Horoscopes drawn up in a playful way will help diversify family holidays and corporate events. With this kind of entertainment you can give good mood to everyone present and make a “good forecast” for the coming year.
It so happens that modern man is very superstitious. In pursuit of a good life, prosperity, respected position and family happiness, he often relies on the “will of the stars” and magic. And that's not bad at all!
By psychologically setting yourself up for good changes in, it is quite possible to achieve victories in Everyday life! The main thing is to believe and make efforts. A comic horoscope, unlike a regular one, is drawn up in a humorous form.
Such an astrological forecast can be in prose or written in verse. Poems, by the way, are more easily and positively perceived by people at an event, at any feast and at any holiday.
Feature of the humorous - gently hint about the shortcomings of a certain zodiac sign and “generously predict” good changes in the coming or coming year. Such “instruction” will definitely make every guest present smile and leave him with pleasant memories.
IMPORTANT: A comic horoscope, as a rule, is compiled on the basis of a real one, created by astrologers. But, it is written in a more understandable language, in simple words and added with wishes.
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aries men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
As they say, Aries is “still a ram.” And there is a share in this undeniable truth! Next year, Aries will be faced with a number of unpredictable situations that could confuse the “curly” ones. Be careful, don’t lean your horns into difficulties and try to overcome them! Being too stubborn is unlikely to help you achieve your desired goals. In the year of the Rat, Aries should relax a little and let the situation go, as they say, “with the flow.” This will allow you not only to relax, but to organize any business in such a way that it ends to your benefit!
For women:
If the Aries man is a “ram”, then the woman is a “baroness”. And this is not just a play on words! In the new year 2020, sheep women will be especially attractive and irresistible. Many of them will find “female happiness” thanks to the tenacity and frenzy with which they will strive to achieve what they want. In addition, if you are an Aries woman and have any acting skills, the horoscope wants you to pretend to be stupid from time to time for the same good purposes!
In verse:
Aries is a sign of “stubbornness” and arrogance,
Every little thing pisses them off!
To make life “sweet”
Drink without reserve on this holiday!
Aries need a lot of space
So that the house is not crowded,
On the robot, in the garage
And of course in the shower!
New Year meets Aries
With an open soul:
Let the “barn” be full,
There are oats and grass in the bins!
Horoscope wishes for Aries
Be calmer and more gentle
So that the soul is calm,
Life would be more fun!
Happy New Year for Aries
He will definitely come to the house,
A new broom of bad weather
It will sweep it up and carry it away!
Comic New Year's horoscope 2020 for Aries women and men: poems Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Taurus men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Taurus, like stubborn Aries, should“relax and slow down” a little. It is excessive tension and the desire to help everyone, everywhere and always, that destroys restless “bulls” and “chicks”, preventing them from getting the desired maximum from life. In the year of the Rat, Taurus will be especially vulnerable to difficulties and problems arising both on the love and professional fronts. In order for any outcome of the case to be positive and kind, do not hesitate to ask for help from loved ones. At the moment when life “shows a red rag” to Taurus, one should not accelerate and run to bright color, but close your eyes tightly and just let “things take their course.” And without you, Taurus, others will figure it out just fine!
For women:
Taurus women need to be in the new year be especially careful with words spoken and emotions expressed. The fact is that the year of the Rat will allow the ladies of this Zodiac to be, so to speak, excited and not very mentally balanced. To avoid problems in relationships and at work, you need to “keep in check” your attacks of jealousy, rage and the desire to help everyone!
In verse:
Calm and peace to Taurus
I wish you a good horoscope,
So that life is easy and beautiful,
The problems “didn’t lead to death.”
More Taurus this year
The horoscope wishes you well,
So that there is a Porsche under the window,
So that there is a lump of dough under the mattress!
To Taurus this New Year
Love and inspiration will come,
Fate will bring good luck,
Calm, peace!
Taurus is strong and powerful,
And into the new year our horoscope
Wishes only a better life,
May you be incredibly lucky!
In the New Year's horoscope
And Taurus has a prediction:
Those who are single and free,
They will find recognition in love!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Gemini men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Gemini is a special sign. Gathered in this sign put together several best qualities person: curiosity, prudence, wisdom, thirst for knowledge and development. Along with this, in the new year 2020 they should protect themselves from talkativeness, boasting and boringness. The horoscope advises Gemini to read, write, think more, but not speak out loud, otherwise the sign risks losing a number of important people in life. If you can’t talk about a new event, talk to the mirror or write!
For women:
There will be no Gemini for women in 2020 some special emotional outbursts, changes and fateful events. The Year of the Rat promises to be “fun” and full of pleasant little things: a new fur coat, a ring, a meeting with an old friend, who has also gained a lot over the past few years. Just live, as they say, “for yourself” and please your loved ones. Avoid gossip, and “bite your tongue” yourself if you want to retell the news you heard!
In verse:
Gemini, you are nonsense,
Refrain from sin!
Be quieter and wiser
To make life kinder!
The horoscope wishes you
Good-natured Geminis,
Eat a lot, listen more,
Don't talk about trifles!
New Year for Gemini:
Dear ladies and men,
Promises to be good.
Clap your hands loudly!
So that there is a lot of happiness,
Gemini is dear in the year
This one will be without barriers,
No problems, hardships, losses!
May Gemini this year
Having fun and frolicking.
May fate bring them
Lots of joy and happiness!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Cancer men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
For Cancer men, the Year of the Rat promises small, but very pleasant changes in life. Firstly, this is wealth, it will “flow into your hands” slowly but very confidently. Secondly, you risk meeting “your soulmate” in this world, if you haven’t already. “Crawl out of your shell” more often, don’t be afraid to communicate with people, don’t close yourself off from your loved ones, and 2020 will be a very interesting year!
For women:
Cancer women will finally have a chance in 2020 feel needed, important, loved. The main thing is not to lose calm, self-confidence and harmony between soul and body. Speaking about the body, it is worth noting that in the year of the Rat, Cancers will experience incredible emotional uplift and any illness, as well as depression, will not “catch on” and ruin your mood.
In verse:
Cancers, you're in luck!
This year is a happy one for you!
The horoscope wishes you,
To be desired and beautiful!
In this year, Cancers need to know in general:
Wealth is not hidden in chests or money.
Wealth hides in the soul, in family, in friends,
They will help in right time and they won’t let you go to waste!
Cancers will have incredible luck in 2020!
They will find peace, wealth and love.
They will meet happiness along the way many times!
There will be plenty of joy, food and wine!
Cancers can have fun
Sing loudly, joke, dance.
Happiness rushes towards them in the New Year,
To hug everyone!
Happy holiday, Cancer!
The New Year promises you everything:
Lots of happiness and reasons to cry
Only from joy and trifles!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Leo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
Male lions inspire fear by their very appearance and respect for all other zodiac signs. They have the same attitude towards life: they let someone close, they “sharpen their claws” about others. The New Year 2020 for Leo will be very successful and lucky. The Year of the Rat will completely obey Leo and bring him many pleasant emotions!
For women:
Leo women, like men, will have luck in literally everything in 2020: they will climb the “career ladder”, meet worthy man, will gain health and be incredibly attractive. The Year of the Rat will bring “fatal pussies” a lot of profit, both in terms of “prey” and a new fur coat, boots, beads and earrings!
In verse:
2020 will be an easy year
It will be bright and happy!
He will bring health to the lions,
Inspiration and strength!
Leos will be pleasantly surprised
A successful year is coming for them!
In it they will “get drunk with happiness”
“Luck will come to their house.”
Fate promises all Leos and Lionesses
Good luck getting drunk this year
“Catch a star”, have luck,
And all victories without exception!
To lions, as rulers of the world,
The year wishes to be happy!
So that the house is full,
So that there is peace in your soul!
Horoscope wishes for Lionesses
To be real queens
And Leos have great wealth,
May life be simple and “smooth”!
Predictions for Leo Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Virgo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
As you know, Virgo men are real “narcissists”. That is why in 2020, the horoscope predicts many difficulties for them, primarily with the fact that they are not able to “understand and love their neighbor.” The Year of the Rat promises to be not easy, and in order to achieve the desired results, Virgo will have to, as they say, “press on the gas” and make every effort.
For women:
Virgo women will feel like real queens in 2020! Of course, all the grace will not just fall from the sky on them and in order to please yourself with excellent results in the professional or personal sphere, you will need hard work and faith in yourself. Virgos should also begin to limit themselves in everything in 2019-2020: candy, gentlemen, spoken words. This will help you gain respect and recognition from others.
In verse:
Horoscope wishes for Virgos
Big and small victories!
Enter the New Year with confidence,
He will protect you from harm!
Seductive virgin beauties
The New Year will bring only joy!
Let life be the way you like it,
It will turn into sweetness for you!
To the wise and beautiful Virgos
New Year wishes boldly
Be successful in everything
And there was no reason for the troubles!
Virgos - zodiac sign,
New Year wishes you happiness!
So that goodness surrounds,
So that love does not disappear!
Smile wider, Virgos,
You are the happiest in the world!
There is no more beautiful person in this world
And throughout our entire planet!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Libra men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year 2020, Gemini men should devote time not only for self-development, but also for your appearance. Therefore, do not hesitate to get a membership to the gym, spa area or sauna. Being beautiful is not a sin! In addition, try to always be closer to your family, do not hesitate to be boring and intrusive, just show your interest in what is happening.
For women:
In the year of the Rat, women of the Libra sign will “fly in the clouds.” That is why they will often not be on time always and everywhere. In order for your affairs to go well and end with the desired outcome, you should stock up on perseverance and constantly “slap yourself on the cheeks” in order to return to reality. In the New Year, be sure to devote a lot of time to your beauty and health, and take care of your loved ones.
In verse:
Smile, all men,
If there is a Libra nearby.
These women are beautiful
Dream come true!
New Year will give Libra
There are many reasons to be happy.
He will leave it under the Christmas tree
Gifts, kisses and hugs!
Huge adventures for Libra
Will add a new year to life,
So that there are no disappointments,
He will bring you good luck!
The stars have now decided:
In the new fabulous year
Libra will receive strength as a gift,
Warmth, love, family comfort!
Libra has big changes
The likelihood of them is so high
All the best will happen without a doubt
Life will be bright and easy!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Scorpio men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Scorpio men will have to really try keep your thoughts and emotions in harmony with your body. This “poisonous” zodiac sign will be especially vulnerable and excited in 2019-2020. That is why you should refrain from scandals, quarrels and divorces. On the other hand, the year is very successful for making money, and therefore it is best to direct your energy to improving your financial condition.
For women:
Like men, Scorpio women in 2019-2020 They will be real “hysterics”. Ladies should very skillfully hide their real emotions and feelings so as not to spoil their relationships with everyone around them. The year promises many romantic and love encounters, which in turn does not interfere with Scorpio’s existing marriage.
In verse:
Scorpios are good:
Lots of money and soul!
The horoscope tells the sign
Just cry with happiness!
In the year 2020 to all Scorpios,
A lot of changes are coming:
In work, relationships and at home.
Try to avoid problems!
Scorpios urgently need
Lots of exciting changes.
Horoscope wishes friendship
Solve your problems!
For life to be successful,
Scorpios, try your best.
Horoscope wishes: tenderly
Smile at problems!
2020 is knocking on your door,
His time has now come.
Now good things will happen
Happy New Year with Scorpio!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Sagittarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Sagittarius men “risk” being lucky in the new year and happy, they have every chance for this. The main thing is not to lose your luck on the way to happiness. In the professional and personal spheres, everything will be very smooth and quite “even” - without losses and disappointments. Smile more at the world around you and everything will be fine!
For women:
Sagittarius women should definitely“catch luck by the tail”, and then hide it in yourself and not let it go. If ladies make an effort in the year of the Rat, they will definitely gain recognition, find true love and climb the career ladder high, high.
In verse:
“Let Sagittarius live well” -
Astrological forecast advises.
Let them rest body and soul,
Let them not shed hot tears in vain!
Heaven wishes for a Sagittarius man
Be a true champion of the ladies.
Let life not hit you in the face like a glove,
Give way to dreams and deeds!
Let Sagittarius' dreams come true,
Let your wishes come true!
Astrologers wish Sagittarius beauty,
Good luck, joy, love charm!
Sagittarians are the favorites of luck,
Let it be this way and not otherwise!
And the New Year will give into winter
To them happiness and happy love!
The stars predicted joy
A gift for all Sagittarius.
Life will be like sweetness for them,
Every day is cheerful and bright!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Capricorn men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Capricorn men should finally understand what they want in their life: love, family or a big career leap. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to get everything at once, and therefore all your strength should be directed in only one direction. The year is good for searching for yourself, muse and space. However, if you fly too far, you risk losing touch with reality, that is, ruining your relationships with others.
For women:
Capricorn women will become real muses for their men, admirers and admirers. The year promises ladies to be filled with beauty, harmony and purity. Each representative of this zodiac sign “risks” falling in love completely by accident and very deeply. Financially, Capricorns will be very vulnerable and wasteful.
In verse:
In the year 2020 Capricorns
The stars wish to be themselves,
Along your life paths
Walk with a happy destiny!
Lucky all Capricorns
Good comes to their house
Happy New Year,
There will be no trouble!
Luck and prosperity is knocking,
To the homes of all Capricorns in the New Year.
Let a good fairy tale happen
Dreams will not be a sweet dream!
Astrologers wish you harmony,
Find strength and love within yourself.
The year for Capricorns promises to be calm,
And the feelings will excite the blood!
Capricorns are incredibly lucky
The year will be pleasant and happy.
Men's pockets will be full,
Well, the women will turn out to be beautiful!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aquarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
The New Year will be very calm for Aquarius men and measured. Practically, not a single event can disturb the peace of mind of men and prevent them from achieving their desired goals. In the personal life of Aquarius, there is an abundance of romantic meetings, tender feelings and only pleasant changes.
For women:
Women of this zodiac sign are quite frivolous., but at the same time romantic and dreamy. The Year of the Rat promises them abundance love adventures and only positive changes. But, at the same time, you should not “drown in the abyss of your dreams,” so as not to lose touch with reality.
In verse:
Aquarians will feel
Have fun, wait and believe,
What in their life is like in a fairy tale
Happiness will knock on the door!
For Aquarius, New Year is a favorite holiday,
He gives them the warmth of loved ones.
Astrologers promise you only joy,
Luck - it will just walk through your door!
Astrological predictions
They wish Aquarius to be wiser,
Make decisions with a smile in your heart,
May your dreams come true as soon as possible!
Horoscope wishes for Aquarius
A lot of bright, love joys,
So that the love in the soul does not fade away,
And my soul was as light as snow!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Pisces men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Pisces men will “swim calmly” all year round with the flow” and float past problems, failures and disappointments. This year, the strong half of humanity will definitely meet “their fish” and find family happiness. In the year of the Rat, don’t expect any strong “career ups”, but this is far from bad.
For women:
The main thing for Pisces women in the year of the Rat is not to look stupid and do not create too negative an impression of yourself. Be active and cheerful, laugh in the face of failures and problems. In your personal life, the year promises positive changes, for example, a new lover or a marriage proposal!
In verse:
Let Pisces sail to their luck
Happy new colorful year!
Let difficult problems be solved,
And life will not throw Pisces into the frying pan!
Pisces are very silent
Pisces love silence.
Wishes for Pisces in the New Year
Horoscope “to catch your dream”!
So that Pisces have fun and joy,
Astrologers foretell them:
Relax, eat sweets,
The stars foretell love for you!
Video: “Comic Horoscope for 2020 for friends”
ARIES
21.03 TO 20.04
- Who is our workaholic?
- Who can’t stand it when they are superior in some way?
-Whose gait is similar to running? Who is this?
- This is him, the ever-excited and aggressive Aries!
Aries - Star Ram (or Sheep) - has brilliant positive inclinations and hard work, but he is often irritable, stubborn and hot-tempered. The heat of his passions knows no bounds, and his desire to insist on his own can turn into despotism. He is impulsive and unpredictable.
Aries is an individualist and does not give in easily to the will of others. His own strong will knows no limits, his active mind pushes forward without fear of obstacles. However, Aries is not good at understanding people. Hence his usual disappointment in communicating with people.
Often - an extremely aggressive, angry-stupid type, a warlike and cruel primitive, deeply convinced that happiness should come with burning tears, and goodness with heavy fists.
Mentally retarded, Aries has difficulty remembering simple things since childhood. Thinking, he is already blushing from the effort. He would have screwed up more than once if he had been able to. As a child, Aries dreams of a career as a military man or astronaut and therefore constantly starts fights.
From his youth, Aries is mentally easily excitable, but shows either surprising indifference, reaching the point of apathy, or unexpected outbursts of anger at minor failures. He does not tolerate objections, and reasonable arguments have no effect on him.
When drunk, Aries is prone to scandals.
His vulgar soul, the Ram, is wide open to his drinking companions. Likes beer with salty jokes. True, his jokes are flat and rude, and their main theme is the physiological functions of the body. This humor is a characteristic symptom of underdevelopment or damage to the frontal lobes of the brain, and it is called “frontal humor” in psychiatry. The conversation of the Ram is like the eloquence of the deaf and dumb. “What, don’t you have hands to talk?” - Aries' favorite saying.
Aries has no artistic flair, no good manners, no ability to behave in society, no concern for his appearance.
In family life, he must be kept away from money - he will spend it all instantly, and he doesn’t know where. Boring in society: he can talk about himself for hours without noticing others.
All his life, Aries-Baran has been busy looking for new (or not so new) gates for himself.
Sheep wives are ambitious and aggressive, but they, constantly nagging their husbands, push them to success, since they have no equal in ambition and enthusiasm.
Ram husbands are irresponsible. It is difficult to tie them to the house. They need companions who would take them with a tight rein.
Aries is a sign of health with a reasonable lifestyle.
Aries should avoid Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces in marriage and friendship. Must look for Libra, Sagittarius, Leo.
CALF
from 21.04 TO 21.05
- Who smiles from ear to ear if they don’t contradict him?
-Who thinks he knows the most?
- Who loves fashionable things?
- Who loves baked, boiled, and fried?
- Oh, it’s him, the stubborn and carnivorous Taurus!
A healthy and mercantile boor, Taurus achieves his goal through perseverance and patience. Doesn't give up on things he has planned. Rarely listens to advice and can suddenly act ahead. He is more guided by feelings than by reason.
In anger, he is like an angry bull, and his anger is long: he does not forget or forgive insults. As a child, Taurus loved to torture animals.
The main shortcomings of Taurus: boredom, lack of imagination, stinginess, pessimistic view of things, stubbornness, cruelty to oneself and others, callousness. Taurus is conservative in his views.
Petty and boring, Taurus is a suck-up and informer. In life, he keeps his nose to the wind and follows all the instructions of his superiors.
The Taurus man likes to pose as an altruist, and the woman as a martyr. At the same time, Taurus, an actor by nature, actually despises everyone, considering himself deep down to be the center of the universe.
Taurus loves wealth, but hoards secretly, although tirelessly. He, the “wretched wretch” (A.N. Ryzhov), is ready to take off the last shirt from his neighbor.
In general, the Sign of Taurus (Golden Taurus!) is the sign of a banker, and Taurus should remember this.
Most Taurus people love to smoke (more than other Zodiac Signs), and they have difficulty quitting smoking. But because of his stinginess, Taurus can smoke all sorts of rubbish - from self-sweet beer to cheap weed.
In company, Taurus can prove himself to be a pleasant conversationalist, amiable, dexterous, agile, but sometimes he becomes burdensome due to a lack of tact, due to his flaunting of rudeness, undisguised selfishness and excessive chatter.
In their youth, Taurus have many affairs, but they soon realize that marriage is more important to them than success in love.
Taurus enters into a marriage of convenience. Very jealous. He also chooses his mistress (lover) according to calculation. Nevertheless, homosexuals are more common among Taurus than among other Zodiac Signs.
An egocentric with sadistic tendencies, Taurus terrorizes the family from childhood to old age, although outwardly he seems polite and affectionate to outsiders. His children must “walk the walk.” All family finances are in his (her) hands, and only he (she) has the right to manage them.
The Taurus woman is pleasant, but others can be overwhelmed by her excessive practicality. She chooses her partner carefully. She will always demand from her husband both moral and material compensation for the youth and beauty she gave him.
Taurus women usually know better than other Zodiac Signs how to keep a man with them. But it is Taurus women who make the most terrible and obnoxious old maids.
Taurus does not trust anyone, not even himself, and therefore the Taurus husband is painfully jealous.
Being a usurper of all privileges that he can reach, Taurus in the family is the center and unquestioning manager. He looks different at work, where he is the most helpful member of the team. The authorities favor him.
In general, Taurus, being by nature strong and firmly sewn, is healthy, hardy and energetic. He is born with a strong constitution and can live to an old age without any disease. Most of his illnesses stem from excessive work, drinking, smoking, and love affairs. When sick, Taurus does not recover for too long, falling into despondency and loss of spirit.
Taurus does not have an inferiority complex, and therefore the best career for him may be that of a politician, military man or athlete.
Taurus and Scorpio are two opposites of each other. The union of Taurus with Virgo, Capricorn, and Aquarius is not always favorable. Taurus should avoid Pisces and Cancer. Libra and Sagittarius can become Taurus' partners, as well as Leo for love and friendship.
TWINS
from 22.05 TO 21.06
-Who likes to make fun of others?
- And who does not tolerate ridicule of himself?
-Who loves immense attention to themselves?
- Of course, these are the always quarreling Twins!
from 22.06 TO 22.07
- Who is changeable, like the capricious weather: sometimes he fasts, sometimes he allows himself everything?
- And who can hope for the sympathy of this one who is most in need of sympathy,
- thick-shelled Cancer?
Cancers are self-absorbed losers and fatalists who do not believe that they can change their lives. This leads them to passivity, laziness and inertia.
Among all the Zodiac Signs, Cancer is the first contender for the role of an energy vampire, sucking energy from the psychosphere of the environment.
If in the horoscopic birth chart of Cancer the Moon is “strong” (this can only be determined by a professional astrologer), then Cancer risks being a “lunar vampire”. But we don’t need the services of an astrologer to recognize the lunar vampire in Cancer: Cancer-Moon Vampires are whiners in life, constantly “crying into their vest” and waiting for sympathy. They strive to “burden” their wife (husband), friends, neighbors, and acquaintances with their experiences in order to at least partially “burden” their cross on them. These abilities of the lunar vampire are closely related to the phases of the moon, becoming more acute during periods of the full moon. The Moon controls Cancer-Moon Vampires, determining the ups and downs of their mood. Cancers are susceptible to the mood of others: at the moment of depression, they need communication on a psychological level with people who can bring them out of this mood. As soon as the mood of those around him worsens, Cancer will feel great relief, mental uplift and come out of a state of mental depression.
If in the horoscopic birth chart of Cancer the Moon is “weak” (this can only be determined by a professional astrologer), then Cancer risks being a “solar vampire”. But we can recognize him without an astrologer, since Cancer-Solar Vampires are brawlers by nature. They choose a victim who is weak and prone to stress, impose their problem on her and provoke her into an argument. The scandals caused by the solar vampire are constant and have nothing to do with the phases of the moon.
“Cancer is hysterical and a liar. If he does not lie, then he is hysterical; if he is not hysterical, then he is lying” (astrologer A.N. Ryzhov).
Cancers are sensual, easily vulnerable and therefore terribly suspicious and touchy. They never forgive anyone for their grievances.
At work, Cancers are relatively honest and almost reliable, but they do not like innovations. They have a heightened intuition, reaching the point of mysticism, hiding it from others, since they do not like to stand out from the crowd to the point of stomach cramps.
In life, Cancer is a loser. He is a conservative and an opportunist, immersed in introspection. Nothing can change his beliefs. Having learned that the suit fits him well, Cancer will wear him to pieces.
Cancer argues against any statement out of a spirit of contradiction in order to mock his opponent and grow in his own bulging eyes.
Out of fear, Cancer may attack first, but usually, sensing danger, it flees to its hole, to a place that cares and cherishes more than anything else. He takes pleasure in denigrating everyone and everything, pretending to be the master of the situation and pretending to be strong and confident. In fact, he is scared to death of everyone.
Cancer considers everyone to be idle, for whom he alone works hard. Everyday work disgusts him, and he imperceptibly pushes it onto others.
It is difficult for Cancer to find an object of love because of his high claims, and having fallen in love, he can pursue the object of love for years.
Cancers are the mothers of all Zodiac Signs. They - good housewives, but they usually love their children more than their spouse. And they love them like a mother.
Cancers rarely marry at an early age, as they have difficulty leaving their parents' home and are too attached to their mother. Cancers are possessive and very jealous. Family for Cancer is his fortress.
Cancer is the only Zodiac Sign that can find mutual understanding with all others, but finds special happiness with Scorpio, Virgo, Capricorn and Pisces.
from 23.07 TO 23.08
- Who is proud of everything that is related and close to him?
- And who expects the same from those around them?
- And you just can’t stand their insensitive gaze?
- Oh, it’s him, the loving and royal LION!
Of course, not everyone is called to rule the empire and the world, but those born under the Sign of Leo have greatest chance to leadership. Leos are called to both rule and love. They are deeply unhappy if they are not bowed down to. They are noble when it does not destroy their charisma of power. The world for Leo is a huge stage on which a play written for his dramatic talent is played out. His unattainable arrogance can poison anyone's life.
“Do not excite the system called Leo, otherwise he will lose his balance and fall on top of you. I didn’t even say a word about the vestibular system: I’m talking about excitation” (according to A.N. Ryzhov).
At first impression, Leos are confident in themselves, but in reality they are characterized by doubts. They are very concerned about their appearance (especially women). And they really love a fat wallet.
Leos are generous to those, only to those they love. They are not susceptible to the mood of others and never notice hints made to them.
Leos do not understand people well, and therefore Leos are conquered with flattery and praise. They are ambitious, shameless and aggressive. At the same time, they are also arrogant.
From early childhood, Leo has a penchant for drinking and extortion. As a child, he extorts money from his parents, then from friends and acquaintances. His hypertrophied pride and self-esteem can poison the life of anyone, and gluttony can ruin any pocket. However, he rarely gets fat.
“Screwing in a screw for Leo is all, crap. This, first of all, is not a royal matter! He won’t even unscrew it: he will knock it out with an ax along with the wall to the neighbor.
Leo is a mechanic? Well, this is a defective Leo! He probably has square genitals. Can't be. Their hands don't grow from there. Here is a senior mechanic, yes!” (according to A.N. Ryzhov).
Leos love to earn big money and even more love to spend it. They borrow a lot, give away, spend, and in general - often live beyond their means.
Leos are the most gambling and avid players of cards, lotto, and billiards, but their luck is very doubtful. Moreover, they are incorrigible cheaters.
Leo has the highest success rate of all the zodiac signs, but they also have the worst failures.
Leo loves the whole world to revolve around him, so he always strives to be the first in everything; if this does not work out, he withers and noticeably shrinks in size. He has an unshakable sense of his own greatness, worth and infallibility.
Pride is Leo's enemy, especially if it is not justified in any way. In these cases, he experiences mental inflation: depression, quirks, abusive, morbid humor. Then he becomes an arrogant and pompous person, punishing those around him for his unfulfilled ambitions as a tyrant. He becomes a slave to his vices, a petty and restless adventurer, considering only himself. The “Napoleonic complex” that developed against the backdrop of all this can sometimes drive Leo to a madhouse.
They say about Leo that he roars more often than he bites.
Ideal partners for Leo are Libra, Cancer, Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini. Leo has a mutual coldness with Aquarius and Taurus.
VIRGO
from 24.08 TO 23.09
-Who criticizes everything he sees and hears?
- Who analyzes each of his and each of our sneezes?
- Who loves and cherishes even their own illnesses?
- Of course, this is Virgo, a practical bore!
Those born under the Virgo sign are intelligent and have an analytical mind, but they have too much opinion of themselves. In others he values only erudition, and therefore often loses friends. To be happy, Virgos often lack ease of communication, although many people born under this Sign have achieved high results in their chosen activities.
But know this: if after a few minutes of communication with smart person, you want to dismember him and send his remains to several non-existent addresses - according to the horoscope, this person is most likely a Virgo.
Virgo - “Woe from Wit”: she continuously chews her mental cud, conducting a mental dialogue with herself, building cages in her mind (not always golden) in which she prefers to live.
Virgo has the charm of a pink-faced toad, the grace of a china shop elephant, and the brains of a calculator.
Virgos are petty, stingy, boring and grumpy. With their tediousness and their nagging, Virgos can ruin any business and drive anyone to white heat. Virgo never improvises, and draws up the most detailed, boring and detailed action plans for both herself and her loved ones, despite their protests.
Virgo is meticulous when calculating expenses, but she spends a lot. Her sayings: “The miser pays twice” and “If you don’t pay extra, you don’t inform.” Virgo buys expensive things without haggling. However, Virgos like to wear things out and are hesitant to throw away old things.
Virgo's pedantry is unbearable. She has a cold calculation in everything, and everything she does is difficult and boring.
Virgos are masters of intrigue, and they will not rest until they have exhausted the entire family of their enemies to the tenth generation.
The most terrible marriage, like a cannonball chained to the leg of a prisoner, is “Virgo + Virgo,” which was Leo Tolstoy’s.
Of the negative traits of Virgos, the one that most repels friends and acquaintances from them is their eternal moralism, bordering on their hypocrisy and their narrow-mindedness.
Virgo's body does not feel like a part of nature. He does not have the energy of Aries, the vitality of Taurus, the elasticity of Gemini, the endurance of Cancer, or the resistance of Leo. It is fragile, it gets tired easily, it often looks painful.
A typical Virgo illness is constipation and intestinal spasms, which threaten to poison the entire system if they drag on too long. From them, Virgo develops merichlundia (bad mood) and even indigestion (indigestion). But Virgo has a first-class system of iron nerves, and she knows how to deal with health problems. Here is Virgo’s credo: “Beauty will be saved by an enema!”
Virgo monitors the symptoms and does not allow the bad to worsen. True, as a rule, this leads to exaggerated attention to health, to a mania for cleanliness, to a fear of germs, which excludes all normal contacts, which can even result in sexual abstinence. It is also true that Virgo’s obsession with mania for cleanliness is periodic, and the very next day Virgo can get into the mud up to its ears.
The virgins are rude in a Jesuitical way: with a delicate, narrow-lipped grin, they dump out a whole bag of arguments they have collected. At the same time, their eyes become prickly, and their nose becomes a nose-trunk. And one more thing: when they are rude, they do not lie and do not imagine anything. These are such infections and ulcers!
Virgo has no natural instinct to take action. If their heart is caught, they retreat, go into hiding to think. They hate and fear all uncertainty and expectation. Passion seems to Virgo to be a disease of the soul that reason must cure. Virgos analyze their feelings, trying to minimize them with the help of reason, doubt, debate and ridicule, while nevertheless being more attached to the object of passion than they think.
Virgo is hot ice, and therefore does not pour out her love in words, preferring action to words. Tenderness seems to Virgo a form of humiliation, and she considers herself above love's cooing. The brilliant slow-witted Virgo often “stays in the dark,” unable to choose, like Buridan’s donkey, one of two, and that is why no Sign has more bachelors and old maids, isolated in a cage or, until the end of their days, as they say, "in the ivory tower."
Virgo men rank 1st in terms of impotence among all Zodiac Signs.
An alliance with Capricorn, Taurus, Scorpio and Cancer is favorable for Virgo, but she should avoid Aries and Sagittarius.
The ringleader and the provocateur. This is exactly the scary person who takes half the office to the bar on Fridays, and then the frightened wives and husbands of his colleagues catch the latter in parks, other people's apartments or the next bars in a row. What about Aries? But nothing - his job was to start and quit, and if they got so wound up, that’s their problem)
“Where have you taken us, Hero Susanin? “Leave me alone guys, this is my first time here...” - a situation typical for Aries, especially during travel, vacations and vacations. Moreover, Aries often leaves it to others to get out of the situation, claiming to be sick/tired/suddenly dull, etc.
Aries, by the way, is one of those who consider the argument “I was drunk” to be quite weighty and understandable for most “normal people”, and what’s interesting is that they are often excused for this, although then they think for a long time - what motivated them?
It's simple - childlike spontaneity. For this, you will forgive Aries everything - and the fact that he brought you to the wrong place or at the wrong time, disappeared, got drunk, brought you strangers or even forgot you at the station at the beginning of the journey)
But then, having extricated yourself from all these stories, you will remember the antics of Aries with pleasure, especially when twenty years have passed and you will be sitting at warm stove in complete safety. After all, you will always have something to remember if you have ever vacationed in the company of an Aries. And it doesn’t matter whether he was there or not)
Taurus
Well, for starters, you can’t just rest. Before that, you must definitely work your ass off, present your labor achievements in a detailed form to yourself, colleagues, relatives, the Lord God and in general everyone who comes across), so that the whole world knows - Taurus has earned his rest and has the right to it!
But here the question of preparing for the holiday arises. And even if it’s just a day off, you need to think through the menu, select the appropriate music/cinema/book, finally change the curtains (and at the same time wash the windows, change the linens, wash everything), lift everyone’s spirits (yourself too), then... If you have time and energy left)
With his ceremony, Taurus can drive everyone who is ready to relax with him into a white heat. “It’s better not to put shoes there, there is a special spoon for this dish, be sure to pass the fruit dish to your neighbor, oh, you crumpled the tablecloth, I’ll fix it now,” etc. In general, if you live with a Taurus, sometimes it’s easier to lock yourself in the bathroom to relax. Then you can behave indecently for your own pleasure)
Taurus begins to plan vacations and celebrations ahead of time. After all, you need to take everything into account: think through the menu... (in general, you already understood, I think). But if it comes to vacation at all, then I assure you, it will be the best and highest quality vacation in the entire Zodiac! But sometimes it happens like in that joke about two Estonians: “It’s a good New Year holiday, right?” - “Yes, but sexual intercourse is better” - “Yes, but New Year is more often”)
Twins
In general, if you want to go or travel somewhere, then it is better not to enter into an argument with them, but to delicately drag them by the hand in the direction you need. All the same, it will not be ideal, but Libra will not want to admit that their life is not ideal, and therefore they will try to pass off the real as ideal and honestly be happy about it)
Scorpion
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IN ONE DUTCH WOMEN'S MAGAZINE I STANDED UPON THIS FUNNY HOROSCOPE.
I WANTED TO INTRODUCE YOU WITH THESE IDEAS, BUT IN THE PROCESS OF READING I WAS SURPRISED MYSELF... BUT SO MUCH THINGS COINCIDE...?!
TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF, MAYBE THIS SHOULD BE AMAZING TO YOU?
Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac, the most lively and energetic. Astrology textbooks describe Aries as an engaging, energetic personality, endowed with the charisma of a born leader and revolutionary. He rapidly rushes through life, radiating cheerfulness and optimism.
The truth is that he is an overbearing, self-centered bastard, only interested in himself and with an inflated ego.
In Aries, Mars gives a person courage, determination, energy, passion and ambition, as well as hot temper, selfishness and impulsiveness. A typical Aries flies through life at full steam, challenging anyone who stands in his way. Endowed with fearlessness by nature, he calmly rushes into battle, even with an obviously strong opponent. If you are unlucky and fall under his feet, you will fully experience for yourself what an irritated Aries is: angry, red, he screams and can even stomp his feet, or even throw his fists. Sometimes, suddenly, out of the blue, he can show generosity and, for example, leave his partner empty-handed. Most of all he is afraid of being considered ignoble!
He is hurt by the condescending attitude, he will not forgive this and, on occasion, can take painful revenge. Although by nature he is not so vindictive. 
Aries does not reason in detail, he simply reacts to stimuli, he first acts and then thinks, often in the heat of the moment destroying his own happiness, because he has no time to collect facts and think...
Without an iota of humility, he never admits his mistakes! It is impossible to wait for words of apology from him.
You start arguing with him and a barrage of screams and insults will fall on you; if you prove that you are right, he will be offended like a child and go away to sulk in a corner. Aries is characterized by a complete lack of taste in clothes, they simply have no time to do it, they are more attracted to moving objects... They especially adore cars.
What is characteristic is that they are selfless in love...
CALF. (April 20-May 20) 
Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac. Traditional astrology kindly describes Taurus as reliable, picky eater, thrifty homebody, lover of good food and magic in the kitchen. A born boss and a person capable of ruling the World.
But in real life you will have to deal with a stubborn, edifying, boring curmudgeon with weight problems.
When you hear the word Taurus or bull, people’s imaginations conjure up an image of a large animal peacefully chewing grass, blinking its large shiny eyes with satisfaction. He is even ready to let you scratch him behind the ears... But if you want to pick a couple of leaves in his field, you will get such a storm!
Whichever Taurus you interact with, be it a man or a woman, you will quickly recognize his character. His rage is capable of awakening such a beast in him in an instant that you will instantly regret that bullfighting was abolished in your country!
His eyes fill with anger, he even darkens his face, everyone’s lower jaw protrudes forward at least a little, they subconsciously bow their heads and look at you from under their brows, just like a bull before an attack...
Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus, which gives it insatiability.
Simple approval is never enough for Taurus, property is always small, food is not enough, rest and sex are always not to the fullest... They are emotional, but not intellectual, and from childhood they take advantage of hard work and diligence. They don’t know how to grasp a thought on the fly, but if they learn something, it’s for life. Because of this, many of them do not complete their education, or give up halfway... the craving for pleasure is too great. But if they have already learned, then rest assured, you won’t find a better careerist... They love to sit at all kinds of meetings, sessions, join parties, unions and very quickly become leaders in them... Although everyone will whisper behind his back that he is a scoundrel, a dictator, usurper… 
They are not able to listen to the opinion of another person, so neither logic nor reasonable arguments work on them. If you start arguing with him, you will feel like you are hitting your forehead against the wall, and if it turns out that you are right, he will look at you as if you were an alien. His great sense of style and beauty attracts people to him, but they are often lonely due to difficult character, prone to sexual perversions, such as homosexuality. Both men and women often suffer from an inferiority complex due to weight and therefore sometimes allow themselves harsh behavior, but they just want to eat.
Many Taurus can never give up bad habits, smoking, drugs, alcohol, like to be late... Usually very good parents, but they like to spoil their children.
Gemini is the third sign of the Zodiac. Astrologers unanimously convince us that Geminis are energetic, versatile people, endowed with a lot of talents, charming intellectuals, capable of solving several problems at the same time and very fond of communication.
In fact, being close to Gemini is like getting a job in a madhouse; surprises and various dirty tricks will constantly await you.
They are not smart, but cunning, cunning and resourceful, rather talkers than philosophers. They think fast and strange the main objective in their life it is to become famous and in turn meet all the celebrities around them.
Their element is meetings, cocktails, presentations, where famous audiences gather and talk about high things... Although their knowledge of everything is superficial, they pretend that they understand everything and in every field of art they are the most subtle connoisseurs and specialists. Their patron is Mercury, the fast god who has wings on his sandals! He transports them from one place to another with lightning speed, and the element air is impermanence itself.
It is impossible to convince a Gemini; they are very stubborn, but they pass off their stubbornness as breadth of mind and independence. They do not delve into life, but seem to glide along the surface. A point of view other than their own is always wrong in their eyes, but they know for sure that they are right! 
In marriage, this is the most unfaithful and fickle partner, they are attracted to new people by their freshness and incomprehensibility, they are instantly enchanted, they suffer greatly from unrequited love, but can be consoled in a quarter of an hour by seeing something new on the horizon. They can meticulously ask a person about something, without even delving into the essence of his answers and explanations. They have wonderful feeling taste and style, they know how to dress beautifully and wear jewelry, but they always think that their neighbor landing looks better and starts copying her, because they have two faces, they are constantly in change...
Envy, passion for gossip and intrigue, constant changes in mood and point of view... makes Gemini unreliable partners, they always have enemies, they can especially cause a lot of suffering to Capricorns, Virgos, Taurus and Scorpios... But people fall in love with them and remain faithful to them all their lives , people much more worthy than them... it’s just that these victims fell into the net of their charm. Geminis are always thin, food does not give them such satisfaction as, for example, good music, declaration of love, poetry, walk in the forest.
CANCER. (June 21-July 22) 
Cancer, the fourth sign of the Zodiac, lives in the House of domestic, private life. Compliant astrology describes Cancer as a person who loves solitude, is caring, and is completely devoted to family and friends.
The truth is that Cancers are slippery creatures, prone to manipulating people and, in turn, demanding absolute devotion from loved ones.
All Water signs are sensitive and emotional, but Cancer is simply the champion of emotional instability. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and it changes daily; the mood of Cancer is the ebb and flow of the tides, only accelerated many times over. Polite Cancer can easily be rude, insult, and is very often ready to cheat, but you are unlikely to know about it, he is secretive and deceitful.
Cancer is capable of joking, laughing and getting angry, or being offended and crying at the same time. He loves to retire, attack and immediately complain and whine...
He has several points of view on the same question and all of them, by the way, are correct; he is not at all stubborn, but he is not going to argue with you, he will simply remain silent and do it his own way. 
Sharp and unexpected movements frighten him, they even shudder, they love smoothness and softness, insects and reptiles frighten him.
Cancers don't reason, they get offended...
Weepy.
Forcing Cancer to look at himself objectively is an unrealistic task. In a dispute, Cancer will be the first to be silent, but this does not mean that he has lost, do not extend your hand to him, he can chop it off with his claw. Cancer loves old things, antiques, all Cancers are very religious, and for real. Great intuition makes them a bit of a seer in the eyes of other people, wonderful parents, but dubious partners... Especially Cancer men love to live in two families and have illegitimate children, and those around them often find out about this only after their death. Cancer women are rarely noticeable 
s in society, usually these are quiet mothers of families or mediocre officials, but this does not mean anything, if Cancer gets a job somewhere, he will always find a loophole to illegally increase his salary. They love to work where there is a smell of money.
Leo is the fifth sign of the Zodiac. He lives in the house of creativity and love. Any book on astrology will tell you that Leos are people proud, confident, fun-loving, loyal, generous, elegant. Most likely, these books were written by the astrologer Leo. 
In fact, Leos always crave to be in the center of attention, power fanatics of their own “I”, whose immaturity and selfishness are exceeded only by their desire to control others.
Leo is ruled by the Sun, and just as it is the center of our System, Leo (or Lioness) considers itself the center around which everything should revolve. Of course, they crave obvious worship, but sometimes it is enough for them that you personally consider it the main thing in everything.
Leos are either loud, unceremonious and cheeky, or crafty quiet ones with a sense of self-esteem.
Sometimes he can just pretend to be a humble quiet person for a while, but don’t be deceived, there are no shy and shy Leos in nature. Their constant need for attention often makes them moody, and when they lose touch with their Self, they become selfish tyrants, especially as they age, believing that their whole life is a vale of misery. In fact, they roar and cause suffering to others without the slightest embarrassment. 
Instead of building relationships with people, they torment them with jealousy and reproaches, try to argue with them and you will hear just a roar instead of arguments.
Win an argument with him, he will fall silent, stare at you and go into the shadows, pondering the next attack.
Leos make the most loyal mama's boys. They easily part with their first spouse, although later they often regret it for the rest of their lives.
Lionesses make fanatical mothers who take great pleasure in poisoning the lives of their daughters-in-law.
Virgo is the sixth sign of the Zodiac and lives in the House of Services and Health. Astrologers tactfully portray Virgo as a modest, practical, sweet person, logical, discerning and meticulous. 
However, if you take a closer look, you will find a restless, fussy, petty critic and a hypocrite, prone to endless analysis and subjective assessments.
Virgo is ruled by Mercury, the same planet that rules restless Gemini. However, in Virgo, restless Mercury is trapped in the element of Earth, where he becomes critical and irritable.
Virgos might dream of being as spontaneous as Geminis, but they stand too firmly on the ground.
Virgos get worried about everything.
They heal the sick, save sinners, correct speech errors and dispense unsolicited advice with the gravity of an elementary school teacher.
Virgos are very cautious and absolutely devoid of adventurism. They are so busy improving those around them that they completely ignore their character, which cannot be called pleasant.
Of all the signs, Virgos are the least able to admit their mistakes. Born under the motto, THERE IS NO PERFECTION IN THE WORLD!, they cannot relax and enjoy life. 
All Virgo’s fantasies and dreams have an absolutely practical purpose, Virgo does nothing without benefit for herself, and if she gave you something, it means that the other day she just got a larger piece.
Virgo can get a job in any organization, even Horns and Hooves, and calmly have their own piece of bread with butter and caviar there. Most of all they fear for their health, therefore, no matter what, Virgo will not eat, if necessary, they will calmly lose weight or quit smoking, they do not tell anyone, even themselves, the whole truth.
Always on the sidelines, they know how to pull chestnuts out of the fire with someone else’s hands. Virgo, possessing the gift of persuasion, can convince anyone that a new enterprise is simply necessary; she has long ago calculated the dividends for herself.
They are constant in marriage, because disorder in everything has a depressing effect on Virgo.
Virgo is obsessed with neatness, they are easily recognized by their appearance, they are always neatly dressed and combed. Men often get married very late or even remain single, because Virgo, firstly, is never bored alone, and secondly, Virgo men enjoy doing housework.
This sign, both in the Zodiac and in life, embodies the variability of life and the constancy of change.
Astrologers endow him with the highest harmony, they claim that Libra is always impartial, diplomatic and always strives for peace, that they spend their entire lives looking for truth, beauty and the perfect life partner.
In fact, behind their somewhat cloying smiles, hide those who like to pamper themselves, their Beloved, people who indulge only their own whims in everything, their ears are tuned only to the ringing of coins, and there is no more individuality and greatness in them than in a green leaf.
Libra is ruled by Venus, but it is in Libra that it gives a person an endless thirst for improvement. They definitely need to be the first, they are never satisfied, neither with themselves nor with their partner.
As one of the domineering cardinal signs, Libra views dissent as a personal insult.
They get angry even if you just change the TV to another channel.
According to Libra, the harmony of the world lies in the fact that everyone agrees with them. Libras are very subjective and not judgmental. They recognize one opinion - their own.
If you start arguing with them, they will explode with anger, but they can easily ask you for forgiveness because they are afraid of power. 
All Libras necessarily have at least some kind of inferiority complex. For women it’s either weight, or height, or not-too-smooth skin; for men it’s even worse; even a beautiful wife won’t help him stop being tormented by the fact that someone else might be better...
Libras get married only by calculation; if the calculation turns out to be wrong, they often do not muster the courage to get a divorce and harass their partner with nagging, sometimes destroying him as a person.
At heart they are cowards and a shout is enough for them, but they are offended for life... They are geniuses in love and very often have affairs with married people, because to take someone away from them, what could be more pleasant? You don’t have to ask them for a loan... they won’t give it. When it comes to raising children, they are complete ignoramuses, either pampering or demanding impossible obedience; as a rule, their children grow up indecisive and always look back at their parents, although Libra themselves are always disobedient and rough-necked in childhood. But they are capable of generous and broad gestures, this charms people; they often say about Libra: A wonderful person!
SCORPION(October 23-November 21) 
Scorpio, the eighth sign of the Zodiac, resides in the House of Death, Sex and Other People's Possessions.
Conventional astrology describes Scorpio as a passionate creature, full of secrets, sensual, endowed with the gift of being reborn and rising from the ashes, like a Phoenix.
But a comparison with Dracula rising from the grave is more suitable for him.
These are people possessed by obsessive ideas, very secretive subjects prone to assault, who feed their pride by humiliating others.
Scorpio is ruled by two planets. From Mars, the god of war, conflict and aggression, he is endowed with suspicion, and his outward friendliness is separated from boiling toxic emotions by only a thin layer of skin.
The second planet Pluto, the god of extremes, instills in him an unsurpassed instinct for survival in any situation. Neither an aspen stake, nor holy water - nothing can harm Scorpio; only he himself can hit him. Which is what Scorpio usually does at the end of life.
Scorpio rarely lives out his life happily; usually his unbridled imagination and instinct of ownership push him to make an erroneous fateful decision.
But mind you, not anyone, but only himself, is doing a dirty trick on himself.
His favorite game in life is Bonfire of the Inquisition. If you die, then you are innocent, if you remain alive, then you are guilty.
They deliberately cause harm to loved ones; as a rule, their marriages do not last long, especially the first ones, not very 
There are not many people who can withstand their character. After all, everyone in this world, in his opinion, is not worthy of him, he is the best in everything, the richest, the most successful, they are by nature endowed with longevity, good health and exorbitant narcissism.
Their intuition is so developed that they see people 
through. Very religious. Perhaps the most religious of all signs.
If you leave him with a snort, he will never forgive you. Scorpios are very vindictive, they do not forget anything and never forgive.
They love to be late everywhere and hate it when others are late to them. As a rule, they are very hot-tempered and in the heat of the moment they speak without thinking, they are often pugnacious and never give in. Sometimes they are capable of a broad gesture, but here 
they will demand something in return.
Their motto: All or nothing!
If you get a divorce, then they try in every way to annoy your ex and pay alimony with great reluctance.
Greedy beef and all the money in the world are never enough for them.
Sagittarius is the ninth sign of the Zodiac and resides in the House of philosophy, adventure and long-distance travel.
Traditionally, representatives of this sign are described as sociable, cheerful, honest people having philosophical view on life and events in the world, passionate travelers.
However, the harsh truth is that this is a tactless subject, stomping through life with one foot stuck in a bucket, a loudmouth and a bully, always speaking out of place. 
Sagittarius is ruled by the cheerful joker Jupiter, and he endows his charges with a restless character and extravagance.
Sagittarians never know how to count money and easily part with it, their generosity of soul is sometimes even burdensome, they have a lot of friends around the world, they charm you so much from the first meeting that they immediately remember this person and immediately promote them somewhere.
Becoming a leader or director is a piece of cake for Sagittarius, but he often won’t work, because his job is to travel around, make incendiary speeches and sit on the podium. All Sagittarians, both men and women, firmly believe that they know everything in the world and spend their time educating humanity, which is mired in ignorance.
They don’t know how to act subtly; they need everything to be done right away.
They laugh very loudly or smile cloyingly, but under the mask of a cheerful jester hides suppressed rage, and what a rage!
It is because they have to suppress their anger that many of them are violent criminals.
In general, angry Sagittarians do not even try to curb their feelings. 
They were born in the dark season, when the days are shortest and the nights are longest and their souls are often also twilight, they suffer from attacks of melancholy, they constantly want fiesta.
Their favorite entertainment is the circus, they love it loud music, that’s why there are so many artists, singers, and musicians among them.
Sagittarius women are completely delighted with shiny jewelry, even cheap jewelry. Flaw sunlight makes them lovers of bright clothes. Sagittarians love to quarrel with relatives, both close and distant, and they have frequent conflicts in their families, while they argue, yell, and then can calmly make peace and talk an hour later as if nothing had happened.
They are very emotional, capricious, and fickle.
They cheat easily in marriage. They don’t know how to argue, and if you start to prove your point, your centaur will quickly jump over the fence and run away for fresh clover.
As a rule, Sagittarius women always have many children, not at all because they are good mothers, they are just too lazy 
protect themselves and they make a decision with lightning speed: Oh, let there be another child! Although, having given birth, they immediately try to get the baby to be nursed by someone, they harass their husband, mother, distant relatives and neighbors, they love five-day days, because for them going to work is a vacation, and, instead of running home to the children after work, it may well go listen to a lecture on how to care for orchids, although she doesn’t have any orchids.
Sagittarians are simply born for public assignments: house elder, combatants, fireman, stewardess, conductor of the Moscow-Vladivostok carriage - what could be more pleasant?
Generous astrologers describe this person as a traditionalist, a determined and purposeful person, a very selective person, with good taste and a sense of style.
It would be possible not to try hard with the description, replacing it with one word careerist.
If you are dealing with a Capricorn, then you will definitely suffer from his power, pompousness, these people clutch the Civil Code in one hand and the marriage contract in the other.
Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, and here he endows him with dogmatism and makes him purely business-minded. Capricorn women, if they did not make a career themselves, then brought their weak-willed husbands into the people, and they were not given anything else. 
All Capricorns are born with a manic desire to be first in their herd. Although a fish tail in their sign indicates a moist and emotional nature. They are sensitive and cry often. But their tears are rarely visible, they are not sweetly sentimental like Pisces.
Showing emotions is considered indecent, but they are hot-tempered.
More than anything else, they love to talk about how hard they worked and tried to achieve their position. Although by nature they are generally tongue-tied and listening to them is tiring, they do not have flights of thought and imagination, like Pisces and Gemini, they have everything naked truth. They also have a poor sense of humor. 
Capricorns are very serious and lack spontaneity. Very often, women and men born under this sign marry early, although they themselves do not understand why?
They think very little about love, they are interested in material values, but in their youth it seems to them: It’s time, it’s time to start a family, I’m already an adult
Namely, they think about family, not about love.
At a fairly young age, they achieve material success, and having achieved it, they understand that life is boring. They don’t know how to be happy, so all Capricorns have a very responsible hobby, if not, then only their favorite JOB!
And only this brings him happiness; to all his partner’s lamentations he has an excuse: I’m busy! Money is an end in itself for Capricorn.
In general, these are boring subjects who are usually appreciated when they are suddenly not around. They take great care of their health and are chronic long-livers.
According to the Bible, Jesus was a Capricorn, but by all indications He was, of course, a FISH, a kind pacifist... But Capricorns love to fight to the end, they are very stubborn and persistent.
If you win the argument, it is likely that your phone will ring at night; Capricorn has decided to offer you a counter-argument...
Aquarius is the eleventh sign of the Zodiac, and benevolent astrology describes him as an individualist, self-confident, original and idealistic, who treats all people equally.
To you, he will most likely seem like an obsessive eccentric who begins to tell everyone he meets about his bizarre theories and conclusions.
To bring confusion and disorder is the true purpose of Aquarius. He doesn't even know why he's doing this. 
Since we have officially entered the Age of Aquarius, this only enhances its qualities. He loves rebellion, and in a peaceful, routine life he feels sleepy, often because of this he has the desire to drink or smoke... They are very prone to bad habits.
Aquarius loves to cross the boundaries of morality and break the law.
Aquarius is ruled by two planets - Uranus and Saturn.
Uranus is the planet of sudden changes and revolutions. Saturn is the planet of dogma and suppression. Therefore, Aquarians are not sincere, they create the illusion of change without changing anything, they themselves are terribly afraid of change.
Aquarians are aloof people, not passionate, if you dig deeper, you will notice that they know little, their knowledge is superficial, and in general, they often have nothing to say.
They are all dreaming about the future: when I grow up, when I get married, when I have children, when I save money, when I retire... But life passes them by, because they do not know how to live in the present.
They don’t even wear clothes right away; they usually hang them in the closet for years until they go out of fashion.
They are often very insightful and have a good understanding of people, but their problem is that they can never understand themselves... Marriages with them break up easily, like ninepins... But they are never left alone, they will always find someone to charm, and again they are paired ...
By old age, their weakest organ is the head, often memory loss, and nervous disorders. Therefore, if you get an Aquarius, take care of him, he does not know how to take care of himself.
Pisces is the twelfth and last sign of the Zodiac, which absorbs the wisdom of all other signs. Astrology calls them seers, they seem to have descended to earth along a moonbeam, people prone to introspection, sensitive to the mood and aura of other people. Good pacifists, they feel sorry for everyone, both people and animals... 
Scrape off the gilt and you will find a dreamer overturned by the realities of life, gullible, disorganized, constantly in a state of confusion and completely helpless.
Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the god of illusions, and it is he who endows a person born under this sign with the desire to run away from problems and absolute naivety. They believe everything!
They evaluate every action through the prism of their prejudices, against which any truth is shattered..
This makes Pisces champions among losers, but they endure all adversity easily, for the sole reason that not knowing how to get out of the situation, they resign themselves to it, and the current carries them out on its own. 
They are not fighters, they don’t lay down their weapons, they don’t even know how to pick them up!
This makes them surprisingly resilient, but far from reality.
They have many, many ideas, but the fear of change and unwillingness to take risks keeps them down and often prevents them from developing their potential, which is enormous.
They have a lot of talents and they can do many things better than others, but they are lazy...
Ambition is a trait generally unknown to them; they may well tell their idea, completely free of charge, to a person who will make capital from it.
But Neptune is the god of the sea elements, so Pisces are hot-tempered and hysterical like no other, but after an hour they have already forgotten that they just recently yelled at you, and begin to talk as if nothing had happened, they have a wonderful sense of humor, but sometimes it is cruel satire.
All Pisces speak first and think later.
But they are certainly interesting people, and the taste, style and charm they have often makes you come to terms with and digest their intolerable character. 
They are quick-tempered, but quick-witted, they say about themselves, without noticing that they have a lot of enemies.
Pisces themselves are terribly vindictive and do not forgive insults, reminding everyone of this, including the offenders, many take this for courage, but this is just sentimental whining. After all, Pisces never take revenge.
- Aries (March 21 - April 20): level of craziness - 30%!
If you go to the mountains with someone, then only with Aries. They are avid extreme sports enthusiasts, and they will always give a helping hand to their comrade. Aries clearly follow their path and achieve their goals. Many plans are ripening in their heads, which sometimes seem absolutely crazy. One can only envy their courage and perseverance! - Taurus (April 21 - May 21): level of craziness - 40%!
Stubbornness - main feature this sign. Taurus will drive anyone crazy: it is so important for them to prove that they are right. This makes them a little strange in the eyes of other people. Taurus are comprehensively developed, they have a kind heart and iron willpower.
- Gemini (May 22 - June 21): level of craziness - 100%!
The craziest sign of the zodiac. Geminis are fickle and frivolous, you never know what they have in store for you today. But you will never get bored with them! They have a bunch in stock incredible stories and tales from life. Only Geminis are capable of reaching a completely crazy ending in their adventures.
- Cancer (June 22 - July 22): Crazy level - 90%!
Cancers are famous for their sudden mood swings. They prefer not to leave the house, but if they go to a nightclub, beware. They are the ones who, in a state of intoxication, write crazy messages to their exes. You never know what's on a Cancer's mind, and it drives you crazy!
- Leo (July 23 - August 21): level of madness - 80%!
Representatives of this sign are accustomed to being the center of attention; they love noisy parties and large companies. Leos quickly get drunk, and this loosens their tongue so much that those around them often have to blush. These people have no brakes, they don’t know how to stop in time.
- Virgo (August 22 - September 23): level of madness - 70%!
Virgo works tirelessly on herself, strives for perfection in everything. Control and power are her main passions. These people are capable of doing noble deeds, but they expect recognition for it. Their desire to appear ideal in the eyes of people completely takes over them.
- Libra (September 24 - October 23): level of madness - 30%!
Libras are obsessed with finding balance in everything. Sometimes they are ready to go to extremes, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Libra will do anything to get the object of their affection, even stooping to gossip.
- Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): level of madness - 40%!
The statement that Scorpios sting unbearably is true. Of course, they have no equal in resourcefulness and insight, but this still does not brighten up their shortcomings. Scorpio is the most sensual sign of the zodiac, he is a master of beautiful courtship and romantic gestures. His sexual energy flows over the edge, so few people manage to cope with this raging flow of passion.
- Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22): level of madness - 50%!
Sagittarians proudly carry the banner of justice and truth all their lives. And it’s better not to interfere with this! Nothing can outrage them more than a restriction of personal freedom. In addition, Sagittarians are easily fired up by ideas that sometimes blind their minds.
- Capricorn (December 23 - January 20): level of craziness - 60%!
Capricorns are workaholics! They shoulder the most complex tasks and enthusiastically take on their decision. Capricorns are not averse to showing off their intelligence and professionalism. If they are at the head of any business, you should not expect any concessions.Capricorns stick to their guns, even if they are wrong. This feature extends to personal life: the partner will always be on a tight rein. Their madness lies in the desire to keep everything under control.
- Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): level of craziness - 20%!
Aquarius is like a crazy professor who is used to living in his illusions. It's very easy to fool, and people are used to using it. That is why this zodiac sign often becomes a victim of scammers, and simply those who are looking for easy prey.
- Pisces (February 20 - March 20): level of madness - 10%!
Pisces are the least crazy among the other zodiac signs. They are calm and peaceful, you can always rely on them. Pisces are ready to sacrifice their interests just to brighten up someone's loneliness. These character traits make them the most thoughtful, wise and empathetic.
