Abstract family education styles. Consultation on the topic: Parenting styles in the family.

Conclusion

Literature

Appendix No. 1

Maintaining

The influence of parents on a child's development is very great. Children growing up in an atmosphere of love and understanding have less problems health-related problems, difficulties with learning at school, communicating with peers, and vice versa, as a rule, a violation of parent-child relationships leads to the formation of various psychological problems and complexes.

For small child family is the whole world, in which he lives, acts, makes discoveries, learns to love, hate, rejoice, sympathize. Being a member of it, the child enters into certain relationships with parents, who can have both positive and negative influence on him. As a result, the child grows up either friendly, open, sociable, or anxious, rude, hypocritical, and deceitful.

It would seem that no one has the right to encroach on the traditional role of parents in raising their children, in choosing the forms and methods of parental educational influences. However, numerous cases of children being victims or facing the threat of death at the hands of their own parents are becoming Lately ordinary and cannot but cause alarm.

Cruel treatment of children today has become a common occurrence: up to 10% of victims of violence die, the rest develop deviations in physical, mental development, and in the emotional sphere. This not only causes irreparable harm to the child’s health, traumatizes his psyche, inhibits the development of his personality, but also entails other serious social consequences, creates socially maladaptive, infantile people who cannot work, are unable to create a healthy family, good parents. Currently, this has become a serious social and human problem.

The psychological and pedagogical literature presents a large number of works studying the types of attitudes of parents towards the child in connection with their influence on the development of his personality, character traits and behavior (Bowlby, 1988; Garbuzov, 1990; Zakharov, 1995; Ainsworth, 1963; etc. ).

They describe the qualities of a mother that contribute to the formation of a child’s strong and fragile attachment; the characteristics of an “optimal mother” or a “good enough mother” are identified, and various models of parental behavior are considered.

Convincing and demonstrative observations and studies are devoted to the influence of incorrect or disturbed parental relationships, for example, maternal deprivation (I. Landmeer, Z. Matejchik, 1985; E. T. Sokolova, 1981; D. Bowlby 1953; M. D. Ainsworth, 1964 ).

In domestic science and practice, child-parent relationships were studied by: A. Ya. Varga, V. V. Stolin, A. S. Spivakovskaya and others. Russian literature a broad classification of styles has been proposed family education adolescents with character accentuations and psychopathy, and also indicates what type of parental relationship contributes to the occurrence of a particular developmental anomaly (A. E. Lichko, 1979; E. G. Eidemiller, 1980).

From a review of the literature, it is clearly seen that a combination of heterogeneous factors leads to a disruption in the rate of mental development of a child. These factors are often in various combinations with each other, with the predominance of one or another type of deficiency and psychogenic influences. Highlighting the role of each of them is of practical interest, as it allows us to find more accurate diagnostic criteria for diagnosing the mental development of a child. The role of the family factor in comparison with the others, in our opinion, is of the greatest interest. This determined the relevance of the topic of this work.

Object of study– child-parent relationships.

Subject of study– family education styles.

Purpose of the study– study the influence of family upbringing characteristics on the development of the child.

Tasks:

Give a theoretical basis for this problem;

Describe parenting styles and

To experimentally show the influence of parental qualities on the development of a child

Hypothesis our work is that family relationships play a huge role in the development of the child. Parental relationships are a system of various feelings towards the child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, characteristics of perception and understanding of the character and personality of the child, his actions. And for the development of positive In child-parent relationships, adults must have a certain level of knowledge on the issue of upbringing and relationships with the child.

The work consists of an introduction, two chapters, a conclusion, and literature.

Chapter 1. Family like social institution formation of a child's personality

1.1. The role of the family in raising a child

The most important social function of the family is raising the younger generation. Family in modern society is considered as an institution of primary socialization of the child. Parenting has a sociocultural nature and is characterized by a system of norms and rules prescribed by culture and society that regulate the distribution of childcare and upbringing functions in the family among parents: determining the content of roles and models of role behavior. Parents are responsible to society for organizing a system of conditions that correspond to the age characteristics of the child at each stage of ontogenesis and provide optimal opportunities for his personal and mental development. In the history of parenthood, the tendency for the importance of the family institution to increase is becoming more and more obvious. Previously, responsibility for raising a child was assigned to society, while individual parenting covered only a relatively short period of the child’s childhood before he entered into adulthood. labor activity or the beginning of his social functions, but with a change in the tasks of socialization of the child within the framework of family education at each age stage of his development, the specific forms and means of educational influences and the nature of the child’s relationship with his parents also undergo changes.

The main tasks of the family are the formation of the child’s first social need - the need for social contact, basic trust in the world (E. Erikson) and attachment (J. Bowlby, M. Ainsworth) in infancy: Formation of subject-tool competence at an early age and social competence in preschool, cooperation and support in mastering the system scientific concepts and implementation of independent educational activities in junior school age; creating conditions for the development of autonomy and self-awareness in adolescence and young adulthood. Emotional richness and emotionally positive nature of interpersonal relationships, stability, duration and stability of interaction with a partner, joint activities and cooperation with an adult as a model of competence, social support and initiation to independent activity make the family a unique structure that provides the most favorable conditions for the personal and intellectual development of the child.

Each family objectively develops a certain system of upbringing that is not always conscious of it. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, the formulation of its tasks, and a more or less targeted application of methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. Four tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and four types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some family members (mainly adults) and the initiative and self-esteem of other family members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, many valuable personality traits are broken along with it: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one’s capabilities. Reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, systematically depriving him of the right to vote in resolving issues pertaining to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Family care is a system of relationships in which parents, while ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the child’s needs and protecting him from difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a group.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family where the leading type of relationship is cooperation gains special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

The style of family education and the values ​​accepted in the family are of great importance in the development of self-esteem.

Three styles of family education can be distinguished: - democratic - authoritarian - permissive (liberal).

In a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first. "Consent" style.

In an authoritarian style, parents impose their opinions on the child. "Suppression" style.

With a permissive style, the child is left to his own devices.

The schoolchild sees himself through the eyes of close adults who are raising him. If the family's assessments and expectations do not correspond to the child's age and individual characteristics, his self-image seems distorted.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of self-awareness of preschoolers depending on the characteristics of family upbringing. Children with an accurate idea of ​​themselves are raised in families where parents devote a lot of time to them; positively assess their physical and mental data, but do not consider their level of development higher than that of most peers; predict good performance at school. These children are often rewarded, but not with gifts; They are punished mainly by refusal to communicate. Children with a low self-image grow up in families that do not teach them, but demand obedience; they evaluate them low, often reproach them, punish them, sometimes in front of strangers; they are not expected to succeed in school or achieve significant achievements in later life.

A child’s adequate and inappropriate behavior depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family. Children who have low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child or set excessive goals for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of his parents. (Do not tell your child that he is ugly; this creates complexes that are then impossible to get rid of.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with inflated self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material rewards). The child is punished very rarely, the system of demands is very soft.

Adequate presentation - a flexible system of punishment and praise is needed here. Admiration and praise with him are excluded. Gifts are rarely given for actions. Extreme harsh punishments are not used. In families where children grow up with high, but not inflated, self-esteem, attention to the child’s personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy greater freedom at home, but this freedom, in essence, is a lack of control, a consequence of parents’ indifference to their children and to each other.

Parents also set the initial level of the child’s aspirations - what he aspires to in educational activities and relationships. Children with high level pretensions, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation, they only count on success. Their ideas about the future are equally optimistic. Children with low aspirations and low self-esteem do not aspire to much, either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities; they quickly come to terms with the level of performance that develops at the beginning of their studies.

The second option is demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention from others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned and “unloved” in the family. But it happens that the child receives enough attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the exaggerated need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected children, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even breaking the rules of behavior. (“It’s better to be scolded than not noticed”). The task of adults is to do without lectures and edifications, make comments as less emotionally as possible, not pay attention to minor offenses and punish for major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than careful attitude to an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is “escaping reality.” It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness in children is combined with anxiety. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are little noticeable, are afraid of causing disapproval with their behavior, and strive to fulfill the demands of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity and invisibility, which complicates already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage children to be active, pay attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

The extreme, most unfavorable cases for a child’s development are strict, total control during authoritarian upbringing and an almost complete lack of control when the child is left to his own devices, neglected. There are many intermediate options:

Parents regularly tell children what to do;

The child can express his opinion, but the parents do not listen to his voice when making a decision;

The child can make individual decisions himself, but must obtain the approval of the parents; parents and the child have almost equal rights when making decisions;

The decision is often made by the child himself;

The child himself decides whether to obey parental decisions or not.

Let us dwell on the most common styles of family education, which determine the characteristics of the child’s relationship with his parents and his personal development.

Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child’s behavior. They themselves give him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without infringing on his rights, they simultaneously require the fulfillment of duties. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable concern is usually not too annoying; he often listens to explanations of why one thing should not be done and another should be done. The formation of adulthood in such relationships takes place without any special experiences or conflicts.

Authoritarian parents demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not believe that they should explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all areas of life, and they can do this not entirely correctly. Children in such families usually become withdrawn, and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children of authoritarian parents adapt to the style family relations and become unsure of themselves and less independent.

The situation becomes more complicated if high demands and control are combined with an emotionally cold, rejecting attitude towards the child. A complete loss of contact is inevitable here.

An even more difficult case is indifferent and cruel parents. Children from such families rarely treat people with trust, experience difficulties in communication, and are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love.

The combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a lack of control - overprotection - is also an unfavorable option for family relationships. Children are allowed to do whatever they want; no one is interested in their affairs. Behavior becomes uncontrollable. And children, no matter how they rebel sometimes, need their parents as support; they need to see a model of adult, responsible behavior that they can follow.

Overprotection - excessive care for a child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact - leads to passivity, lack of independence, and difficulties in communicating with peers.

1.2. Parental parenting styles and attitudes.

Parental attitudes, or attitudes, are one of the most studied aspects of the parent-child relationship. Parental attitudes are understood as a system, or a set, of a parent’s emotional attitude towards a child, the parent’s perception of the child and ways of behaving with him. The concept of “parental style” or “parenting style” is often used synonymously with the concept of “position,” although it is more expedient to retain the term “style” to designate attitudes and corresponding behavior that are not associated specifically with a given child, but characterize the attitude towards children in general.

The style of family education should be understood as the most characteristic ways of parent-child relationships, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal address and interaction.

Clinically oriented literature describes an extensive phenomenology of parental relationships (positions), parenting styles, as well as their consequences - the formation of the child’s individual characterological characteristics within the framework of normal or deviant behavior. Observations and studies on the impact of improper or disturbed parental relationships are convincing and demonstrative. An extreme variant of disrupted parenting behavior is maternal deprivation. Lack of maternal care occurs as a natural result of living separately from a child, but, in addition, it often exists in the form of hidden deprivation, when a child lives in a family, but the mother does not care for him, treats him rudely, emotionally rejects him, and treats him indifferently. All this affects the child in the form of general mental development disorders. Often these disorders are irreversible.

Thus, children raised in children's institutions without maternal care and affection are characterized by a lower intellectual level, emotional immaturity, disinhibition, and flattenedness. They are also characterized by increased aggressiveness in relationships with peers, lack of selectivity and constancy in emotional attachment to adults (“sticky”, quickly become attached to any person, but just as quickly lose the habit). The long-term consequences of maternal deprivation manifest themselves at the level of personality distortions. In this regard, the variant of psychopathic development described for the first time by D. Bowlby with the leading radical in the form of emotional insensitivity - inability to emotional attachment and love, lack of a sense of community with other people, global rejection of oneself and the world of social relations - attracts attention. Another variant of distorted development in its phenomenology corresponds to the classic type of “neurotic personality” - with low self-esteem, increased anxiety, dependence, obsessive fear of losing the object of attachment. But not only gross violations of parental behavior affect the course of the child’s mental development. Different styles The care and treatment of a child, starting from the first days of his life, is formed by certain features of his psyche and behavior.

S. Brody identified four types of maternal relationships.

1. Mothers of the first type easily and organically adapted to the needs of the child. They are characterized by supportive, permissive behavior. Interestingly, the most revealing test of a particular maternal style was the mother’s reaction to toilet training her child. Mothers of the first type did not set themselves the task of accustoming their child to neatness skills by a certain age. They waited for the child to “mature” himself.

2. Mothers of the second type consciously tried to adapt to the needs of the child. The not always successful implementation of this desire introduced tension into their behavior and a lack of spontaneity in communicating with the child. They dominated rather than conceded.

3. Mothers of the third type did not show much interest in the child. The basis of motherhood was a sense of duty. There was almost no warmth and no spontaneity in the relationship with the child. As the main tool of education, such mothers used strict control, for example, they consistently and sternly tried to accustom their one and a half year old child to the skills of neatness.

4. Mothers of the fourth type of behavior are characterized by inconsistency. They behaved inappropriately for the age and needs of the child, made many mistakes in upbringing, and did not understand their child well. Their direct educational influences, as well as the reaction to the same actions of the child, were contradictory.

According to S. Brody, the fourth style of motherhood turns out to be the most harmful for the child, since the constant unpredictability of maternal reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability in the world around him and provokes increased anxiety. While a sensitive, accepting mother (of the first type), who accurately and timely responds to all the demands of a small child, seems to create in him an unconscious confidence that he can control the actions of others and achieve his goals.

If the mother’s attitude is dominated by rejection, ignoring the child’s needs due to absorption in her own affairs and experiences, the child develops a feeling of danger, unpredictability, uncontrollability of the environment, minimal personal responsibility for its changes in the direction of ensuring a comfortable existence. A lack of parental responsiveness to the child’s needs contributes to a feeling of “learned helplessness,” which subsequently often leads to apathy and even depression, avoidance of new situations and contacts with new people, and lack of curiosity and initiative.

The described types of parental (primarily maternal) relationships are largely initiated by the infant himself, namely by the need to satisfy the basic needs for affiliation (joining) and security. All of them can be located on the “acceptance-rejection” continuum. It is possible to distinguish more complex types of parental attitude, addressed to an older child (3-6 years), where the parameter of educational control begins to act as an important socializing moment.

A. Baldwin identified two styles of parenting practice - democratic and controlling.

The democratic style is determined by the following parameters: a high level of verbal communication between children and parents; inclusion of children in the discussion family problems, taking into account their opinions; the willingness of parents to come to the rescue if necessary, while at the same time believing in the success of the child’s independent activities; limiting one’s own subjectivity in the child’s vision.

The controlling style includes significant restrictions on children's behavior: a clear and clear explanation to the child of the meaning of the restrictions, the absence of disagreements between parents and children regarding disciplinary measures.

It turned out that in families with a democratic upbringing style, children were characterized by a moderately pronounced ability for leadership, aggressiveness, and a desire to control other children, but the children themselves were difficult to succumb to external control. The children also showed good physical development, social activity, ease of contact with peers, but they were not characterized by altruism, sensitivity and empathy.

Children of parents with a controlling type of upbringing were obedient, suggestible, fearful, not too persistent in achieving their own goals, and non-aggressive. With a mixed parenting style, children are characterized by suggestibility, obedience, emotional sensitivity, non-aggression, lack of curiosity, lack of originality of thinking, and poor imagination.

In a series of studies, D. Boumrin tried to overcome the descriptiveness of previous works by isolating a set of child traits associated with the factor of parental control. Three groups of children were identified.

Competent - with a consistently good mood, self-confident, with well-developed self-control of their own behavior, the ability to establish friendly relationships with peers, striving to explore rather than avoid new situations.

Avoidants - with a predominance of a gloomy-sad mood, difficult to establish contacts with peers, avoiding new and frustrating situations.

Immature - unsure of themselves, with poor self-control, with refusal reactions in frustrating situations.

The author also identified four parameters of changes in parental behavior that are responsible for the described patterns of child traits.

Parental control: with a high score on this parameter, parents prefer to have a great influence on their children, are able to insist on the fulfillment of their demands, and are consistent in them. Controlling actions are aimed at modifying the manifestations of dependence in children, aggressiveness, developing play behavior, as well as more successfully assimilating parental standards and norms.

The second parameter is parental requirements that encourage children to develop maturity; parents try to ensure that children develop their abilities in the intellectual, emotional spheres, interpersonal communication, and insist on the need and right of children to independence and autonomy.

The third parameter is methods of communication with children during educational influences: parents with a high score on this indicator strive to use persuasion in order to achieve obedience, justify their point of view and at the same time are ready to discuss it with their children, listen to their arguments. Parents with a low score do not clearly and unambiguously express their demands and dissatisfaction or irritation, but more often resort to indirect methods - complaining, screaming, swearing.

The fourth parameter is emotional support: parents are able to express sympathy, love and warmth, their actions and emotional attitude are aimed at promoting the physical and spiritual growth of children, they feel satisfaction and pride from the children's success. It turned out that the complex of traits of competent children corresponds to the presence of all four dimensions in the parental attitude - control, demands for social maturity, communication and emotional support, i.e. the optimal condition for upbringing is a combination of high demands and control with democracy and acceptance. Parents of avoidant and immature children have lower levels of all parameters than parents of competent children. In addition, parents of avoidant children are characterized by a more controlling and demanding attitude, but less warm than parents of immature children. The latter's parents turned out to be absolutely incapable of controlling their children's behavior due to their own emotional immaturity.

From the analysis of the literature, it follows that the most common mechanism for the formation of a child’s characterological traits responsible for self-control and social competence is the internalization of the means and skills of control used by parents. At the same time, adequate control involves a combination of emotional acceptance with a high volume of requirements, their clarity, consistency and consistency in presentation to the child. Children with adequate parental practices are characterized by good adaptation to the school environment and communication with peers, are active, independent, proactive, friendly and empathic.

V.I. Garbuzov and his co-authors identified three types of improper education practiced by parents of children with neuroses. Type A parenting (rejection, emotional rejection) - rejection of the child’s individual characteristics, attempts to “improve”, “correct” the innate type of reaction, combined with strict control, regulation of the child’s entire life, with the imperative imposition of the only “correct” type of behavior on him. IN in some cases rejection can manifest itself in extreme form - actual abandonment of the child, placement in a boarding school, psychiatric hospital, etc. In our practical work, we noted such an attitude among single mothers raising their own or adopted children, in families where a child was born “accidentally” ”or “at the wrong time”, during periods of domestic unsettlement and marital conflicts. Along with strict control of upbringing, type A can be combined with a lack of control, indifference to the child’s life routine, and complete connivance.

Type B (hypersocializing) upbringing is expressed in parents’ anxious and suspicious concentration on the child’s health, his social status among comrades; and especially at school, expecting success in school and future professional activity. Such parents strive for multidisciplinary education and development of the child ( foreign languages, drawing, music, figure skating, technical and sports clubs, etc.), however, they do not take into account or underestimate the real psychophysical characteristics and limitations of the child.

Type B education (egocentric) - “family idol”, “small”, “only”, “meaning of life” - cultivating the attention of all family members on the child, sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members.

The most pathogenic effect of improper upbringing is in adolescence, when the basic needs of this period of development are frustrated - the needs for autonomy, respect, self-determination, achievement, along with the remaining, but already more developed need for support and inclusion (the family “we”).

In the domestic literature, a broad classification of styles of family education of adolescents has been proposed; with character accentuations and psychopathy, and also indicates what type of parental relationship contributes to the occurrence of a particular developmental anomaly.

1. Hypoprotection: lack of care and control over behavior, sometimes reaching complete neglect; More often it manifests itself as a lack of attention and care to the physical and spiritual well-being of a teenager, affairs, interests, and concerns. Hidden hypoprotection is observed with formally present control, a real lack of warmth and care, and lack of involvement in the child’s life. This type of upbringing is especially unfavorable for adolescents with accentuations of unstable and conformist types, provoking antisocial behavior- running away from home, vagrancy, idle lifestyle. This type of psychopathic development may be based on frustration of the need for love and belonging, emotional rejection of the teenager, and non-inclusion in the family community.

2. Dominant hyperprotection: keen attention and care for the teenager is combined with petty control, an abundance of restrictions and prohibitions, which increases lack of independence, lack of initiative, indecisiveness, and inability to stand up for oneself. It is especially pronounced in adolescents with psychasthenic sensitive and asthenoneurotic accentuations. In hyperthymic adolescents, this attitude of parents evokes a feeling of protest against disrespect for his “I” and sharply enhances the reactions of emancipation.

3. Indulging hyperprotection: upbringing according to the “family idol” type, indulging all the desires of the child, excessive patronage and adoration, resulting in an unreasonably high level of a teenager’s aspirations, an unbridled desire for leadership and superiority, combined with insufficient perseverance and reliance on one’s own resources. Promotes the formation of psychopathy of the hysteroid circle.

4. Emotional rejection: ignoring the needs of a teenager, often cruelly treating him. Hidden emotional rejection manifests itself in global dissatisfaction with the child, the constant feeling of the parents that he is not “the one”, not “like that”, for example, “he is not courageous enough for his age, forgives everyone and everything, you can walk on him.” Sometimes it is masked by exaggerated care and attention, but it reveals itself as irritation, a lack of sincerity in communication, an unconscious desire to avoid close contacts, and, on occasion, to somehow free oneself from a burden. Emotional rejection is equally harmful for all children, but it affects their development differently: for example, with hyperthymic and epileptoid accentuations, reactions of protest and emancipation are more pronounced; hysterics exaggerate children's reactions to opposition, schizoids withdraw into themselves, go into the world of autistic dreams, unstable ones find an outlet in teenage companies.

5. Increased moral responsibility: demands for uncompromising honesty, a sense of duty, decency that do not correspond to the age and real capabilities of the child, placing responsibility on the teenager for the life and well-being of loved ones, persistent expectations great success in life - all this is naturally combined with ignoring the child’s real needs, his own interests, and insufficient attention to his psychophysical characteristics. As our experience in advisory work testifies, in the conditions of such upbringing, a teenager is forcibly assigned the status of “head of the family” with all the ensuing demands for the care and guardianship of a “mother-child”. Adolescents with psychasthenic and sensitive accentuations, as a rule, cannot withstand the burden of overwhelming responsibility, which leads to the formation of protracted obsessive-phobic neurotic reactions or decompensation of the psychasthenic type. In adolescents with hysterical accentuation, the object of care soon begins to provoke hatred and aggression, for example, an older child towards a younger one.

1. The mother’s attitude towards her teenage son as a “replacement” husband: the demand for active attention to herself, care, an obsessive desire to be constantly in the company of her son, to be aware of him intimate life, the desire to limit his contacts with peers. Mothers complain about the lack of contact with their son, his desire to isolate himself from her, his “contempt.” In a less crude form, such an attitude, as already indicated, results in assigning the teenager the status of “head of the family.”

2. Overprotection and symbiosis: an obsessive desire to hold and tie a child to oneself, to deprive him of his independence for fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future (the “smart Elsa” complex). In this case, understatement of the child’s real abilities and potentials leads parents to maximum control and restrictions, the desire to do everything for him, to protect him from the dangers of life, to “live life for the child” (V.I. Zakharov, 1982), which essentially means “crossing out” the real child, stagnation of the child’s development, regression and fixation on primitive forms communication for the sake of ensuring symbiotic connections with him.

3. Educational control through deliberate deprivation of love: unwanted behavior (for example, disobedience), insufficient school achievements or carelessness in everyday life are punished by demonstrating to the child or adolescent that “they don’t need him like that, mom doesn’t like him like that.” At the same time, parents do not directly express dissatisfaction with the child, the unacceptability of such behavior, and do not clearly demonstrate the negative feelings that they experience in connection with the child’s bad behavior. They don’t talk to him, they pointedly ignore him, speaking about the child in the third person - as if he were absent. In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude gives rise to a powerless feeling of rage and anger, outbursts of destructive aggression, behind which there is a desire to prove one’s existence, to penetrate the family “we” right through; the parent then goes to peace out of fear of aggression or, through retaliatory aggression (slaps, blows), tries to overcome the wall of alienation he himself created. Such behavior of parents in sensitive children gives rise to a deep feeling of their own uselessness and loneliness. In an effort to return parental love, a teenager is forced to over-limit his own individuality, sacrificing self-esteem, depriving himself of his own “I”. Obedience is achieved at the cost of devaluing the “I” and maintaining primitive attachment.

4. Educational control by inducing feelings of guilt: a child who violates the ban is branded by his parents as “ungrateful”, “betraying parental love”, “causing his mother so much grief”, “leading to heart attacks”, etc. (a special case of the described higher than education in conditions of increased moral responsibility). The development of independence is constrained by the teenager’s constant fear of being to blame for the troubles of his parents and relationships of dependence.

1.3. Communication between parents and children as determinants of child development.

We will try to identify and analyze such forms of family communication in which the mutual contribution of both parents and child in initiating and maintaining the style of interaction, resulting in the formation of behavior, characterological characteristics and self-awareness of the child, is clearly manifested.

L. Benjamin made a significant contribution to the development of the problem of the influence of parental behavior and relationships on the child’s behavior. The model of relationships in the “parent-child” dyad developed by her and well experimentally substantiated allows not only to characterize the behavior of each of them, but also to take into account the existing type of relationship. According to this model, the relationship between parental behavior and child behavior is not clear-cut: a child can react to the same parental behavior in at least two ways. Thus, he can respond to parental behavior “additionally,” i.e., with an initiative to provide independence, by running away from pursuit, but he can also respond to parental behavior “defensively” - for example, in response to rejection, the child may try to behave with parents as if they loved him and were attentive to him, and thereby, as it were, inviting his parents to change their behavior towards him.

Following the logic of this model, we can assume that a child, growing up, begins to behave towards other people in the same way as his parents behaved towards him. In the study, L. Benjamin also specifically examines the issue of the relationship between the child’s self-awareness (as a form of self-regulation) and the parent’s attitude towards the child: this connection is revealed as introjection (transfer inside) of the parental attitude and ways of managing the child’s behavior. So, for example, shaming a child can be transformed in his self-awareness into a tendency to self-accusation, the dominance of parents in relationships with him is transformed into an orientation to be the master of himself, cruel self-leadership.

According to the method, i.e., according to how the “interiorization” of the child’s self-awareness occurs, several types of communication can be distinguished: 1) direct or indirect (through behavior) instillation by parents of an image or self-attitude; 2) indirect determination of the child’s self-attitude through the formation of his standards for performing certain actions, the formation of the level of aspirations; 3) control over the child’s behavior, in which the child learns the parameters and methods of self-control; 4) indirect control of the formation of self-awareness by involving the child in behavior that can increase or decrease his self-esteem and change his self-image.

An analysis of the complaints and problems that parents address shows that the most important features identified by parents in the child and at the same time acting as the object of their suggestive influence are: 1) strong-willed qualities the child, his ability to self-organize and determination; 2) discipline, which in the parental interpretation often turns into obedience, 3) the child’s subordination to parental authority; 4) interests, primarily in studies; 5) abilities - intelligence, memory.

The image and self-esteem instilled in a child can be both positive (the child is taught that he is responsible, kind, smart, capable) and negative (rude, stupid, incapable).

R. Langs, analyzing the relationship between parents and children in such families, introduced the concept of “mystification” - instilling in children what they need, who they are, what they believe. One of the forms of mystification is attribution, which, in turn, is subdivided into attributing “weakness” to the child (for example, illness, inability to find a way out on his own). difficult situations) and “badness” (baseness, immorality). Another form of mystification is invalidation - forced devaluation of the child’s points of view, his plans, intentions, interests.

An analysis of “My Child” essays written by parents experiencing difficulties in raising children provides many examples of various attributions and invalidations.

Of course, negative statements by parents about their children, at least partially, may have a real “ground” in the behavior or character traits of the child, however, translated into his self-awareness in the form of “calling a spade a spade” parental “sentences”, these parental “sentences” opinions and assessments begin to determine the child’s self-awareness from the inside. The child either agrees with this opinion (consciously or unconsciously) or begins to fight against it.

Explicit, verbal, suggestive influences sometimes contradict indirect influences. For example, a parent may claim that the child is dear to him and he values ​​him, but demonstrate the opposite through his behavior. In this case, a situation called a “double bind” arises, which has negative consequences for the formation of the child’s self-awareness.

Parents and other adults can influence the formation of a child’s “I-image” and self-esteem, not only by instilling in him their own image the child and his attitude towards him, but also “arming” the child with specific assessments and standards for performing certain actions, specific and more general goals to strive for, ideals and standards to follow, plans to be implemented. If these goals, plans, standards and assessments are realistic, then, by achieving the goal, implementing the plans, satisfying the standards, the child or adolescent, as well as subsequently the adult, increases self-esteem and forms a positive “I-image”, but if the plans and goals are unrealistic , standards and requirements are too high, i.e. both exceed the capabilities and strengths of the subject, then failure leads to loss of faith in oneself, loss of self-esteem.

1.4. Socio-psychological personality types of a child that correspond to a certain type of family upbringing

V.M. Miniyarov identifies the following seven main characterological properties of a child’s personality, which follow from the deterministic upbringing scenario that develops under the influence social factors and means of pedagogical influence and which E. Bern spoke about in his time.

The typical personality portraits obtained during diagnostics differ from the proposed options in foreign and domestic psychological literature. The diagnosis proposed by Miniyarov studies deviations in the norm from the harmonious type of personality that has always been the ideal of education.

Table 1. Main types of relationships and their combination with personality type and parenting styles.

V.M. Miniyarov identified the following extreme variants of family education styles and characterized the corresponding seven socio-psychological personality types of the child

Sympathetic style

The child is left to his own devices permanent employment parents. Parents use neither punishment nor rewards. They love the child, but never spoil them. They share all the hardships of life with him, but whenever possible they strive to protect him from overload, both physical and psychological. They are characterized by a personal example of moral behavior, as well as teaching a child moral behavior from the mistakes of others. They don’t read long lectures; all they need to do is look at them reproachfully, put them to shame, and make them upset. They have a positive attitude towards the superiority in the child’s actions of rational actions rather than emotions.

Introverted personality type of a child

Sensitive, attentive, truthful, honest, polite, balanced, calm, modest, shy, simple-minded, easy to communicate with people, patient, efficient, prone to physical labor, responsible, self-critical.

Permissive style

The child is given uncontrolled freedom of action. Parents are completely indifferent to the needs and demands of the child and satisfy only those that can be satisfied at the expense of other people. When teaching how to comply with rules and requirements, parents act situationally and do not know the extent of either encouragement or punishment. Inconsistent in expressing their feelings towards the child. The child is free to choose forms of behavior, but in public he must formally observe the rules of decency. The child’s mental activity is mainly associated with the search and expectation of possible pleasure.

Conformal type

Dishonest, boastful, cunning, resourceful, lacks sensitivity to people, extracts personal gain from everything, stingy, greedy, demanding only of others, sneaking, tendency to gossip, slander, indifference, external politeness, lust for power, indifference to the immoral actions of others, sycophancy , dishonesty.

Competitive style

Parents look for something unusual, outstanding, and different from other children in their child’s actions. If successful, the child can be rewarded both with enthusiastic epithets and financially. They teach you not to give up your won positions. Parents care little about the human qualities of the child, the main thing is how he should look in society. Moral standards are only for the purpose of feeling comfortable among people and standing out as favorably as possible. They monitor the intellectual development of children, teaching them to demonstrate their intellectual capabilities, to search for the moment of their manifestation, and not to think deeply.

Dominant type

Self-confident, arrogant, selfish, exaggerates his capabilities, indifference to the interests of the team, focus on own protection and all this with high manifestation motor activity.

Reasonable style

They provide the child with complete freedom of action so that the child, through independent trial and error, acquires personal experience. They patiently talk and answer all the questions the child has. They believe that it is possible to do without external incentives for children to become more active. Relationships are smooth and calm throughout. They strictly ensure that the child’s dignity is never diminished. Parents discuss every action of the child with him. The absence of punishment does not create fear in children, but a desire not to harm others. Parents talk a lot and answer the child’s questions, support persistent interest and curiosity, present Interesting Facts for the child to understand.

Sensitive type

Sensitive, conscientious, sociable. Self-control and self-confidence are characteristic. It has average values ​​for the qualities: intelligence, risk-taking, anxiety and low values ​​for the qualities: excitement, dominance, social courage, tension.

Warning style

Parents believe that the child should not act independently. The child is completely deprived of active activity and is passive, constantly entertained by his parents. This restriction is due to the parents’ fear for the child. Never in preschool age They do not punish; on the contrary, they feel guilty before the child if he is capricious. The immense love of parents for their child pushes them onto the most sophisticated path of endless manifestation of love and affection. Permissiveness and indulgence reign, and all pranks are forgiven to the child.

Infantile type

Lack of independence, incapable of making decisions, acts only on someone else’s instructions, indifferent and cold, indifferent and indifferent to the difficulties and problems of the family, team, helpless, cautious, restrained in actions and words, executive subject to control, passive, irresponsible, not self-confident, disorganized, undisciplined, lacking initiative.

Controlling style

Parents have limited freedom of action, strictly controlling the child’s actions beyond the boundaries of parental ideas. They often punish for incorrect behavior, starting with a commanding tone, moving on to shouting, putting them in a corner, punishment with a belt, a ban on satisfying the child’s needs, believing that for the same offense the punishment should constantly increase. They caress the child very rarely and generally place high demands on him. “The child is a target”, on whom all the cones fall.

Anxious type

Hot-tempered, suspicious and cautious in relationships with people, impatient, conscientious, with low self-esteem, strives to help a friend. Protects his comrades and his loved ones. Focus on personal protection, demanding of others, lack of self-confidence, negative attitude towards criticism, lack of initiative.

Harmonious style

It is a synthesis of previous parenting styles, incorporating the best that is described in previous parenting styles.

The emergence and development of certain type human behavior throughout life.

Therefore, parents play a large and responsible role in the life of every person. They provide the first examples of behavior. The child imitates and strives to be like his mother and father. When parents understand that the formation of the child’s personality largely depends on them, they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior as a whole contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values ​​that they want to convey to him. This process of education can be considered quite conscious, since

as constant control over one’s behavior, attitude towards other people, attention to the organization family life allows children to be raised in the most favorable conditions conducive to their comprehensive and harmonious development.

Chapter 2. Psychological – pedagogical work on the study and correction of child-parent relationships

2.1. Diagnosis of child-parent relationships in the family

Purpose: to study the features of the development of parent-child relationships in the family

1. Determine the level of knowledge and ideas among parents about the tasks, content and methods of raising children.

2. Determine satisfaction with your position in the child’s family.

3. Find out the parental attitude towards the child.

The research methodology consisted of two groups of methods. The first group of methods is aimed at studying the child’s position in the family.

When working with children we used the following methods:

drawing test “Kinetic Family Drawing” (R. Burns and S. Koufman);

“Unfinished sentences” technique.

The second group of methods is aimed at identifying parents’ knowledge about the child and studying parental relationships with children. When working with parents, we used the following methods:

Questionnaire;

Testing: “Parental attitude towards children” (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin).

The study was conducted on the basis of preschool educational institution No. 23 in Maikop. We examined 30 children of senior preschool age and their families.

We began our work by examining children. For this purpose, we used the R. Burns and S. Koufman “Kinetic Family Drawing” test.

Goal: - study of interpersonal relationships in the family (through the eyes of a child);

Identifying relationships in the family that cause anxiety in the child.

Methodology:

The child is offered a sheet of paper and pencils. A condition is set: you need to draw your family so that its members are busy with something

Formative features are considered to be the quality of the image: careful drawing or carelessness in drawing individual family members, the colorfulness of the image, the position of objects on the sheet, shading, size.

The analysis of the results of the drawings was carried out according to the following indicators:

1. Children have concerns about the attitude of adults towards them.

2.Emotional stress and distance.

3.Discomfort.

4. The presence of hostility towards adults.

Based on these indicators, the levels of influence of family relationships on the child were identified.

A high level of parent-child relationships includes drawings where the child is comfortable in the family, all family members are present in the drawing, and in the center of the drawing is the child himself surrounded by his parents; depicts himself and his parents as elegant, carefully draws every line, there is a smile on the faces of adults and children, calmness can be seen in poses and movements.

Average level of child-parent relationships: absence of any family member, presence of anxiety, the child draws himself sad, away from his parents, presence of hostility towards adults through shading of details, absence of some parts of the body (hands, mouth).

Low level of child-parent relationships: the presence of one of the parents with an object that threatens the child (belt), a frightened expression on the child’s face, a feeling emotional stress through the use of dark colors in the drawing.

The presence of hostility towards parents can be traced through the drawing of such details as spread arms, splayed fingers, bared mouth, etc.

Analysis of the drawings showed that out of 30 families, only 9 families (30%) can be classified as having a high level of parent-child relationships.

As an example, let's look at a few pictures. Nastya S. places herself in the center, surrounded by her father and mother. He portrays himself and his parents as cheerful and happy, he draws all the lines clearly, there are many colors in the drawing. All this indicates well-being in parent-child relationships.

The drawing by Gali K. shows the whole family at dinner. There are smiles on the faces of adults and children, the lines are clearly drawn, and calmness can be seen in the poses of adults and children. The picture shows that the girl in this family is comfortable and cozy.

15 families (50%) can be classified as having an average level of parent-child relationships. As an example, consider a drawing by Artyom S. The child drew the whole family, all family members are smiling, except Artyom himself (he has no mouth at all). Everyone's arms are spread out to the sides. Everything suggests that the child is not very comfortable in this family.

We classified 6 families (20%) as having a low level of parent-child relationships. Let's take as an example a drawing by Igor R. The boy depicted only himself and his dad; they are quite distant from each other, which speaks of a feeling of rejection. In addition, dad takes a rather aggressive position: his farts are spread out to the sides, his fingers are long and emphasized. Mom is missing from the picture. Analyzing this drawing, one can understand that the child is not satisfied with his position in the family and the attitude of his parents towards him.

After the children drew a family, we proposed a number of questions, the answers to which allowed us to identify the reasons that cause anxiety in children in the system of parent-child relationships:

Physical punishment;

Lack of communication with parents;

Unfavorable family situation (alcoholism of one of the parents);

Communicate with your child in a raised voice.

The test results are presented in Diagram 1.

Diagram 1.

Legend:

Based on the results of this test, we can judge that not all families have an atmosphere of positive parent-child relationships. Basically they are variable in nature.

So, we identified 6 children who were not satisfied with their position in the family. 15 children often experience discomfort, although they are satisfied.

As a result of previous diagnostics, we assumed that these children were not satisfied with their relationships with their parents.

“Unfinished sentences” technique.

Purpose: To obtain additional information about the attitude of parents towards children and children towards parents, to identify the reasons that cause anxiety in children.

Methodology:

Children are asked to complete a series of sentences without pre-thinking. The survey is conducted at a fast pace so that the child answers the first thing that comes to mind (Appendix 1).

The results of this survey helped us identify children's attitudes towards their parents. Positive relationships are observed in 9 children (30%).

So, Sveta V. answered: “My dad is very cheerful,” “My mom and I love to cook”; Seryozha A.: “My mother is kind”, “My dad and I play with construction sets”; Stas V.: “My mother kisses me.”

6 children (20%) experience negative relationships.

So, Vadim K. answered: “I think that my mother rarely hugs me; Igor R.:

“My mother swears”; Artem A.: “I feel happy when my dad leaves.”

In 50% of cases, children sometimes experience emotional discomfort in the family. So, Anya S. explained: “My dad and I never play,” “Mom and I like to go for walks.”

Good relationships developed in 9 families (30%): Nastya S., Denis P., Alyosha K., Polina K., Sveta V., Seryozha A., Stas V., Katya P., Natasha B.

So, Denis P. said: “When mom and dad leave home, I miss you”; Katya P.: “I play at home with mom and dad. They love me."

In 21 families (70%) children are not satisfied with their relationship with both parents or with one of them. Ruslan M.: “When I play noisily, dad yells at me”; Anya K.: “My mother often punishes me for not playing with my brother”; Igor R.: “When mom and dad leave home, I’m afraid to be alone.”

Based on the results of our research, we identified the reasons that cause anxiety in a child:

Fear of physical punishment;

Fear of being left at home alone;

Lack of parental affection;

Screams from parents for misbehavior.

These manifestations were observed in the responses of 21 children (70%). Of these, 15 (50%) had some causes of anxiety. In 6 children (20%) all these reasons were noted, and only in 9 (30%) cases anxiety was not observed.

Based on the results of this technique, we can conclude that in many families children experience anxiety in relationships with their parents, and there is no mutual understanding between them.

To survey parents, a 10-question questionnaire was developed (Appendix No. 1).

Purpose: to identify the level of knowledge and ideas among parents about raising a six-year-old child.

Methodology:

Parents were asked to answer questions that allowed us to determine their level of knowledge. Processing of the results showed that out of 30 parents, only four (13%) have enough complete knowledge about raising children of the sixth year of life. For example, Gali K.’s mother knows how to properly raise a child, what needs to be done for this, how to build a relationship with a child, and regulate her emotional attitude and behavior.

Twenty people (67%) have insufficient knowledge about the child and highlight one aspect or another in his upbringing.

Three parents (10%) have partial, fragmentary knowledge about the child and his upbringing. And three parents (10%) completely refused to answer, which indicates their lack of knowledge on this issue.

Thus, we state that most parents do not have a sufficient level of knowledge about the characteristics of their child’s age, about the forms, methods, and methods of education.

To identify parental attitudes towards children, a test questionnaire of parental attitudes by A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin.

Purpose: to study the identification of parental attitudes towards children.

Methodology:

Parents were offered forms with questions (61 questions). Each question had either a positive or a negative answer.

The basis for the assessment was the key to the questionnaire, which made it possible to identify the level of parental relationships.

In our opinion, the most optimal level of parental relations is cooperation - this is a socially desirable way of parental behavior. The parent highly appreciates the abilities of his child, feels a sense of pride in him, encourages initiative and independence, and tries to be on an equal footing with him.

The neutral level includes relationships of the “symbiosis” and “little loser” types. The parent sees his child younger than his real age, strives to satisfy his needs, protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life, and does not provide him with independence.

We classified the type of parental relationships as rejection and “authoritarian hypersocialization” as a negative level of parental relationships. The parent perceives his child as bad, unadapted. Requires unconditional obedience and discipline from him. For the most part, he feels anger, irritation, and annoyance towards the child.

Having analyzed the parents' answers, we received the following picture of parental attitude towards children: Optimal parental attitude towards the child is observed in 10 families (33%). 14 families (47%) can be classified as neutral level. Parental relationships that are negative character, appear in six families (20%).

Based on the results of this technique, we see that most families use ineffective relationships with the child, which leads to an increase in anxiety in children.

Comparing the data from this technique and the results of tests aimed at examining children, we found that violations in parental relationships with children affect their emotional condition, in particular, on the manifestation of anxiety.

Thus, as a result of the study, summarizing the results obtained, we identified the levels of parent-child relationships in the family. The criteria for determining the levels of parent-child relationships for us were:

· children's relationships with parents;

· parental knowledge about raising a child;

· parental relationships with children.

High level - characterized by a sufficient amount of knowledge and ideas of the parent about raising a child. The child feels comfortable and cozy in the family. Parents respect their child, approve of his interests and plans, try to help him in everything, encourage his initiative and independence.

Average level - characterized by an insufficient amount of knowledge and ideas of the parent about raising a child. Parents violate relationships with children, the child feels lonely, they do not provide him with independence.

Low level – characterized by parents’ ignorance of raising children. The child is not satisfied with his marital status, experiences increased anxiety. Parents perceive their child as bad, unadapted, unsuccessful, and experience irritability and resentment towards the child.

Legend:

Low level (6 children)

The results of our study showed that average and low levels in the development of parent-child relationships cause Special attention, since there are certain disturbances in the relationships between parents and children that affect the development of anxiety in children.

In our opinion, the reasons that led to an increase in anxiety in children are that:

parents do not have a complete understanding of raising a child;

the child does not feel cozy and comfortable in the family (he is not satisfied with his position in the family);

children grow up in conditions of shortage of kindness, affection, love; afraid of punishment;

there is an unfavorable situation in the family; overprotectiveness.

To overcome anxiety in children caused by disturbances in parent-child relationships, we have drawn up a program aimed at correcting them.

2.2. Corrective work to overcome anxiety in children in the system of child-parent relations

The purpose of the correction program:

creation of psychological and pedagogical conditions for overcoming anxiety in children through the correction of child-parent relationships;

testing effective forms of work with parents aimed at improving pedagogical literacy.

Formation of knowledge about the psychological and pedagogical characteristics of a child of the sixth year of life.

Formation of positive relationships between parents and children.

Correction of anxiety in children in the system of parent-child relationships.

The correctional program was aimed at working with parents and children. The content of the work was implemented through a number of stages:

· propaedeutic;

· introductory;

· developing;

· control and evaluation.

At the formative stage, 20 parents and 20 children took part in the study (content correctional work indicated in table 3).

CORRECTIONAL WORK PROGRAM

Progress of correction work:

The first stage, aimed at establishing friendly relations with parents and children, began with acquaintance. The presenter said his name and talked about himself and invited the others to do the same. During the games, not all parents and children were relaxed. Igor M.’s mother gave up the game altogether.

The overall impression of the lesson for parents and children is positive.

At the second stage, parents were more active and listened with interest to the lecture about psychological characteristics children of six years of age. They noted the relevance of this topic. Watching the film caused an emotional response, many parents looked at their children with different eyes.

Conducted Parent meeting helped many parents understand that they are raising their children the same way they once raised themselves, and realized their mistakes in upbringing.

Children also took an active part in the conversations. Everyone was happy to talk about the holidays they celebrate with their families. Most children love “ New Year” and “Birthday”. Ruslan M. said: “I love Easter most of all, my mother and I paint very beautiful eggs.”

At the third stage, all parents took an active part in the discussion. There was an active discussion when resolving pedagogical situations. Most parents had no difficulty describing their child.

To identify children’s fears and develop the ability to talk about their negative experiences openly, we conducted the “Tell Your Fears” exercise with children. At first, the children did not dare to say what they were afraid of, but after the presenter spoke about their childhood fears, the children joined the conversation and told their fears. Only Ruslan M. said: “I don’t know what I’m afraid of!” The children took part in drawing their fears with pleasure.

During the joint parent-child lesson, many interesting crafts were made. It was clear that the children really enjoyed it collaboration with parents. Vadim K. and his dad made a very beautiful bird. After making the crafts, an exhibition was organized.

Everyone also participated in the games with pleasure. Only Igor R.’s mother thought that the exercises her son was doing were too difficult, and she abandoned them, which caused a negative reaction in the child.

Basically, classes at this stage took place in a warm and friendly atmosphere.

At the fourth stage, parents shared their impressions of the classes. They came to the general conclusion that they began to look at their children differently, reconsidered their relationship with them, and began to pay attention to their child as an individual.

Vadim K.’s dad said: “I liked your classes so much, I discovered a lot of new things for myself, I understood where we made mistakes when raising our son. Now we have a favorable atmosphere at home and our family can be called happy.”

Children with great love made gifts in the form of drawings for their parents.

As a result, we carried out sports festival for children and parents, which took place in a very fun atmosphere.

It all ended with a tea party. Parents and children shared their positive emotions. Anya K.’s mother said: “We have all become one big happy family.”

Thus, correctional classes allowed to establish warmer emotional contact between parents and children, contributed to the consolidation of goodwill and understanding in their relationships.

In our opinion, the most effective forms work there were discussions, as everyone expressed their opinion and the whole group found the most optimal solution to the problem: replaying pedagogical situations, because from the outside you can better see and realize the mistakes that you yourself make; Joint activities with children - they bring parents and children closer together and help them better understand each other.

Conclusion

World practice psychological assistance shows children and their parents that even very difficult parenting problems are completely solvable if it is possible to restore a favorable communication style in the family.

The main features of this style are determined by the basic principles of humanistic psychology. K. Rogers called it “Person-centered,” that is, it puts the personality of the person with whom you are currently communicating at the center of attention.

The style of parental relationship is involuntarily imprinted in the child’s psyche. This happens very early, even in preschool age, usually unconsciously. The parenting style, as shown by the results of our research, is influenced by the personal qualities of the parents.

Having become an adult, a person reproduces the parenting style as natural. Thus, from generation to generation there is a social inheritance of the style of communication and education. From this it follows that parents need to not only be enlightened, but also taught how to properly communicate with children, correcting the personal qualities of parents, which relate mainly to the sphere of “I”.

I would also like to note that it would be equally interesting to compare the interaction styles of fathers and mothers, since there are differences in both character traits and styles of relating to a child on a heterogeneous basis.

The results of the study showed that it is better to examine the father and mother who make up married couple, in order to paint a more objective picture of upbringing in the family, the influence of both parents on the formation of the child’s personality, so that the work of helping the family is more fruitful.

An analysis of psychological and pedagogical literature has shown that anxiety is a serious emotional barrier that complicates a child’s life.

Anxiety affects children's mental health.

The process of personal development takes place at the stage of preschool childhood.

One of the main causes of childhood anxiety is the disruption of parent-child relationships. This mainly occurs because parents do not know enough about the psychological characteristics of their child and use the methods of raising their parents.

The results of the work done proved the reliability of our hypothesis. It is the creation of an environment of emotional comfort and mental well-being in the family, the accumulation of parental knowledge about psychological characteristics of this age, about forms and methods children's education, the integrated use of means and methods of psychological and pedagogical correction contributed to a significant improvement in parent-child relationships and a decrease in the level of children's anxiety.

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32. Satir V. How to build yourself and your family. – M., 1989. – 300 p.

33. Satir V. Family psychotherapy. – St. Petersburg, 2000. – 283 p.

34. Family in psychological consultation. / Ed. A. A. Bodaleva, V. V. Stolina. – M.: Pedagogy, 1989. – 208 p.

35. Sidarenko E. A. Experience of reorientation training. – St. Petersburg, 1995. – 205 p.

36. Stolin V.V. Personal self-awareness. M., 1983.

37. Personality theory in Western European and American psychology./Ed. D.Ya. Raigorodsky. – Samara, 1996. – 480 p.

38. Khomentauskas G. T. Family through the eyes of a child. – M.: Pedagogy, 1989. – 160 p.

39. Eidemiller E. G. Methods of family diagnostics and psychotherapy. – M. – St. Petersburg, 1996. – 365 p.

40. Eidemiller E. G., Justitsky V.V. Analysis of family relationships of adolescents with psychopathy, character accentuations, neuroses and neurotic conditions. – M., 1994. – 96 p.

41. Eidemiller E.G., Justitskis V. Psychology and psychotherapy of the family. – St. Petersburg: Peter, 1999. –656 p.

APPENDIX No. 1

PARENT IDENTIFICATION QUESTIONNAIRE

LEVEL OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE CHILD

1.What is your child like? (confident, indecisive, etc.)

2.How independent is your child?

3. Does your child withdraw after comments?

4.How connected is your child with others?

5. Is your child a “family idol”?

6.What about your child irritates you; How do you deal with this?

7.How do you conduct a dialogue with your child? Do you answer endless “Whys”?

8. Do you punish your child, and how does the child react to this?

9. Do you give your child the opportunity to speak out, even if the reasoning seems stupid to you?

10. Do you solve his problems with him?

APPENDIX No. 3.

PARENTAL ATTITUDE TEST QUESTIONNAIRE

(A.Y. VARG, V.V. STOLINN)

Instructions: “Read the statements carefully, answer “true” against each one if it matches your attitude towards your child, or “false” if it does not match.

1.I always sympathize with my child.

2. I consider it my duty to know everything that my child thinks.

3. I respect my child.

4. It seems to me that my child’s behavior deviates significantly from the norm.

5. It is necessary to keep the child away from real life problems longer if they traumatize him.

6. I have a feeling of affection for the child.

7. Good parents protect their child from the difficulties of life.

8.My child is often unpleasant to me.

9.I always try to help my child.

10. There are cases when a bullying attitude towards a child brings him great benefit.

11.I feel annoyed towards my child.

12.My child will not achieve anything in life.

13. It seems to me that children are making fun of my child.

14.My child often commits actions that are worth nothing except contempt.

15.My child is a little immature for his age.

16.My child behaves badly on purpose to annoy me.

17.My child absorbs everything bad like a “sponge.”

18. It is difficult to teach my child good manners no matter how hard I try.

19. A child should be kept within strict limits, then he will grow into a decent person.

20.I love it when my child’s friends come to our house.

21. I take part in my child.

22.Everything bad “sticks” to my child.

23.My child will not achieve anything in life.

24. When people talk about children in a group of friends, I am a little ashamed that my child is not as smart and capable as I would like.

25. I feel sorry for my child.

26. When I compare my child with his peers, they seem more mature to me both in behavior and judgment.

27. I enjoy spending all my free time with my child.

28. I often regret that my child grows and matures, and I remember him with tenderness when he was little.

29.I often catch myself having a hostile attitude towards my child.

30.I dream that my child will achieve everything that I failed to achieve in life.

31.Parents should adapt to the child, and not just demand it from him.

32. I try to fulfill all my child’s requests.

33.Upon acceptance family decisions The child’s opinion should be taken into account.

34.I am very interested in the life of my child.

35. In a conflict with a child, I can often admit that he is right in his own way.

36.Children learn early that parents can make mistakes.

37.I always take my child into account.

38.I have friendly feelings towards my child.

39. The main reason for my child’s whims is selfishness, stubbornness and laziness.

40. It is impossible to have a normal rest if you spend your vacation with a child.

41.The most important thing is that the child has a calm and carefree childhood.

42.Sometimes it seems to me that my child is not capable of anything good.

43.I share my child’s hobbies.

44.My child can piss off anyone.

45.I understand my child’s distress.

46.My child often annoys me.

47. Raising a child is a complete hassle.

48. Strict discipline in childhood develops strong character.

49.I don't trust my child.

50.Children thank you later for strict upbringing.

51.Sometimes it seems to me that I hate my child.

52.My child has more disadvantages than advantages.

53.I share the interests of my child.

54.My child is not able to do anything on his own, and if he does, it will definitely be wrong.

55.My child will grow up unadapted to life.

56. I like my child the way he is.

57.I carefully monitor the health of my child.

58.I often admire my child.

59. A child should not have secrets from his parents.

60. I have a low opinion of my child’s abilities and do not hide this from him.

61. It is very desirable for a child to be friends with those children his parents like.

A high test score is interpreted as:

Rejection;

Social desirability;

Symbiosis;

Hypersocialization;

Infantilization (disability).

Appendix No. 2

Results of a survey to clarify child-parent relationships

Table No. 1

Attitude to the family, in general 18.8%, children put it in the foreground, they want them to have children themselves. 1.4% show concern and care for their loved ones: “So that mom doesn’t get sick,” “Dad works a lot,” “So that dad has a vacation.” 0.9% of teenagers admit that they would like their parents to spend more time with them and communicate.

Relationships between different family members vary: they relate best to the mother - 4.8%, to the father only 2.8%, that is, half as much. This is explained by the fact that the father treats them strictly (scolds, does not understand) or his behavior is inappropriate (drinks a lot and often). 3.8% are indifferent to both parents.

Fears and apprehensions arise because of school; children have a feeling of fear before a test, an answer in a subject, an exam. This happens to those who have a positive attitude towards learning, school and teachers.

When analyzing the data on anxiety of the tested adolescents (Table 2), it turned out that 86.3% had normal general anxiety, 9% had slightly increased anxiety, and 4.7% had pure calmness. Regarding consideration individual species anxiety:

1) school anxiety: 72.7% - normal, 22.8% - slightly increased, 4.5% - pure calm.

2) self-esteem: 90.9% - normal, 9.1% - pure calm.

3) interpersonal: 90.9% - normal, 9.1% - slightly increased.

Psychodiagnostic card (5 A class)

Table No. 2

Hostility was increased in 62.1%, normal in 32.4% and high in 5.5% of all subjects; aggressiveness – increased in 10.9%, normal in 72.9% and low in 16.2%.

negativity – increased in 37.8%, normal in 29.8%, high in 16.2%, low in 16.2%.

feeling of guilt – increased in 72.9%, normal in 8.1%, high in 10.8%, low in 5.4% and no guilt in 2.7%.

When determining temperament (Table No. 4), the study was aimed at its various properties in relation to work and communication with people. In 17.6% of subjects, they are not accepted for consideration, because the answers to the control questions in more than three cases coincide with the key ones, this means that the subject tried to embellish himself when answering the main questions, to present himself in a more favorable light, i.e. e. was not sincere.

In general, the following data were obtained:

1) in relation to work: 53.6% show average temperament, 35.7% - high, and 10.7% low.

2) in communicating with people: 64.2% - average, 25% - high, 10.7% - low.

After conducting the “My Family” drawing test methodology, the following attitudes of adolescents towards family members were determined:

1) Love for mother – 8.4%

2) Friendly relationship with father – 17.2%

3) Normal family – 21.5%

4) Mother controls the family – 8.5%

5) Does not find mutual understanding with mother – 13.2%

6) Do not consider parents their family – 13.2%

7) They don’t respect their parents – 4.1%

8) Parental authority – 4.1%

9) Poor relationship with father – 4.1%

10) Close relationship with grandmother – 8.5%

11) Love for brother – 12.8%

12) Love for sister – 4.1%

13) Feel lonely in the family – 4.1%

14) Find love with animals – 12.8%

15) Narcissism – 4.1%

16) Egocentrism – 4.1%

17) Wants family relationships – 12.8%

18) Confidence in parental help – 4.1%

To diagnose the personality of a teenager, it was carried out projective test“Non-existent animal” and the following results of personal qualities were obtained:

1) Interest in information about yourself – 4.09%

2) Sensuality – 2.04%

3) Fear – 3.58%

4) Attitude to appearance – 1.27%

5) Verbal aggression – 1.02%

6) Thoroughness, thoughtfulness – 0.51%

7) Independence – 0.76%

8) Egocentrism – 1.27%

9) Conformity of judgments and banality – 0.76%

10) Aggressiveness – 2.04%

11) Talkativeness – 1.02%

12) Desire to attract attention – 0.51%

13) Competition – 2.3%

14) Manifestation of schizoidism – 0.51%

15) Positively evaluate their actions – 1.79%

16) Dissatisfaction with oneself – 0.76%

17) Protection from others – 0.51%

When diagnosing parental attitudes using a questionnaire test (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin), one or another type of attitude is determined on a scale in which the highest percentage rank is obtained from the answers for all the parents’ answers (diagram No. 1). According to general data, it can be seen that the most high percent 65% on the “symbiosis” scale (diagram No. 2).

This suggests that the parent maintains an interpersonal distance when communicating with the child. He feels like one with the child, strives to satisfy all the needs of the child, to protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life. The parent constantly feels worried about the child; the child seems small and defenseless to him. The parent’s anxiety increases when the child begins to become autonomous due to circumstances, since the parent never gives the child independence of his own free will.

Hello again! Based on the results of the voting, I chose the topic for writing the next article - “The influence of family education style on the child’s personality”!

Enjoy reading and benefit your life!

In fact, I myself was wondering what style we are raising our son in. And do we even have any family parenting style? And what characteristics of our family parenting style?

It turns out we have a style.

Let's figure it out together.

There are several different classifications family styles education. And everyone family education style its characteristics.

The model of American psychologist Diana Baumrind is considered basic.

It is simple and understandable.

The author took two criteria as a basis.

1. Level of emotional acceptance of the child by parents
2. Level of parental control

And thanks to the combinations of these criteria, four styles of family education were identified.

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING STYLE

The name speaks for itself. Parents in the family occupy leading positions, being the authority for the child. This style is characterized by warm emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control from adults.

Using authoritative family parenting style, parents recognize the child as an autonomous person, use a democratic style of communication and are ready for changes in the system of requirements as the child’s competence increases.

In such a family, there is practically no physical punishment or verbal aggression; parents try to use logic in communicating with children and strive to come to an agreement. They respect themselves and their children. Parents have good life experience and are responsible for their children.

Which influence renders authoritative family parenting style on the child's personality?

Like family parenting style forms in the child high self-esteem, self-acceptance, will and self-control, helps social adaptation in society, instilling a readiness to comply social rules and standards.

Good family parenting style, it is very close to me, but, like in any barrel of honey, a sleeping bee can get caught and sting your tongue...

This one has family education style one drawback. More precisely, a risk zone. Parents, themselves being highly developed people, form high expectations from their children, which can cause neuroticism in them. Moreover, boys get more than girls. The requirements for them are higher. But if you know about this, and most importantly, be able to relax in time and admit that in addition to victories, there are also defeats, and, most importantly, help the child to calmly deal with such situations, then the child will grow up in such a family self-confident, independent and a worthy successor to his parents .

AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING STYLE

Characteristic this one family education style like this.

Still the same high level of control, but against the backdrop of a cold emotional attitude to the child.

With this attitude, the child’s communication with his parents is based on the “boss-subordinate” principle. Command-directive manner.

The system of requirements is rigid, rigid and does not change as the child grows and matures.

“I said so, it means so.” This is what an authoritarian parent's argument looks like.

Usually children are punished, thereby suppressing their will and any desire to be independent. They create inertia and dependence.

Well, what kind influence renders this family parenting style on the personality of a growing child?

Such dictatorship often leads to increased aggression in older age. Children are socially maladaptive, lethargic and driven. Often in their families, if, of course, they are able to create one, they repeat their parents and themselves take the place of dictator.

But, despite all the shortcomings, this family education style, there are also positive features in it.

Moreover, here I will step back from the theoretical side and share my thoughts and practice of our relationship with my son.

Deniska is 2 years 3 months old, I wrote about his “2-year crisis” and my confusion about how to behave in the article “”.

So, despite my reasonableness, desire to find a logical argument and approach to the child, there are times when I have to put my palm to my butt. And in a commanding and directive voice that does not require any objections, say “this is how it’s customary for us - if you please, carry it out.” And without objection.

Still for the youngest childhood Probably, from the age of 1.5 to 4 years (these frames are very approximate and vary for each child), elements of an authoritarian style are necessary. At least to ensure the safety of the child.

A clear system of prohibitions. Socket, hot kettle, stove... Not allowed, period.

And, despite complete freedom and their own experience, children do not learn to take responsibility, set and achieve goals. After all, parents themselves do not take responsibility for their children and do not teach them this.

In general, in common parlance, liberal family parenting style one might call it “benevolent sloppiness.”

INDIFFERENT PARENTING STYLE

And the most unfavorable from the point of view of the formation of the child’s psyche and personality development is indifferent family parenting style.

Here to the negatives characteristics previous family education style there is also a lack of warmth towards the child.

The child is treated with disdain, ignoring his emotional needs.

These are cases, most likely, of an accidental or unwanted appearance of a child in a family. Well, since you were born, live, but don’t interfere.

In such families, insecure, anxious, fearful or, on the contrary, very aggressive children grow up.

There is a high probability of various kinds of addictions and antisocial behavior.

Formally, there are parents, but the parental functions of protection, support, acceptance and creating a safe and gentle entry into life for the child adult life, in such a family are not fulfilled.

A child grows on his own from an early age. Thrown into the seething stream of life. He will swim, he will swim, he will drown, well, that means he is not a swimmer.

Another important thing is whether both parents agree on the choice family education style child.

It happens that a mother adheres to a liberal family education style, and dad is authoritarian. And then it turns out to be a game of good-bad cop.

What is possible with mom, is not possible with dad.

On the one hand, the child learns flexibility in interacting with adults, but on the other, this can lead to discord and conflict in the family.

No less bad is the inconsistency in family education style.

Today liberal parents good mood, and tomorrow - dictators because of problems at work.

I wrote in more detail about the rules of interaction and their importance for the harmonious functioning of the family in the article “”.

For older children family parenting style plays a lesser role than for children, etc.

There is no magic pill or recipe for all occasions, this model family parenting styles It only highlights the main generalized features and gives direction for reflection and awareness.

The more flexible the parents are, the more ready to grow and develop with the child, listen to his needs and change relationships if they become outdated and lose relevance, the more enjoyable and effective this very relationship will be. family parenting style.

You and I are creators! So let's create and be proud of our creations!

Good luck to you and me on this path of trial, error and achievement!

And finally, I’ll give you a mini-test for self-checking. What is yours family parenting style?

Family parenting styles and their impact on child development

Raising children is the most important task of a modern family. The development of the child’s personality as a whole will depend on what style of family education prevails in the family.

Family parenting style is the way parents relate to the child, their use of certain techniques and methods of influence on the child, expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal address and interaction with the child. Any disharmony in the family leads to adverse consequences in the development of the child’s personality and problems in his behavior.

Characteristics of family parenting styles

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 6 main types of family parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, democratic, chaotic, alienated and overprotective. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and has a different impact on the psyche and personal development of the child.

Authoritarian style of family education

With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child’s initiative, strictly guide and control his actions and actions. When raising children, they use physical punishment for the slightest offenses, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, and sympathy. Such parents only care that the child grows up obedient and efficient. But children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic, unable to stand up for themselves, or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, and conflict-ridden. Such children have difficulty adapting to society and the world around them.

Parents strictly monitor compliance homework by younger schoolchildren, even to the point of standing next to them and putting pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. For the purpose of self-defense, children use a variety of tricks, such as crying, to show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose the desire to learn, they have difficulty concentrating during teacher explanations or when preparing lessons.

With their parents, such children may seem calm and dutiful, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child’s behavior becomes uncontrollable.

The influence of an authoritarian parenting style on the behavior of adolescents

As the child grows older, he becomes increasingly intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. In adolescence, frequent conflicts can lead to disastrous outcomes. It is with an authoritarian style of family education that adolescents will generate conflicts, treating others with hostility. Parents always make decisions for the child themselves, thereby suppressing the child’s initiative, depriving him of the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for his actions.

Active and strong teenagers will begin to rebel, resist, become more aggressive, and may run away from home. Timid and insecure teenagers with low self-esteem, on the contrary, will get used to obeying their parents in everything, making no attempt to solve their own problems on their own, and will always rely on their parents in everything.

Liberal-permissive style of family education (hypoguardianship)

With a liberal-permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. To assert himself, the child uses whims, demands “Give me!”, “Me!”, “I want!”, and is demonstratively offended. The child does not understand the words “Must!”, “Impossible”, and does not follow the instructions and demands of adults. Parents with a liberal-permissive style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead and guide the child.

Liberal parents are caring, attentive, and have close relationships with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express himself, show his abilities, discover Creative skills, individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right” and “wrong”. Liberal parents find it difficult to set the boundaries of the permitted, acceptable behavior of their children. They often encourage their child’s overly relaxed and inappropriate behavior.

How will a child grow up with a permissive style of family education?

As a result, the child grows up to be a selfish, conflicted person who is constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships and emotional strong connections with people. At school, such a child may experience frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to giving in, obeying elders, or following laws and rules.

A child raised in an environment of permissiveness is more susceptible to psychological problems, phobias, and depression. Such a child has not learned to control himself and his behavior will have little chance of developing self-esteem. In the future, a child raised by liberal parents will be unable to resist life problems, he will have difficulty with social interaction. Which in turn will lead to the lack of adequate self-esteem and self-esteem. He will conflict with everyone who does not indulge his desires.

We have described the main styles of family upbringing, but practice at the Center for Psychological Assistance to Family allows us to identify a number of other types of inadequate attitude of mother to child.

Ustimenko V.N. Permissive style of family education - families at risk.

Family education styles and their characteristics according to the type of “maternal” attitude towards the child:

Mother's attitude towards her teenage son as a "replacement" husband

Mother demands from teenager constant attention to yourself, care. Mother constantly interferes with personal life son, limits contacts with peers and female peers, strive to be aware of his personal and intimate life. You can often hear dissatisfaction from a mother about the fact that her son seeks to distance himself from her and avoids communication. In a less crude form, the teenager is assigned the role of “head of the family.”

Hyperprotection and symbiosis

The mother has a strong desire to hold on, to tie the child to herself, to limit his independence out of fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future. In psychology, such an attitude is called the “smart Elsa” complex. The mother downplays the child's real capabilities and abilities, which leads to restrictions and maximum control, the desire to do everything for the child in order to protect him from imaginary misfortunes in the future.

Educational control through deprivation of love

This style of parenting is characterized by demonstrating to a child or teenager the attitude “That he is not needed like this, his mother does not love him like this” in the event of any undesirable behavior, disobedience, or insufficient, in the parents’ opinion, school performance, skills and achievements.

Parents, as a rule, do not directly express their dissatisfaction, do not speak it out, or try to explain to the child why he did something wrong. Parents simply stop talking to the child, ignore him, and talk about him in the third person.

In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude of parents towards him gives rise to a powerless feeling of anger and rage, outbursts of aggression. A teenager with such behavior wants to prove his existence, to infiltrate the family “We”. The parent, out of fear of aggression, goes to peace, or through retaliatory aggression (slapping, beating) tries to overcome the wall of alienation he has created.

Hyperthymia- this is a persistent high spirits, cheerfulness, accompanied by personal and professional activity, increased socialization.

In sensitive children or adolescents, such an attitude from parents creates a deep feeling of loneliness and uselessness. In order to return the love of his parents, the child is forced to limit his own individuality, sacrifice his self-esteem, depriving himself of his own “I”. In this way, parents achieve obedience by devaluing the child’s personality.

Educational control by inducing feelings of guilt

A child who violates a ban is labeled by his parents as “ungrateful”, “causing his beloved mother so much grief”, “betraying parental love”, etc. In the future, the teenager, under the constant fear of being guilty of the problems of his parents, is forced to fetter his own independence and initiative.

Family parenting styles - books

1. Azarov Yu.P. The art of education. M., 1985.

2. Dobrynina O. A. The problem of creating a favorable socio-psychological climate for the family (using the example of metallurgists): Diss. ...cand. psychol. Sci. Novokuznetsk, 1992.

3. Druzhinin V. N. Family psychology. – M., 1996. – 158 p.

4. Kulikova T. A. Family pedagogy and home education: A textbook for students. medium and higher ped. textbook establishments. - M: Publishing center "Academy", 2007

5. Shneider L. B. Family psychology: tutorial for universities / L. B. Shneider. - Ed. 3rd. M.: Academic Prospekt; Ekaterinburg: Business book, 2007.

This material is a speech at the teachers' training primary classes. In terms of its content, it will be useful to ALL parents who know how to analyze their parenting and the degree of responsibility for THEIR child. Read carefully (and honestly!) the table “Main types of relationships and their combination with personality type and parenting styles” (links to sources are provided). You just need to think about it, and the world can change for the better for your child.

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Speech at a meeting of the class teachers' education department on the topic:

“Typologization and styles of family education”

For a small child, a family is a whole world in which he lives, acts, makes discoveries, learns to love, hate, rejoice, and sympathize. Being a member of it, the child enters into certain relationships with his parents, which can have both positive and negative influence on him. As a result, the child grows up either friendly, open, sociable, or anxious, rude, hypocritical, and deceitful.

Parental relationships are a system of various feelings towards a child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, characteristics of perception and understanding of the character and personality of the child, his actions. And to develop positive parent-child relationships, adults must have a certain level of knowledge on the issue of upbringing and relationships with the child. Unfortunately, recently the problem in the formation of parent-child relationships has become increasingly acute. Often, young parents do not realize the importance of the child’s emotional and mental comfort in the family; they themselves display selfishness and unhealthy ambitions towards the child. Among the areas of activity class teacher distinguish diagnostic and preventive. Today we will try to understand the typology and diversity of family education styles in order to skillfully use this knowledge in working with families.

The most important social function of the family is raising the younger generation. The family in modern society is considered as an institution of primary socialization of the child. Parenting has a sociocultural nature and is characterized by a system of norms and rules prescribed by culture and society that regulate the distribution of childcare and upbringing functions in the family among parents: determining the content of roles and models of role behavior. Parents are responsible to society for organizing a system of conditions appropriate age characteristics child at each stage of ontogenesis and providing optimal opportunities for his personal and mental development.

Each family objectively develops a certain system of upbringing that is not always conscious of it. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, the formulation of its tasks, and a more or less targeted application of methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. Can be allocated4 tactics of upbringing in the family and 4 types of family relationships corresponding to themrelationships that are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence:dictatorship, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

1). Diktat in a family, it manifests itself in the systematic behavior of some family members (mainly adults) and the initiative and self-esteem of other family members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, many valuable personality traits are broken along with it: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one’s capabilities. Reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, systematically depriving him of the right to vote in resolving issues pertaining to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

2). Family care - this is a system of relationships in which parents, while ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the child’s needs and protecting him from difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a group.

3). Cooperation as a type of relationship in a family, it is assumed that interpersonal relationships in the family are mediated by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

The style of family education and the values ​​accepted in the family are of great importance in the development of a child’s self-esteem. You can selectthree styles of family education: - democratic - authoritarian - permissive (liberal).

- In a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first. "Consent" style.

In an authoritarian style, parents impose their opinions on the child. "Suppression" style.

With a permissive style, the child is left to his own devices.

The schoolchild sees himself through the eyes of close adults who are raising him. If the family's assessments and expectations do not correspond to the child's age and individual characteristics, his self-image seems distorted.

Scientists have traced the development of self-awareness of young children depending on the characteristics of family upbringing. Children with an accurate idea of ​​themselves are raised in families where parents devote a lot of time to them; positively assess their physical and mental data, but do not consider their level of development higher than that of most peers; predict good performance at school. These children are often rewarded, but not with gifts; They are punished mainly by refusal to communicate. Children with a low self-image grow up in families that do not teach them, but demand obedience; they evaluate them low, often reproach them, punish them, sometimes in front of strangers; they are not expected to succeed in school or achieve significant achievements in later life.

A child’s adequate and inappropriate behavior depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family. Children who have low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child or set excessive goals for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of his parents. (Do not tell your child that he is ugly; this creates complexes that are then impossible to get rid of.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with inflated self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material rewards). The child is punished very rarely, the system of demands is very soft.

Adequate presentation - a flexible system of punishment and praise is needed here. Admiration and praise with him are excluded. Gifts are rarely given for actions. Extreme harsh punishments are not used. In families where children grow up with high, but not inflated, self-esteem, attention to the child’s personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy greater freedom at home, but this freedom, in essence, is a lack of control, a consequence of parents’ indifference to their children and to each other.

Parents also set the initial level of the child’s aspirations - what he aspires to in educational activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation expect only success. Their ideas about the future are equally optimistic. Children with low aspirations and low self-esteem do not aspire to much, either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities; they quickly come to terms with the level of performance that develops at the beginning of their studies.

Demonstrativeness is a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention from others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned and “unloved” in the family. But it happens that the child receives enough attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the exaggerated need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected children, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even breaking the rules of behavior. (“It’s better to be scolded than not noticed”). The task of adults is to do without lectures and edifications, make comments as less emotionally as possible, not pay attention to minor offenses and punish for major ones. This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

Option "escape from reality". It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness in children is combined with anxiety. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are little noticeable, are afraid of causing disapproval with their behavior, and strive to fulfill the demands of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity and invisibility, which complicates already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage children to be active, pay attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

The extreme, most unfavorable cases for a child’s development are strict, total control during authoritarian upbringing and an almost complete lack of control when the child is left to his own devices, neglected. There are many intermediate options:

Parents regularly tell children what to do;

The child can express his opinion, but the parents do not listen to his voice when making a decision;

The child can make individual decisions himself, but must obtain the approval of the parents; parents and the child have almost equal rights when making decisions;

The decision is often made by the child himself;

The child himself decides whether to obey parental decisions or not.

Let's focus on the mostcommon family parenting styles, which determines the characteristics of the child’s relationship with his parents and his personal development.

Under the style of family educationone should understand the most characteristic ways of parent-child relationships, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal address and interaction.

Democratic parentsThey value both independence and discipline in a child’s behavior. They themselves give him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without infringing on his rights, they simultaneously require the fulfillment of duties. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable concern is usually not too annoying; he often listens to explanations of why one thing should not be done and another should be done. The formation of adulthood in such relationships takes place without any special experiences or conflicts.

Authoritarian parentsThey demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider that they should explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all areas of life, and they can do this not entirely correctly. Children in such families usually become withdrawn, and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children of authoritarian parents adapt to the style of family relationships and become unsure of themselves and less independent.

The situation becomes more complicated if high demands and control are combined with an emotionally cold, rejecting attitude towards the child. A complete loss of contact is inevitable here.

An even more difficult case is indifferent and cruel parents. Children from such families rarely treat people with trust, experience difficulties in communication, and are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love.

The combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a lack of control - overprotection - also an unfavorable option for family relationships. Children are allowed to do whatever they want; no one is interested in their affairs. Behavior becomes uncontrollable. And children, no matter how they rebel sometimes, need their parents as support; they need to see a model of adult, responsible behavior that they can follow.

Overprotection - excessive care for a child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact - leads to passivity, lack of independence, and difficulties in communicating with peers.

In addition, it is necessary to dwell on the mother’s attitude towards the child. There are four types of maternal relationships:

1. Mothers of the first type easily and organically adapted to the needs of the child. They are characterized by supportive, permissive behavior. Interestingly, the most revealing test of a particular maternal style was the mother’s reaction to toilet training her child. Mothers of the first type did not set themselves the task of accustoming their child to neatness skills by a certain age. They waited for the child to “mature” himself.

2. Mothers of the second type consciously tried to adapt to the needs of the child. The not always successful implementation of this desire introduced tension into their behavior and a lack of spontaneity in communicating with the child. They dominated rather than conceded.

3. Mothers of the third type did not show much interest in the child. The basis of motherhood was a sense of duty. There was almost no warmth and no spontaneity in the relationship with the child. As the main tool of education, such mothers used strict control, for example, they consistently and sternly tried to accustom their one and a half year old child to the skills of neatness.

4. Mothers of the fourth type of behavior are characterized by inconsistency. They behaved inappropriately for the age and needs of the child, made many mistakes in upbringing, and did not understand their child well. Their direct educational influences, as well as the reaction to the same actions of the child, were contradictory.

Stand out two styles of parenting practice - democratic and controlling.

Democratic styledetermined by the following parameters: high level of verbal communication between children and parents; the inclusion of children in the discussion of family problems, taking into account their opinions; the willingness of parents to come to the rescue if necessary, while at the same time believing in the success of the child’s independent activities; limiting one’s own subjectivity in the child’s vision.

Controlling styleincludes significant restrictions on children’s behavior: clear and clear explanation to the child of the meaning of the restrictions, absence of disagreements between parents and children regarding disciplinary measures.

It turned out that in families with a democratic upbringing style, children were characterized by a moderately pronounced ability for leadership, aggressiveness, and a desire to control other children, but the children themselves were difficult to succumb to external control. The children were also distinguished by good physical development, social activity, and ease of making contact with peers, but they were not characterized by altruism, sensitivity and empathy.

Children of parents with a controlling type of upbringing were obedient, suggestible, fearful, not too persistent in achieving their own goals, and non-aggressive. With a mixed parenting style, children are characterized by suggestibility, obedience, emotional sensitivity, non-aggression, lack of curiosity, lack of originality of thinking, and poor imagination.

V.I. Garbuzov and co-authors identifiedthree types of miseducation,practiced by parents of children with neuroses.

1. Type A education (rejection, emotional rejection) - rejection of the child’s individual characteristics, attempts to “improve”, “correct” the innate type of reaction, combined with strict control, regulation of the child’s entire life, with the imperative imposition of the only “correct” type on him behavior. In some cases, rejection can manifest itself in extreme form - actual abandonment of the child, placement in a boarding school, psychiatric hospital, etc. In our practical work, we noted a similar attitude among single mothers raising their own or adopted children, in families where the child was born “accidentally” or “at the wrong time”, during a period of domestic unsettlement and marital conflicts. Along with strict control of upbringing, type A can be combined with a lack of control, indifference to the child’s life routine, and complete connivance.

2.Type B education (hypersocializing) is expressed in the anxious and suspicious concentration of parents on the child’s health, his social status among friends; and especially at school, the expectation of academic success and future professional activity. Such parents strive for multidisciplinary education and development of the child (foreign languages, drawing, music, figure skating, technical and sports clubs, etc.), but do not take into account or underestimate the real psychophysical characteristics and limitations of the child.

3. Type B education (egocentric) - “family idol”, “small”, “only”, “meaning of life” - cultivating the attention of all family members on the child, sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members.

Table “Main types of relationships and their combination with personality type and

parenting styles"

extreme variants of family education styles and the corresponding seven socio-psychological personality types of the child.

Sympathetic style

The child is left to his own devices due to the constant employment of the parents. Parents use neither punishment nor rewards. They love the child, but never spoil them. They share all the hardships of life with him, but whenever possible they strive to protect him from overload, both physical and psychological. They are characterized by a personal example of moral behavior, as well as teaching a child moral behavior from the mistakes of others. They don’t read long lectures; all they need to do is look at them reproachfully, put them to shame, and make them upset. They have a positive attitude towards the superiority in the child’s actions of rational actions rather than emotions.

Introverted personality type of a child

Sensitive, attentive, truthful, honest, polite, balanced, calm, modest, shy, simple-minded, easy to communicate with people, patient, efficient, prone to physical labor, responsible, self-critical.

Permissive style

The child is given uncontrolled freedom of action. Parents are completely indifferent to the needs and demands of the child and satisfy only those that can be satisfied at the expense of other people. When teaching how to comply with rules and requirements, parents act situationally and do not know the extent of either encouragement or punishment. Inconsistent in expressing their feelings towards the child. The child is free to choose forms of behavior, but in public he must formally observe the rules of decency. The child’s mental activity is mainly associated with the search and expectation of possible pleasure.

Conformal type

Dishonest, boastful, cunning, resourceful, lacks sensitivity to people, extracts personal gain from everything, stingy, greedy, demanding only of others, sneaking, tendency to gossip, slander, indifference, external politeness, lust for power, indifference to the immoral actions of others, sycophancy , dishonesty.

Competitive style

Parents look for something unusual, outstanding, and different from other children in their child’s actions. If successful, the child can be rewarded both with enthusiastic epithets and financially. They teach you not to give up your won positions. Parents care little about the human qualities of the child, the main thing is how he should look in society. Moral standards are only for the purpose of feeling comfortable among people and standing out as favorably as possible. They monitor the intellectual development of children, teaching them to demonstrate their intellectual capabilities, to search for the moment of their manifestation, and not to think deeply.

Dominant type

Self-confident, arrogant, selfish, exaggerates his capabilities, indifference to the interests of the team, focus on his own defense, and all this with a high manifestation of motor activity.

Reasonable style

They provide the child with complete freedom of action so that the child gains personal experience through independent trial and error. They patiently talk and answer all the questions the child has. They believe that it is possible to do without external incentives for children to become more active. Relationships are smooth and calm throughout. They strictly ensure that the child’s dignity is never diminished. Parents discuss every action of the child with him. The absence of punishment does not create fear in children, but a desire not to harm others. Parents talk a lot and answer the child’s questions, maintain persistent interest and curiosity, and present interesting facts for the child to understand.

Sensitive type

Sensitive, conscientious, sociable. Self-control and self-confidence are characteristic. It has average values ​​for the qualities: intelligence, risk-taking, anxiety and low values ​​for the qualities: excitement, dominance, social courage, tension.

Warning style

Parents believe that the child should not act independently. The child is completely deprived of active activity and is passive, constantly entertained by his parents. This restriction is due to the parents’ fear for the child. They never punish children in preschool age; on the contrary, they feel guilty towards the child if he is capricious. The immense love of parents for their child pushes them onto the most sophisticated path of endless manifestation of love and affection. Permissiveness and indulgence reign, and all pranks are forgiven to the child.

Infantile type

Lack of independence, incapable of making decisions, acts only on someone else’s instructions, indifferent and cold, indifferent and indifferent to the difficulties and problems of the family, team, helpless, cautious, restrained in actions and words, executive subject to control, passive, irresponsible, not self-confident, disorganized, undisciplined, lacking initiative.

Controlling style

Parents have limited freedom of action, strictly controlling the child’s actions beyond the boundaries of parental ideas. They often punish for incorrect behavior, starting with a commanding tone, moving on to shouting, putting them in a corner, punishment with a belt, a ban on satisfying the child’s needs, believing that for the same offense the punishment should constantly increase. They caress the child very rarely and generally place high demands on him. “The child is a target”, on whom all the cones fall.

Anxious type

Hot-tempered, suspicious and cautious in relationships with people, impatient, conscientious, with low self-esteem, strives to help a friend. Protects his comrades and his loved ones. Focus on personal protection, demanding of others, lack of self-confidence, negative attitude towards criticism, lack of initiative.

Harmonious style

It is a synthesis of previous parenting styles, incorporating the best that is described in previous parenting styles.

The emergence and development of a certain type of human behavior throughout life largely depends on the attitude of the father and mother towards the child, on the satisfaction of his mental needs.

Therefore, parents play a large and responsible role in the life of every person. They provide the first examples of behavior. The child imitates and strives to be like his mother and father. When parents understand that the formation of the child’s personality largely depends on them, they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior as a whole contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values ​​that they want to convey to him. This process of upbringing can be considered quite conscious, since constant control over one’s behavior, attitude towards other people, and attention to the organization of family life allows one to raise children in the most favorable conditions that contribute to their comprehensive and harmonious development.

Internet resources:

2. Styles and types of family education.

Each family objectively develops a certain, not always conscious, system of education. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, and methods of education, and taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. Four tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and four types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are the prerequisite and result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic suppression by parents of initiative and self-esteem in children. Of course, parents can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, along with it there is a breakdown of many personality qualities: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and one’s capabilities, all this is a guarantee of unsuccessful personality formation.

Family guardianship is a system of relationships in which parents, through their work, ensure that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for the reality beyond the threshold of their home. Such excessive care for a child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, is called overprotection. It leads to passivity, lack of independence, and difficulties in communication. There is also the opposite concept - hypoprotection, which implies a combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a complete lack of control. Children can do whatever they want. As a result, as they grow up, they become selfish, cynical people who are unable to respect anyone, do not deserve respect themselves, but at the same time still demand fulfillment of all their whims.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference”. It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in a family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

There are 3 styles of family education - authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

In an authoritarian style, the desire of the parent is the law for the child. Such parents suppress their children. They demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider it necessary to explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all areas of the child’s life, and they do not always do it correctly. Children in such families usually withdraw and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children growing up in such a family adapt to the style of family relationships and become unsure of themselves and less independent.

A democratic style of family relationships is the most optimal for education. Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child’s behavior. They themselves provide him with the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without infringing on rights, they simultaneously require the fulfillment of duties; they respect his opinion and consult with him. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable concern usually does not irritate children too much and they often listen to explanations of why one thing should not be done and another should be done. The formation of personality under such circumstances occurs without special experiences and conflicts.

With a permissive style, parents pay almost no attention to their children, do not limit them in anything, do not prohibit anything. Children from such families often fall under bad influence while growing up and in the future can raise a hand against their parents; they have almost no values.

3. Raising children in families of different structures.

Features of raising an only child in a family

There are two most common points of view on this matter. First: only child turns out to be more emotionally stable than other children, because he does not know the worries associated with rivalry between brothers. Second: an only child has to overcome more difficulties than usual in order to acquire mental balance, because he lacks a brother or sister (2, p. 86). No matter what psychologists say, the life of one - the only child in a family often develops in such a way that confirms precisely this, second, point of view. Difficulties, however, are not absolutely inevitable, and yet they occur so often that it would be foolish not to notice them.

Undoubtedly, parents with an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. They care too much about him just because he is their only one, when in fact he is just the first. Few are able to calmly and competently treat their firstborn the way we later treat subsequent children. main reason here is inexperience. There are, however, other reasons, which are not so easy to detect. Leaving aside some physical limitations, some parents are frightened by the responsibility that having children imposes on them, others are afraid that the birth of a second child will affect their financial situation, others, although they will never admit it, simply do not like children, and they are quite One son or one daughter is enough.

Some obstacles to the mental development of children have a very specific name - greenhouse conditions, when the child is groomed, cuddled, pampered, caressed - in a word, carried in their arms. Because of such excessive attention mental development it inevitably slows down. As a result of the excessive indulgence with which we surround him, he is sure to encounter very serious difficulties and disappointments when he finds himself outside home circle, since he will also expect attention from other people, which he is used to in his parents’ house. For the same reason, he will begin to take himself too seriously. Precisely because his own horizons are too small, many little things will seem too big and significant to him. As a result, interacting with people will be much more difficult for him than for other children. He will begin to withdraw from contacts and seclude himself. He has never had to share parental love with his siblings, let alone games, his own room and clothes, and he has difficulty finding mutual language with other children and their place in the children's community.

How to prevent all this? With the help of a second child - many will say. And this is true, but if some special problems can be solved in this way, then where is the confidence that as soon as we give birth to another child, we will immediately achieve complete adaptation of the first. In any case, you need to do your best to overcome the desire to raise a child in greenhouse conditions. It can be argued that raising an only son or only daughter is much more difficult than raising several children. Even if the family is experiencing some financial difficulties, it cannot be limited to one child. The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The concerns of the father and mother, focused on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is endured very hard by such a family, and the fear of such misfortune always faces the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, an only child gets used to his exclusive position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they raise an egoist.

For mental development, every child requires mental space in which he could move freely. He needs internal and external freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child cannot do without a dirty face, torn pants and fights.

An only child is often denied such space. Consciously or not, the role of a model child is imposed on him. He must say hello especially politely, read poetry especially expressively, he must be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. Ambitious plans are being made for him for the future. Each manifestation of life is carefully observed, with hidden concern. Lack of good advice the child does not experience it throughout childhood. Such an attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating, scattered child.

But this may not be the case, since there are fundamental rules in behavior with only children. They can all be formulated in one sentence, which should become a law for every family with one child: just no exclusivity!

Specifics of education in a large family

The educational potential of a large family has its positive and negative characteristics, and the process of socialization of children has its own difficulties and problems.

On the one hand, here, as a rule, reasonable needs and the ability to take into account the needs of others are cultivated; none of the children have a privileged position, which means there is no basis for the formation of selfishness and asocial traits; more opportunities for communication, caring for younger ones, learning moral and social norms and hostel rules; such moral qualities, such as sensitivity, humanity, responsibility, respect for people, as well as qualities of social order - the ability to communicate, adapt, tolerance. Children from such families turn out to be more prepared for married life; they can more easily overcome role conflicts associated with the inflated demands of one spouse on the other and low demands on themselves.

However, the process of education in a large family is no less complex and contradictory. Firstly, in such families, adults quite often lose their sense of justice in relation to children and show unequal affection and attention to them. An offended child always acutely senses a lack of warmth and attention to him, reacting to this in his own way: in some cases, with accompanying psychological state for him there becomes anxiety, a feeling of inferiority and self-doubt, in others - increased aggressiveness, inadequate reaction to life situations. Older children in a large family are characterized by categorical judgments and a desire for leadership and guidance even in cases where there is no reason for this. All this naturally complicates the process of socialization of children. Secondly, in large families, the physical and mental stress on parents, especially the mother, increases sharply. She has less free time and opportunities to develop children and communicate with them, to show attention to their interests. Unfortunately, children from large families more often take socially dangerous paths of behavior, almost 3.5 times more often than children from other types of families.

A large family has fewer opportunities to meet the needs and interests of a child, who is already given significantly less time than a one-child family, which, naturally, cannot but affect his development. In this context, the level of material security of a large family is very significant. Monitoring the socio-economic potential of families has shown that the majority of large families live below the poverty threshold.

Raising a child in a single-parent family

The child always suffers deeply if the family hearth collapses. Family separation or divorce, even when everything happens in highest degree Politely and courteously, invariably causes mental breakdown and strong feelings in children. Of course, it is possible to help a child cope with growing difficulties in a separated family, but this will require a lot of effort from the parent with whom the child will remain. If family separation occurs when the child is between 3 and 12 years of age, the consequences are felt especially acutely.

The separation of a family or the divorce of spouses is often preceded by many months of disagreements and family quarrels, which are difficult to hide from the child and which greatly worry him. Moreover, his parents, busy with their quarrels, also treat him poorly, even if they are full of good intentions to protect him from solving their own problems.

The child feels the absence of his father, even if he does not openly express his feelings. In addition, he perceives his father's departure as a rejection of him. A child may retain these feelings for many years.

Very often, after family separation or divorce, the mother is forced to take a well-paid job and, as a result, may devote less time to the child than before. Therefore, he feels rejected by his mother.

What can be done to help a child in a broken home? Explain to him what happened, and do it simply, without blaming anyone. To say that this happens to many people and therefore it is better to be as it is. The child can be protected from unnecessary worries when the separation of the family is as final for him as for the parents. Father's visits, especially if they become less and less frequent over time, each time again and again cause the baby to feel that he has been rejected. The younger the child is at the time of family separation or divorce, the easier it is for the father to part with him. The child certainly needs to be prepared for his father’s departure. Help your child grow up and become independent so that he does not become overly and unhealthy dependent on you. One of the most common mistakes is the mother's overprotection of her son.

It would seem that the mother does everything with the best intentions: she wants to give her son more attention, surround him with more care, wants to feed him better food, dress him better, etc. But by making these efforts, often heroic, sacrificing herself, her interests, desires, health, the mother literally emasculates everything masculine in the boy’s character, making him lethargic, lacking initiative, and incapable of decisive masculine actions.

If parents do not live together, if they are separated, then it has a very painful effect on the upbringing of the child. Children often become the subject of contention between parents who openly hate each other and do not hide this from their children.

It is necessary to recommend to those parents who, for some reason, leave each other, that in their quarrel, in their disagreement, they think more about the children. Any disagreements can be resolved more delicately. You can hide from your children both your dislike and your hatred for ex-spouse. It is, of course, difficult for a husband who has left his family to somehow continue raising children. And if he can no longer have a beneficial influence on his old family, then it’s better to try so that she completely forgets him, it will be more honest. Although, of course, he must continue to bear his financial obligations towards the abandoned children.

The question of family structure is a very important question, and it must be approached quite consciously.

If parents truly love their children and want to raise them as best as possible, they will try not to lead their mutual disagreements to a break and thereby not put their children in the most difficult situation.

Chapter No. 2 Factors influencing the formation of a child’s personality.

1.Family as a factor in personality formation.

Among the various social factors influencing the development of personality, one of the most important is the family. Traditionally, the family is the main institution of education. What a person acquires in the family, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of family is due to the fact that a person is in it for a significant part of his life. The foundations of personality are laid in the family.

In the process of close relationships with mother, father, brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers and other relatives, a personality structure begins to form in the child from the first days of life.

In the family, the personality of not only the child, but also his parents is formed. Raising children enriches the personality of an adult and enhances his social experience. Most often this happens unconsciously among parents, but recently young parents have begun to meet who consciously educate themselves as well. Unfortunately, this position of parents has not become popular, despite the fact that it deserves the closest attention.

In the life of every person, parents play a large and responsible role. They give the child new patterns of behavior, with their help he learns the world, he imitates them in all his actions. This tendency is increasingly strengthened by the child’s positive emotional connections with his parents and his desire to be like his mother and father. When parents realize this pattern and understand that the formation of the child’s personality largely depends on them, then they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior as a whole contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values ​​that they want to convey to him. This process of education can be considered quite conscious, because Constant control over one's behavior, attitude towards other people, attention to the organization of family life allows one to raise children in the most favorable conditions that contribute to their comprehensive and harmonious development.

The family influences the personality of adults not only in connection with raising children. Relationships between representatives play a big role in the family. different generations, as well as within the same generation (spouses, brothers, sisters, grandparents). The family is like a small one social group influences its members. At the same time, each of them influences the life of the family with his personal qualities and behavior. Individual members of this small group can contribute to the formation of the spiritual values ​​of its members and influence the goals and life attitudes of the entire family.

All stages of development require a person to adapt to new social conditions, helping the individual to enrich himself with new experiences and become socially more mature. Many stages of family development can be anticipated and even prepared for. However, in life there are situations that cannot be predicted, because... arise instantly, as if spontaneously, for example, a serious illness of one of the family members, the birth of a sick child, death loved one, troubles at work, etc. Such phenomena also require adaptation from family members, because they have to find new methods of relationship. Overcoming a crisis situation most often strengthens the unity of people. However, it happens that such a situation becomes a turning point in the life of a family, leads to its disintegration, and disorganizes its life. (1, p. 31)

Family is of great importance for personal development. Children who are deprived of the opportunity to directly and constantly participate in the life of a small group consisting of relatives and people close to them lose a lot. This is especially noticeable among young children living outside the family - in orphanages and other institutions of this type. The personality development of these children often proceeds in a different way than that of children raised in a family. Mental and social development These children are sometimes delayed, and their emotions are inhibited. The same can happen to an adult, because... The lack of constant personal contacts is the essence of loneliness, becomes the source of many negative phenomena and causes serious personality disorders.

It is known that the presence of other people influences the behavior of many people. Many individuals behave differently in the presence of other people than when they are alone. Moreover, if a person feels benevolent, good relations those present, then he most often has a certain incentive to take such actions that will cause the approval of the people around him and help him appear in the best light. If a person feels an unfriendly attitude, then he develops resistance, which manifests itself in the most different ways. Fine well-mannered person overcomes this protest with conscious effort.

In a small group where friendly relationships reign, the team has a very strong influence on the individual. This is especially evident in the formation of spiritual values, norms and patterns of behavior, and the style of relationships between people. Due to its characteristics, the family is like small group creates for its members such conditions for emotional needs that, by helping a person feel that he belongs to society, increase his sense of security and peace, and evoke a desire to provide help and support to other people.

The family has its own structure, determined by the social roles of its members: husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter, sister and brother, grandfather and grandmother. Interpersonal relationships in the family are formed on the basis of these roles. The degree of a person’s participation in family life can be very diverse, and depending on this, the family can have more or less influence on the person.

The family plays a colossal role in the life and activities of society. The functions of the family can be considered both from the perspective of realizing the goals of society, and from the perspective of fulfilling one’s responsibilities towards society. The family as a microstructure satisfies important social needs and performs important social functions.

Due to its reproductive function, the family is a source of continuation human life. This is the social group that initially shapes a person’s personality. The family contributes to increasing the creative and productive forces of society. The family introduces its new members into society, passing on to them language, morals and customs, basic patterns of behavior that are mandatory in a given society, introduces a person into the world of spiritual values ​​of society, and controls the behavior of its members. Social features families manifest themselves not only in relation to children, but also in relation to spouses, because Married life is a process that plays big role in the life of society. One of the most important functions family - creating conditions for the development of the personality of all its members. The family satisfies various human needs. In marriage, husband and wife find the happiness of intimate communication. The birth of children brings joy not only from the knowledge of the continuation of one’s family, but also makes it possible to look into the future with more confidence. In a family, people take care of each other. The family also satisfies a variety of human needs. In a person’s married life, the feeling of love and mutual understanding, recognition, respect, and a sense of security are most clearly manifested. However, meeting one's needs is associated with fulfilling certain family functions.

Unfortunately, families do not always fulfill their functions. In such cases, the problem of the asocial role of the family arises. Families who are unable to provide security for their members do not fulfill their functions, the necessary conditions everyday life and mutual assistance if some values ​​are incorrectly presented in the family. In addition, when a family raises emotionally immature people with a weakened sense of danger, with human qualities that are far from social norms, it harms its people.

When considering the role of the family in the life of every person, it is also necessary to note its psychological function, because It is in the family that all those personality qualities that are valuable to society are formed. (6, p. 133)

Every person throughout his life, as a rule, is a member of two families: the parental family from which he comes, and the family that he creates himself. Life in the parents' family lasts until approximately adolescence. During the period of maturity, a person gradually gains independence. The further one goes, the more life, professional and social experience a person accumulates, and the family begins to play an increasingly important role for him.

Very good for family development important stage is the entry of a man and a woman into a marital union. The birth of the first child opens the parental stage, and after the children gain independence, we can talk about the phase of secondary married life. Different periods in a family's life correspond to different periods of time and different needs. Determining the duration of individual periods of a family’s life is difficult due to the different timing of marriage of partners. In this regard, it can be very difficult to link family development with periods of personality development, but coordination of the seed and life cycles is necessary.

From point of view social psychology matrimony is a special group consisting of two persons of the opposite sex. These are two personalities, two individuals who have decided to spend their future lives together. Spouses mutually satisfy emotional, social, and intimate needs, help each other in realizing personal goals, together strive to improve the material conditions of their lives, and jointly create the economic base of the family. The foundations of the family are formed social positions spouses in relation to each other. The leading role in the family usually belongs to the spouse who has greater influence and is able to make decisions when problems arise in the process. life together. Usually this is a man, but nowadays there is both a shift in the leadership of the family towards a woman and equal rights for spouses. It goes without saying that when determining family positions, cultural traditions, as well as the personal traits of each spouse. The formation of the structure, and, consequently, the distribution of roles in the family is seriously influenced by changes occurring in the social microstructure. The distribution of responsibilities in the family is associated with the roles that the husband and wife take on.

After creating a family, the process of mutual adaptation to each other begins. And here great importance is the ability of people to make compromises, show tolerance and restrain themselves in conflict situations. Difficulties that arise in family life very often become the cause of a marriage crisis, and in some cases the help of a psychologist is desirable, but in most cases young people cope on their own. (8, p. 70)

The birth of a child is a significant event in the life of spouses, indicating the entry of the family into a new period of development. This is another test for the spouses. They begin to fulfill new social roles - mother and father; entering a new social role is always difficult and requires preparation. In this case, such preparation is pregnancy. Future parents are gradually preparing in thoughts and imagination for the change that is about to happen in their lives; at the same time they prepare their surroundings. They have to seriously change their established lives. During pregnancy, spouses begin to form attitudes towards the future child. Factors that matter here include whether the child is desirable or undesirable, as well as the desire of one of the parents to have a child of a certain gender. All this can later affect education.

Parents' roles are comprehensive and multifaceted. Parents are responsible for their child's choices life position. The birth of a child and the need to provide him with conditions for development entail a certain reorganization of home life. But in addition to caring for children, the roles of parents also extend to the formation of the child’s personality, the world of his thoughts, feelings, aspirations, and the education of his own “I”. The harmonious development of a child’s personality is associated not only with the presence and active activity of each parent in the family, but also with the consistency of their educational actions. Disagreements in educational methods and interpersonal relationships of parents do not allow the child to understand and comprehend what is good and what is bad. In addition, when the agreement between the parents is violated, when the people closest to the child, the people who are his support, are in a quarrel, and besides, he hears that this is happening for reasons concerning him, then he cannot feel confident and safe . And hence children’s anxiety, fears and even neurotic symptoms. Relationships between family members are very important for a child. And it is especially important for him to understand how adults treat him. (17, p. 351)

The nature of the emotional relationship of parents to the child can be called the parental position. This is one of the most important factors shaping a child’s personality. There are several variations of this factor, from dominance to complete indifference. Both the constant imposition of contacts and their complete absence are harmful to the child. It is very important to establish contact with the child so that later we can talk about giving on the part of the child. First of all, you need to approach the child without exaggerated concentration of attention, but also without excessive emotional distance, i.e. What is needed is free contact, not tense or too weak and random. It's about about such an approach, which can be characterized as balanced, free, aimed at the mind and heart of the child, focused on his actual needs. This should be an approach based on a certain independence, moderately categorical and persistent, which is support and authority for the child, and not an imperious, commanding order or a compliant, passive request. Violations of contact with the child manifest themselves in several characteristic forms, for example, excessive aggressiveness or the desire to correct the child’s behavior. (5, p. 56)

From a very early age, the correct process of child development is carried out primarily thanks to the care of parents. Small child learns from his parents to think, speak, understand and control his reactions. Thanks to personal models, such as his parents, he learns how to relate to other family members, relatives, acquaintances: who to love, who to avoid, who to more or less reckon with, who to express his sympathy or antipathy to, when to restrain his reactions. The family prepares the child for the future independent life in society, conveys spiritual values ​​to it, moral standards, patterns of behavior, traditions, culture of their society. Guiding, coordinated educational methods of parents teach the child to be relaxed, at the same time he learns to manage his actions and actions in accordance with moral standards. The child develops a world of values. In this multilateral development, parents, by their behavior and by example provide great help to the child. However, some parents can complicate, inhibit, and even disrupt the behavior of their children, contributing to the manifestation of pathological personality traits in them.

A child raised in a family where his parents are personal models receives preparation for subsequent social roles: woman or man, wife or husband, mother or father. In addition, social pressure is quite strong. Children are typically praised for gender-appropriate behavior and reprimanded for gender-appropriate behavior. opposite sex. Proper sex education for a child and the formation of a sense of belonging to one’s own gender constitute one of the foundations further development their personalities.

As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of a person as an individual can be accelerated and made more successful than using punishments and prohibitions. If the need for punishment nevertheless arises, then in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments, if possible, should follow directly after the deserving offense. Punishment is more effective if the offense for which the child is punished is clearly explained to him. Something very severe can make a child afraid or angry. Any physical impact forms in the child the belief that he, too, can act by force when something does not suit him.

A child’s behavior largely depends on his upbringing in the family. Preschoolers, for example, often see themselves through the eyes of adults. Thus, a positive or negative attitude towards him from adults forms his self-esteem. Children who have low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in families where parents often scold the child or set excessive goals for him. In addition, a child who sees that his parents do not get along often blames himself for this, and as a result, his self-esteem is again low. Such a child feels that he does not correspond to the wishes of his parents. There is another extreme - inflated self-esteem. This usually happens in families where the child is rewarded for small things, and the punishment system is very lenient.

It goes without saying that children with inadequate self-esteem subsequently create problems for themselves and their loved ones. Therefore, from the very beginning, parents should try to form adequate self-esteem in their child. What is needed here is a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise in front of the child are excluded, gifts for actions are rarely given, and extremely harsh punishments are not used.

In addition to self-esteem, parents also set the child’s level of aspirations - what he aspires to in his activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success, and in case of failure they can suffer severe mental trauma. Children with low aspirations and low self-esteem do not aspire to much, either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, quickly come to terms with failures, but at the same time they often achieve a lot. (19, p. 79)