What should I do if I was betrayed? If your loved one betrayed you...

Unfortunately, no person can be immune from betrayal, no matter how much he loves and values ​​those who decided to take such a step. For the first time after this, it begins to seem as if someone has pulled the rug out from under your feet and life will never be the same. Indeed, if the traitor was very close to you, then his act cannot but affect you - now, most likely, you will be more suspicious and withdrawn. However, you must understand that one day the pain of betrayal will subside, turning into only an experience from which you can learn some lessons.

What to do when you've been betrayed

Betrayed by a beloved man

First of all, try to recover from this story as soon as possible. Realize that since something like this happened, then this man is clearly not the one sent to you by fate, but a kind of test for you. Don't close yourself off from friends and family and become depressed. By withdrawing into yourself, you are left alone with the betrayal that has occurred, and besides it, there will be almost nothing else in your life for a certain period. Don’t allow this to happen - erase the offender from your life, and fill your time with new hobbies and meetings that will gradually displace this story from the list of important events. This will not be easy to do - you will have neither the desire nor the mood to lead an active lifestyle, but in this case you need to force yourself. Understand that this is the only way you can help yourself get rid of your unpleasant past.

When the traitor is your own husband

Once upon a time this person proposed his hand and heart to you, and you gave your consent, confident that you would go through your entire life path with him, hand in hand. Of course, it is very painful to find out in the end that your beloved has decided to betray you, but in this case you should not act out of hand, especially if children are growing up in your family.

Talk to your husband and try to understand what prompted him to do this. If you see that your spouse sincerely repents, and you understand that, despite everything, you still have feelings for him, then find the strength within yourself to give your family a chance. Devote the evening to talking about why this happened, determine how you can live with it further, and try not to return to this conversation in the future to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the house.

If you understand that you will never be able to forgive, or your husband does not express much regret about his actions, then perhaps you should think about divorce. After all, a good family life, with such options, will probably no longer work out.

Betrayal by your best friend

The betrayal of a friend can sometimes hurt no less than the betrayal of a relative or husband. If your friend is real, then you probably trusted him with your personal secrets, supported him more than once in difficult life situations and consulted on many issues. Now it will be difficult for you to imagine your life without this person, but it is important to realize that if this happens, then the friendship is no longer there, and it’s time for you to go your separate ways.

An exception can only be in the case when a friend or girlfriend was forced to take this step, not of their own free will, or made a ridiculous mistake. In general, you need to give the person a chance to explain themselves, and if you understand that the betrayal could have been avoided, then pause your communication so that everyone can rethink what happened. After months, you yourself will be able to understand whether you want to return your friend to your life.

Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of loved ones?

Each person has his own ideas about betrayal - some believe that it is exclusively about betrayal, while for others it is enough if a loved one takes the opponent’s side in a certain dispute. If you yourself understand that, in general, nothing terrible happened, then you should not torture your loved one - talk to him and come to an agreement. Explain why it is important to you that this does not happen again.

If someone offended you but does not ask for forgiveness, then you need to try to forget about him and understand for yourself that this story is unnecessary in your life, and it is better to devote your time not to thinking about what happened, but to new impressions and other people. It is much more difficult if the person has repented and you would like to improve your relationship with him. Unfortunately, being prepared to forgive does not always guarantee that it will happen. You may want this, but in reality the resentment will not go away, and conflicts will flare up between you again and again. It is worth trying to forgive a person who admits his mistake, but be prepared for the fact that, despite your desire, you still will not be able to turn this page in your thoughts, which is why sooner or later you will have to break off relations with the offender.

Is it possible to forgive cheating with another woman?

Depends on the situation. If there are no children in your family, then the decision will be easier. It is also worth paying attention to factors such as the repentance of the chosen one and whether the other woman was a permanent lover or whether their relationship turned out to be fleeting.

It happens that a man deliberately lives for several months, or even years, in two families, unable to decide who is dearer to him. In this case, it is better to ease the agony of choice and start looking for a life partner for whom you will be the only woman you love.

It’s a completely different case if your lover was seduced or spent the night with another woman after a quarrel with you. Under such circumstances, it is also not easy to forgive a person, but if he sincerely repents of what he did, then you can try to understand him. Most likely, this connection was fleeting and meaningless to the man. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately pretend that nothing happened - ask to be given a few days to think about what happened. After this, tell your lover that you forgive him, but if this happens again, you will not be able to stay together. During the period of your reflection, the man will probably realize how dear you are to him and how much he does not want to lose you, and subsequently will value your relationship more.

Of course, if you understand that even a fleeting affair is too much for you, and you will never come to terms with it, then you will have to end the affair. You will come to the same decision sooner or later if the chosen one does not feel guilty for what happened, and periodically raises reasonable suspicions of new betrayal with his behavior.

If you haven’t been together for too long and haven’t started a family yet, then you should think about whether you want such a person in your life. A guy who decides to betray you is unlikely to value you highly. However, if you see that he is very upset about what happened and considers it a big mistake, then you can try to give him another chance, and nothing more.

Are there children in your family? Then in this situation, you have to think not only about yourself, but also about them. If betrayal by your spouse occurs systematically, again and again making you upset, worry and cry, then, undoubtedly, an unhealthy psychological climate reigns in your family, which is not good for the children. Instead of spending time with your child, you are busy thinking about what is going on in your relationship with your husband. By forgiving the traitor again and again, you do not save the family at all - only its appearance is preserved. By doing this, you undermine your health and spoil your mood, depriving the child of communication with a happy mother.

The situation is completely different if the spouse stumbled once, realized his mistake and does not want to lose you. Talk to your husband, make it clear to the end why this happened, and how you can restore trust. Convey to him that this should not happen again if he wants to be the head of a friendly and happy family. It may be necessary for the two of you to visit a family psychologist if you realize that you cannot cope with what happened on your own. For a person who regrets what he did, his own betrayal, like it for you, is a serious stress. Consider a change of scenery for a while and relieve tension in the family by going on a short trip together or at least spending a weekend in an interesting place.

How to forget a traitor

Try to mentally at least try to forgive him, and realize that only a weak person who still has to grow above himself is willing to betray him. Understand that because of this, he will have to face problems more than once in his life, and be glad that you will no longer be around during that period.

Understand that first of all, now you need to take care of your mental comfort. An extremely unpleasant situation happened to you, which should be considered as an important life lesson. Think about what you can take away from this lesson - now you will become stronger and, perhaps, you will be able to understand people better.

It's not easy to decide to cut someone out of your life, but it's much harder to actually do it. If you have clearly decided that you do not need such a person, and you are worthy of another relationship, then first of all, cut off contacts with the traitor, and do not initiate meetings, conversations or correspondence with him. Do not follow his life through social networks and do not inquire about his affairs through friends - understand that you must completely leave the person in the past. If you have time to find out about the everyday life of the person who betrayed you, then you clearly need to find something more interesting and much more productive for you to do.

First, set a period (for example, a month) during which you will not show interest in the life of the person you want to forget, and also will not respond to his attempts to get in touch. At this time, it will be very difficult to follow your decision, but you will make your task much easier if you find a new hobby or go on a trip to another country or city. Understand that the sooner this painful connection is broken, the sooner something new and good can enter your life.

Psychologist's advice: What to do if betrayed and how to live after

Step 2. Do not try to analyze what you personally could have done to prevent the betrayal from happening. You are not responsible for such a step by another person - it was he who decided to do this and, most likely, he had another choice.

Step 3. It’s not easy to force yourself not to think about what really worries you, but you can do it differently - consciously switch your attention to something else. It could be about travel. Just don’t choose a tour during which you will lie on the beach all day - opt for a more varied pastime. However, if a beach holiday is ideal for you, then perhaps it can become therapy for you. If your vacation is still far away, then think about what could distract you right now. Why not sign up for a group fitness class, pool, yoga, art class, or some form of dance today? Try yourself in some new direction, spend time beneficial for your body and mood.

Step 4 Unfortunately, betrayal often brings not only emotional distress, but also a serious blow to self-esteem. Over time, you may decide that, in general, you deserve this outcome of events, and are not worthy of anything good at all. Get rid of this assumption. The person betrayed you not because you are not perfect in some way, but because he himself was unable to find a more worthy way out of the situation - he did not have enough decency or willpower for this. You should only regret that you were forced to come into contact with someone else's weakness, and help yourself recover from this situation. Pamper yourself with small and large pleasant purchases, meet friends, be open to new hobbies and acquaintances.

Treacherous people pretend to be your best friends just to hang around you. However, as soon as you turn your back, they betray you by spreading lies and gossip about you. Whatever the reasons for such behavior, it is important to be able to protect yourself from them. If this situation continues for a long time, then you should find a way to stop its influence on your life. Thus, you need to either establish a relationship with the traitor or throw him out of your life.

Steps

Part 1

Check and double-check the information before you take action. People have a tendency to exaggerate when they spread rumors, and you may be overreacting to something that didn't actually happen. If your fears are justified, act.

Keep gossip to a minimum on your part. Don't spread rumors in the company of strangers. You may be tempted to be helpful and start sharing gossip you've heard about your teacher or boss, but who knows who others might pass on your words to. If you cannot refrain from gossiping or complaining about someone, do so only in the company of people who do not know the person you are talking about.

• You can listen to gossip and rumors from other people, as long as you do not take part in them yourself. If you can’t stop gossiping, then at least try to listen more and talk less.

1. Build good relationships with the people around you. Be friendly and kind, even with strangers. This way, if someone starts spreading gossip about you, others will be less likely to side with them.

   • Treat everyone at work with respect, not just your immediate colleagues and management. If you only care about these relationships, you may inadvertently offend the secretary, intern, or lower-ranking colleague who reminds you of this.

2. Learn to recognize the signs of hypocrisy and betrayal early on. The more time a traitor spends spreading lies about you and harming you, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage done. If you spot signs of treachery early, you can fend off attacks before they gain momentum. Please be aware of the following warning signs:

   • You hear rumors about things you didn't do or say.
   • You said something to someone personally, and now everyone knows about it.
   • People have stopped sharing information with you, assigning work tasks, or inviting you to events that they used to invite you to.
   • People start treating you coldly or unfriendly for reasons you don't understand.

3. Remember that not all annoying behavior is a sign of betrayal. Make sure you don't make mountains out of molehills when you accuse a person of being a hypocrite. Unflattering behavior, such as systematic tardiness, negligence or narcissism, is typical of thoughtless people and is not necessarily a sign of betrayal. Misdeeds such as canceling a meeting at the last minute or neglecting your phone call are also not signs of hypocrisy.

   Start keeping notes about events that happen. As soon as you begin to suspect someone of treason, get into the habit of writing down all suspicious incidents. Write down everything that happened and why you think the person wanted to hurt you on purpose. This will make it easier for you to evaluate what is happening and figure out in which case an unpleasant event is part of the general attitude towards you, and in which case it is a simple misunderstanding.

   Try to recognize a traitor. When you see signs of targeted harm, take a closer look at people's behavior to narrow down the suspects. Carefully observe the behavior of possible traitors before drawing any conclusions. Rudeness towards you may just be the result of a bad day. Here are a few behaviors to watch out for:

   • Discuss with someone you trust and ask to keep the conversation confidential.
   • If you suspect someone in particular, talk to someone who knows him but is not his friend. If there is no reliable person in your sight who fits this description, discuss it with someone who does not know him - describe the behavior of this person, not your opinion about him.

4. Don't become a hypocrite and a traitor yourself. You may be tempted to take revenge on this person with his own weapon. Don't let yourself be pulled into something like this. This will most likely make the situation worse, ruin your mood, and become even more emotionally immersed in what is happening. Moreover, it will damage your reputation even if you deal with the traitor (which is unlikely).

   Part 2

   Dealing with a traitorous friend

   1. Calm down. Sometimes people just do nasty things, but in reality it results in betrayal. Anger and irritation will not improve the situation. It is in your best interest (short and long term) to remain calm and focus on the practical side of things. There is no need to ignore the situation. Just try to do your usual activities.

      Appeal to the traitor's positive personality traits. Treating a traitor with kindness is probably the last thing you want to do, but if you calm down a little and sincerely try to understand his position, you can really improve the situation. Most passive-aggressive people, which includes traitors, think that they have to resort to sneaky and hurtful methods because they are not appreciated.

      • Invite the traitor to some event. Do something fun and distracting that will make the traitor feel good about you again.

   2. Challenge the hypocrite to a direct dialogue. Contact him personally, write a message or send an email if a face-to-face conversation is not possible. Make it clear in a polite manner that you want to discuss recent events. Make sure the conversation stays between you.

      Describe the situation honestly. Don't threaten. Talk about incidents that hurt you and how they affected you. Ask the person to confirm facts (for example, a message or letter they sent, etc.).

      Listen to your interlocutor. Chances are your friend doesn't want to be mad at you for the rest of his life. Give him the opportunity to get his point across without interrupting or getting angry. There is always the possibility that you were wrong and that the situation is much more complicated than you thought.

      Ask for forgiveness for everything you did wrong. Even if it seems to you that your friend is more to blame, look at the situation through his eyes. Apologize if you misunderstood and accidentally offended him, even if you were partially at fault.

      Forgive your friend when you feel ready. If you want to rebuild your friendship, you need to forgive each other for the mistakes you've made. Even if the relationship can no longer be repaired, forgiveness will help you move on and stop worrying about the betrayal.

      Talk about your friendship and current problems. Be frank and open. If something goes wrong, discuss it one-on-one. If one of you is upset about specific actions or repeated behavior of the other, talk about it. Let your friend know how you feel.

   3. Be prepared for change. After you have discussed your problems, you need to prepare yourself to make changes that will help restore trust between you. Perhaps you need to find new joint activities to spend more time together if your friend's usual pastime does not suit your friend. If a friend tells you that your words hurt him, remember this and try to avoid nicknames, intonations and habits that hurt him.

      • Mistakes are inevitable, especially if you are trying to break old habits. Apologize if you made a mistake; forgive your friend if he made a mistake.

   4. If your attempts fail, end the friendship. Sometimes trust cannot be restored and betrayal ends the friendship. If you've done everything in your power and it doesn't work, you need to find a way to move on.

      • By this point, you have most likely already had a conversation about friendship and betrayal. If your friend has not expressed a desire to correct the situation, simply stop communicating with him.
      • If you both have already made attempts to restore friendship, but have not been successful, then calmly discuss the current situation and stop communicating.
      • Sometimes ending a friendship comes naturally. You need to invite your friend to events less and less often, and periodically do not answer his calls. Ignoring them completely may hurt the person, but gradually moving away will lead to a breakup, making the process less painful.

Question for psychologists

I am 35 years old, my husband and I have been divorced for 3 years, but we live together, since we have a 9-year-old child and my husband said that he has no one else (women) and he does not need love in life (including me). Now I am 8 months pregnant with my ex-husband (not planned) and recently I found out that he has love for another woman (constant text messages, comes home late, said that when the child is born he will go to live separately). I was betrayed for the second time, I cannot maintain the calm that is so necessary in my position. Seeing this relationship, the child begins to have breakdowns, so he has to be given sedatives. I don’t even want to live, I want to bury myself somewhere deeper so that no one will find it... When the child’s dad is better at home, he is happier, but what should I do? I love him, I want affection, tenderness, kisses, but this is not there and there is no hope that there will be either.

Hello, Olga! The situation is really quite difficult psychologically both for you (in your condition) and for the child! However, you yourself understand that your husband cannot give you that care and family happiness, and moreover, knowing that he will not be with you, he really betrayed you, deliberately leaving you with two children in your arms. All this does not indicate his seriousness and responsibility both to you and to the children! However, you yourself should accept the fact that he will not be with you, so as not to torment yourself and wait until he returns (and thereby not be in a state of tension, which affects both children)! If you need help and support, you can contact me - to work through the moment of dependence with your husband and free your emotions and feelings, accept them and set new goals! Also now it is worth paying attention to the child (older) - for him it will be really stressful and also a betrayal (he also needs help in realizing this fact and, to the extent possible, accepting it) - after all, the child also needs to understand exactly what feelings he is experiencing, and understand why this happens in families - also if it is difficult for a child to understand and accept all this, you can also treat the child (work through his emotions, attitude towards his father and men in general, and also his attitude towards you - in the sense that you too I need his help, just as you need his). Contact me, I will be glad to help you!

Olya, now it’s certainly very difficult for you and you don’t want to live and bury yourself somewhere deeper so that no one will find you. But, you remember the story: what was usually done with traitors? Your husband has a slightly different picture of the world than you and different values. It hurts, but you have to understand and accept that it’s better without a traitor than with him. After all, he will betray again. This is his credo. We must try to cope with emotions. Without a specialist it will be difficult; the situation is actually very difficult. Don't delay, help yourself. After all, you are unique, beautiful, smart. You are the only one, there will never be another like you, remember this! Who is he? Traitor and that's it!

Olga, the situation is not pleasant... But! It is important to look at it realistically: You have been divorced for 3 (three!) years. Living in the same territory does not mean that you are husband and wife, relationships as sexual partners - yes, there is/was an unconscious (or?) desire to “attach” your ex-husband with a child (a mistake of many women, alas). If a man is divorced, then he is free to choose a new life partner, why accuse him of betrayal? There was sex between you mutual desire and distribute responsibility for what happened equally. You had the right to refuse. Or agree. Everyone makes a choice.

I would pay attention to the words “I don’t want to live, I want to bury myself somewhere deeper so that no one will find” - this indicates some problems that are not related to this story with my husband, maybe it’s about your birth, about death in family, about betrayals in family history, about difficult births...

2. What is happening to your child. You write that he started having breakdowns. It’s a pity that you don’t write in more detail: how they manifest themselves, have you tried talking to your child, explaining what’s happening. Or, given the fact that you do not have enough resources for self-support, it is even more difficult for you to support your child. What is your relationship with your child? From your letter it seems that he gravitates more towards dad. Or do you perceive their communication so keenly, which you and your ex-husband do not have? Perhaps all these difficulties have alienated you and your child from each other. If this is the case, it is important not to let the situation get worse, but to start rapprochement as early as possible. After all, with the birth of a baby, the situation may worsen even more in the sense that the older child will receive even less attention. And it is not known how he will cope with this.

I am glad to be of assistance to you in resolving your difficulties.

Sincerely, Anastasia Umanskaya.

Paulo Coelho

Have you ever been betrayed, dear readers? I'm sure they betrayed me. That's why you showed interest in this article, isn't it? And now you want to find out how you can live further, with the pain in your soul that you experience and which does not give you peace. However, it is quite possible that you yourself betrayed someone, and because of this you now have a heavy burden on your soul that you want to get rid of. You want to know what it’s like to be betrayed, you want to understand how the person who was betrayed feels, how severe his pain is. And you will definitely find out about this, because in this article I am going to tell you everything I know about betrayal. And believe me, I know a lot about him. Betrayal is something that I have repeatedly encountered in my life, not only as a specialist, but also as a person who was cruelly betrayed several times. Therefore, I will share with you not only my knowledge about betrayal, but also my feelings. Unfortunately, betrayal is an integral part of our lives. People have betrayed, are betraying and, apparently, will continue to betray each other. And if so, then it is absolutely obvious that you need to be able to live with betrayal, regardless of whether you were betrayed or betrayed by you. Betrayal should be treated with understanding so that it does not poison the soul and poison life. Let's find out, friends, what betrayal is and see how you can live with it.

For some people who have experienced the pain of betrayal in their own skin, it is very difficult to understand why people even betray each other, why they treat others in ways they would not want to be treated. On the other hand, those people who themselves betrayed someone sometimes look for an excuse for their treacherous act, and, as a rule, find it. It is possible to understand, and I believe that it is necessary, both of them. After all, we are all human, which means we are all not without sin. But in order to understand another person, even a devotee, even a betrayer, you need to try to see yourself in him. I tried to cover the topic of betrayal in as much detail as possible, given its importance, and I am confident that I managed to do this. So you will definitely benefit from reading this material, you can be sure of it. I want to tell you, friends, that I have had the opportunity to work both with those people who were betrayed, sometimes very cruelly, and with those who themselves once betrayed someone. And in most cases, both suffer from betrayal. After all, deep down in our souls, we all understand that some actions, regardless of our attitude towards them, are not entirely, let’s say, necessary in this life, that they do more harm than good. Just think how many problems we could have avoided if we had thought about the consequences of our actions. After all, traitors do not always benefit from their treacherous actions; on the contrary, they often suffer from them themselves, because the consequences of these actions can be terrible for everyone. And if these traitors had been a little more prudent, they would not have betrayed other people, especially those close to and devoted to them. After all, by betraying others, we often betray ourselves!

Betrayal can lead to a lot of negative consequences, which then not always and not everyone can cope with. Therefore, I believe that when someone betrays someone, he commits great evil. I have seen this evil, I have worked with this evil, I have pulled devoted people out of the worst states they were in because of the pain they were experiencing. People suffer very, very much when they are betrayed, maybe not all, but many, that’s for sure. Therefore, my attitude towards betrayal is extremely negative. Well, what can I say, some devoted people even age for several years due to the stress they have experienced, while the traitor himself is often forced to live with a sense of guilt for the rest of his life. So, friends, by betraying other people, we can take away several years of their life, and for what, for what benefits, for what benefit? I don’t think that shitting on someone else’s soul is too profitable an activity; in any case, I have not met in my life happy traitors who built great happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Well, let's look at this issue in more detail.

What is betrayal?

Many of us know well about what severe pain, what incredible suffering and what damage someone’s betrayal can cause to a person, or, in any case, they guess. This is especially well known to those who have already been betrayed at least once in this life. But not many people know what betrayal is. Our experiences and our pain do not give us answers to simple and natural questions: “why?”, “for what?” and for what?" have we been betrayed? Do you know what's most interesting? Traitors often don’t know this themselves!

Betrayal is a violation of loyalty to someone or failure to fulfill a duty to someone. The moral laws of society condemn betrayal and traitors, just like most religions, they consider treacherous acts to be a sin, a violation of taboos. Traitors really do great evil when they betray someone, because with their treacherous actions they destroy the moral foundations on which our society is built. They destroy such a phenomenon as people's trust in each other. After all, in any society, we adhere to certain rules and norms for a reason, not because we just want to follow some rules that limit us in our actions, but so that this very society exists. If we do not follow certain rules, the entire order in our society will be disrupted and all-destructive chaos will ensue. Honesty and loyalty are the laws of maintaining order in society, and when a traitor violates these laws, he violates it, society, stability and stability. Traitors kill trust, not only in themselves, but also in everyone else. Having been betrayed once, we begin to see the catch in everything, we are already afraid to trust someone fully and reveal our soul to someone, our life becomes more closed, people in our society become more closed, more alien and hostile to each other. This is the evil that traitors commit, this is how much they harm our society. They, in fact, destroy it, thereby harming themselves.

You can betray in different ways, you can simply deceive a person, you know, in small things, for example, by shortchanging him in a store, and thus violating his trust in himself. Or you can completely trample a person’s soul, completely destroying his inner world, through, for example, the same betrayal. Be that as it may, both big and small betrayal is a stab in the back, a blow below the belt, this is without a doubt a vile and very cruel act, by deciding on which, the traitor crosses the line beyond which his human qualities slowly but surely degrade . We all know what the betrayal of Judas led to, and apparently, humanity will never change in this sense for the better; people betrayed each other, to their own detriment, and will continue to betray each other. So, you and I can consider the following actions to be betrayal:

• Adultery.
• Leaving a boyfriend/girlfriend in trouble.
• Treason.
• Parents abandoning their children.
• Apostasy (religious apostasy).

The meaning of all the above actions comes down to the fact that they all, one way or another, cause harm to someone or something. As a matter of fact, the word “betray” itself, according to dictionaries, means “violation of fidelity to someone or something, and this word also means to leave or betray someone.” That is, this phenomenon is associated with destruction. We destroy the outer world when we betray someone or something, and we destroy the inner world of the person we betray. Traitors undoubtedly worsen our lives and ruin the beauty of this world. But on the other hand, they make the people they betray stronger and smarter, but more on that later.

What we experience most painfully is the betrayal of loved ones, from whom we simply do not expect a stab in the back. And how can we expect it from them, because the people we love are the people we are used to trusting. These are people whom we trust unconditionally and for whom we are ready to do anything. These are people with a capital “P” for us. And we, of course, expect a similar attitude towards ourselves from them. We want to be reciprocated, we want to be confident in the reliability of those people who we ourselves are not indifferent to and whom we ourselves do not even plan to betray. But this is precisely the danger for us, it lies in the fact that we do not allow the possibility of betrayal by those close and loved by us. We ourselves leave our rear unprotected, and this cannot be done under any circumstances, no matter how much we would like to believe some people and not see them as a threat.

The cruelty with which our loved ones betray us is, of course, amazing. However, for some soulless people, treacherous acts are the norm, not savagery, and we must understand this in order to be prepared for such a scenario in our lives. After all, each of us can be betrayed at any moment. And it is our unpreparedness for betrayal that betrays us in the first place. Let’s say that for a decent, honest wife, the betrayal of her husband can be a real shock, because for her part she did everything for the family, for the house, for the children, if any, and of course for her husband, and then such a blow, such cruelty. And it seems that we all know that the more good you do to people, the more cruelly they can treat us later, not all of them, of course, a reasonable person will never spit on the soul that is open to him, but many people will do this, they will really betray someone who was kind to them. Do you know why? Because most people are unreasonable. They are driven by their own, including predatory, instincts, and not by common sense. This is why it is difficult to trust people. And yet, we do this good, we do it to those in whom we believe, whom we love, whom we hope for. We want to believe that the people around us are reasonable, we know very well that more than ninety percent of people are unreasonable, but we want the remaining percent to surround us, we believe in this because we want to believe. However, the traitors in us are killing this faith.

So the hardest and most cruel betrayal is betrayal in love, when the selfishness of one person kills the brightest, purest and most sincere feelings of another person. If you have been betrayed by a loved one, you know how painful it is, how difficult it is, how terrible it is. After such a betrayal, a person finds himself deeply knocked out, the world around him turns black, there is confusion in the head, heaviness in the soul, and an unbearable stabbing pain in the heart, from which you don’t know where to escape. Many have gone through this difficult test in their lives, and others have yet to go through it, because traitors have always been, are, and apparently will be among us. And therefore someone will always suffer from their callousness, cruelty and callousness. Unfortunately, and in my opinion, and fortunately, love and betrayal will always be inextricably linked with each other. Unfortunately, because someone will suffer from this, but fortunately, because being devoted, we become wiser, we become stronger, we no longer live in the illusions in which we lived before.

Thus, when traitors betray us, they inoculate us against weakness, and if we continue to live, and thank God, this is exactly what happens in most cases, then we become much stronger, smarter, wiser, and more protected from external aggression from traitors . If a young guy has experienced the betrayal of his girlfriend, he will no longer be the same; his views on the world, on people, and in particular on women, will change greatly. He won’t necessarily hate all women, he shouldn’t do that, he’ll just be much smarter from now on and won’t let just anyone into his heart. It’s the same with a girl, a woman who has been betrayed by a man; if she turns out to be smart and understands the lesson taught to her, she will no longer allow any random male who thinks only about sex to approach her. And even more so, she will not allow some “Don Juan” to settle in her heart and then break it. Life makes us wiser if we draw conclusions from the pain we have experienced, and traitors are our teachers, they teach us not to trust people. It is difficult, of course, to live without trust in people, and in principle it is impossible to do this; we have to trust someone. But we can be more prudent and more careful by trusting people, right? So in this sense, the betrayal of a loved one is even useful and necessary for us, and at least once in our lives, we need to go through this test in order to become wise.

We are betrayed not only by loved ones, but also by friends, who usually reflect ourselves to us, because as they say - tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are. Therefore, you need to choose your friends very carefully and not be friends with just anyone, because your friend or girlfriend may turn out to be a well-disguised enemy. The betrayal of friends is easier to survive; although it unsettles us, although it causes great damage to our inner world, it still does not completely devastate our soul, as is the case with devoted love. Traitor friends, after their betrayal of us, leave us with something, they leave us with faith in ourselves, depriving us of hope in them - in our friends and in people in general. In this world, a person must rely, first of all, on himself; all the other people who surround him can betray him at any moment, and sometimes very cruelly. But to understand this, some of us need to experience it. And when friends betray us, they confirm this truth with their, albeit vile, but very instructive act for us. Therefore, dear readers, try not to let your friends get too close to you. After all, if the betrayal of a friend or the betrayal of a friend came as a surprise to you, it means that you simply did not notice how you yourself exposed your back to the blow for your friends, which they, due to the callousness and insignificance of their sinful souls, finally decided to take.

Having experienced the betrayal of people close to you, you will understand that it does not matter what kind of person we are talking about, it does not matter who he is to you, because if this person is not reasonable, you can expect anything from him at any time. I have dealt many times with people who were betrayed by their own parents, children, wives and husbands, best friends and girlfriends, other very close and seemingly reliable people, from whom the last thing to be expected to do a treacherous act. But many, nevertheless, decide to take this action, regardless of any moral barriers. It's all about the weakness of people. Think for yourself, what kind of phenomenon is this - betrayal of people, why does it take place in our lives? Isn’t this a manifestation of weakness, not just her, of course, but also her? It’s easy to betray someone; you must admit, it’s much easier than not to betray someone. All that is needed for this is simply to renounce all our obligations to a person or people, to renounce everything spiritual and rational that is in us, to throw off all humanity, all responsibility, to renounce willpower and succumb to the influence of our primitive animals instincts.

The topic of betrayal itself will always be relevant. That's how long people live on this planet, that's how long they betray each other. Treason has always been, is, and will be a part of our life, no matter how conventionally civilized and developed this life may be. Because, for now, in any case, we cannot educate and train people according to one standard common to all of us, so that the behavior of each person, without exception, meets both the interests of society as a whole and the interests of each of us in particular. And people themselves, for the most part, are still, unfortunately, too weak and unreasonable to give an account of all their actions and bear full responsibility for all the actions they commit. The logic of most people is very simple - your own shirt is closer to the body. Therefore, if it is beneficial for a person to betray someone, for the sake of his own skin, he will betray.

And it doesn’t matter that none of us can survive in this world alone, and it doesn’t matter that one bad deed can give rise to a whole series of the same bad actions that will make life in society very difficult and dangerous for most people. Not everyone is able to understand these simple truths and not everyone wants to understand them. After all, understanding these truths is a responsibility that must be borne. And she is so heavy. As long as people feel good, they do as they want, but when they feel bad, they begin to do as they should. Well, now we’ll talk about why people generally betray each other. Read about it below.

Why do people betray each other?

Throughout its history, humanity has experienced quite a lot of suffering, which, ideally, should have become useful lessons for each of us; after all, we need to learn from the mistakes of others, and not from our own! History teaches us how to act and how not to, and it explains to us with its examples why we cannot act in a certain way. But, alas, none of the mistakes of our ancestors and the suffering they caused taught humanity as a whole to reason; it made these mistakes and continues to make them. And it turns out that many of our ancestors suffered in vain, because we are again stepping on the same rake that they stepped on. People have repeatedly been convinced that betrayal greatly harms any orderly society, that it is evil, it is a sin, and this is obvious. Otherwise, any normal society would not condemn this phenomenon. And almost everyone condemns him. And yet, people continue to betray each other, they do evil without thinking about the consequences, and they, these consequences, always come.

Well, in this case, let's try to figure out why people betray each other, why they commit treacherous acts that can harm, including themselves. There are several reasons that force people to commit this terrible, insidious, treacherous and disgusting act - betrayal.

1. Selfishness. Being a terrible egoist, a person can betray anyone at any moment. Moreover, note that we are far from talking about healthy egoism, in which people always calculate the consequences of their decisions, we are talking about stupid, reckless, irresponsible childish egoism, in which a person in his decisions proceeds exclusively from immediate and often dubious benefits.

2. Weakness. As I wrote above, people who are weak in every sense of the word are prone to betrayal. Lack of willpower, weak character, low level of intellectual development, spiritual and moral poverty, because of all this, a person can easily decide to betray in order to solve some of his problems and/or fulfill some of his desires at the expense of other people. Weak people look for easy solutions to complex problems, so betraying them is easier than not betraying them.

3. Unawareness. When a person does not understand what, why and why he is doing, he can do such things that he himself will not be happy about them later. Acting unconsciously, a person acts as if in a dream, he does not understand anything, does not control anything, his behavior is primitive, spontaneous, chaotic, and often does not correspond to common sense at all. It is clear that an unconscious person can easily betray anyone at any moment, even those closest and dearest to him, simply by simply reacting in a primitive way to some situation conducive to betrayal. And what’s interesting is that an unconscious person often doesn’t even understand the horror of his treacherous act.

Let us now, dear readers, consider in more detail the above reasons that push people onto the path of betrayal. There are, of course, other reasons why people betray each other, but these are the reasons that I indicated above - they are friends, the main ones.

Selfishness

Some people, in order to obtain their own benefit, even the most insignificant, are ready to do anything, they stop at nothing when they strive to satisfy their desires, and therefore they can betray anyone, even the people closest to them, for the sake of themselves and their interests. Egoists, it should be noted, are very unpleasant people, and usually normal people are not comfortable with them. We can meet egoists, and therefore potential traitors, everywhere, but first, it would be better to pay attention to ourselves. Remember how often have you personally neglected the interests of other people for your own benefit? You need to get something, you want something, and you do everything to fulfill your desire, without thinking at all about how it can affect the people around you. You don’t think about those people who, perhaps, your actions aimed at satisfying your desires could somehow harm, cause discomfort, cause inconvenience or even pain, because the main thing for you is your own interests, and other people come before them You have absolutely nothing to do with it. Has this ever happened to you in your life? Now, if you had something like this in your life, specifically with you, then you probably found an excuse for your selfish actions, and you were probably inclined to betray someone, at least in your thoughts, in order to get something for yourself or to avoid something, for example, some problems. So, other people do the same, selfish people, of course. And okay, if these problems, for the sake of which we betray someone, were serious, when it comes to life and death, and when the traitor has to choose - either he or someone else who can be betrayed must suffer. But no, egoists betray without any special, urgent need for them to do this, but only because of their whim or because of their immeasurable desires.

So some people have always betrayed, are betraying and will betray each other. And they will do this not only in difficult, hopeless situations, when it comes to their life, which, of course, is worth fighting for, and when their betrayal can still somehow be justified. They will do this whenever they see fit. People can also become traitors because of various minor little things, they can become traitors in situations that are completely harmless to them, for the sake of insignificant and often very dubious benefits. These are “small”, one might even say that they are pathetic people, and sometimes complete insignificances, incapable of anything good or great, but only capable of harming other people. These are selfish people, not the most pleasant creatures in this world. We need to be very careful with such people, and not let them get too close to us, so as not to complain about their insignificance and wretchedness when they cynically betray us at the first opportunity. Therefore, take a close look at the people who surround you and with whom you intend to do business. If you see that they are terrible egoists, that their childish selfishness is right out of their ears, if they are capricious, arrogant, greedy, think only about themselves and spit on other people, even the people closest to them - in no way In case, don't trust these selfish people. You can’t trust anyone in this life, completely, but you can’t trust egoists even more, it’s comparable to suicide, or masochism.

Moreover, speaking about selfishness as a phenomenon that pushes people to betrayal, I am talking about unhealthy, childish egoism, and not about selfishness in general, which is characteristic of all healthy people. It’s just that people with healthy egoism understand how their personal interests are intertwined with the interests of other people, they understand that for a normal life, everyone, or at least most people, should live more or less well. Healthy egoists are much more reasonable, more prudent, more social and friendly in their lives than unreasonable egoists. They know that by thinking only about themselves, they will thereby alienate other people on whom they could count, if necessary, with whom they could build mutually beneficial relationships. Healthy egoists are smart egoists, and unhealthy egoists are children for whom treacherous actions are not only something immoral, but also harmful. So, in reality, we are all selfish, and this is normal, another matter is how healthy our egoism is, and as a result, how responsible we are for ourselves and our actions. If we are talking about an intelligent person who knows how to competently defend his personal interests, without significantly infringing on the interests of other people, then one can, if not completely, but to a significant extent, be confident in such a person, and such a person, if he betrays, then in the very as a last resort. But it is better to stay away from stupid egoists who, like children, think only about themselves, or, in any case, do not trust them.

And here’s what else is important to know about betrayal generated by selfishness. All people, to one degree or another, strive for pleasure, and each person, to the best of his ability and depending on the level of his intellectual development, receives pleasure from different things, different activities, and in different quantities. A normal person strives to derive pleasure from things and actions that improve his life, but a stupid person will gain pleasure by causing harm to himself, for example, by harming his health. Well, you understand, tobacco, alcohol, drugs, irresponsible sex with bad consequences, all this is pleasure for stupid, and, as a rule, poor people. In addition, an intelligent person knows in pleasures, as well as in his desires, the measure, adhering to which, he does not allow these pleasures to harm him and his life. And also, he does not allow his pleasures to harm those around him, the people dear to him. But a stupid person is ready to put everything on the altar of pleasure, and is ready to receive pleasure endlessly, until everything around him, including himself, is destroyed. As you probably already guessed, I’m telling you about those egoists who, for the sake of pleasure, are ready to betray anyone and anything. And the more selfish a person is by nature, the more importance he attaches to all kinds of pleasures, for which many selfish people live. Therefore, with those who passionately want to do very well for themselves, you need to keep your eyes open so that, for the sake of their own good, they do not do bad to you.

Weakness

Very often people betray each other because of their weakness. And first of all, we are talking about their spiritual weakness, because of which people simply cannot, and often do not want, to live up to the image of an honest, decent, responsible, strong person who can be relied upon and trusted. Being strong is not easy, but being a weakling, being a scum, a traitor is easy. Weak people, who are also often lazy and at the same time cowardly, are accustomed to looking for simple solutions to complex problems, and therefore, when it is easier for them to betray than to do something differently, they, not wanting to strain themselves, betray. A weak person will always find an excuse for his betrayal; he will say that he could not have acted differently. For example, he could not help but leave his young wife and child because he was not ready to become a father. A mother who abandoned her child can say that she was forced to do this because the circumstances in her life developed in such a way that it was more correct not even for herself, but for her child, if she left him. In general, you have probably met people in your life who always find justification for their disgusting actions, which they might not have committed if they had fortitude and willpower, but did, in the absence of them. So when a person is, first of all, morally, spiritually and intellectually weak, and secondly, physically weak, he can betray anyone, and in practically any emergency, or even simply stressful situation. And then he can justify himself and his action, in his own eyes, citing the necessity of this action, its obligatory nature. They say that, due to the prevailing circumstances, he had no choice but to betray someone. Of course, the man could not do otherwise, what else could he do, he did what he had to do - he betrayed. That's all the excuses. In life, often, such “weaklings” later pay for their treacherous actions, because any weakness in this world, in any case, is punishable. These are the laws of life. There is no place for weak people in it.

Weak people are very cowardly, which is natural for them, and we all shouldn’t forget about this either. Morally, spiritually and intellectually weak people are afraid of many things in this life, and often fear forces them to betray even those people whose betrayal they are not at all interested in. Fear, unconscious, animal fear, first of all, creates panic, hysteria, chaos in the head, because of which people slide into their animal state and begin to act exclusively instinctively, without any share of common sense. You understand that it is not difficult to betray in such a state, it is difficult not to betray, if not impossible. This is why people betray, they act solely on the basis of the momentary situation, without taking into account the consequences that their unconscious actions can lead to, because they are not aware of their actions. Thus, if you see that a person is a coward, be prepared for the fact that he may betray you, because he may do so.

Unawareness

Lack of awareness, friends, is another, quite large, but nevertheless a natural flaw for most people, which forces them to betray each other. An unconscious person is an egoist, a weakling, a scoundrel, and in general, he is an unreasonable person, the meaning of whose actions is often incomprehensible even to himself. So he commits such actions, the full meaning of which he is simply unable to understand. After all, it is not always the case that a person who betrays someone benefits from his act, especially if we take into account long-term perspectives, when after spitting in a well, we return to it after some time to get drunk. And in general, if we talk about the weakness and selfishness of a person, then these qualities of his are directly related to his unreasonableness, and a person’s unreasonableness is related to his lack of awareness. If a person does not realize what and why he is doing, if he does not take into account the possible consequences of his actions, both for himself and for other people, if his actions harm, including himself, then such a person simply cannot be called reasonable. How does such a person differ from, say, a cat? Nothing. It just has more functions, and it’s structure is more complicated than a cat, but there’s no difference. Well, what do we want from an unreasonable person who does not realize what and why he is doing? Is it not high spiritual and moral qualities? Come on, primitive creatures, which some people belong to, to their and our regret, are simply not capable of something high and worthy, for which a person can be called a human. For them, their primitive animal instincts are their inner voice and serve as the basis for them to make certain decisions in their lives; only these instincts prompt them to action, and not some kind of common sense.

In the same way, being either completely or partially unreasonable people, some people betray, let’s say, by mistake, which they later greatly regret. Human stupidity, unfortunately, as we know, knows no limits, and sometimes a person can betray us without any significant reason. This, of course, does not change the essence of the matter, but still, when a person was more mistaken and to a lesser extent consciously and purposefully betrayed someone, then, in principle, he can be forgiven. Although, of course, in the future you will have to be on guard with him, because there can no longer be complete trust in such a person. You and I cannot hope that this or that person who betrayed us because of his unconsciousness will suddenly, for no apparent reason, begin to see the light and we can begin to trust him. If this happens, it happens very rarely and only to a few people. Therefore, I do not recommend that you hope for this tiny miracle. Do you want to forgive the person who betrayed you? Great, goodbye. If only he deserves it. But I don’t recommend you trust him in the future, because by God, in this case you risk stepping on the same rake twice.

How to deal with betrayal?

As for your attitude towards betrayal, I suggest you treat this phenomenon, and each specific treacherous act, no matter who committed it, calmly and indifferently. Yes, I understand that you can object to me by saying that this is not the case when you can remain calm and not pay attention to the treacherous act of a person because of which you suffered greatly, especially if we are talking about a very close and a person very dear to you. But, if you prepare for such a scenario and not only accept the possibility that anyone, even the most reliable person from your point of view, can betray you, but also imagine it, then you can make such a development of events for yourself the norm and accordingly prepare for him. You understand, friends, that it’s all about our expectations, which are either met or not. It is because of this that we suffer when someone betrays us. We expect one thing from them, but they surprise us with another, they betray us, and we are unprepared for this stab in the back. That's the problem.

People are imperfect, and this has long been known, and some people find it difficult to be human at all; it is much easier for them to be animals and behave accordingly. And therefore, people, due to their imperfection, for the most part, in principle, are naturally inclined to betrayal. And those people who are at a very low level of development are all the more prone to betrayal, and not only betrayal, but also to many other bad actions. Well, why expect anything good from them? It would be more correct to expect from any person, first of all, the worst, most vile and base act, and prepare to give a worthy answer to it, than to place too high hopes on, no matter what kind of person, and then be upset because he did not live up to them . We can only hope for good deeds on the part of other people, and rejoice in the fact that they do them, and, if possible, reciprocate them in order to maintain the unspoken rules of human behavior in society. But to demand from people a certain attitude towards themselves, compliance with some obligations, fidelity, devotion, honesty, responsibility, is too naive. After all, in fact, no one owes you anything in this life. And no matter what obligations this or that person binds himself and whatever he personally promises you, he can refuse all this at any time, at his own request. We deceive ourselves when we recklessly trust other people and completely unreasonably believe in other people, pinning our hopes on them, which is why we suffer from betrayal, for which in most cases we are simply not ready.

Of course, each of us can and, as a rule, has some of our own beliefs and, starting from these beliefs, we can evaluate certain actions of other people, and even our own actions. Actually, we all have the right to this, the right to our opinion. But it is beneficial for us ourselves to be more flexible in our views on life, so as not to try to squeeze everything that happens in it into the narrow framework of our limited worldview. Everything, including betrayal, has the right to exist in this world, everything has its own necessity, its own benefit, and everything has its own pattern. Therefore, we must understand that lies and betrayal are the same natural phenomena in our lives as their opposites - honesty, valor, responsibility, love. We must be able to get along with all people and all the actions they commit, both good and bad. Therefore, I repeat once again, you should treat betrayal calmly and indifferently, preparing yourself in advance for the fact that anyone, I repeat, any person can betray you. Accept this, and then no one will be able to shock you with their treacherous behavior.

How to survive betrayal?

Well, if you were not ready for betrayal, and it so happened that you were betrayed, then what to do next, how to survive the betrayal? First of all, friends, look at the pattern of what happened to you, do not accept what happened to you as something that falls out of your picture of the world. If you were betrayed, then this action had its own reason, I will not say that it has its own justification, but the fact that it has an explanation is for sure. People are selfish, cowardly, stupid, greedy, treacherous, and therefore they will always have reasons to commit one or another bad act, bad, for someone else, first of all, but not for themselves. We can be betrayed at any moment, no one is immune from this, so there is nothing to be surprised about, we just need to understand what and why we lost sight of what we allowed someone to betray us. We must learn from our defeats, from our misfortunes, from our pain, so that in the future we will no longer allow ourselves such stupidity as absolute trust in other people. Therefore, when we are betrayed, we are taught, we are made smarter, wiser, and therefore stronger, which means that traitors, sometimes without realizing it, do good for us.

Thus, someone's weakness and stupidity makes us stronger, and we, in fact, should rejoice at this, rejoice that someone betrayed us, no matter how absurd it may sound. After all, if life throws us difficult trials, it places great hopes on us, it believes in us. And if life itself believes in us, then why don’t we believe in ourselves, why should we perceive the betrayal of another person as some kind of defeat of ours, as damage caused to us by someone? It is better to look at it as a victory, and see in this bad act for us, from which we suffered, new opportunities for our development, because being devoted, we change our lives, changing our views on it. We become stronger if we do not die after betrayal, and we, as a rule, do not die from it. We break off our relationship with the traitor or take it to a qualitatively new level, and these are completely different opportunities, a completely different life. And we get experience that is very useful for us, without which it is quite difficult to survive in this harsh world. A devoted person is a person who is wise with experience, he is careful with people and does not trust them fully, he is a person whom life has made more mature. Thus, friends, the practicality of your thinking will relieve you of the destructive emotions that cloud your judgment and cause you the pain you experience from being betrayed by another person or other people.

You must also understand that around you and me there may often be not very smart people who themselves do not understand what and why they are doing. Such people betray by mistake, or better yet, by stupidity, succumbing to the influence of emotions generated by the instinctive urges I described above, and often their mistakes harm not only the people around them, but also themselves. Mistake or betrayal? How to distinguish one from the other? Very simply, you need to pay attention to how conscious the actions of this or that person are, to what extent the results he receives justify, first of all, his own expectations. And you must understand that a person who harms not only other people, but also himself, is not a very smart person. Well, if a person is just a fool, then he will first do something, and then think about what he did. So, by acting unconsciously, you can make an incredible number of mistakes in your life, you can betray everyone, including yourself, and then regret what you have done. I'm sure you've encountered such people in your life. And, as it were, to be offended by them is stupid on our part, because their stupidity is their misfortune, not their fault. But even if you should have any dealings with such stupid people, do it very carefully. Because, you yourself understand, an unreasonable person is an unpredictable, inconsistent, irresponsible person who does not deserve trust in himself, and with it, respect. Now, if it was just such a fool who betrayed you, or a fool, then taking this betrayal too close to your heart is unnecessary. You shouldn't do this. Don't give much importance to someone who doesn't deserve it. What to take from a fool, why be offended by him, because he is devoid of reason, which means he has already been punished by God. You just need to draw the appropriate conclusions for yourself and understand that you shouldn’t have any serious business with this person, that he or she will never change, and you shouldn’t expect anything good from a fool-traitor.

You see, dear readers, everyone makes mistakes. We are not perfect. But this is especially often done by stupid people, of whom, it must be said, there are many in our world. Therefore, the betrayal of these people is yet another stupidity of theirs. But only a few deliberately betray. These are not stupid, but truly vile people. There is no point in being offended by fools, as I already said, because their stupidity harms not only the people around them, but also themselves. Well, as for those scoundrels who betray us deliberately, for the sake of their own selfish and often base goals, what can we say about them, except that if we ran into them, then we were very unlucky. Some psychologists recommend learning to forgive your traitors, which certainly helps to survive betrayal, but is too simple a solution. Of course, it makes no sense to hate a traitor either, because with our hatred we poison our own soul, but as for forgiveness, before we forgive someone, we must first understand what exactly and whom we are forgiving. Well, let’s say, how can you forgive a fool who foolishly betrayed you if such a person, in principle, should not be taken seriously? If it so happens that you were betrayed by a fool, then you should forgive not him, but yourself, for believing in the fool, for not seeing the fool in the fool, for allowing the fool to betray you, you, a smart person. Do you understand what the logic should be here? Forgiving fools is, you know, too much of a favor for them, because first you need to see a piece of reason in them, believe in it, then be deceived, and only then forgive someone who turned out to be worse than you expected. And if you didn’t do all this, then you shouldn’t forgive the fool, you should just completely ignore him and his treacherous act.

As for scoundrels and scoundrels who deliberately and sometimes very cruelly betray people for the sake of their own interests, then, in fact, it is not that there is nothing to forgive them, but there is also no need. You see, he’s a scoundrel, he’s a scoundrel, and he’ll always be that way, because that’s his role. How can you forgive him, why forgive him? And then let him come closer to you again and let him sting you again? A scoundrel betrays because he is a scoundrel, therefore he is a traitor, and he should not be forgiven, but, so to speak, marked as a black sheep, so that in the future you will not contact him and in no case trust him in anything. That’s all we need to do in order to calmly, without unnecessary, negative emotions that take away a lot of our strength and nerves, survive the betrayal, and having received a useful life lesson, continue to live.

And only a few people who, indeed, due to inexperience, due to unreasonableness, due to, so to speak, temporary insanity, without any malicious intent, due to the prevailing circumstances for which they were not prepared and which forced them to betray us, in principle , deserve our forgiveness. In any case, I believe that such people can be forgiven. It happens that a simply morally weak person, due to his weakness and cowardice, without meaning to, can betray you, friends. And then he will wildly repent of his actions, he will regret what he did, and he would be glad to fix everything, but he cannot, to his and your regret. As you know, you cannot change the past. Therefore, he wants only one thing - for you to forgive him. He does not expect a humane attitude from you, which he does not deserve, he does not expect anything other than forgiveness, because he understands that he hurt you, that he acted very, very badly by betraying you. He understands that now you will no longer see in him the person you saw before. And just think, he will carry this heavy moral burden with him all his life. He will really carry it within himself, friends, believe me. He, or she, will remember his treacherous act throughout his life, and these memories will cause this person the same intense pain that you experience when betrayed. And I believe that you and I should not burden the lives of such people, no matter how much they betray us, and torment their souls with our resentment towards them. Therefore, I suggest you forgive them, forgive them and let them go if you no longer want to deal with such people.

You, my dear reader, as a reasonable person, I am sure, understand perfectly well that it is better to turn to a psychologist for help to solve your problems than to pour alcohol on them, or try to intoxicate yourself in some other way in order to cope with your pain and suffering. There is no need to harm your health when there are normal ways to solve such problems. We need to work with problems, not drown them out. The main thing is to put things in order in your head, then there will be order in your life. It's hard to survive betrayal, I understand that. But it can always be done, believe me.

Betrayal is the violation of an oath of allegiance or duty, most often to the Motherland. Often, adultery, leaving a friend in trouble, and apostasy are also called betrayal. In Christianity, betrayal is considered one of the most serious sins.

When a loved one betrays you, the pain can be so intense that it seems like you are already in hell. But that's not true. I'll tell you what picture I saw. In your case, the picture may be different, because everyone has their own inner world.

Night. There is not a star in the sky. Winter. Penetrating cold. Steppe. Scanty dry stems of last year's grass stick out through the snow. And a wolf howl. And loneliness. And the realization that there is no one for many miles around...

And in your soul is the image of a loved one who pulled you out of your cozy world and threw you here like an unnecessary thing. And he turned his back to you. You want to shout to him: “For what?!”, but there’s a lump stuck in your throat. You know that he won't hear you...

And I don’t want ANYTHING! The only salvation seems to be that if you curl up into a ball, clasp your hands tightly around your knees pulled up to your chin and close your eyes tightly, you will be able to forget yourself and the pain will recede. But she doesn't back down. It turns you inside out. It seems that someone’s ruthless hand has reached into your soul and is trying to tear it out by the roots...

Also, if you have girlfriends or other close people, you hear their voices. But as if not nearby, but from outside, from another world, from where you were expelled. And you vaguely understand how they say to you: “Spit!”, “Forget!”, “Be strong!”, but these words mean nothing to you. They make no sense here, in this dank steppe.

What to do when it seems like there is no way out?

Take my word for it, there is a way out, and more than one.

First, you can go to a psychologist. I’ve never used it myself, but they say it helps.

Secondly. Remember firmly: if you remain lying under the blanket, swallowing snot and listening to the lamentations of your relatives, your condition may last for an indefinite period of time and become chronic. And the worst thing is that you may lose faith in people. Burn it into your brain with a hot iron: if one person turns out to be a nit, this is not a reason to blame all of humanity!

Now, get up and go!

The first thing you need to do is surrender to the power of your pain. Howl, scream, bite the pillow, roar, sob. In general, undergo an intensive course of shock therapy in full. The more actively you do this, the faster the pain will go away. MANDATORY: make a schedule for yourself: for example, from 8 to 9 and from 20 to 21 o’clock - suffering. And please, stick to the schedule!

If you want to chew your snot during the breaks between the hours specially designated for this, suffer for your health, it won’t get any worse. But if you want to cheat and at the appointed time do something else instead of suffering, remember: the smaller portion of suffering you experience today, the more will be left “for later,” i.e. it will stretch out over time.

Attention! If you feel that you will not be able to withstand such an intensive course, set yourself a time of less than an hour. As much as you can stand without falling into hysterics. But in any case, it is imperative to suffer according to a schedule!

You will soon notice that if at first you didn’t have enough time to suffer, then every day you calm down faster and faster. For example, you began to suffer at eight o’clock, and at 8:30 you already began to think that it was time to renovate the kitchen. Don't cheat! We decided from eight to nine, which means from eight to nine! Write your story down on paper in as much detail as possible. Pick up your notes and re-read them! Refresh your memory of how vilely they treated you, and continue to suffer for another half hour.

And don’t try to run away from your pain, it will catch up with you. Don't hibernate, it will give you nightmares. Don't try to push it inside, it will gnaw at you from the inside. Give her free rein (but on a short leash), she will quickly get tired of tormenting you on a schedule. She will quickly understand who is the boss here and run away.

And now - the most important thing! End each suffering with the words: “Thank you, Lord!” You must say this phrase 12 times. Whether you believe in God or not does not matter. This is your own business. The main thing is that it works! The only condition here is that you must thank sincerely.

And for this you must understand that in nature everything is harmonious. There is nothing superfluous and nothing lacking. Moreover, all processes occurring in nature are aimed at evolution, that is, from simple to complex, from weak to strong, from ugly to beautiful. This means that what happened to you in the end should lead you to the better. You don't know yet how it will happen, but it will happen! This is the law of nature! For this, give thanks.

How long should you continue to do this exercise? You will feel it yourself. Just at one moment you will realize that the pain is gone. This can be from several hours to a month or even more. Everything depends on you. I can say from myself that if I relieved the pain from the first (and last) betrayal for more than two months, now I get out of ANY stress in a couple of hours at most.

When the pain goes away, burn the piece of paper with your notes and flush it down the toilet!

And at the end of the exit from this whole vile story - forgive your offender! I understand that this is very difficult to do. Perhaps much more difficult than relieving pain. But you must do this so that nothing like this ever happens to you again.

Take action! I'm sure you will succeed.

And God grant you that this will be the last betrayal in your life!

Elena Bogushevskaya