What to do if you are left alone at home. Home alone: ​​when to leave your child alone

Recently, when my child got sick, I was forced to stay home. At first I tried to persuade my husband to skip work, then I called my eternally busy grandparents, and in conclusion I spent a long time explaining to my boss that I had no one to leave my sick child with, and today I would not be able to make my colleagues happy with my presence. Listening attentively to my telephone debate, the three-year-old toddler stunned me with the question: “Mom, when can I stay home alone so you can work?”

Simple at first glance children's question puzzled me: really, at what age can you leave a child at home alone? How to prepare your baby for this important event? How do you know that a child is mentally ready to spend several hours alone without getting hurt? Questions arose one after another, but there was no answer...

What is it like - the taste of independence

There is no definite answer to these questions: some children, even at the age of 4-5, can study alone and do not need constant attention parents, and others even at 12 years old are scared to be left unattended even for a few minutes. But, no matter what, you still need to teach your child to be independent, the only thing is when and how to do it.

According to psychologists, much depends on the character and temperament of the child. If you are not going to take care of your child before the wedding, you need to give him a taste of independence in a timely manner. Agree, sooner or later the moment will come when you have to let the grown-up child out from under your wing. And it’s better to start at 5-6 years old. The longer you control your child’s every step, the more temptations he will have to do something forbidden when left alone for the first time.

It is necessary to give a taste of independence gradually - in homeopathic doses, because even life-threatening poison is useful in small doses. It is very difficult to poison a person accustomed to small doses of poison with this very poison. So it is here - with skillful dosing of independence, the child will be able to feel all the delights of “adult” life and learn to avoid pitfalls.

In any business, the main thing is good preparation. Therefore, before leaving your child alone in the apartment, practice a little. As a warm-up before the main start, give your child maximum freedom in your presence and do not control his every step. Create the so-called appearance of complete freedom and independence, determine a few hours for yourself (“mother’s hour”) when you will go about your business without being distracted by the child: “Let’s now everyone mind their own business. And in an hour we will discuss, What have we managed to do?" As a training exercise, you can leave the child alone, but not leave the apartment: for example, take a bath or go to bed. By giving your child the appearance of your absence, you teach him to rely only on himself. At the same time, both you and the child feel calm. Thanks to such training, the child will quickly get used to your temporary absence and will not turn to his mother for help every minute. Now you can move on to complete independence.

Separately, it is worth mentioning about food intake. More often, allow your child to manage the kitchen himself and do not call him to do everything that is ready. Let the baby pour his own juice, make a sandwich and open the yogurt. On a day off, let your child prepare breakfast himself: mom is tired and wants to sleep. After some time, you will see that the child is quite familiar with the kitchen drawers and will not die of hunger in your absence. Even if a child already knows how to use a stove, it is better not to do this alone. Leave it in a thermos while you're away. ready-made food(for example, a cutlet with potatoes). At 5-6 years old, a child is already able to carefully open a thermos, put its contents on a plate and eat. If you have a microwave oven, you can heat food in it. Try to leave your child those dishes that he loves most and eats with appetite. I can say from my own experience that if you leave your child a hated hodgepodge, which he eats with disgust even in your presence, have no doubt - at best, he will flush it down the toilet and assure him that everything was very tasty. This is exactly what I did as a child with dishes that did not make me hungry.

The first time is the hardest

Leaving your child home alone for the first time and leaving is like walking through a minefield. First of all, stop being nervous. Even if the cats are scratching your soul, and you are ready to give up everything and abandon this idea, control yourself. Until you believe that the child has grown up and become completely independent, he will continue to hide behind your skirt. Children sense the mother’s psychological mood from a distance, and if you are very nervous, the baby will also be anxious, and having felt your calmness and equanimity, the child will gladly accept a new exciting game called “Home Alone.”

Don't plan important things on the first day - you won't get anything done anyway. Within a second after the door slams behind you, your imagination will begin to draw scary pictures of what could happen to your child in your absence. They say correctly - the first time is the most difficult. When my colleague Lena left her six-year-old daughter alone for the first time and went to work, in three hours she drank twelve cups of strong coffee, smoked half a pack of cigarettes (despite the fact that she practically does not smoke), did absolutely nothing and looked at her watch every second , and Lena called home every twenty minutes to find out how things were going. But her daughter’s cheerful and contented voice did not calm her down; for the entire three hours, Lena wondered out loud what her child was doing now, and, I must say, her fantasies were worse than any horror film. This went on for several days. Gradually, Lena increased the time of her absence by thirty minutes. And, two weeks later, she had already stopped smoking, drinking coffee nervous soil, but worked quietly.

It’s better to start with short absences, for example to the nearest store. In 20-30 minutes, the child will not have time to do anything terrible, but will only feel like an adult and independent. By the age of 5-6, children are more or less aware of time and know how to use a watch. Before leaving, explain to your child in detail when you return, “When the big hand is on the number twelve and the little hand is on seven, I will come.” And try not to be late, because the child will be waiting for you. If upon your return you find your baby scared and crying, put off trying to teach him independence for a while. This means that your child is not yet mentally ready to be left alone. Try to replay the situation role-playing games. For example, he is a bunny, and you are a mother bunny. The bunny's mother went to get carrots, and the bunny was left alone at home. Let the child tell you what the bunny will do, what he will play and what he is afraid of. It is necessary for the child (in the role of a bunny, bear, etc.) to talk through all his fears several times. Scary situations voiced and played out will no longer seem so to the child. After a few weeks, try again to leave the child alone.

When you come home, try not to swear at your baby for the mess he made. Curiosity is a completely natural feeling (and you have it too). As children, we all dreamed of being like our parents, of becoming as grown up and important. Left alone, children, as a rule, play with “adult toys”, imitating their parents, and there is no escape from this. And if one day, when you come home, you find that all your cosmetics are smeared on your beloved daughter’s face, your son is using roll-on blush as bullets for shooting, and they signed a postcard for you with Dior pencils, try not to faint and not tear your children to pieces. Better appreciate their resourcefulness. I am still amazed at my mother’s patience when my friend (who was also a neighbor in a communal apartment) and I, playing Indians, painted ourselves with insanely expensive and scarce Polish lipstick at that time. And to her question: “What will I use to paint my lips now?” with childish spontaneity they offered their gouache (we were 5 years old at the time, and this was the first time our parents left us alone). Try to show maximum patience and tact. If you don't swear a lot, your child will quickly get bored of playing with your cosmetics and will return to his toys. And for the first time, put away those things that you really really feel sorry for. Pretty soon the baby will stop secretly climbing into “forbidden” cabinets, realizing that there is nothing interesting there.

When you are sure that the child can easily tolerate half-hour absences, you can gradually increase the time. But if you need to leave for a few hours, promise to call to see how he's doing. You'll see - after a short telephone conversation you will feel much calmer. But even if the child tolerates your absence well, try to always return to the time when it is time for the child to sleep. Most children normally tolerate their mother's absence for hours, but they are afraid to fall asleep alone - this is a natural instinct: children need their parents to protect their sleep.

Very important briefing

The child must clearly understand: there are things that cannot be done under any circumstances. Here are a few of the most common “don’ts” (you may add a few of your own requirements to this list, the main thing is to make sure that the child clearly understands these rules and is not trying to secretly break them).

It is forbidden open the door to no one, even if it’s a neighbor who came. Moreover, this rule also applies to the time when parents are at home. Entrance door should only be opened by adults. Explain to your child that everyone close to you has keys to the apartment.

It is forbidden by phone strangers tell him that he (the child) is now alone at home, and his mother will come only in 3 hours, and generally do not allow the child to engage in lengthy conversations with strangers. Tell your child to answer strangers something like this: “Mom is very busy right now and can’t answer the phone. Call back in 3 hours.” In this case, firstly, you do not force the child to lie, because the mother is really busy. And secondly, it is not clear to outsiders that the baby is at home alone.

It is forbidden Throw nothing from the balcony or window. It is generally better not to approach windows and not look outside. Even if the apartment is very hot, do not leave large windows open (even if there is a mosquito net on them), with the exception of small windows that a child cannot reach. It is better to install special locking latches on the windows that the child cannot open independently.

It is forbidden play with electrical appliances. Children very often play with a vacuum cleaner, hair dryer or safety razor on.

There should be a list of “on duty” numbers near the phone (your mobile, dad’s, aunt’s, grandma’s, etc.) so that in case of an emergency, the child knows where to call. Do not expect that the child knows all the numbers by heart - at the most crucial moment, the memory may fail. And be sure to explain to your child in what cases it is necessary to urgently call and ask for help.

Independence test

1. The child can keep himself busy for more than 2 hours and does not come to you every 5 minutes for help.
2. The child is not afraid of the dark and closed spaces: he often plays in the room behind a closed door and falls asleep without a night light.
3. The child clearly knows the limits of what is permitted: what can and cannot be done (and why not).
4. The child often plays role-playing games, putting himself in the place of adults (in the “daughter-mother”, the patient and the doctor).
5. In games, the child does not show sadomasochistic tendencies: he understands when he will be hurt and tries to avoid pain, he does not deliberately try to hurt animals, parents, brothers and sisters (the exception is toys - almost all children break them, this is normal).
6. The child knows how to use the telephone.
7. The child is not vengeful: he does not know how to hide anger for a long time, hatch a plan of revenge, quickly “moves away” and forgives insults.
8. The child knows how to adequately evaluate his actions: “I did something bad. Mom will scold,” “I did everything well. Mom will be happy.”
9. The child has certain responsibilities at home (putting away toys, making his own bed, etc.) and he fulfills them responsibly.
10. The child involuntarily follows a daily routine (eats and goes to bed at approximately the same time), and parents do not have to constantly monitor him and remind him that it is time to sleep. "Restricted" children have more developed internal discipline (self-discipline).

If you answer “yes” to at least 8 points, it means that your child is quite ready to break away from you for a while and does not need every minute control. Otherwise, it's better not to take risks.

Discussion

It's very sad to read things like this. What kind of attempts are there at 6 years old to leave one child alone? A child at 6 years old is already going to school, and you just open thermoses and try to teach them how to do something. please tell me what about kindergartens and preschool institutions, what should we do with them? How can you leave a child there alone? In general, the most offensive thing is that people read you and take your “opinions” into account

I have two kids. The daughter is 8 years old, the son is 5. Despite the fact that the daughter is the eldest, the son seems much more independent. He can occupy himself for a long time without requiring adult attention. The daughter, on the contrary, constantly controls whether her father or mother is in her field of vision. We still try not to leave them alone. There was one case when dad went away for 5 minutes. (mom was at work, and dad was running into the yard for milk) the youngest was 2 years old, he was fast asleep, and his daughter was enthusiastically watching cartoons. Result: Approaching the door upon his return, dad heard a wild roar in 2 voices. He frantically opened the door. The daughter is standing in the bathroom cold water washes the blood from your head. There is a bloody road from the living room to the bathroom. The younger one is right there near the bathroom, also hysterical. Both roar wildly. Oil painting from horror films. How it happened: as soon as dad was at the door, the son woke up and started asking his sister for a drink, she didn’t understand him or didn’t want to be distracted from the cartoons. The child held a rather heavy glass in his hands. Having repeated the request to his sister many times and not receiving a drink, the child threw the glass in her direction. Unfortunately, he accurately hit her head in a blood vessel.
After this incident, my husband and I developed a phobia; we are still afraid to leave our children alone. Even for a short time.

I have two 4 and 2.5, I can only leave them for 10 minutes at home, if you really need to go to the store, it’s on the corner of the house. I have 2 fears: that they will climb onto the balcony, the older one can open it, and that I could get stuck in the elevator and then it will not last for 10 minutes. I very rarely leave it, mostly I carry it with me everywhere.

I support Nastya’s opinion, very correct. I left the child alone once: he was sleeping, and I had to go buy milk and kefir (he was 1.5 years old). I flew home like a bird. Thank God, nothing happened, he continued to sleep, did not wake up, but my feelings made such an impression on me that now we go everywhere together (either with me, or with dad, or with both of us). On forays and visits, on vacation in Crimea - only together. I know from myself how difficult it is for me to be separated from him. Personally for me. Something really can happen at home that Small child he won't figure it out on his own. And it will be very insulting, ashamed, bitter and old because if there had been an adult with the child, then nothing terrible would have happened at all.

May God give all the children patience and good luck! I completely agree with Nastiy (review dated 7.3.2005)!

Yuliya, esli eshe chitaesh... Nam pyat i po chasam ne orientiruemsa. Probovala ostavlyat ego na 30 - 60 minut. 3 Raza. 2 iz nih normalno. Odin - nashla ves izrevelsa: "boyalsa svoyey teni", i "skuchal". Torchal iz okna (3 etaj), chtobi menya uvidet. Tokom proshiblo... NO Bog ubereg.

I am very concerned about this problem. My daughter is 6 and a half years old. I can’t leave her at home even for 15 minutes without her; hysterics immediately begin. And even when we go to the store together, and she is on a bicycle, she cannot be alone near the store. But she can play in the yard with friends for hours and doesn’t need her mother. The last attempt ended in a huge scandal and punishment. I myself worry that I was wrong for punishing my daughter, but I couldn’t control myself. It seemed like we agreed that my daughter would ride a bike near the store, but I had only walked 10 steps when I heard such a scream that I thought she had crashed. But she goes to school in the fall. I don’t know what to do, please tell me, because I don’t have the opportunity to drive and pick up from school, and I have to ask my grandmother all the time....

It's a difficult question when you can leave your child. If it weren’t for these strange accidents that some authors talk about, like the wiring caught fire, etc., then you can leave it if the child can sit and play normally on his own and has no fears. I left my 5-year-old son for 2 hours. But... if you think about it, it’s not good if others don’t know that the child is home alone, and if the child doesn’t know where to call if something happens. For example, I drove a car, and what if it broke down or there was an accident. The child is waiting for you at a certain time, but you are still not there... The author of the article is absolutely right that the child should: talk on the phone, be able to open the door and address the neighbors somewhere very specifically. My brother and I stayed together since our first grade. And well, one time our clothes caught fire on the radiator, it’s good that I wasn’t confused and thought to pull out the socket and push the clothes under the water. And then we finally ran to my mother’s kindergarten, where she worked, to tell everything, my mother, of course, ran home to find out the extent of it, in case the light had gone out somewhere. There was a case when we were already quite big, but the devil pulled, one of us opened the door to a stranger. We then begged the guy for an hour or two to leave, and until mom came, the guy asked either to bring water or food... It’s good that it’s no worse. Mom was shocked that we opened it, knowing that we couldn’t open it. Nobody here remembers exactly why my brother and I made such a mistake.

I read all the arguments, there are a lot of interesting things about psychology, but NOT A SINGLE PERSON wrote that in the absence of an adult at home, something uncontrollable could happen - the wiring would short out, for example, a fire would start. What do you think the child will do? Will he rush to call his mom? No matter how it is, in 90% of cases he will get scared and hide under the bed or in the closet, etc. We are looking for excuses for ourselves - we need to go to the store, get sick leave, have no one to leave with. Why leave it, explain to me? Because you don’t want to bother with the baby? I have two children, one is one year old, the other is four. If I need somewhere, to a store, pharmacy or just shopping mall I'm impatient for some gift, for example, I take them with me. Uncomfortable? Nonsense. But I'm calm. Yes, you have to spend at least an hour to take with you something necessary, to provide everything: clothes for the youngest, something to drink for both, to dress everyone and roll out of the house. But I know that if something happens in the apartment, it will happen without the participation of my children. I agree with the governments of civilized countries. Expecting complete independence from a child is stupid, and if some parents simply don’t have the intelligence to understand this, then there is no need to leave it to their discretion to decide when the child can be left alone.

I left my daughter alone from the age of 3: first for 5-10 minutes (to take out the trash can), then for 20-30 minutes (she herself asked to buy something in the store), now I can go almost every day for 1- 1.5 hours - not afraid, and I think that he will even sit for 2-3 hours. But as for telling the time... She is 5.5 years old, and everything related to watches is still dark forest. I wonder if we are the only ones, or is it still too early to figure out the clock?

I taught my daughter from the age of 2.5 out of necessity - in the summer we lived with my grandmother, where the garbage was taken out by a car every hour and every other day. If you didn't get it out on time, that's your problem. It took about 5-10 minutes. Then I “took out the trash”, leaving for a short time. Then - to the store, always promising juice or cheese...
Now my daughter is 3.5 years old. I leave it for 1 hour, but it doesn’t work anymore. She gets scared.

I left my child alone at home from the age of 1.5, not for long of course (15-20 minutes), and every time I came home I found the same picture: the house is a mess, the child is all dirty. Now my daughter is 3 years old, but still coming home at most already after 1-1.5 hours. I find the same thing. Although when I’m at home and I want to sleep or do something else (washing, ironing, cleaning), my daughter can eat and play on her own, no one controls her at this time and everything remains in order, but she only stands for the threshold of how her independence knows no bounds.

And in America, if you leave your child alone at home (as the first review said) until the age of 12, they will take you where they should be, and then wait for the conclusions.

My husband told me this: now (at 7 years old) it’s not as scary as before - I was little, and not as dangerous as at 15 years old - already big :) We don’t leave it for long from about 5.5, my daughter knows the rules of behavior, and so as not to get bored, we turn on cartoons, or do something interesting - draw, sculpt, etc.

menf pinned a passage about coffee and cigarettes: at first I thought that the mother left her daughter alone, and she (the daughter) drank 20 cups of coffee and smoked half a pack of cigarettes :) I was only a little surprised how the child could still speak on the phone after that in a cheerful voice: )

The film “Home Alone” needs no introduction, because everyone traditionally watches it New Year! Director Chris Columbus made this family comedy back in 1990, which immediately became the most successful and popular Christmas film ever made. “Home Alone” was the box office leader for 12 weeks in a row, entering the Guinness Book of Records as a comedy that collected record amount at the box office. Most of us have seen this legendary film many times, but we are sure that the facts about this movie that await you in the continuation of the article will become a real discovery for you.

The scene with the tarantula on the face was real. Daniel Stern (Marvin) agreed to place a live spider on his face and, in order not to scare it, was forced to silently pretend to scream. The sound was added later

In fact, Baz's friend was fictitious, she was portrayed by the son of the artistic director, who was dressed up in a dress and wig. The director felt that using a photo of a real girl would be too cruel

The treehouse, which belonged to Kevin in the script, was built specifically for the film and demolished after filming

Joe Pesci (Harry) constantly forgot that he was playing a role in a family comedy and was surrounded by children, so he constantly cursed. The director told him to say “Fridge” instead of “Fuck.”

Joe Pesci really wanted little Culkin (Kevin) to be afraid of him for a more realistic look on camera. In the scene where the bandits hang Kevin on a hook and threaten to bite off all his fingers, Pesci went a little overboard and accidentally bit the boy until he bled.

In fact, the movie “Angels with Dirty Souls,” which Kevin watched when he was alone, does not exist. Gangster movie footage was filmed specifically for Home Alone

The film was almost entirely filmed in Chicago, and the Paris airport was actually Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. The luxury business class seats were built on the basketball court at the local high school, and the flooded basement of the McCallister home was the same swimming pool. the school itself

The McCallister home is actually located at 671 Lincoln Avenue in the village of Winnetka. The three-story home was listed for $2.4 million in 2011 and sold for $1,585,000 in 2012. The home is currently being marketed as a tourist attraction

Attentive viewers may have noticed that the poster for the cult film, in which Macaulay Culkin depicts a scream, is strikingly reminiscent of Edvard Munch's famous painting "The Scream"

What many of us noticed throughout the film was officially confirmed by doctors in 2012, saying that the injuries that Harry and Marvin received in the film would have resulted in death if they had happened in reality.

The role of Harry was originally offered to Robert De Niro and Jon Lovitz, but they both turned it down.

Although the role of Kevin was written specifically for Culkin, another hundred boys were still auditioned just to make sure that Culkin was the right choice.

Macaulay's brother Kieran also starred in the film. He played the role of Fuller, Kevin's bedwetting cousin.

Home Alone is well known in many countries around the world, but in Poland, watching this film has become a real Christmas tradition. In 2011, it was recorded that more than 5 million Poles watched the film at Christmas, making it the most popular film of the year

Kevin's "Talkboy" recorder was actually a non-working prop, but after seeing it in the movies, fans clamored for one for several years, forcing a real prototype to be created and sold in stores.

Some people who still don't believe Elvis Presley died believe that he starred in this film. They decided that the bearded man standing in the background of the stage when Kevin's mother screams at the receptionist is none other than Elvis

Supposedly Kevin's scary neighbor, whose character was not originally in the script, but was included after the director wanted to add sentimentality to the film

John Candy was forced to film for 23 hours due to the actor's catastrophic lack of time. The parts of the film in which a sweet stranger helps a desperate mother get home were filmed in 24 hours. And this despite the fact that much more time was allocated for this

The broken "glass" decorations that Marv walks on were actually made from candy. However, just in case, the actor wore rubber "feet" for his barefoot scenes.

Macaulay Culkin actually drew a map that he uses to build traps for robbers

Since the release of the first film in 1990, Home Alone has become a holiday movie classic, a fixture of Christmas and an inspiration for the holiday spirit. Thanks to the success of the first film, many sequels were released, which, however, look rather faded in comparison with the beloved film. We will tell you about 10 very interesting and very unusual facts about filming everyone's favorite movie.

World record

“Home Alone” is a record holder included in the Guinness Book of Records. It grossed over $17 million during its first weekend of release. The film was in first place in cinema ticket sales for 12 weeks and became the most financially successful comedy of the 90s.

What inspired famous stage screaming


The film's poster is famous for the shot of McCaulay Culkin screaming in the foreground. The authors were inspired to create this frame famous painting Edvard Munch's "The Scream".

Angels with dirty souls


The gangster film “Angels with Dirty Souls,” which Kevin watches in several episodes, never actually existed in reality. All footage was filmed on film set film "Home Alone" and stylized as an old movie.

talkboy


The children's toy "Tock Boy" in the film is actually a non-working prop. The real, working version had to be released on the shelves after numerous letters from fans asking them to tell us where they could buy this miracle.

Finger bite


Remember the scene where Harry bites Kevin's finger? This scene is very real. Joe Pesci bit Culkin's finger so hard that he was left with a permanent scar.

Tarantula scene


Daniel Stern agreed to the tarantula scene only on the condition that it be filmed in one take. The scream that we hear in the frame was added during the dubbing because it could scare the spider.

Buzz's girlfriend


The photo of Buzz's girlfriend is actually a boy dressed as a girl. The filmmakers decided that it would be ugly to look for a girl whose appearance they would then laugh at.

Robert DeNiro


Robert DeNiro was originally approached to play Harry, but the actor turned it down. After which the role went to Joe Pesci.

Reference to the movie "Uncle Buck"


The idea for the film came from a scene in the movie Uncle Buck, where McCaulay Culkin's character communicates with his nanny through the mail slot in the door. The original scene, slightly modified, was also included in the film.

John Heard


John Heard, who plays Kevin's father Peter McCallister, initially hated the film. According to the actor, the film was simply terrible. After the resounding success, John apologized to the director and screenwriter and admitted that he had changed his mind.