little child perceives “5” or “4” not just as a mark, but as an assessment of his personality - whether I am good or bad. No wonder in some pedagogical systems refuse marks completely, so as not to create unnecessary reasons for. How adequately a child can perceive grades depends, for the most part, on the family. After all, sometimes parents forget that not only the result is important, but also participation, and studying is a process of obtaining not so much grades as knowledge.
In addition, grades are always subjective: the result may be affected by the teacher’s anxiety or attitude. But often the child’s perception of grades is influenced by the parents’ attitude towards them, and the latter, in turn, can be divided into several types.
Anxious parents. Most often, anxious parents worry about grades: for them, it is an indicator of the success of their child, and, therefore, this is their assessment as an effective or ineffective parent: in other words, how their contribution to the child was assessed by society. “For such mothers and fathers, a bad grade is catastrophic - if he has a “2”, then I - bad parent“,” explains Anna Fateeva, child psychologist at the Crisis Center for Assistance to Women and Children.
Authoritarian parents. The situation with grades is no less difficult for children of demanding, controlling, critical parents. Often such people are forced to rewrite the assignment until it looks perfect; they meet a grade of four, and even more so a grade of three in the diary, with stern silence, lectures, or punishments. The child begins to fear evaluations, especially if he has already encountered punishment - physical or emotional.
Narcissistic parents. It also happens that it is important for parents to present the child’s results to the public: to be proud, to brag, to show off, and then the parents - obviously or not - convey to the child: “If you are not successful, you do not live up to our expectations, we don’t need you like that.” Here we are dealing with a situation of rejection, which, accordingly, will lead to excessive and panic before showing the diary to the parents.
Compassionate parents. Some are excessive caring mothers inclined and ready at any moment to alleviate his suffering. With them, children quickly understand: if you cry after you get a bad grade, not only will they not scold you, but they will even pat you on the head, feel sorry for you and buy you a chocolate bar. Now the baby uses this method every time just to be on the safe side.
The source of the problem can be not only the family, but also the environment at school: excessive strict teacher or competitive environment in the classroom can also provoke an exaggerated reaction to grades. In this case, the child begins to fear that his classmates will not accept him because of his poor performance.
Daria Dmitrieva
Psychologist at the Crisis Center for Women and Children
What to do if your child worries too much about grades?
When a teenager gets bad grades, many questions arise that are almost impossible to solve. At first, his parents begin to scold him and force him to complete the task more carefully, and then they simply refuse to do so. What is the right thing to do if teenagers get Cs and Ds? Child psychology helps answer the question by revealing the meaning of behavior.
Teenager nervous about family relationships
First, parents should think about their own relationships. Statistics say that the first reason for a teenager's poor grades is a difficult relationship between parents. Sometimes this point goes unnoticed because the family seems great. However, even small scandal or a disagreement causes deep emotional distress in a teenager.
If a teenager has constant grades of three and two, he is probably in serious pain. All families should create an ideal living environment for their children. Faced with constant difficulties, teenagers stop thinking about studying or communicating with the rest of the world; all that matters to them is the relationship between their parents. This simplest example, showing how subtly all children feel their parents’ disagreements, so they should not be allowed under any circumstances.
Teenager's relationships with others
For a teenager, relationships with other people are the most important part of life. They think about the words of other peers, teachers and just passers-by. At the same time, he encounters numerous difficulties and receives Cs and Ds. This is not absent-mindedness, but rather an excellent example of an attitude towards the world around us - contempt.
If a teenager gets bad grades, he probably just isn't trying hard or wants to prove to the world that he doesn't need more. At this age, children do not think about the future; for them, C grades remain simple points, and a certificate and higher education not interesting.
There are many reasons for this attitude, although the first signs of mistakes appear in teachers and peers. Sometimes teenagers find themselves in a company where they try to prove their worth in another way. It doesn’t intersect with excellent academic performance, so it pushes everything into the background.
When teachers become the reason for opposition to the world, the situation becomes much more complicated. In modern times in secondary schools Only a few teachers are willing to fully “give themselves to their work.” Teenagers used to feel love and care, but now all this is gone. Adults do not understand teenagers and reject their opinions, which results in a confrontation that leads to bad grades and a complete refusal to study.
The situation when teenagers start getting C grades is always critical. It is impossible to avoid it. This period in life still comes sooner or later, although parents can sense the growing tension in the relationship in time in order to interrupt it and even out the situation. This is not so difficult to do, you just need to listen to your children. It's better to plan everything in advance possible errors. In this case, the consequences will be much milder and will pass much more calmly, without disturbing the calm flow of life of the teenager, as well as his parents and all close people.
With the arrival of school time, children raised in different conditions who received different upbringings are trying to equalize and evaluate. Moreover, the resulting assessments are not always objective. Every child is unique. Some people learn the lesson easily, others need to work hard. Parents need to prepare for different situations and think through their behavior in such cases.
So, the child came home from school, upset, with a bad grade. What should parents do and what should they do?
What not to do
- Hit the child. Physical violence is not best method education, which can give the opposite effect to the desired one. The child will become angry, shut down, and learn worse than before.
- To humiliate him morally. No nicknames or ridicule; complexes may develop, self-esteem may decrease, and the distance between parents and child will increase.
- Scold for failing and punish. Limit something, prohibit it, deprive you of your favorite things. The goal of learning in this case will be assessment, not knowledge.
- Condemn and threaten. The child may lose interest in studying.
—Compare a child with his friend, acquaintance, loved one. Comparison data is the path to the formation of low children's self-esteem.
- Do tasks for him. This will deprive the child of independence.
Such methods will not improve the situation, but will lead to mistrust and will only worsen the situation. But you shouldn’t ignore bad grades either.
What should parents do if their child gets a bad grade?
- Parents should talk openly with your child. You need to find the reason for the failure (no contact with the teacher, poor health, embarrassment, fear, gaps in knowledge, etc.). Knowing the cause, it can be eliminated.
- If the student no contact with teacher, you need to talk to the teacher. After listening to the other side, new reasons for a deuce may open up.
— You may have to resort to drastic measures: move to another class, school, because sometimes a child’s poor performance occurs due to an unhealthy climate in the team, due to negative influences, etc.
— The reason for a bad grade may be mental and emotional state child. In this case, you need to contact a psychologist (if the condition is systematic), simply give the child a rest (perhaps, refuse additional classes, sections, etc.), but at the same time prevent conscious manipulation against the background of poor health.
- If they are bad grades arise from gaps in knowledge, it’s important to tighten up weaknesses child. You may need to sign up for English courses for children, find a tutor in mathematics, Russian and other subjects that are difficult for your child.
— Relatives should show their love and provide support. Treat unwanted assessments calmly and with understanding.
— It is worth praising the little schoolchild for his other achievements, efforts and abilities.
- If the reason for the bad mark was laziness, then more is required serious conversation, it is necessary to explain to the child that the skills acquired at school will greatly help him in the future. Proper motivation is the path to success.
Only by realizing his mistakes and understanding the reasons that led to them will the young student acquire his personal experience and will definitely find the right solution.
It is important for parents to remain on the side of the child, to be best friend and a faithful assistant. Be patient and help your child learn an intractable lesson. Rejoice together at excellent grades and good knowledge and be sad about the failures.
After all, it’s not the grade that’s important, but the child!
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