto

Translator: I would like to ask.

Ambassador: Bellisimo belly humanoid?

Translator: Who gave the joy of this holiday?

Ambassador: Mafioso Terazini?

Translator: State Duma?

Ambassador: Papa Putino Cardinale?

Translator: Our president?

Ambassador: Know, know, know!

Translator: No, no, no!

Ambassador: Santa, Maria, Maradona, Felicita!

Translator: Friends, you gave yourself this wonderful holiday!

Ambassador: Mia presente Santa Maria..

Translator: I want to wish you...

Ambassador: Angino, griposo, gastrito, miacardo and radiculito

Translator: Good health!

Ambassador: Kolosale ponimanto respect!

Translator: Mutual understanding in the team and family.

Ambassador: Grandiose business!

Translator: Prosperity in life!

Ambassador: And drunk, drunk, drunk!

Translator: And always be happy!

He bows and leaves.

(Costume of the Ambassador of Sicily: a long dark cloak, buttoned tightly, on top of which is a long white thin scarf (muffler), a dark hat with a wide brim, a cigar, dark glasses.)

Grandmothers: We came to you for an hour to congratulate you on March 8th! We wish you much happiness, until we meet again! Happy holiday, dear teachers!

(The song “For our ladies” by Trofim plays)

We remember wonderful moments
What have you given us in life?
So without delay
Let's start the concert for our ladies!

We are grateful for the smiles
And for the heavenly features,
For the mistakes and mistakes
You forgive out of kindness.

For giving excitement,
That they rise again and again
And Divinity and inspiration,
And life, and tears, and love!

(The intro of the song "SONG OF THE MERRY OLD WOMEN».

New Russian grandmothers appear, sing a song)

SONG OF THE MERRY OLD WOMEN

Music Vladimir Shainsky Lyrics Mikhail Nozhkin

We are the people with our skills
Yes, he rewarded me with fun,
To lift your spirits
I have equipped you to help!

Chorus:
We're a year old - it doesn't matter!
If the soul is young!
It's not a problem for us!
If the soul is young!

Since childhood I have not been afraid of blood,
I will heal all of your wounds.
And if I laugh -
I'll want everyone around me to laugh.

Chorus.

I have a keen eye -
I will make out all your enemies.
Well, when I whistle at once,
I will put the army on the ground.

Chorus.

Can we fire the cannon?
Sew, wash, cook dinner!
Well, what kind of old ladies are we?
The three of us are 300 years old!

Chorus.

Matryona: Good evening, dear ladies and people. Check out how cool I am today..a..cool in general, I’m already enjoying myself! And this is my old friend?..

Flower: ... oh, Matryon, how hard it is to be a real woman these days...

Matryona: oh, Flower, don’t talk. And you look really cool today, that’s okay! (Flower howls) What is it?

Flower: I got up this morning, sat down in front of the mirror, laid out my makeup in front of me... and fell asleep...

Matryona ? No, I went to the beauty salon today. Look what I'm like today..!!

Flower: oh, wow...what a beautiful lipstick you have!

Matryona : the lipstick is super-resistant, once you apply it you can never wipe it off, even if you go to bed with it... by God...

Flower: oooh

Matryona : Fathers, and the shoes, and the shoes...what is a Flower?

Flower: this is Iconika!

Matryona: ahh.. that’s what..

Flower : Shoes for the dead man! oh, for the fan! and look, I bought myself an anti-aging mask..ba..

Matryona : I immediately looked 40 years younger! No, you know, I struggle with wrinkles differently. right now..iron Rowenta, ironed it once and the wrinkles were gone!

Tsvetotsek : oh, you know, I already forgot about wrinkles.

Matryonaa: why is this??

Flower: sclerosis, the best medicine...hihihi....

Matryona : Flower, do you know why we even gathered??

Flower: nooo

Matryona: ahh..about our professional holiday!

Flower : janitor's day????

Matryona : Why is Janitor’s Day...??! I’m actually talking about a women’s holiday!

Flower :ahh...I remember, of course, I remember about the women's holiday! Now our men will congratulate us! What do I look like??

Matryona : Lord forbid...i.e. I want to say super-stupid! Well guys, we are listening to you!

(Men come out singing)
We must honestly tell you
We need girls more than life.
Well, who will tell us that spring is coming,
Well, who will deprive us of peace and sleep?

Who will awaken love in the soul,
Who will make you believe in your dream again,
Who will kiss us, at least sometimes?
Who will share life with us once and for all?

Chorus: (grandmothers sing)

How can you live without us?
Well, tell me, tell me.
Where would you be without us?
Yes, just nowhere.
No wonder all centuries
We are carried in their arms
And we are ready to lend our hands again.

(they bring chairs to the grandmothers, they sit down)

Man : Let me congratulate you on Women's Day, and wish you to always remain as young as you are today..

Flower: Are you kidding me or what? I don’t understand..

Man2 : It shouldn’t be like that! dear grandmothers!

Matryona: by the way girls!

Flower: ...and not that expensive...

Man" :okay, our dear girls, on this day we would like to wish you intelligence, a lot of beauty..and also..

Matryona : wait, wait... what are you trying to say, that we are two unfortunate, terrible fools or something...??!

Man3 : it has to be like this! Our dear ladies, we congratulate you on the holiday and wish you good health!

Matryona: now, that's better!(The men leave) ________________________________________________

Matryona: Flower, what I wanted to tell you...

Flower: FAQ?

Matryona : Do you know that Maria has a granddaughter?

Flower: What are you talking about?!

Matryona : Yesterday I was born, by God.

Flower: Bah!

Matryona : Such an ugly girl!

Flower : It's nothing! It's nothing! Ugly things, they get prettier later. And beauties, on the contrary, turn stupid.

Matryona: Or maybe you were a beauty when you were a child..

Flower: Again! Stop it Matryona, let’s announce the number: on stage ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(scenery: park, bench, Flower comes out, sits on the bench, later Matryona comes out)

Flower: Why did you come out with a guitar??

Matryona: Yes, I want to congratulate you personally..

Flower: personally...well, nice...will you be the only one to congratulate?

Matryona: no._______________________________________________________________

Flower :Okay, now, wait, I’ll take a pose..

Matryona: Fathers...you also have a congratulatory pose...

Flower : Well, what about... (hit parade)

L. Vaikule: Vernissage
Once in our village
I met you by chance
You drank kvass right at the kiosk.

I fell in love with you
For your ADIDAS suit
And there are 3 stripes on the emblem.

There is no end to the chance meeting
We hugged on the porch
Promising to love each other...

The yellow moon was shining
I realized that I was in love
I realized that I was in love

ETC.: May this March day
No one will be lonely
Let them give flowers to women,
And let the cats sing songs.

March 8th every year
I congratulate all the people
And this song is a joke to you
Performed for lovely ladies...

Boris Moiseev comes out
(behaves capriciously, mannered)

We are nobody to each other and that makes it easier
Doesn't hurt, doesn't pinch and doesn't drive you crazy
I came here to see you for a festive evening

To wish you all love and goodness.

I want you to be happy, alive,

If a bullet flies, it always passes by you,

And I want to tell you that you are all beautiful here,

But I’m in a hurry, I’m leaving now!

Ex: I won’t, I won’t eat your vinaigrette now,
And I will not and will not even eat your salad,
I'm passing through here, and I have a ticket in my hands,
I will soon leave for the city of Leningrad!

Alla Pugacheva
To the tune of the Song about a Real Colonel

Oh, what a capricious Boriska you are,
Get out of my sight quickly
You're acting just like a radish
What should I do, I’ll sing for two,

Etc.: Let the songs ring loudly
Today is our holiday!
Happy March 8th, girls
Come out, let's start dancing!

Flower: oh, Matryona, thank you very much... and this is not Boris’s son Maesya..?? (Matryona looks at the flower with amazing eyes)

Matryona: Flower, today is a holiday, but you need to write an explanation why you were late for your Chinese language lessons yesterday??

Flower: damn it (in Chinese, shukai here)

Matryona: why...who should I pinch...??

Flower: nothing... it's in Chinese... damn it's wrong

Matryona: okay, write an explanation, and I’ll come back later

(the audience and Flower write a letter) Why am I late (explanatory)

Beginning of the form

End of form

Why am I late (explanatory)

Yesterday when I was walkingfor Chinese lessons, suddenly fell from a tree on me crazy policeman . I screamed like underground rhinoceros and lost consciousness. I woke up in Karaganda and said: Take mefor Chinese lessons, I really need. But for some reason they took me awayto the State Duma, and from there I walked until he gave me a lift jet jalopy . That's why I was late yesterday.

Matryona : Flower, how come you got into this... Oh, look, there’s some kind of gathering there, let’s go and have a look

(2 people in a bathrobe and start advertising the w-mobile)

HOST: Believing that the best gift is a book is the lot of librarians. You and I know the correct answer. Fur coat? No, take it higher. Well? As dear Leonid Arkadyevich would say: aw-to-mo-bi-l!!! And so, now a new concept car will be presented to your attention... But I’m silent, I’m silent: word to the creators!

Two young men in white coats come out.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Dear friends! Actually, we planned the presentation at the Geneva Motor Show, but for the sake of the holiday (International Women's Day), we will tell you some insider information.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: And so, let Mikhail Prokhorov bite his elbows with his E-mobile, we present the first women's store J-MOBILE!

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Main characteristics. The J-MOBILE, like the hostess, refuels with one glass of gasoline.

CONSTRUCTION 2: Unlike a regular car, a section for lipstick appeared - where the cigarette lighter was. The cigarette lighter itself was removed to avoid an unpleasant burning sensation.

CONSTRUCTION 1: If desired, the J-MOBILE can be painted with henna or hydrogen peroxide, and the thresholds can also be increased.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: An important point: the car is a chameleon. Automatically changes color to match your handbag and boots.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: F-MOBILE - it doesn’t skid on the road, it just wags its bumper.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The Z-MOBILE radio tape recorder fundamentally does not pick up chanson, and automatically replaces it with your favorite hits.

CONSTRUCTION 1: THE F-MOBILE has a disk with compliments. This was done on purpose to respond to the cry: “Where are you going, you fool?” - you heard: “Good girl, you’re doing everything right.”

CONSTRUCTOR 2: Every year the J-MOBILE needs not only pendant repairs, but also a new necklace and ring.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: The J-MOBILE has one drawback, it looks too good on traffic police photo radar images.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The J-MOBILE steering wheel is shaped like Brad Pitt’s torso, which makes you don’t want to let go of it.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The steering wheel automatically gives you a manicure, and the gas pedal gives you a pedicure and a light foot massage.

CONSTRUCTOR 2: The car senses where there is a new collection or discounts and brakes there itself.

CONSTRUCTION KIT 1: A soft toy, a pink pillow and a velvet rag are already included in the basic package.

CONSTRUCTION 2: There is a function to search for a lost earring in the salon.

CONSTRUCTION 1: The inspection coupon is at the same time a discount card and a subscription to the solarium.

CONSTRUCTION 2: The car is washed at least twice with shower gel with violet extract.

CONSTRUCTION 1: There is not only a rear-view mirror, but also a full-length one in the cabin.

CONSTRUCTION 2: To avoid creating a negative image of the owner, the car is equipped with an automatic parking function.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Well, that's probably all. Does anyone in the room have any questions?

PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE: You described everything so colorfully. Does your car have any disadvantages?

CONSTRUCTOR 2: In our opinion, there is only one: the trunk of the J-MOBILE is made according to the principle of a handbag.

PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE: That is?

CONSTRUCTOR 2: It has everything you need, you just won’t find what you need.

CONSTRUCTOR 1: Thank you! Wait for sales! Coming soon to AVON and ORIFLAME catalogs!

Bow.

Matryona: Fathers, Flower, I also want a mobile phone like this...

Flower: hee..I’ve had J-lisaped for 15 years now...and I drive it fine...

Matryona : Well, let’s go, show me, and while ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ will perform on stage - (they leave)

Flower: Well, what do you like about my car? Is it a car?

Matryona : You know, flower: Not really. I have a Cossack, it’s enough for me. The engine doesn’t make any noise at all.

Flower: Why is it so quiet?

Matryona : Why, your ears are pinched between your knees!

Flower : Wow. On the stage_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Matryona: Don't talk, don't talk!

Flower: Oh, anyway, is it really so scary now to walk in the village in the evenings?

Matryona: Good, that's it! You are a maniac yourself, Flower!

Flower: No, I'm a killer of maniacs! MIG 76!

Matryona: I’m looking at you right now, after all, it’s true what they say is that the whole village is afraid of you, the whole village!

Flower: Is she afraid of someone?

Matryona: Why aren’t they afraid of you? Yesterday evening, what did she fire from a gun? You might say she was a hooligan? Did she shoot at the banks?

Flower: So the man was digging cabbage in the field!

Matryona: Bah!

Flower: Yes!

Matryona: oh, look at the young people coming... and how they coo... come on quickly... quickly into the bushes...

(skit)

a short and thin man named VASYOK comes onto the stage. He sits down on a chair. He is wearing a cap with a flower and a fashionable country jacket. He has a grass stalk in his teeth and a small flower in his hands. The song begins to play: “Oh, you’re on the mountain there.”

AUTHOR: Paramount Ascension Pictures presents (pause) Feature Film: "He came again"
His beloved MARUSYA (it could be a man in women's clothing) comes out to see VASUK and sits down next to him.
VASYOK: Hello, Marusya!
MARUSYA: Hello, Vasek!
VASYOK (gives a flower): This is for you!
MARUSYA: Oh, thank you!
They both look up a little in awe. Vasek carefully places his hand on her shoulder. She winces.
VASYOK: Marusya... will you marry me?
MARUSYA: Oh, I don’t know. This is so unexpected! I need to think.
VASYOK: How long can you think? I proposed to you six years ago.
MARUSYA: Well, I don’t know. If you think it's time, then I agree.
The song is still going on. They sigh together with smiles on their faces.
MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya! Who do you want to get first: a cat or a dog?
VASYOK: Well, maybe we’ll have the first child after all?
MARUSYA: Vasya! (pause) Who do you want first: a girl or a girl?
Vasek slowly turned and looked at Marusya. Then he turned back just as slowly.
VASYOK: (thoughtfully) I don’t know. (pause) Probably a girl. And you?
MARUSYA: I don’t care. (pause) Vasya, will you always love me?
VASEK: I will love you to the end.
MARUSYA (after a pause): Vasya, it’s already late. Take me home.
Our heroes are leaving. The music stops.

AUTHOR: Ten years have passed.
Vasya comes out and sits on a chair. Five seconds later, Marusya comes out with buckets. He puts them on the floor.
MARUSYA: Why are you sitting? Why are you sitting, I ask you? Have you cleaned the yard? Did you feed the chickens? I have to do everything myself.
VASYOK: Why are you screaming like that? I'll do everything now.
MARUSYA: I’m screaming because even on the eighth of March, you don’t do anything for me. And you said that you will love me to the end.
VASYOK: So the end has already come.

END

Flower : oh, so much romance... that...

Matryona: and what are you doing with the bag...are you really going there...??!!hihi..

Flower : No...I’ll fly to Hawaii...

Matryona: what a Hawaii... it's a holiday... and especially you don't know what the weather is like there... ahh... what if it rains... snow

Flower : Matryon, what are you... it’s always warm there... and what’s the weather like for our holiday today....??

(weather forecast)

Matryona: Dear comrades, we are starting the weather forecast for tomorrow...

(The flower dances and hums the melody “Emmanuelle”)

So, tomorrow, according to the Hydrometeorological Center of Russia, it is expected...

Flower: Ah!

Matryona: What is this again?

Flower : Something hit me in the back.

Matryona: She jumped, the old nymphet...

Flower: No, when it hits my back, it means rain.

Matryona: Do you understand where it hurts?

Flower: Here, in the upper third...

Matryona: Tomorrow there will be rain in the east of the country...

Flower: Ah!

Matryona: What is this again?

Flower: Something snapped inside me.

Matryona : Thunderstorm possible.

Flower: No, look, it’s gone.

Matryona : There may not be a thunderstorm.

Flower: Do you hear, grandma, scratch your back, something is hurting.

Matryona : Tomorrow there may be a cyclone to the north, an anticyclone to the south, an assault front to the east, midnight in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky!

Flower : Hey, scratch it in the southwest. There's something aching there. It's probably a drop in pressure.

Matryona : Tomorrow in the black earth regions of the country the pressure will drop to 40 degrees inwards, to 40 milligrams... milliliters... oh well... millimeters of mercury.

Flower : For some reason my nose is itchy, probably because of the drinking.

Matryona: Highs in the 40s and lows are expected over the weekend. 9 in the morning there is complete fog, dry conditions and wind. All!

Flower : No, not all. Rain and snow, ice, wind gusts up to 15 m/s, visibility 20 meters are expected.

Matryona: Fathers, where did you find out everything?

Flower : It was announced on the radio in the morning.

Flower: So now the 6th grade students will tell us everything.

6th grade skit

______________________________________________________________________________

Matryona : where is that one? Have you seen my jerboa with glasses?

(Flower appears)

Why are you always late?

Flower : faq, faq I was behind the scenes, watching.

Matryona: Who?

Flower : Like whom? Yes, their beauties. Just look at them......(ditties 5th grade

Matryona: What do you have again?

Flower : Yes, the crossword puzzle doesn’t work. Here are 2 words and it doesn’t work

Matryona: Let me help.

Flower : here 13 horizontally is a bad habit.

Matryona : Whose bad habit is it?

Is it my bad habit? (crying)

Flower: What do you have to do with it?

Matryona : I have a bad habit. I've been suffering for 5 years now.

Flower : What happened then?

Matryona : Yes, as soon as I wake up I brush my teeth.

Flower: It's nothing. This is fine.

Matryona : Who is fine. And do you know. How many times do I wake up during the night? - normal.

Flower : Doesn't fit anyway.

Matryona : Look eighth vertically. Starts with the letter I...

Flower And this is a game. 5th grade on stage

Flower: I have good news. I was chosen as the best fan of the year.

Matryona : Well, that’s right, now you’re sick, now with something else, now with this, now with a leaking roof.

Flower : You started teasing me again.

Matryona: Okay, we need to finish this matter, otherwise you will get sick again.

Meet

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Flower:
You don’t look well, Matryona.

Matryona:
Better look at yourself, old crow!

Flower:
You look pale, lethargic and boiled like pasta!
Well, get ready for work and defense.

Flower:. I have one recipe, we will teach men how to bake pies.

Matryona: Regular apple pie recipe
(especially for men who are preparing a surprise on March 8)

Flower: Take 10 eggs from the refrigerator, put the remaining seven on the table and wipe the floor, next time be extremely careful. Take a basin and break the eggs into its corner, pour their contents into the basin. Wipe the table from yolks, be careful. So, we have 5 yolks in the basin.

Matryona: Now take the mixer, insert the beaters and start beating the yolks. Try inserting the beaters again... now until you hear a click. Whisk.
Wash your face, neck, arms and back, pour the yolk out of your ears.
As a result, you have two beaten yolks left in the bowl, which is exactly what we need for the pie.

Flower: It's time to get the flour. Cover the kitchen walls and ceiling with newspaper and cover the furniture with some fabric. Pour 200 g of flour into a glass, then pour into a bowl with yolks; carefully collect the remaining 800 g back into the bag.
Matryona: After making sure that the ceiling and wallpaper are covered with newspaper, start whisking.

Flower: Take a shower. Take 4 large apples and a sharp knife, first run to the pharmacy and buy iodine, a patch and a bandage. It's time to start peeling the apples.

Matryona: Treat your thumb with iodine and bandage it. Cut the apples into cubes and remember, we will need 2 apples, so you can only eat half during the cooking process. Treat your index and middle fingers with iodine.
Flower: Throw the only remaining and already chopped apple into a basin, pick up the fallen pieces from the floor, and rinse them.

Matryona: Beat everything with a mixer. Wash the refrigerator, then it dries - you can’t wash it off.

Flower: Now pour the contents into the frying pan and place in the oven. Wait an hour and if you don’t see any noticeable changes, turn on the oven. When you wake up, don’t call “01”, just open the windows and oven.

Matryona: After everything you have experienced, with a sense of accomplishment, go to the store and buy a cake.

Flower: Come on, Matryona, we need to buy a cake, otherwise now the men will take everything apart, but in the meantime, meet

Diva Alla Pugacheva with the unfading hit “A Million Scarlet Roses”:

There lived a magician alone.

I bought a nice house.

Created a greenhouse -

I grew red roses.

To the glorious women's day

Raised a million

But not loving either one,

He used roses:

A million, a million, a million red roses

You are carrying, you are carrying, you are carrying to Privoz

Who is in love, who is in love, who is in love and seriously

I gave half a thousand for five red roses!

The holiday was successful -

He sold a lot of flowers.

He shoveled money like a ladle,

I just didn't become any happier.

Let him ruin you

But you were happier:

You bought these roses

Gave it to your sweetheart!

Let someone grow a million scarlet roses,

Let him carry it, let him carry it, let him carry it to Privoz:

You're in love, you're in love, you're seriously in love

You will give, You will give everything for five red roses!!!

Flower: Matryon!

Matryona: Aw!

Flower : What do I want to ask?

Matryona : A-ha, ask, ask dear

Flower: Is this what you thought yesterday when we were offered to perform at this school?

Matryona : Hey, heh! My dear, I didn’t think anything. What can I think, anyway, they won’t pay us anything here. So at least we will be a gift for the holiday that is dear to them!

Flower: Meet another gift. On the stage gr. "Factory"

to the tune “Fish” from the repertoire for performance by a ladies’ group.

1 TO.

When spring comes again,
The streams are ringing, the snowdrifts are melting!
Together with nature on earth
The weak floor also blossoms!

CHORUS:
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

2 K.
Well, why are we worse than these stars?
In your province, girls!
And we have our own producer!
They need to look for something like this!

Don't let tours threaten us!
And show business has no chance for us!
But we know one thing for sure:
We are the best in this world!

CHORUS:
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

LOSS

3 K.
And on this March day
We sincerely congratulate you!
And reach any heights
We wish you well in all matters!

Let your eyes glow
Let your face shine with a smile!
And may fate give you
One day I'll meet a goldfish!

CHORUS:
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

4 K.
And we wish you more
Hear compliments more often
And may you always be
Much better than your competitors!

And we don't need anything
Just more moments like this!
And even though we are not in the Kremlin now,
But we really look forward to applause from you!

Here we shine like the sun!
Congratulations! Congratulations!
And we will shine for you today
We wish you brighter than any stars!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
Oh, Lyuli, my Lyuli!
The spring winds have blown!

Matryona: Flower, oh, what a song! I'm crazy!

Flower: And I was so turned on, so turned on! You know, I watched a movie yesterday, there were two such men! (at this time R.V. Delikanov and V.V. Pitreev come out) There they are, those from the TV!

couplets from the repertoire of Bandurin and Vashukov

We are funny grannies
We'll sing ditties for you.
Performed by grandmothers, get your hands ready.

1st:
When I was young I was
A very prominent girl...
2nd:
Something's looking at you
I can't believe this!

1st:
I used to perform in the choir,
I sang a song...
2nd:
We thought it was a dog
It's howling at the moon!(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I had 4 husbands with registration….
2nd:
And there were 4 more on privatization(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
On the path of pensioners
Grandfather was walking with gray hair...
2nd:
When he saw you,
He ran away like a young man!(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I'm going to a beauty contest
We made a sign...
2nd:
Explain to the people
Why are you a technician?(clap their hands in a place with the audience)

1st:
I'm waiting for this spring day
Prince on a horse...
2nd:
I was daydreaming! For you
Grandfather will wear a vest!
Both:
We've come to the end of the ditty,
Clap your hands
In the meantime, let's go dance
With that good guy!
(bow)

Matryona: Oh, men, respect!
Flower: We are so excited in our souls that we are now going to sing for the men!
Matryona : Listen, do you like ditties?
Flower: I love it!
Matryona: Can you sing them?

Flower: And talk and sing!
One - and, two - and I got shortchanged -
Nowadays there are men.
I'll be like Bandurin.

Matryona: Well, I’m like Vashukov.
Flower: Please, people, pay attention to us!
Together: Let's sing from a woman's perspective, women's suffering!

Chorus : We are not too lazy to sing ditties,
Because it's Women's Day.
Guys, attention -
Women's suffering!

1. Every year on March 8
The husband carries a bouquet in his hand.
2. And where will you place it?
Are these ficus plants in a pot?

1. My husband will give gifts again today
Toilet water.
2. That’s why it doesn’t happen
No guests, no flies sometimes!

1. My baby is bald

Well, where should I put him?

2. When there is no mirror

You'll be looking at your bald head

1. They came to match me

On a gray mare

2. They took your chests,

And they forgot about you

1. I am a foreigner
Found it through an ad.
2. You live abroad with him
In sunny Turkmenistan.

1. Darling is walking along the road,

Goes smiling

2. It turned out that he inserted teeth -

The mouth won't close!

1.My dear tractor driver
Well, I'm a milkmaid,
2. He is in fuel oil, you are in manure,
You are a sweet couple.

1. I can Matryon you
Crush with morality.
2. Hey, don’t get angry,
Kettle with spiral.

1. Oh, you, fashion, fashion, fashion,

What have you brought to this point?

2. Even Grandma Lukerya

I went to church in shorts.

1. At school you have girls -
Smart girls, beauties!
2. And I know that for boys,
Love this!

1. We wish everyone good health,

We wish you happiness

2. Happy first spring holiday

Hearty congratulations

1. So that you know sorrows
Even a slight shadow of sadness,
2. So that your eyes always shine,
And not only on this day!

Together: We are not too lazy to sing ditties,
Because it's Women's Day.
We sang suffering
Thank you for your attention.

Dance Nachalka__________________________________________________________________________

Flower: Teacher, teacher.

Matryona: How often do you sing this?

Flower: I want a song for the teacher.

Matryona: Please, at the behest of the pike, at Flower’s desire Song “All the Flowers”

Matryona: Listen to Tsvetik, that's what I'll say.

Flower : Tell me, tell me, honey.

Matryona: If deputies have a sad life, their salaries are high. But these teachers have a fun life, but the salary is small. Look how funny they are.

Matryona : So let's continue to have fun. Girls, come out and dance!

Dance

Matryona: We congratulate our dear women
After all, you are beautiful, like spring itself!
May fate protect you all from troubles,
And life will be beautiful and long!

Flower: Let there be everything in it - a sea of smiles,
Love and happiness - a whole ocean!
Many amazing stories
And congratulations from distant countries!

Matryona: Ambassador from the island of Sicily. The head of the Sicilian mafia Antonio Zverino (Anatoly Zverev, for example) with an interpreter (translator).

Ambassador of Sicily: Drunk morning because of Stolini Gulini, Poganini, bikini!

Translator: Greetings to everyone sitting in this festive hall!

Ambassador: Drunk in the morning, brainy, sick, goner, hungry, smart, felicita!

Translator: I greet all my friends and colleagues present here!

Ambassador: Drunk in the morning striptease, cretino, bambino, gulako immoral.

Translator: And also those who couldn’t come today!

Ambassador: Mia problem, consensus and body to the hairdryer.

Translator: On this day we will not talk about political and everyday problems.

Ambassador: Mia Rozhe Interesto

Translator: I would like to ask.

Ambassador: Bellisimo belly humanoid?

Translator: Who gave the joy of this holiday?

Ambassador: Mafioso Terazini?

Translator: State Duma?

Ambassador: Papa Putino Cardinale?

Translator: Our president?

Ambassador: Know, know, know!

Translator: No, no, no!

Ambassador: Santa, Maria, Maradona, Felicita!

Translator: Friends, you gave yourself this wonderful holiday!

Ambassador: Mia presente Santa Maria..

Translator: I want to wish you...

Ambassador: Angino, griposo, gastrito, miacardo and radiculito

Translator: Good health!

Ambassador: Kolosale ponimanto respect!

Translator: Mutual understanding in the team and family.

Ambassador: Grandiose business!

Translator: Prosperity in life!

Ambassador: And drunk, drunk, drunk!

Translator: And always be happy!

He bows and leaves.

(Costume of the Ambassador of Sicily: a long dark cloak, buttoned tightly, on top of which is a long white thin scarf (muffler), a dark hat with a wide brim, a cigar, dark glasses.)

Grandmothers: We came to you for an hour to congratulate you on March 8th! We wish you much happiness, until we meet again! Happy holiday, dear teachers!

There are no men in your team, but you need to somehow congratulate yourself and your loved ones on March 8th? We will give you many ideas on how to spend fun party in a women's team on their own, and without the participation of the male half of humanity. A holiday in an all-female group can also be very interesting if you prepare not only congratulations on March 8, but also funny scenes, funny games and competitions, ditties, riddles, funny questions with answers, quizzes, humorous performances and remade songs. Our full scenario of a corporate party on March 8 in a women's team without men can be supplemented with other competitions for Women's Day at your discretion.

Scenario for a corporate party on March 8 in a women's team without men

By the way, a themed party could be a good idea to spend March 8th in a group. For example, in retro style, or 80s style, in the form of a masquerade, ball, rock party, with an appropriate dress code.

What you will need for this fun scenario:

Potato;

Dolls and clothes;

Items of women's clothing;

Men's and school briefcase;

Robes and buttons, threads, needles, scissors;

Fruits vegetables;

Comic giant underpants;

Chocolate coins;

Boxes with papers;

Prizes for the beauty contest: tights, nail polish, mascara, beads, pillow, belt;

Competitions for women's teams on March 8 without the participation of men

1 competition. Whose subject?

The essence of the competition: one participant comes out, she is taken aside, and without her the presenter collects a subject from the women from the team. It could be watches, rings, beads, belts, phones or phone cases, any jewelry, jewelry, maybe even a shoe! Our participant must guess where whose object is and conclude whether she knows her colleagues well.

2 competition. Mistresses.

At least 2 participants take part in this competition. But more is possible. They will need to complete comic tasks to test their speed and ability to be a good housewife. For example, there may be such tasks:

Peel 5 potatoes at speed;

Dress the doll in clothes;

Dress up for work - in comic items of clothing: a hat, beads, shoes, a skirt - on top of your clothes.

Sew 5 buttons on speed to the robe.

Sort out the things of the husband and child: some into the husband’s briefcase, others into the child’s briefcase.

Etc. The most agile female participant and hostess wins.

3 competition. Dance.

They call two participants who know how to dance the waltz and invite them to dance to the music. But the music begins to change in style, then rap, then jazz,
………………………………………

4 competition. Fruit temptation.

You need to buy fresh strawberries, bananas, apples, oranges, kiwi, lemon and other fruits. Also cucumber or potato. Cut everything into large slices and mix in two bowls.
…………………………………………….

5 competition. Characteristic.

The head of the organization characterizes each colleague briefly on a piece of paper. Next, the leaves are mixed.
………………………………………………………..

6 competition. Try laughing.

They call one of those who want to take part in the competition. She goes backstage, and the presenter gives her giant leggings, which she must put on over her clothes. …………………………………………………….

7 beauty contest.

All women in your team can participate in the beauty contest.

Comic nominations:

1.) Longest legs
2.) Longest nails
3.) Longest eyelashes
4.) Biggest breasts
5.) Biggest butt
6.) The thinnest waist
Etc.

The meaning of the competition is simple: girls are given cardboard numbers of participants on a ribbon, or have round numbers glued to their backs. You need to walk beautifully along the catwalk, demonstrating all the nominations. The winners receive small prizes.

Possessor long legs: tights, long nails - varnish, long eyelashes - mascara, large breasts - beads, big butt– a pillow under the butt with buckwheat, thin waist- belt.

Game: If...

The presenter prepares two boxes, in one box there are pieces of paper with the beginning of phrases, in the other box - the end of phrases. The presenter gives each woman to draw 1 piece of paper from each box. And then read them in order. Fun questions with answers that fit together.

Examples (beginnings of phrases):

1. If I were our boss, then...
2. If I knew the President personally, then...
……………………………………..

Examples: (ending phrases):

1. Then I would be the happiest person in the world.
2. Then I wouldn’t work here anymore.
……………………………….

A scene for March 8th for a women's corporate party based on the theme: Three girls under the window

Three women - three girls - take part in the sketch. Who sit under the window on a bench and gossip about this and that.

Presenter: Three girls under the window chatted in the evening, talking about this and that.

1 girl: If only I could get drunk now

Presenter: One girl says,
…………………………………………

A sketch for March 8th for a women’s corporate party based on the theme: I’m writing to you, what more?

Text of the letter:
We write to you, what else?
What more can we say?
Today at a corporate party,
Of course we'll have a drink.
…………………………………..

A comic scene with dressing up: a declaration of love to women

A woman dressed as a man comes out. The costume is designed to make it funny; the man is supposed to be macho.

Macho: Good evening, dear ladies!
I am a macho man, a conqueror of women's hearts.
It will be fun with me, just kick-ass!
I won’t let you get bored and sad,
Don't believe me? I'm worth a lot.
All the socialites were after me,
……………………………………….

Ditties for corporate parties on March 8

1.) We are sporty babes
We love to sing and dance.
And we'll put on sneakers,
You definitely won't catch up with us!

2.) I have three boyfriends,
I'm fed up with attention.
I can't choose someone
I'd rather be alone.
………………………………..

Riddles for a corporate party on March 8 (for adults, with a trick)

1.) Above the knee, below the navel, there is a hole - a hand can easily fit through. (guess: pocket)
2.) It can be long, it can be short, it can be thick, it can be thin. He pokes his nose around everywhere, he's called by three letters. (guess: nose)
…………………………………

Song-adaptation to the tune: “Let them run clumsily...” for March 8

Verse 1:

Let all men run
In the morning to the shops
Buy bouquets of flowers.
On this day we are goddesses,
Queens, princesses,
Be ready for whims, man!

…………………………………………….

End of introductory fragment. For purchase full version scenes go to cart. After payment, the material will become available for download on the page with the material, and via a link that will be sent to you by e-mail.

Price: 299 R ub. Promotion