Age characteristics children 10 - 12 years old
The age of 10–12 years is early adolescence. During this period there is a transition from childhood to adulthood, from immaturity to maturity, it is critical, because associated with various difficulties. A teenager is no longer a child and not yet an adult.
They develop a “Feeling of Adulthood” that is not supported by real responsibility; it manifests itself in the need for equality, respect and independence, in the demand for a serious, trusting attitude on the part of adults. And if these requirements are neglected, these needs are not met, the child’s negative features of the teenage crisis worsen.
Children also have a need for favorable confidential communication with adults. If this is not the case in the family, children experience difficulties in communicating with peers, teachers, and perhaps attract attention to themselves by any means, even negative ones, because they lack parental attention and warmth.
During this period there is a stormy and uneven physical development: acceleration of growth, discrepancy in growth of the cardiovascular system. The heart grows faster than blood vessels. This causes various disorders to appear: darkening of the eyes, dizziness, headaches.
The pace of their activities slows down (the student now needs more time to complete certain work, including homework)
There are also violations from nervous system: Increased excitability,
Hot temper,
Irritability,
Tendency to affect
Children are often distracted and react inadequately to comments. Sometimes they behave defiantly, are irritated, capricious, and their mood often changes.
All this causes reprimands, punishments, leads to decreased academic performance and conflicts in relationships.
You, parents, should know that all these features are objective and they will pass quickly and will not have any impact. negative influence for studies and family relationships, if you find suitable forms of interaction.
It is very important during this period to talk with the child, to be in a trusting relationship with him, so that the child opens up and tells you about problems. It is important to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him not only when he is feeling bad, but you should also share pleasant, joyful moments. Give examples from your life experience. And then the teenager will definitely begin to share his problems.
Try to talk openly and frankly with your child about sensitive topics. Be open to communicating with your child, even if you don’t know something or doubt something, don’t hesitate to tell him about it.
Talk about your experiences at the age your children are now.
DO NOT speak negatively about experiences you had growing up. The child will experience them from your position and perceive them the way you perceived them.
During puberty, it is important for boys to receive support and approval from their mothers, and for girls from their fathers.
Show affection to your children, show them your love.
Be especially attentive and observant, pay attention to any changes in your child's behavior.
Try to protect your child by all means possible if he needs it.
Parent meeting “Age characteristics of children 12-13 years of age”
Adolescence is an acute transition from childhood to adulthood. On the one hand, for this difficult period there are indicative negative manifestations, disharmony in the personality structure, and the challenging nature of his behavior towards adults. On the other hand, adolescence is also distinguished by many positive factors: the child’s independence increases, relationships with other children and adults become more diverse and meaningful, the scope of his activities expands significantly, etc. Most importantly, this period is distinguished by the child’s emergence into a qualitatively new social position, in which his conscious attitude towards himself as a member of society is formed.
The most important feature of adolescents is a gradual shift away from directly copying adults’ assessments to self-esteem, with increasing reliance on internal criteria. The ideas on the basis of which adolescents form self-esteem criteria are acquired in the course of a special activity - self-knowledge. The main form of self-knowledge of a teenager is comparing himself with other people - adults, peers.
A teenager’s behavior is regulated by his self-esteem, and self-esteem is formed in the course of communication with people around him. But the self-esteem of younger adolescents is contradictory and insufficiently holistic, which is why many unmotivated actions can arise in their behavior. At this age, communication with peers becomes of paramount importance. Communicating with friends, younger teenagers actively master norms, goals, and means social behavior, develop criteria for assessing themselves and others, based on the commandments of the “code of partnership.” External manifestations of adolescents’ communicative behavior are very contradictory. On the one hand, the desire to be the same as everyone else at any cost, on the other, the desire to distinguish yourself at any cost; on the one hand, the desire to earn the respect and authority of comrades, on the other hand, flaunting one’s own shortcomings. The passionate desire to have a faithful close friend coexists in younger adolescents with a feverish change of friends, the ability to instantly be charmed and just as quickly become disillusioned with former “friends for life.”
The main significance of the grades received at school is that they provide the opportunity to occupy a higher position in the class. But if the position can be achieved through the manifestation of other qualities, the value of the marks falls. Children perceive teachers through the prism public opinion class. Therefore, teenagers come into conflict with teachers, violate discipline and, feeling the tacit approval of their classmates, do not experience unpleasant subjective experiences.
In all respects, a teenager is overwhelmed by a thirst for “norm” - for him to be “like everyone else,” “like others.” But this age is characterized by disproportion, that is, the absence of “norms.” The difference in the pace of development has noticeable influence on the psyche and self-awareness.
Comparing the development of early (accelerated) and late maturing teenage boys, we can come to the conclusion that the former have a number of advantages over the latter. Accelerated boys feel more confident with their peers and have a more favorable self-image. Early physical development, giving advantages in growth, physical strength and then, it helps to increase prestige among peers and the level of aspirations.
It is during this period that intensive development of inner life occurs; Along with friendship comes friendship. The content of the letters changes, losing their stereotypical and descriptive character; descriptions of experiences appear in them; attempts are made to keep intimate diaries and first loves begin.
"Teenage Complex" Sharply expressed psychological characteristics adolescence are called the “teenage complex.” The “teenage complex” includes mood swings - from unbridled joy to despondency and back - without sufficient reason, as well as a number of other polar qualities that appear alternately. Sensitivity to outsiders' assessment of one's appearance, abilities, and skills is combined with excessive arrogance and categorical judgments regarding others. Sentimentality sometimes coexists with amazing callousness, painful shyness with swagger, the desire to be recognized and appreciated by others with ostentatious independence, the struggle with authorities, generally accepted rules and widespread ideals with the deification of random idols, and sensual fantasy with dry philosophizing. Teenagers are extremely selfish, consider themselves the center of the universe and the only subject worthy of interest, and at the same time, in one of the subsequent periods of their lives, they are not capable of such devotion and self-sacrifice. They can love passionately and end the relationship as suddenly as they started. On the one hand, they are enthusiastically involved in the life of the community, and on the other hand, they are seized by a passion for solitude. Sometimes their behavior towards other people is rude and unceremonious, although they themselves are incredibly vulnerable. Their mood fluctuates between radiant optimism and the darkest pessimism. Sometimes they work with never-ending enthusiasm, and sometimes they are slow and apathetic.
Emancipation reaction The emancipation reaction is a specific adolescent behavioral reaction. It is manifested by the desire to free oneself from the tutelage, control, and patronage of elders - relatives, teachers, and people of the older generation in general. It can extend to the orders established by elders, rules, laws, standards of their behavior and spiritual values. The need to free yourself is associated with the struggle for independence, for self-affirmation as an individual. This reaction in adolescents occurs with excessive care from elders, with petty control, when he is deprived of minimal independence and freedom, and is treated like a small child.
The manifestations of the emancipation reaction are very diverse. It can be felt in the daily behavior of a teenager, in the desire to always and everywhere act in his own way, independently. One of the extreme forms of manifestation of this reaction is running away from home and vagrancy, caused by the desire to “live a free life.” Most teenagers, in response to the question of how they make decisions in life, Everyday life, claim that they experience difficulties communicating with their parents and often conflict with them. Conflicts may arise over daily habits (clothing, time away from home). They are often associated with school life(low academic performance, unfinished homework, need to prepare for exams) and, finally, with systems of norms and values. Desire to withdraw emotional dependence from parents is much more pronounced in boys than in girls.
Modern teenager He sees the prospect of his usefulness to others in the enrichment of his own individuality. But the discrepancy between the aspirations of a teenager related to awareness of his capabilities, assertion of himself as an individual, and the position of a schoolchild, dependent on the will of an adult, causes a deepening crisis of self-esteem. Even compared to the early 1970s, there are more teenagers who have a predominant negative self-esteem, which affects the general vitality of children. Rejection of adults' assessments, regardless of their correctness, is clearly evident. The reason lies primarily in the lack of proper conditions to satisfy the adolescent’s acute need for public recognition. This results in an artificial delay in personal self-determination and is reflected, in particular, in the craving for intimate-personal and spontaneous-group communication with peers, the emergence of various kinds teenage companies, informal groups. In the process of spontaneous group communication, aggressiveness, cruelty, increased anxiety, isolation, etc. become stable.
Based on readiness for work, a teenager develops a conscious desire to use his capabilities, to prove himself, including qualitatively new relationships with society, expressing his social essence.
A teenager's sense of adulthood The feeling of adulthood, which occupies one of the most significant places in the internal position of a teenager, is that he no longer wants to be considered a child, he claims to be an adult. But a student, as a rule, cannot fulfill this need for serious activity. Hence the desire for “external adulthood”, which manifests itself in changes appearance in accordance with the fashion of adults” in an exaggerated interest in gender issues, smoking, drinking alcohol, etc. It should be taken into account that a teenager’s increased attention to his appearance is associated with very specific characteristics mental development child during this period, with a change in the orientation of adolescents from adults to peers. Therefore, it is very important for a teenager to meet the norms that are accepted in their environment. The teacher must develop “social adulthood” in adolescents by including them in self-government and active socially useful activities.
Value orientations of teenagers Adolescents have a desire to understand themselves more deeply, to understand their feelings, moods, opinions, and relationships. The life of a teenager should be filled with some meaningful relationships, interests, and experiences. Exactly at adolescence a certain circle of interests begins to be established, which gradually acquires a certain stability. The range of interests is the psychological basis value orientations teenager. Interest in the psychological experiences of other people and in one’s own develops.
Evaluation of work invested in learning The student expects that not only the result of his work, but also his own contribution, different from that achieved by others, should be assessed. He considers the result of his work as objective evidence of personal achievements. And when his achievements are not recognized by the teacher, the student experiences this as psychological discomfort, the source of which is the neglect of other people for what, in his opinion, is reliably fixed in the result he has achieved. If on initial stage education (for younger schoolchildren), the main criterion for the work they put into a task is the time spent, then at the next stage (in the third and fourth grades), along with the time factor, other criteria are put forward that characterize the attitude towards the work with which it was carried out: conscientiousness, diligence, perseverance and so on. And, finally, at the last stage (up to the eighth grade) in the structure of a student’s assessment of his work, such criteria as the degree of difficulty and problematic nature of the problem being solved, the independence and creativity shown in the process of solving it, and going beyond the given standards become decisive.
Leaving aside the ingenuity of the student, his finding independent ways completing a task, introducing elements of novelty, the teacher does not distinguish between role (in the sense of fulfilling the role of the student) and personal behavior in the child and thus does not use assessment with the aim of developing in children the personal and creative beginning of their educational work. Personality is not only formed, but also self-affirms in work. In cases where between own assessment achieved results and assessments of the same results by “significant others”, discrepancies emerge, the student begins to experience inferiority, which negatively affects general development his personality.
Teenage crisis At the age of 12–14 years, the psychological development of many children begins crucial moment, known as the “teenage crisis”. Outwardly, it manifests itself in the rudeness and deliberate behavior of a teenager, in the desire to act contrary to the wishes and demands of adults, in ignoring comments, isolation, etc. Teenagers, as a rule, pretend to be an adult. They are not satisfied with being treated like children; they want complete equality with adults, true respect. Other relationships humiliate and insult them.
School maladjustment in adolescence Adolescence is the most fraught with the occurrence of various disorders in children, including disorders of educational activity. In adolescents, the number of cases of psychogenic school maladjustment increases compared to younger schoolchildren. This is explained by a huge leap in the development of the psyche. Psychogenic school maladaptation of younger adolescents, as a rule, is associated with disruptions in the communication of schoolchildren with someone significant to them. Most often these are violationsin communication with peers. Communication with significant people is the source of various experiences. Negative experiences that arise when a teenager communicates with some people can be compensated by positive experiences that arise during communication with others. Therefore, conflicts with classmates often do not lead to psychogenic school maladaptation if the teenager compensates for his losses in satisfying communication with teachers or parents, also associated with school. The likelihood of maladaptation increases if the teenager is not given the opportunity for compensatory communication or if he finds it in an antisocial environment. On the other hand, satisfying communication with friends for a younger teenager is one of the best means compensation for violations of his communication in the family and with teachers.
Forms of negative attitudes of adolescents towards adults At the age of 12-13, ways to compensate for dissatisfaction with one’s position in the system of relationships with adults are usually the following: the desire to reduce the value of desired communication; desire for substitute activity; immersion in the world fantastic images; frustration in the form of aggression or withdrawal from communication. For older adolescents, such forms of negative attitude towards adults as the reaction of opposition (demonstrative actions of a negative nature), the reaction of refusal (failure to comply with demands), the reaction of isolation (the desire to avoid unwanted contacts) are more typical.
Overcoming conflicts between teenagers Mastering the norms of friendship is a child’s most important acquisition during adolescence. Overcoming conflicts between classmates lies in creating such objective conditions in the team, when every teenager is faced with the need to develop the qualities of a good friend. Gives good results Team work and the conflicting parties’ experience of success general activities. The organized activity must be meaningful for the team and correspond to the capabilities of the teenagers included in it.
Report “Insults: what is hidden behind them?”
Insults: what is hidden behind them?
Insults are poisoned arrows and can only be used against enemies, never against children. If we say: “What an ugly chair!” - nothing will happen to the chair. He feels neither insulted nor embarrassed. It stands where it was placed, regardless of the adjective that characterizes it. However, when a child is called clumsy, or stupid, or ugly, something happens to him. He suffers, gets angry, experiences hatred, a desire for revenge. In this regard, he also develops a feeling of guilt, which, in turn, leads to anxiety. This whole “chain reaction” makes the child and his parents unhappy.
When a child is constantly told: “How clumsy you are!” - he may answer for the first time: “Not at all!” But, in general, children listen to the opinions of their parents, and, in the end, the child himself will believe that he is clumsy. For example, he will fall during a game and say to himself: “How clumsy I am!” Then the child will begin to avoid active games that require dexterity, because from now on he is confident in his clumsiness.
When parents and teachers tell a child that he is stupid, he will eventually believe it and actually become a failure as a result.
Parental anger
Anger, like a simple runny nose, is a very pressing problem that cannot be ignored. We cannot always prevent manifestations of anger, although it usually arises in similar situations and develops, as it were, in a given sequence. It seems to us that anger always flares up unexpectedly, suddenly.
In anger, we seem to lose our minds: we treat children as if they were our enemies, insulting them, shouting and hitting them “below the belt”. When the outburst of rage passes, we realize our guilt and solemnly promise ourselves that it will not happen again. But soon the anger flares up again, and our good intentions are gone: we attack the children - those to whom we have devoted our entire lives from the moment they were born.
You should not make promises that you cannot keep: this will only add fuel to the fire. Anger is like a hurricane: you can’t escape it, but you need to be prepared for it.
In raising children, parental anger has a special place. In fact, if you don’t get angry at the right moment, the child will think that we turn a blind eye to his misdeed. Only those who have given up on their child exclude anger from the arsenal of educational means. Of course, you shouldn’t unleash an avalanche of anger on your child for no reason. He needs to be taught to understand when anger means a serious warning: “There is a limit to my patience.”
Parents must remember that anger costs them too much to throw thunder and lightning left and right. Anger should not increase during its manifestation. You need to express your anger in such a way that it brings some relief to the parents, a lesson to the child, but in no case does it cause harmful consequences. side effects neither for one nor for the other side.
The path to peace and quiet
First step . First of all, you need to name your feeling out loud. This will be a signal, a warning to everyone affected by this feeling: “Be careful! It's time to stop!”
- I'm very unhappy.
- I got angry.
If this does not help defuse the “thunderstorm,” move on.
Second step. We express our anger as its strength increases.
- I am angry.
- I'm very angry.
- I'm very, very angry.
- I'm angry.
Sometimes just expressing our feelings (without explanation) is enough for the child to comply. If this does not happen, you need to move on to the next stage.
Third step. Here you need to explain the reasons for your anger, name your reaction to events - in words and desired actions.
- When I see your shoes, socks, shirts and sweaters scattered all over the room, I start to get angry, I'm seriously angry! I want to open the window and throw it all right outside!
- I cooked a good lunch. In my opinion, he deserves praise, not contempt.
This approach allows parents to vent their anger without hurting anyone. Quite the opposite: children will see that anger can be expressed very calmly. The child must understand that his own anger is quite amenable to such “discharge.”
It would seem that there is no need to teach us this - we all know how to swear. And then we scold ourselves for a long time. But it turns out that criticism can also be both creative and destructive. Creative criticism is only an indication of what and how to do; there is no place in it for a negative assessment of the child’s personality.
Ten-year-old Pasha accidentally spilled a glass of milk at breakfast.
Mother: You’re not little anymore, but you don’t know how to hold a glass! How many times have I told you - be careful!
Father: He has always been clumsy, and will remain so.
Yes, Pasha spilled a glass of milk, but caustic ridicule is completely inappropriate here: it can cost parents much more - the loss of filial trust. This is not the time to tell your child what you think about him if he has done something wrong. In this case, only his action needs to be condemned, but not himself.
For example, in a situation with spilled milk, there is another way out - calmly give the child another glass of milk and a rag. Do not doubt - your son or daughter will be grateful to you for not starting a “showdown” and giving him the opportunity to correct his mistake himself.
Storm! A storm is coming soon!
In many families, quarrels between parents and children develop in a predetermined sequence. When a child does or says something wrong, the father and mother inevitably utter words that are offensive to him. Of course, children respond to them even more harshly. Parents start shouting and threatening - not far from spanking. And a thunderstorm breaks out in the house.
Nine-year-old Tolik was playing with a tea cup. Mother: You'll break it! This has already happened, and more than once! Tolik: No, I won’t break it. Then the cup fell on the floor and broke.
Mother: Those are hook hands! Soon you will break all the dishes in the house!
Tolik: You also have hook hands! You dropped your dad's electric razor and it broke.
Mother: How do you talk to your mother! Rude!
Tolik: You are a rude person yourself, you started it first!
Mother: Shut up now! And go to your room!
Tolik: I won’t go!
Driven to white heat, the mother grabbed her son and spanked him severely. Trying to free himself, Tolik pushed his mother away. She could not stay on her feet and, falling, broke the glass door, injuring her hand with fragments. At the sight of blood, Tolik got terribly scared and ran out of the house. They could not find him until late evening. It’s easy to imagine how worried the adults were.
It doesn’t matter whether Tolik has learned to handle dishes carefully. But he received a negative lesson - how not to behave with his mother. The problem is this: could it have been avoided by turning the situation differently?
Seeing her son playing with a cup, the mother could take it and put it in its place, and give the boy something else, for example a ball. Or when the cup has already broken, the mother could help her son clean up the shards by saying something like: “Cups break easily. Who would have thought that there would be so many fragments from this cup!” Surprised and delighted, Tolik would most likely immediately ask his mother for forgiveness for his action. And mentally he would have concluded: “Cups are not for playing.”
Parents need to help their children understand the difference between a simple nuisance and a tragedy or disaster. It often happens that parents themselves react to events inappropriately. But a broken watch is not a broken leg, a broken window is not broken heart! And you need to talk to children something like this:
I see you've lost your glove again. It's a shame, because it costs money. It’s sad, needless to say, although it’s not a tragedy. If your son has lost his glove, you shouldn’t lose it because of it good mood. If he tore his shirt, you should not tear your clothes in despair, like the heroes of ancient Greek tragedies.
