Famous psychoanalysts and researchers of human nature, and great writers, and even mystics and psychics have spoken about love at first sight, but there is no clear answer to the question of why one is drawn to practically to a stranger, not to this day. Most people have experienced so-called love at first sight at least once in their lives - that feeling of being drawn to a person, when desire start communicating with him and get to know him as best as possible, and in the very first minutes of the conversation it seems as if you and this person understand each other perfectly and have known each other for a very long time.
When we have a Christ mentality, it is easier for us to do things for other people. We understand our earthly ministry and our mind is not conformed to this world, but it is transformed into the mentality of Christ. Spiritual understanding is a great gift of the Holy Spirit. Having come to the knowledge of Christ, we will be able to trample upon scorpions and wounds, and we will also have the wisdom of a scoundrel, who will give us all power over the enemy, and our strength will be the joy of God.
Unfortunately, many people today are religious, but they do not have a personal relationship with God. They experience life among their creeds, rituals, but their hearts are far from God. “Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father in heaven.”
Craving for a person, the desire to communicate with him and be close to him is a very strong emotional experience that people often confuse with true love. However, this is more infatuation than love, since love, in addition to sympathy and attraction, presupposes trust, mutual understanding and respect. However, often real love It grows precisely from attraction, love at first sight. But why is one drawn to a person? Why do we almost instantly fall in love with some people, while other people leave us indifferent?
What makes two people "light" from the moment they look at them? Why do men and women often only need a few seconds to feel attracted to each other? Suddenly the man who is driving normal life A seemingly uneventful person may wake up at a certain moment to change eyelashes with a person, which makes him feel anxious, excited, "transported", full of nervous energy.
Such moments make us systematically surprised, and with their power and surprising nature we can change the entire course of our existence. For someone on the outside, the phenomenon of sexual desire often resembles madness. For very a short time, elapsed since they met, two people can promise that they will stay together until the middle of the century.
Hypotheses why one is drawn to a person
Psychology does not give a clear answer to the question of why one is attracted to a person, but there are several hypotheses that can explain the reason for attraction at first sight. These versions are:
- Psychoanalytic. The essence of this theory is that we are all looking for a person similar to our first unconscious love - father or mother. As the founder of psychoanalysis believed, it is the parent of the other sex (for women - father, for men - mother) who is the first love of a person, which he experiences in early childhood. Next, a person spends his whole life looking for those who have some of the traits of a parent, and noticing someone whose smile, facial expressions, manners, posture, etc. remind of the object of his first love, he experiences a strong attraction to him.
- Reply. A person may be attracted to someone who already feels love for them. Seeing sincere interest, tenderness and passion in the eyes of a friend, a person feels loved, significant and needed, and these feelings prompt him to fall in love in return.
- Topographical. The name of this theory was coined by the famous American sexologist John Money, who argued that people are drawn to those who somehow remind them of a person who once left a significant mark on their soul. This theory is in many ways similar to the psychoanalytic one, however, according to it, the “standard” is not a parent, but youthful love, the first sexual partner, and even a favorite film actor or musician in childhood.
Physiological.
Some psychologists and sexologists believe that attraction to a stranger or unfamiliar person arises due to pheromones - special substances that the human body secretes in order to attract people of the opposite sex. Pheromones have virtually no odor, but they are able to affect certain human receptors, causing a strong response to their “source”.- Hypnotic. Proponents of this theory are confident that attraction to a stranger arises as a consequence eye contact With nice man ohm In many animals, eye-to-eye gaze is interpreted as a challenge, and perhaps humans also subconsciously perceive gaze as a call to make contact or to look away and move away. If the beholder seems attractive, the person may subconsciously “obey his challenge,” and the brain perceives this unconscious decision as falling in love.
- Romantic. Romantic people suffering from loneliness often dream about their future chosen one, inventing for themselves the image of a “prince charming” or “dream girl” that is ideal for them. And when a romantic meets someone who seems similar to his imagined ideal, he may feel a strong attraction.
- Mystical. Fans of magic, esotericism and are sure that those with whom we fall in love at first sight were our loved ones in past lives (reincarnations). According to this theory, if one is drawn to a person, it means that there is already a karmic connection (soul connection) with him, which must be restored in reality in order to bring to life what was not completed in a past life.
What to do if you are attracted to a person
Having felt a strong attraction to an unfamiliar person, you can either try to get closer to him or force yourself not to pay attention to the feeling that has arisen. Most people believe that you still need to give love at first sight a chance, because it is possible that it is “fate.” But if you decide that a guy is the object of a sudden attraction, you still don’t need to rush headlong into the pool, but when communicating, try to evaluate the person you are attracted to critically.
The lovers in question may be too eager to continue analyzing how they can be so confident in each other; it is enough for them that they love each other and happily attribute their newly discovered state of excitement to a wonderful state.
Sexual attraction is often immediate. This is why it seems involuntary and is why it is often attributed to supernatural factors such as "luck" or "fate". Mythology would have us believe that gravity is decided by the gods and that it strikes us from beneath the blue, taking the form of Cupid's deadly arrows. The magic potion in which the arrows are soaked suspends consciousness, reason and will, leaving the victim in a state of “illness” without hope.
It’s not for nothing that falling in love at first sight is often called the illusion of love, because we fall in love not with another person, but with the feelings that we experience when communicating with him. We strive to be close to someone we are attracted to, because in his company we experience euphoria and happiness, and without him we experience an inability to concentrate and a strong desire to meet the object of passion. But even the most strong love does not live long - after a few weeks or months of communication, it either transforms into a deeper feeling or disappears without a trace.
Even today, it is still believed that sexual attraction is something irrational that exceeds our power of influence and control, and yet, studies conducted by psychiatrists and behavioral scientists have found that this phenomenon is not in such a random and inexplicable form as it seems.
Various published in Lately documents indicate that we are able to look into and unconsciously assess not only the social and economic status of other people, but also their emotional “background”. The “miracle” of love at first sight does exist, but what is truly miraculous is the unconscious selection process we make.
It is not so important why you are drawn to a person - the main thing is not to place too many hopes on love at first sight and try to first get to know the object of your passion better, and then make a decision.
Greetings, my dear readers! Have you ever wondered what is the main principle by which you choose a person for a relationship? It's just a hobby strong feelings or a subconscious search for the image of a mother/father? Today I propose to talk about why one is drawn to a certain person. Is it worth giving in to this feeling or should you think about it so as not to destroy your existing happiness?
The general belief that opposites attract is based on numerous examples of failed partnerships. An introverted person is often attracted to an extroverted one because the strength of one's voice complements the other's voice. An extrovert sees himself as introverted as a rock or as an anchor in a storm; and the attacker sees in extroverted flame, warmth and light. The life of one of them would remain unfulfilled without the other, since the sum of their qualities seems to form a perfect whole.
As other partnerships show, similar qualities are also attractive when we're talking about about character, appearance or marital status. In any relationship there are points of similarity and others in which the partners are opposite poles. The success of a relationship depends on achieving a prefect balance, but also maintaining an equilibrium as each partner develops and evolves, sometimes with at different speeds reactions.
New emotions
What is attraction to a person? The desire to constantly be near, to hear a voice, to smell, a feeling of impossibility without him. Such feelings can be either momentary and quickly passing, or long-lasting, lasting several years.
Sometimes you just meet a stranger and all your thoughts are only about him. He seems so mysterious and interesting. Communication is filled with flirting and play. You immerse yourself in it completely and completely, and there is no other world. All the past is left behind.
Physical appearance is a more obvious factor among the complex signals of sexual attraction. However, contrary to popular belief, people are not automatically attracted to the most beautiful member of the opposite sex, although there is broad consensus on criteria for assessing physical beauty. Instead, people are attracted to those who are as attractive as themselves.
This is illustrated by two experiments. In one of them, a group of people, consisting of very attractive people and others, were shown several photographs and were asked to choose the person they would like to meet. Only very attractive people chose beautiful partners.
Something new and unknown always attracts a person. Especially against the backdrop of the routine and dullness of life. So, one of my clients, being already for a long time married, met a man at a party. They just talked, but he left a certain mark on her soul.
She described how wonderful he was, how very different he was from her husband, that he was completely different and she couldn’t live without him. As a result, she left her husband, and after some time the new gentleman turned out to be the same ordinary and worthless comrade.
In another experiment, subjects were shown photographs married men and women. Most people agreed on the attractiveness of each person and, remarkably, the group collected photographs of several couples who were actually married. How do two young people fall in love with each other? Why feel each other? Here are two questions to look for a scientific answer in this article. Therefore, we will try to discover the secrets of sexual desire.
It all starts the same way: a boy knows a girl or a girl knows a boy. They attract each other and the rest comes naturally. It is a bonding ritual as ancient as human species. But now science is entering the bedroom to drill down into the details of sexual desire, putting the chemistry of desire, love and long-term relationships under the microscope.
A person is drawn to mystery, to the unknown. But upon closer examination, everything seems different, not so fabulous and beautiful. Everything new captivates and pulls you along. And it’s very cool when something strong and eternal is born from this situation. I have a huge number of examples when a new and bright feeling appeared in a person’s life, developing into strong love for many years.
Strong evolutionary processes determine what attracts us to a partner and how we attract others. Natural selection is the fight for survival best shape. Animals are in competition for food and predators. The survivors pass on their genes to the next generations. But here's the process: sexual selection. They say that all excellent animals “dance in half.” Only animals that can attract a mate will pass on their genes. Sexual selection rewards characteristics and behaviors that distinguish men from women and help attract a sexual partner.
And sometimes you just like a person, have a good and fun time with him, don’t think about anything, and then you realize that you are very much attracted to him. You can no longer imagine your evening without a text message or a call; every moment you want to know what a person is doing.
If you can’t sort out your feelings, are unsure about something or have doubts, then I have an excellent article in store for you that will help you figure it out in just a few minutes: “”.
Scientists now know that humans are no exception to these rules. Anthropologist and professor Helen Fisher has been studying how our bodies evolved to attract boys to girls and vice versa for more than 30 years. Today we can see which parts of the brain are working and we can understand the experiences we live through when we fall in love. Not surprisingly, men were found to respond better to visual stimuli, while women were more interested in character. Male subjects have more activity in the region that integrates visual stimuli.
Drawn to the past
But we are drawn not only to something new and unknown. It happens that you just can’t get the image out of your head. ex-lover. The relationship could have ended several years ago, but you still continue to be drawn to the person.
Respondents responded to regions associated with memory. Of course, it is well known that people are aroused by visual stimuli. Striptease is one of the oldest professions. For men, visual stimuli are extremely important and activate the brain more than women.
Women also like to watch, but men like it more. That's why there is a very strong evolutionary motive. Researchers believe this waist-to-hip ratio is ideal. This result seems small, but it shows what men are looking for in a sexual partner. Women with a waist-hip ratio of about 0.7 will become more easily pregnant, have better pregnancies, are less conceptually developed, and will experience fewer spontaneous abortions.
When the relationship was long-term, this turn of events is not surprising. You just have a lot in common, you have given each other so much that it seems impossible to live without him. You constantly communicated, had mutual friends and acquaintances, you had a common life, common plans. This is what haunts me even after several years.
A person can cling to the past because he does not see his future. Or afraid of the unknown. Doesn’t believe that she can trust another person, it seems that new good relations can't be built anymore. Therefore, he clings tightly to the past and this notorious attraction appears.
These features, along with their full-blown lips or cheeks, are controlled by sex hormones and are called "hormonal markers." The face and human body represent a set of symmetry signals and signals of hormonal effects: testosterone in male body, female estrogen. Features such as chest and body fat in the cheeks and lips are largely dependent on the levels of sex hormones called estrogens. Primarily secreted by the ovary, it influences the menstrual cycle and the development of female secondary characteristics during puberty, including facial and body shape.
If this is exactly the case for you and you still can’t break with your past, then read the article “”. Even if you are not attracted to your first love, the article will help you sort out your feelings for the past and you will definitely find the answer to the question - how to forget a person and move on?
What to do about it
Estrogen is a marker of a woman's "quality", including her reproductive abilities. A woman's ability to endure pregnancy is related to estrogen. It seems that men are especially attracted to women whose signs indicate good hormonal levels, so that the chances of producing healthy offspring are greater. For millions of years, men had to mate with healthy, young and fertile women who could make them healthy.
But it's not just women who show hormonal markers. When boys go through puberty, testosterone secreted by the testicles helps develop masculine features, such as prominent cheeks or a strong jaw. These masculine traits indicate masculinity and health. They are also indicators of dominance that are associated with the reproductive success of males, including human breeds.
If you free man, then calmly surrender to it wonderful feeling. Passion and love make a person inspired and inspired. It's a wonderful and liberating feeling. You should enjoy every moment and just be happy. Understand that life is too short to deny yourself feelings and emotions.
What if I don’t like you, but I’m attracted to you? Again, if you are free, then let yourself enjoy your health. Sex, for example, is very good for health. And good sex, in general, can even cure headaches.
Sexual attraction is temporary. Estrogen levels decline with age, meaning a youthful appearance is attractive to men seeking fertility. Only today it seems wrong. It is possible to create features that nature did not provide or age has not been obscured. Guilty: Aesthetic surgery.
Character and social situation. Women, in particular, are looking for different qualities. For them, an ideal partner is more than a source of fertile sperm. A woman looks for intangible qualities: devotion, devotion and kindness, which indicates a husband and good father for children. But they cannot be assessed only by appearance. A woman cannot simply look at a man and evaluate whether he can support and protect her. Women in love were found to have more blood flow to the hippocampus, an area of the brain associated with memory processing.
Another question is if you are not free, you already have a relationship, but are drawn to a completely different person. It's worth stopping and thinking seriously here. Because a rash and quick decision can greatly change both your life and those of others.
Try to understand what this new attraction means. Maybe you are looking for something new and invigorating? If this is the case, then stop and think about how you can achieve similar emotions with your loved one.
But what does memory have to do with a woman's sex drive and love life? It seems that women are interested in the character of men and make a "map" of their behavior to determine whether they are partners and daddies. She needs to remember what he did, what he promised, what he didn't do, in order to assess whether the man will good husband and father. And memory is important for this. And in fact, this is what women always do. Discuss with other women, remember what he did and what he didn't do. From an evolutionary point of view, it is good for her to be stable person who will help her raise her children.
If this is not the first time this has happened to you, and you often pay attention to other people while in a relationship, then you should think about why you are in a relationship at all. Understand what you are missing, what you are clinging to, what you are running away to. Maybe both you and your partner are struggling in your relationship, but are afraid to admit it to each other? After all, in happy couple There is no such thing as a third wheel.
If you want to build healthy and happy relationship, then Dean Delis’ book “ The paradox of passion" It covers the issue of relationships, faded passion and reciprocity in a rather extraordinary way. The author looks at many questions from a new angle, which will undoubtedly give you a lot of food for thought.
Where do you think this attraction comes from and why? certain people? Is it more like love or a slight crush? Or maybe it's just passion?
Enjoy life and be happy!
